Sam and Cat (2013) s01e23 Episode Script
The Killer Tuna Jump
And a little a'dis.
And a little a' dat.
And a dash a'dis.
A blob of red, a plop a' brown come on now, plop on in there.
Excuse me.
I'm trying to do my homework.
Well, try to keep it down, would ya? What are you even doing? There's like a billion in the sauces in the world, right? I haven't counted the sauce of the world.
Well, I am making the perfect sauce for any food.
Open your mouth.
I don't wanna.
Open.
Well? It's not a sauce for me.
Well, now I gotta go change shirts before I start to smell.
So I'll just Okay.
I know you guys told me that I should knock, but I got a situation so I forgot to knock.
Don't ask about his situation.
What's your situation? Geez.
Okay, so two nights ago I was playing in a poker game.
Now, try to picture this in your minds as I tell ya the story.
Sure.
Okay.
So I was at bots after hours and I was just about to win a big hand.
Hey, man.
Thanks again for lettin' us play here.
Just please don't tell my manager.
Ah, no worries.
So what do you do again? Me? I'm a spear fisherman.
I spear fish using this here spear gun.
That things not loaded, is it? Oh, oh, yeah.
It's loaded.
C'mon.
Who's in? Me.
I'm all in.
I'm out.
I'm Randy.
I'm gonna get more eggs.
Okay, spear fisherman.
This is for all the tuna.
Flush to the ten.
Ah, crabs.
I lost.
Owww, my eggs.
Okay, did the egg boy die? No.
Then be happy.
You won a lotta money.
I didn't win any money.
You said the spear fisherman guy bet all the tuna.
He did.
I thought he meant money, but he was betting actual fish.
Tuna fish? Yeah, he paid me with a 1200 pounds of tuna.
Y' know, I got the perfect sauce for tuna fish.
They aren't ready for sauce they're alive, swimming in a tank down at the Fisherman's wharf.
So just sell 'em to some tuna fish company.
You don't get it.
I don't want it.
They aren't normal tuna fish.
They're Kansas razor back tuna.
So what? People can't eat Kansas razor-back tuna? No, they taste terrible and they eat everything, even people.
Why would a tuna fish wanna eat me? I don't know, revenge? All right I wanna check out these vicious tuna.
Let's go.
I can't go.
Why not? I'm meeting a friend to work on a school project.
C'mon, let's go, after I change my shirt.
But I didn't like your sauce.
Ah, so what's your school project about? Oh, it's a Ding dong.
I'll grab it.
Hi.
Nice hair.
What are you? Jade.
What are you doing here? You said you wanted to work on our project.
At your house, not here.
Whatever.
Let's just go in No, you can't.
Okay, did you forget to take your special vitamins today? No.
Yes.
I better go take 'em now.
Now, just stay here and don't move.
I do what I want.
Okay, you wanna tell me what's going on? Don't you get it? Not really.
That is my friend Jade out there.
She's the second scariest girl I know.
Well, who's the scariest? Sam.
Oh, well have Sam and Jade ever met before? Hush up.
Jade and Sam can never meet.
They'd kill each other.
Dice, you ready? Ahhhh.
What? You, you can't go out there dressed like that.
You got, you got sauce all over your shirt.
I put on a different shirt.
Just a sec.
Whoops.
Okay did you forget to take your special vitamins today? Yes, you know what? I think I did.
Why don't you go to the drugstore and get me some more 'cause I must be runnin' out or something.
Uh, Cat.
What? I'm speaking.
There's a girl behind ya.
Hey.
Hey.
Heyyyyy.
I'm never that far no matter where you are believe it we can make it come true we'll do it our way no matter what they say 'cause no one's gonna do it for you but I I I'll never say never as long as we keep it together if you're living a dream and you know what it means then you can't let them change your mind it's the life that we choose and we still break the rules but it's all gonna be just fine (just fine) Yeah, we're all gonna be just fine you and me we're gonna be just fine um.
What happened? When did I go non-conscious? Yes.
Oh, no, you're not.
That's it.
No.
Yes.
Now, you gotta You wanna taste of that? Oh, my gosh.
Sam and Jade are gonna kill each other.
Sam and Jade are gonna kill each other.
Don't bleed on my bed.
Oh, yeah.
C'mon.
Bleed.
Ooooo.
Girls don't.
Oh, hey.
Oh, you regained consciousness.
Yeah I, I thought you guys were fighting.
Fighting? Why we would be fighting? Well, you're both anti-social misfits, filled with anger and rage.
Wait.
Is that why you haven't invited me over ever since you moved in? And why you never wanted me to meet her? Well, yeah.
What'd you think would happen? Murder.
Do you wanna murder me? Well, I no, I'm good.
So you two are really getting along, huh? Yeah.
Like we found out that we both laugh when children cry.
How can you not? I know.
Oh and we both hate people.
No, I hate 'em more.
I don't know.
Oh, dice is ready for us to head to the wharf check out his angry tuna fish.
Oh, have fun.
Hey, Jade, do wanna come with? Sure, why not.
No.
We still have a lotta work to do on our project for Sikowitz.
So? We can go check out the tuna and then later you can do all the work for both of us.
Ha, this chick's the best.
Let's hit that wharf.
To da wharf.
Wharf speed.
Ha, good one.
Okay, here I come.
A hundred and ten bucks a day.
Just to keep a few tuna fish here? That's right.
Ya got the tank fee, ya got the water rental, you got the tank rental, you got that water fee, you got state tax, city tax, rental tax, you got tank water fee rental tax, you got Take the money.
Ah, it smells like gross fish around here.
Sorry, it's the Oh, it's okay.
I love bad smells.
What the how come I'm the one who had to run behind the motorcycle? Well, 'cuz Sam said I could ride on the back.
But don't worry.
On the way home I'm gonna let Jade drive.
And Sam will ride on the back.
And then you can run behind us.
Thank you.
Will someone please help me with my tuna problem? Relax.
May we view the tuna? Yeah, they're right in there.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, nice grab.
Thanks.
I was gonna say nice grab.
Nice grab, Sam.
Thanks.
A Kansas razor back tuna.
Very cool.
Yeah, very cool.
Kansas, yeah.
That fish doesn't look so vicious.
Whoa.
Oh, geez.
Check this out.
Sandwich.
Oh.
Ah, that was the fishes.
You always keep a sandwich in your pocket? Try to.
What am I gonna do? Do you know how much money I'm gonna lose on these dumb fish? Hang on, hang on a sec.
How a, how big would you guys say this tank is? Uh, 'bout twenty-five feet.
Well I'd say it's about 21 feet.
Hey.
That tank is exactly 25 feet across.
So the redhead is wrong.
Hey, dice.
I think I might know how you can make some money off of these tuna fish.
What's ya thinking? Motorcycle jump? Motorcycle jump.
We put a ramp right here, we set one up over there.
We, we put some bleachers in the back here and then we charge people a bunch of money to watch someone jump the tuna.
That's crazy.
I love it.
It's perfect.
I'm on board.
Yeah.
But wait, who can we get to make the jump? Me.
For real? Awesome.
Well, no.
I am not gonna let you jump a motorcycle over a tank full of 1200 pounds of dangerous tuna fish from Nebraska.
From Kansas.
You're from Kansas.
It, it's fine.
I've made jumps almost that far before.
Over dangerous tuna? No.
Dude, you got Hey, hey.
What about the dirty skipper? Oh, yeah.
Who's the dirty skipper? He's a guy, like a professional daredevil and he'll jump a motorcycle over anything.
He's also filthy.
He's disgusting But he is awesome on a motorcycle.
All right, I'll try to book the dirty skipper.
Wanna get some food? I'm all over that.
Ooo, hey.
Wanna go to that new salad place? Ooo, hey, dice.
Have you heard of that new salad place, "lettuce have lunch"? Ah, later.
I gotta go book the dirty skipper.
Oh, okay.
Hey, guys.
So you wanna go to that new salad place, "lettuce have lunch"? We'll see ya there.
Hey, that new lunch place for salads is called "lettuce eat lunch.
" So you're wrong, again.
Aw, I love popping 'em.
Oh, here he comes.
Watch me mess with this robot.
Hello, you pressed your call button? Ah, yeah.
Can we please get some heshnermefffizin? Uh, appreciate it.
Uhhh, pardon? We just need some heshnermefffizin when you get a sec.
Searching the menu for heshnermefffizin.
Will you please just dwiggalarfin the zazzatwillenin? I, I cannot I do not understand, cannot process.
So it serves him right for trying to be helpful.
Thank you for killing my friend.
Uh, go sit at that table.
I got business.
Oh, hi.
Hey, what's up? Sup? What's sup is Looks like you guys forgot to invite me to your little get together.
No, we were just about to text you.
Yeah, well just about.
I also notice I wasn't invited to go with you guys to the movies last night either.
It was a horror movie.
You hate horror movies.
So? I hate spiders too, but if a spider was having a birthday party I could swing by for some cake.
Cat, wait.
Come back.
Hang out with us.
Sit down.
Oh, no thank you.
I'll be sitting elsewhere with dice and nona.
Jealous? Mm, should be.
Hang on.
I just got a text.
Having such a good time.
Oh, nice.
My assistant got in touch with the dirty skipper.
Dirty skipper? Ah, yeah.
I need him to jump some tuna fish.
Did I miss something? Probably.
What is the matter with you? Sam stole Jade from me.
Oh, c'mon.
I wouldn't say she stole Jade.
Well, I would.
'Cuz she did.
I wanted to hang out with them today.
Well, well, you got us to hang out with.
Oh, great.
Y'know where I come from, if someone steals one of your friends, you steal one of theirs.
But actually, I like that.
I should steal one of Sam's friends.
Yeah, but Sam's friends live in Seattle.
Yes, Seattle.
Seattle.
Seattle.
You getting an idea? No, just thought if I kept looking up and saying Seattle Seattle I might think of somethin'.
Why? Well, it's the first of the month.
And, uh, Jade said she might wanna go do and,some karaoke so I was thinking I'll meet up with her.
Ooooooo, karaoke, huh? What are ya gonna sing? Huh? A little song called "who needs Cat?" Would you like to come with us? No.
I have homework.
Your book is upside down.
I like it upside down.
Okaaaaay.
I'll show her who can steal a friend.
Sam's phone, Sam's phone, ah, Sam's phone.
Ah, contacts.
Abraham's fried chicken, Adam's ribs, Barney's bean barn.
Wow, a lotta restaurants.
Ooo, a person with a Seattle area code.
Oo, Sam.
Uh, yeah, hey Sam what's up? It's not Sam.
It's Cat, her roommate.
Oh.
Well, hi Cat.
Hi.
Is this, uh Benson comma Freddie? Yeah.
Okay, great and are you a good friend of Sam's? Yeah, sure.
You could say that.
Who are you talking to? Mom, please.
Are you staring Carly's door again? No.
She is in Italy and she will never love you.
Hello? Come to L.
A.
right now.
To, to L.
A.
? Yes.
Yes.
It stands for Los Angeles.
I know, but why do I need to come there? It's, uh, it's about Sam.
What'd she get arrested for this time? No, no, she was, she was run over by a A sports utility vehicle.
Wh Sam got run over? Yeah.
It's real bad.
You know, bleeding gums, fractured bones, broken buttocks.
You better get here fast.
Wh okay, okay.
I mean do you think she'll be all right? No more questions.
I have an itch.
That's not my responsibility.
Aaahhhh.
Yay, Freddie's here.
I'm coming.
Where is Sam? Oh, just Out with my friend Jade, probably shopping and trying on hats, just havin' a big old fun montage together.
Well, when's she comin' back? I got tuna fish trouble.
I thought you got the dirty skipper man to jump over 'em with a motorcycle.
He won't do it.
He said that Kansas razor-back tuna fish are too dangerous to jump over.
What am I gonna do? Hey, dice? Yeah? Get out.
Who's at the door? Freddie Benson.
Who's Freddie Benson? An astronaut.
Wait.
I wanna meet an astronaut.
Get away.
Hi.
Is, is Sam okay? Is she in the hospital? No, she's just in here.
Oh, thanks.
Sam? Sam, where are you? Sam? Oh, Sam's not here.
But, but Didn't you just say she was Well, aren't you a handsome boy, full of questions? Look, I'm really worried about my friend sa Handsome? Sure beans.
Well, thanks.
So you're Cat? Yeah, Cat Valentine.
Why? Do you like cats? Yeah.
But So, so you're Sam's roommate? Uh-huh.
The girl who called me last night? Yeah.
Yeah.
Did ya add me to your contacts? No.
Well there's time for that.
Look, I'm really worried about Sam.
Why? 'Cuz she got run over, apparently by a sport utility vehicle.
Says who? You.
Says you.
When? Last night.
You said that Sam has fractured bones, bleeding gums, and she broke her buttocks.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I, I am so sorry.
Why? 'Cuz I I've never said buttocks in front of a girl before.
Oh, it's okay.
Buttocks don't offend me.
Oh.
You wanna hang out with me today? Well, I, I mean if that's See, I don't, I I don't know what you mean.
You know, just me and you, couple a friends.
Hangin' Uff mi pie esta en fuego.
Ven pasa el dia conmigo.
Okay.
Let's go.
This is so weird.
I'm sorry, all tables are full.
Well, how long's the wait? The wait time is between ten and two hundred minutes.
I'll get us a table.
Um, this is our table.
Yeah.
Mm, leftover boy food.
I didn't say anything funny.
What the? No way.
What Cat? No, it's Just, just come with me.
Oh, oh, Freddie.
Ah, well looks who's here.
Sam.
There you are.
Hi.
What are you do she Happening here? I came down to L.
A.
'Cuz I thought you got run over by Oh, Freddie.
This is my friend Jade.
Jade, how cute is my new friend Freddie? Yeah.
He's a pretty little little chunk a' boy.
Well, this is awkward.
Your entire life is awkward.
You should be used to it by now.
She makes a good point.
When did you get here? This morning.
Yep.
Freddie and I have been hangin' out all day.
Wait.
So you've been here a whole day and you didn't call me or text me or buy me a present? I was gonna, but Ooo, Freddie, Freddie.
We're gonna be late for our tour.
What tour? I'm taking Freddie on a tour of all the Los Angeles freeways.
Yeah, we're gonna see the 101, the 10.
The 118, the 134.
The 405, which I hear is wide.
Mmmmm-hmmm.
When I have friends come to L.
A.
I like to take 'em on a tour of places where famous people died.
Or where I feel they will die.
Well, we don't wanna be late.
Yeah.
Uh, hey, you guys wanna come with us? Nope.
They're just fine.
Oh, okay.
Uh, well I'll meet you later.
Or not.
Can you believe Cat? Nah, for some reason she's always loved freeways.
No.
She's jealous 'cuz you and I have been hangin' out, so she called my friend Freddie and made him come to L.
A.
Just to bug me.
Well, where I come from, and that's a dark, dark place Yeah? We don't get mad at people.
We get even.
Actually, we get mad and then we get even.
And sometimes we smear fake blood on their front door in the middle of the night, but that seems extreme in this case.
So how can I get even with Cat for stealing my friend Freddie? I really don't wanna take sides.
C'mon.
Okay.
I am getting a strong feeling you and Freddie used to date.
I'm not proud of it.
Well, since Cat's running around with your ex-boyfriend Don't say it out loud.
You make a date with this guy.
His names Robbie and Cat's had a crush on him like forever.
Him? He's sort of a him.
So wait.
The iCarly web show couldn't start until you pointed at the girls? That's right.
I'd go in five, four, three, two You forgot the one.
No, see I, I intentionally don't say the one.
It's okay, Freddie.
Whenever I count I always forget three.
Nope, I, I didn't forget to say one.
I do it on purpose.
Shhhh.
What? Shhhh.
You're swell uh, that sounds like I think you're swell I think you're swell Robbie Shapiro.
Whoa.
Ah.
Oh, Cat.
You're back.
Uh, Robbie was just singing me a little song he wrote called I know what it's called.
He wrote that song for me.
Cat.
I'm swell, me.
He sang to me over a year ago.
Well, he's signin' it to me now.
My life really is awkward.
Robbie, I thought you and me had something special.
Well, it seems like you've got something special with a lotta fellas.
Tah, good one, glasses.
Why did you call Robbie and invite him here? Why did you call Freddie? Robbie is in love with me.
So? Freddie's in love with me.
Now wait a second.
If you're so in love with Sam then why have you been running around Los Angeles fadoodling with Cat? I haven't fadoodled with Cat.
You could've if ya wanted to.
Huh? How dare you.
You deserve this.
You probably do a lot of sit-ups.
Why are you mad at me? 'Cuz you came here to L.
A.
And all you care about is hangin' with Cat.
Uh, I came here because I thought you broke your buttocks.
Duh, I said buttocks in front of girls again.
Y'know, none of this woulda happened if you hadn't stolen my friend Jade.
Oh, what kinda friend are you, bringing Freddie here and flirting with him when you know he's the only guy I ever loved? What now? I'm exaggerating to make a point.
I don't understand any of this.
Well let me help you understand.
You and I are being used.
Really? Sam? Maybe I used you a little.
Well, hecks yeah.
Up to this point in my life my problem has been a lack of use.
So if I must be a pawn in the game of love then I say, play ball.
So you have no self-respect? Not a lick.
Okay, listen to this.
Ohhhh, lemme guess, dice.
You got a big problem, don't ya? I betcha ya got a big problem.
Yeah.
I got a biiiiig problem.
Wanna know why? 'Cuz I won twelve hundred pounds of tuna fish in a poker game.
I can't sell 'em and the dirty skipper won't jump 'em with his motorcycle even though I sold two hundred tickets.
That kid has amazing hair.
You texted me and said the dirty skipper was gonna jump the tuna.
Well he was 'til he went online and found out dangerous Kansas razor-back tuna fish are.
I'm in major trouble here.
No, you're not.
'Cuz I'm gonna jump the tuna.
Yes.
You promised me you wouldn't.
Oh, what do you care? You can't like me very much if you're gonna flirt with my ex-boyfriend right in front of my face.
Wh well you flirted with Robbie right in front of my face.
Oh, you mean like this? Mmmm, dat was some tasty Robbie.
Y'know what? Jump your stupid motorcycle over the tuna fish.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That sounds dangerous.
It is and I don't care what happens to you.
Oh, why don't you go check up on your new little girlfriend Cat? Dude I'll jump the tuna, but my bike's too heavy.
You find me a dirt bike.
Ah Four stroke one fifty.
You've got it.
I'm recording.
Would you mind saying, mmm, dat was some tasty Robbie again? Look, don't take this the wrong way, but you make me sick.
Did I miss anything? What is it, mom? How did you know I said buttocks? Nyehhhh.
I know what I did.
I take geometry.
You know I only like triangular pizza.
So why don't you ask your new best friends Jade and Robbie to cut the pizza for you from now on? All right, screwin' up my pizza is crossin' a line.
Sorry.
You mess with the Cat you get the whiskers.
Hey guys.
Ehhh.
Ehhhh what? Hey, Sam, come check out what I got ya? Yeah.
See? See? It's your jumpin' bike.
It says dirty Sam.
Well, it said dirty skipper, but when he backed out I had my painter change skipper to Sam.
Man, you couldna changed dirty to sweet mamma or somethin'? He charges me a buck a letter.
You're a cheap little skunk, aren't ya? Hey, um, so my lawyer wants you to initial these boxes and sign here.
You want me to sign a contract? I just need to be protected in case, y'know, in case your motorcycle jump is problematic.
Whatever.
Okay.
See it says, Sam agrees not to hold dice legally responsible if Sam crashes her motorcycle and her injuries result in the loss of her arms, legs, or head.
I accept that risk.
Stop it.
Just stop it.
You are not jumping over a bunch of dangerous tuna fish.
Who asked you? Go get everything ready.
You got it, dirty Sam.
And don't call me dir Oh, call me dirty Sam.
You are not gonna jump the tuna.
Oh, why aren't I? 'Cuz I'm not gonna let you do something stupid and get hurt.
Oh, I'm sorry, weren't you the one who said, "I don't care what happens to you?" Well yeah.
You stole my friend and then you kissed my kinda boyfriend Robbie on his pink pouty lips.
And then you said he was tasty.
I lied about the tasty.
I know.
I've kissed him.
Well, I promised dice and Sam Puckett does not go back on her word.
Somebody has to jump over those tuna on a motorcycle.
Fine.
I'll jump the tuna.
Ha, you couldn't jump over a can of tuna.
Now c'mon.
Help me find my motorcycle gloves.
I put 'em somewhere in the closet.
I'm not sure exactly where, but I think it's somewhere near the back so I'm gonna need your help, okay? Please.
Uh, Cat.
Hey.
Cat, open the door.
No, you're a crazy person.
Why are you doing this? 'Cuz I care about you even after what you did.
Come on.
I gotta jump the tuna.
Don't worry.
You will jump the tuna.
Everyone, please take your seats.
Dirty Sam is scheduled to jump the tuna in twenty minutes.
Okay, girls.
How many tickets? Uh, excuse me.
Spear fisherman comin' through, outta the way, outta the way.
Yeah, we would like to buy two tickets.
Uh, forty bucks.
Um, I assume that there is a discount for we spear fisherman.
Forty bucks.
C'mon.
Spear fisherman.
All right, how many tickets? Jade, hey, Jade.
There you are.
You remember Freddie.
Sorta.
Hello.
We've been hanging out all day.
Allll dayyy.
That's neat.
Did you know that if you merge my name with his name we're frobbie? Ooo, I better go get us tickets to watch the motorcycle jump.
Yeah, you better go.
Help me.
Hey, has anyone seen Sam? Hey, I have not seen Sam.
Cat, let me out.
I gotta be at the wharf in twenty minutes to jump the tuna.
And there's literally no food in this closet.
Cat, what are you doing? I'm wearing your silly suit and I'm gonna go jump the tuna fish.
Dude, you're gonna get hurt.
Well, and that's the price I'll have to pay for saving a friend from doing something stupid.
But you're doing something stupid.
It wouldn't be the first time.
True.
But wait, Dice sold tickets to people who think I'm gonna jump the tuna.
That's why I'm wearing your suit and helmet, so people will think I'm you.
Uh, we don't exactly have the same body.
Not yet.
Ah, yay, boo-soms.
All right.
I'll be back after the jump.
Aw, c'mon.
What am I supposed to eat in here? I'm sliding some pizzas under the door.
D'ahhh.
Rectangles.
D'ahhh, Cat, open the door.
Everyone, please take your seats.
I'm sorry, man, but you shoulda ordered your tickets ahead a' time.
Come on.
We're dying to see Sam jump the tuna.
I'm not.
Really? How come? 'Cuz I lo I really like Sam and I don't wanna see her get hurt.
Anyway, we're sold out.
Hey, those two guys can watch the jump from that camera lift right there.
You guys wanna watch Sam jump from up there? Ahhh, buena vista.
Oh, that will be fun.
Come along then, new friend Freddie.
Up, up, and hooray.
Dice? Cat? Anyone? I'm out of pizza.
All right, that tears it.
Yyyyaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.
Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Oh,.
I'm going to see my granddaughter's roommate jump the tuna.
Well, hello Jade.
Nona.
How's Beck, that handsome boyfriend of yours? Are you two still bf and gf? Uh-huh.
Oh, You know, I used to date a man whose last name was Beck.
Mmm.
Otis Beck.
Oh, he was a jazz musician from new Orleans.
You should of heard him blow that horn.
It sounded like a dozen angels from heaven came down Oh.
Hello, boy.
You like jazz? Jazz.
Jazz.
Jazz.
Whoa.
This might be the popcorn talking, but I feel like I'm the king of the worm.
Ooo, and here she comes.
Give it up for dirty Sam Puckett.
Ah, ah, how do I stop this? Oh, aahh.
Oh, what are you doing? Ah, look at her go.
How do I stop it? Where's the stopper? Why is she chasing a man with buckets? No, outta the way.
I don't know, fella.
I'm sorry.
No, no.
Ah, man, I need a rack a' ribs.
I gotta stop Cat.
Yes, yes.
I'm Sam.
I like food and motorcycles.
Okay, well, jump good.
Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for those words.
Okay, drum roll.
Okay.
I can do this.
I'm a person.
Trust the force.
In five, in five, four, three, two, you forgot the one.
It was intentional.
Go Sam.
Cat, no.
I'm gone.
Cat.
Here she comes.
She's gonna Oh.
Whoa, aaaahhhh.
I can feel the fish biting.
Cat, get up.
Are you okay? I think so.
Uh, dude, why did you do that? You don't know how to ride a motorcycle.
To protect you.
Kid.
Did I jump over the tuna fish? Um, sorta.
He's got my face.
Who are those boys in the water? There's a fish.
I know.
That's frobbie.
Somebody rescue Frobbie.
Please, don't call us that.
Oh, Freddie's in trouble.
Sam don't.
I'm saving your life.
Hey, you're touching my buttocks.
Ah, I said buttocks again.
Uh, why Why did I come to Los Angeles? Sam, who's gonna save Robbie? Apparently, nobody's gonna save Robbie.
Well, fine.
I'll save him.
Cat, no, no.
That's a Well, I guess we don't get to see a motorcycle jump the tuna.
Yeah, but I'm satisfied because someone got hurt.
That is wicked true.
I'm a spear fisherman.
Y'know, Freddie's nice, but he's too much of a techie, nerdy type for me.
Yeah, and, y'know, Robbie, not my cut a' beef.
Mmm.
Um, could you guys not talk about that right in front of us? Man, itsafitnahaha.
Oh, sorry.
We'll go out in the hall and talk about you guys behind your backs.
Thank you.
Oh, hey Benson? Mmm.
When your face heals up and you can chew again Let's you and me go grab some dinner and have some fun.
Ahhhh.
By the way, I took eighty bucks outta your wallet.
Hmmmrrrrrmmmmm.
Cat, when my wounds heal, maybe you and I could hang out, just the two of us.
Would there be meatballs? There would.
Kay kay.
Well, Mr.
Benson.
Mmm? I know what might cheer a Freddie up.
Hrrrmmmm.
I'm still a little bit sore, but, uh, I think I can manage to finger some strings.
Mmmnnn.
I think you're swe Eh-eh-eh-el Mmmnnn.
You're swell You're the nugget to my chicken the peanut to my butter adding fiber to our diets beneficial for each other you're a piece of dental floss and I am the teeth you're Aretha Franklin I'm r-e-s-p-e-c-t we're gonna go walk around Hollywood and take pics of weirdos.
Come with us.
We're bringing a stick.
What for? To poke the weirdos.
So? Come with us? No, thanks.
Apparently, I'm not invited.
Oww, you poked me.
One weirdo down.
And a little a' dat.
And a dash a'dis.
A blob of red, a plop a' brown come on now, plop on in there.
Excuse me.
I'm trying to do my homework.
Well, try to keep it down, would ya? What are you even doing? There's like a billion in the sauces in the world, right? I haven't counted the sauce of the world.
Well, I am making the perfect sauce for any food.
Open your mouth.
I don't wanna.
Open.
Well? It's not a sauce for me.
Well, now I gotta go change shirts before I start to smell.
So I'll just Okay.
I know you guys told me that I should knock, but I got a situation so I forgot to knock.
Don't ask about his situation.
What's your situation? Geez.
Okay, so two nights ago I was playing in a poker game.
Now, try to picture this in your minds as I tell ya the story.
Sure.
Okay.
So I was at bots after hours and I was just about to win a big hand.
Hey, man.
Thanks again for lettin' us play here.
Just please don't tell my manager.
Ah, no worries.
So what do you do again? Me? I'm a spear fisherman.
I spear fish using this here spear gun.
That things not loaded, is it? Oh, oh, yeah.
It's loaded.
C'mon.
Who's in? Me.
I'm all in.
I'm out.
I'm Randy.
I'm gonna get more eggs.
Okay, spear fisherman.
This is for all the tuna.
Flush to the ten.
Ah, crabs.
I lost.
Owww, my eggs.
Okay, did the egg boy die? No.
Then be happy.
You won a lotta money.
I didn't win any money.
You said the spear fisherman guy bet all the tuna.
He did.
I thought he meant money, but he was betting actual fish.
Tuna fish? Yeah, he paid me with a 1200 pounds of tuna.
Y' know, I got the perfect sauce for tuna fish.
They aren't ready for sauce they're alive, swimming in a tank down at the Fisherman's wharf.
So just sell 'em to some tuna fish company.
You don't get it.
I don't want it.
They aren't normal tuna fish.
They're Kansas razor back tuna.
So what? People can't eat Kansas razor-back tuna? No, they taste terrible and they eat everything, even people.
Why would a tuna fish wanna eat me? I don't know, revenge? All right I wanna check out these vicious tuna.
Let's go.
I can't go.
Why not? I'm meeting a friend to work on a school project.
C'mon, let's go, after I change my shirt.
But I didn't like your sauce.
Ah, so what's your school project about? Oh, it's a Ding dong.
I'll grab it.
Hi.
Nice hair.
What are you? Jade.
What are you doing here? You said you wanted to work on our project.
At your house, not here.
Whatever.
Let's just go in No, you can't.
Okay, did you forget to take your special vitamins today? No.
Yes.
I better go take 'em now.
Now, just stay here and don't move.
I do what I want.
Okay, you wanna tell me what's going on? Don't you get it? Not really.
That is my friend Jade out there.
She's the second scariest girl I know.
Well, who's the scariest? Sam.
Oh, well have Sam and Jade ever met before? Hush up.
Jade and Sam can never meet.
They'd kill each other.
Dice, you ready? Ahhhh.
What? You, you can't go out there dressed like that.
You got, you got sauce all over your shirt.
I put on a different shirt.
Just a sec.
Whoops.
Okay did you forget to take your special vitamins today? Yes, you know what? I think I did.
Why don't you go to the drugstore and get me some more 'cause I must be runnin' out or something.
Uh, Cat.
What? I'm speaking.
There's a girl behind ya.
Hey.
Hey.
Heyyyyy.
I'm never that far no matter where you are believe it we can make it come true we'll do it our way no matter what they say 'cause no one's gonna do it for you but I I I'll never say never as long as we keep it together if you're living a dream and you know what it means then you can't let them change your mind it's the life that we choose and we still break the rules but it's all gonna be just fine (just fine) Yeah, we're all gonna be just fine you and me we're gonna be just fine um.
What happened? When did I go non-conscious? Yes.
Oh, no, you're not.
That's it.
No.
Yes.
Now, you gotta You wanna taste of that? Oh, my gosh.
Sam and Jade are gonna kill each other.
Sam and Jade are gonna kill each other.
Don't bleed on my bed.
Oh, yeah.
C'mon.
Bleed.
Ooooo.
Girls don't.
Oh, hey.
Oh, you regained consciousness.
Yeah I, I thought you guys were fighting.
Fighting? Why we would be fighting? Well, you're both anti-social misfits, filled with anger and rage.
Wait.
Is that why you haven't invited me over ever since you moved in? And why you never wanted me to meet her? Well, yeah.
What'd you think would happen? Murder.
Do you wanna murder me? Well, I no, I'm good.
So you two are really getting along, huh? Yeah.
Like we found out that we both laugh when children cry.
How can you not? I know.
Oh and we both hate people.
No, I hate 'em more.
I don't know.
Oh, dice is ready for us to head to the wharf check out his angry tuna fish.
Oh, have fun.
Hey, Jade, do wanna come with? Sure, why not.
No.
We still have a lotta work to do on our project for Sikowitz.
So? We can go check out the tuna and then later you can do all the work for both of us.
Ha, this chick's the best.
Let's hit that wharf.
To da wharf.
Wharf speed.
Ha, good one.
Okay, here I come.
A hundred and ten bucks a day.
Just to keep a few tuna fish here? That's right.
Ya got the tank fee, ya got the water rental, you got the tank rental, you got that water fee, you got state tax, city tax, rental tax, you got tank water fee rental tax, you got Take the money.
Ah, it smells like gross fish around here.
Sorry, it's the Oh, it's okay.
I love bad smells.
What the how come I'm the one who had to run behind the motorcycle? Well, 'cuz Sam said I could ride on the back.
But don't worry.
On the way home I'm gonna let Jade drive.
And Sam will ride on the back.
And then you can run behind us.
Thank you.
Will someone please help me with my tuna problem? Relax.
May we view the tuna? Yeah, they're right in there.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, nice grab.
Thanks.
I was gonna say nice grab.
Nice grab, Sam.
Thanks.
A Kansas razor back tuna.
Very cool.
Yeah, very cool.
Kansas, yeah.
That fish doesn't look so vicious.
Whoa.
Oh, geez.
Check this out.
Sandwich.
Oh.
Ah, that was the fishes.
You always keep a sandwich in your pocket? Try to.
What am I gonna do? Do you know how much money I'm gonna lose on these dumb fish? Hang on, hang on a sec.
How a, how big would you guys say this tank is? Uh, 'bout twenty-five feet.
Well I'd say it's about 21 feet.
Hey.
That tank is exactly 25 feet across.
So the redhead is wrong.
Hey, dice.
I think I might know how you can make some money off of these tuna fish.
What's ya thinking? Motorcycle jump? Motorcycle jump.
We put a ramp right here, we set one up over there.
We, we put some bleachers in the back here and then we charge people a bunch of money to watch someone jump the tuna.
That's crazy.
I love it.
It's perfect.
I'm on board.
Yeah.
But wait, who can we get to make the jump? Me.
For real? Awesome.
Well, no.
I am not gonna let you jump a motorcycle over a tank full of 1200 pounds of dangerous tuna fish from Nebraska.
From Kansas.
You're from Kansas.
It, it's fine.
I've made jumps almost that far before.
Over dangerous tuna? No.
Dude, you got Hey, hey.
What about the dirty skipper? Oh, yeah.
Who's the dirty skipper? He's a guy, like a professional daredevil and he'll jump a motorcycle over anything.
He's also filthy.
He's disgusting But he is awesome on a motorcycle.
All right, I'll try to book the dirty skipper.
Wanna get some food? I'm all over that.
Ooo, hey.
Wanna go to that new salad place? Ooo, hey, dice.
Have you heard of that new salad place, "lettuce have lunch"? Ah, later.
I gotta go book the dirty skipper.
Oh, okay.
Hey, guys.
So you wanna go to that new salad place, "lettuce have lunch"? We'll see ya there.
Hey, that new lunch place for salads is called "lettuce eat lunch.
" So you're wrong, again.
Aw, I love popping 'em.
Oh, here he comes.
Watch me mess with this robot.
Hello, you pressed your call button? Ah, yeah.
Can we please get some heshnermefffizin? Uh, appreciate it.
Uhhh, pardon? We just need some heshnermefffizin when you get a sec.
Searching the menu for heshnermefffizin.
Will you please just dwiggalarfin the zazzatwillenin? I, I cannot I do not understand, cannot process.
So it serves him right for trying to be helpful.
Thank you for killing my friend.
Uh, go sit at that table.
I got business.
Oh, hi.
Hey, what's up? Sup? What's sup is Looks like you guys forgot to invite me to your little get together.
No, we were just about to text you.
Yeah, well just about.
I also notice I wasn't invited to go with you guys to the movies last night either.
It was a horror movie.
You hate horror movies.
So? I hate spiders too, but if a spider was having a birthday party I could swing by for some cake.
Cat, wait.
Come back.
Hang out with us.
Sit down.
Oh, no thank you.
I'll be sitting elsewhere with dice and nona.
Jealous? Mm, should be.
Hang on.
I just got a text.
Having such a good time.
Oh, nice.
My assistant got in touch with the dirty skipper.
Dirty skipper? Ah, yeah.
I need him to jump some tuna fish.
Did I miss something? Probably.
What is the matter with you? Sam stole Jade from me.
Oh, c'mon.
I wouldn't say she stole Jade.
Well, I would.
'Cuz she did.
I wanted to hang out with them today.
Well, well, you got us to hang out with.
Oh, great.
Y'know where I come from, if someone steals one of your friends, you steal one of theirs.
But actually, I like that.
I should steal one of Sam's friends.
Yeah, but Sam's friends live in Seattle.
Yes, Seattle.
Seattle.
Seattle.
You getting an idea? No, just thought if I kept looking up and saying Seattle Seattle I might think of somethin'.
Why? Well, it's the first of the month.
And, uh, Jade said she might wanna go do and,some karaoke so I was thinking I'll meet up with her.
Ooooooo, karaoke, huh? What are ya gonna sing? Huh? A little song called "who needs Cat?" Would you like to come with us? No.
I have homework.
Your book is upside down.
I like it upside down.
Okaaaaay.
I'll show her who can steal a friend.
Sam's phone, Sam's phone, ah, Sam's phone.
Ah, contacts.
Abraham's fried chicken, Adam's ribs, Barney's bean barn.
Wow, a lotta restaurants.
Ooo, a person with a Seattle area code.
Oo, Sam.
Uh, yeah, hey Sam what's up? It's not Sam.
It's Cat, her roommate.
Oh.
Well, hi Cat.
Hi.
Is this, uh Benson comma Freddie? Yeah.
Okay, great and are you a good friend of Sam's? Yeah, sure.
You could say that.
Who are you talking to? Mom, please.
Are you staring Carly's door again? No.
She is in Italy and she will never love you.
Hello? Come to L.
A.
right now.
To, to L.
A.
? Yes.
Yes.
It stands for Los Angeles.
I know, but why do I need to come there? It's, uh, it's about Sam.
What'd she get arrested for this time? No, no, she was, she was run over by a A sports utility vehicle.
Wh Sam got run over? Yeah.
It's real bad.
You know, bleeding gums, fractured bones, broken buttocks.
You better get here fast.
Wh okay, okay.
I mean do you think she'll be all right? No more questions.
I have an itch.
That's not my responsibility.
Aaahhhh.
Yay, Freddie's here.
I'm coming.
Where is Sam? Oh, just Out with my friend Jade, probably shopping and trying on hats, just havin' a big old fun montage together.
Well, when's she comin' back? I got tuna fish trouble.
I thought you got the dirty skipper man to jump over 'em with a motorcycle.
He won't do it.
He said that Kansas razor-back tuna fish are too dangerous to jump over.
What am I gonna do? Hey, dice? Yeah? Get out.
Who's at the door? Freddie Benson.
Who's Freddie Benson? An astronaut.
Wait.
I wanna meet an astronaut.
Get away.
Hi.
Is, is Sam okay? Is she in the hospital? No, she's just in here.
Oh, thanks.
Sam? Sam, where are you? Sam? Oh, Sam's not here.
But, but Didn't you just say she was Well, aren't you a handsome boy, full of questions? Look, I'm really worried about my friend sa Handsome? Sure beans.
Well, thanks.
So you're Cat? Yeah, Cat Valentine.
Why? Do you like cats? Yeah.
But So, so you're Sam's roommate? Uh-huh.
The girl who called me last night? Yeah.
Yeah.
Did ya add me to your contacts? No.
Well there's time for that.
Look, I'm really worried about Sam.
Why? 'Cuz she got run over, apparently by a sport utility vehicle.
Says who? You.
Says you.
When? Last night.
You said that Sam has fractured bones, bleeding gums, and she broke her buttocks.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I, I am so sorry.
Why? 'Cuz I I've never said buttocks in front of a girl before.
Oh, it's okay.
Buttocks don't offend me.
Oh.
You wanna hang out with me today? Well, I, I mean if that's See, I don't, I I don't know what you mean.
You know, just me and you, couple a friends.
Hangin' Uff mi pie esta en fuego.
Ven pasa el dia conmigo.
Okay.
Let's go.
This is so weird.
I'm sorry, all tables are full.
Well, how long's the wait? The wait time is between ten and two hundred minutes.
I'll get us a table.
Um, this is our table.
Yeah.
Mm, leftover boy food.
I didn't say anything funny.
What the? No way.
What Cat? No, it's Just, just come with me.
Oh, oh, Freddie.
Ah, well looks who's here.
Sam.
There you are.
Hi.
What are you do she Happening here? I came down to L.
A.
'Cuz I thought you got run over by Oh, Freddie.
This is my friend Jade.
Jade, how cute is my new friend Freddie? Yeah.
He's a pretty little little chunk a' boy.
Well, this is awkward.
Your entire life is awkward.
You should be used to it by now.
She makes a good point.
When did you get here? This morning.
Yep.
Freddie and I have been hangin' out all day.
Wait.
So you've been here a whole day and you didn't call me or text me or buy me a present? I was gonna, but Ooo, Freddie, Freddie.
We're gonna be late for our tour.
What tour? I'm taking Freddie on a tour of all the Los Angeles freeways.
Yeah, we're gonna see the 101, the 10.
The 118, the 134.
The 405, which I hear is wide.
Mmmmm-hmmm.
When I have friends come to L.
A.
I like to take 'em on a tour of places where famous people died.
Or where I feel they will die.
Well, we don't wanna be late.
Yeah.
Uh, hey, you guys wanna come with us? Nope.
They're just fine.
Oh, okay.
Uh, well I'll meet you later.
Or not.
Can you believe Cat? Nah, for some reason she's always loved freeways.
No.
She's jealous 'cuz you and I have been hangin' out, so she called my friend Freddie and made him come to L.
A.
Just to bug me.
Well, where I come from, and that's a dark, dark place Yeah? We don't get mad at people.
We get even.
Actually, we get mad and then we get even.
And sometimes we smear fake blood on their front door in the middle of the night, but that seems extreme in this case.
So how can I get even with Cat for stealing my friend Freddie? I really don't wanna take sides.
C'mon.
Okay.
I am getting a strong feeling you and Freddie used to date.
I'm not proud of it.
Well, since Cat's running around with your ex-boyfriend Don't say it out loud.
You make a date with this guy.
His names Robbie and Cat's had a crush on him like forever.
Him? He's sort of a him.
So wait.
The iCarly web show couldn't start until you pointed at the girls? That's right.
I'd go in five, four, three, two You forgot the one.
No, see I, I intentionally don't say the one.
It's okay, Freddie.
Whenever I count I always forget three.
Nope, I, I didn't forget to say one.
I do it on purpose.
Shhhh.
What? Shhhh.
You're swell uh, that sounds like I think you're swell I think you're swell Robbie Shapiro.
Whoa.
Ah.
Oh, Cat.
You're back.
Uh, Robbie was just singing me a little song he wrote called I know what it's called.
He wrote that song for me.
Cat.
I'm swell, me.
He sang to me over a year ago.
Well, he's signin' it to me now.
My life really is awkward.
Robbie, I thought you and me had something special.
Well, it seems like you've got something special with a lotta fellas.
Tah, good one, glasses.
Why did you call Robbie and invite him here? Why did you call Freddie? Robbie is in love with me.
So? Freddie's in love with me.
Now wait a second.
If you're so in love with Sam then why have you been running around Los Angeles fadoodling with Cat? I haven't fadoodled with Cat.
You could've if ya wanted to.
Huh? How dare you.
You deserve this.
You probably do a lot of sit-ups.
Why are you mad at me? 'Cuz you came here to L.
A.
And all you care about is hangin' with Cat.
Uh, I came here because I thought you broke your buttocks.
Duh, I said buttocks in front of girls again.
Y'know, none of this woulda happened if you hadn't stolen my friend Jade.
Oh, what kinda friend are you, bringing Freddie here and flirting with him when you know he's the only guy I ever loved? What now? I'm exaggerating to make a point.
I don't understand any of this.
Well let me help you understand.
You and I are being used.
Really? Sam? Maybe I used you a little.
Well, hecks yeah.
Up to this point in my life my problem has been a lack of use.
So if I must be a pawn in the game of love then I say, play ball.
So you have no self-respect? Not a lick.
Okay, listen to this.
Ohhhh, lemme guess, dice.
You got a big problem, don't ya? I betcha ya got a big problem.
Yeah.
I got a biiiiig problem.
Wanna know why? 'Cuz I won twelve hundred pounds of tuna fish in a poker game.
I can't sell 'em and the dirty skipper won't jump 'em with his motorcycle even though I sold two hundred tickets.
That kid has amazing hair.
You texted me and said the dirty skipper was gonna jump the tuna.
Well he was 'til he went online and found out dangerous Kansas razor-back tuna fish are.
I'm in major trouble here.
No, you're not.
'Cuz I'm gonna jump the tuna.
Yes.
You promised me you wouldn't.
Oh, what do you care? You can't like me very much if you're gonna flirt with my ex-boyfriend right in front of my face.
Wh well you flirted with Robbie right in front of my face.
Oh, you mean like this? Mmmm, dat was some tasty Robbie.
Y'know what? Jump your stupid motorcycle over the tuna fish.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That sounds dangerous.
It is and I don't care what happens to you.
Oh, why don't you go check up on your new little girlfriend Cat? Dude I'll jump the tuna, but my bike's too heavy.
You find me a dirt bike.
Ah Four stroke one fifty.
You've got it.
I'm recording.
Would you mind saying, mmm, dat was some tasty Robbie again? Look, don't take this the wrong way, but you make me sick.
Did I miss anything? What is it, mom? How did you know I said buttocks? Nyehhhh.
I know what I did.
I take geometry.
You know I only like triangular pizza.
So why don't you ask your new best friends Jade and Robbie to cut the pizza for you from now on? All right, screwin' up my pizza is crossin' a line.
Sorry.
You mess with the Cat you get the whiskers.
Hey guys.
Ehhh.
Ehhhh what? Hey, Sam, come check out what I got ya? Yeah.
See? See? It's your jumpin' bike.
It says dirty Sam.
Well, it said dirty skipper, but when he backed out I had my painter change skipper to Sam.
Man, you couldna changed dirty to sweet mamma or somethin'? He charges me a buck a letter.
You're a cheap little skunk, aren't ya? Hey, um, so my lawyer wants you to initial these boxes and sign here.
You want me to sign a contract? I just need to be protected in case, y'know, in case your motorcycle jump is problematic.
Whatever.
Okay.
See it says, Sam agrees not to hold dice legally responsible if Sam crashes her motorcycle and her injuries result in the loss of her arms, legs, or head.
I accept that risk.
Stop it.
Just stop it.
You are not jumping over a bunch of dangerous tuna fish.
Who asked you? Go get everything ready.
You got it, dirty Sam.
And don't call me dir Oh, call me dirty Sam.
You are not gonna jump the tuna.
Oh, why aren't I? 'Cuz I'm not gonna let you do something stupid and get hurt.
Oh, I'm sorry, weren't you the one who said, "I don't care what happens to you?" Well yeah.
You stole my friend and then you kissed my kinda boyfriend Robbie on his pink pouty lips.
And then you said he was tasty.
I lied about the tasty.
I know.
I've kissed him.
Well, I promised dice and Sam Puckett does not go back on her word.
Somebody has to jump over those tuna on a motorcycle.
Fine.
I'll jump the tuna.
Ha, you couldn't jump over a can of tuna.
Now c'mon.
Help me find my motorcycle gloves.
I put 'em somewhere in the closet.
I'm not sure exactly where, but I think it's somewhere near the back so I'm gonna need your help, okay? Please.
Uh, Cat.
Hey.
Cat, open the door.
No, you're a crazy person.
Why are you doing this? 'Cuz I care about you even after what you did.
Come on.
I gotta jump the tuna.
Don't worry.
You will jump the tuna.
Everyone, please take your seats.
Dirty Sam is scheduled to jump the tuna in twenty minutes.
Okay, girls.
How many tickets? Uh, excuse me.
Spear fisherman comin' through, outta the way, outta the way.
Yeah, we would like to buy two tickets.
Uh, forty bucks.
Um, I assume that there is a discount for we spear fisherman.
Forty bucks.
C'mon.
Spear fisherman.
All right, how many tickets? Jade, hey, Jade.
There you are.
You remember Freddie.
Sorta.
Hello.
We've been hanging out all day.
Allll dayyy.
That's neat.
Did you know that if you merge my name with his name we're frobbie? Ooo, I better go get us tickets to watch the motorcycle jump.
Yeah, you better go.
Help me.
Hey, has anyone seen Sam? Hey, I have not seen Sam.
Cat, let me out.
I gotta be at the wharf in twenty minutes to jump the tuna.
And there's literally no food in this closet.
Cat, what are you doing? I'm wearing your silly suit and I'm gonna go jump the tuna fish.
Dude, you're gonna get hurt.
Well, and that's the price I'll have to pay for saving a friend from doing something stupid.
But you're doing something stupid.
It wouldn't be the first time.
True.
But wait, Dice sold tickets to people who think I'm gonna jump the tuna.
That's why I'm wearing your suit and helmet, so people will think I'm you.
Uh, we don't exactly have the same body.
Not yet.
Ah, yay, boo-soms.
All right.
I'll be back after the jump.
Aw, c'mon.
What am I supposed to eat in here? I'm sliding some pizzas under the door.
D'ahhh.
Rectangles.
D'ahhh, Cat, open the door.
Everyone, please take your seats.
I'm sorry, man, but you shoulda ordered your tickets ahead a' time.
Come on.
We're dying to see Sam jump the tuna.
I'm not.
Really? How come? 'Cuz I lo I really like Sam and I don't wanna see her get hurt.
Anyway, we're sold out.
Hey, those two guys can watch the jump from that camera lift right there.
You guys wanna watch Sam jump from up there? Ahhh, buena vista.
Oh, that will be fun.
Come along then, new friend Freddie.
Up, up, and hooray.
Dice? Cat? Anyone? I'm out of pizza.
All right, that tears it.
Yyyyaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.
Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Oh,.
I'm going to see my granddaughter's roommate jump the tuna.
Well, hello Jade.
Nona.
How's Beck, that handsome boyfriend of yours? Are you two still bf and gf? Uh-huh.
Oh, You know, I used to date a man whose last name was Beck.
Mmm.
Otis Beck.
Oh, he was a jazz musician from new Orleans.
You should of heard him blow that horn.
It sounded like a dozen angels from heaven came down Oh.
Hello, boy.
You like jazz? Jazz.
Jazz.
Jazz.
Whoa.
This might be the popcorn talking, but I feel like I'm the king of the worm.
Ooo, and here she comes.
Give it up for dirty Sam Puckett.
Ah, ah, how do I stop this? Oh, aahh.
Oh, what are you doing? Ah, look at her go.
How do I stop it? Where's the stopper? Why is she chasing a man with buckets? No, outta the way.
I don't know, fella.
I'm sorry.
No, no.
Ah, man, I need a rack a' ribs.
I gotta stop Cat.
Yes, yes.
I'm Sam.
I like food and motorcycles.
Okay, well, jump good.
Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for those words.
Okay, drum roll.
Okay.
I can do this.
I'm a person.
Trust the force.
In five, in five, four, three, two, you forgot the one.
It was intentional.
Go Sam.
Cat, no.
I'm gone.
Cat.
Here she comes.
She's gonna Oh.
Whoa, aaaahhhh.
I can feel the fish biting.
Cat, get up.
Are you okay? I think so.
Uh, dude, why did you do that? You don't know how to ride a motorcycle.
To protect you.
Kid.
Did I jump over the tuna fish? Um, sorta.
He's got my face.
Who are those boys in the water? There's a fish.
I know.
That's frobbie.
Somebody rescue Frobbie.
Please, don't call us that.
Oh, Freddie's in trouble.
Sam don't.
I'm saving your life.
Hey, you're touching my buttocks.
Ah, I said buttocks again.
Uh, why Why did I come to Los Angeles? Sam, who's gonna save Robbie? Apparently, nobody's gonna save Robbie.
Well, fine.
I'll save him.
Cat, no, no.
That's a Well, I guess we don't get to see a motorcycle jump the tuna.
Yeah, but I'm satisfied because someone got hurt.
That is wicked true.
I'm a spear fisherman.
Y'know, Freddie's nice, but he's too much of a techie, nerdy type for me.
Yeah, and, y'know, Robbie, not my cut a' beef.
Mmm.
Um, could you guys not talk about that right in front of us? Man, itsafitnahaha.
Oh, sorry.
We'll go out in the hall and talk about you guys behind your backs.
Thank you.
Oh, hey Benson? Mmm.
When your face heals up and you can chew again Let's you and me go grab some dinner and have some fun.
Ahhhh.
By the way, I took eighty bucks outta your wallet.
Hmmmrrrrrmmmmm.
Cat, when my wounds heal, maybe you and I could hang out, just the two of us.
Would there be meatballs? There would.
Kay kay.
Well, Mr.
Benson.
Mmm? I know what might cheer a Freddie up.
Hrrrmmmm.
I'm still a little bit sore, but, uh, I think I can manage to finger some strings.
Mmmnnn.
I think you're swe Eh-eh-eh-el Mmmnnn.
You're swell You're the nugget to my chicken the peanut to my butter adding fiber to our diets beneficial for each other you're a piece of dental floss and I am the teeth you're Aretha Franklin I'm r-e-s-p-e-c-t we're gonna go walk around Hollywood and take pics of weirdos.
Come with us.
We're bringing a stick.
What for? To poke the weirdos.
So? Come with us? No, thanks.
Apparently, I'm not invited.
Oww, you poked me.
One weirdo down.