iCarly s01e23 Episode Script

In five, four, three, two.
Hey, it's me.
Carly.
On the other hand, I am Sam.
And this is iCarly.
Voted the number one web show in the world.
By who? -Me.
-Then it's official.
Morgan.
Oh, hey daddy.
What are you doing? Watching "iCarly" online.
Sweetie, I told you, If daddy doesn't come up with some TV shows that people your age like, daddy's gonna get fired have no more money, and then you'll starve.
So, while I go see my boss, I want you to watch this new show we're making.
It's really funny.
Okay.
But, Michelle, Why would you accept two dates to the prom but not tell either boy about the other? Because, dad, Luke is so sweet, But Brandon is so hot.
Ah, noodles.
Lame.
And now, we're gonna see what happens when you take an ordinary watermelon-- --and pump it full of pressurized air.
Yeah, pump up the fruit.
C'mon! it's gonna blow! c'mon! See, she's right there.
Morgan, what are you doing? Watching "iCarly.
" Morgan.
What is "iCarly?" It's a web show.
I thought I told you to watch our new show.
It's lame, daddy.
It's lame, daddy.
Now, we'll see that melon explode one more time.
Slow motion explosion.
Now let's see what happened when we pump air into Freddie's pants.
Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
Yeah, pump up the pants.
These are brand new pants.
Seriously guys.
Come on, Sam.
Not my pants.
It'll be fun.
Will one of you help me pull this nozzle out? If you wanna create something good, then why don't you make a show like that one on the internet? You know, the one that's making your daughter laugh.
That is an excellent idea, No, no.
That's too much air.
My pants can't take it.
Carly, Sam.
In five, four, three, two-- I know, you see Somehow the world will change for me.
And be so wonderful Live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there And feel so wonderful It's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel So wake up the members of my nation It's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one And the time to see the brighter side of every situation Some things are meant to be So give your best and leave the rest to me Leave it all to me Leave it all to me Just leave it all to me iCarly S01E23 iCarly Saves TV And so, the hierarchy of the identification system goes kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus-- Hi.
Yes, can I help you? I've come for Carly Shay And her friends, Sam and Freddie.
You can't just barge into my classroom and demand to take children away without proper-- I run a television network.
Oh, help yourself.
Hello.
I'm the head of development for TVs.
We wanna turn "iCarly" into a hit TV show.
Will you come with me? Okay.
But I should probably call my brother, Spencer.
He's the adult that's responsible-- Hey.
They picked me up on the way here.
In a limo.
It's full of fancy sodas and fruits I never even heard of.
This is a guava.
Guava.
Guava.
Well, come on.
This limo is huge.
I know.
This thing will be perfect for the world's fattest priest.
Why are you obsessed with that guy? Hoops, my finger in your nose.
Aww, gross.
Sam.
Quit it.
Emm.
Who wants a bite of my guava.
-Keep it.
-No, thank you.
Nope.
Okay, everyone, Now, please sit.
Take a seat.
Excuse me, I'm Freddie's mother.
Yes, please come in, Mrs.
Benson.
Oh, I will.
Now, you kids like riding in that limousine? Oh, yeah.
Well, if you'll agree to do "iCarly" as a regular show here at TVs, you guys can use that limo whenever you want.
What country is this soda from? I don't know.
Well, it's sweet like berries.
Thank you.
What about stuff like cameras, lighting, audio? Oh, we take care of all those things.
We're even gonna recreate your little "iCarly" studio right here at TVs.
But then, how does Freddie fit into the TV show? He's going to be "iCarly's" new supervising producer.
Supervising producer.
Is that dangerous? Does it involve anything sharp or pointy? Mom.
What about snacks? Don't TV shows always have a big snack table somewhere? Yes, of course.
And would there be ribs? Do you like ribs? Very much, yes.
Then, we'll have ribs.
I think this can be good for us.
Carly, are you in? A TV show, limos, ribs? I'm not stupid.
Yeah, I'm in.
Whoa.
Oh, my god.
They recreated our whole set.
Hey, hey.
Welcome to television.
Awesome.
Hey.
This set looks awesome.
-It's so cool.
-Yeah.
Hey, who are they? That's your new "iCarly" band.
We get our own band? Seriously? Remember how cool Rebecca Plauge thought she was when she got that $ 400 quarter purse We got our own band.
Is that Plat.
Hey, Harper, come over here.
What's up, brad? I want you to meet the "iCarly" team.
Oh, yeah, I've seen your show online.
-Yeah? -Really? Yeah.
I love the one when Sam Tied up Freddie and then shaved off his eyebrow.
Thanks.
I was just improvising.
She has anger issues.
Yes, good times.
All right.
Enough chit and chat You guys ready for your first rehearsal? Yeah.
Let's rock it, brad.
Let's do it.
Okay.
Okay.
Rehearsing in five, four-- Freddie, Freddie, that's the director's job.
Oh, right.
Sorry, everybody.
Sorry, band.
Director.
Here we go.
In five, four, three, two-- I'm Carly.
I'm Sam.
And here's our impression of an obnoxious teenage girl arguing with her mean mother.
Go.
Mom, buy me a car.
No.
Mom.
No.
Mom.
No.
Mom.
No.
Mom.
No.
Mom.
No.
Mom.
No.
Thank you.
Thanks so much.
And now, say hey to "iCarly's" music dude.
Harper.
Thanks, Carly, Sam.
Actually, I wrote a little song about you, guys.
It goes-- Carly, oh, Sam yeah Hey, cool song.
What do you call it? I call it "Carly, Sam, yeah.
" Punch it.
Going' great, huh? Yeah.
But I think the show looks a little too bright.
Can we bring down the lighting just a bit? Look, it's really not your job to handle the lighting, okay? But you said I was gonna be a producer.
Yeah, but you gotta work your way up to producing stuff like lights.
Okay.
So, what can I produce right now? Why don't you go produce me a toasted bagel with cream cheese? Coming.
Hey, Mrs.
Benson, What's up? By force of habit, I made some after-school snacks For Freddie, But since he's at rehearsal, I thought maybe you'd like to share them with me.
I really-- Share them with me.
All right.
These are cucumber cups filled with low-fat yogurt and chopped celery.
I really don't think I've ever-- Interesting flavor.
Thank you.
You know, it is so lonely in the afternoons without Freddie.
Yeah, it's pretty quiet around here without Carly too.
Been doing laundry to help me keep my mind-- I can help with your laundry.
Oh, thanks, but seriously, you don't have to-- Where's your name? Huh? In your underpant.
You don't have your name sewn into your underpants.
No.
no, I'm a grown man.
A grown man who's going to lose his underpants.
Well, I've-- I'll go get my sewing machine, you finish the cucumber cups.
Cucumber's really aren't my-- and you're gone.
Yes.
Nice and stinky.
Now, before we go-- We just wanna remind you-- That's what the earth Looks like from outer space.
And this is what earth Looks like dressed up as a little girl.
Okay.
Thanks for watching "iCarly.
" Harper, jam us out.
Punch it.
And great rehearsal, everyone.
We'll take a five.
Hey, nice stuff.
You guys are hilarious.
Insane.
Incredible.
I loved it.
But, Harper, can I talk to the girls alone? Can I drive Your new Porsche around the parking lot? How old are you? Fourteen.
Drive slow.
Yeah, right.
Hey, where is Freddie? He's cleaning out my fish tank.
So, listen, I thought rehearsal went great, Like, perfect.
Cool.
Sweet.
But I'd like to make some changes.
Why change anything? You just said It was perfect.
Well, it was.
But we don't feel Harper Should talk so much.
Why not? He's really cool and funny.
I know, but we just did some testing and our research shows that kids love dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs? What are you talking about? I'm talking about Zeebo.
Zeebo? I'm Carly.
And I'm Sam.
And I'm Zeebo.
I've been told not to speak.
Okay.
Welcome to "iCarly.
" Now, today, we're gonna-- I'm Zeebo.
You wanna quit doing that? Nope.
Ka-boom.
Hey, could we lower the microphone a little bit? A little lower.
Little low--yeah.
Oh, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't.
ow, ow.
Hurting Zeebo.
Hurting Zeebo.
Yeah, kids love dinosaurs.
Breaking the face.
Breaking the face.
Breaking the face of Zeebo.
Ow, ooh, ooh.
Hurting Zeebo.
Hurting Zeebo.
I can't believe this is so going on.
Help Zeebo! Help Zeebo! Cut.
Cut it.
Cut.
Come on, Sam.
I think you made your point.
I don't have to take this, you know? I did four episodes of "full house.
" Ethan.
Come on, guy, don't do this.
Oh, personally, I love Zeebo.
But I guess we'll just have to do the show without him.
Oh, darn.
Don't worry.
Anyone can play Zeebo.
Ah, hey, Harper, come here.
What's up? Put this on.
No, it smells like the dude's hair.
Harper.
There.
You look great.
I don't wanna play Zeebo.
We have a contract And you play whatever I tell you to play.
Let go of my snout.
How's he gonna play keyboard if he's wearing that dumb Zeebo costume? Oh, don't worry about that.
We're getting rid of the band completely.
-What? -Why? So we'll have time for more Zeebo.
Why are you so stupid? Ooh, I'm late for a thing with a guy.
He's ruining "iCarly.
" Zeebo.
How long before that nub dresses me up like a dinosaur and starts calling me Carbo? Hello.
What's that? Bag of ice.
For what? Brad told me there's some guy who works here who got all sweaty, And I'm supposed to cool him down.
Over here.
Ah, yeah.
That's the stuff.
Rub it around.
Oh, okay.
You like Italian food? Careful, Spencer.
I'm fine.
Just hand me the screwdriver.
Okay.
But caution.
The tip is pointy.
I've used a screwdriver Lots of times.
I really don't think-- Ow, oh, oh.
I warned you.
Come down.
Let me see it.
It's fine.
Oh, my god, it's bleeding.
Oh, we got a bleeder.
My hand is bleeding.
I'll go get my first aid kit.
Wait.
I don't think I should be left alone.
There's a hole in my hand.
Mrs.
Benson? Mrs.
Benson? Mrs.
Benson? Everything's fine.
I've got my first aid kit.
Wow.
That's large.
Thank you.
Hold out your hand.
Is it gonna sting? Cause I don't want it to Ah.
That's nice.
Bandage.
And you know what's gonna make you feel even better? A visit from dr.
lollipop? A visit from dr.
sugar-free lollipop.
Hey.
Lick slower.
Sorry.
I hate this TV network, But I love their ribs.
The sauce is so thick and rich.
Look at this.
That's good barbecue sauce.
You understand that it's wrong.
Yes.
Hey, guys, good news.
The network execs watched the tape of yesterday's rehearsal And they loved it.
They are cuckoo for "iCarly.
" But you just wanna change-- One thing.
Shocker.
This involves you, Sam.
If you try to put that dinosaur head on me, I swear-- No.
Nothing like that.
You're fired.
What? You can't fire Sam.
Whoa, wait, whoa.
If you fire me, Do I still get paid for the whole week? Yes.
Later.
Sam, don't go.
I can't do "iCarly" Without Sam.
She's my co-host.
Sorry.
But our executives found her pushy and aggressive.
She is pushy and aggressive.
That's her thing.
And not to be rude, But you are kind of stupid.
Carly, relax.
You won't have to do the show alone.
We got you a new co-host.
Who? Amber Tate.
The movie star? Yup.
She's right over there getting her makeup done.
Wow.
Can I meet her? No.
But you can meet her dog.
Her dog? Yeah.
I need you to give it a bath.
Be careful.
He vomits a lot.
Have fun.
Okay.
Look, brad.
Nothing against you or Amber Tate Her vomiting dog, But this isn't turning out like I thought it would.
I like doing my show With Freddie behind the camera And Sam standing next to me.
So, I think I'll just go home And keep making "iCarly" the way we like it.
Yeah, sorry, you can't do that.
What do you mean she can't do that? We own the title "iCarly" now.
And we own you.
Oh, come on, get psyched.
It's gonna be great.
Just read the new script.
Wait, wait.
Sam and I write our own scripts.
Not anymore.
We hired professional Comedy writers.
Hey, you know where the ribs are? We heard there were ribs.
Are there ribs? Harper put your head on.
Thank you.
"iCarly" rehearsal in five, four, three, two-- Hello, people who own televisions.
My name is-- I'm Amber Tate.
--Carly.
And I'm Zeebo.
And this is "iCarly," Kind of.
Now, to kick off the show, How about a little song from our friend, Zeebo? h-u-g-g-I-n-g A hug for you is a hug for me Stop the music.
Stop the--hold the track, man.
Now, what's wrong, guy? The show is jank.
Jank? It means bad, lame, suckish.
Catching on, brad? Jank.
And I crashed your Porsche.
My Porsche.
oh, Zeebo.
Do not call me Zeebo.
Freddie.
The dog puked on me Four times.
Give me him.
Did he make him tummy upset What did you do to him? Ow.
Don't thump him.
I'll thump who I wanna thump.
Don't even talk to me.
Too late.
I'm already talking to you.
And since I am, What is with you Chick celebrities carrying around your prissy little dogs? I've had chicken wings with more meat on them than that thing.
Well, when you're ready to apologize to me And bitty boo, we'll be in my dressing room.
Hey, kid, go unclog the toilet in my office.
No.
I toasted your bagel, cleaned your fish tank, got yacked on by Amber Tate's rat dog, And I even rubbed ice all over a sweaty guy's stomach, but I will not plunge your toilet.
Come on.
you're my supervising producer.
Well, I ain't supervising what you produced in there.
I'm sorry, Carly.
I quit.
Well, now, we've lost Sam, Freddie, and Harper.
Oh, everything's Gonna be fine.
Fine? this isn't even "iCarly" anymore.
Oh, come on, how can you say-- you know, you're right.
This isn't "iCarly" anymore.
So, this is what TVs Did with "iCarly"? Uh-huh.
They turned it into a sitcom.
And they're not even calling it "iCarly" anymore.
Lucky for us.
So, you get the name back? Yeah.
We did.
Let's watch.
Okay.
But, Michelle, why would you accept two dates To the prom without telling either boy about the other? 'cause, dad, Luke is so sweet, But Brandon is so hot.
What? Oh, noodles.
Lame.
In five, four, three, two-- Howdy, y'all.
I'm Carly.
I'm Sam.
And this is "iCarly.
" Back on the internet.
Where nobody can tell us what to do.
Yeah, baby.
And now, Carly will spell the word "punctuality--" While Sam screams like a girl in a horror movie about to be eaten by a monster.
P-u-n-c-t-u-a-l-i-t-y.
Nice job, Carls.
Thank you, Sam.
And now on "iCarly"-- Some live music from a new friend of ours who's amazingly talented.
So, let's get them out here.
Harper.
This one's for the real "iCarly.
" Leon ThomasIII- It all started out so innocently You were just another pretty face that I love to see But somewhere down the line I got this feeling Deep inside that won't stop talking to me yeah, it won't stop talking' to me But lately I started to dream about you and me And how it would be to hold you close to me Like it's supposed to be But then I get this ringing in my ear And it brings me right back to reality Oh, reality, yeah, yeah Would you bat your eyes and smile And kiss me like it was a style And tell me you feel the same, yeah Would you be surprised and get Uncomfortable and lie to spare my heart such a pain What should I do I've fallen in love with you Lately I've started to dream, About you and me And how it would be to hold you close to me Like its supposed to be But then I get this ringing in my ear And it brings me right back to reality Whoa-oh! Real-ity Help me! I think I'm falling, in love with you Help me! I think I'm falling Yeah, in love with you Yeah, yeah, yeah, eh eh In love with, you! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah In love, with youyeah eh eh.