Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e23 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # Bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! (buzzing) (snoring) Uh, yoo-hoo.
Professor Moliarty, we're in the lab.
No thanks to you clumsy oafs.
Ooh, what I wouldn't give for a decent lackey.
Aha.
Ah There it is, boys - canardium - the one radioactive isotope powerful enough to fuel my latest ingenious device.
Yeah, but why do we gotta wear these sweaty suits? This radiation is ever so powerful, you nitwit.
It could kill you till you're dead or worse.
Now come on! Soon the surface dwellers will fear the might of Professor Moliarty, and the world will be my oyster.
Oysters are out of season, Moliarty.
Yeah, so maybe you'd just better clam up.
Ooh, it's that interfering duck.
Get him! - Aah! - Oh, blast.
That infernal duck always has to spoil my fun.
Oh, drat.
Gee.
Look how big I got.
Oh, mother! The fan club's gonna love this.
Oh, ho-ho-ho.
Radiation, spider.
Mutant.
Big, big, big, big.
(sobs) Sure, sure.
Hey, what's all the screaming about? Aah! Relax, LP.
After all, it's only a radioactive mutant spider.
OK, Bugly, en garde.
En what? Moo-ya shmoi-mima datwing mooy mooy mooy mooy! Be careful.
You might hurt somebody.
Hi-yah! Hi-yeh! Hi-yuh! Hi-ouch! Are you OK, DW? Sure.
It's just a little spider bite.
(gibberish) Gee, I'm real sorry, mister.
I thought you were gonna hurt me.
How about we shake hands and play nice, OK? I'm through playing, you aggravating arachnid! Hey, what are? That is disgusting! (gibberish) This stuff is as strong as steel! Gaah! Hmm webbing strong as steel, eh? (gibberish) Perhaps I can use this spider.
But can I take advantage of someone so childlike, so innocent, so perfect? My boy, how would you like a job? Hmm, do I get a cookie? I think we can all get our cookies on this one.
It's just a little bite.
We didn't have to come back here.
Better safe than sorry.
If you can't build a rocket launcher, do you know anything about thermal explosives? Oh, hi, Dad.
What did you try to fix this time? I was I was bit by a giant mutant spider.
Wowee, cool.
Yeah, but I hate it when the bad guy gets away.
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
I hate it! But, Dad, you I know what you're thinking.
How could anyone escape from the dynamically dexterous Darkwing Duck? Well, on the one hand, Professor Moliarty got ahold of some very dangerous stuff - canardium.
And on the other hand, that malevolent mole filled in his tunnel behind him.
And on the other hand, we don't know where wha-wha-wha Other hand? Ahem.
(screaming) Let me get this straight.
You got bit by a radioactive spider as big as me, and you didn't even stop to put disinfectant on it? No fair.
You'd have me in the emergency ward faster than you can say rabies! Look, I'm the dad.
I get to do the lectures.
DW, before Honker finds a cure, could you give me a hand or maybe two or three? Ha-ha-ha-ha.
(chokes) I can't control this one.
Will you stop it? Not you, these.
Uh, Mr.
Mallard, I think I found something.
What? What? What?! Well, I, um That is, um, it's Honker, I'm getting old! (gasps) You need the venom from another spider to make the antidote.
Great.
Grab a spider and get to work.
We can't grab any old spider.
It's got to be the exact same kind as the one that bit you.
So? How hard can that be? Whoa! Hey! Will you let me go? (stammers) - (beeping) - Uh-oh.
Trouble at the mall.
It looks like my trusty sidekick will have to go with you two to identify the spider while I - wait a minute - hasten to the mall.
Are you crazy? We've gotta get you back to normal first.
Sorry, but crime waits for no duck, Gosalyn! (strains) Let go! Uh-oh.
Uh, Professor? Professor? Are you sure taking all these fan blades is a nice thing to do? I mean, it don't seem so nice to me.
Well, of course it's nice, my dear.
Now hurry up.
All this niceness is driving me crazy.
If I didn't need this pacifist pest's superstrong webbing for my plan, well, I wouldn't Huh? When we finish, can we have some chocolate cake, huh? Can we, please? Uh, yeah.
Us, too, boss? Huh? Can we, please? Now listen here, you fuzzy Aw, come on, Professor.
Let 'em eat cake.
Fan blades, eh? Well, it'll be chilly enough where you're going - the cooler! (all gasp) Whoops.
I'll never get used to this surface world light.
For a second, it looked like he had six arms.
(choking) He does have six arms.
So I've got a few extra arms.
Sue me.
What's the big deal? This is just another one of his lame-duck tricks.
Now get him.
Hi-yaha! Prepare to be pummeled.
Hey! - Adios, Darkwing Dodo.
- Stop already.
Up against a mole with an attitude and a spider with an appetite, Darkwing Duck, that multitalented, and now multiarmed, master of mystery searches for a hole in the armor of his enemy's elusive enterprise.
And he finds it! The hole, that is.
Onward and downward.
Oopsie.
(thud) Aha.
Darkwing Dweeb.
My, my, aren't we the lucky ducky.
Enough, you felonious fiend.
(gibberish) Oh, come on, guys.
I thought we were going to cooperate.
Here, let me untangle you.
You're not gonna hurt him, are ya? Of course I'm going to not hurt him.
Ha-ha-ha.
Now why don't you run along, dear, while I show our little feathered friend the way out.
Yaah! Gaah, gaah, gaah.
Uh, I like dark as well as the next duck, but this is going too far.
Yike.
That ought to teach Darkwing Duck to mess with Professor Moliarty.
That'll do it.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Am I right, or what? OK, let me out.
That does it.
No arms of mine are gonna make a monkey out of Darkwing Duck.
Very funny.
I sure hope that pet-store guy was right about there being lots of spiders in here.
Ha-ha, m-me too.
Aah! L-l-look! A giant spider.
I promise I'll never step on a spider again ever, honest.
(Gosalyn) Ugh, a spider.
Squish it.
Hey, it looks like the little spider that bit DW.
Exactly like it.
(all) Get him! The malignant mark of the miscreant mole menace lies across the city like a shadow.
And only one superhero has what it takes to stop him.
Only one crime-fighter is handy enough.
(chuckles) Who is this champion of justice? No, not Darkwing Duck.
He's ArachnoDuck.
You heard right.
ArachnoDuck.
Number Five - helmet.
Number Six - gear shift.
Number Six.
Yes, Number Six.
It appears that we are closing in on that radioactive rabble-rouser.
Gaah! Aah! Hmm, a giant web.
This could be a clue.
Aha! A plethora of planes with their propellers purloined.
First, canardium, then fan blades, and now propellers.
Yes, Number Six? Uh-oh.
What are you? (stammers) Number Six, let go of the What? Ew Now what, webbing? Just what I need.
Aah! This is (crash) Aha! I don't need this to take care of the likes of you.
I am ArachnoDuck! (coughs) Rats.
(stammers and strains) I'm sure there's a fascinating explanation for all of this, but we've got a plane to catch.
In fact, we've got several planes to catch.
I can't stand it.
Oh, at last, my wind-o-matic is complete.
The canardium generator will power the blades and propellers, creating a wind so powerful, it will wipe every surface dweller off the face of the earth! Hee-hee-hee.
Only those who live underground will survive.
Hiya, Professor.
Want to teach me how to fly a kite? Leave me alone, you brainless, infantile little Gaa Oh, look.
Have a lolly.
We'll play later.
But I wanna play now.
That's right, it's me - ArachnoDuck, ready to make your skin crawl.
Ooh, curses.
OK, bub, eat web.
OK, fine.
I see, out of webbing.
A minor setback.
If it's webbing you want, maybe we can help you.
(gibberish) Oh, this is disgusting.
Congratulations, Ducky Wucky.
You're about to be the very first surface dweller obliterated by my diabolical invention.
Behold, Moliarty's amazing wind-o-matic! (gasps) Nice special effects, Moliarty, but you'll never get away with it.
Whatever "it" is.
Sorry, Arachno Yuck.
I've already gotten away with it.
Adieu.
Yaah! Now hold tight.
But isn't this dangerous? But, Webbypoo, you're the one who wanted to fly a kite.
According to this homing thingy, the ratcatcher's real close.
- Gosalyn.
- Dad! Well, seems to be getting a tad gusty up here.
(all screaming) (chuckles) Hey, Ducky, looks like the cavalry's here.
Hey, DW, nice outfit.
Don't worry.
We found the spider.
- Oopsie.
- Grab it! (all screaming) Hey! Wave bye-bye to your cheering section, Ducky.
I hope you've got plenty of flight insurance.
Oh, I'm so good.
I do believe I'm going to enjoy this.
Hey, wait.
You might hurt him.
Wrong, you big pest.
I will hurt him.
Arrivederci.
Ducky! (screams) Ooh.
Ha, saved in the nick of time.
(stammers) Let me go.
That's not gonna help, Number Six.
It's out of gas.
Number Six! Smooth move, Number Six.
Yaah! (thud) All right, Moliarty, consider yourself thwarted.
Ha-ha, way to go, DW.
Ya saved the world again.
(chuckles) But not all of it.
In fact, he just signed the city's death warrant.
Ooh, I love it.
What are you talking about, you lunatic? The real cutoff lever is inside the generator.
All you've done is disconnect the output lines, which, I might add, is causing everything to overload, and that means, any second now, kablooey! Not if ArachnoDuck can help it.
Hyah! Sorry, but you can't go in there, Mr.
Duck.
What, are you crazy? We'll all be killed! Good going, my boy.
You nincompoop.
You can't go in there 'cause there's dangerous radio actors in there.
Radio actors? Um, I think he means radioactivity.
Since I helped the professor cause all this trouble, I'm the one who's gotta stop it.
After all, it's the nice thing to do.
Bye.
(all gasp) (all sigh) You did it.
(hiccups) (hiccupping) I guess the little guy's back to being an even littler guy.
Ooh.
This is what I get for trusting a spider.
Ohh.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.
Ah, too bad your dad wouldn't let ya keep it, Gos.
Yeah.
I could've really scared the pants off old Mrs.
Wiseman.
Oh, well, I guess we better give Dad the antidote.
Uh, can't we wait one more day? I mean, those arms turned out to be pretty, uh, ahem, handy.
Ooh, a fine pastime for a crime-fighter.
Hmm, exploited by my own family.
Number Six # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck