The Garfield Show (2008) s01e21 Episode Script

1
-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]
[upbeat theme song playing]
-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]
[Garfield straining]
I found an old empty TV set
in the vacant lot down the street.
It's heavy, but this will be worth it.
Oh, there you are.
I'm about to leave for my trip, Garfield.
Bring me something.
Now, I'm counting on you
to be nice to Odie while I'm gone.
You can take care of yourself,
but if anything happens to Odie
I know, I know.
No lasagna until a century after next.
Well, you know.
See you in a couple of days.
It's okay. I won't annoy Odie
too much. [snickers]
[Odie yipping]
Good afternoon. I'm Walter Turkeybaster
with the news for puppy dogs.
And here are the headlines.
Major scientific breakthrough
in flea baths,
city to repaint all fire hydrants,
and new lower prices
on cute little rubber squeaky toys.
You dropped your bone.
Thank you.
Wait! We have breaking news!
The city has just passed a law
banning all puppy dogs.
Oh, no!
The mayor has ordered that all puppies
be arrested and locked in a small cage
where they will be fed only raisins.
[Odie yips]
-[Odie] Only raisins?
-Quick, Odie! You have to hide!
They're coming for you!
[Odie's teeth chattering]
No, no, no! That won't work!
They'll find you!
Alright, puppy dog.
We know you're in there!
This is the police.
Come out with your paws up.
[Odie barking, yowling]
-[Garfield snickering]
-[Odie barking]
[Garfield laughs]
This is too good, this is great!
[Odie whining]
Hi, puppy dog.
What's wrong, little puppy?
I won't hurt you.
I didn't know puppy dogs
could climb trees.
[Odie] Uh-oh.
[crash!]
Aww, poor little puppy dog.
I hope you didn't hurt yourself.
My mommy will see if you're alright.
She used to be a nurse.
[Garfield laughing]
Garfield, that was a mean
and crummy thing to do.
You're right, Squeak. But it was so funny.
Come on, Squeak.
Odie will be fine.
He'll be wandering back in a little while.
And then I'll do it to him again!
I'm so bad!
There's nothing wrong
with this little puppy, Nathan dear.
He's fine.
Can we feed him, Mommy?
Well, I suppose. That is, if he's hungry.
Yeah! Yeah!
Get those Peruvian sardines out
of the refrigerator, dear.
What's wrong, little puppy?
Puppy, you act like you expect
someone to swoop in
and just take them away from you.
Yeah! Yeah!
[yowls]
[Odie] Ohh!
They're all yours.
You can eat them all by yourself.
I can?
When is Odie coming back?
I have more tricks planned.
He only went across the street and
Hey, that kid's part of the new family
that moved in here last week.
Go, boy! Fetch the stick!
[Garfield] He's throwing the stick
so Odie can fetch it for him.
What's the point of that?
When I throw the stick, I make sure it
and Odie don't come back for a long time.
Okay. He'll be back.
Yeah, he'll be back.
Mom! The puppy and I get along great.
Can I keep him? Can I?
I don't know. He may belong to someone.
Puppy, do you belong to someone?
Mm-hmm.
Uh-uh!
Well, Nathan, you did do very well
on your latest science project.
I guess you deserve a reward.
Yay!
We need to give you a name, puppy.
This is a book of doggie names.
How about Rover?
Hmm-mm.
-Fido?
-Hmm-mm.
-Lassie?
-[snarls]
Oh, that's right. You're a boy dog.
How about Fluffy?
Blecch!
Boy, here's a real dumb name.
Can you believe that someone
would actually name a dog "Odie"?
All Jon left me to eat
while he's gone is this stuff.
Look at these ingredients!
No pasta. No ricotta cheese.
No marinara sauce!
And they call this cat food?
I'm gonna go use Jon's computer
while he's gone. Any sign of the pup?
Odie will be back.
He'll be back.
Why isn't Odie back?
I'll have to bring him back.
You like this, don't you? Yeah.
We're gonna get you some new doggie toys,
and for dinner, lasagna.
Lasagna? I'm eating canned nothing
and he's getting lasagna?
[mother] Nathan!
That's Mom! I'll be right back.
Odie, quick! Here's your chance.
Sneak out the window
and I'll get you home.
-Uh-uh.
-You don't want to come home?
[yipping]
-This is your home now?
-Mm-hmm.
-See you, pup.
-Bye!
While you're busy, Mom,
may I work on my new science project?
That's a good idea.
Stupid dog.
Imagine picking luxury and lasagna
over being tormented by me.
Well, I won't miss him.
In fact, it'll be nice having the house
as a puppy-free zone.
I don't care if he ever comes back.
[Nathan] Puppy! You're going to help me
with my new science experiment.
[Odie yips]
[electricity sparking]
[Odie yowls]
[electricity buzzing]
This is my lab, puppy.
This is where I am going
to transform you into a cockroach!
[maniacal laughter]
Uh-oh.
[sighs]
Hi, Garfield. I was just placing a bid
on a piece of cheddar,
and I was looking at some of the videos
Jon's taken of you around the house.
-So, Odie isn't coming back?
-No. I can't understand why.
Here. I'll show you why.
Excuse me.
Twenty-seven feet. A new record.
Don't slurp! Don't slurp!
I'm asking you nicely, don't slurp!
Alright, you're asking for it.
Do not open until Christmas.
[snickers]
[Odie yowls]
[Odie panting]
[Garfield laughs]
-Now do you see why?
-I guess.
What difference does it make?
He's living the good life
across the street.
[whining]
[howling]
It's no use. You can't get away!
You'll be a cockroach in no time!
-[laughing maniacally]
-[yowling]
Whoa. He sounds upset. Maybe they're out
of his favorite mustard.
-[electricity buzzing]
-[clamps clanging]
[yowling]
He doesn't sound
like he's having a great time.
No, he doesn't.
Wait for me!
-[electricity buzzing]
-[Odie muttering]
[device whirring]
[laughing maniacally]
In one minute, you'll be a cockroach.
[beeping]
[Odie yowling]
The world needs my invention!
Everyone will want to turn their dog
into a cockroach!
Hurry! Here's what I need you to do.
Okay. [whispering]
-[doorbell rings]
-Why does someone always interrupt you
just when you're about to turn your dog
into a cockroach?
Whew!
Now, where was I?
Oh, yes, turning you into a cockroach!
I was about to
[buzzer sounds]
Where did he go?
Where did my cockroach-to-be disappear to?
[laughing maniacally]
Stop! What are you doing?
No!
Sorry, fella. I need my friend back.
I've been kinda rotten to him lately.
-No!
-[bell dings]
-[electricity sparking]
-You can't do this to me!
[high-pitched voice]
This was my invention!
This is only supposed to be used on dogs!
And my math teacher!
[Squeak] We made it!
[yipping]
What? You heard me say I've been
kinda rotten to my friend lately?
Mm-hmm.
Well, I didn't mean that.
I just, what I was Well, it's
[Squeak] We have breaking news!
Odie the Pup is home,
and Garfield won't do anything mean to him
for at least two weeks.
Make it a week and you've got a deal, pal.
[Odie] Yeah! Yeah, yeah!
Woof!
[sniffing]
Huh?
Hmm?
[Odie yipping]
[Odie] Ohh!
[chomp!]
[muttering]
[chomping]
[thud!]
[Garfield] Dogs. Why?
That is the subject of our program,
and I hope you'll stay tuned
as we delve into the mystifying
and somewhat inexplicable behavior
of the species known as dogs,
or, more formally, Canis lupis familiaris,
or, as I like to call them, muttonheads.
To understand dogs,
we must retrace their history
to have a better understanding
of what made them what they are today,
slobbering flea hotels
who drink out of toilets.
"Most scientists believe
that dogs are directly descended
from the gray wolf.
The gray wolf was both a hunter
and a hunted.
[sighs]
Wolves travel in packs and use a loud
and annoying howl to communicate."
The wolves' howl can be heard
up to ten miles.
And their breath can be smelled
up to 17 miles.
[wolves snarling]
It is difficult to say exactly
how the first wolf was tamed,
paving the way to the present day
domesticated dog.
Oh, yes. Charming, aren't they?
Moving on
"Early cavemen used dogs
to help them hunt.
Dogs had an acute sense of smell,
and they could pick up scents
that the cavemen could not."
[bees buzzing]
[caveman shrieking]
[thwack!]
As you see,
dogs were quite helpful to early man.
[crash!]
[dog muttering, whimpering]
[crash!]
[sniffs]
[cavewoman shrieks]
Uhh
[thwack!]
"Man continued to train and tame the dog.
He must have been searching
for some reason for a dog to exist.
[Odie snarls]
This next evolution in dog-dom"
or, as I like to say, dumb-dog-dom
"introduced us to the 'working dog.'
The working dog was a dog that was good
at herding, hauling, and pulling."
[blows raspberry]
[dog barking]
[man screaming]
Obviously, man had his work
cut out for him
in trying to turn the working dog
into something of value.
[snarls]
That's right, boy.
In fact, I believe you were bred
to be a working dog.
Specifically, a paperweight,
or a doorstop or a big stone.
Ohh!
Good boy.
For a brief time,
dogs became slightly more sophisticated
as lords and ladies of the manor,
hoping to find a purpose for the dog,
used their beasts for sport.
[horn trumpets like elephant]
I do say, is that a covey of pheasants
in the distance?
I do believe you are right, old boy.
Shall we point the way?
Indeed. Let's.
Tea?
Somehow, between then and now,
dogs became very
very stupid.
-How stupid are they?
-I thought you'd never ask.
I'll show you how stupid. May we have
a well-respected scientist, please?
Good afternoon, or good evening.
I have no idea what time it is.
But I am here to test the intelligence
of your average dog.
But first, as a comparison,
I shall test a non-dog animal.
Might I have a volunteer?
Here's your volunteer.
Check my smarts, professor.
Yes. Very good. We shall check
the brain power of this pussycat.
[chuckles]
[sparks zapping]
Now, according to this,
the cat is as smart as a rocket scientist!
A brilliant surgeon! A great philosopher!
How about the guy
who invented microwave lasagna?
Now, I am to test a dog.
But where will I find a dog to test?
Un momento, scientist-type!
Here. This is a dog.
I know that because I'm incredibly smart.
[clang!]
[Garfield] Stay!
Now, I shall measure
the power of his brain.
Any second now.
It is here somewhere. And it's
there it is.
No, that's a pimple.
Here. Maybe this will help.
Found it!
According to this,
the dog is as smart as a
a common houseplant! An amoeba!
A medium-sized container of potato salad!
[Odie whimpers]
Aww! Don't take it so hard, Odie.
Potato salad is very popular.
-Nice work, professor.
-Glad to be of service, Garfield.
Sometime this century,
people got the notion
that dogs were fashionable.
Ahem. They even carried dogs around
like they were accessories.
Well, if you can't find
anything useful to do with a dog,
you might as well dress it up
and take it out.
[dog yips]
-[dog snarling]
-[woman] Hmm?
[clattering]
[gasps, shrieks]
[Garfield] Check that.
I guess you can dress a dog up,
but apparently you cannot take them out.
[director] And, we're clear.
Nice job, Garfield. Let's take five.
[muttering]
Whoa, hold the phone,
I didn't write the history of dogs,
I'm just narrating it.
[muttering]
I know, boy. I'd be embarrassed, too.
I think you need a little fresh air.
[shrieks, mutters]
Dogs. Can't live with them,
can't live with them.
-[barking]
-[dog yipping]
[barks]
Garfield.
[barking]
[all barking]
[sniffing]
[all sniffing]
[Odie yipping]
[all] Fire!
[Odie] Fire?
[dogs barking]
[sawing]
-[martial arts music plays]
-[Vito] Hyaah!
Mamma mia! It's fire!
[Odie] Yaaaaaa!
You dogs! You saved me!
You saved my pizza! It's a miracle!
Oh, thank you, good doggies!
What? Vito's is on fire?
What! Vito's is on fire?
And you say the dogs saved you
and your pizza parlor?
That's right. The dogs, they save Vito,
Vito's building, Vito's Pizza!
They are heroes.
They wake me up, they put out fire.
All these dogs, these brilliant,
brave dogs, they saved Vito!
They get free pizza for life!
You've got to be kidding me.
[clears throat]
Ladies and gentlemen, and cats and dogs,
during the course of filming
"The History of Dogs,"
an unusual thing happened. Witness
Therefore, I must conclude,
that while dogs
do love to drink out of toilets,
sniff each other, slobber, drool, and
[snarling]
I must also admit that throughout history,
dogs have exhibited some admirable traits.
-They have keen sight and smell.
-[Yip]
-They are strong.
-[ruff]
-They are intelligent,
-Huh!
and they are loyal and brave.
In conclusion, let's just say that dogs
are not worthless beads of sweat.
[snarling]
That they might actually have some value.
That they might, in fact,
be man's best friend.
And, cut! That's a wrap, people!
So, how was that?
Oh, and did I mention
that they are cat's best friend as well?