Mad About You s01e22 Episode Script

Ooh, is that cute.
Thank you.
- What's for dinner? - Anything you want.
I can't do everything around here.
- What's going on? - The painter's coming tomorrow.
What painter? I thought we're doing that together.
That's what I thought back in October.
By February, I saw the light.
What's the rush? Every time I walk in here, I feel like the walls are smirking like they know they have nothing to worry about.
Well, gee, honey.
I don't get that at all.
- Well, I hired a painter.
- Oh, yeah? How much? Cheap.
He's an old friend.
I ran into him on the subway.
- Who's that? - Sherman.
Williams? Yes.
You got Sherman Williams to paint our apartment? You're thinking of Sherwin Williams.
Well, it's close enough.
I'm very encouraged.
Hey, let me help you.
Geez.
- I need to move the refrigerator.
- For God's sake, be careful.
Use your legs.
Tell me why I love you like I do Tell me who Can start my heart as much as you Tell me all your secrets and I'll tell you most of mine They say nobody's perfect Well, that's really true this time I don't have the answers I don't have a plan But I'm mad about you, baby So help me understand What we do You can whisper in my ear Where we go Who knows what happens after here Let's take each other's hand As we jump into the final frontier I'm mad about you, baby Yeah I'm mad about you Your head has good bounce.
If you guys aren't here to work, then split.
- She's got way too much energy.
- Fran, stop killing yourself.
Oh, what else do I have to do on a Saturday? - Where's Ryan? - In Florida with my parents.
Oh, tough day for everyone.
Hey, I can't believe I'm finally gonna meet Sherman.
Make sure he uses primer and does the trim in a lighter shade.
Relax.
He's excellent.
- You've used him before? - Yes.
- And he's good? - Yes.
Are we talking about painting? No.
- Oh, well, this is very interesting.
- What? This is suddenly very interesting.
I thought you said he was a friend.
We went out for a month in 1985.
What, is this gonna bother you? Ah, well, how did it end? He dumped her.
He didn't dump me.
So you're still going out with him? - No, he dumped her.
- Now, what he said was he loved me so much he'd be destroyed if I left him so he had to leave me first.
- I used that line once.
- Yeah, but she bought it.
- Comin' through.
- Whoa, whoa! - Oh, it's painter boy.
- Stop it.
- Is this gonna bother you? - Hey, I ain't the one who got dumped.
How can you get dumped by someone named Sherman? Hello.
I'm Sherman.
Can I be honest? I was expecting shorter.
I know.
I'm bigger than I need to be.
No, no, that's Come on in.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Thanks for doing this on such short notice.
- I promise I'll do a good job.
- I know you will.
No, I mean it.
If I don't, I'll pay for someone to redo it.
Sherman, it's okay.
You met Paul? And this is Ira.
Ira, this is Sherman.
Rambo.
If they find you here, they will kill you.
- Hi.
Bedroom? - Yes.
That's Fran.
She comes in twice a week.
Hey, let me get that for you.
I put it over there for you.
- Hi.
- And this is my sister Lisa.
Oh, Jamie used to always talk about you.
I'm better now.
So, where would you like to start? - How about the bedroom? - I'll show him.
I'll be right there, okay? I could look like him if I cared to.
You know, women don't go for that.
- Your sister's scaring the painter.
- Lisa! No! Well, whatever you went through in '85 was worth it 'cause our walls are gonna look great.
Well, that's why I did it.
How bad did this guy hurt you? 'Cause I would love to get the floors sanded.
Why? Did he say something? I'm just getting a feeling he's sorry he let you go.
- Really? - Yeah.
Good.
- What are you making here? - A snack for Sherman.
"A snack for Sherman.
" I think I read that in kindergarten.
I thought you were gonna play paddleball with Ira.
We don't play paddleball.
We play racquetball.
Wanna come with us? - And do what? - Watch.
Isn't it a closed room? I'll come out between games.
I'll give you reports.
- That sounds like fun.
- Could be.
I'm just gonna hang around here, if that's okay.
- Sure.
- You sure you don't mind? - What? - Me hanging around here.
That's why we pay rent.
No, I mean with Sherman.
- Why would I mind? - I don't know.
We have a history.
I just thought it might make you a little uncomfortable.
I'm sorry.
Am I being a bad husband by not being jealous? Only a little.
'Cause, you know, if I am, you could get another one and I'll pay for it.
- Don't make fun of him.
- I'm not making fun.
- He's a nice guy.
- And sensitive.
Let me finish.
And very sensitive.
- We used to walk in the rain and cry.
- And these were the good times? Here we go.
Tuna on rye.
- If you don't like fish - don't come to Nantucket.
- Oh, my God.
You remember that? - What is that? Just old times.
I got those.
All right.
You guys got everything you need.
Hey, cute little belly button there.
- I'm not gonna forget this.
- It was an accident.
How do you mistake my head for a little blue ball? You have very small features.
You've been a crazy man all day.
What's your problem? - No problem.
- Oh, no, you got a problem.
- I got no problem.
- Is it the good-lookin' painter guy? - He's not that good-looking.
- Come on.
He's a statue with pants.
Look, if you lose her, you lose her.
It's no reason to beat up on me.
Who said anything about losing her? I know you, all right? This great-lookin' guy who used to bounce your wife is up in the apartment with her and you're thinkin' all kinds of stupid things.
Why do you gotta say bounce? There's no other verb you could use? I'm just tryin' to create a picture here, that's all.
I told Springsteen, "Tough.
I am not makin' a demo.
" Look, it's got nothin' to do with trust.
I love my wife, and I trust my wife.
Yeah? Then why do you keep tilting the machine? - Because you're makin' me nuts! - What are you afraid of, Paulie? You thinkJamie's gonna wind up like Debbie What's-Her-Face? - Lang? - No, no, the other one.
- Ehrlich? - Yeah.
Debbie Ehrlich didn't sleep with that guy until after we broke up.
Well, you believe what you want to believe.
I will.
- Anyway, Jamie ain't her.
- I know.
- You got a real gem there, pal.
- Tell me something I don't know.
Well, then remember it.
Otherwise, you're gonna wind up out here like me.
I'm tellin' you, it's a sad state of affairs.
And all I need are three backup singers.
Sweetie? Honey? Jamie? It's me.
Open up, James! - What the hell is goin' on? - I'm on my break.
- James? - She's not here.
Fran.
Thank God.
- Hello? - Hi.
I got you that shirt we saw at Macy's.
Oh, Macy's! Oh, boy! I love Macy's.
Oh, it's a great store, isn't it? It's just such a big It's a big Macy's store.
You know what I mean? I haven't told you this.
A friend of my parents When I was a kid, a friend of ours used to work in Macy's.
Downstairs.
He sold belts to the people that came into Macy's.
He'd just sell the belts.
He's dead now.
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, well, thank you.
- What happened to the door? - Say what? Oh, look at that! Geez.
I guess Sherman got a little overzealous with the sander, huh? Where is he now? He's sort of gone.
- Is he coming back? - Sort of no.
What happened? Nothing.
- You had a fight, didn't you? - No.
Oh, my God.
You had a jealous fight, and he threw you through the door.
Are you all right? Now, why do you assume he would throw me through - Why wouldn't I throw him? - Physics.
- I'll be right back.
- I have no doubt.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Come in.
- Oh, thank you.
I didn't think I'd be welcome here.
You are being so good about this.
- About what? - Didn't Paul tell you? - Tell me what? - Oh, nothing.
- Never mind.
- No, no, no.
Come here.
- Hi.
- You're really a gentleman.
- Yeah, well, you know.
- You guys, what is going on? - Nothing.
- I slept with Sherman.
And that.
You and Sherman? I don't believe it.
- Yes.
- My Sherman? - Excuse me? - I mean, you know, my painter? Great save.
How could you do that? I'm not judging, but how could you do that? I don't know.
I went home, and I started thinking about him and I had lunch and I was still thinking about him and I took a cab back downtown and I stopped at the drugstore and I came up here and it was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
- What about Mark? - What about him? - Well, you know - He wouldn't care.
- How can you say that? - Because it's true.
Because he left me, okay? He moved out two weeks ago.
I'm gonna go watch TV.
- It's okay.
- No, 'cause golf is on.
I didn't want anybody to know.
- What happened? - I'm not sure.
He bought this crock of seven-dollar mustard, and we had a fight and he started staying at the Chelsea Plaza.
- Seven dollars for mustard? - That was my point.
- Have you talked to him? - I've tried.
- Do you want us to talk to him? - Us who? - Me and you.
I'll get our coats.
- Wait, I don't think she wants - Yes, she does.
- I'll get the coats.
Tell him I have all his cashmere socks and if he's not home by 6:00 tonight, I'll start shredding a sock an hour.
Okay.
Sock an hour.
I got it.
And tell him I love him.
And tell him I want it to work out and Don't worry.
We'll tell him everything.
- Wait - Not everything.
Hello, Room Service? Yeah.
This is Dr.
Devanow in room 618.
Listen, I've gotta tell you this is the best club sandwich I've ever had.
No, seriously.
Because the bacon was just crisp enough to provide traction so the tomatoes don't slide.
Yeah, sure, I'll hold.
- Hi.
- Hi.
She told you, didn't she? No, actually we're staying here for the weekend.
Come on in.
- Who's reading Surfer Digest? - I am.
Log Cabin Living.
Soldier of Fortune.
See these guys? See this guy right here with the ammo belt? That's me.
You have a tattoo that says "meet your maker"? These guys, they live on the edge, minute to minute.
Their whole life isn't planned out in some daily planner, you know? Because they don't have wives who love them.
Actually, they do.
Look.
"Mercenary Wives.
" So, what did Fran tell you? She said you had a fight and moved out.
I don't understand.
Did you ever wake up one day and just wonder Everyone wakes up that day.
It doesn't mean that they act on it.
- I did.
- Why? I don't know, Jamie.
I swear to God I wish I knew.
I really do.
Did you ever see that movie Alien? Only the first one.
Well, it's like that.
It's like there's this thing that's living inside me, and it's eating me alive.
And I swear, if I don't get rid of it, it'll come bursting through my chest.
I mean, believe me, the last thing I want to do is hurt Fran but I see her sitting home alone in that empty apartment Well, listen, I'm sure she gets out once in a while.
You know, like, to the market or whatever.
- Have you tried explaining this to her? - I can't.
- What do you mean? You have to.
- I wouldn't know what to say.
- Would it help if someone was there? - Like a counselor.
- Or a friend.
- Or a counselor.
Come on, go get dressed.
Oh, look, honey.
We are here.
- It smells like paint.
- Yeah, we're having the place Good boy.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You look great.
- I don't feel great.
Well, you look great.
You have this kind of glow.
Doesn't she have like a kind of glow? - No.
- I see no glow.
Well, you look radiant.
What is it? Rage.
Look, Fran, I know this is hard, but this is truly the best thing for now.
- For who? - For you.
For me.
How could you walk out on me like this? Not even a word.
He leaves me a note on his prescription pad.
- I thought it would be best.
- You know I can't read your writing.
You know how frustrating that is? Look, what he wants you to know is, see guys often have this thing you know, this creature bursting out of the chest thing that's very common, 'cause a lot of, you know Mark, help me out here.
You're doin' fine.
Fran, I love you.
I love our son and our life and everything that we have together.
And that's why you moved out? - I need something more.
- More what? - More me.
- Trust me, Mark.
Too much of you is too much.
Paul, tell him.
Well, too much of anyone is a lot.
- You see, what I mean is - Tell her the alien thing.
- No, she won't understand.
- Well, it was good the way you said it.
You said it very He was very good, you know.
- Sherman.
- Hi.
- Honey, it's Sherman the painter.
- Yes, it is.
Look at that.
- Look, I just want to apologize.
- For what? It was nothing.
Bye.
Really, it was wrong.
This is your home.
- Take it off the bill.
- Bye.
- Hi, Fran.
- Fran, have you met Sherman? This is Sherman.
This is Fran, and that's her husband Mark.
- Her husband.
- Oh, I didn't know you were married.
Oh, yes, she is.
That's her husband right there, Mark.
It's a pleasure.
Well, it was good to meet you.
But I don't want to intrude.
Thank you.
Well, good to see you.
Okay, thank you.
Nice guy.
Is he any good? - Yes.
- Yes.
I have an idea.
Listen, why don't you have him paint our place, okay? Redo the whole apartment, okay? Like you always wanted.
What do you think you can do? Buy me off with a couple of buckets of paint? No, I want to do something for you, and I don't know what to do.
I know both of you better than anyone, you know.
- I think you're just going through - It's a rough time.
- It's a bad patch, a lull.
- It's not a lull, but it's A conflict, a struggle, a period of adjustment.
Honey, help or go in the bedroom, okay? Okay.
- Anyway - James why don't you go with him? Are you sure? Yeah.
Okay, we'll be right in here if you, you know - Honey? - I'm gonna be sick.
It's the paint fumes.
I know.
I know.
I just want to go out there and do something.
Well, we don't even know what's wrong.
Well, it's something.
You know, they're gonna work.
They're always gonna be Fran and Mark.
They've always been Fran and Mark, and they'll always be Fran and Mark.
Fran can't be Fran without Mark, and Mark can't be Mark without Fran.
Otherwise, they'd be Fran and Mark.
But, you know, they're not.
They're Fran and Mark.
- Oh, look at that.
- What? It's Fran and Mark.
- Where are they going? - I don't know.
At least they left together.
Are they talking or yelling? - Looks like they're talking.
- No, that's yelling.
- How do you know? - She used to be my boss.
He's got his hand on her arm.
Good sign.
- He let go.
- She's stepping back.
- But he's goin' after her.
- She's gonna slap him.
No, no.
She's hailing a cab.
He's opening the door.
She's getting in.
Get in, Mark.
Get in with her.
Go home.
Maybe he has to go up to the hotel to check out or something.
You think? No.
- Did you change these sheets? - Believe me.
Ayear of marriage, and this is what it took to get you to make the bed? See? Life is full of little surprises.
Hold me.