Life with Boys (2011) s01e21 Episode Script

Mr.
Henderson, 74.
Average and unexceptional.
Anything in the seventies, anything in the seventies.
Ms.
Brooks, 71.
Aaah! Oh yeah! Go Allie, it's your birthday! Who's your daddy? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah! Just once, don't gloat when you get a better grade than me.
I never gloat.
I simply point out, in a clever and witty way, that you be dumber than me.
And now, a historic moment in our history class.
Ms.
Foster, I don't think it's any secret that you've always choked on your brother's dust.
But not today.
A 96, congratulations.
Who be dumber now? And maybe one day, you will actually beat Mr.
Perfect Score.
Still be you! "Maybe one day you'll beat your brother.
" You know how many times I've heard that? Oh, I don't know.
I'm guessing about as many times as I've heard you say, "You know how many times I've heard that?" Or you could have tried, "Oh, you poor thing! What can I do to make the hurt go away?" You're right, I'm sorry.
Oh, you poor thing! What can I do to make the hurt go away? Nothing.
What kind of question is that? I can't win here.
You can't win here? This has been going on since before I can remember.
Like in kindergarten Look what I did! Then, Sam would build one It's almost as good as what I did when I was three.
Oh, and you think being your twin has been like a ride on a Rose Parade float? Uh no! Look, I made one! Only to hear you say I made one, too.
One zillion! And it's only gotten worse.
If I do 40 push-ups in P.
E.
, she does 50.
Oh, please, when have you ever done 40 push-ups? I said "if.
" He's so infuriating! Don't you mean, "twin-furiating"? Ha, ha! Wow.
How long did it take you to come up with that one? During the whole flashback thing.
My mind wanders.
It's not that I hate him, it's just every time I turn around at home, he's there.
Every time I turn around at school, he's there.
I just can't get away from him.
Forget it, Luther, ain't gonna happen.
Shouldn't you leave it up to Tess? Uh, leave what up to me? It's crazy.
Coach Luther lost Bobby Parelli to Southwest Academy, and now he's so desperate for a star wrestler, he's come crawling to you.
Full scholarship and a realistic chance at winning nationals.
Could look mighty good on a college application.
You're not getting my daughter, and you're bald.
What does that have to do with anything? Nothing, I just wanted to point out that I have hair and you're bald.
Ah-buh-bye! I wanna do it.
Ah-buh-what? I want to transfer to Pineview.
Feels like I'm caught in the middle Drama comes with every new day So far to fall Walking the tightrope But I wouldn't have it any other way We're gonna put one foot in front of the other Get tripped up and step on one another We move ahead and try to keep it on track 'Cause we know we got each other's back Don't need to fight it No need to deny It's a crazy life, a random life A wonderful life You've got to be kidding me, Tess.
Why? A better wrestling coach, perhaps? Butt out, baldy.
You want to transfer schools just to get away from Sam? Naleh Pineview da coach jadaa badeeiyai! What? That's Punjabi for, "And Pineview has a better coach.
" And apparently, a better language arts program.
Just sayin'.
Tess Don't tell me I'm overreacting.
Just because I'm a teenage girl doesn't mean I jump to decisions because I'm blinded by emotions that overwhelm my ability to think rationally.
I'll have you know, this has been on my mind for closing in on 2 1/2 minutes.
Which is not nearly enough time to make a decision of this importance.
Clearly, I need to give myself more time to think about this, which is exactly what I'm going to do, so stop lecturing me! Personally, I agree with everything you just said.
But I didn't say anything.
Which proves what I've always said.
You're much smarter when you don't open your mouth.
That was for the bald shots.
Fair enough.
You're short.
You can't really be thinking about this.
I mean, it's just I know.
We'd both miss each other, and it would be really hard.
I don't like it either, but what else can I do? I'll tell you what you can do.
You can think about the rainforest.
The rainforest? Yes.
Because if you transfer to Pineview, I'll be miserable, which means I'll do a lot of crying.
Which means I'll use a lot of tissues, which means they'll cut down more trees, and before you know it, your selfish act has turned the rainforest into a big patch of dirt and stumps.
And that will be on your head.
I'll keep that in mind.
You're transferring to Pineview? I'm thinking about it.
Vroom-vroom! Timber! Whoosh! Poor little forest animals! You'd really transfer over one fight? It's not just that.
I mean, think about it.
We're always in classes together; we never get a break from each other I'm way ahead of you, which is exactly why next semester, I signed up for drama and yearbook.
See? He signed up for drama and yearbook.
I signed up for drama and yearbook.
You signed up for drama and yearbook? Since when are you interested in drama and yearbook? Since I thought you weren't! But what if we're both in the same play? What if we're Romeo and Juliet? Oh, like you would ever get cast as Romeo! "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun.
" You, on the other hand, are the black hole who sucks all the joy out of my life.
Oh, yeah? "What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet.
" Except for you, you stink! Thou who smelteth it, dealteth it.
Ugh! Okay.
May I present our family's newest driver, Gabriel "My insurance premiums are gonna go through the roof" Foster! Thank you! Thank you! Who cares? Big whoop.
Would I be a bad father if I didn't go and find out what that's all about? You're asking me? I'm eight! I'm still struggling with the big toilet-paper question.
Do I crumple or fold? Fold.
Crumple.
Really? You're tearing me apart! Well, have fun with the whole dad thing.
I'm gonna go drive around the neighbourhood, and make my friends wish they were me.
You know, more than they already do.
Uh, don't you have a term paper due tomorrow? Yup.
See ya.
Uh have you started it yet? Nope.
See ya.
Okay, this whole waiting until the last minute and sliding by with C's ain't gonna cut it anymore.
If you're capable of driving, you're capable of getting B's.
You know, if you'd just accept the fact that I have no potential, we'd both be a lot happier.
Would you stop looking at the stupid Pineview web site? Who cares if they have an indoor swimming pool, a state-of-the-art auditorium and Are those horses? They have a polo team.
Allie, can we have a minute? Sure.
But, uh, you're gonna need more than a minute.
They have horses.
Okay, clearly we have a problem here.
Not anymore.
I've thought about it and I've decided I want to go to Pineview.
Well, there you go, problem solved! I think we're done here! Or we can talk about it.
But, just know, the tall intimidating thing won't last forever.
I will grow and you will shrink.
Circle of life, my friend.
Sit.
Sitting.
And you had 30 years without him.
I had a solid minute-and-a-half before Mom popped him out, and he screamed in my ear.
And he hasn't stopped whining since.
Sit.
Sitting.
And technically, it's not whining if I'm right.
Which you never are.
Said Miss 96 to Mister Perfect Score.
That's enough.
Now, Tess, I know Pineview is a fine school, but wanting to transfer to get away from your brother isn't a good reason.
Sure it is.
Works for me.
Well, it doesn't work for me.
You know, your Uncle Jerry and I were twins too, and we had plenty of fights when we were your age, but I didn't transfer schools.
Why? Because Uncle Jerry went to a different high school.
I was hoping you wouldn't remember that.
Didn't he go to a special school for smart kids? Oh yeah.
Oh, no, no, no, no! Not special, just different.
"Look at me, bra, I'm good at math.
" Show off! See, being a twin is hard and you know it.
And I can't take it anymore.
As long as he is at that school, I am not going back.
No fair! She gets to storm out and I don't? Mmm, girl, I don't think so! Tess, honey, can't we talk about this a little more? No.
I'm sorry, that came out wrong.
I meant, Tess, honey, we are going to talk about this a little more.
Ugh, I can't wait until you get old and weak.
Yeah well, you'll sing a different tune when you have your first apartment, and you need someone to help move a couch up three flights of stairs.
Um, that's what boyfriends are for.
That's a low blow.
I know you think I'm overreacting, but look around.
Matching tricycles.
Matching skateboards.
Matching snowboards.
Your mother thought that was cute.
And Dad, it was cute, but it's just not cute anymore.
And it's only gonna get worse next semester.
He wants to be in Yearbook, I want to be in Yearbook.
He wants to take Drama.
I want to take Drama.
We're just tired of doing these things together.
And you both feel the same way? Absolutely! I wasn't eavesdropping.
I was just throwing something in the trash.
See? Sam doesn't wanna fight with me and I don't wanna fight with him.
We just need a little space.
Preach it, sister! Well I still don't like it, but if you both feel the same way, and you're absolutely sure about this.
The semester ends on Friday and on Monday, you can start at Pineview.
Again, not eavesdropping, just really excited about trash day tomorrow.
The whole feeling of starting anew! Bye.
Hey, big bro, who will soon be able to drive me wherever I wanna go.
Check it out, I made you a brain-booster smoothie.
It has broccoli, blueberries, green tea and fish oil.
Plus, a full can of chocolate syrup to suppress the gag reflex.
Thanks, Spence, but as delicious as that sounds, I've already finished my paper.
Fine.
More for me.
Wow, that chocolate syrup didn't do squat.
Eight pages on the evolution of Greek architecture.
What's that I smell? A B-plus with a hint of A-minus? Why does it say "written by Gurjeet Bassi"? That's a typo.
I accidentally Forgot to take her name off when you stole it from the internet? It's not stealing.
I was simply quoting her paper.
From beginning to end? Gabe, Gabe, Gabe.
Gurjeet and I happen to think alike! Gabe, Gabe, Gabe.
Stop that! More weight.
More weight! Blender or peanut butter? Blender.
Who da man? Jack's da man.
Yeah.
All right.
Come on.
Here we go.
Oh, peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter! Dad, I know you really wanted me to get a B, and I really felt that this time my paper deserved it.
Aw, Gabe! I argued with Mr.
Weager and he refused to change it from an A! Aw, come on! I don't believe it! That makes two of us.
Here you go, Gabe.
You earned it.
Thanks, Dad.
Gabe, Gabe, Gabe.
"Gabe, Gabe, Gabe.
" It's not like I copied the paper exactly.
I widened the margins, changed the I put a lot of hard work into that thing.
Am I right? You were my hero.
I can't look at you.
All right, brain smoothie, do your thing.
Ugh! Hey, Brendon! Gillian! Timmy! Up top! Maybe later.
So, I know we're both getting what we want, but can you pull it back a notch, Skippy? You sound like an over-caffeinated morning D.
J.
I can't help it if it's a beau-u-utiful day here at wonderful Westfield High and the traffic in the hallway is flowing nicely at the top of the hour.
Last day, last day, last day.
Miss Foster, I can't believe you're leaving us.
Oh! My math class won't be the same without you! Oh.
Okay, um, don't worry, Mr.
Bennett! I'll come back and visit.
But not too often.
She's going to be very busy at her new school.
Lots of extra-curriculars.
Let's get you to your classroom.
Man up, Sir, you're embarrassing yourself.
It's just so hard when you lose the gifted ones.
How come it couldn't be that kid with the nose ring and nasal drip? I know, I know.
Tess, is it true? Is it really your last day? Oh.
Yeah, it is.
But don't worry, Chloe, we'll still see each other at The Blend and stuff.
But it won't be the same.
Ahh! Get a grip, girl.
Nobody likes Debbie Downer.
Okay? She'll be fine, she's good, just just go.
Bye, Chloe.
I just wanted you to know I'll be fine.
I know, I can tell from the posing and the grieving widow outfit.
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm losing my best friend.
Aren't you sad, too? Of course I am.
Aren't you going to miss our walks to school together and lunches together? And doing homework together.
And checking out cute boys together.
You're leaving, that one's mine.
I'm leaving.
You're leaving.
I'm sorry, I'm being selfish.
I'm really happy for you! Just promise me you'll meet me at The Blend after school like we always did.
I'm really gonna miss you at school today.
I'll miss you, too.
Hey.
So, uh, big day.
Big big day.
And I, uh, you know, was wondering I'll be fine.
Thanks.
Good.
This whole "caring about someone else" is really hard for you, isn't it? You have no idea.
Stop that! I'm furious with you! You're mad at me? I'm the one going to a new school! What more do you want from me? I want you to be happy about it.
I am happy about it.
No, you're not.
Yeah, she is.
She just told me.
Oh, what do you know? You're just her brother.
I'm her twin.
We can't fool each other.
And that's enough caring about other people for one day.
All right, I'm not happy.
But, you're getting everything you want.
What what do you care? I care because of this.
And this.
Don't you get it? I don't have a choice, and neither do you.
When you're happy, I'm happy.
When you're sad, I'm sad.
No matter how hard we fight it, we're connected.
So, what are we gonna do about it? Don't go to Pineview.
Really? Yeah, you need to stay.
We'll both be miserable, but it's the only way we'll both be happy.
I'm still taking drama.
So am I.
And yearbook.
Me too, and photography.
Me, too! Mmm-hmm.
Hey, Sam? What? Wait for me to change so we can walk to school together? Sure.
Thanks.
Gabe, I'm proud of you.
Thanks, Dad.
I said you had to get a B, and that's exactly what you did.
Thanks, Dad.
You stayed up all night and worked your tail off.
Would you just let go? Ahh! You okay, son? You may need a few minutes to regain your composure.
I may need a few minutes to regain my composure.