Get Smart (1965) s01e21 Episode Script
Dear Diary
( knocking ) - WHO IS IT? - MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86 OF CONTROL.
AH, I SEE IT REACHED CONTROL'S HEADQUARTERS.
YES, BUT IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE WE RECEIVED A MESSAGE BY CARRIER PIGEON.
OH, WE'RE PRETTY OLD-FASHIONED HERE IN SPY CITY.
AFTER ALL, THIS IS A RETIREMENT HOME FOR SECRET AGENTS.
YES.
IS THIS PIGEON ALSO RETIRED? - NOT YET.
- WELL, HE SHOULD BE.
HE COULDN'T FIND HIS WAY BACK HERE.
WELL, THIS IS CERTAINLY A NICE PLACE YOU'VE GOT HERE.
WELL, IT'S NOT VERY MUCH, BUT I CALL IT HOME.
WELL, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU, MR.
GAFFER.
I'M FLATTERED.
I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE EVEN REMEMBERED WHO I AM.
REMEMBERED YOU? ARE YOU KIDDING? HERBERT GAFFER, THE WORLD-FAMOUS CONTROL AGENT #4? MY GOSH, YOU'RE A LEGEND IN YOUR OWN TIME.
- THANK YOU.
-AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'VE PATTERNED MYSELF AFTER YOU.
I'VE COPIED YOUR TECHNIQUE AND YOUR STYLE.
- SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOUR MESSAGE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEONE TRYING TO BREAK INTO YOUR ROOM.
NOW WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO DO THAT? PROBABLY JUST TO READ MY DIARY.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- I'LL GET IT.
- NO, I'LL GET IT.
WHY DON'T WE TALK OVER THERE, AWAY FROM THE TABLE? NOW WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT A DIARY, MR.
GAFFER? WELL, I'VE BEEN KEEPING A PERSONAL DIARY EVER SINCE I FIRST BECAME AN AGENT.
I'M AFRAID IT CONTAINS A LOT OF SECRET INFORMATION ABOUT OUR CODE SYSTEM AND OUR PERSONNEL AND THE LOCATION OF ALL OF OUR CONTROL BASES.
- I'M SHOCKED.
- I KNOW.
TO THINK THAT SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE'S PERSONAL DIARY! WELL, I WANT TO TURN THE DIARY OVER TO CONTROL FOR SAFEKEEPING.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, GAFFER.
I HAVE IT HIDDEN.
SHALL I GET IT NOW? YES.
KEEP TALKING.
UH, I'LL FEEL A LOT BETTER TURNING THE DIARY OVER TO YOU.
IT WILL BE MUCH SAFER IN CONTROL HEADQUARTERS.
THERE'S NOBODY THERE.
WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.
THERE'S NOBODY HERE EITHER.
( theme music playing ) CHIEF, I THINK I'VE GOT IT FIGURED OUT.
NOW SEE IF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE TO YOU.
WHOEVER TOOK GAFFER FROM HIS ROOM PROBABLY WANTED HIS DIARY.
RIGHT, MAX.
AND WE'VE GOT TO FIND IT FIRST.
IF THE INFORMATION IN THAT DIARY SHOULD EVER FALL INTO ENEMY HANDS, IT WILL MEAN THE END OF CONTROL.
WE'D BE FINISHED.
CHIEF, HERE'S THE LAYOUT FOR SPY CITY.
NOW THIS IS THE ORIGINAL PLAN AND SHOWS ALL OF THE SECRET ROOMS, PASSAGES AND PANELS.
THIS MIGHT HELP GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHERE BOTH GAFFER AND THE DIARY COULD BE HIDDEN.
WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
THIS IS A LITTLE FADED.
SHOULDN'T WE ACTIVATE THE MAGNA-LAMP? I CAN SEE IT FINE.
WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO MISS ANY OF THE LITTLE DETAILS.
WE DON'T NEED THE MAGNA-LAMP, MAX.
WELL, CHIEF, IS EITHER THE MAGNA-LAMP OR THE CONE OF SILENCE, TAKE YOUR CHOICE.
OH, PLEASE, MAX.
I DON'T THINK I COULD STAND ANOTHER SESSION WITH THE CONE OF SILENCE.
ALL RIGHT, THE MAGNA-LAMP.
RIGHT, CHIEF.
I'LL TURN IT ON.
( electricity buzzing ) NOW THERE'S A SPOT WHERE THE DIARY COULD BE HIDDEN.
- WHERE, CHIEF? - RIGHT THERE WHERE I'M POINTING.
I CAN'T SEE YOUR FINGER, CHIEF.
- CAN YOU, 99? - I CAN'T EVEN SEE YOU, MAX.
WELL, I'M STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU I THINK.
WAIT A MINUTE, I'LL TAKE YOUR HAND.
THERE.
THAT'S MY HAND, MAX.
GOOD.
NOW I CAN SEE WHERE YOU'RE POINTING, CHIEF.
I'M NOT POINTING NOW.
I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE PLANS ANYMORE! TURN OFF THE LAMP! TURN IT OFF, MAX.
I CAN'T FIND THE SWITCH, CHIEF.
NEVER MIND.
YOU CAN LOOK AT THE PLAN ON YOUR WAY TO SPY CITY.
IF YOU NEED ANY ASSISTANCE WHILE YOU'RE THERE, SEE MY OLD FRIEND, AGENT 8, AND USE CONTACT PLAN 6.
- RIGHT, CHIEF.
- AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU MIGHT NEED, SEE OUR RETIRED LAB MAN, PROFESSOR BUSH.
HE WAS A FRIEND OF GAFFER, AND MIGHT BE A GOOD MAN TO LOOK UP FIRST.
WE'D BETTER HURRY, CHIEF.
WHOEVER KIDNAPPED MR.
GAFFER IT'S GOING TO BE TRYING TO MAKE HIM TALK.
IS GOING TO BE A RACE TO SEE WHO FINDS THAT DIARY FIRST.
Max: DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.
NOTHING CAN GO WRONG ONCE I GET A LOOK AT THE PLANS FOR SPY CITY.
GAFFER, THEY'LL NEVER THINK TO LOOK FOR YOU HERE RIGHT UNDER THEIR VERY NOSES.
NOW ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME WHERE THE DIARY IS HIDDEN? NO.
I'LL NEVER TELL.
YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF PAIN.
I'M GONNA FIND IT ANYWAY.
SOMEONE'S COMING.
THAT'LL KEEP YOU QUIET.
- ( running footsteps ) - ( door opens ) Man #2: JUST LET ME GET THIS LIGHT ON.
I INVENTED MOST OF THE DEVICES YOU SEE HERE IN OUR SPY CITY MUSEUM.
YES, WELL, THAT'S ALL VERY INTERESTING, PROFESSOR, BUT WE REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME TO LOOK AROUND.
YOU WERE VERY CLOSE TO MR.
GAFFER, WEREN'T YOU? OH, YES.
HERB AND I WERE GOOD BUDDIES.
I SURE HOPE HE'S OKAY.
OH, I INVENTED THE FIRST MICRO-DOT, YOU KNOW, SHOWED CONTROL HOW THEY CAN WRITE AN ENTIRE MESSAGE ON ONE SINGLE DOT.
LOOK, HERE'S THE FIRST ONE I MADE.
Max: YES, WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE PROFESSOR, BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET A LARGER MESSAGE? OH, YOU WRITE SMALLER.
YES, AND I INTRODUCED THE FIRST SILENCER TOO, SEE? BUT THIS LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY GUN TO ME.
WHERE'S THE SILENCER? RIGHT HERE.
JUST BEFORE YOU PULL THE TRIGGER, YOU SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN, AND THAT COVERS THE SOUND OF THE GUNSHOT.
PROFESSOR, WE'RE LOOKING FOR MR.
GAFFER'S DIARY.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT WE FIND IT.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE IT MIGHT BE HIDDEN? I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE OLD HERB KEPT A DIARY.
Max: WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PROFESSOR.
UH, JUST ONE MORE THING-- YOU SAID YOU KNOW SOME OF MR.
GAFFER'S FRIENDS.
OH, YES.
THEY'RE IN THE RECREATION ROOM.
IT'S THIS WAY.
HEY, VERY GOOD.
THOSE TWO LIVE ON THE SAME FLOOR AS HERB GAFFER.
THE MAN IS GEORGE NEWFIELD, AND THE LADY IS AGNES DAVENPORT, SECURITY AGENT 11, RETIRED.
IF YOU WANT ME FOR ANYTHING I'LL BE IN MY ROOM.
- I'LL CHECK OUT NEWFIELD.
- I'LL CHECK AGNES DAVENPORT.
I HAVE A WAY WITH WOMEN.
PARDON ME, AREN'T YOU AGNES DAVENPORT, CONTROL'S FORMER TOP SECURITY AGENT? OH NOW, YOU KNOW WHO I AM.
I SAW BUSH POINTING ME OUT.
YES, WELL, YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL ABOUT THESE THINGS.
NO, YOU CAN'T.
AND WHO ARE YOU, YOUNG MAN? MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86 OF CONTROL.
OH, WELL, NOW HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE FROM CONTROL? WELL, I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
OKAY, YOU'RE CLEAR.
IT'S A GOOD THING FOR HER SHE'S RETIRED.
MAX, MR.
NEWFIELD NEVER EVEN HEARD OF MR.
GAFFER'S DIARY.
OH?HOW ABOUT YOU, TIGER? DIARY? ( chuckles ) I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE KEPT ONE.
KEEP AN EYE ON HER, 99.
I DON'T TRUST HER.
AND DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVES FOR YOUR WALLET.
MAX, I THINK WE'D BETTER SEARCH MR.
GAFFER'S ROOM.
WE WILL, AS SOON AS I CONTACT AGENT 8.
RIGHT.
SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.
- AGENT 8? - YES? MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86 FROM CONTROL.
I WAS TOLD TO CONTACT YOU.
OH, GOOD.
NO ONE HAS CONTACTED ME IN YEARS.
LISTEN, I HAVE A BIG BACKLOG OF MESSAGES HERE.
SOME OF THEM WERE HERE WHEN I CAME, PINNED TO THE BULLETIN BOARD.
"THE BRITISH ARE COMING"? "PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY IF THERE IS ANY TRUTH TO A WILD RUMOR THAT INDIANS ARE ON THE WARPATH.
" I CAN'T MAKE OUT THE SIGNATURE.
GENERAL CUSTER.
YOU'D BETTER GET THOSE BACK TO CONTROL RIGHT AWAY.
THEY'RE PROBABLY WAITING FOR THEM.
YES, WELL, RIGHT NOW I'M LOOKING FOR HERB GAFFER'S DIARY.
- I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT? - OF COURSE I DO! EVERYONE HERE KNOWS ABOUT OLD HERB'S DIARY.
DIARY.
GAFFER.
YEAH.
( chuckles ) I THOUGHT I REMEMBERED IT.
HE LEFT THIS WITH ME-- "IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME AND YOU WANT TO LOCATE MY DIARY, THINK OF THIS: 'BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
'" THAT'S THE LEAD I'VE BEEN HOPING FOR.
"BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
" WELL, THEN THAT MUST MEAN THAT THE DIARY IS HIDDEN SOMEWHERE NEAR BIRDS.
AND HIS WHOLE ROOM IS FILLED WITH BIRDS.
THANK YOU, EIGHT.
DON'T SLAM THE DARTBOARD.
WELL, WE'VE EXAMINED ALL THE BIRDS IN THE ROOM, MAX.
- I GUESS THE DIARY ISN'T HERE.
- YES, SO I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT, 99.
MAX, LOOK.
HERE'S SOMETHING.
A PAINTING OF BIRDS.
I BET THE DIARY IS BEHIND IT.
NO.
NOT THERE.
WELL, I GUESS WE'VE RUN OUT OF BIRDS.
NOT QUITE YET, 99.
WE OVERLOOKED ONE THING.
WHAT IS IT? A BOOK.
"BIRDS OF THE USA.
" - FIND SOMETHING? - YES.
- WHAT? - A YELLOW-BELLIED SAPSUCKER.
MAX, LOOK.
I MADE THE SAME MISTAKE ONCE BEFORE, 99.
IT'S THE WRONG DRAPE.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! - NOT YOU, MAX.
- OH.
WELL, IT'S OUR OLD FRIEND THE HANDYMAN.
IT'S NOT ON HIM, 99.
SO YOU HAVEN'T FOUND THE DIARY EITHER.
DON'T WORRY.
WE WILL.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, 99? - HE SAID "WE.
" - YES.
OBVIOUSLY HE'S IN THIS WITH A FRIEND.
( gunshot ) HE SURE DIDN'T PICK HIS FRIENDS TOO CAREFULLY.
- NEWFIELD.
- PRESENT.
- BUSH.
- PRESENT.
- DAVENPORT.
- PRESENT.
OKAY, ALL PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.
NOW YOU'VE ALL BEEN ASSIGNED AN AREA TO SEARCH AND I WANT EACH OF YOU TO BE SURE TO COVER YOUR AREA - THOROUGHLY.
- I SUPPOSE THERE IS A REASON WHY WE ARE SEARCHING AREAS WHERE THERE ARE BIRDS.
YES.
MR.
GAFFER LEFT US A CLUE: "BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
" SO AGENT 86 IS CERTAIN THAT THE DIARY IS HIDDEN NEAR BIRDS.
- DON'T WORRY.
- WE'LL FIND IT.
OH, IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN ACTION.
IS THIS A COMPLETE LIST? I MEAN, ARE YOU SURE THERE ARE NO OTHER PLACES AROUND SPY CITY WHERE BIRDS CAN BE FOUND? LIKE, SAY, RIGHT HERE IN THIS RECREATION ROOM? OF COURSE NOT.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I MADE UP THAT LIST MYSELF.
I KNOW MY BUSINESS.
YES, I'M SURE YOU DO.
IN THAT CASE, YOU CAN COVER THE LAST PLACE ON THE LIST-- THE BIRDBATH.
JUST LEFT THIS ROOM.
YOU MEAN THAT ONE OF THOSE THREE IS ALSO AN ENEMY AGENT, RIGHT? WRONG.
IT'S OUR MAN IN THE DARTBOARD.
AGENT 8? BUT HE CAN'T BE, MAX.
HE'S SUCH A SWEET OLD MAN.
BESIDES, HE'S HELPING US.
HE'S THE ONE THAT MADE UP THE LIST.
YES, AND CONVENIENTLY LEFT OUT ONE PLACE-- RIGHT HERE IN HIS OWN TERRITORY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? IT'S A BADMINTON SHUTTLECOCK, ALSO KNOWN AS A "BIRD.
" SAID THOSE OTHER THREE KNEW ABOUT GAFFER'S DIARY.
I'M ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, COMPLETELY AND FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT AGENT 8 IS THE DOUBLE AGENT.
AGENT 8 IS THE CHIEF'S BEST FRIEND.
ON THE OTHER HAND, THAT AGNES WHAT'S-HER-NAME HAS VERY SHIFTY EYES.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE'LL DO, 99-- I'LL SEARCH FOR THE DIARY, YOU'LL LOOK OUT FOR AGENT 8.
NOW IF I DON'T FIND ANYTHING, I'LL PUT EVERYTHING BACK THE WAY IT WAS AND HE'LL NEVER KNOW THAT HE WAS UNDER SUSPICION.
RIGHT.
NO.
NEVER TELL WHERE DIARY IS.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL KILL ME.
NEVER TALK.
- MAX, DID YOU FIND ANYTHING? - NOTHING.
- ( door closes ) - MAX, I THINK I HEAR AGENT 8 COMING.
YOU'D BETTER PUT THAT STUFF BACK IN A HURRY.
MAX, HE'S COMING.
I CHECKED THE BIRDBATH.
NO SIGN OF THE DIARY.
THAT'LL BE ALL FOR NOW, 8.
I'LL CALL YOU IF I NEED YOU.
DON'T SLAM THE DARTBOARD.
WELL, HE'S NOT THE DOUBLE AGENT.
WELL, THEN IT MUST BE ONE OF THE OTHERS.
YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE IT.
HERE THEY COME.
GOOD.
I'LL TRY MANEUVER X-14 ON THEM.
BUT MANEUVER X-14 HAS NEVER WORKED, MAX.
WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME.
BESIDES, IT'S GOT A WONDERFUL ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.
NEWFIELD, BUSH, DAVENPORT, GIVE ME AN IMMEDIATE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION-- I WANT A STRAIGHT YES OR NO-- IS ONE OF YOU A DOUBLE AGENT? NO! SO MUCH FOR X-14.
NOW HOW ABOUT THE DIARY? NO ONE COULD FIND IT.
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT SOMEONE HAS BEATEN US TO IT, OR ONE OF THOSE BIRDS IS THE DOUBLE AGENT.
Newfield: MAYBE IT STILL HASN'T BEEN FOUND, SMART.
THERE'S ONE WAY WE COULD BE CERTAIN.
- OH?HOW? - BY SETTING A TRAP.
MISS DAVENPORT, PROFESSOR BUSH AND I WILL TELL EVERYONE AT SPY CITY THAT YOU ARE SURE THAT THE DIARY IS STILL IN HERB GAFFER'S ROOM.
THEN IF SOMEONE ATTEMPTS TO PROWL AROUND AND SEARCH THE ROOM AGAIN, YOU'LL KNOW THAT IT HASN'T BEEN FOUND YET.
I LIKE THAT, NEWFIELD.
BUT UNLESS WE LEAVE THE ROOM COMPLETELY UNGUARDED, - NOBODY WILL GO NEAR IT.
- THAT'S PART OF THE TRAP.
YOU CAN USE PROFESSOR BUSH'S INVISIBLE DUST.
OH, YES, MY INVISIBLE DUST.
BUT THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE.
THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED "INVISIBLE DUST.
" FIVE MINUTES AFTER IT'S ON THE PROWLER'S SHOES, IT TURNS BLACK AND LEAVES TRACKS WHEREVER THE PROWLER HAS STEPPED.
THAT'S INGENIOUS, PROFESSOR.
YES, BUT JUST ONE THING, PROFESSOR-- HOW DO YOU GET HIM TO STICK HIS FOOT INTO THE PAIL? THE DUST IS SPRINKLED ON THE FLOOR.
PROBABLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, MAX.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, 99, I'D LIKE TO HANDLE THIS.
NOW MY IDEA IS THIS-- WE SPRINKLE THE DUST ON THE FLOOR RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOORWAY.
Bush: THEN IT'S SETTLED.
I'LL GO DO IT.
GIVE ME HALF AN HOUR, AND THEN YOU CAN CHECK THE ROOM.
WE CAN USE THAT HALF HOUR TO LOOK FOR MR.
GAFFER, MAX.
FORGET ABOUT GAFFER, 99.
THERE'S NO POINT IN EVEN LOOKING FOR HIM.
HE'S NOT IN THIS ROOM, HE'S NOT IN THE RECREATION HALL, AND I HAVE A FEELING HE'S NOT WITHIN 10 MILES OF SPY CITY.
BELIEVE ME, 99, I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY KEEN SENSE ABOUT THESE THINGS.
- NEWFIELD'S IDEA WORKED.
- NOW WE KNOW FOR SURE THAT SOMEONE IS STILL LOOKING FOR THE DIARY.
YES, BUT THIS IS ALL VERY CONFUSING, 99.
THE FOOTSTEPS LEAD IN AND THEN THEY LEAD OUT AGAIN.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM UNTIL THEY STOP.
THIS COULD BE DANGEROUS.
DO YOU HAVE YOUR GUN? - YES.
WE'D BETTER USE OUR SILENCERS, 99.
- WHY? - WELL, AFTER ALL, THIS IS A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY.
- I KNOW THAT.
PEOPLE GO TO SLEEP EARLY.
HEY, YOU DON'T WANT TO WAKE EVERYBODY UP, DO YOU? LOOK, 99, HE HAD ANOTHER PAIR OF SHOES WAITING.
THE OLD SHOE SWITCH.
YES, THAT'S THE SECOND TIME I'VE FALLEN FOR IT THIS MONTH.
- ( Gaffer groans ) - WHAT'S THE MATTER, 99? - NOTHING.
- DIDN'T YOU GROAN? - NO, I THOUGHT YOU DID.
- NO, IT WASN'T ME.
IF IT WASN'T ME AND IT WASN'T YOU THEN IT COULDN'T BE ANYBODY ELSE EXCEPT THAT DUMMY LYING OVER THERE ON THE TORTURE RACK.
( groaning ) - DO DUMMIES GROAN? - NO.
NOT UNLESS THEY'RE IN GREAT PAIN.
- ( groaning ) - THAT ONE IS.
THAT'S NO DUMMY.
THAT'S MR.
GAFFER.
- THANK YOU.
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? FINE, I THINK.
- 99, GET THOSE SHACKLES OFF.
- RIGHT.
MR.
GAFFER, WE LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR YOUR DIARY, BUT WE COULDN'T FIND IT.
IT WASN'T NEAR ANY BIRDS.
WELL, BIRDS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, SMART.
- THEY DIDN'T? - NO.
THE CLUE WAS "BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
" NOW YOU START BY ELIMINATING ALL THE UNNECESSARY WORDS, WHICH LEAVES YOU WITH THE NECESSARY WORD.
NOW THERE ARE 28 LETTERS IN THE CLUE.
I'M AGENT 4.
YOU DIVIDE 28 BY FOUR, AND YOU ARRIVE AT SEVEN.
NOW THERE ARE SIX WORDS IN THE CLUE, BUT ONLY ONE WORD WITH SEVEN LETTERS-- "FEATHER.
" IT'S SO SIMPLE.
I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF IT MYSELF.
AND HERE IS THE DIARY, RIGHT BEHIND THIS FEATHER.
I'LL TAKE IT.
AND YOUR GUNS TOO.
NOW TAKE THEM OUT VERY SLOWLY.
PUT THEM RIGHT THERE ON THE CASE VERY CAREFULLY.
NOW GET YOUR HANDS UP AND BACK AWAY FROM THE CASE.
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SUGGESTED THE TRAP AND THE INVISIBLE DUST.
OF COURSE HE DID, 99.
HE DELIBERATELY SET THOSE FOOTPRINTS KNOWING THEY'D LEAD US TO MR.
GAFFER AND HE'D TELL US ABOUT THE DIARY.
- DUCK.
- ( bullets ricochet ) PROFESSOR BUSH'S UMBRELLA, RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- ( gunshot ) - Gaffer: OPEN IT UP.
THE UMBRELLA PART IS A SHIELD.
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS A SHIELD.
IT IS, BUT I JUST REMEMBERED-- NOT AGAINST BULLETS.
- ( gunshot ) - ( groans ) WELL, I CERTAINLY HAVE TO GIVE PROFESSOR BUSH CREDIT.
THIS IS A WONDERFUL GUN IF IT DOESN'T RAIN.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY DID MISS DAVENPORT AND PROFESSOR BUSH PRETENDED THEY'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOUR DIARY.
WELL, THEY KNEW IT CONTAINED CONTROL SECRETS AND THEY WANTED TO PROTECT MY REPUTATION.
THAT'S RIGHT, 99.
AFTER ALL, MR.
GAFFER IS STILL ONE OF THE BEST.
HE'S MY IDOL.
DID YOU KNOW THAT MR.
GAFFER ONCE CAPTURED WITH MACHINE GUNS? WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT? MACHINE GUNS.
I FIND THAT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE.
WOULD YOU BELIEVE FOUR KILLERS WITH KNIVES? I DON'T THINK SO.
HOW ABOUT A MEAN LITTLE KID WITH A PEASHOOTER? MAX, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME WE GOT GOING? Max: IN A MINUTE, 99.
MR.
GAFFER, I'VE NEVER ASKED ANYONE THIS BEFORE, BUT I WONDER IF YOU'D MIND GIVING ME YOUR AUTOGRAPH.
CERTAINLY.
OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- NOW WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO SIGN? - OH, RIGHT HERE.
OH.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
COME ON, 99, I WANT TO GET HOME AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
- WHY, MAX? - I WANT TO WRITE ALL THIS DOWN IN MY DIARY.
( theme music playing )
AH, I SEE IT REACHED CONTROL'S HEADQUARTERS.
YES, BUT IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE WE RECEIVED A MESSAGE BY CARRIER PIGEON.
OH, WE'RE PRETTY OLD-FASHIONED HERE IN SPY CITY.
AFTER ALL, THIS IS A RETIREMENT HOME FOR SECRET AGENTS.
YES.
IS THIS PIGEON ALSO RETIRED? - NOT YET.
- WELL, HE SHOULD BE.
HE COULDN'T FIND HIS WAY BACK HERE.
WELL, THIS IS CERTAINLY A NICE PLACE YOU'VE GOT HERE.
WELL, IT'S NOT VERY MUCH, BUT I CALL IT HOME.
WELL, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU, MR.
GAFFER.
I'M FLATTERED.
I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE EVEN REMEMBERED WHO I AM.
REMEMBERED YOU? ARE YOU KIDDING? HERBERT GAFFER, THE WORLD-FAMOUS CONTROL AGENT #4? MY GOSH, YOU'RE A LEGEND IN YOUR OWN TIME.
- THANK YOU.
-AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'VE PATTERNED MYSELF AFTER YOU.
I'VE COPIED YOUR TECHNIQUE AND YOUR STYLE.
- SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOUR MESSAGE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT SOMEONE TRYING TO BREAK INTO YOUR ROOM.
NOW WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO DO THAT? PROBABLY JUST TO READ MY DIARY.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- I'LL GET IT.
- NO, I'LL GET IT.
WHY DON'T WE TALK OVER THERE, AWAY FROM THE TABLE? NOW WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT A DIARY, MR.
GAFFER? WELL, I'VE BEEN KEEPING A PERSONAL DIARY EVER SINCE I FIRST BECAME AN AGENT.
I'M AFRAID IT CONTAINS A LOT OF SECRET INFORMATION ABOUT OUR CODE SYSTEM AND OUR PERSONNEL AND THE LOCATION OF ALL OF OUR CONTROL BASES.
- I'M SHOCKED.
- I KNOW.
TO THINK THAT SOMEONE WOULD WANT TO LOOK AT SOMEONE ELSE'S PERSONAL DIARY! WELL, I WANT TO TURN THE DIARY OVER TO CONTROL FOR SAFEKEEPING.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, GAFFER.
I HAVE IT HIDDEN.
SHALL I GET IT NOW? YES.
KEEP TALKING.
UH, I'LL FEEL A LOT BETTER TURNING THE DIARY OVER TO YOU.
IT WILL BE MUCH SAFER IN CONTROL HEADQUARTERS.
THERE'S NOBODY THERE.
WELL, THAT'S FUNNY.
THERE'S NOBODY HERE EITHER.
( theme music playing ) CHIEF, I THINK I'VE GOT IT FIGURED OUT.
NOW SEE IF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE TO YOU.
WHOEVER TOOK GAFFER FROM HIS ROOM PROBABLY WANTED HIS DIARY.
RIGHT, MAX.
AND WE'VE GOT TO FIND IT FIRST.
IF THE INFORMATION IN THAT DIARY SHOULD EVER FALL INTO ENEMY HANDS, IT WILL MEAN THE END OF CONTROL.
WE'D BE FINISHED.
CHIEF, HERE'S THE LAYOUT FOR SPY CITY.
NOW THIS IS THE ORIGINAL PLAN AND SHOWS ALL OF THE SECRET ROOMS, PASSAGES AND PANELS.
THIS MIGHT HELP GIVE YOU AN IDEA OF WHERE BOTH GAFFER AND THE DIARY COULD BE HIDDEN.
WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
THIS IS A LITTLE FADED.
SHOULDN'T WE ACTIVATE THE MAGNA-LAMP? I CAN SEE IT FINE.
WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO MISS ANY OF THE LITTLE DETAILS.
WE DON'T NEED THE MAGNA-LAMP, MAX.
WELL, CHIEF, IS EITHER THE MAGNA-LAMP OR THE CONE OF SILENCE, TAKE YOUR CHOICE.
OH, PLEASE, MAX.
I DON'T THINK I COULD STAND ANOTHER SESSION WITH THE CONE OF SILENCE.
ALL RIGHT, THE MAGNA-LAMP.
RIGHT, CHIEF.
I'LL TURN IT ON.
( electricity buzzing ) NOW THERE'S A SPOT WHERE THE DIARY COULD BE HIDDEN.
- WHERE, CHIEF? - RIGHT THERE WHERE I'M POINTING.
I CAN'T SEE YOUR FINGER, CHIEF.
- CAN YOU, 99? - I CAN'T EVEN SEE YOU, MAX.
WELL, I'M STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU I THINK.
WAIT A MINUTE, I'LL TAKE YOUR HAND.
THERE.
THAT'S MY HAND, MAX.
GOOD.
NOW I CAN SEE WHERE YOU'RE POINTING, CHIEF.
I'M NOT POINTING NOW.
I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE PLANS ANYMORE! TURN OFF THE LAMP! TURN IT OFF, MAX.
I CAN'T FIND THE SWITCH, CHIEF.
NEVER MIND.
YOU CAN LOOK AT THE PLAN ON YOUR WAY TO SPY CITY.
IF YOU NEED ANY ASSISTANCE WHILE YOU'RE THERE, SEE MY OLD FRIEND, AGENT 8, AND USE CONTACT PLAN 6.
- RIGHT, CHIEF.
- AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU MIGHT NEED, SEE OUR RETIRED LAB MAN, PROFESSOR BUSH.
HE WAS A FRIEND OF GAFFER, AND MIGHT BE A GOOD MAN TO LOOK UP FIRST.
WE'D BETTER HURRY, CHIEF.
WHOEVER KIDNAPPED MR.
GAFFER IT'S GOING TO BE TRYING TO MAKE HIM TALK.
IS GOING TO BE A RACE TO SEE WHO FINDS THAT DIARY FIRST.
Max: DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.
NOTHING CAN GO WRONG ONCE I GET A LOOK AT THE PLANS FOR SPY CITY.
GAFFER, THEY'LL NEVER THINK TO LOOK FOR YOU HERE RIGHT UNDER THEIR VERY NOSES.
NOW ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME WHERE THE DIARY IS HIDDEN? NO.
I'LL NEVER TELL.
YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF A LOT OF PAIN.
I'M GONNA FIND IT ANYWAY.
SOMEONE'S COMING.
THAT'LL KEEP YOU QUIET.
- ( running footsteps ) - ( door opens ) Man #2: JUST LET ME GET THIS LIGHT ON.
I INVENTED MOST OF THE DEVICES YOU SEE HERE IN OUR SPY CITY MUSEUM.
YES, WELL, THAT'S ALL VERY INTERESTING, PROFESSOR, BUT WE REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME TO LOOK AROUND.
YOU WERE VERY CLOSE TO MR.
GAFFER, WEREN'T YOU? OH, YES.
HERB AND I WERE GOOD BUDDIES.
I SURE HOPE HE'S OKAY.
OH, I INVENTED THE FIRST MICRO-DOT, YOU KNOW, SHOWED CONTROL HOW THEY CAN WRITE AN ENTIRE MESSAGE ON ONE SINGLE DOT.
LOOK, HERE'S THE FIRST ONE I MADE.
Max: YES, WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE PROFESSOR, BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET A LARGER MESSAGE? OH, YOU WRITE SMALLER.
YES, AND I INTRODUCED THE FIRST SILENCER TOO, SEE? BUT THIS LOOKS LIKE AN ORDINARY GUN TO ME.
WHERE'S THE SILENCER? RIGHT HERE.
JUST BEFORE YOU PULL THE TRIGGER, YOU SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN, AND THAT COVERS THE SOUND OF THE GUNSHOT.
PROFESSOR, WE'RE LOOKING FOR MR.
GAFFER'S DIARY.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT WE FIND IT.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE IT MIGHT BE HIDDEN? I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE OLD HERB KEPT A DIARY.
Max: WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, PROFESSOR.
UH, JUST ONE MORE THING-- YOU SAID YOU KNOW SOME OF MR.
GAFFER'S FRIENDS.
OH, YES.
THEY'RE IN THE RECREATION ROOM.
IT'S THIS WAY.
HEY, VERY GOOD.
THOSE TWO LIVE ON THE SAME FLOOR AS HERB GAFFER.
THE MAN IS GEORGE NEWFIELD, AND THE LADY IS AGNES DAVENPORT, SECURITY AGENT 11, RETIRED.
IF YOU WANT ME FOR ANYTHING I'LL BE IN MY ROOM.
- I'LL CHECK OUT NEWFIELD.
- I'LL CHECK AGNES DAVENPORT.
I HAVE A WAY WITH WOMEN.
PARDON ME, AREN'T YOU AGNES DAVENPORT, CONTROL'S FORMER TOP SECURITY AGENT? OH NOW, YOU KNOW WHO I AM.
I SAW BUSH POINTING ME OUT.
YES, WELL, YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL ABOUT THESE THINGS.
NO, YOU CAN'T.
AND WHO ARE YOU, YOUNG MAN? MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86 OF CONTROL.
OH, WELL, NOW HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE FROM CONTROL? WELL, I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU.
OKAY, YOU'RE CLEAR.
IT'S A GOOD THING FOR HER SHE'S RETIRED.
MAX, MR.
NEWFIELD NEVER EVEN HEARD OF MR.
GAFFER'S DIARY.
OH?HOW ABOUT YOU, TIGER? DIARY? ( chuckles ) I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE KEPT ONE.
KEEP AN EYE ON HER, 99.
I DON'T TRUST HER.
AND DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVES FOR YOUR WALLET.
MAX, I THINK WE'D BETTER SEARCH MR.
GAFFER'S ROOM.
WE WILL, AS SOON AS I CONTACT AGENT 8.
RIGHT.
SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.
- AGENT 8? - YES? MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86 FROM CONTROL.
I WAS TOLD TO CONTACT YOU.
OH, GOOD.
NO ONE HAS CONTACTED ME IN YEARS.
LISTEN, I HAVE A BIG BACKLOG OF MESSAGES HERE.
SOME OF THEM WERE HERE WHEN I CAME, PINNED TO THE BULLETIN BOARD.
"THE BRITISH ARE COMING"? "PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY IF THERE IS ANY TRUTH TO A WILD RUMOR THAT INDIANS ARE ON THE WARPATH.
" I CAN'T MAKE OUT THE SIGNATURE.
GENERAL CUSTER.
YOU'D BETTER GET THOSE BACK TO CONTROL RIGHT AWAY.
THEY'RE PROBABLY WAITING FOR THEM.
YES, WELL, RIGHT NOW I'M LOOKING FOR HERB GAFFER'S DIARY.
- I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT? - OF COURSE I DO! EVERYONE HERE KNOWS ABOUT OLD HERB'S DIARY.
DIARY.
GAFFER.
YEAH.
( chuckles ) I THOUGHT I REMEMBERED IT.
HE LEFT THIS WITH ME-- "IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME AND YOU WANT TO LOCATE MY DIARY, THINK OF THIS: 'BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
'" THAT'S THE LEAD I'VE BEEN HOPING FOR.
"BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
" WELL, THEN THAT MUST MEAN THAT THE DIARY IS HIDDEN SOMEWHERE NEAR BIRDS.
AND HIS WHOLE ROOM IS FILLED WITH BIRDS.
THANK YOU, EIGHT.
DON'T SLAM THE DARTBOARD.
WELL, WE'VE EXAMINED ALL THE BIRDS IN THE ROOM, MAX.
- I GUESS THE DIARY ISN'T HERE.
- YES, SO I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT, 99.
MAX, LOOK.
HERE'S SOMETHING.
A PAINTING OF BIRDS.
I BET THE DIARY IS BEHIND IT.
NO.
NOT THERE.
WELL, I GUESS WE'VE RUN OUT OF BIRDS.
NOT QUITE YET, 99.
WE OVERLOOKED ONE THING.
WHAT IS IT? A BOOK.
"BIRDS OF THE USA.
" - FIND SOMETHING? - YES.
- WHAT? - A YELLOW-BELLIED SAPSUCKER.
MAX, LOOK.
I MADE THE SAME MISTAKE ONCE BEFORE, 99.
IT'S THE WRONG DRAPE.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! - NOT YOU, MAX.
- OH.
WELL, IT'S OUR OLD FRIEND THE HANDYMAN.
IT'S NOT ON HIM, 99.
SO YOU HAVEN'T FOUND THE DIARY EITHER.
DON'T WORRY.
WE WILL.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, 99? - HE SAID "WE.
" - YES.
OBVIOUSLY HE'S IN THIS WITH A FRIEND.
( gunshot ) HE SURE DIDN'T PICK HIS FRIENDS TOO CAREFULLY.
- NEWFIELD.
- PRESENT.
- BUSH.
- PRESENT.
- DAVENPORT.
- PRESENT.
OKAY, ALL PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR.
NOW YOU'VE ALL BEEN ASSIGNED AN AREA TO SEARCH AND I WANT EACH OF YOU TO BE SURE TO COVER YOUR AREA - THOROUGHLY.
- I SUPPOSE THERE IS A REASON WHY WE ARE SEARCHING AREAS WHERE THERE ARE BIRDS.
YES.
MR.
GAFFER LEFT US A CLUE: "BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
" SO AGENT 86 IS CERTAIN THAT THE DIARY IS HIDDEN NEAR BIRDS.
- DON'T WORRY.
- WE'LL FIND IT.
OH, IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN ACTION.
IS THIS A COMPLETE LIST? I MEAN, ARE YOU SURE THERE ARE NO OTHER PLACES AROUND SPY CITY WHERE BIRDS CAN BE FOUND? LIKE, SAY, RIGHT HERE IN THIS RECREATION ROOM? OF COURSE NOT.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I MADE UP THAT LIST MYSELF.
I KNOW MY BUSINESS.
YES, I'M SURE YOU DO.
IN THAT CASE, YOU CAN COVER THE LAST PLACE ON THE LIST-- THE BIRDBATH.
JUST LEFT THIS ROOM.
YOU MEAN THAT ONE OF THOSE THREE IS ALSO AN ENEMY AGENT, RIGHT? WRONG.
IT'S OUR MAN IN THE DARTBOARD.
AGENT 8? BUT HE CAN'T BE, MAX.
HE'S SUCH A SWEET OLD MAN.
BESIDES, HE'S HELPING US.
HE'S THE ONE THAT MADE UP THE LIST.
YES, AND CONVENIENTLY LEFT OUT ONE PLACE-- RIGHT HERE IN HIS OWN TERRITORY.
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? IT'S A BADMINTON SHUTTLECOCK, ALSO KNOWN AS A "BIRD.
" SAID THOSE OTHER THREE KNEW ABOUT GAFFER'S DIARY.
I'M ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, COMPLETELY AND FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT AGENT 8 IS THE DOUBLE AGENT.
AGENT 8 IS THE CHIEF'S BEST FRIEND.
ON THE OTHER HAND, THAT AGNES WHAT'S-HER-NAME HAS VERY SHIFTY EYES.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE'LL DO, 99-- I'LL SEARCH FOR THE DIARY, YOU'LL LOOK OUT FOR AGENT 8.
NOW IF I DON'T FIND ANYTHING, I'LL PUT EVERYTHING BACK THE WAY IT WAS AND HE'LL NEVER KNOW THAT HE WAS UNDER SUSPICION.
RIGHT.
NO.
NEVER TELL WHERE DIARY IS.
YOU MIGHT AS WELL KILL ME.
NEVER TALK.
- MAX, DID YOU FIND ANYTHING? - NOTHING.
- ( door closes ) - MAX, I THINK I HEAR AGENT 8 COMING.
YOU'D BETTER PUT THAT STUFF BACK IN A HURRY.
MAX, HE'S COMING.
I CHECKED THE BIRDBATH.
NO SIGN OF THE DIARY.
THAT'LL BE ALL FOR NOW, 8.
I'LL CALL YOU IF I NEED YOU.
DON'T SLAM THE DARTBOARD.
WELL, HE'S NOT THE DOUBLE AGENT.
WELL, THEN IT MUST BE ONE OF THE OTHERS.
YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE IT.
HERE THEY COME.
GOOD.
I'LL TRY MANEUVER X-14 ON THEM.
BUT MANEUVER X-14 HAS NEVER WORKED, MAX.
WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME.
BESIDES, IT'S GOT A WONDERFUL ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.
NEWFIELD, BUSH, DAVENPORT, GIVE ME AN IMMEDIATE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION-- I WANT A STRAIGHT YES OR NO-- IS ONE OF YOU A DOUBLE AGENT? NO! SO MUCH FOR X-14.
NOW HOW ABOUT THE DIARY? NO ONE COULD FIND IT.
WELL, THAT MEANS THAT SOMEONE HAS BEATEN US TO IT, OR ONE OF THOSE BIRDS IS THE DOUBLE AGENT.
Newfield: MAYBE IT STILL HASN'T BEEN FOUND, SMART.
THERE'S ONE WAY WE COULD BE CERTAIN.
- OH?HOW? - BY SETTING A TRAP.
MISS DAVENPORT, PROFESSOR BUSH AND I WILL TELL EVERYONE AT SPY CITY THAT YOU ARE SURE THAT THE DIARY IS STILL IN HERB GAFFER'S ROOM.
THEN IF SOMEONE ATTEMPTS TO PROWL AROUND AND SEARCH THE ROOM AGAIN, YOU'LL KNOW THAT IT HASN'T BEEN FOUND YET.
I LIKE THAT, NEWFIELD.
BUT UNLESS WE LEAVE THE ROOM COMPLETELY UNGUARDED, - NOBODY WILL GO NEAR IT.
- THAT'S PART OF THE TRAP.
YOU CAN USE PROFESSOR BUSH'S INVISIBLE DUST.
OH, YES, MY INVISIBLE DUST.
BUT THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE.
THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED "INVISIBLE DUST.
" FIVE MINUTES AFTER IT'S ON THE PROWLER'S SHOES, IT TURNS BLACK AND LEAVES TRACKS WHEREVER THE PROWLER HAS STEPPED.
THAT'S INGENIOUS, PROFESSOR.
YES, BUT JUST ONE THING, PROFESSOR-- HOW DO YOU GET HIM TO STICK HIS FOOT INTO THE PAIL? THE DUST IS SPRINKLED ON THE FLOOR.
PROBABLY RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, MAX.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, 99, I'D LIKE TO HANDLE THIS.
NOW MY IDEA IS THIS-- WE SPRINKLE THE DUST ON THE FLOOR RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOORWAY.
Bush: THEN IT'S SETTLED.
I'LL GO DO IT.
GIVE ME HALF AN HOUR, AND THEN YOU CAN CHECK THE ROOM.
WE CAN USE THAT HALF HOUR TO LOOK FOR MR.
GAFFER, MAX.
FORGET ABOUT GAFFER, 99.
THERE'S NO POINT IN EVEN LOOKING FOR HIM.
HE'S NOT IN THIS ROOM, HE'S NOT IN THE RECREATION HALL, AND I HAVE A FEELING HE'S NOT WITHIN 10 MILES OF SPY CITY.
BELIEVE ME, 99, I HAVE AN INCREDIBLY KEEN SENSE ABOUT THESE THINGS.
- NEWFIELD'S IDEA WORKED.
- NOW WE KNOW FOR SURE THAT SOMEONE IS STILL LOOKING FOR THE DIARY.
YES, BUT THIS IS ALL VERY CONFUSING, 99.
THE FOOTSTEPS LEAD IN AND THEN THEY LEAD OUT AGAIN.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM UNTIL THEY STOP.
THIS COULD BE DANGEROUS.
DO YOU HAVE YOUR GUN? - YES.
WE'D BETTER USE OUR SILENCERS, 99.
- WHY? - WELL, AFTER ALL, THIS IS A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY.
- I KNOW THAT.
PEOPLE GO TO SLEEP EARLY.
HEY, YOU DON'T WANT TO WAKE EVERYBODY UP, DO YOU? LOOK, 99, HE HAD ANOTHER PAIR OF SHOES WAITING.
THE OLD SHOE SWITCH.
YES, THAT'S THE SECOND TIME I'VE FALLEN FOR IT THIS MONTH.
- ( Gaffer groans ) - WHAT'S THE MATTER, 99? - NOTHING.
- DIDN'T YOU GROAN? - NO, I THOUGHT YOU DID.
- NO, IT WASN'T ME.
IF IT WASN'T ME AND IT WASN'T YOU THEN IT COULDN'T BE ANYBODY ELSE EXCEPT THAT DUMMY LYING OVER THERE ON THE TORTURE RACK.
( groaning ) - DO DUMMIES GROAN? - NO.
NOT UNLESS THEY'RE IN GREAT PAIN.
- ( groaning ) - THAT ONE IS.
THAT'S NO DUMMY.
THAT'S MR.
GAFFER.
- THANK YOU.
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? FINE, I THINK.
- 99, GET THOSE SHACKLES OFF.
- RIGHT.
MR.
GAFFER, WE LOOKED EVERYWHERE FOR YOUR DIARY, BUT WE COULDN'T FIND IT.
IT WASN'T NEAR ANY BIRDS.
WELL, BIRDS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, SMART.
- THEY DIDN'T? - NO.
THE CLUE WAS "BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER.
" NOW YOU START BY ELIMINATING ALL THE UNNECESSARY WORDS, WHICH LEAVES YOU WITH THE NECESSARY WORD.
NOW THERE ARE 28 LETTERS IN THE CLUE.
I'M AGENT 4.
YOU DIVIDE 28 BY FOUR, AND YOU ARRIVE AT SEVEN.
NOW THERE ARE SIX WORDS IN THE CLUE, BUT ONLY ONE WORD WITH SEVEN LETTERS-- "FEATHER.
" IT'S SO SIMPLE.
I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF IT MYSELF.
AND HERE IS THE DIARY, RIGHT BEHIND THIS FEATHER.
I'LL TAKE IT.
AND YOUR GUNS TOO.
NOW TAKE THEM OUT VERY SLOWLY.
PUT THEM RIGHT THERE ON THE CASE VERY CAREFULLY.
NOW GET YOUR HANDS UP AND BACK AWAY FROM THE CASE.
BUT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SUGGESTED THE TRAP AND THE INVISIBLE DUST.
OF COURSE HE DID, 99.
HE DELIBERATELY SET THOSE FOOTPRINTS KNOWING THEY'D LEAD US TO MR.
GAFFER AND HE'D TELL US ABOUT THE DIARY.
- DUCK.
- ( bullets ricochet ) PROFESSOR BUSH'S UMBRELLA, RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- ( gunshot ) - Gaffer: OPEN IT UP.
THE UMBRELLA PART IS A SHIELD.
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS A SHIELD.
IT IS, BUT I JUST REMEMBERED-- NOT AGAINST BULLETS.
- ( gunshot ) - ( groans ) WELL, I CERTAINLY HAVE TO GIVE PROFESSOR BUSH CREDIT.
THIS IS A WONDERFUL GUN IF IT DOESN'T RAIN.
WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS WHY DID MISS DAVENPORT AND PROFESSOR BUSH PRETENDED THEY'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOUR DIARY.
WELL, THEY KNEW IT CONTAINED CONTROL SECRETS AND THEY WANTED TO PROTECT MY REPUTATION.
THAT'S RIGHT, 99.
AFTER ALL, MR.
GAFFER IS STILL ONE OF THE BEST.
HE'S MY IDOL.
DID YOU KNOW THAT MR.
GAFFER ONCE CAPTURED WITH MACHINE GUNS? WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT? MACHINE GUNS.
I FIND THAT VERY HARD TO BELIEVE.
WOULD YOU BELIEVE FOUR KILLERS WITH KNIVES? I DON'T THINK SO.
HOW ABOUT A MEAN LITTLE KID WITH A PEASHOOTER? MAX, DON'T YOU THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME WE GOT GOING? Max: IN A MINUTE, 99.
MR.
GAFFER, I'VE NEVER ASKED ANYONE THIS BEFORE, BUT I WONDER IF YOU'D MIND GIVING ME YOUR AUTOGRAPH.
CERTAINLY.
OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT.
- NOW WHERE DO YOU WANT ME TO SIGN? - OH, RIGHT HERE.
OH.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
COME ON, 99, I WANT TO GET HOME AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
- WHY, MAX? - I WANT TO WRITE ALL THIS DOWN IN MY DIARY.
( theme music playing )