Big Nate (2022) s01e22 Episode Script

1
- Oh, snuggle, snuggle, snuggle!
Oh, fuzzy widdle boo-boos!
[door opens]
- Clara! Is that a cell phone?
- Oh! [stammers]
[glass shatters, tires squeal]
- As your boss,
I must remind you
that cell phones
and school don't mix!
Wouldn't want any
impressionable young eyeballs
to catch a glimpse
of social media.
- Couldn't agree more, Wesley.
Some young miscreant
left their phone in here,
and I was just, uh,
you know, disposing of it.
- Ah, atta-buddy.
[chuckles]
Hey, want to hang out tonight?
- Uh, I need to get home
to my fur babies.
Uh, Mr. Squigglewhiskers
is working through
a particularly vicious hairball.
[dramatic music]
- [belches]
[air hisses]
[meows]
- Uh, yeah.
That's exactly what happened.
[kids laughing]
Take your seats, children!
- Hi, kiddos!
I'm sorry to be the bearer
of bad news,
but our student safety
sergeant, Charlie Benedict,
has gone missing.
While monitoring his fellow
students on the vertical slide
this morning, he was consumed
by our soft cement.
Let's have a moment of silence
for our valiant comrade,
Charlie, and his hopefully
not litigious family.
[bell tolls]
- Charlie Benedict is the worst!
I mean, who would want
to be safety sergeant?
- [panting]
- Hey!
- [grunts]
- No running!
I'm writing you up!
No headphones,
and no droopy pants.
- Wanna meet in the library?
- You know where
chewing gum winds up?
On shoes.
[chuckles]
- We must appoint a new
student safety sergeant
who will work side
by side with me to ensure
- I will proudly take over the
position in Charlie's honor.
- Slow your roll, Gina.
As much as I'd love
to spend more time
with a diligent student
like yourself,
the next student safety
sergeant isn't self-appointed.
They must be chosen.
So who else would like
to be in the running?
- Will you be providing
an orange sash,
or should I pick one
from my personal collection?
[chuckles nervously]
[upbeat music]
- Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- I can't believe Jenny
hangs out with Gina.
Gina's the worst.
You gotta have something
seriously the matter with you
to want to be safety sergeant.
- [chuckles]
As safety sergeant,
I'll get to enforce the rules.
I'll basically be a god!
All the kids that
have ever crossed me
are gonna be sorry.
- [gasps]
- Brush and braid my neck hair
so I feel like a pony.
Or I'll give you
detention for life.
[laughing evilly]
- Yes, Sergeant.
[gasps]
- Mm-hmm, delicious
little sea bug.
Mmm, mmm.
- [gasping]
Principal Nichols, you can't
let Gina be safety sergeant.
She's gonna aah!
- Principal Nichols!
I found this illicit
cell phone in the bushes.
One of the bad kids
must have stashed it there.
- Thank you for your
diligence, Gina.
- What are you doing here?
Getting expelled, I hope.
- Actually, I'm here
to announce my candidacy
for safety sergeant.
- [whispering] Yes!
- Ha!
You have to be chosen, loser.
Like Principal Nichols
would choose you over me.
Right, Principal Nichols?
- As much as I love making
leadership decisions,
the new sergeant will be
voted in by their peers.
We'll hold an election
this afternoon.
- Wait, the kids vote?
But Principal Nichols, isn't
that basically socialism?
- Let's just call it
a friendly competition.
- [growling]
[extinguisher hisses]
[kid screams]
- I'm glad she brought
this contraband phone
to my attention.
I shudder to think of a kid
using it to experiment
with social media.
[dramatic music,
thunder crashes]
- Uh, what's wrong
with social media?
- Everything's wrong
with social media.
Studies have proven that, uh
- Aah!
[device beeping]
Social media is my life.
Are you a bot?
All my BFFs are bots.
LOL, BTW, FAQ!
- It's true.
Or don't you read the
anti-social media pamphlets
the school district air-drops
on us once a month,
month, along with our ration
of fruit cocktail
and toilet paper?
- [groaning]
- My social life is just fine,
thanks to all my pals
here at PS 38.
Now, you better skedaddle.
I'm sure Gina will prove
to be a fearsome opponent.
[thud]
- Huh?
- You're going down.
- Hey, hey, hey, you guys.
You gotta help me campaign
for safety sergeant.
[laughter]
- Good one, bro.
[laughs]
- No, no, no, no. I'm serious.
- Nate, you can't
even spell "safety."
- And think of your
reputation, Nate.
- Yeah, safety sergeants
are grade-A dorks.
- You guys, come on.
If Gina wins, we'll live out
our entire childhoods
in detention.
All:
Oh.
[classical music playing]
- [chitters]
- [slurping] Mmm.
[mutters]
[phone vibrates]
Text from Ken Rosa?
Why would Mr. Rosa
text a student?
"See you tonight, Clara.
Don't forget to bring guac!"
This must be
Clara Godfrey's phone.
What's she bringing guac to?
Wha wha she can't go
to a party.
Mr. Stinklebutt
is burping a hairball!
[phone chimes]
Mosh Pit Monday?
Taco Tuesday?
Wakeboarding Wednesday?
Boxing Day?
[stammering]
Is that Mount Everest?
Why didn't I get invited
to any of this stuff?
Do do do the teachers
not like me?
- Mm.
[somber music]
- Who wants to read my
927-page manifesto detailing
my plan for school safety?
[air horn blares]
- Who wants puppies?
Isn't Spitsy a boy?
[crowd cheering]
- [growls]
[dogs barking]
Let's uphold the rules
when we are in school!
- Don't let some dorky fool
boss you around at school!
[upbeat rock music]
- [growls]
Ugh!
[funky music]
- Hey, Big G!
[chuckles]
Hope Miss Snugglepuff
is feeling better.
- It's Mr. Squigglewhiskers.
- [grunting]
- Ken, my man!
High five, up here!
- [grunting]
Ugh!
[groans]
[grunting]
- Low five.
Don't leave me hanging.
- Please be careful when you
fire up your Bunsen burners.
We don't want to lose
any more eyebrows.
Do we, Carl?
[monitor beeping]
- Good afternoon, kiddos.
I've tallied the votes
for safety sergeant,
and the winner is Nate Wright!
[cheering]
Congratulations, Nate.
Please come see me
first thing in the morning,
and I'll get you all set up.
- Sorry, Gina.
There's a new sergeant in town,
and his name is me.
[birds chirping]
- You're the best, Wesley.
The teachers love you.
You're a boss but also a friend,
while still being a boss.
[chuckles]
Ooh, I know.
This drone'll wow 'em.
[chuckles]
Nothing cooler
than a guy with a drone.
- Kids of PS 38, at long last,
you may roam
the school corridors
free from Charlie Benedict
and his reign of terror.
No more Charlie rules.
Starting today, Nate rules!
My constituents await.
[school bell rings]
- Hey, Fontaine.
Heads up!
- What?
[groaning in slow motion]
Oh, my eye!
My eye!
- [stammers]
Sorry, buddy.
Nothing to worry about.
Here.
As your boss who's also a
friend, let me help you up.
- You've done enough.
My corneas are inflamed!
[yelling]
- Uh, what'd you do
to Mr. Galvin?
- I just wanted to remind
the teachers how cool and fun
I can be.
- [chuckles]
Uh, Wesley.
Can I call you Wesley?
Let me lay
some knowledge on you.
If you want people to like you,
you gotta find out
what matters to them.
I mean, hey,
that's how I got elected
By channeling my fellow
students' passions.
Their passions for not
getting ratted out
by the safety sergeant.
- Hmm.
Well, let me show you
to your new office, Sergeant.
- [gasps] My own office?
[lobster shrieks]
- It used to be
the band teacher's office,
but then we had that
whole snake infestation.
Now, these yellow passes excuse
kids for being late to class.
And the pink are to write
kids up for misbehavior.
- Ha, like I'd write up
some poor innocent kid.
Pbbt, not cool.
[heroic music]
[sighs]
Oh, yeah!
I can already feel
my power growing.
Oh!
Oh, check it out!
I got lateness pass privileges.
Now we can't get in trouble
for being late ever again.
- Ooh.
[chuckles]
Can I get one of those?
- Uh, but you aren't late.
We still have, like, five
minutes before the bell rings.
- But if Nate gives me one,
I can be late.
[scoffs]
Use your brain, Francis.
- Ooh, I'll take one too.
Never know what unexpected
drama may come up.
[students shouting]
- Aren't you gonna
write them up?
Running in the hall
is dangerous.
- Pfft. Heh, since when?
[all yell]
- [humming]
[yelps]
Hey there, Ken!
[chuckles]
Just thought
I'd check in and see
how my loyal friend Ken
is doing, heh.
Wow, some of these kids
are real hacks.
Am I right?
- I painted that.
- Ha-ha!
Darn right, you did.
[chuckles]
I love it.
You know what else I love?
Leaving the room, heh.
I'll catch you later, old pal.
I think I'll eat lunch today
in the teachers' lounge.
- You've rented out the
teachers' lounge all year
to bring in extra cash,
remember?
[soft plucked string music]
[knuckles crack]
- [shrieks loudly]
- Oh, right.
Where do you guys
eat lunch then?
- Usually we all huddle
under a stairwell.
[shoes squeaking]
- [humming]
- You're late, Mr. Ortiz.
Detention!
- [chuckles]
Ah.
Yeah, I've got a lateness pass.
- Ah, so you do.
All right, then, take your seat.
- [humming]
- Hey, can I get a pass too?
Nate's so cool.
- [growling]
- You get a pass,
and you get a pass.
And hey, why not?
Everyone gets a pass!
- Oh?
- Nate, it's so awesome
that you're safety sergeant.
Can I have one of
those yellow passes?
I need it to be late
for math because I hate math.
Please?
I'll be your best friend.
- [gasps]
Really?
[upbeat romantic music]
I feel like
our friendship has grown
into, uh, something more.
- Nate?
Ahem.
- Yeah, cool.
I'll totally hook you up.
[stammers]
I guess I ran out of passes.
- Ugh, lame.
- Don't worry.
I'll get more.
Don't move.
I'll be right back.
Principal Nichols, my man. Heh.
Hit me with some of those
fresh yellow passes, would you?
- You went through them already?
I'm afraid that's all
you get, son.
They're meant to be used
for emergencies only.
- Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
But this this
This is an emergency.
Jenny needs one.
- Gotta boogie, son.
Now, hold down the fort.
And don't let the kids
trash the school.
Any more cleanup expenses,
and we'll have
to eliminate the art program.
- Principal Nichols, wait!
You can't just
leave me in charge.
- Clara, Fontaine, K-Dog,
big important meeting.
Bring your lunches
and follow me.
[all groan]
- [chuckles]
Yeah, it's, like, so cool to
Oh, hey, Nate.
Did you get me that pass?
- Uh, about those passes.
Yeah, uh, it seems
we don't have any more.
But maybe you and I could, uh
- Out of passes, huh?
You don't have any power left,
do you?
Guess what, guys!
Nate doesn't have any
- Oh, I've got the power.
I've got the power
to write you up,
which means you've got
lunch detention.
Have a great day.
- [gasps]
Wait, you can't do that.
I have a flawless record.
I'm telling Principal Nichols!
- Principal Nichols isn't here.
I'm, uh I'm in charge.
- [panting]
[growling]
[screaming]
[crash]
- Did Nate just say
he's in charge?
- For real?
All:
Food fight!
Food fight! Food fight!
- Dude, dude, dude, stop!
Principal Nichols said
if the school gets trashed,
they're gonna cut
the art program.
- [laughs]
Oh!
- No!
That means drama club's next!
- Nate, you gotta do something.
These children are animals!
- You guys, stop!
Since I'm in charge,
let's eat lunch outside today!
[all cheering]
- [chuckles]
Problem solved.
- I've brought you all
here today because
we need to have a very serious
fun sesh!
[laughs]
Psych!
There's no meeting.
We're having a picnic
Just a few great teachers
and their beloved, laid-back,
fun boss friend.
Well, come on.
I'll share my blanket,
'cause that's what
friends are for, right?
[chuckles]
- Hmm.
- I got the deluxe
sushi platter.
Gotta treat yourself, right?
Am I right? [chuckles]
What are you all having?
- Ramen, but I need hot water
from the boys' bathroom
to make it.
Thanks, friend.
- That's us, just a gaggle
of friends having fun.
- Fun indeed.
[whirring]
[gulp, can rattles]
[kids cheering]
- Whee!
[grunts]
- YOLO!
[grunts]
both:
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
- Wait, stop!
You're gonna get
- You're not the boss of me!
Nate is!
Both:
Aah, no consequences!
[distant sirens]
- This is really hard to watch.
- You're right.
Hey, I have
the perfect solution.
Let's go inside.
If I can't see it,
it's not my fault, right?
- Ugh.
[laughter, cheering]
- Yeah, party!
- Ugh!
How did this happen?
What are all these kids
doing here?
- It's a school, Einstein.
[rumbling]
- Huh?
[kids screaming]
- Is that gum?
- Whoa!
- Aah!
[crash]
- Waterslide!
[kids cheering]
- Do something, Nate!
- Hey, ca can you
not do that, bruh?
- [chuckles]
Good one, Nate.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey, can you
put that back, please?
Mr. Galvin will freak
if you mess up
[groans]
Yow!
- [chuckles] Look at us.
All hanging out
like we did when we were young.
[chuckles]
We sure go way back.
Hey, remember when I was just
a teacher like you guys?
- Just a teacher?
- Oh, who wants to hear me
play my nose trumpet?
[playing
"Happy Birthday to You"]
[pigeon coos]
- Ah, stiffen the wombats!
My favorite cardigan.
- Can we please go back
to school now?
- [sobbing]
Why don't you guys like me?
- Wherever did you get
such an idea, Wesley?
- Yeah, you're a great boss.
- Couldn't ask
for a better principal.
- W well, then why don't
you want to hang out with me?
- Oh, Wesley,
no one wants to hang out
with their boss outside of work.
Let's face it, you're the man.
You enforce the rules.
You pay our so-called salaries.
- I'm sure you've got
tons of friends
outside of school, though.
- [plays sad tune]
- Well, maybe you should
join social media.
You'd meet people, make friends.
- But what if it turns me
into a zombie robot boy?
- That is certainly a risk
I'm willing to take.
Hand me your phone, Wesley.
I'll help you get connected.
- Really?
Uh uh, thank you, friends.
[distant shouting]
- [panting]
Gina, you gotta help me.
The kids are going crazy,
and you're the only one
awful and frightening enough
to stop them.
[dramatic music]
♪
- My permanent record
is forever stained.
You ruined me!
So in the immortal words of the
postmaster general, stop it!
- Gina, we're in middle school.
There's no such thing
as a permanent record.
- [gasps]
You take that back!
- [sighs] O okay.
All right, fine. Whatever.
Listen, I'll take back
the write-up.
No one will ever know.
But you have to help me, okay?
[shouting, laughter]
[elevator dings]
[feedback whines]
- Whoa.
You just, like, carry that thing
around with you all the time?
- Listen up, you maniacs!
You're gonna clean up
this mess pronto!
- Whatever!
- You're such a dork.
- You're not in charge.
- Yeah, tell her, Nate.
- Yeah.
[stammering]
I'm sorry, guys.
But we actually no, we do.
We do need to listen to Gina.
- You go ahead
and call me a dork.
I don't care.
I have all your parents'
numbers memorized,
and I'm not afraid to call them.
That's right.
Scrub.
Scrub!
You'll all be working
for me someday.
Might as well start now.
- [gasps]
My first friend request, heh.
Ooh, and he's
a Stylgravian prince.
Accept!
[chuckles]
Ooh, he wants my bank account
info so he can deposit
a vastly fortune in there.
Oh-oh-oh, sounds legit to me.
Oh, look at me,
finding my posse.
Social media is great.
Ooh, let me get my bank card.
Oh, what's my
Social Security number?
[angelic choir sings]
[ding]
- Okay, that was
super impressive.
- Obviously.
All right, butt for brains,
I held up my end of the bargain.
Now it's your turn.
Make this go away.
- Oh, hey, no problem. I will.
- Not on the floor, you slob!
Put it in the trash.
- [groans]
- Oh-hoo!
This place is in better shape
than I left it.
Maybe I should leave you
in charge more often, Nate.
- Actually, Principal Nichols,
Gina should be in charge.
Look, bossing kids around
is really
in her wheelhouse, you know?
It's not my style.
- Hmm.
[chuckles]
- [groans]
- Yes!
[cackling]
I have all the power!
[panting]
- I feel you, Nate.
Having authority
over your peers is well,
it's a pretty rough gig.
From now on,
I'm gonna let you kids
focus on your friendships.
We'll leave the rule
enforcement to the adults.
- What?
- Clara, how would you like
to be our new safety sergeant?
I'll throw in some extra cash
to sweeten the pot.
You could use it
to buy some treats
for good old
Mr. Snufflepuffles.
- Why, thank you, Wesley.
It would be my pleasure.
[ominous music]
[growls]
- But I was going to use
the safety sergeant office
to study in!
- Actually, I think
I'll turn that office
into a teacher's lounge.
- [gasps] Really?
- Our hardworking employees
need a place
they can go relax and forget
about school for a minute.
- [chuckles]
- Yeah!
- Perhaps you'd like
to hang out with us in there
sometimes, Wesley.
Uh, we'd love that.
Right, guys?
- Uh, totally.
You should stop by,
uh, like, once a month.
- Or once a year.
- Or whenever you want,
preferably during
the month of July.
- Really? You mean it?
[giggles]
I have the best buddies
in the world here in PS 38!
[laughing]
- My hopes and dreams, ruined!
[bubbling]
- [gasps]
I'm back!
[cackling]
[dubstep music]
♪