Who's the Boss? (1984) s01e21 Episode Script

Five, four, three, two, one.
- Now! - Go, go, go, go.
- All right! - Ready? - Ready.
- Here we go, guys.
- Here we go.
- They look so good.
Get in there.
Perfect.
Perfect.
I want you to know I could not have done this without you.
Fresh blueberry muffins, what a wonderfuI way to start the day.
- Not your day.
- How come? These are for Sam.
Her sixth grade bake sale.
Dad, this is Connecticut.
It's a patisserie sale.
Oh, excuse me.
" Patisserie.
" Well, they certainly look good.
- Walnuts? - Macadamias.
Fresh blueberries? Maybe we should let her have one.
Why, thank you, darling.
At least one of you has a heart.
That will be 50 cents.
These are delicious.
Good.
I'm glad you like them but you've got a piece of blueberry stuck between your teeth.
Oh, I'll get it.
- Hi, Marci.
- Hey, Marci.
Hi, Samantha.
Hi, Mrs.
Bower.
Hello, Dr.
Ferguson.
How nice to see you.
Excuse me.
I have to go use the Waterpik.
I'd better get it for you.
I was giving my gerbiI a shower.
Let's get this stuff to the patisserie sale.
My trunk's filled with chocolate chip croissants.
- Chocolate chip? - You'd better hurry.
I don't know how long I can hold her back.
- Dr.
Ferguson, this is my dad.
- Tony Micelli.
Marci told me so much about you.
You played second base for the Cardinals.
- Yeah.
Are you a baseball fan? - The biggest.
I always wanted to be a ballplayer, but my mother said I had to be a doctor.
Tough break.
You should see my dad's baseball collection.
- Oh, yeah? - He's got a bat signed by Willie Mays.
And a beer bottle signed by Bob Uecker.
That's nothing.
Listen to this.
My dad has got a baseball signed by all the '62 Mets.
You're kidding.
Well, my dad got it for me when I was just a little kid.
If you ever wanna part with it, maybe we could work out a trade.
How about a free triple bypass? Tempting, very tempting.
Did you ask your dad to sign the permission slip? What permission slip? Well, Dad WonderfuI Dad, do you know you're my favourite father? I'm your favourite father? This should be good.
- Okay, Sam, what is it? - Well Okay, here it goes.
Can I join the ski club? It's gonna be great.
We're going to Vermont over Easter vacation and staying at the San Moritz.
Oh, the San Moritz, huh? Well, I mean, I don't know, Sam.
Oh, please, Dad? Everyone's going.
Oh, well, Sam, skiing- Skiing's not your sport.
You slide into third, not into trees.
Let me think about it.
But Mr.
Micelli, today's the last day.
Honey, if Tony doesn't want her to go, I'm sure he has his reasons, okay? Oh, I get it.
Well, maybe we could pay for it.
No, wait a minute.
It's not the money.
I was afraid that Sam wouldn't want to miss her Easter egg hunt.
Dad, you always find all the eggs anyway.
All right, hey, you wanna go skiing? Give me that slip.
This is gonna be great.
Schussing down those slopes with the wind in my hair putting on goggles and ChapStick.
- I can see it now.
- Go schuss, Suzy.
I always wanted to be a downhill racer.
- But your mother - Right.
Hey, can I get a ride with you guys? Okay, but we're gonna be talking about boys.
Oh, brother.
You can sit up front with me.
We can talk about surgery.
- Bye-bye, doc.
- Bye-bye, Tony.
- Bye, Marci.
- Thank you, Dad.
- You're welcome.
- I love you.
Oh, yeah.
Much better, much better.
Yeah.
Did you wash behind your ears? Oh, Tony, come on, I've got to catch my train.
Don't forget to pick up the dry cleaning and don't forget, this is $200 for the chimney sweep.
For the chimney sweep? There was one other thing.
What was it? - Take Jonathan to the Cub Scouts.
- Don't forget that either.
Hey, look at this.
$250 for one week of skiing.
$250 for a week of skiing? That's a very good deaI.
I'd go if I were you.
" I'd go if I were you.
" I'm gonna send my daughter skiing.
Two hundred and fifty dollars.
Chim chiminey, chim chiminey Chim chim cher-ee She's going skiing 'Cause I got the money Hey, Tony, what are you doing up here? Hi, Mone.
Sam's going skiing.
Shouldn't she start on the bunny slope? Not here, Mona.
In Vermont.
I'm doing this so I can afford to send her.
I love ski trips.
- Oh, yeah? I didn't know you skied.
- I don't, but I'm legend in the hot tubs.
I bet you are.
Yeah.
Hey, Mone, something's stuck here.
I don't know what it is.
Well, did you open the flue? Yeah, but I might have knocked it closed.
I'll go down and check.
Oh, hey.
There's Mrs.
Wilmington talking to her gardener, Gus.
- Only thing is, they ain't talking.
- Oh, yeah? What are they doing? I think he's putting in some perennials.
I never heard it called that before.
Oh, hi, Mrs.
Wilmington.
Hi, Gus.
Nice hollyhocks.
Tony? Can you hear me? Yeah, Mone! I don't see what the problem is.
The flue is open.
Something's stuck, Mone.
Let me give it a whack.
I'll get out now.
That did it.
Boy, it's clear as a bell now.
Mone? Mona? What happened? Well, I'm all ready for Ash Wednesday.
Don't move, Mona.
Let me try to clean you up.
Oh, man.
I think I'd better take a shower.
Yeah, well, "soot" yourself.
Look at this place.
Angela's gonna kill me! Well, you know Angela.
Maybe she won't notice.
Mona, you think- You think these chairs'll fit in the washing machine? The rug's gonna have to be professionally cleaned.
There goes all the money I saved cleaning this dumb chimney.
So long, ski trip.
Hi, Tony.
I'm home.
Hello, Angela.
- How was your day? Let me get that.
- Oh, thank you.
Well, it was- - What's the matter? - It was a lot like most days.
- What's going on? - Oh, nothing.
Same old grind.
I'm cooking up dinner.
Your favourite: rack of lamb.
I know you like that stuff.
- Sounds delicious.
- Yeah, yeah.
What are those sheets doing on the chairs? - What sheets? - These sheets.
- Oh, those sheets.
Let me- - Why is the rug rolled up? - What rug? - This rug.
Does all this have to do with the chimney sweep? Funny you should mention "chimney sweep.
" Oh, my stars, I don't believe it.
Yeah, I'm having a hard time with it myself.
Look at this mess.
And this man calls himself a chimney sweep? What's in a title? That is what's wrong with America today.
Shoddy, inept work like this.
No pride in workmanship.
This is incompetence.
That's what this is.
Sheer incompetence! " Incompetence" is such a strong word.
What would you call it? Nice try? Tony, what kind of an idiot would do this? Did the man have a brain the size of a pea? Oh, Angela, well Angela, my goodness, I guess Tony told you how we cleaned the chimney? I beg your pardon? - I did this.
- You did this? Well, now, Angela, Angela, don't go crazy or anything.
The poor man was just trying to earn a few dollars so he could send his little girI on a ski trip.
Mona, forget about it.
She's right.
I'm an idiot with a brain the size of a pea.
Well, Tony I didn't mean those small little peas.
Tony, what on earth would give you the idea that you could clean the chimney? I saw Mary Poppins three times.
I don't know.
I guess I wasn't using the old pea.
I just wanted to give Sam some of the things like Marci's father gives to her but I can't, because he's a big-time surgeon and I'm a lousy housekeeper.
Oh, Tony, you're not.
You're a wonderfuI housekeeper.
You're just a lousy chimney sweep.
Hey, guys.
I didn't do it, Mom.
I was at the Cub Scouts.
- Wasn't I, Tony? - Yes, Jonathan.
What happened? Did the vacuum cleaner throw up? Sam - that was a good joke.
- Yeah.
But, the truth is, is that your dad blew it.
I think you're gonna have to forget about your ski trip.
- But, Dad, you promised.
- I know, but I ran into a little problem.
But, Dad, I told everybody I could go.
What do I say to them? I don't know.
I guess you're gonna have to tell the truth.
We can't afford it.
- That's not fair.
- I know but I don't make the money these people make in Connecticut.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm sorry too.
I'm sorry we ever came here.
Well, Angela, I'm going back to my apartment now but before I do, could I borrow a cup of granola? Of course you can borrow a cup of granola.
You can borrow the whole bag.
Would you like to borrow a leg of lamb? Well, that's very generous of you.
Oh- Thanks.
By the way, I'm going to bring down that shirt that you wanted to borrow.
What shirt? Oh, yes, that shirt.
You know, that's the way we are around here.
Borrow, borrow, borrow.
I know, I know, I know, but I know what yous are up to.
It's reaI nice, but I can't take your money.
Tony, you don't have to take the money.
It's a loan.
- What kind of loan? - A friendly loan.
No interest payments.
No interest payments? Yeah? When would I have to pay this back? You wouldn't.
No interest payments, and I don't gotta pay it back? Where were you when Uncle Vinnie's car wash went under? Look, Angela, it just ain't right.
I can't take your money.
Now, Angela, I told you.
He's too proud to take your money - and you ought to respect that.
- Thank you, Mona.
So will you take mine? - What are you doing? - I'm not going skiing, that's for sure.
Well, maybe you can.
Here.
You can have all the money in my bank.
Oh, Jonathan, that's so sweet, but you don't have enough money in there.
Oh, yes, I do.
How do you want it? Are 20s okay? - Twenty, 40- - Where did you get all of that? Oh, birthdays, Christmases.
You know, I haven't spent one allowance since I was three.
I guess I'm kind of a tightwad.
- Eighty, 100- - Jonathan I'm tempted, but I can't take your money.
Oh, I'm so tempted.
Well, I don't want you to leave Connecticut.
Hey, maybe you can get money the way my mommy does.
Jonathan, I don't think they'll let me be president of an advertising agency.
No.
Not that.
Mom's got this little plastic card she puts in a slot in a bank and money just comes rolling out.
Jonathan, that money's not free.
It comes from her account.
Here, Angela, taste this.
Tell me what you think.
- Does it need a little more salt? - No.
- Does it have enough oregano? - Yes.
- Maybe it needs a bay leaf.
- It has enough bay leaf.
- Well, then, I think it's perfect.
- As long as you like it.
Like it? I love it.
I'll give you a $250 bonus for it.
- Angela! - How about an advance? Angela, look.
Come on.
Stop.
We gotta face it.
Maybe Sam's right.
Maybe we shouldn't have come to Connecticut.
I just wanted to show my daughter a better life.
And you have.
Yeah, I showed it to her.
I just can't give it to her.
I can't send her on one lousy, crummy little ski trip.
I can't give her the things that Dr.
Ferguson can.
Oh, well, you can give Samantha a lot of things that Dr.
Ferguson can't give Marci.
Oh, yeah? Like what? Well, you get to spend a lot of time with Sam.
Big deaI.
You can teach her how to bunt.
Yeah, well, lots of guys can teach their daughters how to do that.
You know, I bet Dr.
Ferguson can't cook like you do.
Do you know that this is the best sauce I have ever tasted.
It's soup, Angela.
Well, it's- It's a saucy little soup.
Come on.
Don't be so hard on yourself, Tony.
There's lots of things I got that he hasn't, right? - Right.
- I got housemaid's knee I got a beat-up old van, and I got an old ball signed by the '62 Mets.
They're all here.
Look at this here.
Marvelous Marv Throneberry.
He even signed " Marvelous.
" How do you like that? Here's this here.
Choo Choo Coleman, huh? Who's "Tom Atty?" That's "To Matty.
" To Matty, my father.
"To Matty"? Took my old man eight months to get all these signatures.
Here you go.
- I really appreciate you selling me this.
- Yeah.
See here? Harry Chiti.
He got traded mid-season.
My old man had to go all the way to Cleveland for that one.
Cleveland.
Wow.
That's really dedication.
Yeah.
That ball- That ball represents a whole year of my father's life- Probably the best year of my father's life.
Are you sure you want to sell this? Oh, sure.
What are you, kidding me? I hardly ever use it.
How much do you want for it? Well, you know, it's not that I need the money, doc.
Oh, yeah, I know that.
How about $250? That's- That sounds just right, doc.
Really, that's perfect.
What's that? Your hospitaI? No, that's my mother.
I'm late for dinner.
Oh, Tony.
I think it's just wonderfuI what you did.
Thanks, Angela.
You know, it's so magicaI.
It's like Christmas.
Selling your father's baseball for your little girI's happiness and she doesn't know about your sacrifice- It's like an O.
Henry story.
- Angela, get hold of yourself.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- Hey, but look at this.
This is great.
Are you kidding? They're gonna have a great time.
They start over here.
Then they ski down the RaiI Splitter to there, right? Then they go down the Flying SquirreI to there then all the way down here to Mighty Mike.
Oh, no, Tony.
They can't do that.
That's the expert slope.
Yeah, well, then they make a left turn and go right into the first aid station.
Good idea.
That's where they keep the brandy and the guys named Sven.
- Sven? - Hi, Dad.
Hey, hey, hey, my baby.
Hey, Sweetheart.
This looks like fun.
It's gonna be great.
You're gonna have a great time.
- I don't think so.
- What do you mean? It's great.
Heads up.
What's this? Looks like a baseball signed by the '62 Mets.
I know it's a baseball signed by the '62 Mets.
I mean, where'd you get it? I saw it at Marci's and I thought you might want it.
- I sold this to Dr.
Ferguson.
- Yeah, and I bought it back.
I don't want you selling Grandpa's ball to send me on some crummy ski trip.
Wait a minute.
You bought it back? Where'd you get the money to buy this? Dad, this is Connecticut.
I have wealthy friends.
Tony, you owe me 250 clams.
I think it's time we sat down and had a little talk here.
Come on, Rockefeller.
I wanna discuss renegotiation of your allowance.
It's a pretty nice thing you did for me here, Sam.
It was a pretty nice thing you did for me too.
So, what do you think? You think we belong in Connecticut? - I made a list.
- Oh, yeah? Good, because, you know, usually I like lists.
On this side, I wrote all the things I like about living here.
There's Jonathan and Angela, Mona, my friends, the nice schooI I go to- I mean, I even like my teacher.
So do I.
No, I mean- But what's on the bad side? The only bad thing is we're not loaded and I can't always have things like ski trips and riding lessons and designer underwear.
Designer underwear? They make it, Dad, and Marci's got it.
Holy moly.
Well, you know something, Sam.
Truth is, we weren't exactly big shots in the old neighbourhood.
That's what I figure.
Hey, I'd rather be broke in a house with three bathrooms, right? Yeah.
Less waiting.
You know, Sam, you ain't exactly a bag lady.
I mean, we ain't stone-broke.
I wasn't gonna tell you this untiI you were 16, but I think you're old enough.
When you were a baby, your mom and I started an account for you and every time somebody gave us Christmas or birthday money for you we put it in there, and then I snuck in whatever I could here and there.
I think there's about $2000 in there now.
Two thousand dollars? I'm an heiress.
Oh, well Is it really all my money? It's your money, and your responsibility because you proved you could handle it.
I trust you and I know someday, you're gonna do something important with that money.
All right! I'm going skiing! Where are they? They should've been back from Vermont hours ago.
Relax, Tony.
They probably got stuck in traffic, or stopped for a hamburger.
Or x-rays.
Oh, I got a bad feeling, Angela.
I see- I see a fall.
I see a spill- A bad spill, and it's Sam, and I know it.
Boom.
A bad one.
Tony, don't tell me you believe in premonitions.
That's nonsense.
Now, Angela, don't be so earthbound.
See, sometimes parents have ideas about things like this.
What about the time I predicted that you would not go to the junior prom? It just proves my point, Mother.
I did go to the junior prom.
I mean with a date, Angela.
That's them! She's getting out of the car.
She can walk.
It's a miracle.
They must have stopped off at Lourdes.
Hey, Dad! Oh, Sam.
- Hi, Angela.
- Hi.
Oh, Samantha, I'm just so happy you're in one piece.
Tony, you see? I told you premonitions were ridiculous.
- What premonitions? - Oh, I guess it's silly.
I just kept seeing this big fall-