Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (2006) s01e21 Episode Script

Previously on Studio 60: She went into shock? - We closed her up, but DIC developed which is a scary way of saying that she won't clot.
It worked.
I'm scared.
About 20 minutes ago, we found out that Tom's brother was one of three airmen captured on a road out of Kandahar.
A company you've never heard of called Trask Security are well-connected in the Near East.
- They deal with the locals.
- How? They bring money and they get the guy back.
How about I do my job and bust you in your head? You guys like making this entertainment? Come on.
It's the Sunset Strip.
No comment.
Why don't you two wait out here? Well - You've got a guard out there? - Uh, yeah.
- In case I try to escape? - The guard's here to protect you.
- From what? - Sadly for you, not me.
- Sir - "No wonder those guys wanna kill us.
I live here, and I wanna kill us.
" That's what you said, right, Simon? - I honestly don't remember what I said.
- You don't have to.
It was on TV.
It's still on TV.
And unless we do something now, I mean right now then starting Monday it'll be on TV a lot.
- What do you wanna do? - I think you should kill yourself.
A guy who used to work here was being interviewed.
He said that Tom and Mark were estranged, which isn't true.
Yeah? This was upsetting to Tom.
He wanted the story dealt with.
He asked if I could talk to someone.
Does Danny have anything to drink around here? Danny's an alcoholic.
His girlfriend's bleeding in the hospital her daughter's born two weeks early Tom's brother was taken hostage by the Taliban and the star of one of his shows just went on television to declare his allegiance to al Qaeda.
- He didn't keep anything for occasions? - I declared my allegiance to al Qaeda? "No wonder those guys wanna kill us.
I live here, and I want to kill us.
" - It got out of hand.
- Yeah, you think? I was trying to help Tom and deal with the story Yeah, about Tom and Mark being estranged.
I asked Leon Cushman from the Post to meet me in the alley.
- Why Cushman? - He's a standup guy.
We have a relationship.
I told him the story wasn't true, and it was upsetting Tom, and could he help me.
I answered a couple of questions, but before I could get inside, they found us.
- Were they blocking the door? - The press? - Yeah.
- No.
- Why didn't you go back in? - I tried - Why didn't you go back inside? - Somebody shouted a question.
I answered it.
And then somebody else shouted a question.
I answered it.
I kept trying to get back, but They were blocking the door? Why didn't you go back in? Because then a guy asked me if NBS leaked the story to boost our West Coast overnights.
- And you lost it.
- Yeah.
All right.
We're gonna draft an apology right now.
- No.
- No what? - I'm not gonna apologize.
- Oh, you know, man, it's 3 a.
m.
- Don't go round and round with me.
- I'll stop if you will.
The place is surrounded by reporters.
I can start Don't call them reporters.
It's an insult to reporters.
I can start damage control now before now turns into Monday.
- Well, go ahead.
- You'll read an apology? No.
Simon, I don't think you understand just how egregiously offensive I'm a pretty bright guy.
I think I have a full understanding of my situation.
We'll draft an apology, and you'll read it.
I don't care if you draft the Gettysburg Address, I'm not reading anything.
Forget the hell that's about to rain down on this network.
I'm standing here telling you you're never gonna work again.
Ever.
You and Michael Richards can open a taco stand together.
- Jack? - Yeah? Fire me or shut the hell up.
He really doesn't keep anything to drink here? You found some.
Yeah.
Where? In your dressing room.
- Do you need a minute? - What? Do you need a minute to get yourself together? - I'm together.
- Yeah.
- You don't feel suicidal? - Why the hell would I feel suicidal? You told the press you were feeling suicidal and homicidal.
"No wonder they wanna kill us, I wanna kill us.
" - You've calmed down? - Yeah.
Now I only wanna kill you.
You can spar with me.
Before the sun comes up you're gonna apologize.
- Wanna bet? - Oh, sure.
- Yeah? - Mm.
My paycheck against yours.
- Oh.
I'm already not doing it.
Wanna incentivize me not to do it? - I've got complete confidence in myself.
- And? No confidence in you.
Have you seen who's out there? The press that's out there? - Yeah.
- The entertainment press.
The same ones who cover our wrap party to see who Jeannie's going home with.
And somebody reports that Mark Jeter is Tom's brother that's when it became a big story.
- Yeah.
Without the ties to a Hollywood TV star, just three guys who are gonna die.
- Yeah.
- This makes it user-friendly.
Hey, I oversee a network news division.
You think I don't know? Would you agree that announcing a captured airman is the brother of a Hollywood TV star put Mark's life in greater danger? I did everything I could to keep that off the air.
- Why? It puts Mark's life in greater danger.
- So you would agree? - I screamed at people.
I begged them.
That must be like standing at the bottom of Niagara Falls and begging it to go up.
It was.
They make the capture of three U.
S.
Troops a show-biz story and casually put the three of them in greater danger and then they ask me if we're manipulating the story for our benefit? There are some situations that call for being impolite.
You said, "Fire me or shut up," right? A few minutes ago? - I did.
- Why do you think I haven't fired you? - I really don't - Because I agree with you.
- Good.
- I understand.
- Good.
- Good.
Now go out and apologize.
- You gotta be kidding.
- Not even a little.
- Why? - Because we're doing it right this time.
Simon, we're doing it right this time.
When Matt and Danny had to leave five years ago, I wasn't the bad guy.
I told them what I'm telling you now.
And that was over a relatively benign sketch.
All they had to do was apologize.
I'm glad you brought this up.
There is something I've always wanted to tell you.
What? You broke your word.
You made a deal with them, and you broke your word and that's why they lost their jobs five years ago.
Mmm.
There's something I've always been meaning to tell you.
You're really very stupid.
I made a deal with them and they lost their job because I kept my word.
Bobcat Willy and the Studio 60 Band, give it up.
All right, welcome to the first dress rehearsal of our first show of the 2001-2002 season of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
Give yourselves a round of applause.
All right, who's a little worried we might get blown up tonight? And who's a little worried about my doing jokes about getting blown up tonight? Now, you may have read a few weeks ago that our executive producer, Wes Mendell had a small medical problem.
His heart stopped.
But they've got him up and running.
He's home while the show is being produced by Matt Albie our senior writer, and Daniel Tripp, our senior producer.
You could just say, "Matt, may I have your attention for a moment?" - Did you hear that? - What? Simon during the warm-up just now.
It was a pretty mixed reception to a joke about getting blown up.
- An ice-breaker.
- Don't do the sketch.
It's just the dress.
You and Danny have done such a great job running the show.
Thank you.
- Why take chances now? - I'm not.
You are.
Listen to me.
You got roughed up when you stood up for Bill Maher and now this? - Now what? The sketch.
If it makes you feel any better, we have a deal with Jack.
- What deal? - There will be ad reps at the dress.
If any of them object, we'll cut it before it gets on the air.
If not, we'll put it on.
He gave us his word.
- Not good enough.
- I trust Jack.
I meant it's not good enough to protect you.
Even if you just do it at dress, word's gonna get out.
Oh.
Hit the end of the line.
Drive to it.
You know what I'm talking about, right? - Matt.
- The sketch isn't radioactive.
I believe that it is, I believe you believe it is.
I appreciate you saving me the trouble of thinking.
You all know Harriet Hayes, everybody.
The country is united right now.
It's a sketch about Hollywood executives pitching patriotic movies to Karl Rove.
- It's not Reds.
- I want you to ask yourself something.
- What? - Are you doing this to get back at me? - Okay.
- Okay what? I've asked myself, and the answer came back I don't know what you're talking about.
- Are you doing it to get back at me? - No.
- No what? - No, ma'am? - Matt I'm doing this because the White House, in the middle of a war sent the second most powerful man to Hollywood to pitch movie ideas.
- That's not what happened.
- I'm all for fighting a global war on terror.
I'm Jewish.
I've wanted to kill Arabs long before any of you.
Everything's gonna be fine tonight.
Uh, enjoy the dress rehearsal.
Willy, take us to the starting line.
Three, two, guys.
Look, ahem I just don't think making Rambo Goes to Jalalabad is gonna do the trick.
Neither will making fun of patriotism.
I don't care about that.
- That poses an interesting question.
- What? - What do you care about? - Right now? You.
I want you to take over when Wes retires, because that's what you want.
I don't think you're allowed to sleep with Luke and care about what I want.
Whether I'm allowed to or not, that's the way it is.
And the sketch is gonna get cut after dress anyway, so don't do it.
- Harry.
- Matt.
Go do Holly Hunter.
I've turned some corner somewhere.
I'm actually starting to repel men I'm trying to seduce.
What are you doing? Cheering you up with a little Holly Hunter.
- Yeah? - It's what I'm here for.
How is it no one's ever hit you in the head? I duck and weave, baby.
Hello.
Doctor.
- Hey.
You see the baby? - Yeah.
- She's a beaut.
- I'll say.
She's getting a bath now.
First of many.
Any change with Jordan? No, not yet.
She's still bleeding? It's as if she's a hemophiliac.
We need to get her to clot.
Aside from just hoping that happens, what do we do? We're giving her blood transfusions.
You've got enough blood? Sure.
And what else? They're administering a clotting drug called Novoximal-20.
It helps an overstressed body remember how to clot.
- It hasn't been FDA approved - It hasn't been FDA approved? - Not yet.
- They're using an experimental drug? - It sounds worse than it is.
- We're gonna stop saying that now.
It sounds worse than it is.
- What's her classification? - I'm sorry? You classify patients.
Stable, serious - What's her? - They're definitions we use.
What's her classification? Critical.
Okay.
I'll call you.
Okay, bye.
Any change? No.
Jack's got Simon sequestered in your office.
He's trying to beat a public apology out of him.
Hm? Nothing.
I'm gonna do a little Juliette Lewis for a while.
- Really? - Yeah.
Hey.
- Hey, I was just checking on Tom's parents.
- How are they? - They're sleeping now.
The chaplain was in there.
How are you? - Me? - Yeah.
I'm fine.
I've been in the same clothes for 20 hours.
We've got a room in wardrobe storage with sweats and T-shirts and stuff.
- Thanks.
- I appreciate you hanging around for this.
We're a full-service law firm.
Well, you're connected to some pretty serious people.
Yeah, that's why I came to find you.
It's time? - They have a way of moving forward.
- What is it? No, that's what they say.
They have a way of moving forward.
These guys don't give out a lot of information.
- They're not carpet cleaners.
- Okay.
Well, I'll go get Jack, and Will you wait outside my office? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
You look good there.
Yeah? Yeah, nice backlighting.
Yeah.
You know, in 1993, Congress issued an apology to native Hawaiians on behalf of the United States for the overthrow of the Kingdom of Hawaii a hundred years earlier.
All was forgiven and I have a house in Kauai.
All right.
Fine, enough.
You'll do it? Yes.
You'll read an apology? To the people of Hawaii.
Can the people of Africa get one next or are the Sioux Indians in line ahead of us? You're gonna apologize, Simon.
I see.
Okay.
Thank you.
That was Lieutenant Pierce.
Your parents are resting.
You can do the same if you want.
You can lie down on the couch.
In para-rescue school, I was awake and alone for three straight nights in the middle of New Mexico trying to avoid capture by my instructors.
- How'd you do? - I was awake when they captured me.
You're the least confidence-inspiring person I've ever met.
- Who's the blond roaming the halls? - She's a lawyer.
The show's getting sued for sexual harassment and wrongful termination.
It's after 3 a.
m.
What's she still doing here? - I don't know.
- I bet you're about to find out.
Excuse me.
- Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah.
We've been waiting to tell you till we understood more facts.
Waiting to tell me what? Mary thinks her firm can buy your brother back.
- Mary's firm represents a company called - Hang on.
Uh, in here.
Mary's firm represents a company called Trask Security.
They do what's called K and R, Tom.
- Kidnap and ransom? Yeah.
- It's big business in Latin America.
And they've opened a branch office in Kandahar? Kabul.
They think they know where they are, who's got them, how to get them back.
They think they know where they are? - Are they telling somebody? - What the guy who was talking to our guy in London said was that any information they have, they share with intelligence which probably has it already.
- The guy talking to the guy How far are you from this? I'm a sexual-harassment lawyer.
I'm not with the A-Team.
Trask Security gets back people who have been kidnapped? They negotiate a ransom and deliver it.
Who are they? Former Special Ops, Special Forces, CIA locals - It's legal? That's a complicated question.
Let's just say yes.
- Let's say yes? - It's a legitimate company.
Then why doesn't everybody use them? Not a lot of people who get captured have your brother's resources.
- What's their success rate? About fifty-fifty.
What happens to the other 50? Well, listen, I appreciate it, but I don't want I don't want to do anything to interfere with what the military might be doing.
- Sure.
- Yeah, we just wanted to tell you about it.
I appreciate it.
- Just out of curiosity, how much money? - Don't worry about that.
It would be millions, right? NBS or TMG aren't gonna get involved Tom.
We're saying don't worry about that.
All right, thanks.
There any good vinyl shops in L.
A? - What? - Vinyl.
Records.
Any good record stores? Yeah, it's Los Angeles.
We have record stores.
I'm not talking about CDs.
Records.
I'm talking about records too.
We have stores.
I've been looking for a particular recording that's hard to find.
- I don't care.
- It's Sinatra singing "Moonlight in Vermont" live with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra, 1966.
What do you want? Don't consider what they were talking to you about.
How'd you know what they were talking about? See these bars on my shoulders? Think I'm a doorman? - They were just offering an alternative.
- Mm.
A few years back, a VIP and another guy are kidnapped in Colombia.
They want $3 million for his release and the insurance company refuses to pay it.
A company that sells kidnapping insurance? More than one.
The blond with the legs, her law firm represents one of them.
What happened to the guy? They killed the non-VIP, then upped the ransom to 11 million.
The State Department begged the company not to pay it.
They were negotiating a broader deal with the government.
The company didn't care.
They wanted their man out.
Know what the going rate is today to get a hostage out of Colombia? - Eleven million dollars.
- That's right.
Tom, these guys are jihadists, and they fund their jihad by selling heroin to the hookers working Sunset and by kidnapping people.
We don't give them a nickel.
Not now, not ever.
You understand me? - Yeah.
- Look at me.
- Do you understand me? - Yes.
You don't know where I can find a Sinatra recording? - I don't think your jokes are funny.
- Yeah, you do.
- You're just not in the right mood.
- I can't imagine why not.
Hey, Superfly stepped in it, huh? - Homeboy spit the bit.
- That's my fault.
I sent him out there to Yeah, he went from zero to stupid in 4.
5 seconds.
- Dealing with the press isn't easy.
- I wouldn't know.
I've spent my adult life dealing with people who are trying to kill me.
It's roughly the same principle.
He should apologize before it gets out of hand.
- He's not gonna.
- He should.
- He's not gonna.
- Why? Because like the song goes: "This is all just a little bit of history repeating.
" Hey, thank you, you are a terrific dress-rehearsal audience.
Go home, turn on the TV, watch the real thing, okay? How about a nice hand for Sheryl Crow.
Come on.
Nice dress.
Nice dress.
Jeannie, drive to the end of the line.
- I'll get it tonight.
- Thanks.
- Ow.
Hey.
- Don't be a yutz.
Cut the sketch.
Guess what, two national ad reps, the head of sales and affiliates relations didn't say a word about it.
They didn't have a problem.
- Do you know what a way-homer is? - Of course It's a joke that you get on the way home.
This is the opposite.
It's a joke you realize wasn't funny on the way home.
Once they're on their way home, they're out of my jurisdiction.
So why don't you get some dinner? I was on the floor during the sketch.
It was uncomfortable laughter, I could tell.
- I'm gonna sharpen it.
- It doesn't need sharpening.
It needs to be cut.
People want and deserve to feel patriotic right now, and making fun of them For the ninth time, I'm not making fun of patriotism.
I'm making fun of car decals passing for patriotism.
The way I make fun of diamond-encrusted crucifixes from Harry Winston passing for faith.
You wanna mock me, mock me.
I can't end your career.
They can and they will.
That sketch is a ticking bomb and it will go off on Monday.
You know I remember a few days after the megaphone thing at ground zero at the Writers Guild, people were talking about what a seminal moment that was and while people were saying what a great leader he had become I was thinking, "What I saw was a guy getting an alley-oop pass from a heckler.
" A guy off camera shouted, "We can't hear you" and Bush shouted back, "I can hear you.
Soon the people who knocked down these towers will hear all of us.
" Not a bad comeback, but it didn't strike me as a St.
Crispin's Day speech or anything.
I didn't say anything because I was scared.
And I've been scared for five weeks, and that's too long for a grown man so why don't you just go to dinner? - No.
I'm talking to Danny.
Where is he? Danny? Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
That was from a motorcycle accident.
A guy took his arm off going through Laurel Canyon.
- We stopped the hemorrhaging.
- With the motorcycle guy? Jordan.
We stopped the hemorrhaging.
Novoximal-20 worked.
- Yes.
- Oh, thank God.
- No, wait.
- What? - She developed a complication.
- What? We just went through - It's a postop infection, we think.
- You think? She has a high fever and a rapid heartbeat, and with the DIC that indicates that she probably has a bacterial infection.
It should become resolved by giving her IV antibiotics, which we're doing now but it could become worse.
- How much worse? - She could go into shock.
And then what? Her organs could shut down.
- What are the chances? - We don't handicap those - What are the chances? - Let's let the antibiotics What are the chances? About 25 percent.
- I have to go see her.
- You can't go near her.
If you've got a cough or a cold How does it happen that she comes into a hospital and gets sicker? She's young and healthy, and she's gonna be fine.
- But you don't handicap these things.
- I just did.
Now go be with the baby.
I'll be back when there's an update.
I'll give you two choices.
I can do more Holly Hunter Or? I can teach you how to pray.
- Teach me.
- God always wins.
No, it's just your Holly Hunter is unbearable.
Whatever.
Let's go find the chapel.
I need you.
Jack, my whole life, I've been waiting to hear those words from you.
Say them again.
As if you - Shut up.
- All right.
By the way, Jordan's developed a postop infection.
I know.
How do you walk into a hospital and then get sick? She's in a building full of people with diseases.
Go figure.
- What do you need me for, Jack? - Tell Simon you want him to apologize.
- We got bigger fish to fry.
- No.
We got a lot of fish to fry and this is one of.
And it's a big fish, it's a fish that's gonna Yeah, I don't wanna do fish anymore.
- Settle down.
- I've got upfronts next week.
Ninety percent of television advertising time's gonna be sold next week.
Nine billion dollars is gonna change hands next week.
None of it into mine if my network employs a terrorist sympathizer.
- You think Simon's a terrorist sympathizer? - Yeah, that's what I think.
- Come on.
Help me out, would you? - He said He said, "No wonder they wanna kill us, I wanna kill us.
" He was under enormous strain, he wasn't prepared he was provoked, and people say things they don't mean.
Add "I'm sorry," you've got a statement he could read.
- That's up to him.
- Well, forget the ad upfronts, man.
I won't be able to keep him on the air.
People aren't gonna care that much that he said he wants to kill the press.
People won't care if he kills the press.
It's interpreted as wanting to kill America.
That's just because it's more fun to interpret it that way.
- That's right.
- Matt five years ago, two words from you, you could've saved your job.
"I'm sorry.
" No, two words from you and I could've saved my job.
- Hey, hey.
- You know what they are? - "Screw yourselves.
" - Listen "I'm the chairman of NBS.
These are my guys.
You're all a bunch of hysterical reactionaries and I think you should go screw yourselves.
" Well, that was more than two words.
- Anything else? - I never broke my promise.
- Anything else, Jack? - I never broke the promise.
Danny, Matt.
I'm Matt, he's Danny.
Come on in.
What'd you hear from Wes today? They're giving him a blood-pressure-lowering medication called Liovan.
And the doctors are keeping him in bed.
- It's your show again for a week.
- It's his show.
We're just running it.
There's an AM radio station in Phoenix, KRAC Talk Radio.
Their morning drive-time hosts are Mike and Marvin.
This is this morning.
I'm waiting for the big one.
I am praying for the big one.
One big earthquake right at the What's? What's it? The? The San Andreas Fault.
San Andreas Fault.
Just lop off all of Southern California right into the Pacific.
We don't need it.
Friends, I don't know how many of you out there watch Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
I know I don't.
It's a late-night humor show from the folks at NBS.
Well, I wouldn't call it humor.
It's what passes for humor in Hollywood.
Well, Friday night on their program they took the word "disgusting" to a brand-new level.
This doesn't sound like a good review.
You can call it disgusting.
I'm gonna call it repulsive.
- No, I was wrong, there's a pull-quote.
- Shut up.
Friends, on the program Friday night these junior varsity liberal punks performed a sketch in which our nation's desire to be unified shoulder to shoulder behind our president was mocked as a silly thing.
What are we getting at? They wanna make sure Washington isn't using scare tactics that impinge on their right to make this drivel.
I got news for you, it ain't Washington that's using scare tactics.
It's the terrorists, so stop whining with your smug little jokes.
It's a local station.
I'm still not understanding the point of Now, the writer of this sketch was Matthew Albie.
That's A-L-B-I-E.
And Mr.
Albie, you are the latest addition to our FOO list.
- FOO list? - Wait for it.
Friend of Osama.
I'm a friend of Osama We go to Dance-o-Rama We got evil karma Our cave will be bomb-a By the U.
S.
A.
- Now, please, keep listening.
- He wrote and recorded a treason jingle? I gotta hear this again.
Matthew Albie also came out and publicly supported Mr.
Bill Maher when Mr.
Bill Maher said that the terrorists weren't cowards.
- Our guys were cowards.
- That's not what he said.
- Hang on.
That's not what we said.
Hang on.
- I still don't understand why Because of this.
Wanna send a message to the latte-drinking liberals that Clinton time is over? You buy no products that are advertised on Studio 60 and I'm gonna give you a list of their sponsors.
Let's go.
Sears, Wal-Mart Hey, come on, it's conservative talk radio in one market.
They're in Phoenix.
They're syndicated in 11 other cities.
Houston, Dallas, Brownsville El Paso, Denver.
Sales is very concerned, the ad reps are calling.
We got a problem Sales was at the dress.
So were national ad reps.
- They didn't have a problem then.
- They got one now.
Because these guys have a problem? Because their customers have a problem.
They're getting calls and e-mails, they wanna nip it in the bud.
- How? - Some kind of apology.
I'm sorry.
- Not to me.
- I'm sorry, an apology will not be coming.
- Why's that? - Because unless it's with my mom or my girlfriend, when I say I'm sorry, I mean it.
You don't have a girlfriend now, so fake it.
- How do you know I don't? - I know everything, Danny.
- I'm Matt.
- He knows.
I do, and I also know what's gonna happen if you don't apologize.
- You'll fire me.
- No, I'll fire him.
What did he do? He was next to you when you said you wouldn't apologize.
See how this is gonna work? - You must know the song.
- I do know the song.
This is Captain Boyle.
Mm-hm.
Do you have my code? Call me right back on the secure phone.
What's going on? Tango-Nevada-Echo-Echo-Bravo.
- When? - What's going on? What do you think, I've got about five minutes? All right, copy that, I'm here.
- All right, Tom, listen to me now.
- What? In about five minutes, Aljazeera's gonna report that they've executed Airman Valdez.
They'll probably show tape of the dead body.
Listen to me.
They're lying.
They haven't killed anybody.
They'll show a guy they killed months ago.
- How do you know? - I'm not new at this.
We're giving them the money.
I'm getting the lawyer back.
- They're lying.
- You don't know that.
- Wait for verificat - I'm not waiting.
This is what terrorism is.
This is what they want.
Face some facts, would you? It works.
Get down on your knees.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Why? - Respect.
See, this is my first speed bump.
If I were God, I wouldn't have any ego problems.
I wouldn't need, "Oh, Lord, creator of the universe most powerful and merciful and handsome of all the deities.
" There's a baby that's two weeks premature, her mom can't stop bleeding my friend and employee's brother is being held prisoner by medieval heroin dealers.
If he needs 10 minutes of sucking up before he'll fix this I don't wanna work with him.
- The kneeling is for you.
How's it for me? It takes the average person in America It takes the average person in the world 60 lifetimes to earn what you earn in a year.
You have choices.
Same is true for me.
And the one thing that isn't handed to you on a silver platter is humility.
So I like to begin each day on my knees and end each day on my knees.
If he's everything you say, I shouldn't have to audition.
- It's not an audition.
- Lf he's real - He is.
- And he loves me - He does.
- Why not just fix it? I don't know.
And I'm hoping it's gonna be a long, long time before you get to ask him yourself.
Get on your knees.
I wasn't handed anything on a platter.
I'm who I am because my parents gave me opportunities.
I'm who I am because I worked hard and got good grades.
I got what I got because I went after a non-paying entry-level television internship and proved myself.
I got what I got because I took action.
- Are you a surgeon or a hematologist? - No.
Then what action can you take now? I'm sorry.
It feels wrong to be in this room.
This isn't the time, but he made some reasonably good points.
How about this? "A few hours ago I made a very irresponsible and offensive statement to the press.
I don't in any way sympathize with " You're kidding me, right? No.
You contribute money to the Democratic Party? Uh, I've contributed money to lots of things.
- Including Democrats? - Yes.
I'll go out there and say that I don't sympathize with terrorists if you say you don't either.
Simon, I didn't just go in front of television cameras No, I'm sorry, Jack, I heard the president say: "Either you're with us or you're against us.
" Unless you're Saudi Arabia.
And if you gave money to Democrats, you're not with us.
All right, all right, all right.
And what kind of name is Rudolph? Is it German or is it Jewish? And you're getting a divorce so does that mean you don't have family values or does it mean you're gay? Answer those things for me and the audience and I'll go out there with you and say whatever you want.
Is this how it happened with Matt and Danny? How about instead of issuing an apology release a statement saying that Studio 60 and NBS aren't interested in commenting on the fabricated crisis ginned up by a guy who - And I still can't get over this.
- Matt - wrote a radio song called "Friends of Osama.
" Jack, is it possible? This guy wants California to drop into the ocean.
Considering there are more Americans here than any other state I think that's unpatriotic, and I'd like an apology.
Is it possible that we're responding to a worst-case scenario before it's happened? Absolutely.
One of my jobs is to recognize things before they become as bad as they can get.
- The ad reps were on the floor - I understand that, Danny and I kept my promise, but now we have a problem as, frankly, I predicted we would.
- We don't have a problem.
The sketch was taken out of context to make the exact opposite point that was intended by people who never watched to begin with.
Okay, hang on.
Stop, everybody.
It's not even our show.
We're substitute showrunners for a couple of weeks.
And you won't treat the property you do not own recklessly.
- We're not treating it - Jack, he's right.
We showed it to the ad reps.
No one who would be offended by this show watches Studio 60.
They watch other shows on this network, except not anymore because watching NBS will be unpatriotic and people wanna feel patriotic.
- By watching television? - By doing whatever the hell Guys, I can't spend all day on this.
At a time when the whole country is completely in line including the two of us how is it possible that people are so offended by a thoroughly benign sketch? Is true patriotism that fragile that it can be threatened by a late-night comedy show? Excellent point.
One that's worthy of an exceptionally enlightened 7th-grade social-studies class.
You're gonna apologize or you're fired.
- Whoa.
- First of all, you can't fire us.
You can fire Wes and Wes can fire us.
- Stacey.
- Let's lower the temperature a bit so that we can Get me Wes Mendell, please.
Let's see what happens now.
Jack? Jack.
- Uh, no.
- No what? No, that's not how it happened to Matt and Danny.
Please don't go anywhere.
- Mary's coming in.
- Let's wait for I'm here.
Who are you? Mary Tate.
- You look different.
- She was sleeping.
I was sleeping.
I looked a lot better when the day started.
What's happened? Aljazeera will say Valdez was executed.
They've got film.
Boyle doesn't believe it.
He says it's footage of a guy who - Old footage.
- Is he committing to anything right now? - No.
- What's it take to get it started? Tom gets on the phone with our office in London.
They put you through a proof-of-identity process.
- Can we skip that part? No.
Then they'll quote a price that includes their services and buyout fee.
- How much is that? - Don't worry.
- How much is it? - They ask for a million-dollar deposit.
- I don't have a million.
- I do.
- I can't ask you to do that.
- You can't ask us not to.
Can I make a transfer from out of the country? - I'm not committing to anything.
- No.
I'm gonna talk to my parents and then I'll come back and we'll get the ID process started.
- I'm gonna get to a phone.
With who? Any bank that's open.
Why are you holding your shoes? I guess I was gonna put them on.
- You speak to Danny? - Yeah.
A few minutes ago.
They got her on an IV antibiotic About the baby.
Mary, I'm not gonna What do you want me to? He can go in with papers.
He can go into Jordan's room with legal papers, she can make him the guardian.
- I can't suggest - You have to.
It's insensitive, it's ghoulish.
And she's a friend of mine too.
- I wish you wouldn't talk - This isn't the time to be polite.
Danny's looking at his daughter right now, only she's not his daughter if Jordan dies.
- Well, she's not gonna.
- She's in the ICU, Matt.
He could lose his fiancée and his daughter in one night and that's preventable.
Do you know how to draft the papers?