Rhoda (1974) s01e23 Episode Script

- MY NAME IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX, NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER LIKING THAT LIKED ME BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD, AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- COME ON, BOARDWALK.
MY LUCK'S GONNA CHANGE.
YOU WATCH.
GIVE ME A 7! - 4.
- HI, BABE.
- OH, JOE, HI.
- HI, BREN.
- HI.
- OH, BOY, YOU GOT ME WHA I WANTED FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
THE WORLD'S GREATES SHOWER NOZZLE.
- YOU TOTALLY RUINED THE WHOLE SURPRISE, YOU KNOW THAT? WE HAD SUCH A CUTE WAY OF GIVING THIS TO YOU.
WE HAD IT ALL PLANNED.
- OH, YEAH? TELL ME.
- TELL HER.
- WELL, IT WASN'T THAT CUTE.
- TELL HER.
- HE'S ONLY SAYING THA BECAUSE IT WAS HIS IDEA.
IT'S PLENTY CUTE.
HE WAS GONNA SNEAK DOWN TO YOUR APARTMENT WHEN YOU WEREN'T HOME AND INSTALL THIS.
THEN I WAS GONNA SAY, BRENDA, WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE A SHOWER? WELL, MAYBE I WASN'T ALL THAT CUTE.
- HEY, BREN, HOW 'BOUT COMING OVER MONDAY NIGHT AND WE'LL CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY, HUH? - OH, JOE, SHE'S PROBABLY GOT PLANS OF HER OWN FOR THAT NIGHT.
BY THE WAY, THIS IS TERRIFIC.
I WANT TO SHOW YOU THE SETTINGS.
THEY HAVE, SEE, COURSE, FINE, NEEDLE, AND ABUSE.
- SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY, BREN, MONDAY NIGHT, HUH? - JOE, LISTEN, I DON'T WANT HER TO FEEL SHE HAS TO COME HERE FOR HER BIRTHDAY, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, IF THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE YOU'D RATHER DO, GO AHEAD.
- WELL, ACTUALLY, THERE WAS A LITTLE SOMETHING I WAS GOING TO DO.
- OH.
- BUT LET ME SEE IF I CAN GET OUT OF IT.
CAN I USE YOUR PHONE? - BRENDA, IT'S FOOLISH TO TRY AND GET OUT OF IT.
I MEAN, WE SEE SO MUCH OF EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME.
IF YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, GO AHEAD AND DO IT AS PLANNED.
- IT'S BRENDA'S BIRTHDAY.
LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS.
- JOE, DO YOU MIND? I JUST WANTED TO TELL HER THAT SHE-- - HELLO, MAY I PLEASE SPEAK TO CHET DEVEROE? - BRENDA, YOU GONNA CALL OFF AN EVENING YOU PLANNED TO BE WITH US? GO OUT.
DO WHAT YOU PLANNED.
- SHH.
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE EVER SHUSHED ME BEFORE.
SINCE WHEN HAS SHUSHING ENTERED THIS RELATIONSHIP? - OH, SURE, I'LL HOLD.
YEAH, WELL, WHAT'S HE DOING? WELL, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR HIM TO HOT COMB HIS HAIR? - JOE, NOW LISTEN TO ME, I THINK BRENDA, IT WOULD BE BETTER IF SHE SEES AN OLD FRIEND AND ISN'T SO DEPENDEN ON US ALL THE TIME.
- YEAH, WELL, MAYBE BRENDA WOULD RATHER BE WITH US.
HUH? - OH, JOE, I'M TALKING LOW IN HOPES THAT YOU ALSO TALK LOW.
- LISTEN, CHET, SOMETHING CAME UP AND I DON'T THINK I'LL BE ABLE TO GO TO THE PARTY WITH YOU ON MONDAY.
- BRENDA, HOLD ON.
I CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.
IT IS SILLY FOR YOU NOT TO GO TO A PARTY.
- RHODA, YOU ARE BEING SILLY.
BRENDA, IF YOU WANT TO COME HERE, COME HERE.
WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU.
THAT'S ALL.
- I SAID I CAN'T GO TO THE PARTY ON MONDAY.
MAYBE YOU COULD STOP HOT COMBING YOUR HAIR FOR A SECOND.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE AT THE CRUCIAL POINT? OH, COVERING THE SPOTS.
I LIKE THE SPOT.
YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOOD.
SO, LISTEN, UM, CAN I HAVE A RAIN CHECK? NO? [CLICK.]
- WHY DID YOU DO THAT, BREN? - WELL, I HAD A CHOICE ON MY BIRTHDAY TO EITHER HAVE FUN WITH PEOPLE I'M COMFORTABLE WITH OR HAVE CHET TAKE ME TO A SQUARE DANCE PARTY AT HIS LAW FIRM.
THE 84-YEAR-OLD SENIOR PARTNER IS CALLING THE DO SE DOS.
- BRENDA, DON' WORRY ABOUT A THING.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU MADE THE RIGHT DECISION, REALLY.
- SURE, WHERE WOULD I HAVE A BETTER TIME THAN WITH MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD AND FLESH AND BLOOD-IN-LAW? - LISTEN, WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU A GREAT MEAL.
- TERRIFIC, HEY, COOK SOMETHING FATTENING 'CAUSE THERE'S ONLY TWO TIMES I LET MYSELF GO.
ON MY BIRTHDAY AND SATURDAYS.
- YOU KNOW, SOMETHING CRAZY JUST WENT THROUGH MY HEAD, LIKE MAYBE YOU WERE MAD AT ME.
- I'M NOT MAD.
I'M NOT.
I'M NOT MAD.
- I THOUGHT IT WAS CRAZY.
- SURE, WALK AWAY.
OK, OK, IF YOU'RE SO ANXIOUS TO FIGHT.
COME ON, BUT LET'S AT LEAST DO IT RIGHT.
- DO IT RIGHT? - YES, THE RIGHT WAY, JOE.
I'M TELLING YA.
YEAH.
I'VE BEEN READING A LOT OF BOOKS, YOU KNOW, ON MODERN MARRIAGE AND THERE A LOT OF VERY WISE PEOPLE OUT THERE WRITING BOOKS TELLING OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO FIGHT.
- OK, RHODA, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO HELP ME OUT, BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO FIGHT IS TO KEEP YELLING UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS YOU YOU WIN.
- UH, HERE'S HOW IT GOES.
SO NEITHER PERSON MISSES WHAT THE OTHER SAYS, ONLY ONE PERSON TALKS A A TIME AND THE ONE WHO IS TALKING HAS THE FLOOR.
THE OTHER CANNOT INTERRUPT.
THAT IS A CIVILIZED WAY TO FIGHT.
- OK, RHODA, GO AHEAD.
- YOU'RE A JERK.
NOW, IT IS YOUR TURN.
- WHAT? - NOW, IT'S MY TURN.
II'M WORRIED.
I'M WORRIED ABOUT BRENDA.
YEAH, SHE'S SO DEPENDEN ON US, JOE, THAT SHE'S NO BUILDING A LIFE FOR HERSELF.
I DON'T WANT HER TO WAKE UP ONE DAY AND REALIZE THA THE BIGGEST ACHIEVEMEN SHE MADE WAS TO SELL 300 MASTER CHARGES.
- OK, IT'S MY TURN, IT'S MY TURN.
NOW, I THINK YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE, RHODA, BECAUSE IT'S JUST ONE DAY.
IT IS NOT HER LIFE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONE DAY? SHE'S HERE ALL THE TIME.
I KNOW.
IT'S YOUR TURN.
I SPOKE, I INTERRUPTED.
I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO CONTINUE.
I--I WANTED BRENDA TO HAVE HER BIRTHDAY THE WAY SHE PLANNED IT AND YOU SHUSHED ME.
YOU DID, YOU BRUSHED ME OFF, JOE.
- NOW, IS IT MY TURN? - YES! - LET'S DROP IT.
- AH, YOU'RE DOING IT, RIGHT? WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
I'M GOING DOWN TO MY SISTER'S RIGHT NOW AND I'M GONNA TELL HER SHE HAS TO BE MORE INDEPENDENT.
- SWELL.
- I AM, I'M GOING TO DO THAT.
- SO, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? MY BLESSING? - HA HA HA HA.
GIVE ME YOUR BLESSING.
NO, HUH? ALL RIGHT.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- COME ON IN, RHO.
- BRENDA, YOU GO TO BE MORE INDEPENDENT.
- OK.
YOU KNOW, RHO, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I HAVE TO FIGURE OU AN OUTFIT FOR MONDAY.
THEY'RE PUTTING IN A NEW SECURITY CAMERA AT MY BANK AND I WANT TO LOOK GREAT.
- YOU DON'T NEED ME.
COME ON, JUST LET ME SEE WHAT YOU PICKED OUT FOR YOURSELF.
- OHH.
WELL, UM THIS SKIRT WITH THIS TOP.
- OH.
- YOU DON'T LIKE IT? DO YOU LIKE IT? - YES? WAIT, WAIT, I'M NOT SURE.
- BRENDA, DON'T TRY TO READ MY FACE.
DO YOU LIKE IT? - WELL, I BOUGHT IT.
- I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO WEAR.
COME ON.
- I'LL GO TO WORK NAKED.
NO, THAT'S GONNA MAKE ME LOOK FAT.
- BRENDA, LOOK, MAYBE I'LL COME BACK TOMORROW, YOU KNOW, TO DISCUSS THE THING I CAME UP FOR.
I JUST HAD THIS THING WITH JOE AND I'M A LITTLE CRAZY NOW, SO I'LL SEE-- - NO, WAIT, WAIT.
YOU GOT ME CURIOUS.
WHY NOT TELL ME NOW? - WELL, I'M AFRAID TO TELL YA BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS AGREE WITH EVERYTHING I SAY.
- NO, I DON'T, RHODA.
I DON'T.
I DON'T.
- YOU DON'T? - I DON'T.
- OK, JUST NOW UPSTAIRS YOU DECIDED TO PLAY IT SAFE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY RATHER THAN GO INTO A NEW SITUATION WHERE YOU MIGHT MEET SOME INTERESTING PEOPLE.
BRENDA, YOU GOT TO GROW.
- OH, IS THIS TRUE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? - I MEAN, LISTEN, I HAD TO RUN ALL THE WAY TO MINNEAPOLIS BEFORE I FINALLY STARTED TO GROW.
REALLY.
I MEAN, I WAS 23 YEARS OLD BEFORE I BOUGHT A PAIR OF SHOES WITHOU MA FEELING THE TOES FIRST.
SO, I KNOW, I KNOW IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME FOR YOU.
- I'M GOING TO STAR BEING INDEPENDEN AND TAKING CHANCES RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT NOW.
I AM GOING TO WEAR THIS ON MONDAY.
OR NOT.
- I CAN'T FUNCTION ON SUNDAY WITHOUT A SUNDAY PAPER.
EVEN IF I'M NOT READING IT, IT'S NOT SUNDAY WITHOU A PAPER LYING AROUND.
- I FEEL WONDERFUL, JOE.
I MEAN, YOU HAD ME AT A DISADVANTAGE HERE.
I FEEL JUST TERRIFIC AND YOU SEEM TO BE MAD.
- I DON'T HAVE A SUNDAY PAPER, BUT I HAVE SOME HOT NEWS HERE.
YOU FEEL TERRIFIC, HUH? - IT'S FADING.
UH, OK, I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU'RE UPSET.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M UPSET, RHODA.
THOSE CRAZY RULES YOU MADE UP FOR US TO FIGHT BY.
I NEVER FELT SO, UM - FRUSTRATED? - NO, NOT FRUSTRATED.
SO, UH, NOT HAVING AN OUTLET FOR WHAT I FEEL.
- WELL, YOU KNOW SOMETHING, JOE, THOSE RULES-- THEY'RE NOT MINE.
NO, THE BOOK STATED VERY CLEARLY THERE ARE NO RULES.
IN FACT, THAT WAS RULE NUMBER 4-- THERE ARE NO RULES.
- I FAILED TO GET ACROSS IN THAT ARGUMEN IS THAT YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
- JOE, IF I MAY POINT OUT IT'S NOT TERRIBLY MATURE TO BE HUNG UP ON WHO'S RIGH AND WHO'S WRONG, BUT IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN THE SUBSTANCE OF LAST NIGHT'S ARGUMENT, BRENDA AGREED THAT SHE HAS TO BECOME MORE INDEPENDENT, WHICH MEANS YOU'RE WRONG, I'M RIGHT, I WIN.
- STILL NO PAPER.
CARLTON? - HELLO, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- CARLTON, THIS IS JOE GERARD.
HAVE YOU SEEN OUR SUNDAY PAPER? - ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF STEALING IT? - NO, I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU.
I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF ANYTHING, CARLTON.
- WELL, YOU SHOULD BECAUSE I STOLE IT YESTERDAY.
- WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? - I WAS COLD.
- FORGET IT, CARLTON, I'LL GO DOWN AND BUY ANOTHER ONE.
- THANK YOU.
- JOE? - WHAT? - NOTHING.
I'LL MISS YOU.
- HI, JOE.
- OH, HI, BREN.
- HI.
- HI.
IS EVERYTHING OK? - I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
I'M DECIDING WHA TO HAVE FOR BREAKFAST.
THE CHOICE IS BETWEEN FUDGE RIPPLE AND ROCKY ROAD.
- COME ON, RHO, EATING ISN' GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING.
LOOK AT ME.
THAT'S HOW FAR I'VE COME IN JUST ONE DAY.
I'M GIVING YOU ADVICE AND ABOUT EATING.
RHO, I'VE GOT A PRETTY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE, BUT I'M NOT SURE IF THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME TO TELL YOU.
- IS IT GOOD NEWS? - YEAH.
- THIS IS THE RIGHT TIME.
- WELL, SO FAR THIS HAS BEEN THE MOS INCREDIBLE DAY OF MY LIFE.
- YEAH? - IT STARTED OUT WITH ME DOING SOMETHING I'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE.
I WOKE UP AT 5:30 THIS MORNING AND I JUST STARTED WALKING ALL OVER THE CITY AND I WASN'T AFRAID.
- THAT'S WONDERFUL.
BRENDA, IT'S WONDERFUL.
DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S NOT SMART.
- WHY, I JUST KEPT ON THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID, RHO.
I KEPT ON THINKING I WAS GOING TO MAKE A BIG DECISION.
MAYBE CHANGE IT ALL, RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
- BOY, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
- OH, IT WAS WONDERFUL.
FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS AND THEN SOME GUY CAME UP TO ME, INTRODUCED HIMSELF AND INVITED ME TO BE HIS GUES AT AN ADULT BOOKSTORE.
USUALLY SOMETHING LIKE THAT WOULD SEND ME RUNNING STRAIGHT FOR HOME.
- BUT NOT THIS MORNING? - RIGHT.
- TERRIFIC.
BRENDA, IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL.
JUST WONDERFUL.
- WELL, ANYWAY, I FINALLY FOUND IN TIMES SQUARE SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.
A MARINE RECRUITER WHO TOLD ME HE TRAVELED OVER 2 MILLION MILES AND WITH A CREW CUT.
- WOW.
- RHO, I BEGAN TO WONDER WHAT'S KEEPING ME IN NEW YORK.
RHO, I'M GONNA MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO.
HOW COME YOU STOPPED SAYING WONDERFUL? - DID I? - YEAH.
- WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.
I--I-IT WAS A SURPRISE.
- I'M GONNA DO IT.
- TERRIFIC.
- WELL, YOU HELPED, RHO.
I MEAN, YOU REALLY STARTED ME THINKING.
- OH, YEAH, I CAN'T FORGET THAT.
- WELL, I GUESS I BETTER GO TALK TO CARLTON AND SEE HOW SOON HE CAN RENT OU MY APARTMENT.
- YEAH, TERRIFIC, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL.
YOU ARE MAKING ME PROUD, BREN.
- YEAH.
- KEEP IT UP.
- RIGHT.
- RIGHT.
- I DON'T CARE.
- THAT DON'T BOTHER YOU? WELL, YOU CAN BELIEVE ONE THING, IT'S THE LAST TIME I'M WORKING A WRECKING JOB WITH YOU WHEN YOU'RE HAVING A FIGHT WITH RHODA.
- HEY, WILL YOU STOP EXAGGERATING? IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
- IT WASN'T THAT BAD? IT WAS THE WORST DAY I'VE EVER HAD IN THE WRECKING BUSINESS.
THIS WAS WORSE THAN THE TIME WE TORE DOWN THAT FERTILIZER FACTORY.
- HEY, JUST LAY OFF.
WILL YA? IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME THIS WAY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF? WHAT ARE YOU HANGING AROUND FOR? - I'D LOVE TO GO, BUT I'M WAITING FOR A CALL FROM MY WIFE.
- HEY, JOE, WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT I DO WHEN I HAVE A FIGHT WITH MY WIFE? - WHAT DO YOU DO? - I LOSE.
- HEY, LOOK, IT'S NOT THE FIGHT.
IT'S WHAT RHODA DID HERE.
SHE GETS AN IDEA IN HER HEAD AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW BRENDA'S MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO.
BRENDA DOESN'T HAVE A JOB THERE, SHE DOESN'T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE THERE.
I MEAN, THE WHOLE FAMILY IS SCREWED UP AND RHODA'S TELLING ME THAT WE FIGHT GOOD? - HEY, WELL, DO YOU WAN THE FIGHT TO BE OVER? - YEAH.
- JUST BE NICE TO HER.
REALLY, THE ONLY FIGHT THA CAN'T BE SOLVED WITH A KISS AND A SMILE IS THE ONE WHERE-- WHERE A GUY STARTS OFF BY BREAKING THE BEER BOTTLE ACROSS YOUR HEAD.
- HI, JOE.
HELLO, JUSTIN.
HEY, HOW DID YOU GET LIKE THAT? YOU GUYS BEEN SWIMMING IN THE HUDSON RIVER TODAY? - HEY, I'D LOVE TO LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.
I REALLY WOULD, YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY WITH WHAT YOU'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH, BUT I'M WAITING FOR A CALL FROM MY WIFE.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - THE THING BETWEEN YOU AND RHODA.
- I STILL DON'T KNOW WHA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- UH, WELL, I HOPE SHE CALLS SOON.
- WELL, I CAN TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME IN CASE ANYBODY'S INTERESTED.
- YEAH, I'M INTERESTED.
- OK, WELL, FOR STARTERS, IT'S KIND OF DIFFICULT BECAUSE I AM TALKING TO TWO MEN WHO ARE COVERED WITH A BUILDING.
ONE OF THEM IS VERY ANGRY WITH ME, BUT HE'S GONNA HAVE TO BE MAD AT SOME OTHER TIME BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I NEED HIM.
- OK, I'M NOT MAD ANYMORE.
WHAT'D YOU DO? - WHAT'S THE MATTER? WHAT IS IT? - OH, JOE, I DON'T WANT BRENDA TO GO TO SAN FRANCISCO.
I MEAN, I'M SORRY I EVER INTERFERED IN HER LIFE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
YOU WERE SO RIGHT.
I JUST GOT TO GET OVER THIS THING WHERE I'M TRYING TO MAKE BRENDA'S LIFE PERFECT FOR HER.
FROM NOW ON IT'S HANDS OFF COMPLETELY.
BESIDES, LOOK WHA IT'S DOING TO ME.
IT'S COMPLETELY WIPING US OUT.
I MEAN, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN WE WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT.
- SHE SHOULD BE CALLING SHORTLY.
- LISTEN, RHODA, LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I THINK I CAN CLEAR THIS WHOLE THING UP BECAUSE I'M NO AS EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED AS YOU ARE.
- OK, JOE.
- NOW, YOU WANT BRENDA TO STAY.
- YEAH.
- NOW, I'VE GOT A HUNCH THA SHE WANTS TO STAY, ONLY YOU'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE ON THIS HANDS OFF KICK, BUT I THINK THA YOU DON'T HURT ANYONE BY LETTING 'EM KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM.
[TELEPHONE RINGING.]
- HELLO? OH, HI, HONEY, LE ME CALL YOU BACK.
- SO SO, INSTEAD OF STANDING ON THE SIDELINES LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DOING, IF YOU COULD JUST TALK TO HER LIKE YOU USED TO TALK TO HER, BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME THA UP UNTIL THE LAST FEW DAYS THAT EVERYTHING BETWEEN YOU IS GOING REAL GOOD.
- BOY, JOE, IT'S INCREDIBLE.
AFTER A HARD DAY'S WORK YOU STAND THERE AND YOU COME UP WITH AN ANSWER LIKE THAT.
- OH, NO, I'VE KNOWN THAT FOR DAYS.
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? - BECAUSE IT WASN'T MY TURN.
- OH, JOE.
UGH! UGH! IT'S WORTH IT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- BRENDA, YOU IN THERE? - COME ON IN.
- OH, THIS IS YOUR FIRST NON-CAKE.
- RHODA, IT LOOKS LIKE A WONDERFUL CAKE.
- NO, THIS IS NOT A CAKE.
- OH.
- THIS IS A DIET CAKE.
- NO WAY, COME ON, IT CAN'T BE.
- IT SURE IS.
10 PERCENT SWEET 'N LOW AND 90 PERCENT AIR.
SO, WHEN YOU BLOW IT OUT, YOU BETTER BE VERY CAREFUL.
YAY! WHAT'D YOU WISH FOR? - I WISHED IT WAS THE REAL THING.
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WORKING HERE, SORTING OUT ALL MY STUFF FOR MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I FORGOT TO EAT.
HMM, NO, I DIDN'T.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? I REALLY AM CHANGING.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO COULD LEAVE FOOD ON MY PLATE.
IT'S SO ELEGANT.
- BRENDA, LISTEN, UM, I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
- NO, YOU DON'T.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT I IS I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR? - YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
- WILL YOU STOP THAT? PLEASE LET ME APOLOGIZE TO YOU.
I AM SORRY.
I'VE MADE THE INCREDIBLE PRESUMPTION THAT BECAUSE I'VE BEEN AROUND A COUPLE MORE YEARS THAN YOU THAT I HAVE SOME KIND OF IDEA HOW YOU SHOULD RUN YOUR LIFE.
I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT ANY MORE AFTER THIS.
HOWLET ME PHRASE THIS RIGHT.
TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT GOING TO SAN FRANCISCO.
- I DON'T WANT TO GO.
- WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO GO? - I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I BOUGHT THIS SHIRT.
I DON'T THINK I LIKE OWLS.
I'VE BEEN EASING UP A LITTLE BIT ON MY DECISION TO GO.
- NO KIDDING? - YEAH, I MEAN, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN REACTING IN A VERY FUNNY WAY SINCE I'VE BEEN SAYING I'M GOING.
LIKE THERE WAS TALK ABOU A FAREWELL PARTY AT MY BANK AND FROM MY TELLERS CAGE I HEARD THE SOUND OF PEOPLE CHIPPING IN FOR A GIFT.
- OH, THAT'S NICE.
- YEAH, AND ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS ARE NAUSEOUS WITH GRIEF.
AND YOU KNOW, CHET DEVEROE, THE HOT COMB NUMBER, WE TOOK A LONG WALK TOGETHER AND, RHODA, HE MUST REALLY CARE BECAUSE IT WAS A WINDY DAY AND HE WAS NOT WEARING A HAT.
SO, I DON'T KNOW.
I MAY NOT BE GROWING HERE, BUT I'M HAPPY.
- GOOD THINKING, MORGENSTERN.
AND LISTEN, BY THE WAY, FOR THE RECORD, I HAVE BEEN EASING UP ON A LO OF THE STUFF I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
- WELL, RHODA, IF YOU'RE EASING-- - WAIT A MINUTE, THE FACT THA I'M EASING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR DECISION.
BRENDA, YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN TO DISAGREE WITH ME OR I'LL HAVE TO WATCH EVERY WORD I SAY TO YOU.
SO WILL YOU PLEASE NOT AGREE WITH ME? - YEAH.
- I MEAN, STARTING RIGHT NOW.
- OK, YOU GOT IT.
- OK.
BRENDA, I THINK YOU SHOULD GO TO SAN FRANCISCO.
- TOO BAD.
I'M NOT GOING.
- VERY GOOD.
- OK.
- HEY, BRENDA, WE GOT TO TELL CARLTON YOU'RE NOT MOVING.
- OH, YEAH.
- BEFORE HE RENTS YOUR APARTMENT.
- RIGHT.
- HELLO, CARLTON? - HELLO, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- NOW, CARLTON, LISTEN, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
BRENDA IS STAYING.
- WONDERFUL.
I HOPE SHE ENJOYS LIVING WITH THE ENGINEER I JUST RENTED HER PLACE TO.
- CARLTON, NO ENGINEER IS MOVING IN HERE WITH MY SISTER.
- WAIT A MINUTE, NOT SO HASTY.
- UH, CARLTON, HOW MUCH DID THE ENGINEER GIVE YOU? - I BELIEVE IT WOULD BE LACKING OF INTEGRITY TO DISCUSS MY BRIBES.
- WELL, MAYBE WE'RE PREPARED TO BUY THE APARTMENT BACK, UH HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT? - UH, YOU MEAN, HOW MUCH MONEY DO I WANT? - HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU WANT, CARLTON? - THIS IS THE MOS WONDERFUL DAY OF MY LIFE.
LET'S SEECAN I CALL MY ACCOUNTANT? - WE DON'T HAVE TIME.
- IT WON'T TAKE LONG.
HE'S LYING AT THE CURB.