A.N.T. Farm (2011) s01e23 Episode Script
PatANT Pending
Ugh, this backpack is so heavy.
My back is killing me! Okay, I think my back is stuck this way.
What do you have in there, a ton of bricks? Yes.
A Ton of Bricks by Kathleen Lombard.
Hey You know what would be awesome? Calculus camp? No.
If books had feet and legs.
Then they could walk to school with you and carry your backpack.
Or how about a backpack that massages your back while you're wearing it? Well, your idea doesn't require breeding a race of walking books that could one day rise up and use the knowledge contained within them to rise against us.
Think about it.
Not that crazy thing you just said.
My idea.
We could make a billion dollars with a massaging backpack! With a billion dollars, we could buy a billion things from the Dollar Store! Or one billion, ten million, one hundred and one thousand and ten things from the 99 Cent Store.
You cannot tell a soul about this.
We don't want anyone else horning in on our idea.
What about Chyna? We should at least include her.
No way.
Every business book I've ever read says you should never do business with friends.
But you're going in on this with me.
Exactly.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! Hey, everyone, I got a new outfit.
Don't miss this photo op! Gibson, why is no one looking at me? Huh! Maybe you're dead.
I see dead people! I'm not dead.
I see living people, too! Wait a second! Is that Paisley around? E's gathering.
She broke her arm last night.
That is just like Paisley to break a limb away from me.
Ntion.
Okay, I designed massaging backpack.
ur I give you The Fletch Pack! Or Olive Pack.
Olive Pack is good.
Let me try it on.
Ooh! Ah! It has Swedish mode, Shiatsu mode, and Apple pie a la mode.
Nice! Hey, what's this do? Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Slap mode! It also has a vibrating massage for an all-over relaxation experience! Ooh! Ah! I like this one.
It feels good! Hey, Lexi, can you move? I want to sign Paisley's cast.
Excuse me.
Chyna's coming! Quick, hide the backpack! I can't get it off! Angus' hoodie! Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
What are you up to? Nothing.
Just hanging out with my bud, Olive.
Ooh! Hi, Chyna.
Olive, are you okay? Yeah.
I'm just a little chilly.
Yeah, why do you think she's wearing this oversized hoodie? I mean, it's not like she's trying to hide something.
You guys have been acting strange since yesterday.
Whispering to each other, giggling, acting all weird when I enter the room.
Wait a second.
I know why you've been acting strange.
You do? You do? You two are secretly dating! Um You caught us! I find this immature, little weirdo totally irresistible.
And Olive's endless babbling about nothing is so adorable.
Interesting factoid.
I love her.
Oh, you guys! Hey, Paisley.
Oh! I'm sure you're bummed about your broken arm.
Hey! You know what always cheers me up? Butter skating! I brought you a pair! But you're gonna have to find your own hair helmet.
Hello, students.
I would wave to you, but I can't because I have two broken arms.
Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina.
But you can sign my casts! Did I mention I have two of them, which is twice as many as Paisley has? Lexi, how did you break your arms? It doesn't matter how.
The important thing is how many.
Two.
Can I sign your cast? I love what you wrote on mine.
"Hope infection sets in.
Love, Lexi.
" Oh, that's just like you.
Full of hope! Hey.
Be careful walking down here, Lexi.
We wouldn't want you to get more hurt.
For some reason the floor's all buttery.
I'll help you with my one good arm, Lexi.
Paisley, are you okay? I think I broke my other arm and one of my legs.
You've got to be kidding me! That's sweet of you to wish it was a joke, but I'm afraid it's true, friend.
It's my fault! I forgot to put out the "Caution, Caution Sign" sign.
What! Lunch just started! How could the fudge pops already be gone? I used them to design our new company's building.
I give you.
Fletch Tower! Or Olive Tower.
Olive Tower's good.
There are my two favorite sweethearts! Actually, the heart is not sweet, but rather quite bitter due to the presence of oxidized blood.
She's all mine.
Oh, you guys are so cute together! Let me get a picture of you guys.
Sure.
I guess.
Okay.
Oh, come on! How about a smooch? I can't do it! I'd rather lose half a billion dollars than kiss Fletcher.
What? What's going on? And half a billion dollars? Okay.
This is not another scheme to take down Vegas, is it? Because they know your faces now.
The truth is we came up with an idea to invent a massaging backpack after watching you struggle with yours.
Well, why would you guys lie to me? Because I knew you'd want to be part of it and business can really hurt a friendship.
Let me illustrate.
Let's say my hand represents business.
And Fletcher represents friendship.
Ow! See? Let me use another example.
Let's say this fork represents business.
She gets it! She gets it! Okay.
I would never let anything hurt our friendship.
I really want to work with you guys.
It'll be so fun.
Well, if you think you can handle it, welcome aboard.
Yes! Yes! And just to be clear, that thing about Olive and me dating was entirely made up.
I'm totally available.
Well, you guys fooled me.
I was completely convinced you were a couple.
Ew! You didn't go spreading that around, did you? Uh No.
No, I did not.
Quimby, I challenge you to a duel! Fletcher, Olive is mine.
All mine! All right, first item on the agenda.
I am pleased to announce that we have chosen our employee of the month.
Hey, guys! Look what I have! Balloons? We're throwing a party to celebrate me getting employee of the month? No.
This is our invention.
Uh, we already have an invention.
The massaging backpack.
Yeah, but why treat the symptoms of a heavy backpack when we can remove the problem entirely by making the backpack weightless? That's a great idea! The helium in the balloons counteract the weight of the backpack.
How did you get employee of the month and not this young go-getter? Look, Chyna, my massaging backpack idea is already perfect.
Balloons are totally impractical.
Look how easy they pop.
Wow.
Someone should invent a fork sharpener.
You know what? Let's vote.
Who would rather do Chyna's terrible idea than my great idea? I vote for my idea.
Me, too.
Fletcher? Sorry, Olive.
Chyna's idea is better.
Besides, you know I love anything that comes with balloons.
Except clowns.
I hate clowns.
When I see a clown with balloons, I feel very conflicted.
Sorry, Olive, but it's two against one.
Well, we'll see about that.
Hey, Angus, I have a proposal for you.
The answer is yes! A thousand times, yes! I didn't mean a marriage proposal.
I meant a business proposal.
Duh.
I knew that.
Do not release the doves.
Thanks so much for carrying my books for me, Paisley.
I'm just so exhausted from having two broken arms and two broken legs.
No problem, Lexi.
So, you were hit by a plane? How did that happen? I was doing some fashion modeling.
They really shouldn't call them both runways.
Hey, guys! I was down in the basement like I am every Wednesday, feeding the rats, and I found this cool armoire.
It's perfect to keep my rat food in! Oh! But boy, is this thing hard to move! Even with the dolly.
What dolly? I don't see a dolly.
It's right under here.
Paisley, are you okay? I'm all right.
I just think I broke everything.
You're so selfish! I've had it! Sorry! This is my fault.
I forgot to put out my "Caution, Falling Armoires" sign.
Olive, you just invited Angus in so he would vote for your ideas.
He agrees with everything you say.
That's not true.
That's not true.
Anyway, I have a new design for the weightless backpack I'd like to show everyone.
Not so fast.
I have my own prototype.
Let's see them both and vote.
Fine.
Then, without further ado, because I think we'll agree we've all had enough ado, I present the Inflate-A-Pack! Okay.
Impressive.
But you know, as much as your design appeals to me, something's telling me not to vote for it.
Do not vote for it.
Okay, my design.
Now, I'm sure you're probably all aware that bats can carry up to three times their body weight.
So, I present to you.
The Bat Sack! Is there a bat in that bag? Of course not! There are two dozen bats in this bag.
Olive, that's a crazy idea! People are going to carry around a bag of bats? What are the bats even going to eat? My neck! Get it off! Get it off! Well, now would be a good time to vote.
Now that we've chosen the backpack design that does not drain a human of precious blood So cold.
I think we should do an infomercial.
How are we supposed to pay for an infomercial? Oh, this backpack is so heavy! When I won America Needs Talent, why did I ask for the $100,000 in nickels? Gibson, how would you like to invest in a product that's guaranteed to make a billion dollars? More money? No! Money is the worst.
It's so heavy! Okay.
Well, then, how would you like to pay for our infomercial and get nothing back in return? That sounds awesome! But I want to star in the infomercial.
It's been a dream of mine ever since you said the word infomercial five seconds ago.
Totally.
No problem.
Okay.
Not so fast.
I don't agree.
Oh, why don't you agree? Why don't you agree? Oh, I do agree.
No, you don't.
This is about us rejecting your Bat Sack.
No, it's not.
You seem upset.
I'm not upset.
You're upset.
Okay.
I am upset.
No, you're not.
Okay, I kind of feel like whatever I say, you're just saying the opposite to disagree with me.
No, I'm not.
Up Happy Down Sad Not.
Not not.
You know what? Forget this.
No, I'm going to remember this.
What? I have an eidetic memory.
I'm going to remember this.
CHYNAre you sick and tired of old-fashioned backpacks that are impossible to figure out? With their dangerous zippers! To say nothing of their back-breaking weight! Well, say goodbye to all that with the new from AntCo! Ack With our patented air pillow technology, a weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
Literally! Thanks, Inflate-A-Pack! Sorry, I can't clap.
All my clapping parts are broken.
You're lucky.
I'm just a disembodied head.
Well, you'll forget all your problems when you put on the Inflate-A-Pack! Of course, it does require having a back.
And shoulders.
Excuse me! I use backpacks all the time when I'm guiding city folk through the wilderness.
Where do I get one? Right here, kind mountain man! And if you order right now, we'll give you a second Inflate-A-Pack absolutely free! I'm a skeptical scientist.
How do I know this isn't some sort of camera trick? Well, I'm glad you asked that, world-renowned scientist.
How would you like to see an impressive live demonstration? You know what's impressive? The medical miracle that is a girl who is only a head.
Imagine that I'm pointing at myself.
As you can see, the Inflate-A-Pack Is new and improved! What are you doing? I made a few modifications to your design.
Unlike the Inflate-A-Pack, the Copter-Pack isn't powered by dangerous, volatile gasses.
We use safe, renewable propeller power to make carrying this 500 pound pack a breeze! Try it on for size! Ah! Ew! It's in my mouth! Gross! Lexi, you're not just a head? I was wondering how you got your makeup on.
Yes, that's what I was wondering.
This thing is amazing.
Does someone else want to try? Whoa! Careful, Gibson! The propeller's going to hit the ceiling! My legs! I think they're broken! Nice try, Lexi.
You're faking.
What are you talking about? You're just crying wolf.
No, I'm not! Wolf! Wolf! Help me! Who knew the bag full of bats was your good idea? Order now and receive a free fork sharpener.
Chyna, I can't tell you how sorry I am.
I let my ego get in the way of everything.
The truth is no idea is more important than our friendship.
And I hope you can find it somewhere deeper in your heart to forgive my unacceptable behavior.
Oh, Olive.
That was beautiful.
Of course I forgive you.
Tired of the awkward apologies you'd rather not make but society says you must? Let the latest and advanced robotic technology do it for you with the Apologiz-o-Tron.
Wow.
This product is going to make us a billion dollars.
So when you apologize in the hallway it wasn't sincere? It was just a pre-programmed machine? I can't believe you, Olive.
I'm so sorry, Chyna.
Please forgive me.
- OK.
- The Apologiz-o-Tron.
Order now!
My back is killing me! Okay, I think my back is stuck this way.
What do you have in there, a ton of bricks? Yes.
A Ton of Bricks by Kathleen Lombard.
Hey You know what would be awesome? Calculus camp? No.
If books had feet and legs.
Then they could walk to school with you and carry your backpack.
Or how about a backpack that massages your back while you're wearing it? Well, your idea doesn't require breeding a race of walking books that could one day rise up and use the knowledge contained within them to rise against us.
Think about it.
Not that crazy thing you just said.
My idea.
We could make a billion dollars with a massaging backpack! With a billion dollars, we could buy a billion things from the Dollar Store! Or one billion, ten million, one hundred and one thousand and ten things from the 99 Cent Store.
You cannot tell a soul about this.
We don't want anyone else horning in on our idea.
What about Chyna? We should at least include her.
No way.
Every business book I've ever read says you should never do business with friends.
But you're going in on this with me.
Exactly.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! Hey, everyone, I got a new outfit.
Don't miss this photo op! Gibson, why is no one looking at me? Huh! Maybe you're dead.
I see dead people! I'm not dead.
I see living people, too! Wait a second! Is that Paisley around? E's gathering.
She broke her arm last night.
That is just like Paisley to break a limb away from me.
Ntion.
Okay, I designed massaging backpack.
ur I give you The Fletch Pack! Or Olive Pack.
Olive Pack is good.
Let me try it on.
Ooh! Ah! It has Swedish mode, Shiatsu mode, and Apple pie a la mode.
Nice! Hey, what's this do? Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Slap mode! It also has a vibrating massage for an all-over relaxation experience! Ooh! Ah! I like this one.
It feels good! Hey, Lexi, can you move? I want to sign Paisley's cast.
Excuse me.
Chyna's coming! Quick, hide the backpack! I can't get it off! Angus' hoodie! Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
What are you up to? Nothing.
Just hanging out with my bud, Olive.
Ooh! Hi, Chyna.
Olive, are you okay? Yeah.
I'm just a little chilly.
Yeah, why do you think she's wearing this oversized hoodie? I mean, it's not like she's trying to hide something.
You guys have been acting strange since yesterday.
Whispering to each other, giggling, acting all weird when I enter the room.
Wait a second.
I know why you've been acting strange.
You do? You do? You two are secretly dating! Um You caught us! I find this immature, little weirdo totally irresistible.
And Olive's endless babbling about nothing is so adorable.
Interesting factoid.
I love her.
Oh, you guys! Hey, Paisley.
Oh! I'm sure you're bummed about your broken arm.
Hey! You know what always cheers me up? Butter skating! I brought you a pair! But you're gonna have to find your own hair helmet.
Hello, students.
I would wave to you, but I can't because I have two broken arms.
Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina.
But you can sign my casts! Did I mention I have two of them, which is twice as many as Paisley has? Lexi, how did you break your arms? It doesn't matter how.
The important thing is how many.
Two.
Can I sign your cast? I love what you wrote on mine.
"Hope infection sets in.
Love, Lexi.
" Oh, that's just like you.
Full of hope! Hey.
Be careful walking down here, Lexi.
We wouldn't want you to get more hurt.
For some reason the floor's all buttery.
I'll help you with my one good arm, Lexi.
Paisley, are you okay? I think I broke my other arm and one of my legs.
You've got to be kidding me! That's sweet of you to wish it was a joke, but I'm afraid it's true, friend.
It's my fault! I forgot to put out the "Caution, Caution Sign" sign.
What! Lunch just started! How could the fudge pops already be gone? I used them to design our new company's building.
I give you.
Fletch Tower! Or Olive Tower.
Olive Tower's good.
There are my two favorite sweethearts! Actually, the heart is not sweet, but rather quite bitter due to the presence of oxidized blood.
She's all mine.
Oh, you guys are so cute together! Let me get a picture of you guys.
Sure.
I guess.
Okay.
Oh, come on! How about a smooch? I can't do it! I'd rather lose half a billion dollars than kiss Fletcher.
What? What's going on? And half a billion dollars? Okay.
This is not another scheme to take down Vegas, is it? Because they know your faces now.
The truth is we came up with an idea to invent a massaging backpack after watching you struggle with yours.
Well, why would you guys lie to me? Because I knew you'd want to be part of it and business can really hurt a friendship.
Let me illustrate.
Let's say my hand represents business.
And Fletcher represents friendship.
Ow! See? Let me use another example.
Let's say this fork represents business.
She gets it! She gets it! Okay.
I would never let anything hurt our friendship.
I really want to work with you guys.
It'll be so fun.
Well, if you think you can handle it, welcome aboard.
Yes! Yes! And just to be clear, that thing about Olive and me dating was entirely made up.
I'm totally available.
Well, you guys fooled me.
I was completely convinced you were a couple.
Ew! You didn't go spreading that around, did you? Uh No.
No, I did not.
Quimby, I challenge you to a duel! Fletcher, Olive is mine.
All mine! All right, first item on the agenda.
I am pleased to announce that we have chosen our employee of the month.
Hey, guys! Look what I have! Balloons? We're throwing a party to celebrate me getting employee of the month? No.
This is our invention.
Uh, we already have an invention.
The massaging backpack.
Yeah, but why treat the symptoms of a heavy backpack when we can remove the problem entirely by making the backpack weightless? That's a great idea! The helium in the balloons counteract the weight of the backpack.
How did you get employee of the month and not this young go-getter? Look, Chyna, my massaging backpack idea is already perfect.
Balloons are totally impractical.
Look how easy they pop.
Wow.
Someone should invent a fork sharpener.
You know what? Let's vote.
Who would rather do Chyna's terrible idea than my great idea? I vote for my idea.
Me, too.
Fletcher? Sorry, Olive.
Chyna's idea is better.
Besides, you know I love anything that comes with balloons.
Except clowns.
I hate clowns.
When I see a clown with balloons, I feel very conflicted.
Sorry, Olive, but it's two against one.
Well, we'll see about that.
Hey, Angus, I have a proposal for you.
The answer is yes! A thousand times, yes! I didn't mean a marriage proposal.
I meant a business proposal.
Duh.
I knew that.
Do not release the doves.
Thanks so much for carrying my books for me, Paisley.
I'm just so exhausted from having two broken arms and two broken legs.
No problem, Lexi.
So, you were hit by a plane? How did that happen? I was doing some fashion modeling.
They really shouldn't call them both runways.
Hey, guys! I was down in the basement like I am every Wednesday, feeding the rats, and I found this cool armoire.
It's perfect to keep my rat food in! Oh! But boy, is this thing hard to move! Even with the dolly.
What dolly? I don't see a dolly.
It's right under here.
Paisley, are you okay? I'm all right.
I just think I broke everything.
You're so selfish! I've had it! Sorry! This is my fault.
I forgot to put out my "Caution, Falling Armoires" sign.
Olive, you just invited Angus in so he would vote for your ideas.
He agrees with everything you say.
That's not true.
That's not true.
Anyway, I have a new design for the weightless backpack I'd like to show everyone.
Not so fast.
I have my own prototype.
Let's see them both and vote.
Fine.
Then, without further ado, because I think we'll agree we've all had enough ado, I present the Inflate-A-Pack! Okay.
Impressive.
But you know, as much as your design appeals to me, something's telling me not to vote for it.
Do not vote for it.
Okay, my design.
Now, I'm sure you're probably all aware that bats can carry up to three times their body weight.
So, I present to you.
The Bat Sack! Is there a bat in that bag? Of course not! There are two dozen bats in this bag.
Olive, that's a crazy idea! People are going to carry around a bag of bats? What are the bats even going to eat? My neck! Get it off! Get it off! Well, now would be a good time to vote.
Now that we've chosen the backpack design that does not drain a human of precious blood So cold.
I think we should do an infomercial.
How are we supposed to pay for an infomercial? Oh, this backpack is so heavy! When I won America Needs Talent, why did I ask for the $100,000 in nickels? Gibson, how would you like to invest in a product that's guaranteed to make a billion dollars? More money? No! Money is the worst.
It's so heavy! Okay.
Well, then, how would you like to pay for our infomercial and get nothing back in return? That sounds awesome! But I want to star in the infomercial.
It's been a dream of mine ever since you said the word infomercial five seconds ago.
Totally.
No problem.
Okay.
Not so fast.
I don't agree.
Oh, why don't you agree? Why don't you agree? Oh, I do agree.
No, you don't.
This is about us rejecting your Bat Sack.
No, it's not.
You seem upset.
I'm not upset.
You're upset.
Okay.
I am upset.
No, you're not.
Okay, I kind of feel like whatever I say, you're just saying the opposite to disagree with me.
No, I'm not.
Up Happy Down Sad Not.
Not not.
You know what? Forget this.
No, I'm going to remember this.
What? I have an eidetic memory.
I'm going to remember this.
CHYNAre you sick and tired of old-fashioned backpacks that are impossible to figure out? With their dangerous zippers! To say nothing of their back-breaking weight! Well, say goodbye to all that with the new from AntCo! Ack With our patented air pillow technology, a weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
Literally! Thanks, Inflate-A-Pack! Sorry, I can't clap.
All my clapping parts are broken.
You're lucky.
I'm just a disembodied head.
Well, you'll forget all your problems when you put on the Inflate-A-Pack! Of course, it does require having a back.
And shoulders.
Excuse me! I use backpacks all the time when I'm guiding city folk through the wilderness.
Where do I get one? Right here, kind mountain man! And if you order right now, we'll give you a second Inflate-A-Pack absolutely free! I'm a skeptical scientist.
How do I know this isn't some sort of camera trick? Well, I'm glad you asked that, world-renowned scientist.
How would you like to see an impressive live demonstration? You know what's impressive? The medical miracle that is a girl who is only a head.
Imagine that I'm pointing at myself.
As you can see, the Inflate-A-Pack Is new and improved! What are you doing? I made a few modifications to your design.
Unlike the Inflate-A-Pack, the Copter-Pack isn't powered by dangerous, volatile gasses.
We use safe, renewable propeller power to make carrying this 500 pound pack a breeze! Try it on for size! Ah! Ew! It's in my mouth! Gross! Lexi, you're not just a head? I was wondering how you got your makeup on.
Yes, that's what I was wondering.
This thing is amazing.
Does someone else want to try? Whoa! Careful, Gibson! The propeller's going to hit the ceiling! My legs! I think they're broken! Nice try, Lexi.
You're faking.
What are you talking about? You're just crying wolf.
No, I'm not! Wolf! Wolf! Help me! Who knew the bag full of bats was your good idea? Order now and receive a free fork sharpener.
Chyna, I can't tell you how sorry I am.
I let my ego get in the way of everything.
The truth is no idea is more important than our friendship.
And I hope you can find it somewhere deeper in your heart to forgive my unacceptable behavior.
Oh, Olive.
That was beautiful.
Of course I forgive you.
Tired of the awkward apologies you'd rather not make but society says you must? Let the latest and advanced robotic technology do it for you with the Apologiz-o-Tron.
Wow.
This product is going to make us a billion dollars.
So when you apologize in the hallway it wasn't sincere? It was just a pre-programmed machine? I can't believe you, Olive.
I'm so sorry, Chyna.
Please forgive me.
- OK.
- The Apologiz-o-Tron.
Order now!