The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air s01e22 Episode Script

Here are my car keys.
Ashley has a birthday party to go to on Saturday afternoon.
And Carlton may use the car to go to glee club practice.
And Master William? He's not allowed to use the car again until August of 1992.
Very well, madam.
Everybody, I'm going.
Excuse me, Mother, but I am very, very offended.
What is it this time, Hilary? I've started recycling.
That's not it.
Instead of making Geoffrey work on the weekend you should leave the running of this household to me.
I am 21 years old.
I'm sorry, baby.
I didn't think you'd want to run the household.
I've got to learn sometime.
After all, in a couple of years, I'm going to have my own family and my own butler.
I hope it's no one I know.
- Ready to go, sweetheart? - All set.
If you had to pick a weekend to go away, you picked a good one.
I'll be at the office working most of the time anyway.
If you have a lot of work to do, why don't you just do it here? That's why.
How y'all doing? I just got my hair cut.
Kind of fly, huh? I don't understand why you get your hair cut like that.
All the brothers in Philly play their hair like this hair on top, none on the sides.
But, I guess y'all got kind of a reverse thing going on here.
- Will, I'm leaving.
- You're leaving? Finally.
I always thought you could do better.
Good luck.
Will, I'm going to Berkeley to give my lecture.
- You are? When you coming back? - Tomorrow night.
While I'm gone I want you to do everything your Uncle Philip says.
Aunt Viv, wait.
Don't leave me here.
Don't leave me here with him! He's going to eat me.
Don't leave me here.
Michelle, we're in luck.
My mom's away for the weekend, our butler's off duty and my dad will be leaving for the office at any minute.
And I just took a multivitamin.
I really like this room, Carlton.
You'll like it more in a minute.
Michelle, I just wanted to say I think you're the most talented member on the swimnastics team.
I can hold my breath for long periods of time.
Good.
We're going under.
Hello.
Rice Krispie Treats? What are you doing? Mom left me in charge, so I have to be responsible for all the children.
We were in the middle of something.
Come on, kids, let's have a little talk.
Carlton, Michelle.
I can remember what it was like to be your age.
Your bodies are going through a lot of changes now and you're probably having a lot of feelings that you've never had before.
But even though there's a lot of pressure from your peers remember, you don't have to pet to be popular.
Let's go to the mall.
And who exactly is going to be at this mall? Hold on, Uncle Phil, I promise I'll take good care of the car.
Give me that.
I'll trade you for the car keys.
Will, I have a lot of work to do, so I'm gonna make this short and sweet.
I don't want you taking our car downtown to some pool hall.
You can't do this to me! Aunt Viv! She's gone.
That's right, Will.
No one can hear you scream.
Come on.
Just 'cause you don't like pool halls doesn't mean I shouldn't go.
You're just trying to make sure I don't have any fun.
Your only source of pleasure is making me unhappy.
That's not true.
I have my wine collection.
Hold up.
You wasn't listening.
Your uncle ain't say you couldn't go to the pool hall.
He said he ain't want you to go to the pool hall.
It's a difference.
What are you, ignorant? Pick up the damn keys.
And next time you come in here, I'm going to use this.
And stay out! - I had your back.
- So what do you want? - To be your friend.
- Dream on.
Then I'll take a table.
You're in luck.
Table seven over here is vacant.
Fred, get up! I can't get no sleep around here today to save my life.
All right, young man.
I only have three rules: No spitting, no fighting, and use coasters.
- All right, who wants some? - I'll play.
Step right up, my man.
You can break.
Want to put a little money on it to make it interesting? No, my man, just playing for fun.
What the hey.
Maybe just $5 a ball.
- Who wants some? - I do.
So you want to play me, my brother? Since you done beat all the suckers at this table maybe you'd like to try your luck over here with the big boys.
Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
My game is all that.
All right then, 20 a ball is what we shoot.
Wait a minute.
What, $20 a ball? You in the big leagues now, boy.
What's wrong? No confidence in your game? - No, that ain't it.
- Then what is it? You look like the king of the hill around here.
You can take him, kid.
Give him some, Will.
I really wouldn't want to do what I know I can do if you know what I mean.
No, I don't know what you mean.
- Why don't you tell me? - I know what he means.
You do? It don't take a genius to understand the boy.
He say in plain English that he didn't want to embarrass your ugly behind up here in front of these girls.
I didn't He also said that if it weren't for the fact that he had won so much from that fool over there, he'd take your money, too.
Thank you very much for clearing that up for us, Fred.
All right then, my brother, rack them.
Well, my brother Iooks like you owe me a nice little piece of change like 500 big ones.
- $500? - And 10% for his manager.
Wait.
Y'all hustled me.
Hustled is such an ugly word.
I prefer to think of it as creative money management.
- Now hand it over.
- All I got is $200.
No, that ain't all you got.
I seem to recall you driving up here in a Benz.
Hold it, wait.
That car ain't even mine.
You are so right, my brother.
It's mine.
Hi, sweetie, where are you going? Kimberly's mom is picking me up.
I'm going to the party.
What kind of party? Sarah's birthday party.
Mom told you about it.
And who's going to be there? - Courtney, Priscilla, Maggie, David, Josh - Wait.
Let's just hold it right there with David and Josh, young lady.
I was not informed that there would be boys at this party.
I really don't like the sound of this.
All my friends are going to be there.
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it, too? - That's my ride.
Bye.
- And no running in the house.
You'll put your eye out.
- Hilary, I'm in big trouble.
I need your help.
- What's wrong? - I just need $300.
- $300? What for? Hey, young blood.
Man! Y'all sure got it going on up in here.
- Will, who is he? - He's from the pool hall.
I just lost a couple games and I need $300.
You blew $300 and you don't even have a sweater to show for it.
Will, I was put in charge of you.
When Mom finds out, she's gonna kill me.
She won't find out if you just get me the money.
Okay, just let me go look.
My man, Fred.
Tell you what have a seat here, I'll see if I can borrow that money from my butler.
That's what I always do.
Cocktails! Who the hell are you? My name is Fred Lomax, Jr.
And I presume you're Will's butler.
So you can fix me a Rob Roy with a Sidecar.
You're one of Will's friends.
- Yeah.
- Get out.
Man, it is hard to find good help these days.
Mr.
Lomax, I'm not the butler but I'd be most happy to show you the door.
That's mighty kind of you, big daddy but I can't go back to that pool hall without that $300.
$300? Uncle Phil.
I see you've met my Earth Science teacher.
That's right.
He was not exactly hospitable so I'm leaving.
But if you ever want to see that car again you better come up with that $300.
You went to the pool hall and lost the car? Uncle Phil, I'm sorry.
I know you told me that I shouldn't go.
They hustled me.
They're holding the car until I pay them their money.
- Uncle Phil, I'm really - Stupid? I know that, Will.
I'll deal with you later.
We got to get that car back.
Uncle Phil, you can't go down there by yourself.
You can't handle those dudes.
They got guys in there that make you look like Webster.
If there are hooligans there, I should accompany you.
In the early '80s, I was sparring butler for Mr.
Chuck Norris.
You sure you know what you're doing? Absolutely.
This is strictly a legal matter between me and the management.
You're back.
You better have that money.
Well! Hello, handsome.
Madam, our car has been illegally impounded in this establishment.
And if it's not returned immediately I will be forced to take serious legal action and have your license revoked.
That's where we got you fooled.
We ain't got no license.
Uncle Phil, I don't think all this legal stuff is going to work.
The only legal phrase these people know is, "Will the defendant please rise.
" Will, who's the guy who beat you? That dude right there.
All right, pal.
I'm here to get the car.
Seems to me there's a small matter of $300, pal.
I'm not giving you one cent.
All right.
You want to wipe out the debt? You can play for it.
$20 a ball.
Uncle Phil, don't fall for it.
That's exactly how they got me.
Will, I'm not an idiot.
I'm not about to bet on some game I've never played in my entire life.
What's the matter, buddy.
Aren't you man enough? What did you say to me? Seems to me that you don't want to play because you can't play.
Can't play? You put the balls into the hole.
How difficult can that be? I've seen it on TV.
That's right.
All you got to do is put the balls in the hole, just like on TV.
I'll tell you what.
I'll let you break.
Geoffrey, get me one of those stick thingies.
At least he's got the terminology down.
Sir, do you think this is wise? Don't be ridiculous, Geoffrey.
It's simple geometry.
That was just a practice shot.
Looks like it's my turn.
Now you owe me $400.
Uncle Phil, can you just pay him and let's go? No, I think I'm getting a lot better, don't you? Much better.
That's not how I see it.
You still stink.
I wouldn't talk.
Wait a minute.
Let's play another game.
I want another chance.
Uncle Phil! I don't know.
My time is very valuable.
I couldn't possibly play another game without upping the ante.
How much? Let's say, a nice, round figure like $100 a ball.
$100 a ball? That's right, Uncle Phil.
Okay.
$100 a ball.
You got yourself a game.
Geoffrey? Break out Lucille.
$600, $700 $800, $900.
And 10% for his manager.
Oh, it's gonna be like that, my brother after you done had me up in your house.
Let this be a lesson to you.
Don't mess with my boy again.
You mess with him, you're messing with me.
Yeah! - Hi, Hilary.
- Mother, you're back.
How was your trip? Fine.
How was your weekend with the kids? - It went great.
- Really? I've got to tell you, even though I wanted to do this deep down I had a lot of anxiety about taking on this kind of responsibility.
Now that I've been through it, I can honestly say I handled it, I prevailed and now I think I'm ready to have children of my own.
That's great, Hilary.
So, where are the kids? What, you mean like now? - Mom! - Mommy! - Thank God you're home! - What's the matter? - Hilary was a tyrant all weekend.
- She was terrible.
Next time you go out of town, I beg of you, please just put food and water in a dish.
Someday you'll have children of your own, and then you'll understand.
- Baby.
- Hi.
- How was your lecture? - They loved it.
How was your weekend? Fine.
I got a lot of work done.
Finished up a little early tonight so Will and I had a chance to spend some time together.
We had fun.
You two got along? It figures you'd choose the weekend I was away.
I'm exhausted and I am going to bed.
- Good night.
- Night, Aunt Viv.
I'll be up in a minute, sweetheart.
How come you didn't tell her what really happened? Because I don't want her to worry about it.
It's between you and me.
Do you think she'll put two and two together when the cops dig my body up.
Don't give me any ideas, Will.
I just have one question.
Why are you so hard-headed? Is that like a rhetorical question? You know, a hard head makes for a soft behind.
What, you're going to spank me? You know the severity of what you did tonight.
We're going to discuss your punishment tomorrow.
- Is that understood? - Yes, sir.
And, Uncle Phil? I just wanted to say thanks for coming to the pool hall and saving my butt tonight.
I ain't seen too many people shoot like that.
Where did you learn? Let's just say, I've spent time in a pool hall or two in my life.
I know what goes on there.
Which is why I don't want you going down there in the first place.
You think I want to spoil your fun? I just want you to come home in one piece.
That's decent.
I also want to thank you for winning my money back.
Your money? I'll play you for it.