Ducktales (1987) s01e23 Episode Script

Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Racecars, lasers, aeroplanes It's a duck-blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history DuckTales, ooh-ooh Every day they're out there making DuckTales Ooh-ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good-luck tales D-D-D-danger Watch behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab onto some DuckTales Ooh-ooh Every day they're out there making DuckTales Ooh-ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good-luck tales Ooh-ooh Not ponytails or cottontails no, DuckTales Ooh-ooh Mommy! Daddy! It's him! It's him! - Him, sir? - Filler Brushbill, the super-duper door-to-door salesman.
I'll handle this, Duckworth.
Go away! We don't want any! Scrooge McDuck, have I got a fabulous deal for you.
Fabulous! Fabulous! Uncle Scrooge, it's Filler Brushbill! I know, Louie, and he's not sticking one foot inside this door.
Last time we let him in, he sold us all this useless junk.
What a salesman! Oh, Mr.
McDuck? Ooh, this calls for my state-of-the-art super-duper salesman repellent system.
Oh, tsk tsk, you should have bought your salesman repellent system from me, Mr.
McDuck.
I'd have given you a fabulous deal.
Fabulous! A once-in-a-lifetime deal on a red velvet butler suit.
This is you, Mr.
Duckworth.
This is really you.
Oh, please do something, sir.
Red isn't really my color, but velvet? Ooh! Phase one will discourage him.
All right, phase two ought to leave an impression on him.
Ow! Ow! Ow! What's going on, Louie? It's Filler Brushbill.
But Uncle Scrooge isn't gonna let him in.
Good.
I already owe him my allowance for the next six months.
Don't worry, Huey.
Phase three is going to phase him.
You call this a slide-away sidewalk? Oh, tsk tsk tsk.
I'm afraid you paid good money for bad merchandise, Mr.
McDuck.
Of course, I only sell top-of-the-line products, like this fabulous baseball bat used by Babe Duck himself.
Wow! Babe Duck's baseball bat! Let him in, Uncle Scrooge! - No, no, Huey, don't! - Don't do that! Bright lad.
You knew a bargain.
Yes, sirree.
See? I told you, you should have bought your salesman repellent system from me.
- Mine's guaranteed.
- Guaranteed? But far be it from me to force you to buy anything you don't want.
Still, it would be a shame to let all these fabulous money-saving bargains go to waste.
B-B-B-bargains? With the herd of Indian elephants, gold-plated ski equipment, and the glow-in-the-dark tie, your bill comes to a grand total of $444,444.
04.
However, for an extra $4, I'll throw in a pair of glow-in-the-dark socks.
- No.
- They match your tie.
- No! - They really pick up he color of your eyes.
No! You'll be able to find lost coins in the dark without a flashlight.
Oh Fabulous! I'll bill you at the end of the month as usual.
Why did we buy all this junk, Duckworth? I haven't the foggiest, sir.
These books aren't junk, Uncle Scrooge! The complete works of William Drakespeare, the greatest writer ever! True.
They were a bargain.
Original editions once owned by Drakespeare himself.
Ah, Romeo and Julieweb, Drakespeare's most famous play.
Eh? What is that? It's an old note, Uncle Scrooge.
"Dearest Mum, my first play is at last finished.
"But 'tis such a dismal effort, "I'm hiding the only copy here in the castle "in a secret place known only to the two of us.
"If you wish to read it, Mother, just shake my hand.
Your loving son, Willy D.
" Willy D.
? William Drakespeare? Aye.
And if there is a lost play by William Drakespeare, I want it! - Hurry, Duckworth, hurry! - The pedal is to the metal, sir.
But, Uncle Scrooge, Drakespeare said that lost play wasn't very good.
Who cares? It's still worth millions just because he wrote it! Fabulous.
I'll bill you at the end of the month, as usual.
Hey, there's Filler Brushbill! Hey, Filler, guess what! Those books are Quiet, Louie! I don't want anyone else to know about that lost play, especially Filler Brushbill.
Ah, "Dearest Mom" "Just shake my hand.
Your loving son, Willy D.
" Willy D.
? William Drakespeare! - Goodbye! Bye, Duckworth! Bye! - We'll be back in a week.
What are your orders, sir? Ah, Captain, set your course for the island of Great Written.
Uh, Great Written? You aren't serious, are you, Mr.
McDuck? If I were joking, you'd be laughing, wouldn't you? Well, it's just that, well, Great Written is haunted, sir.
Haunted? Ghosts and witches and all sorts of horrible things have been seen there! I've never heard such poppycock! Take us t Great Written, Captain, or I'll make the cook the new captain and the captain the new cook.
As you wish, sir.
Pull, boys, pull! We'll never get past the breakwater! Can you see anything, Louie? - Does fog count? - No! But those rocks do.
Hang on! Stay together, boys! Uncle Scrooge! Louie! Louie! Ahh Filler Brushbill! What are you doing here? Well, I couldn't let my best customer drown, now, could I? The truth, Brushbill! - Where's Louie? - Didn't see him.
We'd better split up and search the shore in both directions.
The customer is always right.
Huey, you go with Mr.
Brushbill.
Dewey, come with me.
If anything's happened to the lad, I'll never forgive myself.
Louie! Louie! Bubble, bubble, you're in trouble! Leave this island on the double! Bubble, bubble, you're in trouble! Leave this island on the double! Oh, come warm yourself at our cooking fire.
As soon as you're nice and toasty, we'll throw you back in the sea! For none shall land upon this shore to sneak or peak or to explore.
Be ye tourist or traveler or sailor lost into the sea thee must be tossed! Hello, ladies! Ladies? I have some fabulous deals for you.
Fabulous! What could an outsider such as you have to offer three witches? Fabulous bargains on brooms.
New ones with the latest nylon bristles and used ones with low, low mileage on them.
I have cauldrons in small, medium, large, and a new monster size.
For when you're having friends over for those really big spells.
I have wooden spoons, wart remover, black boots, and of course, what witch could sleep at night without a big black cat yelling in her ear? Oh, isn't it darling? Thank you, ladies! Thank you, Mr.
Brushbill! I'll bill you at the end of the month.
What a salesman! Louie! Louie! Where are you? Friends and countrymen, lend me your ears.
And while you're at it, lend me a hand.
And we shall cast these outsiders back to the sea! Into the sea? Yes.
For none shall land upon this shore to sneak or peak or to explore, be ye tourist or traveler or sailor lost Now just a blasted moment - into the sea ye must be tossed! - Uncle Scrooge! I don't know how to repay you for saving our lives, Brushbill.
Ah, I'll just put it on your bill.
Or you could give me a share of the profits from Drakespeare's lost play.
Drakespeare's note! Give me that, you crook! I am not a crook, Mr.
McDuck.
My reputation for square deals is as spotless as yours.
Uh, that's true.
Very well.
How much? - 50 percent.
- 50 percent? Uh Well, as the note says, that lost play isn't a very good play.
Who cares? It's worth millions just because Drakespeare wrote it! That's just what Uncle Scrooge said.
Oops.
Well, for saving the boys, I'd say Fabulous! We'll start for Drakespeare's castle first thing in the morning.
Welcome, outsiders.
I am Pluck, and this is A Midsummer Duck's Dream.
Of course! All the ghosts and witches we've seen are characters from Drakespeare's plays! Look, all we want to know is the way to Drakespeare's castle.
As you like it! Follow the gloomiest, doomiest lane, until Dumbird Woods comes to Ducksinane.
Surely there must be another path we could Where'd he go? I don't know, but good riddance.
Well, we might as well get started.
Lead on, McDuck.
What fools ye mortals be.
Look, Uncle Scrooge! That's got to be Dumbird Woods.
And it's coming right at us! Ooh They're over here, too! Ooh Trees that move and talk! The woods are crawling with them! None may land upon this shore to sneak or peak or to explore.
Be ye tourist or traveler or sailor lost, into the sea thee must be tossed! Ah, excuse me.
Yeah, would anyone be interested in a fabulous deal on a chainsaw? Well, those trees didn't think your deal was so fabulous, Brushbill.
But you can put McDuck Lumber Company down for two dozen of those wee buzz saws.
At my standard discount, of course.
Drakespeare's castle is deserted.
Let's split up.
The searching will go more quickly.
Just a moment, Brushbill.
If you find that lost play, how do I know you won't just run off with it? Why, Mr.
McDuck, you are forgetting my reputation for honesty.
I know, I know, but one of the boys will go with you to help you carry your valise.
I'll do it, Uncle Scrooge! Fabulous, Louie.
I just might be a door-to-door salesman myself someday.
Why, it's a great theater! This must be where Drakespeare put on all his plays! Aye, but the strange thing is it's clean.
No dust.
No cobwebs, like the rest of the castle.
It's as if this theater was still in use.
Look, Uncle Scrooge! Why, it's a statue of William Drakespeare.
The bird himself.
Gee, it looks like he wants to shake hands with us.
Hm.
Remember what Drakespeare's note to his mother said? "If you wish to read it, just shake my hand.
" To buy, or not to buy.
That is the question.
Stop fooling around! I think I figured out the mystery.
All we need to do is shake Drakespeare's hand.
But to do it, we'll have to find a way to hang from the ceiling.
If I didn't see it, I wouldn't believe it.
Well, well, Mr.
Drakespeare.
Fabulous to meet you.
Fabulous! Ahh! A secret door! Uh, uh, floor.
It's Drakespeare's lost play! You found it, true, but we found you.
If that is a lost play by the great Drakespeare, it belongs to us! Finders, keepers! Who are you weirdos, anyway? We are actors! Descendants of Drakespeare's original acting troupe.
Drakespeare's last request was that none shall land upon I know, I know, but this changes everything.
We'll all share in the profits.
It'll put Great Written Island back on the map.
Profits are welcome, true, but the play's the thing.
Uh, pray tell, good sir, what is this lost work entitled? It's called Uh MacDuck! I think it was a grand idea to have them perform MacDuck.
It might be about my early ancestors in Scotland.
What a feather in the family cap that would be.
Wonder what happened to Filler.
Hush! They're about to start.
This is the tale of Old MacDuck, who cheated and lied and ran amok.
Wh wh what? Alas, MacDuck, I knew him well.
If he had a heart, I couldn't tell.
Out, out, dumb Scot.
There's something rotten, and you're the rot! What do I care what people say? Lying and cheating makes my day.
- It's a comedy! - It's a tragedy! And that's the tale of Old MacDuck, who cheated and lied and ran amuck.
Good sir, I fear this play would do great harm to Drakespeare's reputation.
His reputation? What about my reputation? My name just happens to be McDuck.
Here, here, put it back in that secret panel.
I assure you, sir, none shall find it again.
I certainly hope not.
- It's Filler Brushbill! - Brushbill, what are you doing? This play is worth millions! I can't pass up a deal like that.
After him, boys! We'll go this way! Filler! Come back! Come back! There he is! Over there! - He's going to jump! - Filler, don't do it! It's too dangerous! - Stand back! - No! You'll never make it! It's worth the risk to sell this play! It'll be my biggest sale ever! But if you sell a terrible play, people will say you cheated them! If people don't trust you, you'll never sell anything again! Ah, you're right, Louie.
Quick profit can tempt even an honest man.
I know exactly how you feel, Brushbill.
Here you go, lad.
Think of it.
Drakespeare's plays - all except MacDuck, of course - performed on his own island by descendants of his original acting troupe.
I'll arrange everything - advertising, transportation.
We'll make a fortune! - What do you say? - 'Tis a deal, good sir.
And I know just the man to sell the tickets.
You know, that was some sales job you gave me, kid.
Gee, do you think I have what it takes to be a super salesman? If you don't, I can sell it to you.
All the world's a stage, and the people merely players.