So Help Me Todd (2022) s01e21 Episode Script
Are You There Todd? It's Me, Margaret
1
Previously on So Help Me Todd
This is my life,
putting an ad in the
newspaper in Iceland
to tell my missing husband
that our marriage is over.
You kissed me.
And now, you're just,
like, no, it never happened.
Life's too short to not be friends.
I've got less than 100
hours left until I get
my P.I. license restored,
and then, who knows.
I'm mostly just trying
to escape from Mom.
Moving in with her a part
of this exit strategy?
And I'm Alex.
Vegas. What about tonight?
- Like elope?
- Mm-hmm.
A divorce? Are you sure?
Yes.
MALE ANNOUNCER: Well,
it's a beautiful day,
and here we are on
the streets of Portland
- for the 47th Annual Waterfront Parade.
- Hello!
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Absolutely right, Bob.
Look, there's the governor.
Oh, and there's Fang
from the Portland Widows.
Here comes the float from
McBarton's Beer Company.
It says here that the
driver of their float
is their employee of the month
Billy P.
MALE ANNOUNCER: Oh, wait
a minute now, it looks like
the parade float from
McBarton's Beer Company
is having a little bit of trouble.
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: It
seems to be malfunctioning.
Oh, my God, what's going on?
- MALE ANNOUNCER: That float is out of control. My God!
- (CROWD SCREAMING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(GROANS)
(GROANING)
(GROANS)
(SCREAMS)
Hi.
Oh, Allison. Another bath?
What does that make it?
Number seven this week?
Mm, yeah, I guess.
- (GROANS)
- Are you okay?
Oh, I
No. No.
I am not sick.
I cannot be sick.
You might have that nasty
24-hour virus that's going around.
You should just get back in bed.
I have a huge settlement hearing
at 10:00 a.m., and I have to be there.
You remember that
parade float that lost control
and crashed into the crowd?
Well, they hired me to represent
the injured spectators
in a class action suit
against the brewery,
and if I drop the ball on this,
Beverly will see it
as a sign of weakness.
Mom, just take the day off.
I've only been able to eke
out a very tiny settlement,
and I am not going to bungle it.
I have to be there.
Mom.
I'm a medical professional.
Go back to bed.
No, no, I'm fine.
I must attend the settlement.
Oh, God. I can't
attend (PANTING) the
settle ment.
(GRUNTS)
Well, hello.
Guess who was ten
minutes early this morning
and who is late.
Oh, Todd, you have to find Susan.
Tell her she has to go to
the McBarton Beer Company
arbitration conference and
get that settlement signed.
TODD: Mm-hmm.
Scrambling at the last minute
to complete our homework?
Did I mention I alphabetized
all the files in my nook
- this morning?
- Todd. Go find Susan now.
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
What's up?
Oh, super chill bloodbath in there, huh?
- Yeah. What do you need?
- Uh, my mom needs you
to go accept a settlement offer.
I can't go anywhere.
Right, totally.
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING CONTINUES)
Well, Susan's a no-go, Mom.
(SIGHS) Go try Beverly. Quick.
- (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
- Stop it! Watch it.
You're acting like big babies!
- Knock it off.
- You're the little man.
- I'm telling you!
- Beverly is occupied.
You'll just have to do it.
Me? Wait, what? What am I doing?
MARGARET: There's a
file on my desk marked
"Parade Victims v. Brewery."
If we don't settle before 10:00 a.m.,
the arbitrator decides
the amount, and my
clients go empty-handed.
Relax, I've got the file.
Now what do I do? Wait. Does it
smell like mint in your office?
Or like (SNIFFS) minty roses?
Todd, I am counting on you right now.
I need you, so please,
please stop goofing around and help me!
Okay, you know what?
Drop me a pin, and I'm there.
Get the pink page
marked "Settlement"
- and go.
- (CLOCK TICKING)
You've got 26 minutes.
MARGARET: Todd, you will be my proxy.
Find the plaintiff's representative,
Jane Tippet, you can't miss her.
Have Jane sign the settlement
with the arbitrator,
and accept the offer,
but you have to do it before 10:00 a.m.,
or the arbitrator
decides the final award,
- and he is not favorable to my side.
- Whoa!
MARGARET: Did you get all that?
You serious?!
(HORN HONKS)
Oh, God.
(PANTING)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(BUTTON CLICKING)
- (SIGHS)
- SECURITY GUARD: H-H-Hold.
Fourth floor. Back office. Michelle.
No, no, no, I'm not the pizza guy.
(SIGHS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
Six minutes till success.
Can't believe we're getting away
with this paltry settlement.
Especially since Margaret
Wright is their attorney.
I guess she's not so tough after all.
She's about two feet tall
out of those stilettos.
But she makes up for it
with those gigantic blouses.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Good thing she never heard
about "Crimson Monday."
(ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN)
(SIGHS)
Crimson Monday?
(GIGGLING)
(LINE RINGING)
- Pick up, pick up, pick up.
- (PHONE BUZZING)
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTS)
(ITALIAN ACCENT):
Yeah, I got pizza here.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Uh, fourth floor, Michelle.
(CLOCK TICKING)
ARBITRATOR: There now.
The arbitration has
officially commenced.
She's not here. Margaret
Wright abandoned her clients.
MCTABRIA: Then you have the authority
to choose the figure awarded.
No! We don't want you
making this decision.
MARGARET: Todd, accept the offer.
JANE: In the absence
of our representative,
I will speak for the
plaintiffs, and we will
accept the settlement amount offered.
(MURMURING) Got it.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm here, and I, um, I speak
for these people. I
represent the plaintiffs.
I'm from Crest Folding,
I am Margaret Wright's epoxy,
and-and we are rejecting
this settlement offer.
♪
And how are we today?
I don't really know.
Uh, I feel weirdly
untethered from my life.
Like the future
that I saw for myself
is gone.
So
what's now?
Anyway,
you're in town tonight?
Yes, I'm
here for dinner.
Where's Clem?
She's right there.
Where's Uncle Chuck?
That's a really good question.
I don't know.
He might be at home, at his home.
I don't actually live there anymore.
Um, how's your mom?
She's fine. It's viral.
I made her stay in
bed so we don't get it.
But isn't Todd in there with her?
Whatever.
So, everything is great.
Uh, it all went perfect,
but, uh, I did make one tiny change.
See, the clock was ticking,
and everybody was yelling,
and I guess I overheard I mean, I did
overhear these awful defense
lawyers, who looked like
America's Next Top Model:
Legal Edition contestants,
talking in the elevator
and congratulating themselves
on pulling one over on you.
And they were referencing
this secret something called
"Crimson Monday" because
they're hiding something,
or they are lying to you, but, anyway,
one thing led to a mother,
and I sort of stepped up,
in a good way, and acting as
your proxy it's not epoxy
I kind of took over the case,
and I, uh, rejected
the settlement offer.
So
no big deal, right?
Mom?
It's good. Baby, eat your pasta.
Oh. You feeling better, Mother?
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Mother?
(SIGHS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Did I do something
- Shh.
(SIGHS)
Did you today
ever say the words,
"I am a lawyer"?
No.
"Legal counsel"? "Attorney"?
No. No? No, no, no, no.
I-I-I just said that I,
uh, speak for these people,
and I said I represent them.
Mom?
Oh, my God! Whoa.
Oh, Todd.
You are brilliant.
What? Wait, you're not murdering me?
And waste genius like
this? Of course not.
Todd, I knew that they
were hiding something.
They were trying to force us
to accept their crappy settlement
- so we wouldn't find out. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS WEAKLY)
(SIGHS) This Red Sunday
- Crimson Monday.
- Mm.
We need to investigate,
and the little stunt you did today
- bought us the time we need.
- What?
"A Plaintiff Group
in a class action suit
may change their representative
once and only once, and if
a change is made,
the arbitration hearing must be delayed
for three business days."
- Wait, so I'm their attorney now?
- So to speak.
Oh, fantastic. I mean, I'm basically
a lawyer anyway at this point.
I mean, briefs, motions, overruled.
Oh, but, Todd, you have to be careful.
- Huh?
- You must never misrepresent
- yourself or deceive these people.
- Yeah. I know.
- It is illegal.
- Okay.
If the plaintiffs think
that you're a lawyer
(MUTTERS) we let them,
but you must never lie to them.
No lies, whatsoever,
- for three days.
- Oh, um
- No lies? But how?
- No.
What are you gonna be doing?
I am going to use these next three days
to get some answers.
And what am I gonna
do with the plaintiffs
while you figure out
this Crime-son Monday
uh, Crimson Sunday. (SIGHS)
Now you got me doing it.
Crimson Monday.
You are going to stall.
JANE: This is outrageous.
We have no idea who you are.
I am from Crest and Folding.
You're a lawyer.
Is that a statement or a question?
Ugh, classic lawyer response.
JANE: Well, what happened
to Margaret Wright?
And why on earth did you
reject our settlement?
I mean, look at us.
Our lives are falling apart.
Look at Elton. He's pitiful.
So, um (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
Margaret Wright is
indisposed,
and there has been a
significant development
in your case or our case,
and we just need some time to,
uh, look into it and, hopefully,
um, get more money.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Yes, and now I have to ask,
does anybody here know
what "Crimson Monday" is?
Yes. Elton?
I drank a ton of those at Mardi Gras.
Nope, that's not it.
Okay, well, moving on.
No, we're not moving on.
We have questions,
and we all have enormous
medical bills to pay.
Right.
JANE: My wrist was shattered.
It was shattered.
I'm still dizzy when I stand up.
I'm so sorry.
I hear beeping wherever I go.
- But you broke your leg.
- Yeah.
Okay, well, um, I feel like
now would be a great time
to bring in my "medical consultant."
Uh, yeah, so, um
the beeping,
you heard this before the parade?
I've always heard it.
Right, so I don't think you can
sue the brewery for that,
but the-the broken leg
Do you have any idea
what it's like to be dizzy
and disoriented at all times?
So funny you should ask that.
I know exactly how that feels.
Like, I didn't recently
get hit by a parade float,
but I feel like my life
has unraveled recently.
- Keep it parade related.
- Yeah, sure. Um
Okay, so, my medical advice,
as a doctor,
I am one, is that you should put
your trust in this man and just
let him have the time
that he needs
to do
whatever it is that he needs to do,
and, in the meantime,
if anyone wants to see a movie
Okay, thank you, thank you
very much, medical consultant,
thank you. Um, well,
it looks like the verdict excuse me,
the diagnosis is in.
So, you guys can all just sit tight
and wait to hear from me.
- Hey.
- Hey.
The brewery financials
came back pretty clean.
No shady offshore accounts,
clean record with the IRS.
Well, I found something.
(SNIFFS) Are you wearing cologne?
Oh
Didn't you have lunch with Alex?
Alex, a professional
forensic accountant, was kind enough
to deep dig up some dirt for me.
What dirt?
Someone smells marvelous.
Mm-hmm.
It would seem our homegrown
microbrewery, McBarton Beer Co.,
isn't so mom and pop anymore.
They were acquired,
just two weeks before the parade,
by a massive corporation,
E.L.B.I., "Endless Lake
Beverages International."
Code name for the acquisition,
which won't be made public
for two more weeks? "Crimson Monday."
Of course, it all makes sense now.
First, E.L.B.I. bought the brewery,
then the parade accident
happened, and now
E.L.B.I. is hiding behind the brewery.
Because once those plaintiffs
hear "bought by E.L.B.I.,"
they'll want a much bigger settlement
from E.L.B.I.'s much deeper pockets.
So, the brewery is a
subsidiary that is protecting
- the parent corporation?
- Mm-hmm.
Then how do we tie the two together
and get to E.L.B.I.'s money?
And how do we do it before the new
arbitration settlement
in, ugh, two days?
Okay, quick, Lyle, Susan,
somebody, just check
very quickly and see
if anyone has ever sued one
of E.L.B.I.'s subsidiaries
and forced them to open up
their fat corporate piggy bank.
- LYLE: Glad you're feeling better.
- MARGARET: Oh, thank you.
SUSAN: Looks like only
once, three years ago.
One attorney got a huge
settlement out of them.
Oh, great. Who is it?
We'll ask them for advice.
(SIGHS)
GUS: Here's that report verbatim.
"There are no birds living out here.
This is a swampy
hellhole full of snakes,
trash, and abandoned couches."
Corduroys.
I think not.
Uh
Okay, now, now, well,
just-just-just so we're clear here,
last time we saw each other,
you threw me out of a restaurant.
I did not throw you out.
You left after I made it clear
that you were no longer welcome.
Now, you want pointers
from me on how to beat E.L.B.I.
A professional favor,
which I'm more than happy to repay.
Later.
Fine,
but you owe me.
What do you want to know?
Uh, in order to "pierce the
corporate veil," as it were,
and to gain access to E.L.B.I.'s money,
we need to prove that
E.L.B.I. had direct control
over some aspect, I mean, any aspect,
of McBarton Beer
Company's daily operations.
Here's the thing about E.L.B.I.,
that place is a cesspool
of smug bastard executives
with God complexes that
can't keep their fingers
out of anything. If E.L.B.I.
is buying that brewery, I guarantee you
they've already stuck
their noses in there.
Those executives are never gonna talk,
- ever.
- (GASPS)
But the employees, they will.
Ever know an employee that
didn't complain about their job?
Never. (LAUGHS)
Thank you so much.
That is very helpful.
And I now owe you
one favor.
Whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What, that's it?
You pump me for information,
no apology?
Apology?
You want me to apologize to you?
- Uh
- You're interviewing for my job.
That wasn't your job.
It was nobody's job.
That is so like you.
- You know, if anyone owes anyone an apology
- If you want that job,
- then go out and take it.
- you owe me.
- Okay? Don't blame me.
- Oh, God, I knew
it was a mistake to come here.
Yes, it was a mistake. Yeah, goodbye.
Goodbye.
MARGARET: Todd, major intel.
I've discovered that the brewery
employees were trying to unionize,
but it looks like they were
opposed by that floor manager
I sent you to find.
- Have you located her yet?
- Yes.
Got eyes on her right now.
So, Theresa
Theresa Wallace. Question her
and find out what she
knows about E.L.B.I.
Okay, great, I got to go.
Okay,
today is all about fun and romance,
and your future, which starts now.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(SIGHS) Hi.
Hi. (CHUCKLES)
SHERRY: Okay, I hate these things.
I always get so nervous,
and men just lie about everything,
so don't lie to me.
Tell me about your last relationship.
Uh well, um
Me? Uh, Todd. So, yes, um, Amy
was a great girl,
Rose Festival Queen,
but she's at Cornell now.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
And then there was Lea Luna.
Lea Luna, the podcaster?
PDX Files.
Yeah, she's much too cool for you.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
- No.
- Yes.
This Veronica sounds terrible.
But it was all just a trap
to get my mom arrested.
And now, Susan's engaged
to this awesome guy, Peter,
and I guess that's that.
But you love her, right?
- Huh.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Hi.
Allison? Oh, my God,
- what are you doing here?
- Oh, my God, hi.
I'm here, I'm speed dating.
- Do I like woodworking?
- No, you don't.
Okay, 'cause I maybe just told a guy
that I would build a canoe with him.
I don't think that you
should be here right now.
- It's too soon?
- It is too soon.
- You are definitely not ready for this, Al.
- Mm-hmm, okay.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- And get away.
Bye-bye. Love you.
- THERESA: Mm.
- Hi.
Mm.
- How are you?
- Aren't you a nugget.
Aren't I.
- I'm Theresa.
- Hi, Theresa.
I'm Todd. So
uh, what do you know?
(STAMMERS) Or what do
you do, um, for a living?
- I'm a floor manager.
- Impressive.
- McBarton Beer Company.
- Heard of them.
You know, I just bought a sailboat.
50-footer.
- (EXHALES)
- And I'd bet
you'd look so good tanning on my deck
with me all over you like SPF.
Uh-huh.
I think I'm in love with you.
No you're not, no you're not.
Okay, but I am open to Cuba, for sure.
No one's open to Cuba here. No one.
- Okay. So
- Y'all know each other?
TODD: Uh, yes. No.
Well, um, she's my
sister. It's a long story.
- We're not dating.
- That's good to know.
Mm-hmm.
So, what do you do for a living?
- Well
- He's an investigator at Crest Folding.
- Are
- Okay, now I'll get out of it.
Back to you, Paul.
You work for the law firm
that's suing my brewery?
I shouldn't be talking to you.
- (SIGHS)
- I could've loved you.
And I'm calling my lawyer.
Y'all nasty.
Okay, just just (SIGHS)
She seemed nice. You
should go after her.
MARGARET: So, Todd, I've discovered
that the brewery union was being
organized by someone named Billy P.
- Is she ?
- I don't know. She's totally lost her mind.
But this fledgling union has
to be significant to the case,
- and this Billy P
- And Theresa.
How does she afford a brand-new
50-foot sailboat on her
floor manager's salary?
- I mean, that is definitely suspicious.
- It is.
- Margaret, Todd, Jane Tippet is here to see you.
- Oh, hello, Jane.
- What are you
- Did you think that we were fools?
- No, I
- He's not even a lawyer.
I never said I was a lawyer.
I never said I was a lawyer.
- I did not
- And then we hear that he's
throwing himself at that Theresa woman
- in public. Our opponent.
- What?
Begging her to love him.
No, I never said I did not
- I was gathering intel.
- You made fools of us.
And you asked us to trust you.
And now, the brewery thinks
that we are desperate,
and they have cut that
ridiculous settlement offer
in half. In half!
- Yeah.
- Okay, we can fix this, Jane.
It is too late.
The final settlement is tonight.
And I am gonna speak for the group,
- No, Jane
- and you are both fired.
- Fired?
- No, wait.
Good day.
(STAMMERS)
Mom, we can't just give up on this.
The new settlement
hearing isn't until 8:00.
- Maybe we could find
- Todd, the plaintiffs
have moved on, and so must we.
We can't jeopardize what little
settlement they have left.
I'll just, I'll go tell
Beverly what happened.
Oh, great, that's the
last straw for me, then.
I am definitely gonna get fired.
I mean, I have pushed it
too far one too many times.
I'm gone. Kersplitzo.
Oh, you're not kersplitzo.
Yes, I am. Wood-fired pizza.
Canned Film Festival.
PD Axed.
Todd, I will take care of it, if I can.
I just have to think
of something to say.
Earth, Wind & Fired.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Hey, Allison? What's going on?
- Hey, I'm just
- SUSAN: Uh, Margaret.
Could you take a seat, please?
(EXHALES) Okay.
It's actually good timing
to have you both here.
Because I have something
for each of you.
It's official.
You are both hereby divorced.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Oh, Allison.
Allison, honey, I-I know this isn't how
either of us wanted things to turn out,
- but we are
- Mom.
You're gonna be okay.
And so am I.
But right now, I think
I want to be alone
so I can figure some things out
- by myself.
- Okay.
Okay.
(STAMMERS) Yep.
I love you.
Thanks.
Congratulations?
Oh, my God, what a day, what a day.
(PHONE CHIMES)
(SIGHS)
Uh
Thank you, Susan.
(SIGHS)
- FRANCEY: Hey.
- Hey.
How'd that go?
Let's just say it wasn't
a banner day for love.
Francey, am I an idiot?
Is marriage ridiculous?
I mean, if the two of
them can't make it work,
- then what am I doing getting marr
- Suze, stop.
Don't compare yourself to anybody.
Not them, not anyone.
This is your life. What do you want?
- (LAUGHS): I don't
- Do you love Peter?
Yes.
Do you want to spend the
rest of your life with him?
(EXHALES)
Yes.
Then that's all that matters.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Silly girl. (CHUCKLES)
LYLE: Todd, I got info
on the McBarton Beer Co.
from the National Labor Relations Board.
The workers did file
paperwork to organize a union.
Oh, I guess no one told you
we were let go from that case.
Yeah, the final settlement's at 8:00,
and, uh we're out.
(SCOFFS) Don't bother telling Lyle
so he can work all night with no sleep.
Would it make you feel any better
to know that I'm likely gonna be fired?
For impersonating a lawyer
and losing a client and
opening a credit card
- in your name.
- Wha
Well, that part's a joke, but
I'm probably gonna get fired.
Oh.
Well, that is unfortunate.
Unfortunate indeed.
The brewery workers, they
filed to start a union, right?
Yes. The papers were
filed by one of them.
A William Phillips.
Oh, okay. Thanks.
Yeah.
William Phillips?
With a P?
And William, which could be Billy,
and P for Phillips?
So, possibly, Billy P.?
Possibly.
What was the name of the guy
who drove the parade float?
"Billy P."
So, uh, William Phillips,
aka Billy P., the union organizer,
was driving the parade float
When he was overcome by carbon
monoxide and nearly died.
- Is it possible
- Someone was trying to
Kill the union organizer?
MARGARET: (SIGHS)
Double martini, please.
Wow. Bad day?
Ah, ha, ha. Yes.
- Me, too.
- (SIGHS): Well
Oh! Oh! Oh, no.
My phone. Super.
- Just super.
- Can I get another pitcher
of Portland Union Brew back here?
This one's got a phone in it.
Make it a triple martini.
Hello? Anybody?
It is dead. It's dead.
So, how'd it go with
E.L.B.I. and piercing
- ye olde corporate veil?
- We failed. I failed.
The plaintiffs fired us,
and they're about to get steamrolled
over the final arbitration tonight.
And I might have gotten
my son Todd fired,
and my divorce
and my daughter's divorce, Allison
came through on the same day,
which was just so sad.
Are you even listening to me, Gus?
Yes.
You are not. You are playing with darts.
I'm not playing with
darts, I am playing darts.
Here. Give me one of those.
Sometimes, we say ♪
Eh, that's not bad. You got to
try and lift your arm
up a little bit there.
Do not give me dart tips, please.
Dart tips are the pointy end, you know?
When you realize ♪
I'm really sorry what
happened with the E.L.B.I.
Although, I'm not
surprised you lost to them.
Oh! Really?
You're not surprised?
Oh, I see, I see, I see.
So the great Gus Easton
- can beat E.L.B.I
- Oh, come on.
but poor, little, tiny Margaret can't?
Oh, come on, I didn't say that. Would
Will you please stop trying
to pick a fight with me?
- No, I am not trying to pick a fight with you.
- Yes
You just now were trying
to pick a fight with me,
by saying, you know, "I'm
not surprised about that."
That is horrible. I mean, anyway,
- why should I stop
- Because I like you, okay?
And I'm doing my darnedest
to try and date you,
if you'd just be quiet long enough
for me to ply you with my charms.
Oh, and does plying me with your charms
include walking out on
our first dinner date?
You said it was officially over.
And by the way, I paid for
the check on the way out.
- I would like you to know that.
- And probably expensed it.
Oh, I have never, ever,
in court or on the street,
met a woman as frustrating as you.
♪
Where to? ♪
Gus.
When you were suing E.L.B.I.,
is it possible
any of their subsidiaries had unions?
Oh, hell no. They'd never allow that.
No, they're like rabid wolves
when it comes to organized labor.
That's it. The union.
They were trying to stop the union.
Oh, Gus, do you think that it's possible
that E.L.B.I. would
go so far as to demand
that any of their future
subsidiaries would squash
- any union labor activity
- Ow, that-that's sharp.
before they would acquire them?
- That's really sharp.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
(PHONE RINGING)
Wait, that's-that's my phone.
- TODD: Mom.
- Todd.
- That parade accident was no accident.
- Union busters, E.L.B.I.
The float driver was the union leader.
So, they must have stipulated that.
- Yes.
- So it was attempted murder?
- Yes.
- By Theresa?
- Yes.
- Todd, how did you know
to call me on Gus's phone?
I tracked your location. Lucky guess.
Well, uh, we have to
get to that arbitration.
I mean, you-you do,
you do, because you
you are their representative.
Oh, my God! We've only got 45 minutes.
- Okay, Todd, before you go,
- Yeah.
- you need to make sure that
- TODD: I'm gonna
Todd? Todd?
Gus, you don't charge your
phone before you leave your boat?
You threw your phone in my beer.
Gus, come on. We've got to run.
Gus, I didn't get a chance to tell Todd
all the things he's gonna
need to know to prepare.
First, he's gonna have to request
that Theresa attend the meeting.
Then he's gonna have to question her.
If he's learned anything
from working for me
this entire year, he'll
already know all those things.
Todd is representing the plaintiffs?
Yes, and he has to get them,
and Jane, back on board.
Oh, maybe if he tells
them it was murder.
Are you sure your son is gonna
be able to pull any of this off?
- What are you saying about my son? How dare you!
- No, I
Todd is very competent
and he's very smart
and he's very capable,
and he can convince
- almost anyone of anything.
- Oh Oh!
- At least I hope he can. What is going on with you?
- Ow! Ow
- I pulled a hamstring.
- Oh, my God.
- Are you okay?
- Oh, God. No, it's okay.
- No, it's okay. Go.
- Are you good? Okay, good.
- Leave me behind. Go.
- I will.
Go! Save those plaintiffs.
- I'll call you later!
- Go!
(GRUNTS)
Todd, can you pull this off?
And can I trust you?
Oh, Todd!
(SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
(HORN HONKS)
Okay. Gotta go.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(PANTING)
Oh, I'm sorry Ma'am?
The-the settlement arbitration
is in session already.
Y-You can't go in.
But I'm Margaret
Wright. I'm the attorney.
Oh, but I guess I'm not
anymore. Okay, a-all right.
It's only representatives and clients.
But, uh, my son.
Is my son here? Oh, where is he?
Todd?
W-wait, did you say Todd?
- Yes.
- Todd Wright?
Yes. Uh
Hang on a moment.
Are you "Mom"?
Ah! Yes.
- He left this for you.
- Thank you.
(PANTING) Oh
Oh
Todd.
Todd? Todd?
Are you there, Todd?
It's me, your mother.
Yes.
You had better be right about this.
Please trust me. I'm not lying.
All right, sorry for all
these last-minute changes
rushed through by the
plaintiffs' representative.
But we were able to get
Ms. Theresa Wallace here
and you requested to
ask her a few questions
before accepting the
lower settlement offer?
Yes. Ms. Wallace.
You are the floor manager
at the McBarton Beer
Company Brewery, correct?
Yes, but why am I here?
Y'all just can't rope
me into this last minute.
And he tried to seduce me.
KRISTEE: Mr. Arbitrator,
this is ridiculous.
This isn't a trial.
Just a few questions, you
said, Mr. Representative?
- MARGARET: Okay. Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
Now say "Mr. Arbitrator,
sir, if you'll just "
Mr. Arbitrator, sir, if you'll allow me
just a little runway, I
will establish relevance.
Go ahead, then.
Thank you.
Okay, Todd, we've got this.
You remember playing
tug-of-war in grade school?
Mm-hmm.
Well, this is just like that.
Yeah, you give a little
slack, and you pull a little.
First we want Theresa off balance.
So we got to build her up.
Stroke her ego.
"Oh, you are so important "
Mm-hmm. So, Theresa.
Hello again.
Floor manager sounds
like a pretty big job.
It is. I supervise 53 employees.
Give a little more slack.
Let her think she's winning.
Wow. Fifty-three.
Sounds like your bosses
have a lot of faith in you.
They have said they'd
be lost without me.
Now pull. The union was a threat.
If your workers were
successful in forming a union,
all of that power
and responsibility you had
would be threatened,
- wouldn't it?
- No. That's not true.
No? Oh, that's-that's
funny, because all 53
of your supervisees signed
a petition to form a union.
And I'm guessing, if
we asked any of them,
they'd say they're
not so crazy about you.
That's 'cause they
don't like working hard.
Bring up Billy P.
If William Phillips,
the union organizer,
had a little accident,
maybe
all of this would go away.
T-this is crazy.
Now yank. Lay out the crime.
You fiddled with the exhaust
on the parade float that you built
because you wanted Billy P. dead.
No. That's not true.
Don't let up. Make the crime
bigger so she has to explain.
You don't care if you
hurt 40 other people
so long as you got what you wanted.
What's a little broken leg here,
a broken wrist there?
40 people stuck with medical bills
and losing their jobs
because they're in
too much pain to work.
But what's it matter to you?
They weren't supposed to be hurt!
(ALL GASPING)
Ah. We've got her.
That wasn't supposed to happen.
The driver wasn't supposed
to get that far, and I just
It was E.L.B.I.
They told me to squelch the union,
- and I just
- You just accepted money
from E.L.B.I. so you could buy
your beloved 50-foot sailboat.
And you decided
to attempt murder.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
ARBITRATOR: We need to, um,
end this session.
And I need to contact the D.A.
This settlement
will need to be renegotiated.
- (GAVEL BANGS)
- (CHEERING)
Isn't it funny ♪
(WHOOPING)
(APPLAUSE)
(WHOOPING)
Never gonna ♪
(SIGHS)
Imagine, harder when it's ♪
- That was amazing.
- Amazing. I know.
You were perfect in my ear and
it was like we were, like
- Totally in sync.
- Yes! Yes. (LAUGHS)
Todd. Oh, that was incredible.
They are going to add a lot more zeroes
to that settlement number now.
Oh! Okay, I'll go get my keys,
and then I will drive you home.
(LAUGHS)
Tell me that love isn't ♪
TODD: Francey.
What are you doing here
so late? What's going on?
Oh, my God, I came back for my coat
and I found this in the mail.
I must've missed it before.
Todd, you did it.
You got your license.
- I did it?
- You did it.
- I'm back.
- Yes.
- I'm back.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
Oh, my God. Oh
Wait, uh, i-is Susan here, too?
No, she went to Vegas.
With Peter.
To do what?
To get married? Wait, seriously? Uh
- W-What time is her flight?
- Todd.
Please don't screw this up for her.
Screw this up for her? I'm not
gonna screw this up for her.
What do you mean?
She's been building a life
with Peter for a long time now.
I don't want you running
off to the airport to
Running off to the airport?
- Francey, I'm not gonna run off
- Just
leave her alone.
Okay.
But you did it.
- You did it.
- I did it.
- Yes!
- (BOTH LAUGH)
Oh
Okay
BEVERLY: I understand we have
a new lawyer here at the firm?
(LAUGHS): Oh, Beverly.
- You scared me.
- Todd Wright, Esquire,
represented the parade plaintiffs
at the arbitration hearing this evening?
- I can explain.
- You have put
the firm's reputation on the line again.
Your actions are unprofessional,
unethical and, frankly, ridiculous.
Beverly.
Todd and I followed
the letter of the law
to the letter of the law.
And, frankly, I am tired of
being raked over the coals by you.
Excuse me?
No, excuse me!
I have bent over
backwards for my clients,
for you, for Song, for
this firm, for years.
Dancing like a puppet on a string
while you dangle a named
partnership over my head?
And I'm sick of it!
I deserve to have my
name above that door,
and if you can't see that,
then you don't deserve me.
And I am more than happy
to walk out of here,
and start my own firm and
spend the rest of my days
kicking your legal butt
up and down Burnside.
BEVERLY: I've been waiting
for this moment for a very,
very long time.
You, pushing back.
Fighting for what's yours.
Like a named partner should.
See you first thing Monday morning
at Crest, Folding & Wright.
(SOFTLY): Okay.
- I can't believe you got
- I can't believe you got
- named partner.
- your license back.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
You really deserve this, Mom.
Aww, Todd. (LAUGHS)
- You, too.
- Yeah.
Oh, you know, it's gonna
be a lot harder around here,
when you're gone.
Not nearly as much fun.
You know, I'm not
gonna leave right away.
I'm gonna look into going freelance,
open up my own firm again.
You know, maybe take on some
big corporate client first,
just to pay the bills. I
mean, I'm not gonna leave
a steady paycheck and
go right back to nothing
and no health insurance.
- Todd?
- Hmm?
As your mother, you have no idea
how happy those words make me.
"Health insurance"?
- (ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Todd. Okay, let's go home.
Okay. Oh, uh, actually,
I'm not gonna go home just yet.
I'm gonna go check up on a few things
and maybe get a bite to eat,
but I will see you later?
Well, okay, then.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
Good night. I love you, sweetheart.
(WHISPERS): I love you, too, Mom.
I'm proud of you, Todd.
♪
(EXHALES)
So, what are we doing?
I don't know. I, uh, I was walking home,
and I saw that you were open and I
- I just got a divorce.
- Mm.
Then I'm not legally
allowed to give you bangs.
Right, yeah. That makes sense.
I just, I just need a
change. Like, something big.
You should go on, like,
a retreat or something.
Like meditation? Or yoga?
I did this personal exploration weekend.
You get dropped down in the mountains
with, like, an apple and a knife,
and you have to just,
like, live for two weeks.
It was amazing.
- In the mountains?
- The point is,
you strip everything away
and just figure out, you know,
who you really are.
North Star ♪
- (ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Are you sure your leg's okay? (LAUGHS)
And you made it home all right?
Okay, good. No, Gus, I just got home.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go take a shower
and then I'm going to
change my clothes and
then I'm gonna meet
you over at your place.
I-If that's okay.
Yes, unfinished business. Uh-huh.
All right, I'll see you soon.
(SIGHS)
(LOCK CLICKING)
(GASPS)
Harry?
Iceland was horrible.
(CRYING)
Previously on So Help Me Todd
This is my life,
putting an ad in the
newspaper in Iceland
to tell my missing husband
that our marriage is over.
You kissed me.
And now, you're just,
like, no, it never happened.
Life's too short to not be friends.
I've got less than 100
hours left until I get
my P.I. license restored,
and then, who knows.
I'm mostly just trying
to escape from Mom.
Moving in with her a part
of this exit strategy?
And I'm Alex.
Vegas. What about tonight?
- Like elope?
- Mm-hmm.
A divorce? Are you sure?
Yes.
MALE ANNOUNCER: Well,
it's a beautiful day,
and here we are on
the streets of Portland
- for the 47th Annual Waterfront Parade.
- Hello!
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Absolutely right, Bob.
Look, there's the governor.
Oh, and there's Fang
from the Portland Widows.
Here comes the float from
McBarton's Beer Company.
It says here that the
driver of their float
is their employee of the month
Billy P.
MALE ANNOUNCER: Oh, wait
a minute now, it looks like
the parade float from
McBarton's Beer Company
is having a little bit of trouble.
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: It
seems to be malfunctioning.
Oh, my God, what's going on?
- MALE ANNOUNCER: That float is out of control. My God!
- (CROWD SCREAMING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(GROANS)
(GROANING)
(GROANS)
(SCREAMS)
Hi.
Oh, Allison. Another bath?
What does that make it?
Number seven this week?
Mm, yeah, I guess.
- (GROANS)
- Are you okay?
Oh, I
No. No.
I am not sick.
I cannot be sick.
You might have that nasty
24-hour virus that's going around.
You should just get back in bed.
I have a huge settlement hearing
at 10:00 a.m., and I have to be there.
You remember that
parade float that lost control
and crashed into the crowd?
Well, they hired me to represent
the injured spectators
in a class action suit
against the brewery,
and if I drop the ball on this,
Beverly will see it
as a sign of weakness.
Mom, just take the day off.
I've only been able to eke
out a very tiny settlement,
and I am not going to bungle it.
I have to be there.
Mom.
I'm a medical professional.
Go back to bed.
No, no, I'm fine.
I must attend the settlement.
Oh, God. I can't
attend (PANTING) the
settle ment.
(GRUNTS)
Well, hello.
Guess who was ten
minutes early this morning
and who is late.
Oh, Todd, you have to find Susan.
Tell her she has to go to
the McBarton Beer Company
arbitration conference and
get that settlement signed.
TODD: Mm-hmm.
Scrambling at the last minute
to complete our homework?
Did I mention I alphabetized
all the files in my nook
- this morning?
- Todd. Go find Susan now.
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
What's up?
Oh, super chill bloodbath in there, huh?
- Yeah. What do you need?
- Uh, my mom needs you
to go accept a settlement offer.
I can't go anywhere.
Right, totally.
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING CONTINUES)
Well, Susan's a no-go, Mom.
(SIGHS) Go try Beverly. Quick.
- (OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)
- Stop it! Watch it.
You're acting like big babies!
- Knock it off.
- You're the little man.
- I'm telling you!
- Beverly is occupied.
You'll just have to do it.
Me? Wait, what? What am I doing?
MARGARET: There's a
file on my desk marked
"Parade Victims v. Brewery."
If we don't settle before 10:00 a.m.,
the arbitrator decides
the amount, and my
clients go empty-handed.
Relax, I've got the file.
Now what do I do? Wait. Does it
smell like mint in your office?
Or like (SNIFFS) minty roses?
Todd, I am counting on you right now.
I need you, so please,
please stop goofing around and help me!
Okay, you know what?
Drop me a pin, and I'm there.
Get the pink page
marked "Settlement"
- and go.
- (CLOCK TICKING)
You've got 26 minutes.
MARGARET: Todd, you will be my proxy.
Find the plaintiff's representative,
Jane Tippet, you can't miss her.
Have Jane sign the settlement
with the arbitrator,
and accept the offer,
but you have to do it before 10:00 a.m.,
or the arbitrator
decides the final award,
- and he is not favorable to my side.
- Whoa!
MARGARET: Did you get all that?
You serious?!
(HORN HONKS)
Oh, God.
(PANTING)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(BUTTON CLICKING)
- (SIGHS)
- SECURITY GUARD: H-H-Hold.
Fourth floor. Back office. Michelle.
No, no, no, I'm not the pizza guy.
(SIGHS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
Six minutes till success.
Can't believe we're getting away
with this paltry settlement.
Especially since Margaret
Wright is their attorney.
I guess she's not so tough after all.
She's about two feet tall
out of those stilettos.
But she makes up for it
with those gigantic blouses.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Good thing she never heard
about "Crimson Monday."
(ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN)
(SIGHS)
Crimson Monday?
(GIGGLING)
(LINE RINGING)
- Pick up, pick up, pick up.
- (PHONE BUZZING)
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTS)
(ITALIAN ACCENT):
Yeah, I got pizza here.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Uh, fourth floor, Michelle.
(CLOCK TICKING)
ARBITRATOR: There now.
The arbitration has
officially commenced.
She's not here. Margaret
Wright abandoned her clients.
MCTABRIA: Then you have the authority
to choose the figure awarded.
No! We don't want you
making this decision.
MARGARET: Todd, accept the offer.
JANE: In the absence
of our representative,
I will speak for the
plaintiffs, and we will
accept the settlement amount offered.
(MURMURING) Got it.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm here, and I, um, I speak
for these people. I
represent the plaintiffs.
I'm from Crest Folding,
I am Margaret Wright's epoxy,
and-and we are rejecting
this settlement offer.
♪
And how are we today?
I don't really know.
Uh, I feel weirdly
untethered from my life.
Like the future
that I saw for myself
is gone.
So
what's now?
Anyway,
you're in town tonight?
Yes, I'm
here for dinner.
Where's Clem?
She's right there.
Where's Uncle Chuck?
That's a really good question.
I don't know.
He might be at home, at his home.
I don't actually live there anymore.
Um, how's your mom?
She's fine. It's viral.
I made her stay in
bed so we don't get it.
But isn't Todd in there with her?
Whatever.
So, everything is great.
Uh, it all went perfect,
but, uh, I did make one tiny change.
See, the clock was ticking,
and everybody was yelling,
and I guess I overheard I mean, I did
overhear these awful defense
lawyers, who looked like
America's Next Top Model:
Legal Edition contestants,
talking in the elevator
and congratulating themselves
on pulling one over on you.
And they were referencing
this secret something called
"Crimson Monday" because
they're hiding something,
or they are lying to you, but, anyway,
one thing led to a mother,
and I sort of stepped up,
in a good way, and acting as
your proxy it's not epoxy
I kind of took over the case,
and I, uh, rejected
the settlement offer.
So
no big deal, right?
Mom?
It's good. Baby, eat your pasta.
Oh. You feeling better, Mother?
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Mother?
(SIGHS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Did I do something
- Shh.
(SIGHS)
Did you today
ever say the words,
"I am a lawyer"?
No.
"Legal counsel"? "Attorney"?
No. No? No, no, no, no.
I-I-I just said that I,
uh, speak for these people,
and I said I represent them.
Mom?
Oh, my God! Whoa.
Oh, Todd.
You are brilliant.
What? Wait, you're not murdering me?
And waste genius like
this? Of course not.
Todd, I knew that they
were hiding something.
They were trying to force us
to accept their crappy settlement
- so we wouldn't find out. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS WEAKLY)
(SIGHS) This Red Sunday
- Crimson Monday.
- Mm.
We need to investigate,
and the little stunt you did today
- bought us the time we need.
- What?
"A Plaintiff Group
in a class action suit
may change their representative
once and only once, and if
a change is made,
the arbitration hearing must be delayed
for three business days."
- Wait, so I'm their attorney now?
- So to speak.
Oh, fantastic. I mean, I'm basically
a lawyer anyway at this point.
I mean, briefs, motions, overruled.
Oh, but, Todd, you have to be careful.
- Huh?
- You must never misrepresent
- yourself or deceive these people.
- Yeah. I know.
- It is illegal.
- Okay.
If the plaintiffs think
that you're a lawyer
(MUTTERS) we let them,
but you must never lie to them.
No lies, whatsoever,
- for three days.
- Oh, um
- No lies? But how?
- No.
What are you gonna be doing?
I am going to use these next three days
to get some answers.
And what am I gonna
do with the plaintiffs
while you figure out
this Crime-son Monday
uh, Crimson Sunday. (SIGHS)
Now you got me doing it.
Crimson Monday.
You are going to stall.
JANE: This is outrageous.
We have no idea who you are.
I am from Crest and Folding.
You're a lawyer.
Is that a statement or a question?
Ugh, classic lawyer response.
JANE: Well, what happened
to Margaret Wright?
And why on earth did you
reject our settlement?
I mean, look at us.
Our lives are falling apart.
Look at Elton. He's pitiful.
So, um (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)
Margaret Wright is
indisposed,
and there has been a
significant development
in your case or our case,
and we just need some time to,
uh, look into it and, hopefully,
um, get more money.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Yes, and now I have to ask,
does anybody here know
what "Crimson Monday" is?
Yes. Elton?
I drank a ton of those at Mardi Gras.
Nope, that's not it.
Okay, well, moving on.
No, we're not moving on.
We have questions,
and we all have enormous
medical bills to pay.
Right.
JANE: My wrist was shattered.
It was shattered.
I'm still dizzy when I stand up.
I'm so sorry.
I hear beeping wherever I go.
- But you broke your leg.
- Yeah.
Okay, well, um, I feel like
now would be a great time
to bring in my "medical consultant."
Uh, yeah, so, um
the beeping,
you heard this before the parade?
I've always heard it.
Right, so I don't think you can
sue the brewery for that,
but the-the broken leg
Do you have any idea
what it's like to be dizzy
and disoriented at all times?
So funny you should ask that.
I know exactly how that feels.
Like, I didn't recently
get hit by a parade float,
but I feel like my life
has unraveled recently.
- Keep it parade related.
- Yeah, sure. Um
Okay, so, my medical advice,
as a doctor,
I am one, is that you should put
your trust in this man and just
let him have the time
that he needs
to do
whatever it is that he needs to do,
and, in the meantime,
if anyone wants to see a movie
Okay, thank you, thank you
very much, medical consultant,
thank you. Um, well,
it looks like the verdict excuse me,
the diagnosis is in.
So, you guys can all just sit tight
and wait to hear from me.
- Hey.
- Hey.
The brewery financials
came back pretty clean.
No shady offshore accounts,
clean record with the IRS.
Well, I found something.
(SNIFFS) Are you wearing cologne?
Oh
Didn't you have lunch with Alex?
Alex, a professional
forensic accountant, was kind enough
to deep dig up some dirt for me.
What dirt?
Someone smells marvelous.
Mm-hmm.
It would seem our homegrown
microbrewery, McBarton Beer Co.,
isn't so mom and pop anymore.
They were acquired,
just two weeks before the parade,
by a massive corporation,
E.L.B.I., "Endless Lake
Beverages International."
Code name for the acquisition,
which won't be made public
for two more weeks? "Crimson Monday."
Of course, it all makes sense now.
First, E.L.B.I. bought the brewery,
then the parade accident
happened, and now
E.L.B.I. is hiding behind the brewery.
Because once those plaintiffs
hear "bought by E.L.B.I.,"
they'll want a much bigger settlement
from E.L.B.I.'s much deeper pockets.
So, the brewery is a
subsidiary that is protecting
- the parent corporation?
- Mm-hmm.
Then how do we tie the two together
and get to E.L.B.I.'s money?
And how do we do it before the new
arbitration settlement
in, ugh, two days?
Okay, quick, Lyle, Susan,
somebody, just check
very quickly and see
if anyone has ever sued one
of E.L.B.I.'s subsidiaries
and forced them to open up
their fat corporate piggy bank.
- LYLE: Glad you're feeling better.
- MARGARET: Oh, thank you.
SUSAN: Looks like only
once, three years ago.
One attorney got a huge
settlement out of them.
Oh, great. Who is it?
We'll ask them for advice.
(SIGHS)
GUS: Here's that report verbatim.
"There are no birds living out here.
This is a swampy
hellhole full of snakes,
trash, and abandoned couches."
Corduroys.
I think not.
Uh
Okay, now, now, well,
just-just-just so we're clear here,
last time we saw each other,
you threw me out of a restaurant.
I did not throw you out.
You left after I made it clear
that you were no longer welcome.
Now, you want pointers
from me on how to beat E.L.B.I.
A professional favor,
which I'm more than happy to repay.
Later.
Fine,
but you owe me.
What do you want to know?
Uh, in order to "pierce the
corporate veil," as it were,
and to gain access to E.L.B.I.'s money,
we need to prove that
E.L.B.I. had direct control
over some aspect, I mean, any aspect,
of McBarton Beer
Company's daily operations.
Here's the thing about E.L.B.I.,
that place is a cesspool
of smug bastard executives
with God complexes that
can't keep their fingers
out of anything. If E.L.B.I.
is buying that brewery, I guarantee you
they've already stuck
their noses in there.
Those executives are never gonna talk,
- ever.
- (GASPS)
But the employees, they will.
Ever know an employee that
didn't complain about their job?
Never. (LAUGHS)
Thank you so much.
That is very helpful.
And I now owe you
one favor.
Whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What, that's it?
You pump me for information,
no apology?
Apology?
You want me to apologize to you?
- Uh
- You're interviewing for my job.
That wasn't your job.
It was nobody's job.
That is so like you.
- You know, if anyone owes anyone an apology
- If you want that job,
- then go out and take it.
- you owe me.
- Okay? Don't blame me.
- Oh, God, I knew
it was a mistake to come here.
Yes, it was a mistake. Yeah, goodbye.
Goodbye.
MARGARET: Todd, major intel.
I've discovered that the brewery
employees were trying to unionize,
but it looks like they were
opposed by that floor manager
I sent you to find.
- Have you located her yet?
- Yes.
Got eyes on her right now.
So, Theresa
Theresa Wallace. Question her
and find out what she
knows about E.L.B.I.
Okay, great, I got to go.
Okay,
today is all about fun and romance,
and your future, which starts now.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(SIGHS) Hi.
Hi. (CHUCKLES)
SHERRY: Okay, I hate these things.
I always get so nervous,
and men just lie about everything,
so don't lie to me.
Tell me about your last relationship.
Uh well, um
Me? Uh, Todd. So, yes, um, Amy
was a great girl,
Rose Festival Queen,
but she's at Cornell now.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
And then there was Lea Luna.
Lea Luna, the podcaster?
PDX Files.
Yeah, she's much too cool for you.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
- No.
- Yes.
This Veronica sounds terrible.
But it was all just a trap
to get my mom arrested.
And now, Susan's engaged
to this awesome guy, Peter,
and I guess that's that.
But you love her, right?
- Huh.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Hi.
Allison? Oh, my God,
- what are you doing here?
- Oh, my God, hi.
I'm here, I'm speed dating.
- Do I like woodworking?
- No, you don't.
Okay, 'cause I maybe just told a guy
that I would build a canoe with him.
I don't think that you
should be here right now.
- It's too soon?
- It is too soon.
- You are definitely not ready for this, Al.
- Mm-hmm, okay.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- And get away.
Bye-bye. Love you.
- THERESA: Mm.
- Hi.
Mm.
- How are you?
- Aren't you a nugget.
Aren't I.
- I'm Theresa.
- Hi, Theresa.
I'm Todd. So
uh, what do you know?
(STAMMERS) Or what do
you do, um, for a living?
- I'm a floor manager.
- Impressive.
- McBarton Beer Company.
- Heard of them.
You know, I just bought a sailboat.
50-footer.
- (EXHALES)
- And I'd bet
you'd look so good tanning on my deck
with me all over you like SPF.
Uh-huh.
I think I'm in love with you.
No you're not, no you're not.
Okay, but I am open to Cuba, for sure.
No one's open to Cuba here. No one.
- Okay. So
- Y'all know each other?
TODD: Uh, yes. No.
Well, um, she's my
sister. It's a long story.
- We're not dating.
- That's good to know.
Mm-hmm.
So, what do you do for a living?
- Well
- He's an investigator at Crest Folding.
- Are
- Okay, now I'll get out of it.
Back to you, Paul.
You work for the law firm
that's suing my brewery?
I shouldn't be talking to you.
- (SIGHS)
- I could've loved you.
And I'm calling my lawyer.
Y'all nasty.
Okay, just just (SIGHS)
She seemed nice. You
should go after her.
MARGARET: So, Todd, I've discovered
that the brewery union was being
organized by someone named Billy P.
- Is she ?
- I don't know. She's totally lost her mind.
But this fledgling union has
to be significant to the case,
- and this Billy P
- And Theresa.
How does she afford a brand-new
50-foot sailboat on her
floor manager's salary?
- I mean, that is definitely suspicious.
- It is.
- Margaret, Todd, Jane Tippet is here to see you.
- Oh, hello, Jane.
- What are you
- Did you think that we were fools?
- No, I
- He's not even a lawyer.
I never said I was a lawyer.
I never said I was a lawyer.
- I did not
- And then we hear that he's
throwing himself at that Theresa woman
- in public. Our opponent.
- What?
Begging her to love him.
No, I never said I did not
- I was gathering intel.
- You made fools of us.
And you asked us to trust you.
And now, the brewery thinks
that we are desperate,
and they have cut that
ridiculous settlement offer
in half. In half!
- Yeah.
- Okay, we can fix this, Jane.
It is too late.
The final settlement is tonight.
And I am gonna speak for the group,
- No, Jane
- and you are both fired.
- Fired?
- No, wait.
Good day.
(STAMMERS)
Mom, we can't just give up on this.
The new settlement
hearing isn't until 8:00.
- Maybe we could find
- Todd, the plaintiffs
have moved on, and so must we.
We can't jeopardize what little
settlement they have left.
I'll just, I'll go tell
Beverly what happened.
Oh, great, that's the
last straw for me, then.
I am definitely gonna get fired.
I mean, I have pushed it
too far one too many times.
I'm gone. Kersplitzo.
Oh, you're not kersplitzo.
Yes, I am. Wood-fired pizza.
Canned Film Festival.
PD Axed.
Todd, I will take care of it, if I can.
I just have to think
of something to say.
Earth, Wind & Fired.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Hey, Allison? What's going on?
- Hey, I'm just
- SUSAN: Uh, Margaret.
Could you take a seat, please?
(EXHALES) Okay.
It's actually good timing
to have you both here.
Because I have something
for each of you.
It's official.
You are both hereby divorced.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Oh, Allison.
Allison, honey, I-I know this isn't how
either of us wanted things to turn out,
- but we are
- Mom.
You're gonna be okay.
And so am I.
But right now, I think
I want to be alone
so I can figure some things out
- by myself.
- Okay.
Okay.
(STAMMERS) Yep.
I love you.
Thanks.
Congratulations?
Oh, my God, what a day, what a day.
(PHONE CHIMES)
(SIGHS)
Uh
Thank you, Susan.
(SIGHS)
- FRANCEY: Hey.
- Hey.
How'd that go?
Let's just say it wasn't
a banner day for love.
Francey, am I an idiot?
Is marriage ridiculous?
I mean, if the two of
them can't make it work,
- then what am I doing getting marr
- Suze, stop.
Don't compare yourself to anybody.
Not them, not anyone.
This is your life. What do you want?
- (LAUGHS): I don't
- Do you love Peter?
Yes.
Do you want to spend the
rest of your life with him?
(EXHALES)
Yes.
Then that's all that matters.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Silly girl. (CHUCKLES)
LYLE: Todd, I got info
on the McBarton Beer Co.
from the National Labor Relations Board.
The workers did file
paperwork to organize a union.
Oh, I guess no one told you
we were let go from that case.
Yeah, the final settlement's at 8:00,
and, uh we're out.
(SCOFFS) Don't bother telling Lyle
so he can work all night with no sleep.
Would it make you feel any better
to know that I'm likely gonna be fired?
For impersonating a lawyer
and losing a client and
opening a credit card
- in your name.
- Wha
Well, that part's a joke, but
I'm probably gonna get fired.
Oh.
Well, that is unfortunate.
Unfortunate indeed.
The brewery workers, they
filed to start a union, right?
Yes. The papers were
filed by one of them.
A William Phillips.
Oh, okay. Thanks.
Yeah.
William Phillips?
With a P?
And William, which could be Billy,
and P for Phillips?
So, possibly, Billy P.?
Possibly.
What was the name of the guy
who drove the parade float?
"Billy P."
So, uh, William Phillips,
aka Billy P., the union organizer,
was driving the parade float
When he was overcome by carbon
monoxide and nearly died.
- Is it possible
- Someone was trying to
Kill the union organizer?
MARGARET: (SIGHS)
Double martini, please.
Wow. Bad day?
Ah, ha, ha. Yes.
- Me, too.
- (SIGHS): Well
Oh! Oh! Oh, no.
My phone. Super.
- Just super.
- Can I get another pitcher
of Portland Union Brew back here?
This one's got a phone in it.
Make it a triple martini.
Hello? Anybody?
It is dead. It's dead.
So, how'd it go with
E.L.B.I. and piercing
- ye olde corporate veil?
- We failed. I failed.
The plaintiffs fired us,
and they're about to get steamrolled
over the final arbitration tonight.
And I might have gotten
my son Todd fired,
and my divorce
and my daughter's divorce, Allison
came through on the same day,
which was just so sad.
Are you even listening to me, Gus?
Yes.
You are not. You are playing with darts.
I'm not playing with
darts, I am playing darts.
Here. Give me one of those.
Sometimes, we say ♪
Eh, that's not bad. You got to
try and lift your arm
up a little bit there.
Do not give me dart tips, please.
Dart tips are the pointy end, you know?
When you realize ♪
I'm really sorry what
happened with the E.L.B.I.
Although, I'm not
surprised you lost to them.
Oh! Really?
You're not surprised?
Oh, I see, I see, I see.
So the great Gus Easton
- can beat E.L.B.I
- Oh, come on.
but poor, little, tiny Margaret can't?
Oh, come on, I didn't say that. Would
Will you please stop trying
to pick a fight with me?
- No, I am not trying to pick a fight with you.
- Yes
You just now were trying
to pick a fight with me,
by saying, you know, "I'm
not surprised about that."
That is horrible. I mean, anyway,
- why should I stop
- Because I like you, okay?
And I'm doing my darnedest
to try and date you,
if you'd just be quiet long enough
for me to ply you with my charms.
Oh, and does plying me with your charms
include walking out on
our first dinner date?
You said it was officially over.
And by the way, I paid for
the check on the way out.
- I would like you to know that.
- And probably expensed it.
Oh, I have never, ever,
in court or on the street,
met a woman as frustrating as you.
♪
Where to? ♪
Gus.
When you were suing E.L.B.I.,
is it possible
any of their subsidiaries had unions?
Oh, hell no. They'd never allow that.
No, they're like rabid wolves
when it comes to organized labor.
That's it. The union.
They were trying to stop the union.
Oh, Gus, do you think that it's possible
that E.L.B.I. would
go so far as to demand
that any of their future
subsidiaries would squash
- any union labor activity
- Ow, that-that's sharp.
before they would acquire them?
- That's really sharp.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
(PHONE RINGING)
Wait, that's-that's my phone.
- TODD: Mom.
- Todd.
- That parade accident was no accident.
- Union busters, E.L.B.I.
The float driver was the union leader.
So, they must have stipulated that.
- Yes.
- So it was attempted murder?
- Yes.
- By Theresa?
- Yes.
- Todd, how did you know
to call me on Gus's phone?
I tracked your location. Lucky guess.
Well, uh, we have to
get to that arbitration.
I mean, you-you do,
you do, because you
you are their representative.
Oh, my God! We've only got 45 minutes.
- Okay, Todd, before you go,
- Yeah.
- you need to make sure that
- TODD: I'm gonna
Todd? Todd?
Gus, you don't charge your
phone before you leave your boat?
You threw your phone in my beer.
Gus, come on. We've got to run.
Gus, I didn't get a chance to tell Todd
all the things he's gonna
need to know to prepare.
First, he's gonna have to request
that Theresa attend the meeting.
Then he's gonna have to question her.
If he's learned anything
from working for me
this entire year, he'll
already know all those things.
Todd is representing the plaintiffs?
Yes, and he has to get them,
and Jane, back on board.
Oh, maybe if he tells
them it was murder.
Are you sure your son is gonna
be able to pull any of this off?
- What are you saying about my son? How dare you!
- No, I
Todd is very competent
and he's very smart
and he's very capable,
and he can convince
- almost anyone of anything.
- Oh Oh!
- At least I hope he can. What is going on with you?
- Ow! Ow
- I pulled a hamstring.
- Oh, my God.
- Are you okay?
- Oh, God. No, it's okay.
- No, it's okay. Go.
- Are you good? Okay, good.
- Leave me behind. Go.
- I will.
Go! Save those plaintiffs.
- I'll call you later!
- Go!
(GRUNTS)
Todd, can you pull this off?
And can I trust you?
Oh, Todd!
(SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
(HORN HONKS)
Okay. Gotta go.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(PANTING)
Oh, I'm sorry Ma'am?
The-the settlement arbitration
is in session already.
Y-You can't go in.
But I'm Margaret
Wright. I'm the attorney.
Oh, but I guess I'm not
anymore. Okay, a-all right.
It's only representatives and clients.
But, uh, my son.
Is my son here? Oh, where is he?
Todd?
W-wait, did you say Todd?
- Yes.
- Todd Wright?
Yes. Uh
Hang on a moment.
Are you "Mom"?
Ah! Yes.
- He left this for you.
- Thank you.
(PANTING) Oh
Oh
Todd.
Todd? Todd?
Are you there, Todd?
It's me, your mother.
Yes.
You had better be right about this.
Please trust me. I'm not lying.
All right, sorry for all
these last-minute changes
rushed through by the
plaintiffs' representative.
But we were able to get
Ms. Theresa Wallace here
and you requested to
ask her a few questions
before accepting the
lower settlement offer?
Yes. Ms. Wallace.
You are the floor manager
at the McBarton Beer
Company Brewery, correct?
Yes, but why am I here?
Y'all just can't rope
me into this last minute.
And he tried to seduce me.
KRISTEE: Mr. Arbitrator,
this is ridiculous.
This isn't a trial.
Just a few questions, you
said, Mr. Representative?
- MARGARET: Okay. Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
Now say "Mr. Arbitrator,
sir, if you'll just "
Mr. Arbitrator, sir, if you'll allow me
just a little runway, I
will establish relevance.
Go ahead, then.
Thank you.
Okay, Todd, we've got this.
You remember playing
tug-of-war in grade school?
Mm-hmm.
Well, this is just like that.
Yeah, you give a little
slack, and you pull a little.
First we want Theresa off balance.
So we got to build her up.
Stroke her ego.
"Oh, you are so important "
Mm-hmm. So, Theresa.
Hello again.
Floor manager sounds
like a pretty big job.
It is. I supervise 53 employees.
Give a little more slack.
Let her think she's winning.
Wow. Fifty-three.
Sounds like your bosses
have a lot of faith in you.
They have said they'd
be lost without me.
Now pull. The union was a threat.
If your workers were
successful in forming a union,
all of that power
and responsibility you had
would be threatened,
- wouldn't it?
- No. That's not true.
No? Oh, that's-that's
funny, because all 53
of your supervisees signed
a petition to form a union.
And I'm guessing, if
we asked any of them,
they'd say they're
not so crazy about you.
That's 'cause they
don't like working hard.
Bring up Billy P.
If William Phillips,
the union organizer,
had a little accident,
maybe
all of this would go away.
T-this is crazy.
Now yank. Lay out the crime.
You fiddled with the exhaust
on the parade float that you built
because you wanted Billy P. dead.
No. That's not true.
Don't let up. Make the crime
bigger so she has to explain.
You don't care if you
hurt 40 other people
so long as you got what you wanted.
What's a little broken leg here,
a broken wrist there?
40 people stuck with medical bills
and losing their jobs
because they're in
too much pain to work.
But what's it matter to you?
They weren't supposed to be hurt!
(ALL GASPING)
Ah. We've got her.
That wasn't supposed to happen.
The driver wasn't supposed
to get that far, and I just
It was E.L.B.I.
They told me to squelch the union,
- and I just
- You just accepted money
from E.L.B.I. so you could buy
your beloved 50-foot sailboat.
And you decided
to attempt murder.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
ARBITRATOR: We need to, um,
end this session.
And I need to contact the D.A.
This settlement
will need to be renegotiated.
- (GAVEL BANGS)
- (CHEERING)
Isn't it funny ♪
(WHOOPING)
(APPLAUSE)
(WHOOPING)
Never gonna ♪
(SIGHS)
Imagine, harder when it's ♪
- That was amazing.
- Amazing. I know.
You were perfect in my ear and
it was like we were, like
- Totally in sync.
- Yes! Yes. (LAUGHS)
Todd. Oh, that was incredible.
They are going to add a lot more zeroes
to that settlement number now.
Oh! Okay, I'll go get my keys,
and then I will drive you home.
(LAUGHS)
Tell me that love isn't ♪
TODD: Francey.
What are you doing here
so late? What's going on?
Oh, my God, I came back for my coat
and I found this in the mail.
I must've missed it before.
Todd, you did it.
You got your license.
- I did it?
- You did it.
- I'm back.
- Yes.
- I'm back.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
Oh, my God. Oh
Wait, uh, i-is Susan here, too?
No, she went to Vegas.
With Peter.
To do what?
To get married? Wait, seriously? Uh
- W-What time is her flight?
- Todd.
Please don't screw this up for her.
Screw this up for her? I'm not
gonna screw this up for her.
What do you mean?
She's been building a life
with Peter for a long time now.
I don't want you running
off to the airport to
Running off to the airport?
- Francey, I'm not gonna run off
- Just
leave her alone.
Okay.
But you did it.
- You did it.
- I did it.
- Yes!
- (BOTH LAUGH)
Oh
Okay
BEVERLY: I understand we have
a new lawyer here at the firm?
(LAUGHS): Oh, Beverly.
- You scared me.
- Todd Wright, Esquire,
represented the parade plaintiffs
at the arbitration hearing this evening?
- I can explain.
- You have put
the firm's reputation on the line again.
Your actions are unprofessional,
unethical and, frankly, ridiculous.
Beverly.
Todd and I followed
the letter of the law
to the letter of the law.
And, frankly, I am tired of
being raked over the coals by you.
Excuse me?
No, excuse me!
I have bent over
backwards for my clients,
for you, for Song, for
this firm, for years.
Dancing like a puppet on a string
while you dangle a named
partnership over my head?
And I'm sick of it!
I deserve to have my
name above that door,
and if you can't see that,
then you don't deserve me.
And I am more than happy
to walk out of here,
and start my own firm and
spend the rest of my days
kicking your legal butt
up and down Burnside.
BEVERLY: I've been waiting
for this moment for a very,
very long time.
You, pushing back.
Fighting for what's yours.
Like a named partner should.
See you first thing Monday morning
at Crest, Folding & Wright.
(SOFTLY): Okay.
- I can't believe you got
- I can't believe you got
- named partner.
- your license back.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
You really deserve this, Mom.
Aww, Todd. (LAUGHS)
- You, too.
- Yeah.
Oh, you know, it's gonna
be a lot harder around here,
when you're gone.
Not nearly as much fun.
You know, I'm not
gonna leave right away.
I'm gonna look into going freelance,
open up my own firm again.
You know, maybe take on some
big corporate client first,
just to pay the bills. I
mean, I'm not gonna leave
a steady paycheck and
go right back to nothing
and no health insurance.
- Todd?
- Hmm?
As your mother, you have no idea
how happy those words make me.
"Health insurance"?
- (ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Todd. Okay, let's go home.
Okay. Oh, uh, actually,
I'm not gonna go home just yet.
I'm gonna go check up on a few things
and maybe get a bite to eat,
but I will see you later?
Well, okay, then.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
Good night. I love you, sweetheart.
(WHISPERS): I love you, too, Mom.
I'm proud of you, Todd.
♪
(EXHALES)
So, what are we doing?
I don't know. I, uh, I was walking home,
and I saw that you were open and I
- I just got a divorce.
- Mm.
Then I'm not legally
allowed to give you bangs.
Right, yeah. That makes sense.
I just, I just need a
change. Like, something big.
You should go on, like,
a retreat or something.
Like meditation? Or yoga?
I did this personal exploration weekend.
You get dropped down in the mountains
with, like, an apple and a knife,
and you have to just,
like, live for two weeks.
It was amazing.
- In the mountains?
- The point is,
you strip everything away
and just figure out, you know,
who you really are.
North Star ♪
- (ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Are you sure your leg's okay? (LAUGHS)
And you made it home all right?
Okay, good. No, Gus, I just got home.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go take a shower
and then I'm going to
change my clothes and
then I'm gonna meet
you over at your place.
I-If that's okay.
Yes, unfinished business. Uh-huh.
All right, I'll see you soon.
(SIGHS)
(LOCK CLICKING)
(GASPS)
Harry?
Iceland was horrible.
(CRYING)