Wabbit - A Looney Tunes Production (2016) s01e21 Episode Script
Your Bunny or Your Life/Misjudgment Day
1 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) Going down the rabbit hole Where we're going no one knows Obstacles 'round every bend Let's see where the tunnel ends I should be home soon, Squeaks.
- You need anything while I'm out? - (TALKS INDISTINCTLY) A lottery ticket? Oh, sure thing! - What are your numbers? - (DISTURBANCE) - (BEEPS) - What the Hello? My phone died! I just charged this thing.
I can't believe Whoa! You nearly gave me a heart attack! And on top of that look what you did to my phone! I just got it, too.
Hey! Hey! - (CELL PHONE BEEPS) -RECORDED VOICE: What would you like to do? (GRUNTING) RECORDED VOICE: Send photo to Squeaks.
You wouldn't dare! - (CELL PHONE BEEPS) -RECORDED VOICE: Photo sent to Squeaks.
You are a bad person.
Hey! What did you do to my window? You goth freaks really are something else! Wait! I promised my pal Squeaks that I'd get him a lottery ticket.
One, please.
(GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Feeling lethargic, apathetic, and having difficulties smiting pesky rabbits? Well, we have this new health drink loaded with oxygen and chock full of Swiss mountain air.
Here, try some.
(SLURPS) (GRUNTS) If you like it, we're having a special today for only $4.
99.
Wait! (STAMMERS) Are you interested in getting more value for your money for another special of two for $9? I'm sorry, did I forget to mention our three for $12 promotion today? Or four for $15? Or five for $17, six for $20, 12 for $35, 20 for $40, 50 for $100, 167 for $324, 207 for $409, 512 for $689, $718, 356? Let me get that for you, sir.
Oh, there you go.
Oh, and did I mention, for a limited time, if you buy 999 bottles, you get the 1,000th free.
TV ANCHOR: Yes, folks, it's time to announce the winning lottery numbers! And here they come.
The winning numbers are One, three, one, three and thirteen! (GASPS) (HOWLING) All right, all right.
Here is he, folks! The big winner! (CHEERING) Today's big jackpot lottery winner! So tell us, what are you going to do with the money? (GRUNTING) And will you be giving any to charity? (GRUNTING) Okay, then! Well, I think it's time for the check presentation.
Melissa, would you come on over here, please? - Now, big smiles now! - (CAMERA CLICKING) (LAUGHS) Could we have one more photo over here? BUGS: Yoo-hoo! - (GRUNTS) - WOMAN: Say cheese! - (CAMERA CLICKS) - (PEOPLE CHEERING) - (GRUNTING) - WOMAN: Over here! (TRAIN HORN BLOWING) It's 5:15.
Right on schedule.
That should do it.
Well, sayonara, bony britches.
(TRAIN PASSING) (GROANING) (TRAIN PASSING) (GROANING) (PANTING) Phew! Well, I guess that's the last time I'll be seeing Mr.
Tall, Dark and Gruesome.
Now, now, let's not be so high and smite-y.
(GRUNTS) No excuses, sir.
Even millionaires have to pay their taxes.
(GRUNTING) Well, I guess there's two things in life you just can't cheat.
Bugs and taxes.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES) (GASPS) BUGS: "Astrophysicists and scientists alike" "are baffled at the uncommon amount of atomic anomalies" "transpiring within the past few days.
" Huh, what do you know, life is becoming more like science fiction every day.
"These anomalies" ROBOT: Directive, destroy Bugs Bunny.
Civilian from the present, I come from the future.
Are you Bugs Bunny? (BEEPING) No match.
BUSH: Phew! (BARKS) Civilian from the present, I come from the future.
Are you Bugs Bunny? (BEEPING) No match.
Destroy Bugs Bunny.
Hmm, according to this article, nobody reads newspapers anymore.
(BEEPING) (DINGS) Match.
Destroy Bugs Bunny.
Eh, what's up, doc? Are you Bugs Bunny? - Who's asking? - I come from the future and Let me guess, you missed your left turn to Albuquerque? No, I was sent here to - Save me? - No! - Employ me? - No! - Interview me? - No! - Friend me? - No! - Mentor me? - No.
- Adopt? - No.
- Nurture? - No.
- Reference? - No.
Well, tin-man, what were you sent here to do? Destroy Bugs Bunny.
Gunning for Bugs Bunny negative.
So now I have a robot who wants to zap lightning at me? Well, how else am I going to spend a Thursday afternoon? Hmm Uh Ah! Oh, I got this.
BUGS: Yoo-hoo! Well, hello, Chromeo.
(GIGGLES) Ain't you a tall drink of quicksilver? Oh, the strong, silent type.
Mother always warned me about men like you.
"Stay away from the bad boys," she'd always say.
But that just made me like them more.
(GIGGLES) Destroy Bugs Bunny.
Is something wrong, dear? You've become so cold and distant, lately.
Ow! Sheesh! Look like it's time for plan B.
(GROANING) You got me! Are you there, doc? Everything's going dark.
(GROANING) You can let go now.
(BARKS) Oh, hello, giant robot.
I know you got a hair trigger, but you should really check your calendar before you zap me.
Because it's not rabbit season, it's wombat season.
Or it's Wait for it.
Robot season.
I'm gonna have to go deep into my playbook for this guy.
Huh, "Fast talk and confusion"? No.
"Dress like a lady"? Nix that.
"It's getting dark"? Uh-huh.
"End of rabbit season"? Epic fail.
Don't tell me I've got nothing.
This guy knows every play in my playbook.
Of course he knows all my plays.
He's a computer from the future.
He's probably got all my plays in his database.
So how do I beat a computer who knows my every move? Wait a minute! Looks like it's time to crash his party.
Hey, 3PO.
Special delivery, Mr.
Robot.
A Mr.
Shiny Robot.
There you go.
Hey, shut the door, sonny! We're not heating the neighborhood.
(SPEAKING FAKE GERMAN) Ta-ta! Oh, I got a bite, doc.
Mind your booties, you land lubber.
Hey, don't open that! Eh, go on, it's your package, ain't it? Yet you don't know what be in that chest, matey.
It could be a trap.
Well, sonny, there's only one way to find out.
- Go for it! - No! - Yes! - Better not! - Better so! - Yes! No! No means yes! (ALL TALKING AT ONCE) Hey, anybody home? Hello? You've won this round, Bugs Bunny, but I will return.
(CROAKS) (CLOSING THEME PLAYING)
- You need anything while I'm out? - (TALKS INDISTINCTLY) A lottery ticket? Oh, sure thing! - What are your numbers? - (DISTURBANCE) - (BEEPS) - What the Hello? My phone died! I just charged this thing.
I can't believe Whoa! You nearly gave me a heart attack! And on top of that look what you did to my phone! I just got it, too.
Hey! Hey! - (CELL PHONE BEEPS) -RECORDED VOICE: What would you like to do? (GRUNTING) RECORDED VOICE: Send photo to Squeaks.
You wouldn't dare! - (CELL PHONE BEEPS) -RECORDED VOICE: Photo sent to Squeaks.
You are a bad person.
Hey! What did you do to my window? You goth freaks really are something else! Wait! I promised my pal Squeaks that I'd get him a lottery ticket.
One, please.
(GRUNTS) (CHUCKLES) Feeling lethargic, apathetic, and having difficulties smiting pesky rabbits? Well, we have this new health drink loaded with oxygen and chock full of Swiss mountain air.
Here, try some.
(SLURPS) (GRUNTS) If you like it, we're having a special today for only $4.
99.
Wait! (STAMMERS) Are you interested in getting more value for your money for another special of two for $9? I'm sorry, did I forget to mention our three for $12 promotion today? Or four for $15? Or five for $17, six for $20, 12 for $35, 20 for $40, 50 for $100, 167 for $324, 207 for $409, 512 for $689, $718, 356? Let me get that for you, sir.
Oh, there you go.
Oh, and did I mention, for a limited time, if you buy 999 bottles, you get the 1,000th free.
TV ANCHOR: Yes, folks, it's time to announce the winning lottery numbers! And here they come.
The winning numbers are One, three, one, three and thirteen! (GASPS) (HOWLING) All right, all right.
Here is he, folks! The big winner! (CHEERING) Today's big jackpot lottery winner! So tell us, what are you going to do with the money? (GRUNTING) And will you be giving any to charity? (GRUNTING) Okay, then! Well, I think it's time for the check presentation.
Melissa, would you come on over here, please? - Now, big smiles now! - (CAMERA CLICKING) (LAUGHS) Could we have one more photo over here? BUGS: Yoo-hoo! - (GRUNTS) - WOMAN: Say cheese! - (CAMERA CLICKS) - (PEOPLE CHEERING) - (GRUNTING) - WOMAN: Over here! (TRAIN HORN BLOWING) It's 5:15.
Right on schedule.
That should do it.
Well, sayonara, bony britches.
(TRAIN PASSING) (GROANING) (TRAIN PASSING) (GROANING) (PANTING) Phew! Well, I guess that's the last time I'll be seeing Mr.
Tall, Dark and Gruesome.
Now, now, let's not be so high and smite-y.
(GRUNTS) No excuses, sir.
Even millionaires have to pay their taxes.
(GRUNTING) Well, I guess there's two things in life you just can't cheat.
Bugs and taxes.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES) (GASPS) BUGS: "Astrophysicists and scientists alike" "are baffled at the uncommon amount of atomic anomalies" "transpiring within the past few days.
" Huh, what do you know, life is becoming more like science fiction every day.
"These anomalies" ROBOT: Directive, destroy Bugs Bunny.
Civilian from the present, I come from the future.
Are you Bugs Bunny? (BEEPING) No match.
BUSH: Phew! (BARKS) Civilian from the present, I come from the future.
Are you Bugs Bunny? (BEEPING) No match.
Destroy Bugs Bunny.
Hmm, according to this article, nobody reads newspapers anymore.
(BEEPING) (DINGS) Match.
Destroy Bugs Bunny.
Eh, what's up, doc? Are you Bugs Bunny? - Who's asking? - I come from the future and Let me guess, you missed your left turn to Albuquerque? No, I was sent here to - Save me? - No! - Employ me? - No! - Interview me? - No! - Friend me? - No! - Mentor me? - No.
- Adopt? - No.
- Nurture? - No.
- Reference? - No.
Well, tin-man, what were you sent here to do? Destroy Bugs Bunny.
Gunning for Bugs Bunny negative.
So now I have a robot who wants to zap lightning at me? Well, how else am I going to spend a Thursday afternoon? Hmm Uh Ah! Oh, I got this.
BUGS: Yoo-hoo! Well, hello, Chromeo.
(GIGGLES) Ain't you a tall drink of quicksilver? Oh, the strong, silent type.
Mother always warned me about men like you.
"Stay away from the bad boys," she'd always say.
But that just made me like them more.
(GIGGLES) Destroy Bugs Bunny.
Is something wrong, dear? You've become so cold and distant, lately.
Ow! Sheesh! Look like it's time for plan B.
(GROANING) You got me! Are you there, doc? Everything's going dark.
(GROANING) You can let go now.
(BARKS) Oh, hello, giant robot.
I know you got a hair trigger, but you should really check your calendar before you zap me.
Because it's not rabbit season, it's wombat season.
Or it's Wait for it.
Robot season.
I'm gonna have to go deep into my playbook for this guy.
Huh, "Fast talk and confusion"? No.
"Dress like a lady"? Nix that.
"It's getting dark"? Uh-huh.
"End of rabbit season"? Epic fail.
Don't tell me I've got nothing.
This guy knows every play in my playbook.
Of course he knows all my plays.
He's a computer from the future.
He's probably got all my plays in his database.
So how do I beat a computer who knows my every move? Wait a minute! Looks like it's time to crash his party.
Hey, 3PO.
Special delivery, Mr.
Robot.
A Mr.
Shiny Robot.
There you go.
Hey, shut the door, sonny! We're not heating the neighborhood.
(SPEAKING FAKE GERMAN) Ta-ta! Oh, I got a bite, doc.
Mind your booties, you land lubber.
Hey, don't open that! Eh, go on, it's your package, ain't it? Yet you don't know what be in that chest, matey.
It could be a trap.
Well, sonny, there's only one way to find out.
- Go for it! - No! - Yes! - Better not! - Better so! - Yes! No! No means yes! (ALL TALKING AT ONCE) Hey, anybody home? Hello? You've won this round, Bugs Bunny, but I will return.
(CROAKS) (CLOSING THEME PLAYING)