Growing Pains s01e22 Episode Script

Maggie, what's Uncle Bob doing sleeping in my office? He and Mike played poker last night.
- Mike won his room back.
- Really? I'm glad to see Mike getting the upper hand for a change.
Me, too.
Too bad he lost your car.
Maybe Uncle Bob wouldn't mind giving us a lift to the store later.
Where's Uncle Bob? - Still asleep, I guess.
- You mean, he's not up yet? Thank you, God.
Dad, can I borrow some of your shaving cream? I'd give it a while.
Come on, Mom.
I may never get another chance like this again.
He's sprayed me four mornings in a row.
Four mornings in a row? - Take no prisoners.
- Yes, sir.
- You're bad.
- Always support the home team.
Ben and I have $10 saying Uncle Bob beats Mike in the limbo contest.
Want a piece of the action? You two ought to be ashamed of yourselves betting against your own brother.
Your mother's right, kids.
But it was Mike's idea.
I mean, he said he'd cover any bet against him.
- And he's giving 3-to-1 odds.
- 3-to1, whoa.
- Jason.
- I'm just scratching.
Mike? He's dead.
Oh, my God.
For those of you that cried at the funeral I just want to say that it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Thank you, Maggie.
Well, are we all ready? - This feels kind of strange, Mom.
- It won't after we get started, honey.
Uncle Bob called this a remembering session.
When someone in my family passed on Uncle Bob would lead us all in sharing fond memories of that person.
Whom he would lovingly refer to as "The dearly defunct.
" Who wants to start? Okay, then, I will.
When I was a little girl I wanted to be a dancer.
And do you know why? Why? Because Uncle Bob took me to my very first ballet.
And I remember he said, "They walk around on their toes "they do flapping things with their arms, and it doesn't make any sense.
"But it's pretty, ain't it?" Remember when I had my appendix taken out and Uncle Bob brought me one in a jar and told me not to worry 'cause he knew how to put it back in.
Yeah, and when the nurse came, he showed her the jar and said he got it out of the soda machine.
And then he said he wanted his quarter back.
And remember what to do when passing slow cars on the road? Stroke.
Stroke.
Stroke.
I remember how much fun it was when Uncle Bob would make Mike lose.
What? He could run faster, shoot baskets better.
He played games like a champ.
- I let him win.
- Sure you did.
Remember the last visit? They're in the homestretch and it's not even close.
Jason, he lost again.
He'll be crushed.
I know.
He tries so hard, too.
Here he comes.
- And the winner is? - Uncle Bob by a mile.
Uncle Bob! Uncle Bob! B-O-B.
Uncle Bob! Please, please.
Just throw paper money.
Congratulations.
Are you through humiliating my son for the evening? - I don't know.
Carol? - We can make it if we hurry.
Let's do it.
So the other fellow says: "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need talcum powder.
" At least you're not the kind of guy who likes to rub it in.
Thanks for the help, guys.
Are you kidding? We live for stuff like this.
- Don't let them tease you, Son.
- That's all right, Dad.
I can take it.
Attaboy.
You want some pizza? Uncle Bob stopped for one on the way back.
Come on, pal.
Don't take it so hard.
You know you're my favorite nephew.
- What's your name again? - All right, look, you beat me again but I'm young, and sooner or later I'm going to come out on top.
Glutton for punishment.
Shall we say running shoes at dawn? - You're on.
- All right.
I'm first in the shower.
How about that.
Mike finally got the best of you at something.
Not really.
I took the knobs off the shower.
I didn't want to take a shower.
Your turn, Mike.
What do you remember? Deuces, jacks, man with an ax.
Pair of natural sevens takes all.
That's poker.
I loved to play poker with Uncle Bob, even if he did always win.
Boy, she was some beautiful dame.
I thought we'd always be together.
Then the war came.
She shipped out.
I gave her a carton of cigarettes.
Your bet.
Yeah, that's some sad story.
I mean, the love of your life.
- Didn't you ever meet anyone else? - No one like her.
Two jacks.
We'll always have Milwaukee.
Hey, Uncle Bob there's this girl in my geometry class that I like.
- When I look at her, I get the chills.
- Put a jacket on.
You got a D in geometry.
Now, you can do better than that, you hear? - I know.
I'm trying.
- One.
- Try harder.
- I will.
I bet $10.
All right, I'll see your $10, and I'll raise $10 more.
- Call.
What have you got? - I got three aces.
Full house, nines and fours.
I can't believe it, you win every hand.
Mikey, Mikey, I'm four times older than you.
I've got experience.
One day you'll have experience, though I wouldn't hold my breath.
Holy mackerel! Would you look at the time? Your mother's going to kill me for keeping you up this late.
Oh, no, that's okay.
Really.
She lets me get away with everything when it comes to you.
She does? Let's go downtown and get some tattoos.
- You got tattooed? - He was just kidding.
The most important thing I ever learned from Uncle Bob was just never draw to an inside straight.
Hey, you remember that Thanksgiving when Uncle Bob brought the whole turkey out and he put it in front of big, old Aunt Doris? And he said, "You go ahead and start.
Ours will be out in a minute.
" All right, already.
Look, you wake me up at 3:30 in the morning.
I say, "No problem.
" I come down here and what do I get for you? Buttermilk.
That's right, buttermilk.
I hate buttermilk.
But I'm going to drink some right now.
You know why? Because you like it.
That's right.
There, am I your buddy or what? You betcha.
Morning, Mike.
It was just a dream.
It didn't really happen.
My bed, I love you.
Thank you for making it only a dream.
And my pillow.
I love you, pillow.
Breakfast is ready.
I can explain all this.
Don't bother, Mike.
We've known about you and your pillow for a long time now.
She just doesn't understand.
Sorry, I'm late, guys.
I just had this really weird nightmare last night.
Is that the one where you show up for your final exam with less than a minute to go? No, that actually happened.
But it was just as crazy.
I mean, I was pretty glad when I woke up.
I'll say.
Well, now that we're all here does anyone want to tell me who spilled buttermilk on the floor? A simple confession will do.
- Are you all right, Mike? - Yeah.
- What happened? - Nothing.
Something just went down the wrong pipe.
I'm in big trouble.
And the tension's really building here, charade fans.
The girls are ahead, and Mike Seaver's coming up for his next turn.
It's almost midnight, Mike.
Can't we just call it a night? What, and end all the fun? - I'm tired.
- Me, too.
Come on.
Okay, here we go, Dad.
It's a movie.
Three words.
First word.
Sounds like a monster.
A monster with a car.
Oh, no, not another Godzilla movie.
Ben, what's the second word in every Godzilla movie? - Meets.
- Right.
Godzilla meets Margaret Thatcher.
I'll give you a hint.
It's Frankenstein.
I'm going to bed.
- Me, too.
Let's go up.
- Thank God.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
How about a game of Monopoly? Now, there's a game that's just fun for all ages.
Mike, we've played Monopoly.
And we've played Scrabble, Parcheesi, and ball tag.
I mean, there's a limit to how much fun a family can stand in one night.
And we passed it about two hours ago.
Coming, Mike? No, I think I'll get on the horn and see who's around.
At midnight? - How about a quick game of Uncle Wiggly? - All right.
Wrong.
Night, Mike.
- Mike, you okay? - Yeah, fine, great.
Just feeling wonderful.
Sure you don't want to talk about it for a minute? No, there's really nothing to talk about, Dad.
Really.
Okay.
Good night.
Dad, what happens to people when they die? This could take longer than a minute.
If it takes all night, it's okay by me.
Okay.
Some people believe that when you die, you go to heaven or hell.
Some people believe that then you come back again to live on earth and the kind of life you have then will depend on the kind of person you were.
Some people believe that you keep coming back in a higher form each time until you reach the ultimate.
Professional basketball player? Could be.
If you're not good, you come back as a lawyer.
Where do practical-joking joggers fit in? Hopefully pretty high.
- Dad, I saw him.
- You saw who? Uncle Bob.
Last night I was drinking buttermilk and he ran through the kitchen, just like he was alive.
Maybe you were dreaming.
- Dad, the buttermilk spilled, remember? - Yeah.
Was it possible, or am I just losing my mind? You could have been sleepwalking, Mike.
You know, the imagination is I knew you would say that.
Dad, do you believe in ghosts? - Well - I didn't think so.
I believe that you believe that you saw Uncle Bob.
I did.
Dad, what does he want from me? What did he say? He said, "Hi, Mike.
" Sounds pretty friendly.
Dad, I don't know what do.
And I know he'll be back.
- Why don't you talk to him? - I should just have a chat with a dead guy? Either that or we're going to be playing a lot of charades around here.
And you're already out of Godzilla movies.
I don't know.
What's to be afraid of? You act like he's a bad guy and you know he loved you.
Maybe he's changed.
Mike, if you really believe that you've seen Uncle Bob then you should ask him what he wants.
- You say stuff like this to your patients? - Yes.
And they give you money for this? It doesn't matter what I believe, Mike.
What matters is that even if your mind played a trick on you it did it for a reason.
And the best way of discovering that reason is to ask.
- Uncle Bob.
- Or your image of him.
You understand? I couldn't just do this by mail? Yeah, if you have the address.
Okay.
I'm going to do it.
I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna face my fear.
I'm gonna be a man.
I'm gonna be a man.
I'm gonna be a man.
I'm gonna be a Starting tomorrow.
Be a man.
Be a man.
Be a man.
Be a man.
I'm in the kitchen.
I'm at the refrigerator.
I'm taking out the buttermilk.
It was a dream.
It didn't really happen.
There's no such thing as ghosts.
I was a man.
I faced it and it went away.
I'll never see Uncle Bob again.
Morning, Mike.
Mommy.
No, Mike.
Be a man.
You're gonna be a man.
- Uncle Bob? - What's up, Mike? Nothing.
Carry on.
What about that limbo contest? $10 still says I can beat you, huh? - Look, what do you want from me? - What do I want from you? I want your $10, right? Look, you can have $20.
I don't care.
Anything you want.
- Just quit haunting me! - Haunting you? I was just kidding you, Mike.
Try to lighten up.
Look, don't touch me.
Mike, don't take this wrong - but you're acting a little strange.
- I'm acting strange? Look, you're running a 10K in my kitchen and you're dead.
- I'm what? - I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you.
Not half as sorry as I am to hear it.
You're sure about this? Yeah, I'm positive.
I went to your funeral on Friday.
Good funeral? Yeah, good funeral.
Lot of people came.
Dad cried.
Good old Jason, huh? Did Jack Hollard show up? He always said he was going to belly-up before What am I saying? What am I saying? I'm not dead! I'm alive! You had me going for a minute.
I can see I'm not getting my point across here.
Look, Uncle Bob, what have you been doing for the last week? I don't know.
The usual stuff, I guess.
- Like what? - Like running and - Have you talked to anybody? - Yeah.
- Who? - You, of course.
Who else? You know, that's crazy, but I can't remember talking to anyone else this week but you.
- What do you remember? - Running, mostly.
Boy, I had some good runs this week.
Uncle Bob, don't you think it's a little weird to spend a whole week doing nothing but running? Yeah, that is weird, huh? Real weird.
I just don't know why I didn't see it before.
I'm dead.
Seems simple enough now, huh? I want to thank you, Michael.
Hey, don't mention it.
It was just something I thought you should know.
I have to go now.
- What, right now? - Yeah.
- Uncle Bob, wait.
- Way past my time.
- Wait, Uncle Bob.
- Yes, Michael? Where are you going? You just can't leave me here like this.
Don't worry, Michael.
It's all right.
Really.
No, it's not.
I mean, I'm never going to see you again! You're leaving me, there's not a thing I can do about it, right? - Sure there is.
- What? Remember me.
- What? - Remember me.
Remember the time your mom made sushi and we all dressed up in Japanese costume? Yeah, and you came as Godzilla.
I knew it was your favorite movie star.
Remember all the corny jokes we used to tell, huh? - How do two porcupines make love? - Very carefully.
Remember the time I died in the den and you put whipped cream on my face? I didn't know you were dead.
Wait a minute, if you were dead how did you know about the whipped cream? I know a lot of things I didn't know before.
Mike, I'm sorry I always teased you and tried to embarrass you.
That's okay.
I mean, humiliation builds character.
There you go then.
You see, I'm not leaving you.
I'm in your memory.
I'm in your character.
I'm part of you.
Goodbye, Mike.
Goodbye, Uncle Bob.
I guess I'd better get to bed.
Unless I'm already up there.
Morning, Mike.
- Did you sleep all right, last night? - Yeah, no problem.
- I worked the whole thing out.
- No more fears? No, not this cowboy.
- Great.
All right.
See you at breakfast.
- Okay.
Come on, Mike.
How many times do I have to tell you not to leave your towels lying around? Hey, Mom, this isn't my towel.
English