Rhoda (1974) s01e21 Episode Script

- MY NAME IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX, NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER LIKING THAT LIKED ME BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD, AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
[TELEPHONE RINGS.]
- HELLO? OH, HIYA, MA.
YEAH, JOE'S STILL OUT OF TOWN.
SO, WHAT'S UP? NO KIDDING.
REALLY? YOU CALLED A FAMILY MEETING? IT MUST BE SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
I REMEMBER ONLY THREE OTHER FAMILY MEETINGS YOU'VE CALLED.
ONE WAS WHEN I MOVED TO MINNEAPOLIS, WHEN I GO MARRIED, AND WHEN MARTIN AND LEWIS SPLIT UP.
SURE, SURE, I'LL TELL BRENDA.
YEAH.
BUT, MA-- WAIT A MINUTE, D--DON'T HANG UP.
NO, NO, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE NOT KNOWING WHA THE MEETING'S ABOUT.
I'M NOT GOING TO WAI UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
MA.
NO, NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO RUN.
BECAUSE WHERE WOULD YOU BE RUNNING AT 8:00 IN THE EVENING? MA, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS AN EMERGENCY MAH JONG GAME.
MA, DON'T SAY GOOD-BYE.
- LISTEN, I WANT TO KNOW-- [CLICK.]
[ACCORDION PLAYING.]
- VINCE, THIS IS SO MUCH TROUBLE YOU GO TO.
I MEAN, WHY LUG YOUR ACCORDION ALL THE WAY HERE WHEN I CAN JUST PU ON SOME RECORDS OR SOMETHING? - WELL, I THOUGH IT WOULD TURN YOU ON.
[PLAYING ACCORDION.]
- VINCE? VINCE? VINCE! VINCE, I WAS HOPING, UH, TONIGHT WE WOULDN'T GET INTO THAT AREA OF CONFLICT WE'VE BEEN GETTING INTO LATELY.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU'RE NO FEELING WHAT I'M FEELING.
I'M DYING FROM WHA YOU'RE DOING TO ME.
- VINCE, MAYBE WE SHOULDN' TALK ABOUT IT SO MUCH.
I MEAN, MAYBE IT SHOULD BE MORE, YOU KNOW, SPONTANEOUS.
- RIGHT.
FROM NOW ON IT'LL BE SPONTANEOUS.
- VINCE, DON' UNBUCKLE YOUR ACCORDION.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I MEAN, I--I WON'T GO ALL THE WAY.
I WON'T UNBUCKLE IT, I'LL I'LL JUST UNSTRAP.
- VINCE, MAYBE TOMORROW NIGHT.
- FOR SURE? - IF IT'S SPONTANEOUS.
- IT WILL BE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- BRENDA? - YEAH? - UH, ARE YOU BUSY? - UH, NO.
WE WERE JUST ABOU TO CALL IT A WRAP.
- OH, I'M SORRY, I'LL COME BACK LATER, BREN.
- NO, NO, IT'S OK, RHO.
COME ON IN.
- YEAH? OH, LISTEN, I DON' MEAN TO INTERRUPT.
BUSTING IN ON YOU AND, UH - VINCE.
- HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IF ANYTHING WAS REALLY GOING ON, WE WOULDN'T HAVE HEARD THE KNOCK, HUH? - MM-HMM.
I SEE.
- YOU'VE GOT A GREA LITTLE SISTER, HERE.
- YEAH.
- HMM.
YOU'RE PRETTY FOXY YOURSELF.
- THANKS.
SHOWS HOW LONG I'VE BEEN AROUND.
FROM DOGGIE TO FOXY.
- TOMORROW NIGHT, BABY.
IT'S GOING TO BE AN IMPORTANT NIGHT FOR US.
WE'RE GOING TO BESPONTANEOUS.
THE EARTH WILL MOVE.
THE SKY WILL OPEN AND I'LL BRING SOME RIBS.
- GEE, UH, BREN, I'M SORRY, I REALLY AM.
I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER HAVE COME DOWN, BUT YOUR PHONE HAS BEEN BUSY FOR OVER AN HOUR.
- OH, NO, RHO, IT'S OK, REALLY.
YOUR TIMING WAS GREAT.
- REALLY? - YEAH.
- YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS DECISION THA VINCE WANTS ME TO MAKE UP MY MIND ABOUT.
- OH, THAT DECISION.
- YEAH.
YEAH.
HE WANTS TO BE MORE INTIMATE.
I KEEP TELLING HIM I HAVE TO KNOW A GUY FOR A WHILE.
I MEAN, I JUST CAN'T SEE HIM A COUPLE OF TIMES, I HAVE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.
- THAT'S TRUE.
- YEAH.
- AND I TOLD HIM THERE ARE A CERTAIN NUMBER OF DATES YOU SHOULD HAVE BEFORE YOU EVEN CONSIDER DOING "INTIMATE.
" - RIGHT.
HOW MANY DATES DID YOU TELL HIM? - 14.
- GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD, YEAH.
AND WHAT DID HE SAY? - WELL, THAT WAS 2 WEEKS AGO, AND HE'S BEEN UP HERE EVERY NIGHT SINCE.
I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHAT TO DO.
- BRENDA, BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY DECISION AT ALL, I GOT TO ASK YOU ONE QUESTION.
DO YOU REALLY, REALLY LIKE VINCE? - DON'T YOU? - UH, WELL, THAT'S NOT AN ISSUE HERE.
- YOU LIKE THIS GUY? - YEAH.
I LIKE HIM.
- YOU DON'T LIKE HIM? - BRENDA, I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU LIKE HIM.
THAT'S ALL.
MY OPINION OF A GUY WHO BRINGS AN ACCORDION ON A DATE IS UNIMPORTANT.
- RHODA, COME ON.
I MEAN, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO SAY "NO" TO A GUY LIKE VINCE.
HE'S SO MAGNETIC.
- THIS VINCE? THIS GUY? THAT WAS JUST HERE? - YEAH.
- MAGNETIC? - YEAH.
- I MEAN, HOW OFTEN DOES A GUY LIKE VINCE MAZUMA COME ALONG? - EVERY 3 SECONDS.
- ALL RIGHT, RHODA.
OK, I JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OU WHAT TO DO BY TOMORROW NIGHT.
[HUMMING.]
I'M GOING TO SEE HIM.
- WAIT.
BRENDA, YOU CAN'T.
- WHY? - MA CALLED.
- THERE IS A FAMILY MEETING SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.
- OH, A FAMILY MEETING, HUH? OH, SHE PROBABLY COULDN'T GET ME.
MY PHONE'S BEEN OFF THE HOOK.
WELL, I GOT TO CALL HER, BECAUSE I CAN'T GO.
[TELEPHONE RINGING.]
- DIRECT DIALING.
- HELLO, MA? YEAH, LISTEN, I WAS GOING TO CALL YOU.
UH, CAN YOU SWITCH THE MEETING TOMORROW NIGHT? BECAUSE I CAN'T MAKE IT.
BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT DATE.
MA, THE ISSUE IS NOT WHETHER SOME GUY MEANS MORE THAN THE PERSON WHO SUFFERED THROUGH 9 MONTHS OF MORNING SICKNESS FOR ME.
NO.
MA, I AM NO COMING TO THE MEETING.
NO.
I AM NOT.
I'M NOT, MA, I'M NOT.
GOOD-BYE.
- I'LL PICK YOU UP ON MY WAY OVER.
- RIGHT.
- OK, OK.
THE FAMILY MEETING IS NOW CALLED TO ORDER.
NOW, MA, WHAT IS IT? - WELL, LET'S JUST SAY, "HELLO," FIRST.
AND LET'S TRY TO BE CALM.
BECAUSE IN A FEW MINUTES THERE MAY BE A LOT OF HYSTERIA AND THIS MAY BE OUR LAST CHANCE TO BE CALM.
HELLO, RHODA.
- MA, WHAT'S GOING ON? - WELL, RHODA, I SEE YOU HAVE BLOWN YOUR LAST CHANCE OF BEING CALM BY BECOMING HYSTERICAL TOO EARLY.
- WHERE'S POP? - IS THIS SOMETHING ABOUT POP? - IT'S POP, IT IS, THAT'S WHAT'S THE MATTER.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? - IT'S NOT YOUR FATHER.
- HE ISN'T HERE BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
NOW, IF THE TWO OF YOU WILL SIT DOWN, I WILL TRY AND FIGURE OU A WAY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO THE BOTH OF YOU.
OH, MY GOD.
- MA, WHAT'S WRONG? - I'VE DECIDED I DON'T WAN YOU TWO TO KNOW ABOUT IT EITHER.
- WHAT? - MA, YOU MADE ME RE-ARRANGE MY WHOLE LIFE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS THING.
NOW YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO TELL US WHAT IT IS? - WELL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I'M NOT GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS.
SO LONG, MA.
WHATEVER IT IS, IT CAN'T BE SO IMPORTANT TO GO THROUGH THIS KIND OF AGGRAVATION.
- YES, IT CAN.
- YOU ALMOST MADE IT, RHODA.
- I KNOW.
- WHY'D YOU COME BACK? - I DON'T KNOW, BRENDA.
I GUESS THE THRILL OF THE HUNT.
- IT'S MY HEALTH.
- WHAT? - MA - WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? - WHAT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH? HAVE YOU BEEN TO A DOCTOR? - NO, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO TELL ME BECAUSE I'M AFRAID THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY WRONG.
- OH, BOY.
OH, I--I BETTER CALL MY DATE.
HE WAS GOING TO PICK ME UP HERE, BUT NOW I'VE GOT TO CALL TO STOP HIM.
- THAT'S GOOD.
GO, CALL HIM.
- CANCEL.
- NO, DON'T CANCEL A DATE! DON'T EVER CANCEL A DATE! - OH, MA, STOP IT! [ALL YELLING AT ONCE.]
- NOW, BE QUIET! - MA! - CALL HIM.
- I AM! HELLO? HELLO, VINCE? OH, UH, MIKE, IS VINCE THERE? WELL, IS THERE ANY CHANCE YOU CAN CATCH HIM? BECAUSE I HAVE TO CALL OFF TONIGHT.
WHY CAN'T I? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, BECAUSE TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT? I DO NOT KNOW WHA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
NO.
GOOD NIGHT.
- OK.
OK, YOU TWO YOU, YOU.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG.
I WANT TO KNOW NOW.
NO BUILD-UP, NO FANCY STORIES.
JUST SIMPLE SENTENCES, PLEASE, MA.
WHAT IS WRONG? - WELL, AS YOU KNOW, I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A MEDICAL DOCTOR IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
- UH-HUH.
- AND I'VE ONLY BEEN TO A DENTIST TWICE.
AND ON BOTH THOSE OCCASIONS IT WAS TO TRY AND INTERES HIM IN RHODA.
- MA, PLEASE, QUIT YOUR STALLING.
NOW TELL US WHAT'S THE-- WHAT'S THE MATTER? - ALL RIGHT, BUT LE ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS, THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
- WHY, BECAUSE IT'S NOT SERIOUS? - NO, BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY LIVED A FULL LIFE.
- PLEASE, I BEG YOU, MA, RIGHT NOW YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME AND BRENDA EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG.
- [SIGHS.]
OK.
LATELY I HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING SO GREAT.
I HAVE SHORTNESS OF BREATH, SOME TINGLING IN MY FINGERS, AND CHEST PAINS.
- OH, MA, MA.
OH, WOW.
LISTEN, IT COULD BE NOTHING.
AND--IF--AND, AND, WHATEVER IT IS, WE'RE GOING TO GET I TAKEN CARE OF.
WE--WE'LL GET IT FIXED.
- OH, TOTALLY FIXED.
- RIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE YOU TO A DOCTOR.
- OH, NO, NO, NO.
I--I DON'T THINK I COULD FACE ONE OF THOSE FELLAS.
- OH, COME ON.
- UNLESS, OF COURSE, HE'S RIGHT FOR BRENDA.
- MA, HOW CAN YOU BE WORRYING ABOUT ME? - I WORRY ABOUT YOU BECAUSE OF THE PRESSURES THAT ARE GOING TO BE PUT ONTO YOU TO GET MARRIED BEFORE I - MA, PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T.
I MEAN, WE LOVE YOU AND WE WAN TO HELP YOU.
NOW, LOOK JUST, FACTS.
SYMPTOMS.
OH, WHAT DO YOU--WHA DO YOU FEEL LIKE RIGHT NOW? I MEAN-- - RIGHT NOW? RIGHT NOW I FEEL WONDERFUL.
I FEEL WONDERFUL KNOWING HOW THE TWO OF YOU CARE.
- OH, COME ON.
- I REALLY DO.
- OH - I JUST LOVE YOU.
- ARE YOU--WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING, MA? YOU'RE OUR MOTHER, AREN'T YOU? - AT LEAST.
- MA, NOW, LISTEN, MA.
DON'T WORRY.
WE WILL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
- EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK.
- IT IS.
- OH, DARLINGS, WHY DOES IT TAKE SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO MAKE A FAMILY REALIZE HOW MUCH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER? - MA, PLEASE, DON'T.
PLEASE DON'T.
- STOP CRYING, I TELL YA.
EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.
HONESTLY, YOU'LL SEE.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- I'M GOING TO GET THE DOOR.
- GOOD, GOOD.
- [CRYING.]
- HI, BRENDA.
- HI.
- IS THAT YOUR MOTHER? - YEAH.
- HEY, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD HER WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO TONIGHT.
- RIGHT THIS WAY, MRS.
MORGENSTERN.
THE DOCTOR WILL BE WITH YOU IN JUST A MINUTE.
- UH, THE DOCTOR USUALLY SEES ONLY THE PATIENT.
- OH, BUT THIS IS OUR MOTHER.
DO YOU KNOW THIS IS HER FIRST TIME TO A DOCTOR? YEAH, I'M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND.
- BUT I'M SURE THAT YOU CAN SEE OUR PROBLEM.
I MEAN, IF WE LET PEOPLE BRING THEIR FAMILIES IN, WHY, WE'D HAVE CHILDREN ALL OVER THE DESKS.
- LISTEN, I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO THIS GUY.
- MA, JUST RELAX.
DID YOU HEAR ME, JUST RELAX.
PLEASE, YOU SEE THE SITUATION, NURSE.
THE WOMAN IS VERY FRIGHTENED.
NOW, I'M SURE YOU CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION.
HUH? I MEAN, IF YOU HAD THIS UNBENDABLE RULE, THAT WOULD BE STUPID.
- ARE YOU CALLING ME STUPID? - NO, NO.
YOU WOULDN'T BE STUPID.
IT WOULD BE STUPID.
HOWEVER, IF YOU INSIST ON US LEAVING, YOU ARE NOT BRIGHT.
- THE PATIENT STAYS AND YOU TWO GO.
- HEY, LOOK, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS.
I DON'T WANT AN ARGUMENT HERE.
IF YOU STAYED, WOULDN'T THAT BE-- - ALL THIS IS POINTLESS.
- BUT, PLEASE-- - NOW, YOU'RE JUS GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE.
- NURSE.
- THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO SAY.
- YES, THERE IS.
IF YOU DON'T LET US STAY, I DECK YOU, RIGHT HERE.
- WELL, I'LL ASK THE DOCTOR.
- OH, BOY.
- LISTEN, RHODA, I'M SORRY I LET YOU HANDLE THAT ALONE.
I MEAN, ON AN ORDINARY DAY I WOULD HAVE MADE YOGUR OF HER IN 2 MINUTES.
- SIT, MA.
SIT.
- LISTEN, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK THIS WHOLE THING IS GOING TO TAKE? - WELL, MA.
IT MIGHT TAKE A WHILE.
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
I MEAN, THEY GOTTA TAKE ALL THESE TESTS.
- LISTEN, I'VE NEVER TAKEN A TEST IN MY LIFE.
I READ A LO ABOUT THESE TESTS.
THESE TESTS CAN BE VERY EMBARRASSING.
- STOP.
- IF HE COMES AT ME WITH A LITTLE BOTTLE, I'M LEAVING.
- HELLO.
- HELLO THERE, DOCTOR.
- UH, WHICH ONE OF YOU THREATENED TO PUNCH MY NURSE? - OH, UH, WELL - TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, DOCTOR, IF ANYTHING HAD STARTED, I THINK THE 3 OF US WOULD HAVE BEEN IN ON IT.
- LET'S UHTRY AND RELAX, SHALL WE? WELL, TO BEGIN WITH, I WAN TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS.
MRS.
MORGENSTERN, HOW TALL ARE YOU? - SHE'S APPROXIMATELY 5 FEET TALL.
- WE DON'T LIKE APPROXIMATIONS.
DO YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW TALL YOU ARE? - WITHOUT HEELS, 4'10" AND 3/4.
WITH HEELS, 4'11.
" - THANK YOU.
HOW OLD ARE YOU? - GUESS.
- DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PATIENTS I HAVE WAITING FOR ME OUT THERE? - I'LL GUESS THA WHEN YOU GUESS MY AGE.
- 50.
- 7.
- YOU'RE 57 YEARS OLD? - NO, I THOUGHT YOU HAD 7 PATIENTS WAITING OUT IN THE LOBBY.
I'M 52.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU EVER HAD ANY JAUNDICE? - NO.
- APPENDICITIS? - NO.
- ANY SOCIAL DISEASES? - SOCIAL DISEASES? I DON'T KNOW WHO BROUGHT YOU UP, BUT I'M A LADY AND YOU'RE NOT TO USE WORDS LIKE THAT IN MY PRESENCE.
- ALL RIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLERGIES? - I'M ALLERGIC TO LITTLE BOTTLES.
- I'LL GET YOU A BIG ONE.
SHALL WE GO IN THE EXAMINATION ROOM? - ALL RIGHT.
WHERE'S THE WOMAN WHO'S GOING TO EXAMINE ME? - I'M GOING TO EXAMINE YOU.
- YOU? WHY? - WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK? - BECAUSE I THINK MAYBE YOU GET YOUR KICKS FROM SEEING A WOMAN MY AGE NAKED.
- MRS.
MORGENSTERN, I EXAMINE NAKED PEOPLE ALL DAY LONG.
I'VE BEEN DOING I FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
- OH, COME ON, DOCTOR.
YOU MEAN TO SAY IF YOU, UHDON'T SEE AN EXTRAORDINARY BODY YOU DON'T LET THAT STETHOSCOPE LINGER A LITTLE? OH, LISTEN, YOU'LL BE HERE WHEN I GET OUT? - YES, MA! [ALL TALKING AT ONCE.]
- WHERE WOULD WE GO? - HOLD THAT.
- MA, THE DOCTOR SAID HE'S GONNA CALL THIS AFTERNOON.
HE'S GONNA CALL.
AND LOOK.
DO NOT LET YOUR IMAGINATION RUN WILD WITH YOU.
I MEAN, EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OK.
YOU'LL SEE.
- HEY, MA, YOU NEVER TOLD US WHA THE DOCTOR SAID DURING THE EXAMINATION.
- OH, HE JUST KEPT SAYING ONE THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
- WHAT? - MRS.
MORGENSTERN, PLEASE GET YOUR HAND OFF MY WRIST.
- AND, UHHE DIDN' TELL YOU ANYTHING? - NO, NOTHING.
- YOU DIDN' ASK HIM ANYTHING? - YEAH, I ASK HIM ONE QUESTION.
I ASK HIM WHA HE THOUGHT OF MY FIGURE.
WELL, I MEAN, AFTER ALL, ONLY YOUR FATHER HAS SEEN, AND I WANTED TO FIND OUT IF HE'D BEEN LYING TO ME ALL THESE YEARS.
WANT TO KNOW WHA THE DOCTOR SAID? - YEAH, I WAN TO KNOW REAL BAD.
- HE SAID I HAD A DYNAMITE BODY.
'COURSE, A LOT OF GOOD THAT'S GOING TO DO ME NOW.
- OH, MA, COME ON.
YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? NOW, I'M TELLING YOU EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.
- YEAH.
HEY, MA, OLD AGE RUNS IN OUR FAMILY.
LOOK AT GRANDMOTHER MORGENSTERN, SHE'S 87.
- YEAH.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S YOUR FATHER'S MOTHER.
I HAVE GRANDMOTHER NESSEL.
REST HER SOUL.
BUT, YOU KNOW, GRANDMOTHER MORGENSTERN ONCE SAID SOMETHING VERY NICE ON THE SUBJECT OF OLD AGE.
- WHAT'D SHE SAY, MA? - SHE SAID, "I'M NOT AFRAID OF DEATH, BECAUSE MY LIFE IS NOT SUCH A BARGAIN.
" - COME ON, MA.
NOW, LISTEN, YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE.
- EH, THERE ARE THINGS WRONG WITH IT.
- LIKE WHAT? - WELL, LIKE, I'VE NEVER BEEN AS CLOSE TO YOU TWO AS I WOULD HAVE LIKED.
- THAT'S SILLY.
WE'RE CLOSE.
IN FACT, WE'RE VERY CLOSE.
- NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN AS CLOSE AS YOU TWO ARE CLOSE.
- OH, WELL, MA, I MEAN, THAT'S NATURAL.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, YOU ARE A MOTHER.
- WHY WOULD THA MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE JUST BECAUSE I'M YOUR MOTHER? I MEAN, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE LIKE A GIRLFRIEND TO YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS THE BEST TWO GIRLS I EVER KNEW.
- OH, THAT'S SWEET.
THAT'S CUTE.
- NO, I'M BEING VERY SERIOUS NOW.
I MEAN, YOU GIRLS NEVER TAKE ME ANYWHERE WITH YOU.
YOU NEVER SHARE THINGS WITH ME.
YOU NEVER LEND ME YOUR SWEATERS.
- OH, MA.
MA, YOU WOULD LOOK PRETTY SILLY WEARING ONE OF OUR SWEATERS, HUH? - WHY? ARE YOU AFRAID I'D STRETCH IT OUT OF SHAPE? - LISTEN, YOU.
- NOW LISTEN-- - NO, NOW, YOU LISTEN.
I'M ALWAYS THE OUTSIDER HERE.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE NOT.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- THAT IS TRUE.
I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S TRUE.
YOU CONFIDE IN EACH OTHER, AND YOU NEVER CONFIDE IN ME.
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE SECRET ABOUT YOUR LIFE.
COME ON, NOW.
JUST FOR ONCE, INCLUDE ME.
TELL ME A SECRE ABOUT YOUR LIFE.
- ONE.
- OK.
SURE THING.
- UH, I'D BE GLAD TO.
UM, I'M SORRY, MA, I DON' HAVE ANY SECRETS RIGHT NOW.
- NOT EVEN ONE? - NO.
- OH, NO.
PLEASE, NO.
- OH, COME ON, BRENDA.
YOU GOT A SECRET? - AH, MA.
MA, JUST MY LUCK I HAVE A SECRET.
I NEVER HAVE ANY SECRETS.
WHY TODAY DO I HAVE TO HAVE A SECRET? - BRENDA, WILL YOU TELL ME? - MA, I CAN'T TELL YOU THIS KIND OF A SECRET.
VINCE, YOU KNOW - I KNOW, YEAH, BUT, BRENDA, WAIT A SECOND.
I MEAN, MA'S TRYING TO BE FRIENDS HERE.
PALSIES AND EVERYTHING.
AND BESIDES, IT'S NOT ANYTHING SHE WOULDN'T HAVE GUESSED.
AND IF IT WILL MAKE HER FEEL BETTER - OH, NO.
- COME ON.
- MA, IT'S ABOUT, UHUH, MY SECRET, WHAT I HAVE, IS--IT'S, UHS--SEX.
SEX.
- BRENDA, ALL OF OUR SECRETS ARE ABOUT SEX.
- WELL, UHYOU SEE, THERE'S THIS GUY I'VE BEEN SEEING AND, UH, NOT TOO LONG, AND I'M VERY ATTRACTED TO HIM.
YOU KNOW HIM.
IT'S, UH, VINCE.
ANYWAY, UH, LATELY HE'S BEEN PRESSURING ME TO BE MORE INTIMATE.
- WELL, NOW I FEEL LIKE A GIRLFRIEND.
OF COURSE, THIS IS ALL A LITTLE NEW TO ME.
WHAT DID RHODA SAY WHEN YOU TOLD HER THE STORY? - OH, SHE SAID I SHOULDN'T DO IT.
- OH, GOOD GIRL.
BUT, UH, I HAVE TO DISAGREE.
- WHAT? - YOU SEE, THE TROUBLE WITH RHODA IS SHE DOESN' THINK MODERN.
BRENDA, WHEN YOU'RE IN MY POSITION, AND YOU'RE WAITING FOR THE PHONE TO RING WITH YOUR FUTURE, YOU BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND HOW UNIMPORTAN SOME OF THE OLD RULES ARE.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO SEIZE LIFE WITH BOTH HANDS.
HOLD ON AND TAKE THE WILDEST, CRAZIEST, LONGES RIDE YOU CAN.
DON'T DO IT THE WAY I DID IT, BRENDA.
ENJOY YOUR LIFE.
ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY.
- BOY, IS THIS WEIRD.
I MEAN, YOU'RE A FABULOUS FRIEND.
- BOY, MA, IF YOU HAD TOLD ME WHA YOU JUST TOLD BRENDA WHEN I WAS HAV-- - YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THINGS DIFFERENTLY, I SUPPOSE.
- NO, BUT I WOULD HAVE FEL SO DIFFERENTLY ABOU THE THINGS I'VE DONE.
[TELEPHONE RINGING.]
- HELLO? WELL, HELLO, DOCTOR.
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
SHE'S, UH--SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
YES.
- HEY, GIRLFRIENDS I'M SCARED.
HELLO, DOCTOR? YES.
YES? OH.
WELL, THANK--THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WHAT? OH, I NEVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE.
OH, OK.
YEAH.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
YES.
AND THANK YOU.
THANK YOU AGAIN, DOCTOR.
IT'S NOT MY HEART.
- OH.
- IT'S NOT MY--I MEAN, LISTEN, IT WASN'T PHYSICAL, IT WAS EMOTIONAL.
- OH, MA, WHAT'D I TELL YA, HUH? - OH, YEAH.
- OH, THAT'S GREAT.
- OH, MA.
- EVERYTHING'S OK.
- WONDERFUL.
- IT IS.
- IT'S TERRIFIC.
BUT WHAT DID HE SAY THAT WORRIED YOU? HE TOLD YOU SOMETHING AFTER HE TOLD YOU THE GOOD NEWS.
WHAT? - WELL, IN MY WHOLE EXAMINATION, THEY ONLY FOUND ONE THING.
- YEAH? - I SHRANK HALF AN INCH.
OH, WELL.
PETITE IS GOOD.
- THIS IS AN AWFUL DAY, YOU KNOW, BUT, IN A FUNNY WAY, IT KIND OF BROUGH US TOGETHER.
I MEAN, I'M GLAD, BECAUSE I THINK OUR RELATIONSHIP IS BETTER THAN IT'S EVER BEEN.
- OH.
- AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
- OH, IT MAKES ME HAPPY TOO, MA.
- OH, MA, IT'S WONDERFUL.
I MEAN, NOBODY HAS EVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT WITH THEIR MOTHER.
- WELL, NOW THAT EVERYTHING IS OK, I'LL GO SEE VINCE TONIGHT.
- BRENDA, BEFORE YOU GO I THINK WE OUGHT TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK.
A BIG, LITTLE TALK.
- OH, MA.