The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones (2002) s01e22 Episode Script
Hollywood Follies
I figured you'd be here.
The movies seem like the best place
to be when you're depressed.
Yeah, I had a feeling having three
girlfriends was going to be trouble.
Especially when one of them was
the boss's daughter.
Tough luck, though, you getting fired.
And without a job,
I'll never get next year's tuition.
Cheer up.
Mr White says you saved his show.
He wants to help you.
He's got this friend, Carl Laemmle,
runs Universal Pictures.
He says for you to go see him.
There may be a job for you in
moving pictures.
That's great!
No.
Hi, I'm here to see Mr Laemmle.
The elevator is right there on the right.
Okay, yes, sir.
Mr Laemmle will see you now.
- Can I take your coat?
- Thank you.
Mr Jones, come in.
My good friend, George White,
tells me you're smart,
that you ran his show like clockwork,
and that you saved, you should pardon
the expression, his bacon, that right?
Well, I guess so, sir.
Wonderful!
And in a month's time you're going back
to the University of Chicago,
where you're studying
to be an orthodontist.
- An archaeologist.
- Wonderful! You're just the guy I need.
- What for?
- Mr Jones, I got a problem.
Out on the coast, I got a moving picture
shooting and it's out of control.
The director is a madman, a genius.
But meshuge,
he thinks money grows on trees.
Look how we're having to advertise!
"He's going to make you hate him"
"even if we have to spend a million
dollars of our money to do it."
A million dollars!
- But where do I come in?
- You don't come in, you go out.
Go out where?
To Hollywood as my
personal representative,
I want you to get out there
and take charge.
Tell that lunatic, von Stroheim,
he finishes the picture in ten days,
or else you pull the plugs.
Close it down!
Here's your railroad ticket.
Plus $100 expenses.
You get $200 more
when you finish the job.
This gives you my personal authority
to do whatever you think
is necessary, okay?
Mr Laemmle, isn't there someone
already running the studio?
My brother-in-law, Izzy Bernstein.
Well, why doesn't he just go down
Nice guy, but a shiimil.
Won't answer my cables,
doesn't take my calls.
Then there's my nephews, I got scores
of them out there, hundreds maybe.
I lost count already, but not one
of them can do a damn thing!
Well, Mr Laemmle,
I think you ought to know
that I don't know anything about
motion pictures.
You don't have to.
All you have to do is tell von Stroheim,
he finishes in ten days or else it's kaput.
What do you say?
Well, I think that $300
is an awful lot of money
just for delivering a message.
I'll pay you an extra $300 bonus
if you come through.
Mr Laemmle, you've got yourself a deal.
Mazel tov!
Watch your step.
Watch your step.
Welcome to California.
Excuse me, sir,
do you know Universal Studios?
The funny farm? Yeah, who doesn't?
Watch your step, Mac.
Hi, Indiana Jones here
to see Mr Bernstein.
Straight ahead, sir.
Good luck, buddy.
Okay. Thanks.
Thanks!
Mr Jones! Welcome to
Universal City, Mr Jones.
- Mr Bernstein.
- Have a cigar?
- No, no, I
- That's all right.
I'd like to introduce you to some
of my associates.
This is Abe Laemmle, Sol Laemmle,
Manny Laemmle,
- Morrie Bernstein and Joe Bernstein.
- Gentlemen.
Have a seat.
Well, I guess you all know why I'm here.
Of course, it has to do with the
Foolish Wives.
- Is Uncle Carl a little bit mad?
- No.
No, Uncle Carl's not a little bit mad.
No, he's very mad.
He seems to think that
the picture is completely out of control.
Manny, why is the picture out of control?
Yeah, Manny,
why is the picture out of control?
It's not my fault.
Only last week, Stroheim
ordered a battleship.
A thousand pair of silk underwear
for the extras?
To make them feel more
like aristocrats.
- With monograms yet.
- Plus 6,000 pairs of silk stockings.
- Gowns ordered straight from Paris.
- Caviar from Russia.
Crystal, porcelain, tapestries
I told you!
I can't control him! Nobody can!
Gentlemen!
This picture's got to be completed
in ten days.
- That seems pretty clear.
- But who is going to tell Stroheim?
- Someone has to tell von Stroheim.
- But who?
Me, that's why I'm here.
This letter from your uncle gives me
complete authority.
He's right, that's why he's here.
So, where do I find this Stroheim?
- I'll take him.
- Thank you, Irving.
Thank you.
Gentlemen.
- I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
- Irving Thalberg.
Indiana Jones.
So are you a relative, too?
No.
I was Mr Laemmle's private secretary.
He sent me out here
a couple of months ago.
So what do you do now?
Just observing, you know,
learning the business.
This is a business?
Oh, yeah, like any other.
Only it's an art form, too,
which makes it little peculiar.
You could say that again.
I've seen a lot of strange things.
Oh, geez!
- Is it always like this?
- Mostly.
It's really not as chaotic as it seems,
it's really pretty efficient.
Or it could be,
if it was structured the right way.
Universal City is the largest
motion picture studio in the world.
Tour costs a quarter,
Mr Laemmle says it's great publicity.
- Like that!
- Roll camera!
Get even, the both of you!
Hit him over the head
with the rolling pin!
Great!
All right, cue the snow!
Stop! Stop. Stop.
The trouble is, the market for
these two-reelers is shrinking.
There's still money to be made.
But the real future of the industry
lies in features.
Quality, full-length pictures.
And now you're about to see one of
the most expensive features
that's ever been made.
Are you sure you want to go
through with this?
How tough can this be?
I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Excuse me, could you tell me
- Excuse me, could you tell me
- You must be quiet!
I need to speak to Mr Stroheim.
He's not even doing anything.
He's thinking.
- Tough!
- No, you mustn't disturb him!
Excuse me, Mr Stroheim?
My name is Jones,
I just got in from New York.
Mr Laemmle sent me and
Well, as you can see from this letter
Well, we have a serious problem
and I'm here to fix it.
Now, I'm sure you're
a reasonable man so
You have ten days to
complete the picture,
or I'm going to close it down.
Is that clear?
Okay, great, well, Mr Stroheim
Von Stroheim!
Erich Oswald Hans Carl Maria
Nordenwall von Stroheim.
Okay, I
My father was an Austrian count,
my mother a German baroness
and lady in waiting
to the Empress of Austria.
I was a member of
His Majesty's bodyguard.
But more, I am an artist.
Here, in my studio, I create.
I paint with light and shadow.
I reach into the depths of my very soul.
What do you know of my agony?
You, with your pathetic little
shopkeeper's mind!
With your ridiculous talk of ten days!
Tell Mr Laemmle,
only von Stroheim decides the fate
of a von Stroheim picture.
Not some stupid, ignorant, pathetic,
imbecile errand boy.
Places now, we begin.
Places, everybody! Places, please!
Right away, please.
Places, please!
- Well, you sure told him.
- Yeah, thanks, thanks a lot.
Look, how much of this movie
has he already shot?
About 30 reels.
How many reels do you need
to make a picture?
- Ten.
- Ten?
- How many more does he need?
- Enough to finish telling the story.
- Claire! One of our best writers.
- You want to see me?
- Claire, this is Indiana Jones.
- Yeah.
-Indiana Jones, Claire Lieberman.
“We've met.
No broken bones, I hope.
No, not yet.
Claire, how much more does Von
have to shoot?
It's hard to say. He keeps adding things.
There's the storm sequence,
the fire in the castle
Fire, real fire?
Of course,
this is a von Stroheim picture.
That sounds expensive.
How long does that take? A day?
Half a day?
No, you don't burn down a real castle
in a day.
- It's scheduled for three weeks.
- Three weeks?
No, it's impossible!
- Oh, why?
- Because I've only got
Von Stroheim's only got ten days.
Lose the fire!
- It's an important story point, Mr Jones.
- Yeah, but you see
Lose it,
and the picture makes no sense.
Look, you don't understand.
Look, what is this movie about, anyway?
- You don't know?
- No.
Well, then I suggest you find out,
Mr Jones.
You see this? It's called a script.
I think you'd better read one
before you start
making any more stupid suggestions.
Good day, Mr Jones.
Irving, give me a script.
Will you help me, please?
There's just so much here
that doesn't seem necessary.
Like the fire?
No, the fire's important. It shows that
the Count's really a coward.
What about the storm sequence?
Is that vital?
I don't know. I'm so close to it.
This is impossible.
All right, hold on. Hold on a second.
Jack, do you have a minute?
Jack, this is Indiana Jones.
- Hi, I'm Jack Ford, I make Westerns.
- Good to know you.
- Of course, Claire.
- Hi, Claire.
We have a problem.
Well, does it have a German accent?
Yeah, and how much has he
cost you so far?
Over a million, and still climbing.
I can make 25 pictures
for that kind of dough.
What we really need is to finish
shooting the picture, but in the script
No, forget the script.
What does the footage look like?
The film that's already been shot,
have you seen it yet?
No.
Well, I suggest you take a look at it.
Because it's not what's on the page
that counts, it's what's up on the screen.
Okay, thank you.
It's good, it's very good.
It's great.
This could be one of
the best movies ever.
All the more reason to save it,
wouldn't you say?
Yeah.
Mr Thalberg,
you really shouldn't be here.
Ed, relax.
Yeah, but if Mr Von ever finds out
I let you see this
Relax, Ed, nothing's going to happen,
trust me.
Well,
we've just seen four hours of film.
How much more of this is he planning
on shooting?
He thought up three new scenes
this morning.
Okay. Ed, let's roll it again.
- How's your headache? Any better?
- It's worse.
Well, if it's any consolation,
I have one, too.
I had no idea making movies
was this hard.
I thought physics class was tough.
You know something?
It's a cinch compared to this.
- Where to now?
- Back to my hotel, I guess.
Unless you have a better idea?
Feeling better?
Yeah, thanks for taking me.
I figured we both needed to get away
from that loony bin.
Yeah.
- Irving says it's not run properly.
- For him, it goes deeper than that.
He wants a revolution.
What do you mean?
A whole new system.
You see, in motion pictures now,
the director is king.
And Irving wants the producer
to be king.
Would that work?
If the producer is a genius.
Maybe Irving is, I don't know.
But if the Bernsteins of this world ever
get a hold of real power
Yeah, I know what you mean.
So, where do the writers come in?
Usually? Last.
What, are you serious?
Perfectly.
There's a time around the beginning
when you're important.
Because all they have
is what's here.
But once the script is written,
the writer is the lowest of the low.
"A necessary evil," as Irving says.
So why do you do it then?
Because for me, making movies
is the most important thing in the world.
I love it.
Yeah, I know.
You ready to go?
You're beautiful.
Indy, I have a boyfriend.
You don't want to be here?
- That's it! I got it!
- You got what?
Indy, I know how we
can finish the movie.
Great.
So this is perfect.
All we do is we lose the storm scene
and move the fire scene off till later.
Combine it with the gambling
scene from the villa.
- And we practically got an ending.
- That was Claire's idea?
It's brilliant!
- I could kiss her.
- I already did.
Fired? Who fired you?
Von Stroheim. Who else?
Somebody must have told him
we'd saw the footage yesterday.
It wasn't me, Mr Thalberg. Honest.
Who cares who it was?
All I know is I'm off Foolish Wives.
Don't worry, Claire, I'll recommend that
you're put on the movie Sex and Satan.
- Really?
- My word of honour.
Okay, Ed, get out the stuff
we saw yesterday.
- I don't have it, Mr Thalberg.
“What?
It got taken away
first thing this morning.
- Who took it?
- Need you ask?
I want to see Mr von Stroheim.
Thank you.
Morgen, Herr Jones.
You would care to join me.
No, thank you, Mr von Stroheim. No.
You sure? Because it's beautiful.
Now, you listen to me
Willingly, but somewhere more relaxing.
Come.
Glass of oxblood, Mr Jones?
No, thank you.
Delicious.
Some caviar?
No, I already ate. Listen, Mr Stroheim,
I want that film back.
Film? What film?
The film you took from
the cutting room this morning.
From the cutting room? I have no film.
Listen, I'm getting tired of
horsing around.
Von Stroheim never horses around.
Then give me the film back.
You are calling me a liar?
- He denied it?
- Absolutely.
Short of raiding his castle,
I don't know what else we can do.
Relax, I've just been talking to the lab.
They still have the negative,
we can strike another print.
That's great.
So, what's the plan?
Well, there's only one vital sequence
we need to finish the story.
- The sewer scene.
- And the sewer scene is
Where von Stroheim's body is thrown
into the Monte Carlo sewer,
floats out to sea
and gets eaten by an octopus.
- No, but the octopus is out.
- Yes!
But if you just shoot the first part
Don't you see? The story is over.
This is perfect!
Then all we have to do is kill him.
Von Stroheim has to die.
Yes!
What are you thinking?
About you.
Really?
No, not just you.
Well, so, who then?
- Tony.
- Tony?
How different he is to you.
How I wish I could have
both you and him in the same person.
I thought Tony was history.
History?
Never!
The day I lose Tony
is the day I lose my sense of humor.
If I lose that, I may as well die.
No, I love the guy.
But I thought you said
that you loved me.
I do love you.
But you're going to be gone
in two weeks.
Haven't you ever loved two women?
Yeah.
Well, I have three loves.
Three? Who else?
You, Tony and the movies.
So what if we're two ships
passing in the night?
Let's enjoy it.
And God knows,
you're only young once.
Wait!
I don't see a sewer scene here.
Where's the sewer scene?
- No, it's not scheduled till next month.
- Next month?
We've got all that stuff with
the Italian prince to shoot first.
Oh, no!
What Italian prince?
Prince Massimo, I forgot.
Who the heck is Prince Massimo?
A real Italian prince von Stroheim
brought in specially.
Von loves his accent.
Loves his accent?
But there's no sound!
These are silent pictures!
Send him back!
No can do, Mr Jones,
he starts work Monday morning.
This is insane.
What if he doesn't show up?
Then we shoot something else.
Like the sewer scene, right?
- Right.
- Okay.
- What are you going to do?
- I don't know. I don't know.
All I know is Stroheim
is not going to win.
I'm going to beat him if it's
the last thing I do. If I have to
Wait a minute.
- This is beautiful.
- What's beautiful?
We kidnap him!
You nuts?
No. He's a foreigner.
All we have to do is drive him down
to Mexico and dump him.
Dump him?
Exactly, he doesn't have a passport,
they'll never let him back in.
- Indy, this is madness!
- No, it might work.
No, this will work.
This will definitely work.
Are you with me?
Chuck, is the set built
for the sewer scene?
- Built and ready, Mr Thalberg.
- Schedule it for Monday.
- But Mr Von said
- That's an order.
Yes, sir!
Chuck, you didn't hear any of this, right?
No, sir.
So where do we find this Massimo?
Doug Fairbanks and Mary Pickford are
giving a party tonight.
The prince is sure to be there.
Allow me to be of assistance.
Welcome to Pickfair.
Okay, so where's Massimo?
-There he is!
“Where?
He's a prince?
- Looks more like a waiter.
- So, do we grab him?
No, we make sure he's nice
and plastered first.
No problem.
Here goes, join me later.
Pardon me, are you Prince Massimo?
I've heard so much about you.
- Well, shall we dance?
- Love to.
Okay, see if you can see him.
They're not ready yet.
Hi, Rudy, hi, Pola.
Okay, check again.
Yeah.
There's the signal.
Principe Massimo,
I want you to meet Claire.
Indiana Jones.
- Hi, how are you?
- I'm fine.
How are you enjoying the party,
Your Highness?
It's so boring.
- Do you agree?
- Yeah. Bad.
- Terrible!
- Horrible party!
I know where there's
a great party, though.
Really? Where?
It's just south of here.
Would you like to go check it out?
That's a great idea.
What do you say, Your Highness?
I say andiamo!
- Goodness!
- There we go.
Be careful, Your Highness.
Right this way, Prince.
- Wake up, wake up, Your Highness!
- We're at the party!
This man's very sick, he needs tequila.
My friend here is sick, please
Indy, are you sure about this?
I'm positive, when he wakes up he'll
have no idea he ever left Beverly Hills.
Great, let's go!
See you back in the trenches.
Well, that was easy.
With the prince stuck in Mexico,
Von will have to shoot the sewer scene.
I don't know, actors can be funny
about their death scenes.
- What do you mean?
- Superstitious.
No, Claire, this will work, trust me.
You're pretty amazing, you know that?
You're pretty amazing, too.
Indy,
I think I'm falling in love with you.
I think I'm falling in love with you, too.
Do you think he's going to go for it?
You're in shtuke if he doesn't.
Was ist das?
The sewer, Mr Von.
Dummkopf, I know it is a sewer.
What is it doing here?
Well, you see, sir
- Where is the Principe Massimo?
- That's the problem, sir.
- He's disappeared.
- Disappeared?
Which is why we set up the sewer,
this is the scene
I know, where I'm supposed to die.
Where is Claire?
Quick, he's calling you.
- Claire!
- Go, go!
Claire, darling,
I have had an inspiration.
I am a genius. Write this down.
But, Mr von Stroheim, you fired me.
I fired you? Impossible!
Now, write, write!
We're not in a sewer,
but by the sea at Monte Carlo.
Count Karamzin invites the wife
of the American ambassador
into his little boat.
Heady perfume, silken froufrou,
atmosphere of seduction.
Sensuous, erotic.
Get me 100 gondolas.
A million flowers!
And actors in ten minutes,
and we rehearse.
- He just keeps making things up.
- Yes, he does.
And it's so wonderful.
What are we shooting tomorrow?
The duel, where the Count
fights with the American ambassador.
- The duel? If there's a duel
- Forget it, the Count wins.
There's got to be a way.
There's just got to.
- Indy, we're getting worried about you.
- Well, don't.
I'll think of something, even if
I have to kill von Stroheim myself.
- Indy!
- Indy!
- Bring me the pistols.
- Yes, sir.
They are loaded?
Only with blanks, Mr Von.
- I am supposed to use blanks?
- Yes.
- Very well, today I make an exception.
- Thank you.
Yes, Mr Von. Exactly. Okay.
- Where's Indy?
- I don't know, he said he'd be here.
Indy!
- What kept you, Indy?
- I had to go to the toy store.
- The toy store?
- I'll explain it to you later.
- What's happening?
- Von's rehearsing the duel.
We take six paces, we turn,
you raise your pistol.
- Understood?
- Yes, Mr Von.
But then you hesitate,
because I, as Count Karamzin,
do not raise my pistol.
I stare at you
taunting, gloating.
- It is a moment of great tension, ja?
- Yes, Mr Von.
You can bear it no longer, so you fire,
but you are pathetic, you miss.
What is that?
You bought marbles? What for?
I'm going to roll them on the ground
at Stroheim's feet when he fires.
What?
The tension is unbearable,
women in the audience faint.
Then slowly,
I raise my pistol
and shoot you between the eyes.
Wonderful, Mr Von.
Places, we shoot!
If we can get him to fall over,
it'll look like he's been shot.
We'll have a death scene,
we can finish the movie.
You must be out of your mind!
Do you have any better ideas?
No.
Quiet! This will be for picture.
All right, settle, everyone.
Ready when you are, Mr Von.
Music, camera!
Action!
- Cut!
- Gott im Himmel!
What is going on here? Cut!
What is going on here?
I don't know, Mr Von, they just fell over.
Do you want to go again?
No. The mood is ruined.
We try again after lunch.
It was a perfectly good idea.
Oh, I see.
Von's up to his old tricks again, huh?
- Well, what is it this time?
- He won't fall over.
He won't fall over?
We need to make him literally,
but we can't think of a way.
Well, why don't you slip him a Mickey,
like one of these?
Are those any good?
Well, they work on horses, I don't see
why they wouldn't work on Krauts.
Who's going to slip it to him?
Me. I owe Von one.
Jack Ford, you are an angel.
No, I'm just a guy who makes Westerns.
Seventh Cavalry to the rescue.
- What if Von sees him do it?
- No. Don't say that, look.
Go, go, go, down the hatch.
Quiet now. Settle please.
Find your positions. Stand by to shoot.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
Ready when you are, Mr Von.
Mr Von?
Sir?
- He's asleep already!
- We're all ready for you, sir.
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, he is.
Mr Von?
Sir, we're ready for the shot.
We're all set for the shot, sir.
Cameras are ready, Mr Von.
Sir?
Was ist das?
- Ja, danke.
- We're ready for the shot, sir.
Pistol.
Was ist das?
That's your pistol, Mr Von.
Forgive me.
Get on with it!
I seem a little
Start the scene!
- Music.
- Music.
Camera.
He's asleep again.
Und action!
Turn!
Fire!
Fall, you square head!
Jones!
Jones.
Cut!
We did it! Fantastic!
- Here's to you, Indy!
- No, here's to us.
Ten days to the day,
one more day and I'd have blown it.
- Looking forward to your bonus?
- Oh, you could say that again.
Well, you deserve it.
Most of all, I'm looking forward to telling
Stroheim that this is where he gets off.
I saw the rushes from the duel scene.
It's terrific.
I'm sorry, but the picture's finished.
Mr Stroheim?
Tomorrow, I'm laying off
the cast and crew.
Congratulations, Mr Stroheim,
you've done a great job.
No, Herr Jones.
It is I who must congratulate.
You have beaten von Stroheim.
- You have won.
- No hard feelings?
- You have won.
- No hard feelings?
My dear chap, I am a realist.
And I recognise a worthy opponent
when I see one.
A last farewell, if you will permit me.
Sure.
Goodbye, my glorious dream.
No, Mr Stroheim, I
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I'm sure the picture will turn out
just great.
You are right.
I am a sentimental fool. Enough!
Tonight, you will celebrate
your great triumph.
Well, I haven't really thought about it.
Wait, wait, I have an idea.
There is a gala premiere I was planning
to attend, but under the circumstances,
you will take the beautiful Claire.
But I Gee, I don't know what to say.
"Thank you," will be sufficient.
Mr Jones,
welcome to Hollywood, at last.
We're going have to
thank Stroheim for this.
He gave up too easily.
Stroheim? Don't worry about him.
I've got him nailed.
Then why do I have this feeling
like it's not over yet?
You think he's going to try
and pull a fast one?
It wouldn't be the first time.
Now look, I'm going to wake up
early in the morning,
I'm going to the studio
and I'm gonna lay off the whole crew.
There's nothing he can do about it.
So smile, it's great, we all won.
I've got next year's tuition,
you get to do Sex and Satan
There's Gloria Swanson,
I need to talk to her, I'll see you later.
Gloria!
Poor Irving,
he can't stop thinking about movies.
How are you?
I guess you'll be leaving soon.
Classes don't start for
a couple of weeks so
- I was thinking maybe
- Yes?
I was thinking maybe I'd stick around
here and spend them with you.
- Really?
- Would you like that?
Darling, I'd adore it!
What if he hasn't accepted it?
What if he's still in there working?
- He wouldn't dare.
- He would dare, and you know it.
What if the crew is still on his side?
Then I'll fire the whole bunch of them.
One squawk out of anyone,
and I'll have them thrown off the lot.
Attention, ladies and gentlemen,
I have a small announcement
Where the hell is everybody?
George, where'd they go?
- George, where is everybody?
- They all went to Mexico.
To Mexico?
They came in last night,
Mr von Stroheim's orders.
Crated everything up, and took off.
What's this?
But how did he know?
"Dear Von, stranded here in Mexico.
Stop. Only you can save me. Stop."
"Come quickly. Massimo."
- Paging Mr Thalberg?
- That's me.
- Paging Mr Jones.
- Darnedest thing I ever saw.
- Telegram for you, Mr Thalberg.
- Thanks.
- And for you, Mr Jones.
- Thank you.
Thank you, sir, have a beautiful day.
It's from Mr Laemmle.
I've been fired without my bonus.
You think you've got problems?
This is from Laemmle, too.
I've just been made head
of Universal Pictures.
- You know what my first assignment is?
- Take control of von Stroheim.
- So, Irving's going down to Mexico?
- He already left.
Now I'm stuck in Hollywood,
with no money, no job.
Indy, I could always
loan you some money.
No, it's all right. It's very sweet of you.
I'm sure I'll get myself
out of this somehow.
I'll be right back.
Tony, you silly!
What were you thinking?
See you later.
- Who's that?
- See you!
- That's my friend Tony.
- That's Tony?
- Tony, what is he? A slapstick artist?
- No, he's a writer.
He's a smart guy, he just doesn't look
where he's going sometimes, that's all.
Claire! Jones!
- I heard you two got fired.
- Yeah.
Stroheim is still shooting.
I guess my Mickey Finn didn't work.
No, it worked.
Well, then I guess
it wasn't strong enough.
No, any stronger
and you'd have killed him.
That's exactly what I mean.
And where is young Mr Thalberg?
- He's still trying to stop him.
- He won't.
Claire, you busy? I need an assistant.
You're too late, Jack.
- I'm working on Sex and Satan.
- A comedy.
How I wish!
What about you, Mr Jones?
You want to come work for me?
- Doing what?
- Assistant.
Pay's not good,
but it'll get you that ticket.
I've got to be back
in a couple of weeks, so
That's all the time I got.
Two-day prep,
five-day shoot, three-day edit.
Well, what's it called, Jack?
How do I know?
I haven't picked up the script yet.
Well, do you want the job, Jones?
That's Hollywood for you.
Studio executive one day,
gofer the next.
All right, let's head 'em up.
- You mean now?
- Yeah, we're burning daylight.
Right, right.
I'll come by for you when I finish.
You do that.
Hi, guys.
Here's your first job. Carry these.
Six Steps To Hell?
-Yeah, by Alphone Studders.
“Who?
Exactly. Let's go find Harry
and we'll see what he thinks.
Indy? Where did you get
a name like that? From your dog?
Yeah, as a matter of fact I did.
Well, I suppose it's
as good a name as Ford.
Ford's not your real name?
O'Feeny. Sean Aloysius O'Feeny.
- So, you're Irish.
- You ever been there?
Yeah, I was in Dublin during
the Easter Uprising.
Why did you change your name?
Sounds like you named
yourself after a car.
I didn't, my brother did.
He came out here first.
- Francis Ford, you heard of him?
- No.
- Good, glad to hear it.
- Why? Should I have?
He's quite a director, learned most
of what I know from him.
Like you, I was hungry
and he took me on.
- Doing what?
- Stunts.
That was good of him.
Yeah well, he almost got me killed
more than once.
Well, you're named after a dog,
I'm named after a car,
we should get along fine. Harry!
Jack. They said you were coming over.
Well, it's another piece of junk.
Even worse than the last.
I think Mr Jones here could have
probably written a better script.
- Excuse me, sir, but perhaps
- I wasn't serious about that, Jones.
A good assistant should be seen
and not heard.
- What did we do this time last year?
- Feuding farmers and ranchers.
Let's just reverse that.
Take some notes, Mr Jones.
We'll call the ranchers the Flints.
- Flints.
- Farmers can be the Sims.
Good.
Okay, we open right before you return.
So old Flint calls on you.
An embittered, freelance outlaw.
Now old Flint,
he wants the farmers out.
So, what does he do?
Sets up my only best friend to get me.
A marksman.
- Killer.
- Yeah, killer.
All right, so now you see old Flint
and this man for what they really are.
They are your evil sign.
They have broken every sacred code
that you have now
committed your life to.
They have to die.
What do you think, Harry?
It's going to have to be the best
gunfight we've ever done, Jack.
Jones, I want you to go
over to the Waterhole.
It's on Hollywood and Cahuenga.
It's where the rodeo cowboys hang out
and wait for bit parts in movies.
Ask for Wyatt Earp.
Wyatt Earp?
- Tombstone Wyatt Earp?
- Tell him Harry and I sent you.
Right.
Can I help you?
Yes, ma'am. I was told
- Is Wyatt Earp here?
- In the back.
Hi, I'm looking for Wyatt Earp.
Do you know where I can find him?
Who wants to know?
Indiana Jones.
Mr Earp?
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
I was sent out here to see
if you wouldn't
mind coming back to Universal City,
to give us some information
on a Western we're shooting.
Mr Ford, Jack Ford,
and Harry Carey sent me.
Well, why didn't you say so?
He's okay, boys.
Harry, now!
One more.
Harry, now.
See what I mean?
.45s are simply used to scare off
the critters.
You want to kill somebody,
you got to be able to hit him.
Here's a shell.
- What if you didn't have a rifle?
- Then you got killed.
So, rifles it is.
How'd you fight back
if you didn't have a rifle?
Well, you had to ambush them back.
- That's if you survived their ambush.
- But how?
Was it a showdown? Man to man?
There was no such thing as
a face-to-face shootout.
The OK Corral was a fluke.
Never should have happened.
Yeah, well, I need a good gunfight.
Something real.
Like it was.
Well, the way an ambush worked
- You mean a gunfight?
- I mean an ambush.
All right, an ambush. How'd it work?
Well, first you overawed your man,
and then got as close as you could.
Come up on him from behind
and plug him through the back
with a Winchester.
Well, I can't have Harry shoot somebody
in the back.
Why not? It's what happened.
Because it's not heroic.
Heroic.
None of these men were heroes.
Well, we've got to make him
a good guy.
Good guys, bad guys,
I wish it had been that simple.
Okay, let's make Harry a good bad guy.
A good bad guy?
Yeah, they wouldn't face each other.
They'll hide behind rocks,
like you said, Wyatt.
Good.
Then you can draw their fire,
trick 'em out into the open,
and shoot 'em face on.
Well, I wish I had tried that.
Sounds like it might have worked.
Scene Number 108.
Kitty catches up with Harry. It's sunset.
It's going to be a five-reeler, Jack.
Don't worry about it. Keep typing, Indy.
- "It's sunset."
- All right.
Kitty tries to convince Harry to stay,
but Harry tells her to go back to Slim,
and try and start afresh.
She agrees and heads back
towards the farm, heartbroken.
You got it?
"farm. Heartbroken."
All right, Harry watches her go,
turns into the sunset, alone.
The end.
"The end."
You're wrong, Harry.
This isn't a five-reeler, it's an eight.
But it's going to be
the best eight reels I ever shot.
I know we can do this.
Gentlemen?
- To Six Steps To Hell.
- Six Steps To Hell.
It's 3:00 in the morning,
and you're still working?
Yes.
But I'm almost finished.
How did it go with Jack?
Great, we just got finished
re-writing the script. It's
I can see why you love doing this.
You can?
Yeah, creating a world and characters
and bringing them to life. It's
Yeah, it's hard, though.
Yeah, I wish I could do it.
You could.
I got some invites to a party at Rick's.
And I tried to find you to tell you,
but I couldn't.
You want to go?
Let's just get something to eat.
My place?
Yeah.
How hungry are you?
Very hungry.
- Ham and eggs okay?
- Sounds great.
Put that energy to some use.
Go see what's in the icebox.
Did you find the eggs?
What's the problem?
There's no problem.
Yes, there is.
You have that sulky, little boy look.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
Like somebody ate all of your candy.
I know that look.
He's my boyfriend, remember?
I thought I was your boyfriend.
That doesn't mean I don't have
feelings for Tony.
Well, that's just a little hard
for me to accept.
Well, you're going to have to.
Why can't you just dump him?
What?
Dump him, you know, get rid of him.
I don't believe this.
Listen, you belong to me.
I don't belong to anybody.
- What gives you the right?
- Because I love you.
Well, that doesn't mean you own me.
I didn't say that.
No, but you think it.
You think you have
exclusive rights over me.
Like I'm some piece of merchandise.
Well, think again.
That's not what I meant.
Well, if you knew me,
you'd know that I don't think like that.
Maybe we just don't know
each other very well.
No, I guess we don't.
We just need some time together.
Real time.
How?
You're leaving for Chicago.
Well, except for one day on location,
I'll still be around for two weeks.
And that's plenty of time
to get to know somebody.
If we feel the same
after we know each other then
What?
I'd like you to come back with me.
Indy!
I have a job here.
- A whole life.
- But I love you.
Look, it'd be easier
if you stayed with me.
- Yeah, but
- Absolutely.
I'd have to change careers, but all
you'd have to do is switch schools.
- It's the easiest way, isn't it?
- Yeah.
Well, we don't have to decide
for two weeks.
What about Tony?
If things work out between us,
I'll be honest with Tony.
He'll understand.
I hope so.
You know,
you two could become friends.
God, this is beautiful, Claire.
Claire?
Jack?
Jack.
You can't do this.
- I can't do what, Pete?
- Look at these days.
You'll have to shoot 15 minutes of
screen time each day, to say the least.
I can do that.
Not on this budget, you can't.
Look, we'll shoot from
sunup to sundown.
Jack, this is meant to be a two-reeler.
- A two-reeler, Pete?
- Yes.
Hell, all they ever give me to shoot
are two-reelers.
Now, if they will not give me the time
and money to shoot a feature,
then I will shoot a feature
with what they give me.
They might try to stop you.
Not where we're headed.
Mr Ford.
I managed to get a wonderful
selection of Colt .44s.
I said no handguns,
I want him to carry a rifle.
- Exactly what I was thinking.
- Mr Ford, how's this?
- No. No.
- Jack.
You expect me to get four times
the amount of stock I've got budgeted?
Yes, that's what I expect, Pete.
And this is not what I want.
I don't want anything fancy,
I don't want anything new.
I want something very simple.
Give me a shawl or something like that.
And don't forget that phonograph.
He's gone.
Indy, go down to Properties and
tell them not to forget that phonograph.
And while you're down there, tell
Transportation we are going to be gone
the entire six days, instead of one.
We're not coming back till
we get this thing in the can.
Does that answer your question, Pete?
Have I ever let you down?
No, but there's always a first time.
- Six days? When do we leave?
- Sundown today.
- I thought we didn't
- Wake up, kid.
If we get there tonight,
I get an extra day.
Hey, Indy, where you going?
I was just going to go tell a friend
of mine that I'm going away.
Go raise that flag over there.
And let those out-of-work
rodeo boys know
we're making a cowboy picture
over here.
How you doing? I heard I was going
to be working with you.
Nice to see you again.
All right, fellas, let's make a Western.
Larry, get up here. Jerry, Logan, Bob.
Jones, our actors have arrived.
Kitty.
- Hello, John.
- -You look terrific.
Now, how many directors actually
meet you at the cab?
- Your script, Jack.
- Hello, young fellow, glad to have you
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Let me in on it.
- This is Indiana Jones.
Let's go into the office
and we'll talk about what's going on.
All right.
Everybody into your vehicle.
Get ready to roll.
Hey, Jones! Get back here.
You're riding with Jack and Pete.
Yeah, I was just going to go talk
The maps.
I was just going to get some maps.
Yeah, well, hurry up.
We leave in two minutes.
Tony.
I love your hands.
- Indy!
- Hi.
Hi, come in.
No, I've only got a couple minutes,
I just
We're leaving for Newhall,
and we're going to stay out there
for the whole shoot.
I thought the story was set in a town.
Yeah, I know,
but Jack wants vistas so
So much for our two weeks.
Well, won't you have any time
when you get back?
Classes start on the 5th.
As it is now I'll already be two days late.
Well, this is Tony.
Tony, this is Indy.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
You're lucky to be working with Jack,
he's one of the best.
It's good to meet you.
Well, if I don't get to see you again,
you've got to write me.
I'll see you.
Yeah, I know.
Bye.
Hey, Indy, let's go.
Jones, where you been?
- I thought you was murdered, son.
- No such luck.
That's what Jack said,
you'd better keep out of his way.
- Who we waiting for now?
- Wyatt Earp.
Forget him, we got to get going.
Let's move.
Good morning, Mr Ford.
A great day for a western, hey?
You made it! I knew you would.
Would you look at that sunset forming?
Yeah, it's beautiful.
It's a shame we can't shoot it.
Who says we can't?
Stop the car! Pull up.
- What, now?
- Stop the car!
All right, here.
I want the camera right here.
Mr Jones, go get me those baby legs.
Pete, get Harry and Kitty
up here right away.
And, Carl, let's put the camera real low.
I want this to be the last shot
of the picture, okay?
Here we go.
- Oh, who packed this?
- Why do they always do this to me?
We've only got the tall legs, Mr Ford.
We're going to have to dig a hole here.
The hell with that,
we'll put them on boxes.
- Planks and a level, step on it, kid.
- Yes, sir.
- I need reflector boards.
- No, forget the reflectors.
We're gonna shoot this in silhouette.
We'll wait for the sun to hide, go behind
that strip of clouds and break it up.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Miss Mayfair, could you move
a little closer please?
Close enough so you can touch.
That's it.
I need music.
Mr Flannegan, if you would?
- Carl?
- Almost, Jack.
- There!
- Okay.
Quiet, please.
And we're rolling.
And action!
All right, Kitty,
I want you to take his hand.
You don't want him to go.
Gaze into his eyes.
Slowly let his hand slip away.
Still looking.
Take one step back very slowly.
Turn.
And back to the farm.
And to Slim.
- She's out of frame.
- It's all yours, Harry.
Cut.
"Dear Claire, I've been thinking about
our relationship."
So, you can understand why Black Jack
felt justified in killing Tyke.
Tyke had broken the code.
Code? What code?
Well, one, he lied.
Two, horse-stealing,
three, woman-stealing,
four, cowardice,
five, double crossing a friend,
and six, murder.
He broke the code
and he deserved to die.
How you doing, Jones?
I'm fine.
You some kind of loner?
No.
Why don't you come over here
and join us?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I think Mr Jones misses his woman.
Well, then he should
get himself a horse.
I mean it.
Oh, writing her a letter?
Yeah, I just really don't know
what to say.
That don't surprise me,
you've been gone hours now.
- This is Claire, right?
- Yeah.
I thought she was with that writer,
what's his name?
Yeah, his name is Tony.
She's with him right now.
So, you were setting
to steal his woman?
- No, I
- Sounds like it to me.
No, I just thought we'd have some time
together before I go back to Chicago.
What are you going back
to Chicago for?
Mr Jones is studying
to be an archaeologist.
You're kidding me.
Well, does she love you?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Then take her with you.
No, she wouldn't do that, she's a writer.
Then she don't love you, does she?
- She said she does.
- Talk is cheap in this business, kid.
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
- Of course I'm right.
In a couple of years, you'll be digging up
some Egyptian pharaoh's tomb
and you won't even
be thinking about her.
Yeah, exactly.
It's no life for a woman.
Sharing a bed with a man
and his mummy.
Harry.
I know what you should write.
What?
Tell her she's better off
with the other man.
And no matter how much you love her,
that you've got to let her go.
You gotta do what a man's gotta do.
I guarantee you, if you let her go,
she'll be driving out here
to share your sleeping bag.
Well, I don't think so,
but thanks anyway.
Just phrase it differently.
Or she'll recognise the lines.
She will.
Yeah, I'm telling you.
All right, we're rolling.
Action, Edwin!
I think we're having an earthquake!
Keep going!
Go with the horses!
Jack!
Jones, get in there and put that fire out.
Stay with the horses!
- You all right, Carl?
- Yeah!
All right, keep rolling. Keep rolling.
Hey, kid, that's gas!
I don't think that was water.
Is anybody in there?
All right, keep rolling.
Property! Get some of Kitty's
possessions back in there.
And get Harry's horse up here.
Kitty, get back in there!
Carl, go with Kitty!
Clear the frame
and let's get Harry's horse up here.
Indy! Get Harry's horse.
All right, Kitty, now your house
is burning down. Go with it!
Go with it!
How could they do this to us?
Good, all right, more.
Now say, "My home, my farm!"
My home! My home!
All right, "My farm!" Say, "My farm!"
My home! My farm!
- Getting this, Carl?
- Yes, I am, Jack.
Okay, Kitty, now I'm going to send Harry
in galloping on the horse.
He's going to try and save you from
running back into the burning house,
to save your things,
everything you own is in there.
Harry, ready? Go now!
- No!
- Save her, come on!
Good, now fight him.
Fight him with all your heart.
Give everything you've got!
With all your heart!
All right, that's good.
Give me more! Give me more!
Oh, my God! A snake!
Snake! Snake!
- You got the snake, huh?
- Snake!
- Keep rolling!
- Okay, okay, I'm rolling.
Harry, if you can I want you to go inside,
try and save some of her things.
Flannegan, get up here
with that squeezebox.
Play When Irish Eyes.
Coming right up.
All right, Kitty!
It's dangerous, try and stop him.
No, Harry! Don't!
Great.
Okay, pick it up. Now, really look at it.
Great.
Really look at it.
Okay, Harry, now come in behind her
and touch her very gently.
Oh, great, tilt down, Carl.
Now bend down,
and help her pick up the pieces.
Cut!
That's a wrap.
I've never seen anyone run so fast
as when you saw that snake.
I hate snakes.
What are you afraid of?
It's a long story.
Hey, looks like the supply truck.
It is the supply truck.
- Mail!
- And booze!
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
Kitty, did anything come for me
from the studio?
No.
Yeah.
Maybe you should have done
what Jack said and written a letter.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm sorry
I burned down your house.
Nothing like a series of disasters
to move the story along.
Mr Jones, would you bring my script
over here, please?
Yeah, but it's going to be a very tricky
situation, Jack. I mean
Thanks, son.
Right, what have we got here?
Well, there's still one more scene
to shoot in the house.
What about the scenes before the fire?
The story won't make any sense
without them.
Are you deaf?
Have you heard what I've said?
Jack, we need an house.
- A what?
- The house.
We still have the door frame.
Why don't we just rebuild the house?
Not on this budget, son.
We'll shoot the scene in the door frame.
Camera's ready, Jack.
Well, for Christ's sakes,
where's Edwin?
He was pretty drunk last night.
He's still out for the count, Mr Ford.
Well, drag him down here,
we'll prop him up in the door frame
and shoot over his shoulder.
You don't mind acting with a corpse,
do you, Kitty?
What's new?
Get that hat on.
Carl, you got a frame?
Yes, back up a little more there, Jack.
Okay, you're out of frame.
Drop your arms. Thank you very much.
All right, turn over.
Slate!
Action, Kitty.
You do what I tell you,
you understand, Slim?
You go back to your father
and you tell him I'm not moving.
Make it smaller, Kitty.
You do what I say,
you understand, Slim?
Tell him you're not moving us.
A little bit smaller.
Hold the look.
All right, cut. Print that. Next set-up.
Edwin, Edwin!
Edwin?
He's not drunk, he's dead!
What's that, Wyatt?
Sorry, folks.
Looks like Edwin wasn't
alone last night.
Oh, well, um
Jack?
All right, let's take a break.
Oh, God, now wait a minute.
Edwin was one of us.
I don't know what to say.
Let's just take a moment.
Okay, back to work. Props?
Jack, excuse me.
We've got to stop filming.
We've got to.
How are we going to finish
without a Slim?
What?
Harry returns with Kitty,
it's the first time you've seen him.
Now you're meant to recognise him.
You tell all the others not to trust him.
All right, let's turn over.
Action, Harry!
All right, sort through your
saddlebag, Mr Jones.
Right, right.
No, slower.
All right now, look at them.
Not at me, look at them, Harry and Kitty.
Look at them.
- All right now, saddle your horse.
- Yes, sir.
Cut!
What are you doing, Mr Jones?
Sir, it's the saddle. It's just
Quiet!
Ladies and gentlemen,
anyone who cannot put one foot
in front of the other
without falling flat on his face
has yet to make it out of the nursery.
I've never seen such basic lack of
coordination in one human being.
That's lunch.
- Thank you.
- Good job, kid.
-See? It worked.
“What worked?
Jack bawling you out in front of
the whole company.
Now you got everybody pulling for you.
Before they were just waiting
to see you fall on your face.
Well, I did fall on my face.
I'm from New York.
If I can make a living out of
playing cowboy, so can you.
It all seems really easy until you
actually have to do it.
Hi, Indy, hi, fellas.
- Hi, Kitty.
- Hi.
-So how do you do it?
“What?
Act.
Don't look at the camera or Jack,
and keep your hands
out of your pockets.
Just loosen up.
How?
Look, Jack didn't hire you
just because the hat fit.
He's a better director than that.
You can do this, and he knows you can.
The farm is theirs,
and I intend to see it stays that way.
The farm is theirs,
and I intend to see it stays that way.
You grabbed a branding iron
by the hot end, pal.
Let it go.
There's three steps to hell, Johnny Flint.
According to what I know of your lousy
record, you've taken all three of them.
No, wait!
Go, go, go!
No, no, that's my pa!
- That first one is for lying.
- Oh, he hit me!
Two, that's for stealing.
Three, murder.
Cut. I want to print that.
Cut!
Sorry about that, Indy,
guess I got a little carried away.
Harry, that was perfect.
What do you think, Wyatt?
Right on the money, Jack.
Good job.
Action, Harry!
All right, now!
- Come on.
- It's broken.
Here we go.
I don't know what you guys are
going to do without any stuntmen.
Well, I'm sure Mr Ford will
think of something.
Excuse me, would you mail this for me?
Thank you.
Don't move.
Stretcher!
- Hey, car's coming, Harry.
- Yeah, it's not the mail truck, Wyatt.
Think the studio's coming
to shut you down?
Yeah, we'll find out soon enough.
But, Jack, we're a day behind.
How many pages have
we been doing a day?
Ten.
Let me see your script.
One, two, five, not that one,
seven, eight, nine, ten.
Now we're back on schedule.
Claire!
What have they done to you,
Indiana Jones?
What do you mean?
Oh, this is my costume.
Didn't you get my letter?
That's why I'm here.
- Do you always write letters like this?
- What do you mean?
"No one can stop me loving you, Claire."
"But I'm just not the right man for you."
"You need someone steady,
reliable and smart, like old Tony."
I nearly vomited over my waffles
when I read this.
And who are you to tell me
who's right for me and who isn't?
Well, you look better in that hat, it fits.
You try it.
What do you think?
Every time I see this hat,
it'll remind me of you,
and the desert and the movies.
Come on! Get some muscle into it!
We haven't got all day, come on!
This is great, this is just perfect.
Don't worry, Jack,
we'll get this one up for you.
Don't worry, Jack.
Oh, come on, Jack, there isn't time.
We've got to get this in the can
and we ain't got no more stuntmen.
- Well, I got the kid.
- Come on, you got to be joking, Jack.
I don't have a choice.
Jack!
- Good morning, Mr Jones.
- Morning.
- Well, it's the last day.
- Yeah, the last day.
But we should all be home by sundown,
if everything goes well.
How did you figure that?
Well, let me show you.
You see, it's like this.
Originally, there were five long scenes,
where Slim saved Kitty but
we've had to narrow it down
to one scene,
where he saved her
from a runaway wagon.
That looks pretty dangerous.
Is it going down or up?
Oh, it's going down.
That looks
Don't worry about it, it's going to be fun.
Kitty's going to be
right here alongside you.
Not today, Jack, no stunts for me.
Call me when you want me
for my close-ups.
Well, you know, Kitty's right.
I guess I could just
double her with a dummy.
But you, Mr Jones
Well, you're indispensable.
Without this shot, I haven't got a movie.
How much would you pay a stuntman?
Claire, this is between
me and Mr Jones.
Tell him how much you pay a stuntman
for a job like that, Jack.
$50, $55.
- I'll do it for $60.
- $60?
Done.
Big mistake.
- No, Claire, that's most of my tuition
- Big mistake.
Claire, I can do this.
It's not a big mistake.
Yes, it is. He would have paid you $100.
All right, Mr Jones. This is the shot.
You ride up alongside the wagon,
you jump from your horse to the team.
I'll be filming it from the truck.
Good luck.
Just don't forget,
once you're on the wagon,
pull 'em up as soon as you can.
There's no time to waste.
Those final curves are fatal.
Yes, sir.
All right, let's get this done.
Roll cameras!
Action, wagon!
Action, Jones, action!
That looks good, Indy, keep coming!
All right, go on, Indy!
Go on! Come along this side!
Okay, Indy, jump on the horse!
Jump!
Big mistake this was!
Wake up, wake up.
- Great.
- Nice work, Jones.
Thank you.
I'd say you have a future here,
if you want one, son.
Are you sure you don't
want to stay, Indy?
I think I'll stick to
archaeology, it's safer.
We'll miss you, Indy,
so drop us a line sometime.
- Take care of that leg.
- Take care.
Come back soon
and take care of your foot.
Okay.
- Good luck, kid.
- All right, thanks.
The movies seem like the best place
to be when you're depressed.
Yeah, I had a feeling having three
girlfriends was going to be trouble.
Especially when one of them was
the boss's daughter.
Tough luck, though, you getting fired.
And without a job,
I'll never get next year's tuition.
Cheer up.
Mr White says you saved his show.
He wants to help you.
He's got this friend, Carl Laemmle,
runs Universal Pictures.
He says for you to go see him.
There may be a job for you in
moving pictures.
That's great!
No.
Hi, I'm here to see Mr Laemmle.
The elevator is right there on the right.
Okay, yes, sir.
Mr Laemmle will see you now.
- Can I take your coat?
- Thank you.
Mr Jones, come in.
My good friend, George White,
tells me you're smart,
that you ran his show like clockwork,
and that you saved, you should pardon
the expression, his bacon, that right?
Well, I guess so, sir.
Wonderful!
And in a month's time you're going back
to the University of Chicago,
where you're studying
to be an orthodontist.
- An archaeologist.
- Wonderful! You're just the guy I need.
- What for?
- Mr Jones, I got a problem.
Out on the coast, I got a moving picture
shooting and it's out of control.
The director is a madman, a genius.
But meshuge,
he thinks money grows on trees.
Look how we're having to advertise!
"He's going to make you hate him"
"even if we have to spend a million
dollars of our money to do it."
A million dollars!
- But where do I come in?
- You don't come in, you go out.
Go out where?
To Hollywood as my
personal representative,
I want you to get out there
and take charge.
Tell that lunatic, von Stroheim,
he finishes the picture in ten days,
or else you pull the plugs.
Close it down!
Here's your railroad ticket.
Plus $100 expenses.
You get $200 more
when you finish the job.
This gives you my personal authority
to do whatever you think
is necessary, okay?
Mr Laemmle, isn't there someone
already running the studio?
My brother-in-law, Izzy Bernstein.
Well, why doesn't he just go down
Nice guy, but a shiimil.
Won't answer my cables,
doesn't take my calls.
Then there's my nephews, I got scores
of them out there, hundreds maybe.
I lost count already, but not one
of them can do a damn thing!
Well, Mr Laemmle,
I think you ought to know
that I don't know anything about
motion pictures.
You don't have to.
All you have to do is tell von Stroheim,
he finishes in ten days or else it's kaput.
What do you say?
Well, I think that $300
is an awful lot of money
just for delivering a message.
I'll pay you an extra $300 bonus
if you come through.
Mr Laemmle, you've got yourself a deal.
Mazel tov!
Watch your step.
Watch your step.
Welcome to California.
Excuse me, sir,
do you know Universal Studios?
The funny farm? Yeah, who doesn't?
Watch your step, Mac.
Hi, Indiana Jones here
to see Mr Bernstein.
Straight ahead, sir.
Good luck, buddy.
Okay. Thanks.
Thanks!
Mr Jones! Welcome to
Universal City, Mr Jones.
- Mr Bernstein.
- Have a cigar?
- No, no, I
- That's all right.
I'd like to introduce you to some
of my associates.
This is Abe Laemmle, Sol Laemmle,
Manny Laemmle,
- Morrie Bernstein and Joe Bernstein.
- Gentlemen.
Have a seat.
Well, I guess you all know why I'm here.
Of course, it has to do with the
Foolish Wives.
- Is Uncle Carl a little bit mad?
- No.
No, Uncle Carl's not a little bit mad.
No, he's very mad.
He seems to think that
the picture is completely out of control.
Manny, why is the picture out of control?
Yeah, Manny,
why is the picture out of control?
It's not my fault.
Only last week, Stroheim
ordered a battleship.
A thousand pair of silk underwear
for the extras?
To make them feel more
like aristocrats.
- With monograms yet.
- Plus 6,000 pairs of silk stockings.
- Gowns ordered straight from Paris.
- Caviar from Russia.
Crystal, porcelain, tapestries
I told you!
I can't control him! Nobody can!
Gentlemen!
This picture's got to be completed
in ten days.
- That seems pretty clear.
- But who is going to tell Stroheim?
- Someone has to tell von Stroheim.
- But who?
Me, that's why I'm here.
This letter from your uncle gives me
complete authority.
He's right, that's why he's here.
So, where do I find this Stroheim?
- I'll take him.
- Thank you, Irving.
Thank you.
Gentlemen.
- I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
- Irving Thalberg.
Indiana Jones.
So are you a relative, too?
No.
I was Mr Laemmle's private secretary.
He sent me out here
a couple of months ago.
So what do you do now?
Just observing, you know,
learning the business.
This is a business?
Oh, yeah, like any other.
Only it's an art form, too,
which makes it little peculiar.
You could say that again.
I've seen a lot of strange things.
Oh, geez!
- Is it always like this?
- Mostly.
It's really not as chaotic as it seems,
it's really pretty efficient.
Or it could be,
if it was structured the right way.
Universal City is the largest
motion picture studio in the world.
Tour costs a quarter,
Mr Laemmle says it's great publicity.
- Like that!
- Roll camera!
Get even, the both of you!
Hit him over the head
with the rolling pin!
Great!
All right, cue the snow!
Stop! Stop. Stop.
The trouble is, the market for
these two-reelers is shrinking.
There's still money to be made.
But the real future of the industry
lies in features.
Quality, full-length pictures.
And now you're about to see one of
the most expensive features
that's ever been made.
Are you sure you want to go
through with this?
How tough can this be?
I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Excuse me, could you tell me
- Excuse me, could you tell me
- You must be quiet!
I need to speak to Mr Stroheim.
He's not even doing anything.
He's thinking.
- Tough!
- No, you mustn't disturb him!
Excuse me, Mr Stroheim?
My name is Jones,
I just got in from New York.
Mr Laemmle sent me and
Well, as you can see from this letter
Well, we have a serious problem
and I'm here to fix it.
Now, I'm sure you're
a reasonable man so
You have ten days to
complete the picture,
or I'm going to close it down.
Is that clear?
Okay, great, well, Mr Stroheim
Von Stroheim!
Erich Oswald Hans Carl Maria
Nordenwall von Stroheim.
Okay, I
My father was an Austrian count,
my mother a German baroness
and lady in waiting
to the Empress of Austria.
I was a member of
His Majesty's bodyguard.
But more, I am an artist.
Here, in my studio, I create.
I paint with light and shadow.
I reach into the depths of my very soul.
What do you know of my agony?
You, with your pathetic little
shopkeeper's mind!
With your ridiculous talk of ten days!
Tell Mr Laemmle,
only von Stroheim decides the fate
of a von Stroheim picture.
Not some stupid, ignorant, pathetic,
imbecile errand boy.
Places now, we begin.
Places, everybody! Places, please!
Right away, please.
Places, please!
- Well, you sure told him.
- Yeah, thanks, thanks a lot.
Look, how much of this movie
has he already shot?
About 30 reels.
How many reels do you need
to make a picture?
- Ten.
- Ten?
- How many more does he need?
- Enough to finish telling the story.
- Claire! One of our best writers.
- You want to see me?
- Claire, this is Indiana Jones.
- Yeah.
-Indiana Jones, Claire Lieberman.
“We've met.
No broken bones, I hope.
No, not yet.
Claire, how much more does Von
have to shoot?
It's hard to say. He keeps adding things.
There's the storm sequence,
the fire in the castle
Fire, real fire?
Of course,
this is a von Stroheim picture.
That sounds expensive.
How long does that take? A day?
Half a day?
No, you don't burn down a real castle
in a day.
- It's scheduled for three weeks.
- Three weeks?
No, it's impossible!
- Oh, why?
- Because I've only got
Von Stroheim's only got ten days.
Lose the fire!
- It's an important story point, Mr Jones.
- Yeah, but you see
Lose it,
and the picture makes no sense.
Look, you don't understand.
Look, what is this movie about, anyway?
- You don't know?
- No.
Well, then I suggest you find out,
Mr Jones.
You see this? It's called a script.
I think you'd better read one
before you start
making any more stupid suggestions.
Good day, Mr Jones.
Irving, give me a script.
Will you help me, please?
There's just so much here
that doesn't seem necessary.
Like the fire?
No, the fire's important. It shows that
the Count's really a coward.
What about the storm sequence?
Is that vital?
I don't know. I'm so close to it.
This is impossible.
All right, hold on. Hold on a second.
Jack, do you have a minute?
Jack, this is Indiana Jones.
- Hi, I'm Jack Ford, I make Westerns.
- Good to know you.
- Of course, Claire.
- Hi, Claire.
We have a problem.
Well, does it have a German accent?
Yeah, and how much has he
cost you so far?
Over a million, and still climbing.
I can make 25 pictures
for that kind of dough.
What we really need is to finish
shooting the picture, but in the script
No, forget the script.
What does the footage look like?
The film that's already been shot,
have you seen it yet?
No.
Well, I suggest you take a look at it.
Because it's not what's on the page
that counts, it's what's up on the screen.
Okay, thank you.
It's good, it's very good.
It's great.
This could be one of
the best movies ever.
All the more reason to save it,
wouldn't you say?
Yeah.
Mr Thalberg,
you really shouldn't be here.
Ed, relax.
Yeah, but if Mr Von ever finds out
I let you see this
Relax, Ed, nothing's going to happen,
trust me.
Well,
we've just seen four hours of film.
How much more of this is he planning
on shooting?
He thought up three new scenes
this morning.
Okay. Ed, let's roll it again.
- How's your headache? Any better?
- It's worse.
Well, if it's any consolation,
I have one, too.
I had no idea making movies
was this hard.
I thought physics class was tough.
You know something?
It's a cinch compared to this.
- Where to now?
- Back to my hotel, I guess.
Unless you have a better idea?
Feeling better?
Yeah, thanks for taking me.
I figured we both needed to get away
from that loony bin.
Yeah.
- Irving says it's not run properly.
- For him, it goes deeper than that.
He wants a revolution.
What do you mean?
A whole new system.
You see, in motion pictures now,
the director is king.
And Irving wants the producer
to be king.
Would that work?
If the producer is a genius.
Maybe Irving is, I don't know.
But if the Bernsteins of this world ever
get a hold of real power
Yeah, I know what you mean.
So, where do the writers come in?
Usually? Last.
What, are you serious?
Perfectly.
There's a time around the beginning
when you're important.
Because all they have
is what's here.
But once the script is written,
the writer is the lowest of the low.
"A necessary evil," as Irving says.
So why do you do it then?
Because for me, making movies
is the most important thing in the world.
I love it.
Yeah, I know.
You ready to go?
You're beautiful.
Indy, I have a boyfriend.
You don't want to be here?
- That's it! I got it!
- You got what?
Indy, I know how we
can finish the movie.
Great.
So this is perfect.
All we do is we lose the storm scene
and move the fire scene off till later.
Combine it with the gambling
scene from the villa.
- And we practically got an ending.
- That was Claire's idea?
It's brilliant!
- I could kiss her.
- I already did.
Fired? Who fired you?
Von Stroheim. Who else?
Somebody must have told him
we'd saw the footage yesterday.
It wasn't me, Mr Thalberg. Honest.
Who cares who it was?
All I know is I'm off Foolish Wives.
Don't worry, Claire, I'll recommend that
you're put on the movie Sex and Satan.
- Really?
- My word of honour.
Okay, Ed, get out the stuff
we saw yesterday.
- I don't have it, Mr Thalberg.
“What?
It got taken away
first thing this morning.
- Who took it?
- Need you ask?
I want to see Mr von Stroheim.
Thank you.
Morgen, Herr Jones.
You would care to join me.
No, thank you, Mr von Stroheim. No.
You sure? Because it's beautiful.
Now, you listen to me
Willingly, but somewhere more relaxing.
Come.
Glass of oxblood, Mr Jones?
No, thank you.
Delicious.
Some caviar?
No, I already ate. Listen, Mr Stroheim,
I want that film back.
Film? What film?
The film you took from
the cutting room this morning.
From the cutting room? I have no film.
Listen, I'm getting tired of
horsing around.
Von Stroheim never horses around.
Then give me the film back.
You are calling me a liar?
- He denied it?
- Absolutely.
Short of raiding his castle,
I don't know what else we can do.
Relax, I've just been talking to the lab.
They still have the negative,
we can strike another print.
That's great.
So, what's the plan?
Well, there's only one vital sequence
we need to finish the story.
- The sewer scene.
- And the sewer scene is
Where von Stroheim's body is thrown
into the Monte Carlo sewer,
floats out to sea
and gets eaten by an octopus.
- No, but the octopus is out.
- Yes!
But if you just shoot the first part
Don't you see? The story is over.
This is perfect!
Then all we have to do is kill him.
Von Stroheim has to die.
Yes!
What are you thinking?
About you.
Really?
No, not just you.
Well, so, who then?
- Tony.
- Tony?
How different he is to you.
How I wish I could have
both you and him in the same person.
I thought Tony was history.
History?
Never!
The day I lose Tony
is the day I lose my sense of humor.
If I lose that, I may as well die.
No, I love the guy.
But I thought you said
that you loved me.
I do love you.
But you're going to be gone
in two weeks.
Haven't you ever loved two women?
Yeah.
Well, I have three loves.
Three? Who else?
You, Tony and the movies.
So what if we're two ships
passing in the night?
Let's enjoy it.
And God knows,
you're only young once.
Wait!
I don't see a sewer scene here.
Where's the sewer scene?
- No, it's not scheduled till next month.
- Next month?
We've got all that stuff with
the Italian prince to shoot first.
Oh, no!
What Italian prince?
Prince Massimo, I forgot.
Who the heck is Prince Massimo?
A real Italian prince von Stroheim
brought in specially.
Von loves his accent.
Loves his accent?
But there's no sound!
These are silent pictures!
Send him back!
No can do, Mr Jones,
he starts work Monday morning.
This is insane.
What if he doesn't show up?
Then we shoot something else.
Like the sewer scene, right?
- Right.
- Okay.
- What are you going to do?
- I don't know. I don't know.
All I know is Stroheim
is not going to win.
I'm going to beat him if it's
the last thing I do. If I have to
Wait a minute.
- This is beautiful.
- What's beautiful?
We kidnap him!
You nuts?
No. He's a foreigner.
All we have to do is drive him down
to Mexico and dump him.
Dump him?
Exactly, he doesn't have a passport,
they'll never let him back in.
- Indy, this is madness!
- No, it might work.
No, this will work.
This will definitely work.
Are you with me?
Chuck, is the set built
for the sewer scene?
- Built and ready, Mr Thalberg.
- Schedule it for Monday.
- But Mr Von said
- That's an order.
Yes, sir!
Chuck, you didn't hear any of this, right?
No, sir.
So where do we find this Massimo?
Doug Fairbanks and Mary Pickford are
giving a party tonight.
The prince is sure to be there.
Allow me to be of assistance.
Welcome to Pickfair.
Okay, so where's Massimo?
-There he is!
“Where?
He's a prince?
- Looks more like a waiter.
- So, do we grab him?
No, we make sure he's nice
and plastered first.
No problem.
Here goes, join me later.
Pardon me, are you Prince Massimo?
I've heard so much about you.
- Well, shall we dance?
- Love to.
Okay, see if you can see him.
They're not ready yet.
Hi, Rudy, hi, Pola.
Okay, check again.
Yeah.
There's the signal.
Principe Massimo,
I want you to meet Claire.
Indiana Jones.
- Hi, how are you?
- I'm fine.
How are you enjoying the party,
Your Highness?
It's so boring.
- Do you agree?
- Yeah. Bad.
- Terrible!
- Horrible party!
I know where there's
a great party, though.
Really? Where?
It's just south of here.
Would you like to go check it out?
That's a great idea.
What do you say, Your Highness?
I say andiamo!
- Goodness!
- There we go.
Be careful, Your Highness.
Right this way, Prince.
- Wake up, wake up, Your Highness!
- We're at the party!
This man's very sick, he needs tequila.
My friend here is sick, please
Indy, are you sure about this?
I'm positive, when he wakes up he'll
have no idea he ever left Beverly Hills.
Great, let's go!
See you back in the trenches.
Well, that was easy.
With the prince stuck in Mexico,
Von will have to shoot the sewer scene.
I don't know, actors can be funny
about their death scenes.
- What do you mean?
- Superstitious.
No, Claire, this will work, trust me.
You're pretty amazing, you know that?
You're pretty amazing, too.
Indy,
I think I'm falling in love with you.
I think I'm falling in love with you, too.
Do you think he's going to go for it?
You're in shtuke if he doesn't.
Was ist das?
The sewer, Mr Von.
Dummkopf, I know it is a sewer.
What is it doing here?
Well, you see, sir
- Where is the Principe Massimo?
- That's the problem, sir.
- He's disappeared.
- Disappeared?
Which is why we set up the sewer,
this is the scene
I know, where I'm supposed to die.
Where is Claire?
Quick, he's calling you.
- Claire!
- Go, go!
Claire, darling,
I have had an inspiration.
I am a genius. Write this down.
But, Mr von Stroheim, you fired me.
I fired you? Impossible!
Now, write, write!
We're not in a sewer,
but by the sea at Monte Carlo.
Count Karamzin invites the wife
of the American ambassador
into his little boat.
Heady perfume, silken froufrou,
atmosphere of seduction.
Sensuous, erotic.
Get me 100 gondolas.
A million flowers!
And actors in ten minutes,
and we rehearse.
- He just keeps making things up.
- Yes, he does.
And it's so wonderful.
What are we shooting tomorrow?
The duel, where the Count
fights with the American ambassador.
- The duel? If there's a duel
- Forget it, the Count wins.
There's got to be a way.
There's just got to.
- Indy, we're getting worried about you.
- Well, don't.
I'll think of something, even if
I have to kill von Stroheim myself.
- Indy!
- Indy!
- Bring me the pistols.
- Yes, sir.
They are loaded?
Only with blanks, Mr Von.
- I am supposed to use blanks?
- Yes.
- Very well, today I make an exception.
- Thank you.
Yes, Mr Von. Exactly. Okay.
- Where's Indy?
- I don't know, he said he'd be here.
Indy!
- What kept you, Indy?
- I had to go to the toy store.
- The toy store?
- I'll explain it to you later.
- What's happening?
- Von's rehearsing the duel.
We take six paces, we turn,
you raise your pistol.
- Understood?
- Yes, Mr Von.
But then you hesitate,
because I, as Count Karamzin,
do not raise my pistol.
I stare at you
taunting, gloating.
- It is a moment of great tension, ja?
- Yes, Mr Von.
You can bear it no longer, so you fire,
but you are pathetic, you miss.
What is that?
You bought marbles? What for?
I'm going to roll them on the ground
at Stroheim's feet when he fires.
What?
The tension is unbearable,
women in the audience faint.
Then slowly,
I raise my pistol
and shoot you between the eyes.
Wonderful, Mr Von.
Places, we shoot!
If we can get him to fall over,
it'll look like he's been shot.
We'll have a death scene,
we can finish the movie.
You must be out of your mind!
Do you have any better ideas?
No.
Quiet! This will be for picture.
All right, settle, everyone.
Ready when you are, Mr Von.
Music, camera!
Action!
- Cut!
- Gott im Himmel!
What is going on here? Cut!
What is going on here?
I don't know, Mr Von, they just fell over.
Do you want to go again?
No. The mood is ruined.
We try again after lunch.
It was a perfectly good idea.
Oh, I see.
Von's up to his old tricks again, huh?
- Well, what is it this time?
- He won't fall over.
He won't fall over?
We need to make him literally,
but we can't think of a way.
Well, why don't you slip him a Mickey,
like one of these?
Are those any good?
Well, they work on horses, I don't see
why they wouldn't work on Krauts.
Who's going to slip it to him?
Me. I owe Von one.
Jack Ford, you are an angel.
No, I'm just a guy who makes Westerns.
Seventh Cavalry to the rescue.
- What if Von sees him do it?
- No. Don't say that, look.
Go, go, go, down the hatch.
Quiet now. Settle please.
Find your positions. Stand by to shoot.
Quiet, quiet, quiet.
Ready when you are, Mr Von.
Mr Von?
Sir?
- He's asleep already!
- We're all ready for you, sir.
- No, no, no, no.
- Yes, he is.
Mr Von?
Sir, we're ready for the shot.
We're all set for the shot, sir.
Cameras are ready, Mr Von.
Sir?
Was ist das?
- Ja, danke.
- We're ready for the shot, sir.
Pistol.
Was ist das?
That's your pistol, Mr Von.
Forgive me.
Get on with it!
I seem a little
Start the scene!
- Music.
- Music.
Camera.
He's asleep again.
Und action!
Turn!
Fire!
Fall, you square head!
Jones!
Jones.
Cut!
We did it! Fantastic!
- Here's to you, Indy!
- No, here's to us.
Ten days to the day,
one more day and I'd have blown it.
- Looking forward to your bonus?
- Oh, you could say that again.
Well, you deserve it.
Most of all, I'm looking forward to telling
Stroheim that this is where he gets off.
I saw the rushes from the duel scene.
It's terrific.
I'm sorry, but the picture's finished.
Mr Stroheim?
Tomorrow, I'm laying off
the cast and crew.
Congratulations, Mr Stroheim,
you've done a great job.
No, Herr Jones.
It is I who must congratulate.
You have beaten von Stroheim.
- You have won.
- No hard feelings?
- You have won.
- No hard feelings?
My dear chap, I am a realist.
And I recognise a worthy opponent
when I see one.
A last farewell, if you will permit me.
Sure.
Goodbye, my glorious dream.
No, Mr Stroheim, I
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I'm sure the picture will turn out
just great.
You are right.
I am a sentimental fool. Enough!
Tonight, you will celebrate
your great triumph.
Well, I haven't really thought about it.
Wait, wait, I have an idea.
There is a gala premiere I was planning
to attend, but under the circumstances,
you will take the beautiful Claire.
But I Gee, I don't know what to say.
"Thank you," will be sufficient.
Mr Jones,
welcome to Hollywood, at last.
We're going have to
thank Stroheim for this.
He gave up too easily.
Stroheim? Don't worry about him.
I've got him nailed.
Then why do I have this feeling
like it's not over yet?
You think he's going to try
and pull a fast one?
It wouldn't be the first time.
Now look, I'm going to wake up
early in the morning,
I'm going to the studio
and I'm gonna lay off the whole crew.
There's nothing he can do about it.
So smile, it's great, we all won.
I've got next year's tuition,
you get to do Sex and Satan
There's Gloria Swanson,
I need to talk to her, I'll see you later.
Gloria!
Poor Irving,
he can't stop thinking about movies.
How are you?
I guess you'll be leaving soon.
Classes don't start for
a couple of weeks so
- I was thinking maybe
- Yes?
I was thinking maybe I'd stick around
here and spend them with you.
- Really?
- Would you like that?
Darling, I'd adore it!
What if he hasn't accepted it?
What if he's still in there working?
- He wouldn't dare.
- He would dare, and you know it.
What if the crew is still on his side?
Then I'll fire the whole bunch of them.
One squawk out of anyone,
and I'll have them thrown off the lot.
Attention, ladies and gentlemen,
I have a small announcement
Where the hell is everybody?
George, where'd they go?
- George, where is everybody?
- They all went to Mexico.
To Mexico?
They came in last night,
Mr von Stroheim's orders.
Crated everything up, and took off.
What's this?
But how did he know?
"Dear Von, stranded here in Mexico.
Stop. Only you can save me. Stop."
"Come quickly. Massimo."
- Paging Mr Thalberg?
- That's me.
- Paging Mr Jones.
- Darnedest thing I ever saw.
- Telegram for you, Mr Thalberg.
- Thanks.
- And for you, Mr Jones.
- Thank you.
Thank you, sir, have a beautiful day.
It's from Mr Laemmle.
I've been fired without my bonus.
You think you've got problems?
This is from Laemmle, too.
I've just been made head
of Universal Pictures.
- You know what my first assignment is?
- Take control of von Stroheim.
- So, Irving's going down to Mexico?
- He already left.
Now I'm stuck in Hollywood,
with no money, no job.
Indy, I could always
loan you some money.
No, it's all right. It's very sweet of you.
I'm sure I'll get myself
out of this somehow.
I'll be right back.
Tony, you silly!
What were you thinking?
See you later.
- Who's that?
- See you!
- That's my friend Tony.
- That's Tony?
- Tony, what is he? A slapstick artist?
- No, he's a writer.
He's a smart guy, he just doesn't look
where he's going sometimes, that's all.
Claire! Jones!
- I heard you two got fired.
- Yeah.
Stroheim is still shooting.
I guess my Mickey Finn didn't work.
No, it worked.
Well, then I guess
it wasn't strong enough.
No, any stronger
and you'd have killed him.
That's exactly what I mean.
And where is young Mr Thalberg?
- He's still trying to stop him.
- He won't.
Claire, you busy? I need an assistant.
You're too late, Jack.
- I'm working on Sex and Satan.
- A comedy.
How I wish!
What about you, Mr Jones?
You want to come work for me?
- Doing what?
- Assistant.
Pay's not good,
but it'll get you that ticket.
I've got to be back
in a couple of weeks, so
That's all the time I got.
Two-day prep,
five-day shoot, three-day edit.
Well, what's it called, Jack?
How do I know?
I haven't picked up the script yet.
Well, do you want the job, Jones?
That's Hollywood for you.
Studio executive one day,
gofer the next.
All right, let's head 'em up.
- You mean now?
- Yeah, we're burning daylight.
Right, right.
I'll come by for you when I finish.
You do that.
Hi, guys.
Here's your first job. Carry these.
Six Steps To Hell?
-Yeah, by Alphone Studders.
“Who?
Exactly. Let's go find Harry
and we'll see what he thinks.
Indy? Where did you get
a name like that? From your dog?
Yeah, as a matter of fact I did.
Well, I suppose it's
as good a name as Ford.
Ford's not your real name?
O'Feeny. Sean Aloysius O'Feeny.
- So, you're Irish.
- You ever been there?
Yeah, I was in Dublin during
the Easter Uprising.
Why did you change your name?
Sounds like you named
yourself after a car.
I didn't, my brother did.
He came out here first.
- Francis Ford, you heard of him?
- No.
- Good, glad to hear it.
- Why? Should I have?
He's quite a director, learned most
of what I know from him.
Like you, I was hungry
and he took me on.
- Doing what?
- Stunts.
That was good of him.
Yeah well, he almost got me killed
more than once.
Well, you're named after a dog,
I'm named after a car,
we should get along fine. Harry!
Jack. They said you were coming over.
Well, it's another piece of junk.
Even worse than the last.
I think Mr Jones here could have
probably written a better script.
- Excuse me, sir, but perhaps
- I wasn't serious about that, Jones.
A good assistant should be seen
and not heard.
- What did we do this time last year?
- Feuding farmers and ranchers.
Let's just reverse that.
Take some notes, Mr Jones.
We'll call the ranchers the Flints.
- Flints.
- Farmers can be the Sims.
Good.
Okay, we open right before you return.
So old Flint calls on you.
An embittered, freelance outlaw.
Now old Flint,
he wants the farmers out.
So, what does he do?
Sets up my only best friend to get me.
A marksman.
- Killer.
- Yeah, killer.
All right, so now you see old Flint
and this man for what they really are.
They are your evil sign.
They have broken every sacred code
that you have now
committed your life to.
They have to die.
What do you think, Harry?
It's going to have to be the best
gunfight we've ever done, Jack.
Jones, I want you to go
over to the Waterhole.
It's on Hollywood and Cahuenga.
It's where the rodeo cowboys hang out
and wait for bit parts in movies.
Ask for Wyatt Earp.
Wyatt Earp?
- Tombstone Wyatt Earp?
- Tell him Harry and I sent you.
Right.
Can I help you?
Yes, ma'am. I was told
- Is Wyatt Earp here?
- In the back.
Hi, I'm looking for Wyatt Earp.
Do you know where I can find him?
Who wants to know?
Indiana Jones.
Mr Earp?
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
I was sent out here to see
if you wouldn't
mind coming back to Universal City,
to give us some information
on a Western we're shooting.
Mr Ford, Jack Ford,
and Harry Carey sent me.
Well, why didn't you say so?
He's okay, boys.
Harry, now!
One more.
Harry, now.
See what I mean?
.45s are simply used to scare off
the critters.
You want to kill somebody,
you got to be able to hit him.
Here's a shell.
- What if you didn't have a rifle?
- Then you got killed.
So, rifles it is.
How'd you fight back
if you didn't have a rifle?
Well, you had to ambush them back.
- That's if you survived their ambush.
- But how?
Was it a showdown? Man to man?
There was no such thing as
a face-to-face shootout.
The OK Corral was a fluke.
Never should have happened.
Yeah, well, I need a good gunfight.
Something real.
Like it was.
Well, the way an ambush worked
- You mean a gunfight?
- I mean an ambush.
All right, an ambush. How'd it work?
Well, first you overawed your man,
and then got as close as you could.
Come up on him from behind
and plug him through the back
with a Winchester.
Well, I can't have Harry shoot somebody
in the back.
Why not? It's what happened.
Because it's not heroic.
Heroic.
None of these men were heroes.
Well, we've got to make him
a good guy.
Good guys, bad guys,
I wish it had been that simple.
Okay, let's make Harry a good bad guy.
A good bad guy?
Yeah, they wouldn't face each other.
They'll hide behind rocks,
like you said, Wyatt.
Good.
Then you can draw their fire,
trick 'em out into the open,
and shoot 'em face on.
Well, I wish I had tried that.
Sounds like it might have worked.
Scene Number 108.
Kitty catches up with Harry. It's sunset.
It's going to be a five-reeler, Jack.
Don't worry about it. Keep typing, Indy.
- "It's sunset."
- All right.
Kitty tries to convince Harry to stay,
but Harry tells her to go back to Slim,
and try and start afresh.
She agrees and heads back
towards the farm, heartbroken.
You got it?
"farm. Heartbroken."
All right, Harry watches her go,
turns into the sunset, alone.
The end.
"The end."
You're wrong, Harry.
This isn't a five-reeler, it's an eight.
But it's going to be
the best eight reels I ever shot.
I know we can do this.
Gentlemen?
- To Six Steps To Hell.
- Six Steps To Hell.
It's 3:00 in the morning,
and you're still working?
Yes.
But I'm almost finished.
How did it go with Jack?
Great, we just got finished
re-writing the script. It's
I can see why you love doing this.
You can?
Yeah, creating a world and characters
and bringing them to life. It's
Yeah, it's hard, though.
Yeah, I wish I could do it.
You could.
I got some invites to a party at Rick's.
And I tried to find you to tell you,
but I couldn't.
You want to go?
Let's just get something to eat.
My place?
Yeah.
How hungry are you?
Very hungry.
- Ham and eggs okay?
- Sounds great.
Put that energy to some use.
Go see what's in the icebox.
Did you find the eggs?
What's the problem?
There's no problem.
Yes, there is.
You have that sulky, little boy look.
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
Like somebody ate all of your candy.
I know that look.
He's my boyfriend, remember?
I thought I was your boyfriend.
That doesn't mean I don't have
feelings for Tony.
Well, that's just a little hard
for me to accept.
Well, you're going to have to.
Why can't you just dump him?
What?
Dump him, you know, get rid of him.
I don't believe this.
Listen, you belong to me.
I don't belong to anybody.
- What gives you the right?
- Because I love you.
Well, that doesn't mean you own me.
I didn't say that.
No, but you think it.
You think you have
exclusive rights over me.
Like I'm some piece of merchandise.
Well, think again.
That's not what I meant.
Well, if you knew me,
you'd know that I don't think like that.
Maybe we just don't know
each other very well.
No, I guess we don't.
We just need some time together.
Real time.
How?
You're leaving for Chicago.
Well, except for one day on location,
I'll still be around for two weeks.
And that's plenty of time
to get to know somebody.
If we feel the same
after we know each other then
What?
I'd like you to come back with me.
Indy!
I have a job here.
- A whole life.
- But I love you.
Look, it'd be easier
if you stayed with me.
- Yeah, but
- Absolutely.
I'd have to change careers, but all
you'd have to do is switch schools.
- It's the easiest way, isn't it?
- Yeah.
Well, we don't have to decide
for two weeks.
What about Tony?
If things work out between us,
I'll be honest with Tony.
He'll understand.
I hope so.
You know,
you two could become friends.
God, this is beautiful, Claire.
Claire?
Jack?
Jack.
You can't do this.
- I can't do what, Pete?
- Look at these days.
You'll have to shoot 15 minutes of
screen time each day, to say the least.
I can do that.
Not on this budget, you can't.
Look, we'll shoot from
sunup to sundown.
Jack, this is meant to be a two-reeler.
- A two-reeler, Pete?
- Yes.
Hell, all they ever give me to shoot
are two-reelers.
Now, if they will not give me the time
and money to shoot a feature,
then I will shoot a feature
with what they give me.
They might try to stop you.
Not where we're headed.
Mr Ford.
I managed to get a wonderful
selection of Colt .44s.
I said no handguns,
I want him to carry a rifle.
- Exactly what I was thinking.
- Mr Ford, how's this?
- No. No.
- Jack.
You expect me to get four times
the amount of stock I've got budgeted?
Yes, that's what I expect, Pete.
And this is not what I want.
I don't want anything fancy,
I don't want anything new.
I want something very simple.
Give me a shawl or something like that.
And don't forget that phonograph.
He's gone.
Indy, go down to Properties and
tell them not to forget that phonograph.
And while you're down there, tell
Transportation we are going to be gone
the entire six days, instead of one.
We're not coming back till
we get this thing in the can.
Does that answer your question, Pete?
Have I ever let you down?
No, but there's always a first time.
- Six days? When do we leave?
- Sundown today.
- I thought we didn't
- Wake up, kid.
If we get there tonight,
I get an extra day.
Hey, Indy, where you going?
I was just going to go tell a friend
of mine that I'm going away.
Go raise that flag over there.
And let those out-of-work
rodeo boys know
we're making a cowboy picture
over here.
How you doing? I heard I was going
to be working with you.
Nice to see you again.
All right, fellas, let's make a Western.
Larry, get up here. Jerry, Logan, Bob.
Jones, our actors have arrived.
Kitty.
- Hello, John.
- -You look terrific.
Now, how many directors actually
meet you at the cab?
- Your script, Jack.
- Hello, young fellow, glad to have you
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
- Let me in on it.
- This is Indiana Jones.
Let's go into the office
and we'll talk about what's going on.
All right.
Everybody into your vehicle.
Get ready to roll.
Hey, Jones! Get back here.
You're riding with Jack and Pete.
Yeah, I was just going to go talk
The maps.
I was just going to get some maps.
Yeah, well, hurry up.
We leave in two minutes.
Tony.
I love your hands.
- Indy!
- Hi.
Hi, come in.
No, I've only got a couple minutes,
I just
We're leaving for Newhall,
and we're going to stay out there
for the whole shoot.
I thought the story was set in a town.
Yeah, I know,
but Jack wants vistas so
So much for our two weeks.
Well, won't you have any time
when you get back?
Classes start on the 5th.
As it is now I'll already be two days late.
Well, this is Tony.
Tony, this is Indy.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.
You're lucky to be working with Jack,
he's one of the best.
It's good to meet you.
Well, if I don't get to see you again,
you've got to write me.
I'll see you.
Yeah, I know.
Bye.
Hey, Indy, let's go.
Jones, where you been?
- I thought you was murdered, son.
- No such luck.
That's what Jack said,
you'd better keep out of his way.
- Who we waiting for now?
- Wyatt Earp.
Forget him, we got to get going.
Let's move.
Good morning, Mr Ford.
A great day for a western, hey?
You made it! I knew you would.
Would you look at that sunset forming?
Yeah, it's beautiful.
It's a shame we can't shoot it.
Who says we can't?
Stop the car! Pull up.
- What, now?
- Stop the car!
All right, here.
I want the camera right here.
Mr Jones, go get me those baby legs.
Pete, get Harry and Kitty
up here right away.
And, Carl, let's put the camera real low.
I want this to be the last shot
of the picture, okay?
Here we go.
- Oh, who packed this?
- Why do they always do this to me?
We've only got the tall legs, Mr Ford.
We're going to have to dig a hole here.
The hell with that,
we'll put them on boxes.
- Planks and a level, step on it, kid.
- Yes, sir.
- I need reflector boards.
- No, forget the reflectors.
We're gonna shoot this in silhouette.
We'll wait for the sun to hide, go behind
that strip of clouds and break it up.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Miss Mayfair, could you move
a little closer please?
Close enough so you can touch.
That's it.
I need music.
Mr Flannegan, if you would?
- Carl?
- Almost, Jack.
- There!
- Okay.
Quiet, please.
And we're rolling.
And action!
All right, Kitty,
I want you to take his hand.
You don't want him to go.
Gaze into his eyes.
Slowly let his hand slip away.
Still looking.
Take one step back very slowly.
Turn.
And back to the farm.
And to Slim.
- She's out of frame.
- It's all yours, Harry.
Cut.
"Dear Claire, I've been thinking about
our relationship."
So, you can understand why Black Jack
felt justified in killing Tyke.
Tyke had broken the code.
Code? What code?
Well, one, he lied.
Two, horse-stealing,
three, woman-stealing,
four, cowardice,
five, double crossing a friend,
and six, murder.
He broke the code
and he deserved to die.
How you doing, Jones?
I'm fine.
You some kind of loner?
No.
Why don't you come over here
and join us?
Ladies and gentlemen,
I think Mr Jones misses his woman.
Well, then he should
get himself a horse.
I mean it.
Oh, writing her a letter?
Yeah, I just really don't know
what to say.
That don't surprise me,
you've been gone hours now.
- This is Claire, right?
- Yeah.
I thought she was with that writer,
what's his name?
Yeah, his name is Tony.
She's with him right now.
So, you were setting
to steal his woman?
- No, I
- Sounds like it to me.
No, I just thought we'd have some time
together before I go back to Chicago.
What are you going back
to Chicago for?
Mr Jones is studying
to be an archaeologist.
You're kidding me.
Well, does she love you?
- Yeah, I think so.
- Then take her with you.
No, she wouldn't do that, she's a writer.
Then she don't love you, does she?
- She said she does.
- Talk is cheap in this business, kid.
- Yeah, maybe you're right.
- Of course I'm right.
In a couple of years, you'll be digging up
some Egyptian pharaoh's tomb
and you won't even
be thinking about her.
Yeah, exactly.
It's no life for a woman.
Sharing a bed with a man
and his mummy.
Harry.
I know what you should write.
What?
Tell her she's better off
with the other man.
And no matter how much you love her,
that you've got to let her go.
You gotta do what a man's gotta do.
I guarantee you, if you let her go,
she'll be driving out here
to share your sleeping bag.
Well, I don't think so,
but thanks anyway.
Just phrase it differently.
Or she'll recognise the lines.
She will.
Yeah, I'm telling you.
All right, we're rolling.
Action, Edwin!
I think we're having an earthquake!
Keep going!
Go with the horses!
Jack!
Jones, get in there and put that fire out.
Stay with the horses!
- You all right, Carl?
- Yeah!
All right, keep rolling. Keep rolling.
Hey, kid, that's gas!
I don't think that was water.
Is anybody in there?
All right, keep rolling.
Property! Get some of Kitty's
possessions back in there.
And get Harry's horse up here.
Kitty, get back in there!
Carl, go with Kitty!
Clear the frame
and let's get Harry's horse up here.
Indy! Get Harry's horse.
All right, Kitty, now your house
is burning down. Go with it!
Go with it!
How could they do this to us?
Good, all right, more.
Now say, "My home, my farm!"
My home! My home!
All right, "My farm!" Say, "My farm!"
My home! My farm!
- Getting this, Carl?
- Yes, I am, Jack.
Okay, Kitty, now I'm going to send Harry
in galloping on the horse.
He's going to try and save you from
running back into the burning house,
to save your things,
everything you own is in there.
Harry, ready? Go now!
- No!
- Save her, come on!
Good, now fight him.
Fight him with all your heart.
Give everything you've got!
With all your heart!
All right, that's good.
Give me more! Give me more!
Oh, my God! A snake!
Snake! Snake!
- You got the snake, huh?
- Snake!
- Keep rolling!
- Okay, okay, I'm rolling.
Harry, if you can I want you to go inside,
try and save some of her things.
Flannegan, get up here
with that squeezebox.
Play When Irish Eyes.
Coming right up.
All right, Kitty!
It's dangerous, try and stop him.
No, Harry! Don't!
Great.
Okay, pick it up. Now, really look at it.
Great.
Really look at it.
Okay, Harry, now come in behind her
and touch her very gently.
Oh, great, tilt down, Carl.
Now bend down,
and help her pick up the pieces.
Cut!
That's a wrap.
I've never seen anyone run so fast
as when you saw that snake.
I hate snakes.
What are you afraid of?
It's a long story.
Hey, looks like the supply truck.
It is the supply truck.
- Mail!
- And booze!
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
Kitty, did anything come for me
from the studio?
No.
Yeah.
Maybe you should have done
what Jack said and written a letter.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm sorry
I burned down your house.
Nothing like a series of disasters
to move the story along.
Mr Jones, would you bring my script
over here, please?
Yeah, but it's going to be a very tricky
situation, Jack. I mean
Thanks, son.
Right, what have we got here?
Well, there's still one more scene
to shoot in the house.
What about the scenes before the fire?
The story won't make any sense
without them.
Are you deaf?
Have you heard what I've said?
Jack, we need an house.
- A what?
- The house.
We still have the door frame.
Why don't we just rebuild the house?
Not on this budget, son.
We'll shoot the scene in the door frame.
Camera's ready, Jack.
Well, for Christ's sakes,
where's Edwin?
He was pretty drunk last night.
He's still out for the count, Mr Ford.
Well, drag him down here,
we'll prop him up in the door frame
and shoot over his shoulder.
You don't mind acting with a corpse,
do you, Kitty?
What's new?
Get that hat on.
Carl, you got a frame?
Yes, back up a little more there, Jack.
Okay, you're out of frame.
Drop your arms. Thank you very much.
All right, turn over.
Slate!
Action, Kitty.
You do what I tell you,
you understand, Slim?
You go back to your father
and you tell him I'm not moving.
Make it smaller, Kitty.
You do what I say,
you understand, Slim?
Tell him you're not moving us.
A little bit smaller.
Hold the look.
All right, cut. Print that. Next set-up.
Edwin, Edwin!
Edwin?
He's not drunk, he's dead!
What's that, Wyatt?
Sorry, folks.
Looks like Edwin wasn't
alone last night.
Oh, well, um
Jack?
All right, let's take a break.
Oh, God, now wait a minute.
Edwin was one of us.
I don't know what to say.
Let's just take a moment.
Okay, back to work. Props?
Jack, excuse me.
We've got to stop filming.
We've got to.
How are we going to finish
without a Slim?
What?
Harry returns with Kitty,
it's the first time you've seen him.
Now you're meant to recognise him.
You tell all the others not to trust him.
All right, let's turn over.
Action, Harry!
All right, sort through your
saddlebag, Mr Jones.
Right, right.
No, slower.
All right now, look at them.
Not at me, look at them, Harry and Kitty.
Look at them.
- All right now, saddle your horse.
- Yes, sir.
Cut!
What are you doing, Mr Jones?
Sir, it's the saddle. It's just
Quiet!
Ladies and gentlemen,
anyone who cannot put one foot
in front of the other
without falling flat on his face
has yet to make it out of the nursery.
I've never seen such basic lack of
coordination in one human being.
That's lunch.
- Thank you.
- Good job, kid.
-See? It worked.
“What worked?
Jack bawling you out in front of
the whole company.
Now you got everybody pulling for you.
Before they were just waiting
to see you fall on your face.
Well, I did fall on my face.
I'm from New York.
If I can make a living out of
playing cowboy, so can you.
It all seems really easy until you
actually have to do it.
Hi, Indy, hi, fellas.
- Hi, Kitty.
- Hi.
-So how do you do it?
“What?
Act.
Don't look at the camera or Jack,
and keep your hands
out of your pockets.
Just loosen up.
How?
Look, Jack didn't hire you
just because the hat fit.
He's a better director than that.
You can do this, and he knows you can.
The farm is theirs,
and I intend to see it stays that way.
The farm is theirs,
and I intend to see it stays that way.
You grabbed a branding iron
by the hot end, pal.
Let it go.
There's three steps to hell, Johnny Flint.
According to what I know of your lousy
record, you've taken all three of them.
No, wait!
Go, go, go!
No, no, that's my pa!
- That first one is for lying.
- Oh, he hit me!
Two, that's for stealing.
Three, murder.
Cut. I want to print that.
Cut!
Sorry about that, Indy,
guess I got a little carried away.
Harry, that was perfect.
What do you think, Wyatt?
Right on the money, Jack.
Good job.
Action, Harry!
All right, now!
- Come on.
- It's broken.
Here we go.
I don't know what you guys are
going to do without any stuntmen.
Well, I'm sure Mr Ford will
think of something.
Excuse me, would you mail this for me?
Thank you.
Don't move.
Stretcher!
- Hey, car's coming, Harry.
- Yeah, it's not the mail truck, Wyatt.
Think the studio's coming
to shut you down?
Yeah, we'll find out soon enough.
But, Jack, we're a day behind.
How many pages have
we been doing a day?
Ten.
Let me see your script.
One, two, five, not that one,
seven, eight, nine, ten.
Now we're back on schedule.
Claire!
What have they done to you,
Indiana Jones?
What do you mean?
Oh, this is my costume.
Didn't you get my letter?
That's why I'm here.
- Do you always write letters like this?
- What do you mean?
"No one can stop me loving you, Claire."
"But I'm just not the right man for you."
"You need someone steady,
reliable and smart, like old Tony."
I nearly vomited over my waffles
when I read this.
And who are you to tell me
who's right for me and who isn't?
Well, you look better in that hat, it fits.
You try it.
What do you think?
Every time I see this hat,
it'll remind me of you,
and the desert and the movies.
Come on! Get some muscle into it!
We haven't got all day, come on!
This is great, this is just perfect.
Don't worry, Jack,
we'll get this one up for you.
Don't worry, Jack.
Oh, come on, Jack, there isn't time.
We've got to get this in the can
and we ain't got no more stuntmen.
- Well, I got the kid.
- Come on, you got to be joking, Jack.
I don't have a choice.
Jack!
- Good morning, Mr Jones.
- Morning.
- Well, it's the last day.
- Yeah, the last day.
But we should all be home by sundown,
if everything goes well.
How did you figure that?
Well, let me show you.
You see, it's like this.
Originally, there were five long scenes,
where Slim saved Kitty but
we've had to narrow it down
to one scene,
where he saved her
from a runaway wagon.
That looks pretty dangerous.
Is it going down or up?
Oh, it's going down.
That looks
Don't worry about it, it's going to be fun.
Kitty's going to be
right here alongside you.
Not today, Jack, no stunts for me.
Call me when you want me
for my close-ups.
Well, you know, Kitty's right.
I guess I could just
double her with a dummy.
But you, Mr Jones
Well, you're indispensable.
Without this shot, I haven't got a movie.
How much would you pay a stuntman?
Claire, this is between
me and Mr Jones.
Tell him how much you pay a stuntman
for a job like that, Jack.
$50, $55.
- I'll do it for $60.
- $60?
Done.
Big mistake.
- No, Claire, that's most of my tuition
- Big mistake.
Claire, I can do this.
It's not a big mistake.
Yes, it is. He would have paid you $100.
All right, Mr Jones. This is the shot.
You ride up alongside the wagon,
you jump from your horse to the team.
I'll be filming it from the truck.
Good luck.
Just don't forget,
once you're on the wagon,
pull 'em up as soon as you can.
There's no time to waste.
Those final curves are fatal.
Yes, sir.
All right, let's get this done.
Roll cameras!
Action, wagon!
Action, Jones, action!
That looks good, Indy, keep coming!
All right, go on, Indy!
Go on! Come along this side!
Okay, Indy, jump on the horse!
Jump!
Big mistake this was!
Wake up, wake up.
- Great.
- Nice work, Jones.
Thank you.
I'd say you have a future here,
if you want one, son.
Are you sure you don't
want to stay, Indy?
I think I'll stick to
archaeology, it's safer.
We'll miss you, Indy,
so drop us a line sometime.
- Take care of that leg.
- Take care.
Come back soon
and take care of your foot.
Okay.
- Good luck, kid.
- All right, thanks.