Ultimate Spider-Man (2011) s01e21 Episode Script
I Am Spider-Man (25 min)
1x21 - I Am Spider-Man Ugh, that's right, it's the Trapster.
"Sergeant Sticky" strikes again.
You realize every time we fight, I win, right? I stick to my goals.
I'd like to wrap 'em up quick so we don't have to hear more lines like that.
Whoa! But it's a little complicated.
For one, he's got MJ.
What is the Trapster doing here? Here's what she normally looks like, in case you don't recognizer her in full freak-out mode.
How long before you graduate, red? Ew.
Creepy.
And why would you say that anyway? That is so wrong! Note to all super villains: MJ is not a strategic choice for hostage.
Get down! I never thought I'd do this, but it seemed like it was now or never.
My name is Peter Parker and I am Spider-Man.
My name is Peter Parker and I am Spider-Man.
Some ideas seem so right until after you do them.
How, you might wonder, did this whole "disastrophy" begin exactly? Join me, one week ago, when Whoa-ho.
Don't know exactly what I did, ladies, but it's nice to be appreciated.
When are the auditions? I'm so styked.
"Styked"? Is that a word? Huh.
"School musical auditions.
It's a wild wild web.
All singing, all dancing, all" Spider-Man? Written by Mary Jane Watson?! My first professional credit.
Well, semi-professional.
Okay, high school.
But it's a credit.
You wrote a Spider-Man show, MJ? Who better? The world thinks Spider-Man is a menace.
I know different.
My play can change the public's opinion about him.
Yeah, that's a nice thought.
But there's no telling what your director will do to your script.
"A Principal Coulson production.
Directed by Principal Coulson.
Songs by Principal Coulson.
" Ugh.
This can't be real.
Oh, it's real, Parker.
As real as Asgard.
Do you know one thing about high school musicals? I know the drama teacher got the mumps and someone had to fill in.
I intend to make this the best show since that one with all those cats I forgot the name.
Hey, what rhymes with "arachnid"? Please don't do Spidey.
There are way better choices for subjects.
Like "Mutant and the beast.
" "The thing and I.
" "Hulk school musical.
" Oh, pick anything else! Somebody in drama class chose Spider-Man.
Script's written.
Costume's sewn.
Done deal.
Not bad, but there's supposed to be a spider on the back.
Oh, didn't notice that.
Ooh! "Arachnid stay back, kid.
" That rhymes.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Not to use it for bad choreography.
- I won't do this.
- That's right.
You won't.
The risks to exposing your identity aside you're wrong for the part anyhow.
- I'm wrong for the part of me? - It's not you.
It's Spider-Man.
Who in the school would make a better Spider-Man than me? Next! Thank you very next! Next.
Next.
Next! Next! Next.
Next! Next.
Next! He'll never find anyone.
This thing is going away like a bad dream.
I'm Spider-Man, evildoer! And you just got bit! Great performance.
Perfect build.
That's our Spider-Man.
I'm Spider-Man! Yeah! Flash Thompson? He's been bullying me as long as I can remember.
Now he gets chosen to be me? Why does it have to be him? Ah, maybe because he looks better in your costume than you do? My costume? That's not my You gave him my costume?! Sam! Wanted to see that look on your face right there.
- That.
Priceless.
- This isn't funny, sparkplug! Oh, man.
Hysterical.
He'll take it off after auditions and you can switch 'em back.
No problemo.
Flash, wait up! Spider-Man waits for no one, doof.
Hey, Spidey.
You're so cool.
My hero.
Ah, I'm head costume guy and did you forget to hand yours in after school? Heard about this this called "method acting.
" Heh-heh! Whoa.
I'm gonna live Spider-Man Could you maybe make it 23/7 with one hour for laundry? Ooh, news crew! Perfect chance to advertise my new Spidey show.
The museum's ancient world exhibit closes this week Which gives you time to come see me! Spider-Man.
Live on stage at Midtown High.
How're you doin'? - Spider-Man? - Where? I don't know how you found out I was after this, but I won't waste this chance to stick it to you.
What's a hero to do? No costume.
The news watching.
Flash is me.
Don't just stand there! Let's go! - Parker? - Just pinned.
- I got it! - You're not Spider-Man.
Go get help.
I'm fine.
I'll wait here till you get back.
If you're fine, then this is a job for Spider-Man! If I don't think of a way out of this fast, it's gonna be curtains for Spider-Man Both of us.
Flash! Quit fighting and run! Trapster thinks you're Spider-Man.
- I really look that much like him, huh? - Not a compliment.
Aw, man.
This day's going from worst to worse.
At least I still have my web shooters.
I'm Spider-Man, evildoer.
Look out, lady! Wait.
How did I You won't get away from me! That might be true, if not for a little unseen help.
Oh, yeah.
Who's the hero? I'm Spider-Man, evildoer! And you just got bit! Yeah! Ha-ha! Yeah! Ah! Didn't see that coming.
Wanna see more action? Ha-ha! Come see Spidey on stage at Midtown High.
This ain't over, loud mouth! Yeah, you better run! Loser! Spidey! Midtown high.
Friday! Hey, hey.
Hey, how're you doin'? I'm the neighborhood Spider-Man here.
- So.
.
- Cut it out, Flash.
Psht.
Jealous much? You're luck to even be hanging around me, nerd.
You should be careful in that costume.
The Trapster isn't the only villain on Earth, you know? Trapster? Ha-ha.
Did you see me against him? I don't even know how I did what I did, but I got no problem with goofs like that.
Bring 'em! Now if I can just get my songs as good as my fighting skills, I'll be ready steady for Friday's show.
I will save you all by crawling up your wall and spinning spinning you a web that will not let you fall I'm Spider-Man! I spider am! I'm Spider-Man! If another villain does show up, he could just sing him to death.
See? You got your suit back no problem.
Just like I said.
Except that's not me.
It's Flash.
I was off-camera making him-slash-me look good.
Where's Coulson? Looking good on camera suddenly, Parker.
- Been working out? - That isn't me! Yesterday we saw a new, improved Spider-Man.
Doing minimal damage for once.
He even sent the villain packing with a jaunty turn of phrase I'm Spider-Man, evildoer! And you just got bit! That line I added to Watson's script is money.
Keep it.
My gift to you a new catch phrase.
You do know he can't sing a note, right? J.
Jonah Jameson? Who cares? Not Jameson! Flash! Then it's a good thing he has you for an understudy.
You made me his understudy? I'm your second choice to play myself? No, fifth.
But thanks to his quick-thinking plug Come see Spidey on stage at Midtown High! we're sold out, standing room only.
Things got no better up until opening night.
When they definitely got worse.
- Parker, you're Spider-Man.
- What? How did you I can't do it.
You have to go on tonight.
As much as I want to wear that costume or wash and wear it I'm honor-bound as understudy to tell you that you probably just have first-night jitters.
No.
I thought I'd sing better if I practiced, but I stink! I can't go out there.
People will laugh at me.
This whole thing was my idea to pay tribute to my idol - I I can't make him look bad.
- Wait.
Your idea? I did not see this coming, but it does make sense.
I wanted to be Spidey, honor him somehow.
- Is that weird? - Weird? Only in that you were a big-man-on-campus-bully-jerk and he's an outsider who uses powers to help people, - not cram them in lockers.
- What do you mean? I wouldn't abuse powers if I had 'em.
You don't even see it, do you? Flash, you're handsome, you're a star athlete.
You don't need to forcibly convince little guys like me.
We already admire you.
If you were nicer, we might respect you, too.
Ah, man.
You may be right.
And at the same time, you're still annoying.
You wanna be like Spider-Man? Be responsible for your choice.
Go out there and face something you'd rather shove in a locker.
Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
But first I'm gonna Not on the costume! - How's our Spider-Man? - Ah doing one last vocal exercise.
Didn't get any on the threads, Parker.
Thanks.
I feel like nothing can stop me now.
I'd better go dump this.
Break a leg.
Stick 'em up! Real Trapster, fake Spider-Man, how does this get any worse? What do you want from me? Oh, I just want your last day as Spider-Man to be fun For me.
Get me down from here! Or-or oh, I'm gonna hurl again.
- Not in the costume! - Another one? We are the Frightful Four! Who can help us? We need a hero.
Let's take this outside where no one gets hurt, Trapster.
After all your shameless promotions, spider-bug? I think we owe your adoring public a real show.
Hey, Trapster's not in my script.
Complication.
I wish this really was a play.
I could use an intermission right about now.
I wonder what will happen next.
I wonder if it's too late to ask for a refund? Act 3, scene 1.
High school auditorium.
Go! I think we owe your adoring public a real show.
Hey, Trapster's not in my script.
Is that the real Trapster? Yeah.
And the real me.
Don't worry.
I've got this.
I'm gonna write a new ending to your stupid play, kid.
I'm gonna grab the ropes and stuff to make it look less real.
Just keep playing.
We don't want to panic.
Second act fight music, play loud.
You're not even the real Spider-Man.
But I'm still gonna squash you good.
Would you guys stop making up lines? I put a lot of work into this, you know? Danny, Ava, Sam and Luke must be realizing I could use their help right about now.
This is better than I expected.
Well, you can thank me for the perfect costume.
The flying and action look almost real.
Real? Psh! Real boring.
Huh.
They like me.
They really like me.
See? It's not real.
You can see Flash swinging on the ropes and stuff.
Shh! So yeah, this is the scene you came in on.
You realize every time we fight, I win, right? I stick to my goals.
Whoa! Hey, is there any chance that's the real Trapster? Is there some chance that's the real Spider-Man? Shh! It's getting good.
They're so graceful.
Such talent.
- Nah.
- Nah.
Ah, how long before you graduate, red? Ew, creepy.
And why would you say that, anyway? That is so wrong! Let's get you to safety.
Keep playing.
I can't believe we're stuck back here.
Heh, glue joke.
This ought to gum up your works.
Guess you'll be sticking around.
Keep going.
- No, no.
- It's your solo.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- The show's not over.
Listen to that.
How can the show go on without me? Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, not that.
Na-uh.
"Keep playing.
We don't want to panic.
Don't worry.
I've got this.
" Deliver the goods, understudy.
Okay.
Okay! Fine.
I will save you all by crawling up your wall and spinning spinning you a web that will not let you fall I'm Spider-Man I spider am I am Spider-Man You don't have to ask the man behind this mask will answer answer every call I'm here to save you all I'm Spider-Man I spider am I am Spider-Man I'm Spider-Man, evildoer! And you just got bit! They think I'm Flash.
Even when he's not here, I'm still in that guy's shadow.
But I can't take off the mask like the script says because - then everyone would know I'm - Take the mask off.
It's a show.
My name is Peter Parker and I am Spider-Man.
Did we just sit out a real fight? - Peter? - Where's Flash? - What happened? - Peter and this guy went way off-script.
But of course the audience loved it.
I give up.
Not so tough now, are you? We want Flash! - We want Flash, not a science nerd! - Get off before we drag you off! Settle down! Settle down.
Glue guy tried to wreck the show.
My understudy here said "the show must go on" and somehow saved the night single-handedly.
So let's hear it for Peter Parker.
Man, he'd better thank me for making all this happen.
You realize you're doing something nice for me here, right? I got pushed around.
Didn't like it.
Maybe now I know how it feels to be you.
A little.
Wow.
I may have misjudged you, Flash.
If you work at it, I think you actually could be like me ah, Spider-Man.
- You think so? - You didn't hurl in the mask, did you? Okay, touchy-feely moment is over.
Now get off my stage so I can give these people - the thrill ride they paid for.
- What? You got your applause, but we both know what the public really wants.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
Maestro! Music! I will save you all by crawling up your wall and spinning spinning you a web that will not let you fall I'm Spider-Man I spider am I'm Spider-Man Feeling bad that not one, but two fake Spider-Men beat you? Please, make it stop.
Take me to jail.
Anything! I beg you! It's got five more verses.
Then I'll call the cops.
I thought the real Spider-Man was bad, but you kids you're just mean.
I'm Spider-Man I spider am I'm Spider-Man And that is they say is curtain.
"Sergeant Sticky" strikes again.
You realize every time we fight, I win, right? I stick to my goals.
I'd like to wrap 'em up quick so we don't have to hear more lines like that.
Whoa! But it's a little complicated.
For one, he's got MJ.
What is the Trapster doing here? Here's what she normally looks like, in case you don't recognizer her in full freak-out mode.
How long before you graduate, red? Ew.
Creepy.
And why would you say that anyway? That is so wrong! Note to all super villains: MJ is not a strategic choice for hostage.
Get down! I never thought I'd do this, but it seemed like it was now or never.
My name is Peter Parker and I am Spider-Man.
My name is Peter Parker and I am Spider-Man.
Some ideas seem so right until after you do them.
How, you might wonder, did this whole "disastrophy" begin exactly? Join me, one week ago, when Whoa-ho.
Don't know exactly what I did, ladies, but it's nice to be appreciated.
When are the auditions? I'm so styked.
"Styked"? Is that a word? Huh.
"School musical auditions.
It's a wild wild web.
All singing, all dancing, all" Spider-Man? Written by Mary Jane Watson?! My first professional credit.
Well, semi-professional.
Okay, high school.
But it's a credit.
You wrote a Spider-Man show, MJ? Who better? The world thinks Spider-Man is a menace.
I know different.
My play can change the public's opinion about him.
Yeah, that's a nice thought.
But there's no telling what your director will do to your script.
"A Principal Coulson production.
Directed by Principal Coulson.
Songs by Principal Coulson.
" Ugh.
This can't be real.
Oh, it's real, Parker.
As real as Asgard.
Do you know one thing about high school musicals? I know the drama teacher got the mumps and someone had to fill in.
I intend to make this the best show since that one with all those cats I forgot the name.
Hey, what rhymes with "arachnid"? Please don't do Spidey.
There are way better choices for subjects.
Like "Mutant and the beast.
" "The thing and I.
" "Hulk school musical.
" Oh, pick anything else! Somebody in drama class chose Spider-Man.
Script's written.
Costume's sewn.
Done deal.
Not bad, but there's supposed to be a spider on the back.
Oh, didn't notice that.
Ooh! "Arachnid stay back, kid.
" That rhymes.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Not to use it for bad choreography.
- I won't do this.
- That's right.
You won't.
The risks to exposing your identity aside you're wrong for the part anyhow.
- I'm wrong for the part of me? - It's not you.
It's Spider-Man.
Who in the school would make a better Spider-Man than me? Next! Thank you very next! Next.
Next.
Next! Next! Next.
Next! Next.
Next! He'll never find anyone.
This thing is going away like a bad dream.
I'm Spider-Man, evildoer! And you just got bit! Great performance.
Perfect build.
That's our Spider-Man.
I'm Spider-Man! Yeah! Flash Thompson? He's been bullying me as long as I can remember.
Now he gets chosen to be me? Why does it have to be him? Ah, maybe because he looks better in your costume than you do? My costume? That's not my You gave him my costume?! Sam! Wanted to see that look on your face right there.
- That.
Priceless.
- This isn't funny, sparkplug! Oh, man.
Hysterical.
He'll take it off after auditions and you can switch 'em back.
No problemo.
Flash, wait up! Spider-Man waits for no one, doof.
Hey, Spidey.
You're so cool.
My hero.
Ah, I'm head costume guy and did you forget to hand yours in after school? Heard about this this called "method acting.
" Heh-heh! Whoa.
I'm gonna live Spider-Man Could you maybe make it 23/7 with one hour for laundry? Ooh, news crew! Perfect chance to advertise my new Spidey show.
The museum's ancient world exhibit closes this week Which gives you time to come see me! Spider-Man.
Live on stage at Midtown High.
How're you doin'? - Spider-Man? - Where? I don't know how you found out I was after this, but I won't waste this chance to stick it to you.
What's a hero to do? No costume.
The news watching.
Flash is me.
Don't just stand there! Let's go! - Parker? - Just pinned.
- I got it! - You're not Spider-Man.
Go get help.
I'm fine.
I'll wait here till you get back.
If you're fine, then this is a job for Spider-Man! If I don't think of a way out of this fast, it's gonna be curtains for Spider-Man Both of us.
Flash! Quit fighting and run! Trapster thinks you're Spider-Man.
- I really look that much like him, huh? - Not a compliment.
Aw, man.
This day's going from worst to worse.
At least I still have my web shooters.
I'm Spider-Man, evildoer.
Look out, lady! Wait.
How did I You won't get away from me! That might be true, if not for a little unseen help.
Oh, yeah.
Who's the hero? I'm Spider-Man, evildoer! And you just got bit! Yeah! Ha-ha! Yeah! Ah! Didn't see that coming.
Wanna see more action? Ha-ha! Come see Spidey on stage at Midtown High.
This ain't over, loud mouth! Yeah, you better run! Loser! Spidey! Midtown high.
Friday! Hey, hey.
Hey, how're you doin'? I'm the neighborhood Spider-Man here.
- So.
.
- Cut it out, Flash.
Psht.
Jealous much? You're luck to even be hanging around me, nerd.
You should be careful in that costume.
The Trapster isn't the only villain on Earth, you know? Trapster? Ha-ha.
Did you see me against him? I don't even know how I did what I did, but I got no problem with goofs like that.
Bring 'em! Now if I can just get my songs as good as my fighting skills, I'll be ready steady for Friday's show.
I will save you all by crawling up your wall and spinning spinning you a web that will not let you fall I'm Spider-Man! I spider am! I'm Spider-Man! If another villain does show up, he could just sing him to death.
See? You got your suit back no problem.
Just like I said.
Except that's not me.
It's Flash.
I was off-camera making him-slash-me look good.
Where's Coulson? Looking good on camera suddenly, Parker.
- Been working out? - That isn't me! Yesterday we saw a new, improved Spider-Man.
Doing minimal damage for once.
He even sent the villain packing with a jaunty turn of phrase I'm Spider-Man, evildoer! And you just got bit! That line I added to Watson's script is money.
Keep it.
My gift to you a new catch phrase.
You do know he can't sing a note, right? J.
Jonah Jameson? Who cares? Not Jameson! Flash! Then it's a good thing he has you for an understudy.
You made me his understudy? I'm your second choice to play myself? No, fifth.
But thanks to his quick-thinking plug Come see Spidey on stage at Midtown High! we're sold out, standing room only.
Things got no better up until opening night.
When they definitely got worse.
- Parker, you're Spider-Man.
- What? How did you I can't do it.
You have to go on tonight.
As much as I want to wear that costume or wash and wear it I'm honor-bound as understudy to tell you that you probably just have first-night jitters.
No.
I thought I'd sing better if I practiced, but I stink! I can't go out there.
People will laugh at me.
This whole thing was my idea to pay tribute to my idol - I I can't make him look bad.
- Wait.
Your idea? I did not see this coming, but it does make sense.
I wanted to be Spidey, honor him somehow.
- Is that weird? - Weird? Only in that you were a big-man-on-campus-bully-jerk and he's an outsider who uses powers to help people, - not cram them in lockers.
- What do you mean? I wouldn't abuse powers if I had 'em.
You don't even see it, do you? Flash, you're handsome, you're a star athlete.
You don't need to forcibly convince little guys like me.
We already admire you.
If you were nicer, we might respect you, too.
Ah, man.
You may be right.
And at the same time, you're still annoying.
You wanna be like Spider-Man? Be responsible for your choice.
Go out there and face something you'd rather shove in a locker.
Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
But first I'm gonna Not on the costume! - How's our Spider-Man? - Ah doing one last vocal exercise.
Didn't get any on the threads, Parker.
Thanks.
I feel like nothing can stop me now.
I'd better go dump this.
Break a leg.
Stick 'em up! Real Trapster, fake Spider-Man, how does this get any worse? What do you want from me? Oh, I just want your last day as Spider-Man to be fun For me.
Get me down from here! Or-or oh, I'm gonna hurl again.
- Not in the costume! - Another one? We are the Frightful Four! Who can help us? We need a hero.
Let's take this outside where no one gets hurt, Trapster.
After all your shameless promotions, spider-bug? I think we owe your adoring public a real show.
Hey, Trapster's not in my script.
Complication.
I wish this really was a play.
I could use an intermission right about now.
I wonder what will happen next.
I wonder if it's too late to ask for a refund? Act 3, scene 1.
High school auditorium.
Go! I think we owe your adoring public a real show.
Hey, Trapster's not in my script.
Is that the real Trapster? Yeah.
And the real me.
Don't worry.
I've got this.
I'm gonna write a new ending to your stupid play, kid.
I'm gonna grab the ropes and stuff to make it look less real.
Just keep playing.
We don't want to panic.
Second act fight music, play loud.
You're not even the real Spider-Man.
But I'm still gonna squash you good.
Would you guys stop making up lines? I put a lot of work into this, you know? Danny, Ava, Sam and Luke must be realizing I could use their help right about now.
This is better than I expected.
Well, you can thank me for the perfect costume.
The flying and action look almost real.
Real? Psh! Real boring.
Huh.
They like me.
They really like me.
See? It's not real.
You can see Flash swinging on the ropes and stuff.
Shh! So yeah, this is the scene you came in on.
You realize every time we fight, I win, right? I stick to my goals.
Whoa! Hey, is there any chance that's the real Trapster? Is there some chance that's the real Spider-Man? Shh! It's getting good.
They're so graceful.
Such talent.
- Nah.
- Nah.
Ah, how long before you graduate, red? Ew, creepy.
And why would you say that, anyway? That is so wrong! Let's get you to safety.
Keep playing.
I can't believe we're stuck back here.
Heh, glue joke.
This ought to gum up your works.
Guess you'll be sticking around.
Keep going.
- No, no.
- It's your solo.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- The show's not over.
Listen to that.
How can the show go on without me? Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, not that.
Na-uh.
"Keep playing.
We don't want to panic.
Don't worry.
I've got this.
" Deliver the goods, understudy.
Okay.
Okay! Fine.
I will save you all by crawling up your wall and spinning spinning you a web that will not let you fall I'm Spider-Man I spider am I am Spider-Man You don't have to ask the man behind this mask will answer answer every call I'm here to save you all I'm Spider-Man I spider am I am Spider-Man I'm Spider-Man, evildoer! And you just got bit! They think I'm Flash.
Even when he's not here, I'm still in that guy's shadow.
But I can't take off the mask like the script says because - then everyone would know I'm - Take the mask off.
It's a show.
My name is Peter Parker and I am Spider-Man.
Did we just sit out a real fight? - Peter? - Where's Flash? - What happened? - Peter and this guy went way off-script.
But of course the audience loved it.
I give up.
Not so tough now, are you? We want Flash! - We want Flash, not a science nerd! - Get off before we drag you off! Settle down! Settle down.
Glue guy tried to wreck the show.
My understudy here said "the show must go on" and somehow saved the night single-handedly.
So let's hear it for Peter Parker.
Man, he'd better thank me for making all this happen.
You realize you're doing something nice for me here, right? I got pushed around.
Didn't like it.
Maybe now I know how it feels to be you.
A little.
Wow.
I may have misjudged you, Flash.
If you work at it, I think you actually could be like me ah, Spider-Man.
- You think so? - You didn't hurl in the mask, did you? Okay, touchy-feely moment is over.
Now get off my stage so I can give these people - the thrill ride they paid for.
- What? You got your applause, but we both know what the public really wants.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
Maestro! Music! I will save you all by crawling up your wall and spinning spinning you a web that will not let you fall I'm Spider-Man I spider am I'm Spider-Man Feeling bad that not one, but two fake Spider-Men beat you? Please, make it stop.
Take me to jail.
Anything! I beg you! It's got five more verses.
Then I'll call the cops.
I thought the real Spider-Man was bad, but you kids you're just mean.
I'm Spider-Man I spider am I'm Spider-Man And that is they say is curtain.