Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e22 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL
REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREA
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
YOU'LL FIND
IN EACH CALAMITY ♪
THE CAT SUPERIORITY
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
O-O-OH OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- WE'LL BE READY TO LEAVE
ON OUR VACATION SOON,
HEATHCLIFF.
I'M PACKING
YOUR SUITCASE NOW.
- I HOPE SHE PACKED
ENOUGH CANS OF SARDINES.
IT'S GONNA BE
A LONG WEEKEND.
[HUMMING]
I MAY NOT KNOW ART,
BUT I KNOW WHAT I LIKE.
YEAH, WATCH THIS, BOYS.
I'M GONNA MAKE SURE
SPIKE DON'T FORGET ME
WHILE I'M
ON MY VACATION.
HERE COMES HEATHCLIFF!
- YEOW!
- HI THERE, ART LOVER.
- HEATHCLIFF!
WHERE'D HE GO?
- WELL, I'M JUST ABOU
OUT OF BREATH.
I'M ONLY HUMAN,
YOU KNOW.
CHASING SPIKE USED
TO BE A LOT EASIER.
- HEATHCLIFF!
- HERE, BOY.
[WHISTLE]
- LOOKS KINDA
SUSPICIOUS TO ME.
TIME TO GO
SLEEPY BYE.
- YOU CAN'T DO
THIS TO ME, SPIKE.
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
I'M TOO WORN OUT TO MOVE.
- YOU'RE LOSING YOUR
TOUCH, HEATHCLIFF.
HEH HEH HEH HEH.
- DUH, WHY'D HEATHCLIFF
LET SPIKE DO THA
TO HIM?
- HEATHCLIFF JUS
DON'T HAVE IT NO MORE.
- I GUESS I NEED A VACATION
WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.
YEAH, MAYBE THE FRESH AIR
WILL DO ME GOOD.
- HEATHCLIFF!
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU, HEATHCLIFF?
IT LOOKS AS IF
YOU NEED A VACATION
AS MUCH AS
THE REST OF US.
- AH, THIS IS THE LIFE.
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
FRESH COUNTRY AIR
TO IMPROVE ONE'S
APPETITE FOR SARDINES.
FEATHERS AND SARDINE OIL
DON'T MIX.
- HA HA HA.
YOU LOOK LIKE SOME
KIND OF STRANGE BIRD.
- I AIN'T NEVER SEEN A BIRD
WITH SO MUCH MEAT ON HIM.
- NOW THERE'S
A REAL BIRD.
- YUM YUM.
- DRAT.
- MY BABY.
- UH, NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO IS CATCHING WHO?
- LOOK, THAT EAGLE'S
GOT HEATHCLIFF.
- A FAT BIRD LIKE THA
WON'T GET AWAY
FROM ME SO EASY.
- WHAT A VIEW FROM UP HERE.
UH, THANKS FOR THE RIDE.
WHERE ARE WE?
- YOU'RE HOME AGAIN, BABY.
NOW DON'T FALL OU
OF THE NEST ANYMORE
AND MAMA WILL BRING YOU
A NICE SNACK.
- IF EAGLES EAT WORMS,
THIS WON'T BE MUCH
OF A VACATION.
I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
NOW, WHICH WAY
TO THE CAMPSITE?
HEY, LEO, DO YOU KNOW
WHERE I COULD FIND
THE NUT MINT CAMPSITE?
- AAAAAH.
- YEAH, I UNDERSTAND
YOUR MISTAKE, LEO,
WITH ALL THESE FEATHERS.
BUT I'M A CA
JUST LIKE YOU.
- AAAAAH.
- WELL, I'D LOVE
TO STAY AND CHAT,
BUT, UH,
I REALLY GOTTA GO.
- MY BABY!
TAKE THAT, YOU BRUTE!
- GIVE IT TO HIM, MOM.
DID THAT LION
MAKE YOU MOLT EARLY?
- I DON'T HAVE FEATHERS NOW
BECAUSE I'M A CAT.
GET IT? A CAT.
- SURE YOU ARE, DEAR.
NOW YOU PLAY NICE
WHILE MAMA GETS YOU
SOMETHING TO EAT.
AND TRY NO
TO FALL OUT OF
THE NEST AGAIN.
- SHE'S NICE.
BUT SHE GOT BIRDSEED
FOR BRAINS.
- WELL, WHAT IS IT?
- WELL, UH, IT DON'
MAKE SENSE
FOR A COUNTRY CA
TO FIGHT A CITY CAT.
WE OUGHTA BE PALS.
BUDDIES.
- [ROAR]
- YOU OUGHTA TAKE BETTER CARE
OF YOUR TEETH, LEO.
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME
YOU SAW A DENTIST?
THIS IS HARD WORK.
I GOTTA STOP
AND USE MY BRAIN.
I WONDER HOW CAN
I GET LEO AND MOM
TO TAKE CARE
OF EACH OTHER?
WHAT DO LEO AND MOM
HAVE IN COMMON?
HMM.
ME, THAT'S WHAT.
YEAH, UH, LET'S SEE.
UH, THE SQUARE ROO
OF THE HYPOTENUSE
IS EQUAL TO--
HEY, HERE COMES ONE OF
THE FEATURED PLAYERS NOW.
- [GROWLING]
- HERE BIRDIE, BIRDIE.
HERE BIRDIE.
THAT DOOFUS IS MAKING I
TOO EASY FOR ME.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS USE YOUR BRAINS.
WHICH I HAVE A LOT OF.
HERE BIRDIE,
BIRDIE, BIRDIE.
HERE BIRDIE.
BIRDIE!
HERE, LEO. WOULD YOU
HOLD THIS FOR A SECOND?
SUCKER.
- UH-OH.
YEOW!
- OH, NO.
- AH HA HA HA HA HA.
NO, WAIT. AAH!
- HERE SHE COMES NOW.
RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.
- WHAT IS THAT LION
DOING WITH MY TREE?
COMING, BABY!
- THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
NOT AGAIN!
- YOU BRUTE!
YOU CAN'T DENY
CHOPPING DOWN MY TREE
WITH THAT AX STILL
IN YOUR HAND.
AND WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE WITH MY BABY?
AND WHERE'S MY NEST?
- IF YOU CAN'T OUTRUN THEM,
YOU CAN ALWAYS OUTSMART THEM.
STRATEGY.
YEAH, THAT'S THE ANSWER.
NOW TO GET BACK TO
THE NUT MINT CAMPSITE
SO THAT I CAN RELAX AT LAST.
IF I'D HAVE HAD TIME
TO THINK ABOUT THIS BEFORE,
I'D HAVE NOTICED THA
I CAN USE MORE STRATEGY
AT HOME, TOO.
OH, I CAN'T WAI
TO TRY IT OUT.
- DUH, HEY, WE BETTER GO.
HERE COMES HEATHCLIFF.
- AW, I AIN'T AFRAID OF
HEATHCLIFF NO MORE.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
WHAT HE WAS LIKE
BEFORE HE LEFT?
- HIYA, BOYS.
YOU KNOW
I DON'T LIKE
YOU SITTING
ON MY STEPS.
LOWERS THE TONE
OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
- YEAH, WE KNOW.
- SO THAT'S THE WAY
IT IS, EH?
IN THAT CASE,
I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU
SOME STRATEGY
I LEARNED ON MY
VACATION. COME ON.
- DUH, WHAT'S STRATEM GEE?
- DON'T FRY YOUR BRAINS
THINKING ABOUT IT.
LET'S SEE WHAT THE ORANGE
BALL OF FUR HAS TO SHOW US.
- [HUMMING]
WATCH VERY CAREFULLY
NOW, BOYS.
HERE COMES HEATHCLIFF!
- YEOW!
HEATHCLIFF!
WELL, WHA
DO YOU KNOW?
3 ARTISTIC
TYPE CATS.
[BARKING]
- VOILA. THE DOG
CHASES THE CATS
AND ALL IS WELL
WITH THE WORLD.
NOTHING LIKE A VACATION
TO BRIGHTEN
YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE.
HA HA HA.
- COME ON, I KNOW YOU GUYS
ARE HIDING IN THERE.
- YEOW!
[THUD]
- HEY, WE WERE
ALL SLEEPING.
- TAKE YOUR NAP LATER.
I GOT CLEO COMING OVER
IN 10 MINUTES
AND I WANT THIS PLACE
SHIP SHAPE.
I GOT AN IMPORTANT QUESTION
TO ASK MY GIRL
AND I WAN
THIS PLACE SHINING.
RIGHT ON TIME,
FAIR MAIDEN.
YOUR LUNCH AWAITS WITHIN.
- WOW, WHAT'S THE BIG
DEAL, RIFFRAFF?
ALL THIS ATTENTION,
ALL CLEANED UP
AROUND HERE.
I HARDLY RECOGNIZE
THE PLACE.
- ALL FOR YOU,
MY QUEEN.
- WHAT GIVES?
THIS IS TOO MUCH.
- WELL, WHAT IT IS,
CLEO,
IS THAT I WANT YOU TO BE
MY STEADY GIRL.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW,
RIFFRAFF.
I LIKE MY FREEDOM.
- I KNOW.
BUT I NEED TO KNOW
YOU'LL BE TRUE TO ME.
- WELL, THAT MEANS
NO OTHER GIRLS FOR YOU, TOO.
- YOU GOT IT.
SCOUT'S HONOR.
- OK, YOU SWEET-TALKING
RASCAL,
STEADY IT IS.
- YAH HOO!
I'M THE HAPPIES
CAT IN TOWN.
- I'VE REALLY GOTTA RUN.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER
STEADY BOYFRIEND.
- I FEEL REAL GOOD
NOW THAT I'VE MADE
MY COMMITMENT TO CLEO.
HEY, RIFF. YOU GONNA
TO SEE THE NEW GIRL
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD?
SHE JUST MOVED IN AND, UH
[WOLF WHISTLE]
- SHE'S NEAT AND SWEE
AND SHE'S GOT THE BEA
RIGHT DOWN
TO HER PRETTY FEET.
- SHE'S WOWIE ZOWIE.
- NOT FOR ME, GUYS.
I AM SPOKEN FOR.
I AM NOW GOING
STEADY WITH CLEO.
- ANYBODY HOME?
- ON THE OTHER HAND,
WHAT CLEO DOESN'
KNOW WON'T HURT HER.
HELLO THERE.
- I'M ROXIE AND I'M NEW
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
- I'M RIFFRAFF THE
LOCAL WELCOME WAGON.
COME IN AND STAY
FOR A WEEK OR 2.
NOW, COME WITH ME
TO THE KASBAH.
- CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
RIGHT AFTER HE ASKED
CLEO TO GO STEADY.
- RIFFRAFF IS
A REAL BAD CAT.
- SO MAKE YOURSELF
AT HOME.
I'LL FIND YOU
SOMETHING TO EAT.
I HOPE.
- GREAT. I'M STARVING.
- HUNGRY. OF COURSE.
I WAS JUST SENDING
MY ASSOCIATES OU
TO CATCH DINNER.
WON'T YOU JOIN ME
FOR AN EVENING
IN PARADISE?
- HOW COULD I TURN DOWN
SUCH AN OFFER?
THAT IS, UNLESS YOU WERE
EXPECTING ANOTHER DATE?
- DUH, YEAH,
WHAT ABOUT CL--
- UH, GREAT IDEA.
MORE FOOD, FELLAS.
I'LL MAKE I
WORTH YOUR WHILE.
NOW SCRAM AND DON'
SPARE THE HORSES.
SO, LET'S GE
ACQUAINTED.
- SLOW DOWN, ROMEO.
FIRST, WE EAT.
UH, RIGHT. THE GUYS
SHOULD BE BACK SOON.
- MAY AS WELL SPLIT UP
AND GET THIS OVER WITH.
I'LL GET THE MILK.
- I'LL GET THE FISH,
A GREAT BIG DISH.
- DUH, I'LL GET ROXIE.
- BETTER GET DESSERT,
MONGO.
- THAT'S FUNNY.
I THOUGHT I'D BE SEEING
MY STEADY RIFFRAFF TONIGHT.
- HEY, COME BACK.
GIVE ME MY MILK BACK.
STOP, YOU CREEP.
- HM, LOOKS LIKE RIFFRAFF
HAS THE TROOPS
OUT GATHERING GOODS.
- HEY, YOU THIEF!
I'LL GET YOU ANYWAY.
BRING THOSE
BACK HERE.
- WORDSWORTH HAS ENOUGH
FISH TO FEED AN ARMY.
HM, THIS IS TOO MUCH.
I'VE GOTTA CHECK OU
WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH MY STEADY.
MONGO, MY SWEET,
WHAT A NICE
SURPRISE.
DID RIFFRAFF SEND
YOU OVER
WITH THESE TREATS
FOR ME?
- DUH, GEE. NO, CLEO.
THESE ARE FOR ROXIE AND
RIFFRAFF'S DINNER.
I'M SUPPOSED TO
KEEP IT QUIET.
- ROXIE, EH?
AND, UH,
JUST WHO IS ROXIE?
A SICK RELATIVE?
- AH, A BIT OF MILK
BEFORE THE MAIN COURSE,
MY PET?
SERVE, HECTOR.
- THIS IS HUMILIATING.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- AH, I SAID IT'S
GETTING LATE.
CAN I GO NOW?
- SURELY YOU JEST?
WE'VE BARELY BEGUN
OUR SUMPTUOUS SUPPER.
HERE'S A TIP.
- I'VE HAD I
WITH RIFFRAFF.
WE'RE SUCKERS
TO WAIT ON HIM
AND THAT ROXIE.
- YEAH, RIFFRAFF'S BAD,
WE'VE BEEN HAD
AND IT'S MAKING ME MAD.
[BELL RINGS]
- DUH, I THINK RIFFRAFF
WANTS YOU, WORDSWORTH.
DUH, IT'S CLEO.
- SHH.
- CAN YOU BELIEVE
THE GUY AIN'T NICE?
HE'S SENDING IT BACK.
WANTS MORE SPICE.
OH, HI, CL--
- SHH.
SO HE WANTS A LITTLE
MORE SPICE, DOES HE?
HOW ABOU
A LITTLE PEPPER?
THERE. THAT SHOULD
SPICE UP HIS MEAL.
- YEOW! WATER!
WATER!
- AAH!
- WATER. YEAH!
I THINK THEY
WANT WATER.
THIS WHITE VINEGAR
LOOKS LIKE WATER.
- QUICK!
GIVE ME WATER!
YUCK.
VINEGAR!
- WHAT KIND OF GAG
IS THIS?
- HERE, MONGO.
FOR THE NEXT COURSE.
WITH TABASCO SAUCE.
- MMM. GOOD.
- YEOW!
- WOW, WHAT GIVES
WITH THIS FOOD?
I CAN TAKE A JOKE
AS WELL AS ANYONE,
LOVERBOY.
BUT THIS MENU
IS NOT FUNNY.
- LISTEN, BABY, I DON'
KNOW WHAT GIVES,
BUT DON'T LEAVE.
THE NIGHT IS YOUNG.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE THIS IS THE WAY
YOU TREAT ALL THE GIRLS.
- BUT I DON'T HAVE
A LOT OF GIRLS.
THERE'S ONLY YOU.
HOW' BOU
A LITTLE CATNIP
TO GET US BACK
IN THE MOOD?
CATNIP!
[BELL RINGS]
- THEY WANT CATNIP?
WE'LL GIVE THEM CATNIP.
- [CATS LAUGHING]
- HELLO, YOUNG LOVERS.
HERE'S YOUR CATNIP.
ENJOY.
- AH AH AH CHOO!
- AH CHOO!
- AH CHOO!
AH AH AH CHOO!
AH CHOO!
AH AH AH CHOO!
- HM. NEEDS
MORE PEPPER.
I'LL FIX IT.
- AH CHOO!
- AH CHOO!
- HEY, AH CHOO!
HECTOR, WHAT GIVES?
THAT'S HECTOR.
THEN WHO?
YIKES!
CLEO!
AH CHOO!
- GESUNDHEIT.
AND AS FOR YOU,
YOU--YOU VAMP, YOU!
- HOLD IT. WHO ARE YOU
TO COME WALTZING IN HERE
AND BREAK UP ME
AND MY NEW BOYFRIEND?
- CORRECTION.
MY OLD BOYFRIEND.
AND FORMER STEADY.
- OUCH!
- THIS IS A PRIVATE FIGHT.
WAIT OUTSIDE, BOYS.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MEAN RIFFRAFF
IS TWO-TIMING YOU?
- YEAH. NOW PUT UP
YOUR DUKES.
I'LL DROP YOU
LIKE A BAD HABIT.
- HOLD IT, HONEY.
I'M NOT THE ENEMY.
I NEVER KNEW.
- YOU MEAN, RIFFRAFF
NEVER TOLD YOU?
- NEVER. HONEST.
- I'LL TAKE
YOUR WORD FOR IT.
AND HE'LL PAY
FOR THIS.
NO MORE STEADY.
- SAME GOES FOR ME.
I GOT A GREAT IDEA.
- WOW, THEY'RE FIGHTING
OVER ME.
I'M FLATTERED.
LISTEN, GIRLS. NO NEED
TO FIGHT OVER ME.
- YOU'RE RIGHT,
RIFFRAFF, DARLING.
- RIGHT. ANYONE CAN
MAKE A STUPID MISTAKE.
- OW!
HEY, WHERE ARE
YOU TWO GOING?
- WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
TO KNOW?
- ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GO.
- FINE AND DANDY
LIKE SUGAR CANDY.
WE'RE ALWAYS HANDY.
- LET'S GO EAT.
- GIRLS. WHO CAN FIGURE THEM?
- [HOWLING]
- YOU KNOW, WHEN CATS LOOK LIKE
THEY'RE FIGHTING,
SOMETIMES THEY'RE JUST PLAYING
WITH EACH OTHER.
IF YOU HAVE TWO CATS WHO FIGHT,
YOU SHOULDN'T PUNISH THE WINNER.
MOST OF THE TIMES THEY'RE
JUST TRYING TO ESTABLISH
WHO'S THE BOSS.
- I'M WINNING!
I'M WINNING! YEOW!
- I GUESS THEY'LL HAVE TO LEARN
WHO REALLY IS BOSS.
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THE GANG
WILL REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE
CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y ♪
THEY'LL MAKE SOME HISTORY
AND ALWAYS HAVE
AN ALIBI-I-I ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH O-OH O-O-OH O-OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU