Mom s01e22 Episode Script

Previously on Mom: - Are you okay? - No.
Something's wrong.
Call 911.
Don't you die, you son of a bitch.
We're not done with this.
Hey, uh, my ex is having a heart attack, or my prayers are being answered.
All depends how quick you get here.
Christy, come here.
- What's he saying? - I'd rather not repeat it.
- So, he'll be okay? - Yeah.
I should think so.
You'll probably be able to take him home tomorrow.
Oh, thank God.
That's great news.
For you.
He's gonna need to take it easy for a couple of weeks.
Is there somebody available to provide care? What are you looking at me for? I've got a full-time job, and I'm gonna have to deal with Violet.
No.
I am not doing it.
No, no, no.
No.
Oh, my God.
She still loves him.
You have no idea how funny this is.
- What? - Just thinking about God.
- What about him? - He is just such a scamp.
He puts Alvin back into our lives.
That's good.
Gives him a heart attack.
That's bad.
But makes you realize you still love him.
- What? - And that's good.
I don't love him.
I despise him.
Uh-huh.
Keep telling yourself that.
I have no feelings for your father.
- God begs to differ.
- Leave God out of this.
- Woe unto thee who denieth his will.
- Stop that! Thy kingdom come, et cetera.
Your father abandoned me after you were born.
- How could I ever love that bastard? - Don't ask me.
Ask the scamp.
Seems to me the moment Alvin's heart stopped beating yours started.
That's it.
Get out.
You're walking home.
- The house is right there.
- Okay.
Stay in.
I'm gonna drive you further away.
1x22 - Smokey Taylor and a Deathbed Confession So what's the plan? You working tonight? Oh, don't remind me.
Would you keep Roscoe quiet while I grab a quick nap? - I am exhausted.
- Sure.
And I do not love your father.
Oh, my God.
Where have you been? - My water broke.
- Okay.
Okay.
Uh, stay calm.
- Here we go.
- We need a new bathroom rug.
- How was your nap? - Bite me.
- Roscoe?! - What? - Why aren't you wearing pants? - I was relaxing.
Damn it.
Come on.
Hey.
How's she doing? Son of a bitch! That's the nicest thing she's said in the last hour.
- The doctor's in with her now.
- Cool.
Oh.
Hey, buddy.
You want to go hang out with your old dad? I want to stay and see the baby.
Roscoe, we talked about this.
I don't care.
I want to see the baby.
Let me explain it to him.
Look up at me and nod like I'm saying something smart.
How we doing, Doc? She's three centimeters, so we still have a little time.
Okay.
Why don't you go check on Alvin and I'll hang with Violet.
Why don't YOU go check on Alvin and I'll hang with Violet.
'Cause she's my daughter and he's your long-lost lover.
Do you want to go to ICU? Because it's right there.
Ah.
Bring it! Come on.
Show me what you got! Okay.
I have rounds.
- But I was gonna be an uncle.
- Hey.
I was gonna be the voice of an animated character in a Pixar movie.
But things don't always work out.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about waking up one day and realizing that you've wasted your life chasing stupid dreams.
You got to get ready for that.
Somehow we forgot to bring your toothbrush, but I can run downst - What are you doing? - I'm going home.
- You're kidding, right? - Mm-mm.
I'm not doing this.
Now, where are my freaking shoes? I don't understand.
Is this about the adoption? No.
I don't want to have the baby.
It's gonna hurt! You're just figuring that out now? Okay.
Breathe.
Breathe.
I can breathe at home! Now, let's roll! Hmm.
Morphine.
Now I want a heart attack.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Did you come back to finish the job? Don't be silly.
I like seeing you weak and diminished.
- Still, thanks for coming to visit.
- Eh don't flatter yourself.
I'm only here 'cause Violet's upstairs having the baby.
Oh right.
How's she doing? She's fine.
She's surrounded by loved ones.
Speaking of which, where's your wife and children? I haven't told them yet.
- Why not? - I don't want them to worry.
Well, don't expect me to, either.
You wouldn't be here if you weren't.
Shh go to the light.
You shouldn't be sad.
You have lots of reasons to live.
- Like what? - Um give me a second.
- Damn it, Violet.
Get back in bed! - No! I want to go home! Sweetie, even if you leave the hospital, that baby is still coming out.
Not if I hold it in.
Now, get out of my way! I will not! Now, you need to get in bed - and just let things happen.
- That's how I got here.
Okay.
Well, that's a conversation for another time.
Come on.
Lay down.
It's not fair.
My friend Rachel had sex with her boyfriend, and she didn't get pregnant.
She even had sex with Alissa's boyfriend and didn't get pregnant.
My only takeaway from all that is that Rachel's a slut.
Oh.
Okay.
All right.
Just breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Ooh.
I have an idea.
What are you doing? I'm making a video for you to watch the next time you think about having unprotected sex.
That's not funny.
Look at the camera.
Look at the camera.
- Enough? - Yeah.
Thanks.
So, ever think in a million years you and I'd be together like this? First of all, we're not together.
And secondly, I have dreamed of standing over your dying body for decades.
So, you dream about me? Listen, the doctor said this was a small heart attack, but if the big one's coming I need you to know how sorry I am.
Oh, please.
Spare me the deathbed confession.
I can't.
Running out on you when Christy was born was the stupidest thing I've ever done.
And I'll never forgive myself.
- That was a long time ago, Alvin.
- So, you forgive me? - Would that give you peace? - Yeah.
Then I'm gonna say suck it.
If it matters at all, I had my will rewritten to include you and Christy and the kids.
Really? Signed and filed? Yeah.
Shh go to the light.
You know, when your mom kicked me out, I thought, "Okay.
I'm free.
I can party.
I can date lots of girls.
It's all good, right?" Sounds good.
It's not.
It's lonely out there, kiddo.
And I am not getting any younger.
Living in my van is getting less cute everyday.
You're still cute, Dad.
Thanks.
But we both know I'm borderline creepy.
Would ice cream make you feel better? Couldn't hurt.
Come on.
Let's go.
You got any money? Shouldn't Luke be here by now? He was too high to drive, so he took the bus.
He smokes pot on the day you're having the baby? Don't make a big deal about it.
He smokes pot every day.
- Violet? - There he is.
- Luke? - Where are you? I'm in here.
- I'm coming, baby.
- Luke! In here! Violet? You just walked past me.
Violet! Luke! Violet! "Every day," you say? All right, Mr.
Biletnikoff, - everything's looking good.
- Thanks, Doc.
Be back to check on you in the morning.
- Mrs.
Biletnikoff.
- I'm not Mrs.
Biletnikoff.
Mrs.
Biletnikoff left him for a a guy on Facebook.
Okay.
Try to stay calm.
Hey.
I push this button, and the nurse is here in a second! Relax.
I'm just fluffing.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- Mmm.
And I've decided to accept your apology.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's time to move on.
Thank you, Bonnie.
That means a lot to me.
Forget about it.
Mm-mm.
You know, my heart's not strong enough for sex.
Don't tempt me.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Oh.
- Thanks for getting here so fast.
- Of course.
- Hi.
- Hey.
How's Violet? Oh, you know, a little crazy, a little mean.
But nothing that'll be passed down.
We brought some gifts for her.
I found a couple nice tops and some cool earrings.
Yes, the earrings are cool.
That's very thoughtful.
- Is there anything we can do? - I think we got it covered.
Unless you know how to do an episiotomy.
I-I don't.
- She's kidding.
- Oh.
Christy, something amazing just happened.
- Is the baby born? - Is the baby here? Oh, no.
Hi, hi.
Good to see you.
No, I was just making out with Christy's father.
You scamp.
Please, uh, excuse me for a second.
What happened to hating his guts? Oh, no, I don't think I ever said "hate.
" You said it, you sang it, you bought an unregistered handgun.
Violet! - Hey.
- Hey.
So how you feeling? - Much better.
- Yeah.
That's what I hear.
- She told you.
- Yep.
I don't know what to say.
It just happened.
You have any thoughts as to where this goes from here? You got me.
Right before we kissed, she tried to kill me.
Twice.
All right, well, you're both grown-ups.
I'm not gonna tell you how to live your lives.
- Thanks.
- But here's the thing.
She's just a few months sober and still pretty raw.
- You know, emotionally.
- I get it.
- Very fragile.
- Right.
Five-eleven in flats and crazy as a bag of rats.
That's the girl I fell in love with.
Oh, my God, we're at nine centimeters.
- I got to go.
- Go, go, go.
I'm really glad you're okay.
Violet, this isn't funny anymore! You're doing very well.
Let's try another push.
- I changed my mind.
- I told you, you can't go home.
You're having the baby.
No, I want to keep it.
You want to keep the baby? I'm never going through this pain again, so I have to keep this one.
Well, what about the Taylors? Tell them I am sorry, but I changed my mind.
Violet, you're in a lot of pain right now, so you might want to wait till after This is my baby.
I am keeping it! Okay.
Um - What do I do? - No idea.
- Do I go tell the Taylors? - I think you got to.
- You want to do it? - Hell no.
- Please? - No.
You suck.
Oh, hey.
You guys can't find her, either? - No, she's right down the hall.
- Oh.
Weird.
Excuse me.
If you don't mind, I'm gonna hang with you.
- Please.
- Thanks.
Oh, listen, now that I got you here, I want to run a couple baby names by you.
- Oh, okay.
Sure.
- If it's a boy Smokey.
Smokey? Smokey Taylor.
Who doesn't want to be Smokey Taylor? - You know, it's not that bad.
- Oh, no.
Now, if it's a girl Smokey.
- Hey.
- Is it here? No, no, no baby yet.
Um there has been a development, though.
Here, uh, why don't you sit down.
- Is she okay? - She's fine.
Um, the thing is - Where the heck did you go to?! - What? She changed her mind again.
- Really? - Really.
Uh looked like a breech birth, but then the baby did a little somersault, stuck the landing.
You need to start thinking gymnastics.
- Olympics 2032.
- USA! USA! USA! Smokey Taylor for the gold.
- What the hell happened? - The minute you walked out, she freaked and started yelling that she wasn't ready to be a mother.
How do we know she's not gonna freak and change her mind again? - We don't.
- I just hate this.
Hey, Bonnie.
- Oh, hi.
- Oh, God.
- How's Violet? - She's doing okay.
How are you doing? - I'm cool, I'm cool.
- Yeah, you are.
I hate to break this up, kids, but your great-grandchild is about to be born.
- I'll be up to check on you later.
- Right on.
- Oh, God, his gown is open.
- Yeah, he's showing off.
You did great, honey.
Thanks.
You were so brave.
How come my stomach's not smaller? Didn't anyone tell you? You're gonna be fat forever.
It just takes some time.
Would you like to hold your daughter? You don't have to, honey.
No.
I want to say good-bye.
Hey there, little girl.
I just want you to know that I'm doing this for you and that you are gonna have a wonderful life with your new mom and dad.
And they are gonna love you so much.
- I don't know what else to say.
- You said it.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Hi.
I'm Christy, and I'm an alcoholic.
Hi, Christy.
Today I'm one year sober.
And I'd like to say it was the best year of my life.
But the truth is it was a 365-day crap storm, starting with the woman I hated most in the world coming back into my life.
Mom, take a bow.
But I didn't drink.
My teenage daughter got pregnant, and I still didn't drink.
And then I met two incredible women here, both of whom I truly love and look up to.
One got cancer, and the other one went to jail.
Marjorie? Cancer.
Jail sends her love.
And then I tracked down my Dad, who I'd never met.
And we actually started to build a relationship.
Aw.
He just had a heart attack.
Oh.
And my Mom made out with him in the hospital.
Ooh.
And then yesterday, my daughter gave her baby up for adoption.
And that had to be the hardest thing I've experienced in my life.
But I didn't drink.
Didn't even think about it.
Okay, I thought about it, but I didn't want to.
Okay, I wanted to.
But I didn't do it.
It's funny.
I thought I got sober and my life fell apart.
But what really happened was I got sober just in time.
So thank you.