Alfred Hitchcock Presents s01e23 Episode Script

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen especially the ladies.
Now you see what might happen if you fall asleep under the dryer.
Shrunken heads are a hobby of mine.
Collecting them of course, not making them.
Takes too long to make one.
First of all, you must wait until the original owner of the head dies.
I haven't the patience for that.
As you have, no doubt, already guessed tonight's story has nothing whatsoever to do with shrunken heads.
It is called, "Back for Christmas.
" Herbert.
Oh, Herbert.
Yes, my dear? Oh, there you are, working on your wine cellar.
How nice.
Yes, I thought I'd do a bit of the digging.
Nothing much else to do the last day, you know.
You've got everything so well organized.
Thank you, my dear.
But really, don't you think this is more than you ought to do by yourself? I mean, I don't think you'll ever get it finished if all this has to be dug up.
Well, I can do a little at a time.
As a matter of fact, I think I've done about all that's necessary for the moment.
Yes, I think I have.
Then come to lunch now.
We've a nice surprise for you.
You can come back a little later.
Really, I think it's a waste of time.
Five feet four inches.
Allow two inches.
5'6".
Yes, that ought to be about ample.
No use crowding.
There you are.
Your favorite lunch, Herbert.
Shepherd's pie.
It isn't truly my favorite, you know.
Of course it is, Herbert.
You know how often we have it, and you always enjoy it.
Do I? Now, let me see.
All the delivery people have been notified, the telephone company.
I must call up about the electricity.
Did you get my typewriter back? Yes.
It's in the car.
Good.
Because I must send those articles back to the magazine.
You know, my impressions of isolated countries.
Thank you.
Are the curtains down in the bedroom, Elsie? I'll get them right after lunch, ma'am.
Good.
Because the cleaning man will be here this afternoon and he'll keep them until we come back from America.
I'll write you as soon as I know the exact date.
December 15, probably.
Yes, ma'am.
The furniture all covered up? All the upstairs, ma'am.
And I'll do the living room directly the guests leave after tea.
Good.
The Hewitts and Sinclairs are coming over for tea, to say goodbye.
What about the Wallingfords? They'll try, but probably not.
Let me see.
Have you had the gutters cleaned out? Oh, ages ago.
The papers have cancelled, the milkman.
Have we any library books out? You took them back days ago.
Oh, yes.
Haven't you any letters to write or business to attend to? No, I have the whole afternoon free for packing.
You don't have to give that a thought, dear.
All that's attended to.
Everything that you'll need, it's all packed.
I can't have you concerned with trivialities like that.
Your must keep your mind free for more important matters.
Yes.
Very thoughtful of you, dear.
You know, few men have wives like you.
That is nice of you, Herbert.
One likes to have one's little efforts appreciated, doesn't one? There is something.
The man who does the garden will be here this afternoon.
Will you talk to him about the hedge? We don't like the way he's been trimming it lately at all.
Of course, if you have time Yes, of course.
I'll try and fit it in somehow.
Thank you, dear.
Thank you, Major.
Not at all.
Could I hand you something else? A scone? Nothing more, thank you.
This place you're going to is in California, isn't it? Yes.
Los Angeles.
Is that where you were before? Yes.
But only for a few weeks last trip.
What is it like? Large, casual, very disorganized.
But that was because Hermione wasn't with you.
This time everything will be different.
Yes, indeed.
Of course, it will.
Let me give you another cup of tea.
Yes, thank you, do.
Oh, dear, we shall miss you, Hermione.
But you won't be gone long, will you? No, we should be back for Christmas, you may be sure.
Indeed.
Yes, we must have you with us for Christmas in any case.
There's some talk of us staying longer.
Permanently, in fact.
Of course, that's all very tentative.
Don't worry.
We shan't hear of any nonsense such as that, you may be sure.
We'll be back.
Just what is it Herbert is going to do? You know, more or less what he's been doing here, I understand.
I'm not exactly clear about that.
It must be very scientific.
He works for an aircraft firm.
Metallurgy, I believe.
Something to do with metals.
Anyway, Herbert's awfully good at it, I believe.
I'm sure he must be.
You see, with these new jet planes I believe some of the metals get terribly hot, you know.
It's a question of, well, alloys and stress and all of that sort of thing, you know.
Now I understand.
Some of the work he did here attracted their attention, you know.
You're not flying, Herbert, Hermione tells me.
No, I don't like flying at all.
It frightens me.
Fortunately, Hermione doesn't like it, either.
That is fortunate.
Anyhow, we're taking the car.
Yes, of course.
That will be a great convenience, won't it? Are you planning to motor across the continent? Yes.
It's frightfully dull, I understand but one feels one should, you know.
They're going to drive to Southampton this evening dine in Salisbury on the way and in the morning go aboard ship at their leisure.
No trains, no fuss, no rush, no bother.
Doesn't Hermione arrange things beautifully? She's marvelous.
Don't you wish I were like that? No, not really.
Well, my dear, it's time for us to be off and let these people attend to their last minute details.
There is no rush.
All we have to do is get in the car and drive away.
Trust Hermione.
No last minute details with her managing, eh, Herbert? No, indeed.
But we really must get along.
I hope you have a delightful crossing.
We shall.
You will write, of course, when you can? Of course, my dear.
Now you be sure to bring Herbert back for Christmas, won't you, no matter what? Christmas wouldn't be right without you.
I shall.
I shall indeed.
As a matter of fact, I have a little surprise for Herbert which will require our being here.
So you could rely on it.
I shall have him back for Christmas, no matter what happens.
Well, goodbye, Herbert.
Got your coat? Yes, thank you.
Goodbye.
Everything.
It's all very nice.
Goodbye, Herbert.
Goodbye.
Do you want some more tea? No, thank you.
Well, perhaps, yes, just a spot.
Which is your cup? That one.
Elsie, you needn't wait for us to leave.
You can go as soon as you've done that and cleared away the tea things.
We'll close up the house.
Thank you, ma'am.
Here are your wages and a little something extra.
Thank you, ma'am.
I'll write to you as soon as we know the exact date we're coming back.
Yes, ma'am.
Might be longer than you think.
Elsie, do you have enough covers for all the furniture in this room? Yes, ma'am.
Time for you to change.
Yes, I say it is.
I won't worry about the tea.
All right.
Goodbye, Elsie.
No, we won't say goodbye.
Just au revoir.
It won't be long.
Yes, ma'am.
Goodbye.
Goodbye, Elsie.
Have a good holiday.
Goodbye, Mr.
Carpenter.
Yes, have a very good holiday, Elsie.
Now let's- Put on your brown tweeds.
They're laid out on the bed for you.
And be sure and take everything out of the pockets before you pack it.
That's all you have to do.
Yes, I will.
Elsie.
Hermione.
Hermione.
Yes? Where are you? In the cellar.
Will you come down? There's something I'd like to ask you.
There's something I'd like you to help me with first.
Must it be done this minute? One thing at a time.
Everything in order.
First things first.
That's the way you get things done, you know.
Are you coming? All right.
I'll come up.
There's no need to rush.
There's plenty of time for everything.
I always leave an ample margin for unexpected events, you know.
Yes, well, that's good.
Would you get me the little ladder out of the kitchen closet? I want to change this dust cover.
What's the matter with it? It'll cover the sofa so much better than that little one in there.
Will you get me the ladder, please? I suppose so, all right.
A little further forward.
Let me do it.
No.
I've had it done wrong once today already.
It's much simpler to do it myself.
Hold the ladder steady.
There.
Now give me the other one.
But don't let go of the ladder.
Now, you'll have to I'm afraid this is impossible, dear.
My arms aren't sufficiently elastic.
You'll have to stand quite still.
How trying.
Here it is.
Thank you.
Oh, dear.
I'm not very good at this.
No, dear.
Steady.
There.
Now I'm coming down.
Thank you, dear.
Will you take the ladder back, please? Why? Elsie will only have to get it out again when it's time to take this down.
Nobody will be here.
Herbert.
How like a man.
Run along while I cover the sofa.
Now will you come down, dear? Just a moment, dear.
I want to check the windows.
Will you help me, please? But Elsie locked them all.
Yes, but Elsie was supposed to put the dust covers on properly, dear.
The only way to make certain is to do it oneself.
Will you check the dining room? Very well, dear.
Now will you come down, dear? Of course, dear.
You know, I always take an interest in your little enterprises.
What is it about? The wine cellar? Yes, I wanted your opinion on something.
You see, I've been thinking.
Perhaps it might be better to Aren't you coming? Yes, dear.
Now then, what is it? Well, I Do you think this is going to be deep enough? I don't think it makes a particle of difference.
Take a better look, proper look.
No, not from there.
Herbert.
No, from here.
See? Really, Herbert.
Do you think I should lower the floor another six inches or do you think that's enough? I don't know, Herbert.
I don't know anything about She turned it off.
She turned it off at the main.
Herbert? Hermione? Wherever can they be? The car's there.
Maybe they've popped round to Mrs.
Liddell's.
We must see them.
Or to the shops, maybe.
Something at the last minute.
No, not Hermione.
I say, listen.
Isn't that someone taking a bath? Shall we shout? How about banging on the door? Don't.
It might not be tactful.
There's no harm in a shout.
No, dear.
Let's come by on our way back.
Hermione said they wouldn't be leaving before 7:00.
They're dining on the road, you know.
Is that so? All right.
I do want to have that last drink with old Herbert.
He might be hurt.
Let's hurry.
We can be back by 6:30.
All right.
There! The next time, I'll let the first shade of doubt creep in.
Just a minute.
Good morning.
Good morning, Mr.
Carpenter.
Thought I'd just drop over from the plant to see if there was anything we could do for you.
I see you're getting unpacked, I expect you'll be settled soon.
Settled now, in fact.
I was just having some breakfast.
Can I get you something? No.
Thanks.
Well, this is a pleasant place.
Yes, isn't it? You always have beer for breakfast? No, only recently.
I like it very, much, though.
It's just the thing.
Are you sure you won't have something? No, thanks, just the same.
I'll have to get on back.
You had some mail.
It came this morning.
I brought it along.
There are some for Mrs.
Carpenter, too.
Is she going to join you? No.
My wife and I separated recently.
It was rather sudden.
I suppose actually it's been coming on for quite a long time and some of our friends haven't heard about it yet.
I really must write to them and let them know.
Well, I'll be getting along.
By the way, have you made up your mind to stay over here with us? Well, I can tell you this, I've been giving it some very favorable thought.
I must say I like it here.
Good.
I'll see you Monday morning, then? Your office is all ready for you.
Yes, indeed.
That'll be fine.
I'll see you out.
Don't bother.
It's no bother at all.
It's very decent of you to stop by.
Not at all.
If there's anything we can do, be sure and let us know.
Thanks awfully, but I think I have everything under control.
Good.
See you Monday, then.
Right, Goodbye.
Mrs.
Carpenter.
Mrs.
Carpenter.
Freda Wallingford.
Just a moment.
It's the maid.
Oh, good.
I'll answer that in a day or so.
Good morning, Mr.
Carpenter.
Good morning.
Well, I see you've certainly been unpacking.
Don't worry, though I'll get everything all straightened up before you know it.
No, please don't move anything.
It's all just exactly the way I want it.
You might do the vacuuming and wash the dishes, that will be fine.
Don't you even want me to move this bath towel? Oh, yes, the towel.
This looks like a bill.
Well, that's simple.
"Holt and Son, Builders, Decorators.
"Madam, receipt Your kind acceptance "Estimate below Working almost immediately "as per your request, so as to have it finished for Christmas.
" Back for Christmas.
She said I'd be back for Christmas.
That concludes our sideshow.
We shall be back next week to "Made in Texas "by Texans "with New Yorkers.
" I think I'd better be trotting off.
I've just decided to have my ears Sanforized.
Good night.