Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s01e22 Episode Script

1 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Paranoid much, Quill? I'm trying to lose a tail, Gamora.
You do not have a tail.
Rocket has a tail, but it is attached to him.
(GROANS) He means he thinks someone's following us, Drax.
I am Groot.
'Cause we might lead them to the Cosmic Seed, dummy! Keep it down.
We can't let our enemies know we're going to Earth.
I got fond memories of the place.
Right.
Which is why you ain't been back once in 25 years, was it? Even though you got your own spaceship.
Okay.
So I've got a lot of not-so-fond memories.
Doesn't mean I want to see it blown up like the Fourth of July.
It's an Earth reference.
You know, why do I bother? So, what's the plan? I need to find Cosmo.
You guys distract our shadow.
For the record, it's a lousy plan.
But if you want a distraction (BEEPING) (CITIZENS GASPING) (CITIZENS SCREAMING) Come on! We gotta get outta here! (CITIZENS CLAMORING) ROCKET: Now, that's what I call a distraction.
- Halt, Guardians! - Huh? We were being followed by that Sakaaran.
Quill was right.
Had to happen once in our lifetime.
What say you save us all some time and surrender now? My thoughts exactly.
Korath! Destroy them! I told Quill this was a lousy plan! (YELLS) (GRUNTING) I am Groot! (GRUNTS) You said it, bud.
Not for long! (YELLING) (YELLS) Still seeking redemption for your past, sister? Better than running errands for Daddy Thanos, brother! (YELLS) (BOTH GRUNTING) Where is your leader? The so-called Star-Lord? (GRUNTS) (SCREAMS) Never heard of him.
(GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) (GROANS) Perhaps he's already on his way to the Cosmic Seed.
Through the Continuum Cortex.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING) Cosmo! Oh, just the dog I'm looking for.
I need you to Use Continuum Cortex to teleport to Earth.
Cosmo read Quill's mind.
Please do wear passport wristband so Cosmo can retrieve Peter Quill from somewhere on Earth? Yeah.
I know where to go, but I don't know you know? (BEEPS) Cosmo reads minds.
Understanding is different story.
Well, I think the location of the Cosmic Seed is buried in my subconscious.
Ah! Is like digging for bone inside Peter Quill's mind.
Cosmo find, then telepathically program into Continuum Cortex.
Stay.
Stay.
(SNIFFING) (GROANS) Peter Quill's mind is pigsty.
(SNIFFING) (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) BOY: We went over this yesterday, dweeb! This hallway is my territory, and you gotta pay the toll.
You already took my money, Coogan.
Well, there's more than one way to pay up, Petey.
(ECHOING) Peter, my little Star-Lord.
GAMORA: (OVER SPEAKER DEVICE) Quill, you were right.
- Korath is tailing you.
- I gotta go.
- Now! - Cosmo find something but not sure is Seed.
- Need one more look.
- (WHIMPERS) No time! (DISTANT CHATTERING) I can't believe it.
This is my hometown.
It looks exactly like it did when I left.
(WHINING) What are you doing? (GROANS) Cosmo forgot how good on back feels Real Earth grass.
(CHUCKLES) Wait.
You've had access to something that can teleport you anywhere in the galaxy, and you never once used it to come home? Cosmo have responsibilities on Knowhere.
Besides, who is Peter Quill for to talk? That's different.
I never wanted to go home.
There's nothing here for me anymore.
Except maybe the Cosmic Seed.
Cosmo not sure.
In Quill's mind, see school, woods, farmhouse The house where I grew up had an underground tornado shelter.
Maybe my dad hid the Cosmic Seed there.
Where is the Star-Lord? (PEOPLE GASPING) - WOMAN: Who? - MAN: It's a space alien! Run! (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) COSMO: Ugh! Is humiliating.
Cosmo naked.
PETER: Look, you had to get rid of that space suit.
People were staring.
Peter Quill look in mirror lately? What? This outfit is totally cable music channel.
Seriously? The Earth dog doesn't get the Earth reference? Cosmo not back to Earth since days of Sputnik.
Also, remember Cosmo is dog.
Hey, where's my comic book store? And the record store's gone too! And what happened to the video arcade? Bigger question why does town need four coffee shops in one block? And why is everybody staring at their tape players? OFFICER: Hold it right there.
I'm guessing you're not from around here, but we got a leash law, and you are in direct violation.
(GASPS) Him? Uh, no.
He's not mine, Officer.
(COOING) Hey! Where'd you come from, pooch? (GROWLING) COSMO: Coogan.
Is same name as bully that used to pick on Peter Quill, no? Did you say, "Peter Quill"? (SOFTLY) Will you stop with the telepathy? This is why I didn't wanna come back to Earth.
Uh, yeah.
Uh, I mean (IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) everybody knew Peter Quill.
Most popular kid in school.
Destined for greatness.
More like a sad little wimp who disappeared without a trace.
But I have been looking into it.
Now, why do I get the feeling that you're not telling me something? (EXPLOSION) (PEOPLE GASPING) (CHATTERING) MAN: Hey! What is that? (CHATTERING CONTINUES) (BEEPS) (WHIRRING) PETER: Oh, man, Korath? Not here.
Actually, this is why I didn't wanna come back to Earth.
Hey! Come on.
We steal car? Borrow.
Big difference.
Um, yeah.
I don't know how to drive.
You pulling on Cosmo's leg, no? Oh, give me a break.
I was a little kid when Yondu took me away.
I didn't exactly have a driver's license.
Cosmo drive.
(ENGINE REVVING) (TIRES SCREECHING) COOGAN: Come back here! KORATH: Star-Lord.
Whoa! (TIRES SCREECHING) COSMO: Please to keep wheel steady.
We lose cop, but not Korath.
I know how to shake him.
Wind in face! Cosmo like! (HORN BLARING) (YELLING) (TIRES SCREECHING) COSMO: Peter Quill shake Korath, but not for good.
We just need to get across the old Wilcox River Bridge.
- Why does town need two bridges? - What? Oh, man, that didn't used to be there.
(GROANS) COSMO: Korath is gaining on us.
Cosmo put metal to pedal.
PETER: No.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no! COSMO: Do not step on brake.
(ENGINE REVVING) Trust Cosmo.
(TIRES SCREECH) That was awesome! Where did you get that insane idea? From brain of Peter Quill.
Is just like favorite television show, da? Da.
Oh, here's another one I got from TV.
(TIRES SCREECHING) (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) Star-Lord! Ah, show with pastel-wearing police in Miami.
Cosmo find in Quill's brain.
(SIREN WAILING) (SCREAMS) (TIRES SCREECHING) (SIREN BLARES AND STOPS) (ENGINE SHUTS OFF) Out of the vehicle.
Hands where I can see them.
(SOFTLY) Cosmo, use your power to knock him out.
Was just about to.
Peter Quill read Cosmo's mind.
Ironic, no? Suspect is armed.
Subduing now.
(BOTH SCREAMING) (COSMO GROANS) (SNORING AND MUTTERS) (SNORING) Mmm (GASPS) Huh? (GROANS) Cosmo? You know, you shouldn't drive around in stolen cars with toys like this.
I can explain.
Save it.
My squad's dealing with UFO sightings and a jackknifed big rig thanks to some jaywalker with a sparkler.
No, what I wanna hear is what you know about the Peter Quill missing persons case.
Wasn't that, like, a lifetime ago? It's personal, okay? I bullied him back in school, but I had no idea his mom was so sick, and I guess I just want to make it right.
I'm Peter Quill.
I was abducted by aliens when I was a kid.
I haven't been back to Earth until now.
But you need to let me out, because you're all in danger from the interstellar bounty hunter I accidentally led here.
(CHUCKLING) (LAUGHING) Yeah, right.
(LAUGHING) (SCREAMS) (WHIMPERS) KORATH: Peter Quill.
Aah! (GRUNTS) (SCREAMING) Okay, wait.
If he's Then you're Petey? Call me Star-Lord.
COOGAN: Seriously? What kind of name is Star-Lord? Only the coolest name ever.
Now let's get outta here before he melts.
(GRUNTS) (GRUNTS) (COOGAN SCREAMING) (WHIMPERING) No animal control cage can hold Cosmo.
Be gone (GRUNTS) Foul beast! (BARKS) Hmm.
Show yourselves! (GRUNTS) Somebody need bailing out? More aliens? We are surrounded! Chill.
They're with me.
"Duct tape"? Stupid name.
But greatest stuff ever! And here I thought this backwater dirtball of a planet was totally useless.
Hey! This backwater dirtball is my home! All right.
Don't get your hairless hide in a bunch.
I said I loved your tape.
We'll be back to take Korath off your hands.
But right now, we gotta find that Seed.
I'm coming with you.
That's not a good idea.
This could be really dangerous.
Look, you'll need my help getting around town without being noticed.
And nothing this cool ever happens around here.
Please.
Fine.
On one condition.
COOGAN: (ON PA) Petey Quill is way cooler than Mikey Coogan.
- Always has been, always will be.
- PETER: Again.
COOGAN: Petey Quill is way cooler than Mikey Coogan.
Always has been, always will be.
PETER: Now less like a little girl.
(GROANS) COOGAN: (IN DEEPER VOICE) Petey Quill is way cooler than Mikey Coogan.
Always has been, always will be.
Okay.
Are you happy now? Quill, your house is huge.
Are all these vehicles yours? My house is a mall? I should've told you before, Petey, but the, uh the old Quill farm was sold to a developer.
Let's get a chrono-scan of what the place used to look like.
(SIGHS) Just like I remembered.
Sort of.
All right.
Look, the house may be gone, but the shelter's still there under the mall.
I've just gotta figure out how to reach it.
I got something in here might do the trick.
Told you I'd get you guys around without being noticed.
Except for that walking tree, of course.
I mean, who could ever have a disguise for that? (SONG PLAYING ON SPEAKER) Aw.
Mind if I take a peek at your little bundle of joy? (GRUNTS) Bundle this, lady! Ohh! (WHIMPERING) What other Earth foods do you have on sticks? (MUMBLING) (DOGS BARKING) Comrades, you have nothing to lose but your leashes.
Run! Live! Be free! (BARKING CONTINUES) Store 10,000 songs? On your phone? Oh, yeah! (DEVICE BEEPING) Guys, I found it.
We just block off the area and tunnel down to the shelter.
Stay back, Earth citizens, or suffer the wrath of Drax the Destroyer.
Dial it back, big guy.
Adjustable implosive.
I put it at the lowest setting to keep it quiet and limit the blast radius.
(BEEPING) PETER: There's the shelter.
Let's move.
Now, if I was a Cosmic Seed, I might be hiding in there.
You might wanna step back for this part, Coogan.
Dude, is that (SNICKERS) your magazine collection? No! Comic books.
(AIR RAID SIREN BLARING) (BOTH GASP) (PEOPLE CLAMORING) GAMORA: Korath's brought reinforcements.
More aliens? (ALL GRUNT) And not the cute phone-home kind.
(AIR RAID SIREN BLARING) KORATH: Star-Lord! Give me the Cosmic Seed, or I will turn your flesh inside out! (ALL GRUNT) Well, these Area 51 rejects are going down.
- Dude, I totally get that reference.
- Yes! I really don't wanna know what these human replicas are supposed to be used for.
(GRUNTING AND GROANING) So, loan me one of those cool laser guns? Please? Yeah, okay, I'm gonna go with a no on that one.
But if you wanna help, you can evacuate the mall and get everyone to safety.
(GRUNTING) Yeah.
Sure.
Whatever.
(LASERS FIRING) Earth delicacies.
(GRUNTING) Must have more! COSMO: Big sale.
Everything must go! (GRUNTS) (GRUNTING) PETER: Korath, they got free samples at the pretzel stand.
(TOY SQUEAKS) Run all you wish, Star-Lord.
I will hunt you as long as I draw breath! (GRUNTS) (YELLS) (GRUNTS) That didn't take long.
I am Groot! (GRUNTS) ROCKET: Seriously? You were there the whole time? (WEAPONS CONTINUE FIRING) The rodent! Where is he? Say, "Hello" to my fuzzy friends! (GRUNTING) Krutack! Power surge fried the implosive's settings to full - and triggered a countdown.
- Is that bad? Only if you don't want this whole place to scrunch down to the size of my fist.
(YELLING) Let me guess.
You can't shut it off.
As a matter of fact, Miss Smarty-pants, I can shut it off! Just maybe not in the time we got left in the countdown.
DRAX: Work quickly.
We will protect you.
(SAKAARAN YELLS) (SAKAARANS GRUNT) (WHIMPERS) All right.
Everyone's been evacuated.
Now, will you please let me have a laser? Coogan, get out! It's too dangerous! I'm not some civilian, okay? And it's the least I can do to make up for how I treated you in school.
Fine.
Here's a spare.
But be careful.
(DEVICE BEEPING) Bad news, chief.
I can't stop this thing.
We got T minus 20 seconds till critical mass! And nowhere to run.
Aah! Save the duct tape! (BEEPING CONTINUES) The passport wristband! Everybody hold hands, and don't ask questions.
(KORATH YELLS) Cowering together will not protect you, Star-Lord.
Now tell me the location of the Cosmic Seed, or Uh-huh.
Hold that thought.
(BEEPS) (BEEPING CONTINUES) (TRAFFIC RUMBLING IN THE DISTANCE) (CAR HONKING) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING CONTINUES) (SCREAMING STOPS) I am Groot.
Sorry.
Well, on the bright side, there's plenty of space to rebuild your house, Quill.
Is Korath in there? He doesn't deserve your sorrow.
It is not for him.
I mourn the loss of Earth's finest food on a stick.
(SLURPS) I am Groot? Good point.
What do we do about them? (CHATTERING) Cosmo make them forget.
(MURMURING) Cosmo make friend Coogan forget too.
Let him keep his memories.
I'd say he's earned it.
Plus, somebody in this town has to remember how awesome Peter Quill is.
You're lucky you got out of this town, Petey.
There's nothing here for ya.
Well, maybe there's one thing left.
This stuff's amazing! I could build a whole 'nother ship out of it! (LAUGHS) (WOMAN VOCALIZING) QUILL: I'm home, Mom.
And I saved the galaxy.
Pretty cool, right?