The Nanny s01e21 Episode Script

So, Fran, did you finish sewing my bear? / Uh-huh.
And while I was in there, I took some of the stuffing out of her stomach and I put it in her lips.
I wanted her to look like a Care Bear.
Well, now she looks like a Cher Bear.
Oh, wow.
Hi, Mr.
Sheffield.
Don't you look handsome.
Got a hot date tonight? Yes, but I'm missing a stud.
/ Yeah, well, who isn't? Forget it, I'm not taking you to the movies, you little worm! Well, why not, your friends won't mind.
They're really nice to me.
That's 'cause I told them you only had six months to live.
So what time is my curfew tonight? Ten if you go with the worm, nine if you go wormless.
There.
Now you're perfect.
/ Thank you, Miss Fein.
Oh, where are you goin'? / Oh, tonight is my Butler's Association Meeting.
Oh, a walk on the wild side? / Hm, you said it.
Sometimes we listen to recordings of doorbells and don't get up.
Ah, yeah.
Well, Gracie, it looks like it's just you and me, babe.
I've got a dinner date.
Spaghetti-O's at Bernard's Well, can I come if I bring my own can? Sorry.
Our relationship's at that fragile stage.
Everybody's got their own life but me.
Well, Cher, "I Got You Babe.
" Oh, thank God.
Hi, Fran.
I knew you'd be home.
/ Hi, Val.
Yeah, well, it's official.
I peeked in high school.
I rented "Single White Female" and I picked up a box of Slim Fast Bars.
You know, Val, after ten bars you don't get slim so fast.
Do I have news for you.
/ Danny broke up with Heather Biblow? How'd you hear that? / Oh, from the information super- highway: my mother.
Did she tell you Danny's been askin' about you non-stop? Oh, I could care less.
You know, when I dumped him and marched myself out of that bridal shop .
No, remember, Danny dumped you for Heather Biblow, and then he fired you so she could have your job.
Val, it was a while ago.
It's all very fuzzy.
Okay? Just go talk to him, Frannie.
You two are meant for each other.
Look, Val, the guy dumped me.
There isn't anything that you're gonna say or do that's gonna make me wanna set foot into that bridal shop.
This time you can dump him.
Hm.
What time does he open? We got a customer, Mr.
Imperiale.
/ Hi.
You brought the kids here? / Well, I woulda tied 'em to the meter, but Mr.
Sheffield frowns on that.
Maggie, look.
It's your new boyfriend.
Ah, he's got your personality, too.
And your equipment.
Fran? Babe? Look at you! You look like a million bucks.
Well, just somethin' I threw together.
/ You changed your outfit fifteen times.
Ah, she can't count.
She's only six.
/ I'm seven.
See what I mean? C'mon, kids.
Let's go check the pay phones for quarters.
Fran, I .
You know, my mother really misses you.
Oh, did she get the Isotoners I sent her for Christmas? Yeah, that was really sweet.
You know, especially considering the circumstances.
Hm-hm.
Well, I don't hate her guts.
She didn't dump me for Heather Biblow! Look, I'm sorry.
I had to have a cheap tawdry affair just to really appreciate you.
You were with her for six months.
I had to be sure.
Well, I could care less.
/ Look, if you could care less then why do you come down here lookin' like you're lookin'? Just to let you know what you're never gonna have again.
Suffer.
I am .
Frannie, I still want you.
And somethin' tells me you still want me, too.
I don't! I don't .
Ah ah .
No, I'm not comin' back here so that I can waste another three years of my life waiting for you not to ask me to marry you.
All right.
All right.
I'm gonna do it right now.
Come here.
Frannie Fein will you marry me? / What? I'm askin' you to marry me.
I miss ya.
I love you.
C'mon, whadaya say? / What do I say? You led me on for three years.
You cheated on me.
You fired me .
So? So, I'm gonna have to think about it.
Ma? Ma, good news.
It finally happened.
I got proposed to.
Thank you! Sima bon, mazel tov, mazel tov, sima bon .
Ma! Ma! Calm down.
You're gonna make it start to rain.
Oh, Frannie, your father and I have been waiting for this day since the moment you were born.
Now we can die.
Morty, you can start smoking again! Ma, I haven't said yes yet.
/ Morty, put away the cigar! What is to think about? He's handsome, he's rich, he's already got three children, which, trust me, your pelvis will thank you for.
Ma, it's not Mr.
Sheffield.
/ It's not? No! The boss never marries the help.
Look at Tony and Angela.
Eight years he wasted on her.
He was so heartbroken.
He skied into a tree.
Major Nelson and Jeannie tied the knot.
If she had any commitment at all to that relationship, she would have given up her apartment.
It was a bottle.
They kept it on top of the mantle.
All I'm sayin' is what the hell am I sayin'? How the hell should I know? So who are you marrying? Danny! Who do you think!? / Oy! What? What's the matter? You were always so hot to see me and Danny together.
Now you're givin' me a lukewarm "oy"? I didn't like the way he treated you during that whole Heather Biblow thing.
He's a real trumpanick.
So he made a mistake.
He begged me to come back.
He cried that he loved me.
/ He cried? Oh, I love a man who cries.
Except Jerry Lewis at the end of the telethon.
Ma, I don't know what to do.
Tell me what to do.
I don't know.
Do you love him? How do you ever know? How did you know that you were in love with Dad? Hm.
His dimples.
/ Daddy doesn't have dimples.
Not where you could see.
And he always treated me like a lady.
Every weekend he would take me to his favorite restaurant and he never once let me carry my own tray.
Well, Danny is not quite as gallant as Dad was, but I'll tell ya when he took me in his arms today and kissed me, boy, did he bring back memories.
It reminded me of the time when you and Dad went to Puerto Rico and Danny came over and I said, "You can't come in here, Danny Imperiale, because my parents said no boys allowed.
" / Hm-hm.
Oh, Ma.
I don't know what to do.
I mean, all my life I've been wanting Danny to propose, and now that he finally does, all I keep thinkin' about is how much I love those three kids.
I know, sweetheart, but it's still just a job.
Don't you want a life of your own? You know I do.
So? So, I I guess I'm gettin' married.
Mazel Tov.
Light up, Morty! Mazel Tov im kumo tas mazel tov im kumo tas mazel tov im hey ney noo .
/ Ma!!!! Oh, Niles, don't take it so hard.
Ah it's the onions.
I mean, I can still come and visit.
You can come to Queens.
We can go bowling.
/ Oh oh .
You don't like bowling? We can play miniature golf.
/ That's better.
Say, where should I have the engagement party? Mongolian Barbecue or Benny's Clam Bar? Tough choice.
Which has the indoor restrooms? Oh you think that's important? All right.
Benny's.
Why don't you have it at your favorite little Italian place in the Village? Oh, nah.
Danny doesn't really like to come into the city.
Oh, yes.
Manhattan has so little to offer.
All right, so we don't have as much in common as we used to, but I'll work on all that after we're married.
Good thinking.
Men are so easy to change.
What's that supposed to mean? Oh, nothing.
Have you told Mr.
Sheffield yet? No, but you know he's so busy and I don't wanna just barge in.
/ Yes, I know how you hate to do that.
Mr.
Sheffield, I'm getting married.
Ya-hoo .
I mean, you? To who? Oh, it doesn't matter.
You need a dress? A ring? A ride to Temple? Oh I'm feeling positively giddy! I have a million phone calls to make.
I am so happy! For you, dear.
Happy is not a good color for that woman.
So who's the lucky man? / Danny Imperiale.
What!? I can't believe it! After he lied and cheated on you with Heather Biblow? How could you? Well if I could forgive him, I would think you certainly could.
Right.
Oh, well, then, this is good news.
Well, I couldn't be happier for you.
You couldn't? Ah, me, too.
I I I suppose this means you'll be leaving us? Ah, guess so.
But I'll stay on until you find someone to replace me.
Oh, oh, no one could ever replace you, Miss Fein.
/ Oh.
Who else is gonna turn out to breakfast in those loud, inappropriate bathrobes? I'll leave a few for Niles.
Well you'll be greatly missed by the children.
I'll miss them, too.
Well, I wish you all the luck in the world.
/ Thank you.
And listen, I'd I'd like to help you with your honeymoon.
Oh, well, that's a little breaking with tradition, but I'll ask Danny.
Oh no, Miss Fein, I I I meant financially.
Oh, well that'll be nice, too.
So w-would you like me to be there when you tell the children? Oh, do we have to tell the children? I think they'll notice you're missing.
Can't you just tell them I'm taking a bath? Miss Fein, you'll be gone forever.
Tell me I'm puttin' on my make-up.
Children, Miss Fein has something to tell you.
Oh, sorry.
Go on.
I can't.
/ Oh, c'mon, Miss Fein.
It it won't be as hard as you think.
Well, remember Danny from the Bridal Shop? Oh, you mean that back-stabbing, two-timing creep? / Uh-huh.
Well, he's getting married and you're all invited.
Oh, that's great .
That'll be fun .
So where did he find that loser? I know, I know.
Oh, my God.
You're getting married? Well, that is going to be a problem.
Your closet's barely big enough for your clothes.
He's not moving in with her.
/ Well, that's not gonna be much of a marriage.
Wake up, twerp.
Fran's leaving us.
Don't worry, children, you still have Aunt C.
C.
Oh, c'mon, children.
You'll still be able to see Miss Fein.
Yeah, yeah, that's right, on all the major holidays.
We'll spend Christmas together, Fourth of July, the back room sale at Lohman's.
Oh, sure, we'll stay in touch for a while, but then you'll just forget us.
And we'll forget her.
Hey, kids, you know when I'm down in the dumps what cheers me up? A fifth of Scotch and a fresh pack of batteries? Oh, oh, Nanny Fein.
How I'll miss that wit.
No.
Actually, I was referring to singing.
"For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.
Which nobody can deny which nobody can deny .
" Oh, thank you so much.
We'll call you when hell freezes over.
What was wrong with her, sir? She has twenty years experience, speaks five languages, is a registered nurse.
She had no style.
No sense of humor.
And her hair was oddly flat.
You're right, sir.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Well, the truth is, Niles, I've come to depend on Miss Fein for everything.
Everything, sir? / Well, all those things I don't depend on you for.
Who could have known it would be so hard to say goodbye? Well, actually, it's not goodbye for me, sir.
Miss Fein is taking me miniature golfing next week.
I just wish to God there was some way to no, no.
It just wouldn't be right to interfere with Miss Fein's chance of happiness.
Yes after all, some of us only get one shot at it, don't we, sir? I was in love once.
I say I was in love once.
Oh, I'm sorry, Niles.
Do you want to tell me about it? It was Katherine, the housekeeper.
We never spoke of it, but there were signs.
A look, a wink, a shared laugh.
But I never did anything about it.
So she married someone else and I never saw her again.
Of course, no one ever knew.
/ Oh, good God, man, the whole house knew.
We were taking bets on when you two would get together.
The incredible thing is you let her get away.
Yes, I was remarkably stupid, wasn't I, sir? Why can't we just tell Fran not to go? / Because it's something she wants.
And since we're her friends, we should want it for her.
Can't you just offer her some more money? / Brighton! I have, it didn't work.
You never offered Katherine more money.
I could have had a life.
If Katherine had ever cleaned behind the refrigerator, you might.
This is good, we're all venting.
It'll make us feel better.
Oh, shut up, Gracie.
Wow, you're right.
I do feel better.
Oh, c'mon, everyone.
I know it's hard to say goodbye, but I want us all to act like grownups.
" nobody can deny, which nobody can deny.
" Why so glum? It's a happy occasion.
She's getting married.
Oh, you people are so selfish.
Miss Fein, may I help you with those? Maybe you could just take my make-up bag.
Oh.
Isn't anybody going to say anything? Hey, Frannie! C'mon, honey, I'm double parked down here! Oh, oh, he sounds charming! Look at her go.
/ The woman could deliver for Dominoes.
Yeah.
If she doesn't come hot, she's free.
Come in, come in.
She's all ready to go.
Hey, hey.
/ Oh, hi, Danny.
Hi .
Hey, hey, hey.
I just want you to meet my boss, Maxwell Sheffield.
This is Danny Imperiale.
How's it hangin'? / I beg your pardon? Oh we have a little bit of a language barrier here.
Mr.
Sheffield speaks English.
Come on, children, help me with the luggage.
Oh I'm gonna buy you a whole new set for the honeymoon.
These bags are so old.
It takes one to know one.
Dink, buy me a Coke.
Oh, you, scarecrow, I'm gonna miss most of all.
I'll get the rest of your things.
/ Yeah, thanks.
It's the powder blue van with Danny's Parisian Bride's For Less printed on both sides.
Oh, thank you.
We could have been wandering out there for hours.
Well, honey, take a last look around.
Your nanny days are over.
/ We'll certainly miss her.
You know, if you're in a little bit of a bind, I mean, I could work a few days a week.
Monday through Friday.
/ No way Danny Imperiale's wife is gonna take a job.
I thought you wanted me to work in the bridal shop? Yeah, but I wasn't gonna pay you.
Are you kidding? C'mon, honey, you're gonna be a lady of leisure.
You're just gonna cook and clean and take care of me and take care of the kids.
Oh, yabba-dabba-doo.
I don't have to walk Dino? Well, Miss Fein, is that everything? Yeah, I guess so.
Unless you wanna give me this one as a parting gift.
I wrote you a poem, Fran.
/ You did? "F" is for the fun we have together.
"R" is for the rummy that we play.
"A" is for the answers to my questions.
And "N" is for the nasal things you say.
Ohhhh.
.
We're all gonna miss that sound.
C'mon, honey, the tunnel is backin' up here.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I love you.
I love you.
I'll call you.
Brighton, don't you wanna give me a hug? / No, I hate you! Oh, c'mon, B.
You're not makin' this any easier on me.
Yeah, well, why should I? You're not makin' this very easy on us.
Now, Brighton, that's quite enough.
/ Well, he's right.
I mean, you told us to pretend like we're happy about this, but we're not.
We're losing our best friend.
You're telling them to lie about their feelings? I haven't even gone yet and you're already making mistakes? I did it for you.
You think it's easy for us to stand here and watch you walk out that door and throw your life away on that Neanderthal? Huh? Well, I'm sorry, old man, but .
/ Hey, hey, I'm younger than you.
Miss Fein all right, it's true.
The children will miss you.
I'll miss you.
But you've made us all so happy here we we just want you to be happy now.
I don't wanna go.
Do something, you big oaf! / You're damn right I will.
C'mon, honey, you're embarrassing me here.
Danny, I don't I don't wanna hurt you, but I think I've outgrown you.
No, honey, you're just wearin' heels.
Were you always this stupid? Yeah.
Nothin' changed.
Maybe you got a little smarter.
No, I think he was always this stupid.
Hey, are you dumping me? / No, I would never .
Hm, come to think of it, I think I am.
Gee, it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would.
Baby, I love you and you love me.
At least you love this, huh? And I still got it.
/ Yeah but I don't want it anymore.
No? / Hm-hm.
Well you want it? Two seconds.
Time heals all wounds.
Wait! We'll win her back! We can get flowers, perfume.
She needs a new car.
I'll pay for everything!!! Come on, everyone, let's celebrate! Four Seasons, and it's on me.
Oh, no.
My treat, my treat.
/ No, Miss Fein, I'm paying.
Oh, no.
I insist.
I'll use the money you gave me for the honeymoon.
Well, you didn't think you were ever gonna see that again, did you? Well, just consider it a bonus.
/ Thanks.
Welcome back, Miss Fein.
/ Thank you, Mr.
Sheffield.
It's good to be back.
/ I just I just hope you made the right decision.
I did.
Hi.
Ssh, don't say anything, but I just upgraded myself from coach.
I'm Fran Fein.
What's your name? / Jeff Sagansky, and this is my daughter, Gillion.
So, what do you do? / I develop shows for CBS.
Ooh-ha! You know, I'm a nanny, and a lot of people tell me that my life would make a great sitcom.
Stewardess, how many hours left on this flight? You see, I was workin' in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens, till my boyfriend kicked me out in one of those crushing scenes.
Well, where was I to go? What was I to do? I was out on my fanny, pardon my French .