Gintama (2005) s01e23 Episode Script

When You're In a Fix, Keep On Laughing, Laughing...

The wife's name is Sachan.
The husband's name is Gin-san.
Come again? They were two ordinary people, who fell in love like ordinary people and married, just like ordinary people.
Stop making up your own recollection of the past episode! In the first place, you're not appearing in this episode.
But one thing was different: the wife was a masochist.
Hey, are you listening? Is that your punchline?! [Tatsuma Sakamoto travels around space as the leader of the Kaientai traders.
.]
[He was a old friend who fought in the Anti-foreigner War alongside Gintoki, Katsura and Takasugi.
.]
[Oedo Store Summer Big Sale Drawing.]
Whoa! There it is! Congratulations! You've won first prize! Enjoy the ultimate vacation of dreams and romance in the vast expanse of distant space.
A vacation adventure with everything.
You'll see the vastness of space as you've never seen it before.
[You, too, can experience the space travel of your dreams.
.]
You know, Gin-san Another page in the history of the Milky Way.
I'd like to travel around space like that, just once.
We have many travel plans available.
Shake hands with me somewhere in space! What're you talking about? There's no air in space, you know.
If there's no air you'll, you know, die.
Oh, welcome back, Kagura-chan.
Hey, what're you doing?! Becoming a rebel without a cause? Who's control did you break free from? Kneel before me.
You're so full of yourselves, you penniless samurai! Call me "Madame foreman"! Wouldn't "Queen" be better? Madame foreman is more productive than Queen, so she's higher! Call me a slender Madame foreman! Madame foreman, did you buy toilet paper? I forgot the paper to wipe your butt with, but I got a much better piece of paper.
[Patrol Bus Leisure Trip Through Space.]
A paper that'll let us fly in the sky.
A trip for three though space?! M-Madame foreman! Banzai! Banzai! Banzai! Banzai! Banzai! ["When You're in a Fix, Keep on Laughing, Laughing".]
Come on, I'm not carrying anything metal.
Is it responding to my iron will? There have been a rash of crimes perpetrated by the Anti-Foreigner faction, so please go through again.
Ah, I know what it is! I forgot about the two golden balls between my legs.
Sir, if you don't shut the hell up, I'll punch you.
I wish I could've brought my sister along.
The Earth from space must be so beautiful.
Kagura-cha Ma'am, bringing pets aboard is prohibited.
It's not a pet.
It's a doll.
Dolls don't pant.
No.
It's not a doll.
It's a humidifier.
Your humidifier smells like rotten meat! Okay, it's a pet.
Sadaharu won't cause anyone trouble, and he doesn't bite.
I guarantee it.
He's doing it now! He's doing it right next to you! Sir, are you all right? What? I was having such a nice nap.
Is it already time for my flight? My head is throbbing.
Guess I drank too much yesterday.
No, it's not because you drank too much, it's because something's about to swallow you.
I'm covered with sweat.
Huh? It's bright red Oh yeah, I drank tomato juice.
Hey! There's a limit to positive thinking! I feel heavy.
This is definitely a hangover.
Hey, are you listening to what I'm saying? Sadaharu! What's up with that guy? Beef or fish? Beef and fish.
What? Beef and fish! So, Kagura I heard Sadaharu got kidnapped by some strange-looking dude? That's right.
I don't think I'll be able to enjoy the trip anymore.
One more beef and fish.
That's why I told you to leave him with the old lady.
I'll have strawberry milk.
Our trip is ruined from the start.
What's ruined is your character.
But I just couldn't leave Sadaharu behind alone.
Don't you care about Sadaharu, too, Gin-chan? Don't start bawling again.
It takes all the fun out of it.
I wanna go home.
Passengers, please look out the window on your left.
What you see is the most beautiful planet in the Solar System, our mother planet, Earth.
Wow! It's pretty! Yeah.
What do you mean, "Wow"! You're having a good time, aren't you? Small troubles don't seem to matter anymore.
Yeah, It really cleanses your soul.
You don't want it cleansed! The stains on your soul are the good parts you want to keep! Good grief Don't move.
Hijackers! We're being hijacked! Shut up! Nobody move!! As of this moment, our revolutionary forces [Moe Fighting Spirit.]
"Moe Fighting Spirit," has taken over this ship! We will demand a ransom for your release from the Bakufu government!! How dare you indulge yourselves on a leisurely trip through space.
The very least you can do is give up your money and contribute to our action fund! Anyone who refuses to give up their money or are too poor, will be put to death, no questions asked.
We do this in the name of the Earth! We've got trouble.
Gin-san Gin-san.
When I die, I think I'd like a space burial.
It would be like becoming a star myself.
Yep, sure would.
Hey! You both are about to really become stars! You there.
What're you doing? Were you listening to what we said? Damn you! You're ten years too young to hijack me! Don't move! Amazing! Bravo, Last Samurai! Huh? That was a really stupid move! Die! I feel awful.
I forgot to take something for this hangover.
Huh? Did something happen? Sadaharu! You bastard! What? Give Sadaharu back! Sadaharu, I'm so glad you're back! There, there You must've been so scared! Th-This guy is Gin-san, do you know this guy? An explosion! The explosion came from the cockpit! The pilot and crew are injured! It's all over for you guys.
All traitors who welcomed the Amanto deserve to die.
Passengers! Is there anyone among you who can pilot a spaceship?! I don't care who, just save us! It's hopeless! Ouch! Oww! What're you doing?! Who are you?! Where're you taking me? As I remember, you love ships, right? You can pilot one, right? How do you know that? Huh? I've seen you before Ohh! You're Kintoki! What're you doing here? Long time no see, Kintoki! What a strange place to meet.
Sake! Someone bring us some sake! It's Gintoki! Gintoki!! [Note: Kintama is slang for testicles.
.]
If I were Kintoki, then the title wouldn't be allowed on TV! This the end I'm the captain And I'm going down with my ship.
I'll miss Earth, and everything Huh? Did I step on something? Hey, hurry up! Those guys are crazy to set a bomb on a ship.
Gin-san, it's not looking good.
Everyone's chanting Buddhist mantras.
No need to worry.
Leave this in his hands.
His head's empty, but he loves ships more than anyone.
He's traveled all across the Milky Way.
To Tatsuma Sakamoto, flying a ship is like moving his own arms and legs.
Okay, all set.
Let's do it! You're right.
His head is empty.
Hey! Want me to whack you again? This is the first time I've had to pilot a ship this big.
I have no idea where to start Where's the ship's wheel? Gin-chan, is this it? That's certainly not it! Let go of the pilot's head! Sorry, mister pilot.
Hey, this isn't good.
We're about to crash into a planet! Gin-san, here it is! Huh? It won't budge.
Well done, son.
Leave the rest to me.
Don't come near me! Weren't you supposed to love ships? You're totally seasick! I love ships, but riding in them makes me puke.
What a complicated love-hate relationship! Shinpachi, never mind, let me do it! I wrote an essay in school about how my dream is to become a pilot.
You stay out of this.
Forget it.
I'll do it.
This is just like driving a mo-ped, right? No! There's no way I'd leave my life in your hands, even if I had nine lives.
Hey, hey Amateurs shouldn't be touching the controls.
I can see how this is gonna turn out.
The three of you fighting over the wheel is gonna make it break off.
I've got to prevent that! So this is how it turns out! It's not funny! I've made up my mind! I'm going into space.
If I stay on Earth, crawling around and fighting the Amanto, I know how the future's going to turn out.
Even as we speak, the Amanto keep coming and coming.
We can't fight the tide of change.
Fighting this war is only sending our comrades to their deaths.
I don't want to see any more of our comrades die.
From now on, we've got to look at things from a different perspective.
A perspective so high, we can see humans, Amanto, and the whole world at once.
That's why I'm going into space.
I'll sail huge ships through outer spaceand fish for stars.
How 'bout it, Gintoki? You're much too good to stay cooped up on this tiny planet.
Come with me Hey, heaven, send a meteor crashing down on this guy's head.
I better watch out.
It's so hot, images of the past flashed by like a revolving lantern.
At least we managed to survive.
Survive? How is this "surviving"? We crash-landed on a planet whose entire surface looks like an old lady's wrinkled butt.
And It's all because you broke the wheel back there.
Hey, I've already forgotten the past.
Men need only look forward Don't play dumb, you hairball! Oh come on, it's hot, stop shouting.
Kagura-chan, are you all right? The sun is really strong here.
I'm okay.
I have my umbrella, so I'm fine.
But my throat is dry, I think I'll go drink some water at that river there.
River? No, wait! Don't cross over to the other side! Daddy, give me a break.
I don't care about boxing anymore.
I just want a drink of water.
Who's your daddy?! Gin-san, she's not well! Kagura-chan's about to cross the River Styx! Joe, let me off the hook.
I'm just an udon guy.
Guess I have no choice Pull yourself together, Kagura.
All right, Daddy.
I'll box to the finish.
This isn't good.
Her eyes are glassy.
I'll let her drink at that river over there.
You see it, too?! What're you saying? You guys can't see it? There's even a flower garden.
Oh, it's Oryo-chan.
Marry me.
Are all of you hopeless?! What's that? It's a ship! They've come to rescue us! We're saved! Thanks, Mutsu! You came all this way to get me.
And it'll be the last time I do.
Our ships are for merchant business.
We can't have you, our leader, always getting into trouble.
And, this better be the last time you go wandering off without telling us.
Forgive me.
I love Earth women best, after all.
I hope your balls rot off and you die.
I'm no match for a Hachikin like you, Mutsu.
Sakamoto-san, what are these? Well They're the "Kaientai" fleet I put together.
But they're not for battles.
This fleet is my company.
Company? That's right.
We use these ships to engage in big business.
We travel to numerous planets, buying and selling merchandise.
In other words, we're traders.
But recently, space has gotten dangerous, so as a self-protective measure, we've armed ourselves with these.
Sakamoto-san, so you're not such a loser after all.
"Loser"? Can l go cry now? It's not military might and ideology that motivates peopleit's profit! Our business profits both humans and Amanto.
It helps ease tensions between the two.
I'm trying to protect our country with my own methods.
That's impressive.
Our boss is always so wrapped up in himself.
He's harder to pin down than me.
But a man who attracts people to him possesses something special.
You too, were drawn to something he has inside.
Isn't that right? I'm not sure what it is about him But Huh? What? What the? I don't believe it.
I think the heat has finally gotten to me.
I'm seeing strange things.
Sakamoto-san! Never mind.
Never mind.
It's just a hallucination.
Uhbut, uh It's okay.
Let it be.
It's a hallucination.
Sakamoto-san! What is that?! A monster! What in heaven's name is that? That's a Sand Bug.
It's at the top of the food chain in this planet's ecosystem.
It's usually docile.
It must have woken up from all that commotion we made.
What? Now just a minute! How can you be so calm when your boss is in mortal danger? This is what he gets for always going off and doing things on his own.
Sand Bug! Give that mop-head a good beat down! Pay special attention to his jewels! What? What have you got against him? I'm not going to die here! Everybody get away! H-Here it comes! It's trying to drag the whole ship down into the sand! What?! The cannons! Send it a greeting with the cannons! If we do that, Sakamoto-san, you'll be killed, too! Don't worry about me! B-But Sakamoto-san! Ready cannons! Ready cannons! Ready cannons! Do you want to kill Sakamoto-san? He's your boss! Never lose sight of your duty.
We can't endanger the passengers just to save him.
Right now, my duty is to save the lives of the passengers.
He always said, "Never lose sight of your duty.
" He's a man who left the Anti-Foreigner war and his comrades behind and headed into space.
Do you know why he was able to do that? Duty.
He always looked to the futurebeyond the battle in front of him.
And he made the tough decision to labor for the good of his country.
We gathered together, drawn by his vision.
That's why, even now, I cannot flout his principles.
Cannons are ready! Fire! Plus, he's not the kind of guy who'd die from of something like this.
No, no, no! I'm telling you, he's going to die.
No matter how you think about it, he's going to die! The Sand Bug is escaping under the sand! No! Sakamoto-san is going to be! Kill it before it burrows under! Save Sakamoto-san! It's burrowing because you scared it with all that shooting.
Before you "Do Your Duty" Remember your manners Gin-san! Look who's talking! Tatsuma! You spun a good story about saving the planet, but is this where it ends? Were you just all talk? Look at me.
I'm living my life on my own terms! I see I thought if you were with me, star fishing would be fun Sorry about that.
I may not show it all the time, but I like Earth.
Go off to space or anywhere you want and stir things up.
Fishing for small fries doesn't suit you.
Get a humongous net, cast it into space and snag a whole planet.
What're you going to do now? Me? Well, let's see I'll take it easy and cast my net right here.
Maybe I'll catch a shooting star or something Then release it into the sky.
Yeah, that's what he said Who knows what goes on in that guy's head.
But it's because you stayed that I was able to journey into space.
You stayed on Earth, so I could move forward without looking back.
Thank you Gintoki If you fish me upevery time I fall to the ground I'll keep on flying into the stars! It's Sakamoto-san! Sakamoto-san is alive! That was reckless.
He was almost swallowed up himself.
What was that man thinking? You said it.
What were those two thinking? What were they thinking? They weren't thinking at all.
But is there something that only they can see? [Preview.]
Good evening, I'm Pako.
I'm working at a place called the Girly Boy Club.
Please come in, everyone.
Why am I doing this?! Zura, you too?! The next episode: "Cute Faces Are Always Hiding Something.
" [One of the four Royals of Kabukicho, the Demoness Mademoiselle Saigo.
.]
[Girly Boy Club is now open for business! Our new girls are Pako and Zurako.
.]
[Kintama.]
It's listed!
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