Hannah Montana s01e21 Episode Script

I got nerve Yeah, yeah, yeah I got nerve Thanks for coming! See you all next time! Hey, take it easy, people.
She picks her nose just like everybody else.
- One nostril at a time.
- That is not true.
Right, she has people do it for her.
Hey, it was one time.
My nails were wet and Lilly offered.
Hey, Andy, don't bother with switching the limos tonight.
Nobody's following us.
And the sooner I can stop breathing the same air as my brother, the better.
Lighten up.
I'm just having a little fun.
You'd feel the same way if you had to sit backstage and listen to songs you've heard a thousand times.
- I get it, "You got nerve.
" - Yes, I do.
- Hey, Miles, you got your keys on you? - Who's taking care of who? Yeah, right, sorry.
Bye.
Jackson, very funny.
Come on, Jackson, let me in.
- Jackson! - Hey, Hannah! Got you! I knew if I kept following you, I'd find out where you live.
Live here? Me? No, I'm just here to visit a friend.
- Looks more like a boyfriend to me.
- A what? Say "Front Page!" Come on! You get the limo out front Hottest styles, every shoe, every color Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun It's really you but no one ever discovers Who would have thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best of both worlds Mix it all together And you know that it's the best of both worlds Go away! You guys wanna see something? I'll show you a little something! Oh, great.
I can see the next headline now.
"Hannah Dates Monkey Boy!" Hey, there wouldn't even be any headlines if it wasn't for you.
And there wouldn't be any picture if you hadn't locked me out.
Clear it! Out of my way! This is my house! Get back! Hey, why don't y'all go chase a crooked politician? At least he'll smile for you.
So, when exactly were you two gonna tell me you were dating? Come on, Dad, it's not funny.
It's horrible.
Yeah, how could anybody believe that I would go out with someone like her? Jackson, it would be the luckiest day of your life if you got to date Hannah Montana.
And what am I saying? Well, the two of you do make a lovely couple.
No! This is all your fault! "Don't bother switching the limos.
Nobody's following us.
I am so smart.
" Blah! Blah! Blah! - Is that true, Mile? - Dad, please, no lectures.
The entire world now thinks I'm dating Jackson.
Isn't that punishment enough? I'm afraid this time you're not gonna able to joke your way out of this.
Who's joking? Oh, great, just what I need.
Hi, Traci.
Hannah, I can't believe you have a boyfriend and didn't tell me.
And he's so cute.
Yeah, he's really something.
You have to bring him to the party I'm throwing for Madonna tomorrow afternoon.
Everyone's going to be there.
It's the perfect place to show off Hannah's new hottie.
Trace, I don't know how we could pass up an opportunity like this.
Of course me and my hottie will be at your party.
What? Fabu.
Ciao.
Will this nightmare never end? Not until the press gets a picture of us breaking up.
And that party is the perfect place to do it.
Look, I am not going to some stupid celebrity party as Hannah's little show dog.
Right, Dad? Dad? Oh, no, Dad! Why? Son, I know your sister got herself into this pickle, but she's not gonna be able to get out of it without your help.
Now, you may not like it, but that's what family does for family.
All right, fine.
But since you got me into this, I get to break up with you.
No way.
I'm the teen pop sensation.
I get to break up with you.
Right, Dad? Dad? Oh, no, Dad! Why? Boy, life sure can be weird.
Who would have thought Miley would be dating Jackson and you'd be burping a sack of flour.
Oliver, the assignment is to raise a fake baby.
You don't get extra credit for turning into Daddy McDork.
Hey, when you take Mr.
Meyer's class next semester, you can handle the assignment any way you want.
- But I'm gonna take it seriously.
- Why? There's my little cuddle-wuddles.
Mommy got you some organic strained beets from a non-profit Native American commune.
Yummy! You missed it, Sarah, sweetheart.
He just learned how to sit up on his own.
Good for you! It won't be long until you're all grown up and making alternative fuel out of raisins.
So, that's what this is all about.
- What? - Nothing.
It's just that you and Sarah and your "flour child" make a very cute family.
- Thank you.
- Oh, Lilly.
You kidder.
We're just friends doing an assignment.
Nothing more.
Don't blow this for me.
- I really like her.
- Since when? Since she became the mother of my assignment.
Look, I can't explain it.
But the more time I spend with her, the more I like her.
Oliver, I'm worried.
I think he looks a little pale.
Of course he's pale, he's bleached flour.
Okay, so we're clear on the plan, right? We get in front of the press and I say, " Jackson, what are you trying to say to me?" - And you say - "See you.
Wouldn't wanna be you.
" Now where's the free shrimp? Jackson, you're breaking up with Hannah Montana.
Can't you do it with a little more class? Apparently not.
Look who came to wish you a happy birthday, Madonna.
America's new sweethearts.
Madonna's a cat? I'm at a birthday party in a tent for a cat.
What's for dessert, chocolate mousse or chocolate mouse? You're funny.
And he's even cuter in person.
He is? I mean he is, of course, he is.
After all, he's my boyfriend.
Impressive.
Madonna's purring.
Oh, wait, that's me.
I smell something wrapped in bacon.
What a caveman! You better be careful, someone's going to steal him.
Make me an offer.
You're Hannah's new dude.
- Awesome.
- Yeah, great, whatever.
Hey, I'm Stavros.
I'm dating Ashley.
- Which Ashley? - Like it matters.
I got courtside seats for the Lakers tomorrow night and Leonardo, he can't go.
You wanna come? Do I have to pay for parking? Hey, you're one of us now.
We don't have to pay for anything.
So, what do you mean? Dude, when you're in the public eye as much as we are, companies give you stuff just for the publicity.
Here.
Get your picture taken wearing these, you'll be getting tons of glasses for free.
Awesome.
Oh, yeah.
Look, Hannah, someone got Madonna a rhinestone scooper.
What a lucky kitty.
- Where's the press? - Don't worry.
I knew you'd want your privacy, so I kept the whole thing on the DL.
Terrific.
Isn't that woman wearing the same dress as you? Oh, she has got to go.
Security, escort my mother out! Yes, This Week In Hollywood? Hi, it's Traci Van Horne and you'll never guess who's at my party.
Hannah Montana and her new beau.
That's right.
And you better hurry.
Ciao.
Oliver, you've got to get your board.
The waves are incredible today.
How did I get so lucky? Everyone picked partners and you were the only two left.
Ollie-kins, where's the sunscreen? Now that they've destroyed the ozone layer, we have to protect Little Ollie.
Coming, Sarah-boo.
Ollie-kins? Sarah-boo? I know.
My cup runneth over.
Oh, there you go.
Just think, one day he could be a great humanitarian.
Or a couple dozen cupcakes.
So, is he a good kisser? We haven't done that yet.
We're taking it slow.
Real slow.
I'm talking centuries.
Hannah, train wreck.
Someone tipped off the press that you were here.
- No.
- I'm so embarrassed.
- I'll sneak you out the back.
- No, that would ruin everything! I mean, if we don't face them now, they'll never go away.
You are so brave.
Oh, yeah! Jackson, where've you been? Stavros just let me drive his Vavetti Convertible.
It was awesome! Hey, why don't you keep it for the week? I got an SUV that needs some TLC.
Oh, yeah! Honey.
- Chicks.
What? - The press is here.
So if there's anything you would like to tell me, you should tell me now.
- Oh, right.
- Come on, Jackson.
- What do you have to say to me? - I Come on.
I can handle it.
Say something, monkey boy.
I love you Hannah Montana and I never want to break up with you.
Never, ever! Well, aren't you full of surprises, honey? - Come on, Miles.
What's the big deal? - Don't even talk to me! Sounds like you two are still a couple.
Not just any couple! According to Jackson, we're the happiest couple in Hollywood! Jackson, I'm gonna ask you a question I've never had to ask one of my kids before.
Why didn't you break up with your sister? All right, look, I admit it.
I may have gotten a little carried away.
But, Dad, some guy loaned me his convertible for the week just because I'm Hannah's boyfriend.
I don't care what the reason was, you were supposed to help your sister It's the Vavetti twin turbo.
You and I are gonna take a long ride and talk about it.
I'll drive.
Dad, what about me? Oh, honey, there's no backseat and you've already had a ride.
- Do you hear yourself? - Oh, I'm sorry.
Your daddy just had little bit of a male moment there.
Jackson, your sister's right.
You can't take advantage of her like this.
She's the one that made me her boyfriend in the first place.
All I'm asking is to keep pretending for, like, a week, so I can have a little fun with it.
And you can't even give me that.
- Good! We understand each other.
- Yeah, we do.
When you need a favor from me, that's family helping family.
But when I ask for a little something in return, well, suddenly Hannah doesn't play that game.
Nice to know how things work around here! Don't worry, honey, he'll cool off.
I know, it's just What? Well, I did get him into this, and he did help me out.
And he never really gets the perks I get when I'm Hannah.
I mean, really, where's the harm? I don't know, but I'm sure the two of you will find it.
I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think I have to do it.
- One week.
I can handle that.
Yes! You are the best girlfriend I've ever had! This is weirder than a three-eyed billy goat in a flat-bed truck in the middle of Manhattan.
Okay, Coop, I'll tell him.
So, how was lunch with the boyfriend? - We didn't eat.
- Why not? No, no, no, you listen to me, Mr.
Diddy.
If you want us to eat at your restaurant again, it's table one or nothing.
Yeah, I don't even care if you have to dump Bradgelina.
You're dealing with Jacksannah now.
Good day.
I said good day, Diddy! - Answer your question? - Hey, Jacksannah, Cooper called.
Remember him, your best friend? Oh, right, I've been meaning to get back to him.
Note to self.
Send Coop a nice fruit basket saying I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah.
And throw in an autographed photo of Jacksannah.
That's it! I've had it! Look at yourself! I don't even know who you are anymore.
And tomorrow on the Wake Up, It's Wendy! show, I'm announcing that " Jacksannah" is history.
Hold on, you can't do that.
We had a deal.
And if I'm not seen in public wearing the sunglasses, the jacket, and the watch, I'm gonna have to give them all back! I don't care! But the public doesn't want me, they want us.
I'm nothing without you.
You complete me.
And you completely creep me out! Okay, okay, okay, okay! But what about family helping family? I tried to help you, but all it's done is turn you into an obnoxious, self-centered jerk who took advantage of his sister and blew off his best friend! Dude, it's over! Snoop Dorky Dork.
Hey, hey, I did not blow him off! I'm sending him a nice fruit basket! Dad, talk to her.
Dad! I am gonna send you a very strongly worded text message.
So, how about that A we got on the baby project? Yeah.
It's pretty great.
- Did you say something? - No.
Oh.
- I'm just gonna go stretch my legs.
- All right.
She's suffocating me! Sarah? The love of your life? The apple of your eye? The mother of your flour? That's just it.
Without the kid we have nothing to talk about.
So tell her how you feel and get it over with.
Lilly, you don't understand, I mean, that would break her heart.
I'm her Big Daddy Oken! Big Daddy.
I gotta be honest.
Without the baby we have nothing to talk about, you're boring and you use petroleum-based hair products.
It's over.
Bye, Lilly! She's dying inside.
If we were a movie You'd be the right guy I'd be the best friend That you'd fall in love with In the end we'd be laughing Watching the sunset Fade to black, show the names Play that happy song What a beautiful, beautiful song, sung by a beautiful, beautiful girl.
Take a look under your seats people.
You've all got free Hannah Montana goodie bags! So, Hannah.
Whenever I hear a song sung with that kind of emotion, I can't help thinking that you were thinking of someone very special.
Am I right? Am I right? I'm right, aren't I? - Well, now that you bring it up - Yes.
I do have some news about me and Jackson.
No, no, no, it's not like that.
It's really kind of serious.
The truth is, Jackson and I are Totally and completely in love! Oh, no.
- I love Hannah Montana! I love Hannah Montana! I love Hannah Montana! Ladies and gentlemen, the couple of the moment, Jacksannah! - What are you doing? - I am trying to save this relationship! - What relationship? - Don't say that, babe.
I love this woman.
I love this woman.
I love her more than I love my Grunschwiegenflagen watch! Water resistant to 150 meters.
Wow, Hannah, what do you have to say to that? - You wanna know what I'm gonna say? - Yes, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! You make me sick.
I hate everything that you've become.
We never should've started this dating thing.
It was one big, huge mistake, but now it's over.
No, no.
No, I can change.
Please, just give me another chance.
I don't want to lose you and all the things, Grunschwiegenflagen watch, that we have together.
Forget it.
We have nothing together.
Jackson, it's over.
Hannah, he's down on his knees.
How can you turn him down? Watch me.
If we were a movie I'd be the right guy That you'd fall in love with Look at yourself.
You're pathetic.
No, stop, please! You don't understand! Jackson! Jackson! - Thanks a lot.
Jackson! Jackson! Jackson! - Wait.
Hold on, everybody.
- Jackson! Jackson! I've got something I gotta say.
Hannah's not the bad guy here.
I am.
I just I wanted a taste of the good life and Hannah pretended to go out with me so I could get it.
The truth is, there never really was a Jacksannah.
So you're saying all of this was pretend? No, not all of it.
I do love Hannah, but more like a sister.
And I was hoping that we could get back to that.
I really am sorry.
Okay.
Hug, hug.
Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Hug! Stop pointing at the watch.
- Sorry.