Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s01e22 Episode Script
Sorcerer in Love; Pranks for Nothing
1 Go ninja! I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! S'up, carp? The smell in the air.
It's romance.
Tonight's the "Magical Night Under the Stars Dance.
" So this is your last chance to find a date.
Howard.
We have to get dates! Dates.
Dates are for dudes who don't have bros to play vids with.
Oh! Hi.
I'm Amanda Levay.
This is my homeroom, so, see ya'.
- You hear that? - She said See ya'.
I'm so asking her to the dance.
Get in line.
Wow.
There actually is a line.
You're like, good-looking and stuff.
Prefer a man with a dark side? Hate to zing my own praises, but if you're into laughs, I'm your fella.
Oh, I would love to go to the dance with each of you, but I'm looking for the boy no, man, who understands true beauty.
I understand true beauty.
- I understand I'm looking right at it.
- That's exactly the kind of cheesy line you'll never hear if you go out with me.
Mmm, if I could only go with all of you.
Alas, my heart belongs only to whomever shows me the one thing in this school that is truly beautiful.
Beautiful.
- Hey, watch it! - Freeze it, you mopes.
No one goes anywhere without a hall pass.
And I hate writing hall passes! Lucky for you, the missus got me a McPass-Master hall pass printer.
Push the button, get a pass.
Uh, Mr.
Bannister? Your McPass-Master seems to have, uh passed us over.
McPass-Master has spoken.
Go sit down! Hmm? Ahh.
Dead flowers, putrefied flesh, and, uh lavender.
It's her! It's the Sorcerer! - Yes.
For eternity, you shall - suffer.
You dare interfere? You like to play rough, do you? Separately, we were powerful.
Together, we were nearly invincible.
Until Ah! What have you done? Ninja banished her to the Land of Shadows.
The Sorceress has one weakness.
She cannot see true beauty.
By sealing me in this tomb with the Eye of Eternities, the Ninja thought she'd never find me.
And yet, she is near.
This is not truly beautiful.
It's a ham.
- Real beaut, too.
- Uh-uh.
Man, I thought Bash had it for sure.
That ham was a stunner.
Someone's gonna find the most beautiful thing in the school.
It's only a matter of time.
Nyctimene robinsoni, the tube-nosed bat.
Sculpted from ear wax.
If we're gonna get out of this classroom, we need to work together.
But once we're on the other side of that door, - we go our separate ways.
- Deal.
You ready? Uh, you know it! Here we go, bloody nose, concerned friend, and action! It's OK, you're gonna make it.
It's way better than it looks.
Halt! You may not leave this room without McPass-Master's permission.
No time, Mr.
B! We got a gusher here.
- Good luck to you.
- Oh, no.
You good luck to you.
Ha! You're never gonna find it.
I'm gonna find it.
I'm gonna find it hard, and when I do it's gonna be insane.
Your Nomicon's ringing.
- I think you have to take that.
- I have to take that.
Have fun not finding the most beautiful thing in school.
Which is what I'll be doing while you're in the Nomicon.
"The eyes can be deceived but the nose always knows.
" Cute, Ninja-Nomicon.
I mean, not helpful, but cute.
- Didn't find it.
Did you? - No.
What'd your dumb book say? It said, "The nose always knows.
" Great.
Now we know even less.
It also said the eye deceives.
An eye is part of a face, so is a nose, and ears.
- Did the Nomicon say anything about ears? - No! So we need something that has eyes and a nose, but no ears.
The Carp's Eye! Above its nose and no ears.
It's the most beautiful thing in the school.
It is also full of ancient bird demon that possessed me, remember! Yes, but Amanda.
- We found it, Howard! - You mean I found it, Cunningham.
You wouldn't dare! - I gotta show you something.
- Hey, Amanda! Amanda! Hey.
- What's going on? - No.
You are not leaving this classroom under any circumstances.
McPass-Master has spoken.
- Well? - Mmm.
And to think it was under my nose - all this time.
- I know, right? You see, Amanda, the eye can be deceived, but the nose always knows.
That's how I found it.
- I found it.
- But really, I found it.
Let's talk dance.
Boys? - Mm-hmm? - Yes? Leave me! OK.
To once more do horrible, terrible things together.
Ahh.
Such sweet misery.
Hey, Amanda never told us who's taking her to the dance.
I should probably go back and ask her.
Hoo-hoo, no, you don't.
I'll go ask her.
- What the juice?! - Huh? She's all yours, Cunningham.
Uh, Amanda, or scary skull lady, or whoever you are.
It is on.
Smoke bomb! Ah, Ninja.
I've waited centuries for this.
Then you waited centuries to get your butt kicked! Ninja Butt Kick! Ninja.
Amanda.
Not Amanda! Oh! Well, well.
You can resist the Sorceress, but Amanda wants you to stand perfectly still.
- Amanda.
- Can you do that for me, sweetie? Uh-huh.
Curse you for making me hold this repulsive form.
It's so not repulsive.
You're only slowing down my reunion with - the Sorcerer.
- Wait, the Sorcerer? The Sorcerer's down there? Ninja Sp Eyes deceived.
Can't use eyes.
But the nose knows.
Ninja Smell-O-Vision.
Wow.
Anyone tell you that you smell bad? Like really bad.
Ninja Duck, Ninja Flip.
Ninja Slide, Ninja Slide.
Yeah, baby.
Ah, come on! Boys.
Boys, I need help.
Boys? - We're here, my love.
- Get the Ninja! Save Amanda.
Howard, Bash? Bucky? OK, guys, I know Amanda's hot.
Super hot, but she's not Yes! Elbow drop! Ninja Taste Of Her Own Medicine.
Uh, fellas.
The Ninja's moving in on our girl! - Get him! - No! Get back, you animals! Ninja Flip.
Nooo! No! You guys OK? Amanda.
You can't have Amanda! Trust me, I don't want her.
Whoa.
She ain't pretty.
She's ugly.
OK, Sorceress.
Time to finish this.
Soon, Ninja.
The fight has only begun.
Ew! Smells like baloney and dead fish.
The nose did not need to know that.
Thanks to the Ninja, tonight's dance really is under the stars.
Cunningham, we can never let a girl - come between us again.
Deal? - Deal.
Wanna go to my house and get our Grave Punch on? - Hey.
- Wanna dance? - Sure do.
- She asked me! - Come on, Cunningham, - No! - let me have this one.
- Forget it.
800 years has done nothing to diminish your strength, Ninja.
So I must regain mine.
I said, "Ma, I know hand cream's expensive.
Why do you think I clipped the coupon?" Hey, that guy! I just remembered I have an appointment.
- Uh what's up, Bash? - Wanna be friends together? Um, of course.
Yeah, I mean, who wouldn't want to be your friend? Hmm.
Hmm? Wha what?! What the juice was that? You thought I was gonna shake your hand regular.
But instead, you got 'lectrocuted.
Ha-ha, oh.
I guess you got me.
Yeah, I'm gonna be getting you a lot.
'Cause I got all these wicked funny pranking things from my stepdad's science guy.
It's Bash's Prank-fest! And I'm Bash.
Yeah! Hmm? I already hate Prank-fest.
"Kick me.
" How clever.
Let me guess.
Now I get kicked.
How'd you know? Ow, ow, ow, ow! My Twirl Captain assured me this was impossible! Bash is close.
I can feel it.
Relax, Cunningham.
It's not that hard to outsmart Bash.
You just gotta keep your eyes open.
Huh? Incoming! I'm hit! It's Uh what is this? Sticky Sparkle.
You got pranked! How Bruce would it be to prank Bash in front of the entire school? On a scale of one to ten, that would be a Bruce-leven! We need something special.
Something guaranteed to deliver mega humiliation.
If we pranked Bash, we'd be looking at Sophomore-level respect, fo sho! - Maybe even unpopular junior.
- Hmm? Think on that.
I gotta take a Ninja-Nomicon.
Huh? "He who crosses the line must prepare for the fall that follows.
" You're right, Nomicon.
Bash has crossed the line, and he must fall.
Big time! - Howard, I know what we're going to do.
- Oh, good.
'Cause I got glitter in places I don't want to think about.
- You mean on your - Yes.
- And in your - Yes.
- And up your - Said I don't want to think about it! Once we're done with Bash, he's never gonna prank again.
If you guys pull this off, you deserve - Sophomore-level respect? - At least.
Fish sticks, I'm eating you first.
Then I'm coming after you, apple sauce.
And don't think you're escaping, chocolate milk.
OK, he's coming.
Act natural.
Whoa! Flippin' rocks! Hey! I got gravy in my no-no spots! - Smashing success, Cunningham.
- Wait for it.
Never bring a glitter bomb to a gravy and bean fight.
Pranks are only funny when they happen to people who aren't Bash.
We did it, Howard.
The ultimate prank! Yeah, it's amazing.
I feel like a whole new person.
Randy.
Howard.
Randy.
Howard.
Party at my house this weekend.
Sophomores and above.
But we can make an exception for you guys.
Sophomore-level respect! That one's played out.
Spin it again.
Hannibal, Bashford called.
He says the pranks are such a hit.
His schoolmates are asking for more.
I've already given him every product from the McFist Industries Novelty and Tomfoolery Division.
- Oh, poo.
- You made her poo, Viceroy, not good.
What's this thingamabob? Give him this! That's not a prank.
That's an untested molecular transmogrifier.
It fires a ray that randomly transforms the molecules of one object into another object.
Perfect! I love it.
Give it to the boy.
The MT is a highly unpredictable and extremely dangerous apparatus.
- I said give it to the boy! - Mm-kay.
Yeah.
I'm gonna call you Prank-Zooka.
You are advised to read this instruction manual.
Yeah.
Now smash that pie in your face! Whoo! I love this thing.
Come on, Prank-Zooka.
Let's go prank those prankers what pranked Bash Johnson, with a prank! Sophomore-level respect.
Till I find out who pranked me, I'm gonna prank the cheese out of the whole school! - Yeah! - Oh, no! How am I supposed to grade these dishes? Hope you enjoyed your Sophomore-level respect - while it lasted.
- Don't worry.
Bash will never find out we were the ones who pranked him.
You pranked me.
Want to know how I found out? I was standing right here when you said it.
Nice.
Listen, Bash, surely we can work this out Oh-oh! It's doing stuff it ain't supposed to do.
My worst nightmare has come to life! Help me! Help me! Hang on, buddy.
Oh, it's on my face, it's on my face! - What are you doing? - It's toilet water.
I know it's toilet water.
I'm swimming in it! Toilet, I know I've done some unspeakable things to you, but this time you went too far! It's my hair! - It's in my hair! - Ninja Bat Slap! Ninja! Squeezing me.
Get away from me, crazy walking gun! Huh? What? The Ninja ripped one.
More than one.
No, that's not me, I swear.
Seriously, what'd you eat for lunch? Still not me.
Enough of this.
You're going down, Prank-Zooka.
Ninja Ring.
Why did you bring this thing to school? Don't blame me, my pranks were funny.
Them two shoobs violated the spirit and camaraderie of Bash's Prank-Fest.
"He who crosses the line must prepare for the fall that follows.
" Yeah, pranking Bash like that may have been a bit over the line.
OK, a lot over the line.
How do I stop this thing? "Fall that follows.
" He's gotta follow me.
Oh, Prank-Zooka.
Ninja Catch Me If You Can.
No, no, no, no! Hey.
Come and get me.
Should have stretched first.
Smoke bomb! You just crossed the line.
And here comes the fall.
You got pranked! I think we've seen that pranks can cross the line.
So I say no more pranks.
Everybody cool with that? Bash? Ninja Electro-Ball.
Oh, and smoke bomb! Viceroy! Guess who got into trouble with his wife because your Tranma-whatchmacallit got his stepson suspended! Ooh, I do like guessing games.
Then guess who's Bash-sitting all week! - Sweet.
Monster maker! - I was having such a nice day.
- What's it do? - Ahh! Hey, check it out.
Wow, people are pretty mad at us for causing Bash to unleash the Prank-Zooka.
Uh, how long do you think they're gonna hold a grudge? Flour bomb! I'm sure that's it.
Jelly bomb! - OK, never mind.
- Oh, look at us, Cunningham.
Was it really worth all this just to get Sophomore-level respect? Totally! I got gravy in my no-no spots!
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! S'up, carp? The smell in the air.
It's romance.
Tonight's the "Magical Night Under the Stars Dance.
" So this is your last chance to find a date.
Howard.
We have to get dates! Dates.
Dates are for dudes who don't have bros to play vids with.
Oh! Hi.
I'm Amanda Levay.
This is my homeroom, so, see ya'.
- You hear that? - She said See ya'.
I'm so asking her to the dance.
Get in line.
Wow.
There actually is a line.
You're like, good-looking and stuff.
Prefer a man with a dark side? Hate to zing my own praises, but if you're into laughs, I'm your fella.
Oh, I would love to go to the dance with each of you, but I'm looking for the boy no, man, who understands true beauty.
I understand true beauty.
- I understand I'm looking right at it.
- That's exactly the kind of cheesy line you'll never hear if you go out with me.
Mmm, if I could only go with all of you.
Alas, my heart belongs only to whomever shows me the one thing in this school that is truly beautiful.
Beautiful.
- Hey, watch it! - Freeze it, you mopes.
No one goes anywhere without a hall pass.
And I hate writing hall passes! Lucky for you, the missus got me a McPass-Master hall pass printer.
Push the button, get a pass.
Uh, Mr.
Bannister? Your McPass-Master seems to have, uh passed us over.
McPass-Master has spoken.
Go sit down! Hmm? Ahh.
Dead flowers, putrefied flesh, and, uh lavender.
It's her! It's the Sorcerer! - Yes.
For eternity, you shall - suffer.
You dare interfere? You like to play rough, do you? Separately, we were powerful.
Together, we were nearly invincible.
Until Ah! What have you done? Ninja banished her to the Land of Shadows.
The Sorceress has one weakness.
She cannot see true beauty.
By sealing me in this tomb with the Eye of Eternities, the Ninja thought she'd never find me.
And yet, she is near.
This is not truly beautiful.
It's a ham.
- Real beaut, too.
- Uh-uh.
Man, I thought Bash had it for sure.
That ham was a stunner.
Someone's gonna find the most beautiful thing in the school.
It's only a matter of time.
Nyctimene robinsoni, the tube-nosed bat.
Sculpted from ear wax.
If we're gonna get out of this classroom, we need to work together.
But once we're on the other side of that door, - we go our separate ways.
- Deal.
You ready? Uh, you know it! Here we go, bloody nose, concerned friend, and action! It's OK, you're gonna make it.
It's way better than it looks.
Halt! You may not leave this room without McPass-Master's permission.
No time, Mr.
B! We got a gusher here.
- Good luck to you.
- Oh, no.
You good luck to you.
Ha! You're never gonna find it.
I'm gonna find it.
I'm gonna find it hard, and when I do it's gonna be insane.
Your Nomicon's ringing.
- I think you have to take that.
- I have to take that.
Have fun not finding the most beautiful thing in school.
Which is what I'll be doing while you're in the Nomicon.
"The eyes can be deceived but the nose always knows.
" Cute, Ninja-Nomicon.
I mean, not helpful, but cute.
- Didn't find it.
Did you? - No.
What'd your dumb book say? It said, "The nose always knows.
" Great.
Now we know even less.
It also said the eye deceives.
An eye is part of a face, so is a nose, and ears.
- Did the Nomicon say anything about ears? - No! So we need something that has eyes and a nose, but no ears.
The Carp's Eye! Above its nose and no ears.
It's the most beautiful thing in the school.
It is also full of ancient bird demon that possessed me, remember! Yes, but Amanda.
- We found it, Howard! - You mean I found it, Cunningham.
You wouldn't dare! - I gotta show you something.
- Hey, Amanda! Amanda! Hey.
- What's going on? - No.
You are not leaving this classroom under any circumstances.
McPass-Master has spoken.
- Well? - Mmm.
And to think it was under my nose - all this time.
- I know, right? You see, Amanda, the eye can be deceived, but the nose always knows.
That's how I found it.
- I found it.
- But really, I found it.
Let's talk dance.
Boys? - Mm-hmm? - Yes? Leave me! OK.
To once more do horrible, terrible things together.
Ahh.
Such sweet misery.
Hey, Amanda never told us who's taking her to the dance.
I should probably go back and ask her.
Hoo-hoo, no, you don't.
I'll go ask her.
- What the juice?! - Huh? She's all yours, Cunningham.
Uh, Amanda, or scary skull lady, or whoever you are.
It is on.
Smoke bomb! Ah, Ninja.
I've waited centuries for this.
Then you waited centuries to get your butt kicked! Ninja Butt Kick! Ninja.
Amanda.
Not Amanda! Oh! Well, well.
You can resist the Sorceress, but Amanda wants you to stand perfectly still.
- Amanda.
- Can you do that for me, sweetie? Uh-huh.
Curse you for making me hold this repulsive form.
It's so not repulsive.
You're only slowing down my reunion with - the Sorcerer.
- Wait, the Sorcerer? The Sorcerer's down there? Ninja Sp Eyes deceived.
Can't use eyes.
But the nose knows.
Ninja Smell-O-Vision.
Wow.
Anyone tell you that you smell bad? Like really bad.
Ninja Duck, Ninja Flip.
Ninja Slide, Ninja Slide.
Yeah, baby.
Ah, come on! Boys.
Boys, I need help.
Boys? - We're here, my love.
- Get the Ninja! Save Amanda.
Howard, Bash? Bucky? OK, guys, I know Amanda's hot.
Super hot, but she's not Yes! Elbow drop! Ninja Taste Of Her Own Medicine.
Uh, fellas.
The Ninja's moving in on our girl! - Get him! - No! Get back, you animals! Ninja Flip.
Nooo! No! You guys OK? Amanda.
You can't have Amanda! Trust me, I don't want her.
Whoa.
She ain't pretty.
She's ugly.
OK, Sorceress.
Time to finish this.
Soon, Ninja.
The fight has only begun.
Ew! Smells like baloney and dead fish.
The nose did not need to know that.
Thanks to the Ninja, tonight's dance really is under the stars.
Cunningham, we can never let a girl - come between us again.
Deal? - Deal.
Wanna go to my house and get our Grave Punch on? - Hey.
- Wanna dance? - Sure do.
- She asked me! - Come on, Cunningham, - No! - let me have this one.
- Forget it.
800 years has done nothing to diminish your strength, Ninja.
So I must regain mine.
I said, "Ma, I know hand cream's expensive.
Why do you think I clipped the coupon?" Hey, that guy! I just remembered I have an appointment.
- Uh what's up, Bash? - Wanna be friends together? Um, of course.
Yeah, I mean, who wouldn't want to be your friend? Hmm.
Hmm? Wha what?! What the juice was that? You thought I was gonna shake your hand regular.
But instead, you got 'lectrocuted.
Ha-ha, oh.
I guess you got me.
Yeah, I'm gonna be getting you a lot.
'Cause I got all these wicked funny pranking things from my stepdad's science guy.
It's Bash's Prank-fest! And I'm Bash.
Yeah! Hmm? I already hate Prank-fest.
"Kick me.
" How clever.
Let me guess.
Now I get kicked.
How'd you know? Ow, ow, ow, ow! My Twirl Captain assured me this was impossible! Bash is close.
I can feel it.
Relax, Cunningham.
It's not that hard to outsmart Bash.
You just gotta keep your eyes open.
Huh? Incoming! I'm hit! It's Uh what is this? Sticky Sparkle.
You got pranked! How Bruce would it be to prank Bash in front of the entire school? On a scale of one to ten, that would be a Bruce-leven! We need something special.
Something guaranteed to deliver mega humiliation.
If we pranked Bash, we'd be looking at Sophomore-level respect, fo sho! - Maybe even unpopular junior.
- Hmm? Think on that.
I gotta take a Ninja-Nomicon.
Huh? "He who crosses the line must prepare for the fall that follows.
" You're right, Nomicon.
Bash has crossed the line, and he must fall.
Big time! - Howard, I know what we're going to do.
- Oh, good.
'Cause I got glitter in places I don't want to think about.
- You mean on your - Yes.
- And in your - Yes.
- And up your - Said I don't want to think about it! Once we're done with Bash, he's never gonna prank again.
If you guys pull this off, you deserve - Sophomore-level respect? - At least.
Fish sticks, I'm eating you first.
Then I'm coming after you, apple sauce.
And don't think you're escaping, chocolate milk.
OK, he's coming.
Act natural.
Whoa! Flippin' rocks! Hey! I got gravy in my no-no spots! - Smashing success, Cunningham.
- Wait for it.
Never bring a glitter bomb to a gravy and bean fight.
Pranks are only funny when they happen to people who aren't Bash.
We did it, Howard.
The ultimate prank! Yeah, it's amazing.
I feel like a whole new person.
Randy.
Howard.
Randy.
Howard.
Party at my house this weekend.
Sophomores and above.
But we can make an exception for you guys.
Sophomore-level respect! That one's played out.
Spin it again.
Hannibal, Bashford called.
He says the pranks are such a hit.
His schoolmates are asking for more.
I've already given him every product from the McFist Industries Novelty and Tomfoolery Division.
- Oh, poo.
- You made her poo, Viceroy, not good.
What's this thingamabob? Give him this! That's not a prank.
That's an untested molecular transmogrifier.
It fires a ray that randomly transforms the molecules of one object into another object.
Perfect! I love it.
Give it to the boy.
The MT is a highly unpredictable and extremely dangerous apparatus.
- I said give it to the boy! - Mm-kay.
Yeah.
I'm gonna call you Prank-Zooka.
You are advised to read this instruction manual.
Yeah.
Now smash that pie in your face! Whoo! I love this thing.
Come on, Prank-Zooka.
Let's go prank those prankers what pranked Bash Johnson, with a prank! Sophomore-level respect.
Till I find out who pranked me, I'm gonna prank the cheese out of the whole school! - Yeah! - Oh, no! How am I supposed to grade these dishes? Hope you enjoyed your Sophomore-level respect - while it lasted.
- Don't worry.
Bash will never find out we were the ones who pranked him.
You pranked me.
Want to know how I found out? I was standing right here when you said it.
Nice.
Listen, Bash, surely we can work this out Oh-oh! It's doing stuff it ain't supposed to do.
My worst nightmare has come to life! Help me! Help me! Hang on, buddy.
Oh, it's on my face, it's on my face! - What are you doing? - It's toilet water.
I know it's toilet water.
I'm swimming in it! Toilet, I know I've done some unspeakable things to you, but this time you went too far! It's my hair! - It's in my hair! - Ninja Bat Slap! Ninja! Squeezing me.
Get away from me, crazy walking gun! Huh? What? The Ninja ripped one.
More than one.
No, that's not me, I swear.
Seriously, what'd you eat for lunch? Still not me.
Enough of this.
You're going down, Prank-Zooka.
Ninja Ring.
Why did you bring this thing to school? Don't blame me, my pranks were funny.
Them two shoobs violated the spirit and camaraderie of Bash's Prank-Fest.
"He who crosses the line must prepare for the fall that follows.
" Yeah, pranking Bash like that may have been a bit over the line.
OK, a lot over the line.
How do I stop this thing? "Fall that follows.
" He's gotta follow me.
Oh, Prank-Zooka.
Ninja Catch Me If You Can.
No, no, no, no! Hey.
Come and get me.
Should have stretched first.
Smoke bomb! You just crossed the line.
And here comes the fall.
You got pranked! I think we've seen that pranks can cross the line.
So I say no more pranks.
Everybody cool with that? Bash? Ninja Electro-Ball.
Oh, and smoke bomb! Viceroy! Guess who got into trouble with his wife because your Tranma-whatchmacallit got his stepson suspended! Ooh, I do like guessing games.
Then guess who's Bash-sitting all week! - Sweet.
Monster maker! - I was having such a nice day.
- What's it do? - Ahh! Hey, check it out.
Wow, people are pretty mad at us for causing Bash to unleash the Prank-Zooka.
Uh, how long do you think they're gonna hold a grudge? Flour bomb! I'm sure that's it.
Jelly bomb! - OK, never mind.
- Oh, look at us, Cunningham.
Was it really worth all this just to get Sophomore-level respect? Totally! I got gravy in my no-no spots!