The Proud Family (2001) s01e21 Episode Script

Can you believe this?
And what is that cornball music?
That's Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake".
My favorite.
What label does he record on?
I'm going to get his CD.
You know, Papi, I still
got a few moves myself.
Then move over there.
That was wonderful, Lacienega.
Those other girls won't
stand a chance against you
in the wizard
Kelly teen pageant.
Especially after I
boot their parents' cars
the day of the competition.
Now the key to grilling
meat, sticky, is the fire.
Yep.
Wouldn't it go a lot faster
if you just used that
lighter fluid over there?
Not even.
It taints the
flavor of the meat.
This is the way it's been done
since the dawn of time, sticky.
And once the fire's
burning, we go a-hunting.
We'll do what?
Just kidding.
But we would if our
wives would let us.
Would you mind putting
these fish fillets on the grill?
No, you are not putting
fish fillets on here.
Why not?
Tell 'em, Oscar.
This is a man's grill! ♪
And it wouldn't be nothin' ♪
without some
steaks and burgers ♪
but no fish! ♪
Let this be a
lesson to you, sticky.
Never marry.
Should I write that
down, Mr. Proud?
Are you mocking me, boy?
No, sir. But the
lighter fluid is
Just listen.
That's what you young
people need to learn how to do.
That's right. When older people
speak, you need to take notice.
Hey, Oscar Oscar!
Mama, can't you see
that we are talking?
Old people always
have to butt in
like we want to hear
what they've got to say.
Fine, let Felix's
house burn down then.
Burn down?!
The Proud family ♪
what? ♪
you and me will always be tight ♪
family, every
single day and night ♪
even when you
start acting like a fool ♪
you know I'm loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
and every day as I'm
heading off to school ♪
you know there's no
one I love as much as you ♪
family, a family ♪
Proud family ♪
they'll make you scream ♪
they'll make
you want to sing ♪
it's a family
thing, a family ♪
Proud, Proud family ♪
the Proud family ♪
they'll push your buttons ♪
and make you
want to hug them ♪
family, a family,
Proud, Proud family. ♪
Did you put it out?
It was just the Ivy.
Thanks, guys, but we
got this under control.
Step aside, please. This
is a job for professionals.
No, you don't
understand. The fire
Hey, you think I got
this hook on my arm
and this patch over my eye
because I don't understand fire?
Turn on the hoses!
No! My charo photos, no!
I'm happy to say sir that
the fire has been contained,
and there are no
reported injuries.
Yeah, except for the house.
It could have been worse.
You're lucky we
got here in time.
Our investigators have
determined that the fire was started
by a three-year-old
playing with matches.
We don't have a three-year-old.
Maybe someone with the
brain of a three-year-old.
Listen, smokey, it
was caused by a grill.
Did you say grill?
We may need to confiscate
that for the arson investigation.
All right, laddies, take
exhibit "a" down to the station
and save me a hot link.
Better yet, I'll escort this
little baby back personally.
Yes, that's good.
Just the way I like 'em free.
Remember, folks, only
you can prevent forest fires.
Our house is ruined.
Don't worry, mija.
- I'll have it repaired in two weeks.
- Two weeks?!
Well, I guess we'll have
to stay with my mother.
I don't think so.
Why don't you want
to stay with my mother?
I don't know, maybe because
every time we go over there
she says, " mija, you still not
married to that bum, are you?"
Well, we certainly can't
stay at your father's house.
Since he lives with us.
You could always stay with us.
After all, it was Oscar's fault.
Wait a minute. The only
thing I set on fire was some Ivy.
Look, we'll check into
a hotel. We'll be fine.
You will not.
That's nice, but we
don't want to put you out.
You're not putting us out.
If we can grill together
we can live together.
- What do you say, ladies?
- Works for me and Papi. Right, Papi?
I wonder if they have a room
at the retirement home.
Mom, did I hear you say they're
going to be staying with us?
Yes, you did.
Including Lacienega?
Now, Penny, stop it.
There's nothing wrong with Lacienega
and I expect you to be nice to her.
But you don't
understand. She hates me.
She's evil.
Thank you, Mrs. Proud
for allowing my family to stay
with you in our time of need.
We are eternally grateful.
You're welcome, Lacienega.
Well, if that's being evil
you should try it sometime.
Here we are, neighbors.
I thought you said a few things?
Hey, I only brought my 45s.
The rest of this stuff is
sunset's and Lacienega's.
No, this is our stuff.
Those crates are
Felix's records.
Don't worry They
won't be in the way.
- I brought my own jukebox.
- Jukebox?
Felix, we don't have room
Come on, I got Santana,
Richie Valens, Tierra.
Tierra?! Well, what
are we waiting for?
Let's get the party started.
Senorita! ♪
Do you think they'll
ever grow up?
My bad.
I'll get it off of you, man.
Get it off me! Get it off me!
Not a chance.
Get it off me!
Penny, baby, show Lacienega
where to put her things.
Okay, follow me.
I guess this is a
decent sized closet.
It'll be just big enough
for my wardrobe.
Now, where's the bedroom?
This is the bedroom.
- What's all this stuff?
- Don't touch that.
What is it?
My miss Wizard Kelly
teen pageant dress.
You might ruin it.
And we both know you
can't afford to replace it.
Well, unless you can
afford a hotel room
I'd advise you to
squash the conversation.
You know, I think we might get
along better if we divide the room.
We'd get along better
if you left the room.
Everything outside
the circle is mine.
Everything inside is yours.
I've got a better idea.
Everything inside
the room is mine
And everything outside
the window is yours.
Ow!
Oh, lighten up, Proud.
Let's call a truce. Friends?
Okay, friends.
Gotcha.
Dang! I can't stand you!
Mr. Proud, dad, I've
got one pancake left.
- Flip you for it, Oscar.
- Okay.
Oscar, what did I tell you
about playing with your food?
Felix started it.
- Did not.
- Did, too.
All right, boys, we have
enough babies in the house.
That's right.
And they're the cutest
babies in the whole universe.
Mommy, Mrs. Proud, I
saved two plates for you
and I made Penny's lunch.
I was trying to
wait for her, but
No, you go ahead.
And thanks for
breakfast, Lacienega.
Bye, everybody.
I love you.
- Bye.
- Bye, now.
Where's Lacienega?
She waited for you
as long as she could.
Penny, you're a wreck.
Why aren't you
dressed for school?
Because Lacienega turned off
my alarm so I'd wake up late.
Then she locked me
out of the bathroom.
I haven't even brushed my teeth.
Whoo, child's not
lying about that.
Her breath is kickin'.
Almost as bad as yours.
Penny, I can't imagine when
she would have had time to do this.
She was down
here the entire time.
She even fixed your lunch.
If you don't believe me check
the bathroom door for yourself.
Penny, this is ridiculous.
She locked me
out. I saw her do it.
Go ahead, daddy, use your key.
I don't have to.
It's already open.
I knew sooner or later her
daddy's genes would start kicking in.
I'm telling you guys
I don't know how
much more I can take.
It can't be that bad, Penny.
Yeah, Lacienega's cool.
No, she's not.
Everyone thinks she's little
miss perfect but I know better.
She's a selfish,
spoiled, neat freak.
If I have to hear about
that stupid beauty pageant
one more time, I'm
going to crown her myself.
Get a grip, Penny.
You daddy did burn
their house down.
So why do I have to pay?
I'm telling you,
the girl is evil.
Hey, roomie.
Hey, Lacienega. She's so fake.
She's not the only one.
Oh, Penny, you left this
morning without your lunch.
A Turkey sandwich.
I made it especially for you.
I also put cookies
and cake in there.
Uh I don't know what to say.
Thank you, Lacienega.
Oh, yeah, Penny,
she's a real witch.
So, what's up with
the beach gear?
That stupid swim test
is today, remember?
Swim test?! What swim test?!
Nobody told me
about a swim test!
Good afternoon, boys and girls.
- Hi, daddy.
- I told you "Coach" in public.
Okay, let's get
started, shall we?
Miss BouLevardez would you
mind sharing with the class
why you aren't dressed
in the proper attire?
I didn't know, coach Collins.
Well, there's an
extra suit in the back.
We'll wait while
you get changed.
I can't.
What's the excuse today?
Don't tell me you're
allergic to water.
No, it's just
In that case, I expect you
to put on that bathing suit
and get out here in five minutes
or I'll give you a failing grade.
But you can't do that.
If I fail, I can't participate in the
miss Wizard Kelly teen pageant.
You've got four minutes.
Now that miss BouLevardez has
finally joined us, we can begin.
Wait a minute.
Rule number one
No shoes allowed in the pool.
That was amazing.
BouLevardez, not only did you
pass you're on the swim team.
Heck, you are the swim team.
Hold it a minute.
I knew it was too
good to be true.
No fins allowed.
Coach daddy, those aren't
fins. Those are her feet.
Hey, everybody, it's flipper.
- Hey, Felix.
- Hey, Oscar, check this out.
Ah, those are my babies.
Give daddy some love.
Don't worry, daddy's got you.
- That's okay. I got you.
- You got them?
Why are my babies
calling you da-da?
It's just a nickname. Come on
They know who their daddy is.
Da-da. Da-da.
Trudy!
Oscar, I didn't know
you were home.
Well, did you know the kids
were calling Felix daddy?
Oh, Oscar, they
just can't say Felix.
That's what I told him.
Felix da-da.
You hear that? They said it.
- Oscar, calm down and relax.
- Okay, you're right.
I just need something to
eat. Thanks for the sandwich.
Oh, this isn't for
you. It's for Felix.
- For Felix?!
- Yeah, you know, "da-da."
I'll be right back with
your sandwich, baby.
And it better be just like his.
- No, bigger than his.
- Come on, chill, Oscar.
They just like
bouncing on my belly.
Are you saying I can't bounce
my own kids on my belly?
No, it's just that I got
more belly than you.
We'll see about that.
Get off me. Here go, okay.
Please, go to da-da.
I'm telling you guys,
she's not the same.
What's she upset about?
Girlfriend got the
best grade in the class.
She earned it.
She broke the Olympic
100 meter swimming record.
Shoot, homegirl broke
the 100 meter dash record.
I'm serious, guys.
Something is wrong.
For the past two days she's
been in my room crying all the time.
She let herself go.
And when I insult
her, she just takes it.
Shh. Here she comes.
You'll see what I
mean; Watch this.
Hey, Lacienega,
I hate the outfit.
See what I mean? Nothing.
She's taking all the
fun out of hating her.
You're right.
'Cause the old Lacienega
would've straight jacked you up.
Yeah, she's lost her spunk.
And she looked a mess.
No way she's going to
win that beauty pageant.
Oh, she's quitting the pageant.
I never thought I'd say this
but I like the old
Lacienega better.
Oscar, what are you doing?
Getting my babies
back from Felix.
What is he talking about, Felix?
Oh, he's just upset 'cause the kids like
playing with me and calling me daddy.
Basically, he's trippin'.
Isn't uncle Oscar
trippin', my little boo-boo?
Say goodbye to your little
boo-boos, you big boo-boo.
Come to papa.
Oscar, what do you have on?
What's wrong? Haven't you
ever seen a sucker suit before?
No, but I see a
no, it's too easy.
Okay, Bebe and Cece,
come to your lolli-pop!
That's it, man, I
am the candy man.
Come to da-da.
Someone get the dog off me!
Come on, Lacienega.
Let's talk about it.
What's going on, Penny?
It's Lacienega.
We had to take our swim
test the other day and, well
It's the foot thing
again, isn't it?
- Everybody laughed at her.
- Foot thing?
What foot thing?
Lacienega's a little "special."
- She's got feet like a duck.
- Felix!
Well, it's true.
Actually, they're more
like a hook-billed platypus.
You sound like
the kids at school.
She's right, Felix.
Well, year after year
it's the same thing.
Look, she comes from a
long line of big-footed people.
And you know what? She
should be Proud, okay?
My father had them.
My father's father had them.
My father's father's
father had them.
And you know what? Quack. Quack.
I got them, too.
You got big feet
like that, Papi?
Ooh wee! I'm in love.
Well, this time she's going to
have to work it out for herself.
It's not the end of the world.
She's acting like it is.
She's pulling out
of the pageant.
My poor baby.
- Come on, Felix.
- No, not this time.
I said, come on!
Yes, officer.
Well, I'm Proud of
you, miss Penny Proud.
I know Lacienega
isn't your favorite
but you were concerned anyway.
That's a sign of maturity.
Speaking of which,
why is Puff licking daddy?
Hey, somebody Get
the lollipop-licking dog
Good night, my little angels.
Your daddy loves you.
Ow!
Penny?
Penny, what's
wrong with Lacienega?
Same thing. I tried talking to
her but she wasn't hearing it.
Didn't her Mama
and daddy talk to her?
They made it worse.
Daddy, why don't
you try talking to her?
- What? Me?
- Yeah. Maybe she'll listen to you.
You and mom tell me stuff
all the time I think is stupid
until I hear it from
somebody else.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Wait a minute
Please, daddy, do it for me.
I've got to get
some sleep tonight.
Lacienega?
Leave me alone.
I just want to talk
to you for a second.
- You mind if I sit down?
- It's your house.
Look, Penny tells me you're thinking
about dropping out of the pageant.
What's the use? I won't win.
That doesn't sound
like the Lacienega I know.
Nobody likes me anymore.
It's these stupid feet!
Oh, now, come on. I
bet they're not so bad.
Whoa-whoa now!
Now, wait a minute.
Let's look on the bright side.
At least you can keep
yourself cool in the summer.
- That's not funny.
- Yes, it is.
Look at me. I got a big head, little
dinner-plate ears, roaming eyes.
If I turn sideways, I
disappear. Look at this: Presto.
See, I told you.
I'm different from you,
Penny, and everybody else
and I like it.
Don't you like being different?
Of course. If I weren't
I wouldn't be the most
popular girl in school.
That's right.
All I'm saying is you can
sit here and cry all you want
but you're still
going to be you.
So, you might as well
work with what you got.
These funny-looking ears?
This is how I got my wife.
She thought they were cute.
Oh, I've got a great idea.
For the pageant you
can do a swim routine.
That is a great idea.
How am I going to
get a pool on stage?
My dad will figure
something out.
I knew this was
going to cost me.
- You think it'll work?
- With those feet? Yeah.
And now, for our next contestant
in the Wizard Kelly
That would be me, y'all
Miss teen pageant
please welcome the lovely
miss Lacienega BouLevardez.
Give it up, y'all.
That's my girl.
Sit down, Felix, you're
embarrassing her.
That's my girl!
What is she doing?
Just watch, Mr. BouLevardez.
Ah!
That's my girl.
This year's miss wizard
Kelly teen queen is:
Miss Lacienega BouLevardez.
Give it up, y'all.
You like me.
You really, really like me.
First of all, I'd like to thank
my mother and
father for having me.
And I'd also like to thank
Mr. Proud for inspiring me
how to be different and showing
me how to wiggle my ears.
But most of all, I'd like to
thank my friend Penny Proud
for caring about me.
I couldn't have done
this without you, Penny.
She's the wizard
Kelly teen queen ♪
she's so fly as
she hit the scene ♪
and everyone who see her ♪
know what I mean ♪
she the wizard
Kelly teen queen ♪
All right, that was tight.
Show you right. Good night.
Thank you, Trudy for
putting up with my husband
for the past week.
Oh, it was nothing.
And, Penny, I want to thank you
again for what you did for Lacienega.
Oscar, my man,
anytime you want to be
a father to my daughter
go right ahead.
Thanks, Felix.
Anytime you want to play
da-da to my kids, go for it.
Isn't that beautiful?
Unlike you, yes.
Give me back my kids, man!
Lacienega, I'm kind of glad
we had these past few days
to get to know each other.
And I appreciate you giving me
that shout out at the pageant
When you called me your friend.
Oh, that was just for
the cameras, Proud.
I'm popular again, and
I have plenty of friends.
But if I need an extra
one, I'll let you know.
And by the way, it won't be you.
Well, all is well
that ends well.
Glad to see you and Lacienega
finally becoming friends.
I don't think so. I
cannot stand her.
But I've got to admit, I like
her much better this way.