The Haunted Hathaways (2013) s01e23 Episode Script

Uh-oh.
It's that cranky delivery guy.
You want me to haunt him out of here? No! He's dropping off my exploding head magic trick.
Don't little girls play with stickers anymore? Special delivery for Francesca Hathaway.
A mint? That's your tip? Consider it more of a recommendation.
Recommend this.
(Whimpers) All right, Ray.
He's all yours.
Every time I come in here! (Screams) Huge news, y'all.
Guess which talented ghost might become the newest member of the most exclusive scare club in ghost world.
Me! I'm being considered for the Boo Crew.
What's the Boo Crew? It's a club for ghost boys.
It's a big honor to be asked to join.
Yes, father.
That it is.
And the guys are coming over this afternoon to see if I'm Boo Crew material.
They only accept the best of the best.
So why are they considering you? I did not just hear that.
I said, "so why are they" Anyway, this meeting's important.
That means no Hathaways in the attic.
If the boys knew I live with you people, I'd never make Boo Crew.
Don't worry, Louie.
We won't interrupt your little meeting.
Good.
'Cause once the L-train joins the club, we'll be the baddest, scariest haunting crew around.
Mm.
Just wanted to get this out of my system good to go now.
(Spooky rock music) Don't know how we ended up this way But I guess you could call us The haunted Hathaways Are you reading this? Deana is thinking about breaking up with Zack, but she hasn't told him yet.
What? Deana can't do that! Zack's already rented his tux for the big dance.
Not now.
Shoo! Shoo! Oh, sorry, it's this pesky fly.
He won't mind his own business.
Shoo! "Pesky fly?" I'll show you a pesky fly.
(Buzzes) Hey, tay, what's the buzz? Is this dizztracting? Stop it! Stop it! Uh (Chuckles) This fly is driving me crazy.
Let's go somewhere elzzz.
Else.
Hmm.
That's strange.
Ow! Whiplash! Concussion! Emotional distress! Oh, my gosh! Sir, are you okay? Did you not hear the words "whiplash, concussion, and emotional distress"? I slipped on this spilled lemonade.
Just stay still.
I will call for help.
Help! You're the one who's gonna need help when I sue you.
I'll own this entire building by the time I'm done.
I'll see you in court.
Oh.
Ow! Oh, this is bad.
This is really bad.
Michelle, don't worry.
He faked it.
That guy's a total scam artist.
A scam artist? Are you sure? He was wearing a suit.
I saw the whole thing.
Then that's great.
When he takes me to court, you can tell the judge that Oh, wait, you're a ghost.
I'm a ghost.
What am I gonna do? I can't lose the bakery.
I've worked so hard to make this a welcoming family business.
- Excuse me - Not now! I am in the middle of a crisis.
(Baby cries) I cannot hear myself think! So me and the boys, we were at the park, and Reggie here creates a bigfoot illusion.
People freaked.
Reggie, show him.
(Screams) Is what those silly people probably said, right? I been working on a little something of my own.
Check this out.
(Roars) That, too, was impressive.
So, Preston, you're up.
Let's see what you got.
Sure.
Let's see.
Just do something cool.
Okay, well, that narrows it down.
Awesome! You should punt it.
All: Punt it! Punt it! Punt it! - Punt it! Punt it! - Okay.
Heads up.
Woo-hoo! Yes! Should have worn a helmet.
(Roaring in distance) (Sighs) Yes, big gert.
I can hear the fun.
Oh, man.
We are laughing our heads off.
(Chuckles) Get it? Guess you had to be there.
Well, I'm not too busy right now.
So if you're inviting me to come join No way.
"A," you're not a ghost.
"B," you're not a boy.
And "C," refer to "A" and "B"! Man, I wish I could see what's going on up there, but we promised not too.
What's that? (As gert) We never promised not to go up there, Frankie.
Mother did, not us.
Why should mother always get her way? (Normal voice) Okay, this is getting creepy.
You know, I was worried about testifying in court, but then I remembered, I'm a natural performer.
You've never performed in anything.
Mm, someone's forgetting my stint as "woman number three" in that Canadian skin rash infomercial.
Use only as directed.
That was Yeah, you know, why don't we do a little mock trial just to be safe? Okay, apparently I'm the judge.
(Chuckles) This is so cute.
Silence! (Gavel bangs) Order in the court! (Crunch) Uh, somebody broke your watch.
Bring in the jury.
Well, this is definitely a jury of my good looking peers.
How you doing, handsome? (Gavel bangs) And who's questioning the witness? That'd be me, your honor.
Miles Preston, esquire, at your service.
Will the witness please state her name for the record? Michelle Barbarella Hathaway.
Barbarella? (Laughter) Objection, your honor! I'll allow it.
It's hilarious.
My, my.
Sure is a hot one in n'awlins.
Air's as thick as the sweet scent of honeysuckle on a vine.
Reminds me of a certain time of evening in '09 when the fireflies lit the sky like the fourth of July.
Objection.
I'm confused.
You know what else is confusing? Your story.
My story? But I haven't told my story.
Why? 'Cause you hadn't had time to make it up? (All gasp) What? N-no! No, no, no.
I haven't made anything up yet.
I mean No, no, no.
No, no.
Not Not "not yet.
" I mean, wh I mean Fine! I did it! Take erything! Barbarella's going to the big house! Look, Louie's not only a great ghost, he's hilarious too.
What? Oh.
Yup.
That's me.
Total crack up.
(Laughs) So am I in? We need to huddle.
What's up, fellas? Room for one more ghost boy? What are we talking about? Burps? Boogers? Because I got both.
(Chuckles) What are you doing here? The name's Frank.
I'm a friend of Louie's.
I just snapped in from New York, and boy are my fingers tired.
Tough crowd.
No one crashes a boo crew meeting, Frank.
Uh, please excuse my buddy here.
He's a very confused little Boy? Well, if he wants to stay, he has to prove he's a worthy ghost.
You wanna see worthy? Watch this.
(Fireworks pop) I call it my exploding head trick.
We need to huddle.
What do you think you're doing? You're gonna blow this for me.
Relax.
They suspect nothing.
Preston, get over here.
Welcome to Boo Crew! I'm in? Yes! Greatest day ever! Oh, and one other thing.
Frank, you're in too.
Yes! No body could be happier than me right now.
Later, Billy, Reggie, Stinky Pete.
I'd come with you, but I noticed a little stubble.
I'm gonna hang back and shave the old 'stache.
Bye, guys.
Thanks again.
Take care now.
What have you done? You guys were punting a ghost head.
What was I supposed to do? Not dress up like a boy and come up here? Was that a real question? Looks like someone needs to sing the Boo Crew anthem.
We're a merry band of scary Enough! Look, if you stick around, they'll eventually realize you're not a ghost and I'll be kicked out.
Easy, Louie.
Don't get all bent out of shape.
I can't help it.
I really want this.
Fine.
I'll drop out.
Thank you.
You have no idea how to get yourself back to normal, do you? Not a clue.
Is the big faker here yet? Just walked in.
Mom is gonna be a disaster on the witness stand so our only shot at winning is proving this guy is not really injured.
Hmm, what's in the bag? I went downtown and got this hightech hidden camera to catch him in the act.
Oh.
(Chuckles) Eh That's your high-tech hidden camera? Yes, that's my hightech hidden camera.
Just need a place to plug it in.
Mm.
Mr.
Conrad.
Thank you so much for coming.
- I'm sure - Zip it! The only thing that's gonna save your bakery is cash.
Or fancy teacups.
I'm a collector.
Just forget it.
I want cash.
Before we talk numbers or teacups, how about some oven-fresh cookies and a glass of frosty, cold milk? I can't possibly reach for the cookies.
Broken arms, remember? Of course.
Just one thing though.
If you have broken arms, explain this! You were supposed to catch that.
I'll add "attacked by fruit" to my claim.
Sorry.
I didn't mean to Think fast! I'm on to your little game, missy.
Oops.
Your spy camera.
Too bad you won't be getting this on tape.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, I'll take some.
See ya in court.
(Giggles) I hate that guy.
Now it's just our word against his.
Yeah, words aren't always convincing.
But video is.
Boom! (Chuckles) I got the whole thing on Michelle's phone.
Yes! Told you my plan would work.
Hey, Louie.
Go away.
The Boo Crew will be here any minute.
They're presenting me with my club jacket.
Cool.
I thought I could show you how to do my exploding head trick.
I don't need some mail-order magic trick to blow fireworks out of my neck.
Observe.
(Flatulence) Please go.
Guys! What's up? Whew, that is the last time I eat El ghosto Loco.
Check it out.
Pretty sweet, huh? (Gasps) It's the most beautiful thing I've ever What's that? Oh, we brought Frank's too.
Where is he? - I sent him away.
- What? You can't decide who's in the club.
Besides, Frank is awesome.
Let's go find him.
No! I'll get him.
You wait here.
I'll take that.
- Uh-uh.
Not until you get Frank.
Be right back.
(Flatulence) That wasn't me.
Look at him.
All smug with his stupid, fake broken arms.
Thinks he's gonna intimidate me in court.
You do realize I can hear everything you're saying.
No, I did not realize that.
Mom, just relax, tell the truth, and present your evidence.
Don't worry.
I got this.
Pressure is my middle name.
Well, it's better than Barbarella.
All rise.
The honorable Susan Smiley presiding.
(Sighs) Conrad versus Pie Squared Bakery? Hi-sies.
Pies are all squared.
But it But it's also a math term, so (Stammers) I can't take this.
I confess! And when I was eight I stole a dollar from my nonnie's handbag! I'm a monster! She actually held it together longer than I thought she would.
Come on, big gert, it's been ten minutes since my move.
Always with the head games.
Change of plans.
I need you back upstairs.
They won't give me my Boo Crew jacket until I get Frank back.
Oh, so now you need me in your club? I don't know, I'm pretty busy.
(Yawns) Can we skip the part where you give me a hard time and jump to where you make me do something stupid so you'll help? Louie, I would never be so petty that I'd use this moment to humiliate you.
Really? Thanks.
Big Gert, however is not as nice.
(As Gert) You wanna borrow my boy wig? I'm gonna need a little sugar.
Twisted little girl.
And I have lived every day of my life ashamed of what I did that night.
Miss Hathaway, I'm not interested that in fifth grade you peeked at your presents on Christmas Eve.
Permission to approach my mom? If it'll get her to shut up.
Mom, just pull it together and show the judge the video on your phone.
Oh, right.
Your honor, I have evidence that proves this man is a faker.
You're going down, sucker.
Use only as directed, eh? This is you talking about a skin rash.
Ah, my Canadian infomercial.
One take.
Oh, uh, okay.
Where are you? Where are Oh, here we go.
And - All videos deleted.
Deleted? I did not just do that.
Okay, we're done.
Unless you can provide any credible evidence, I'm ready to rule in favor of Mr.
Conrad.
We can't let this pesky jerk take the bakery.
Pesky.
That's it! Dad, fly with me.
(Buzzes) Hi, Conrad.
Nobody likes liarzzz.
Who said that? The fly that's gonna lay eggs in your ears.
Mr.
Conrad, is there a problem? Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
Tell her, Conrad.
Tell her the truth.
Or face the music.
(Screams) Get away! Stop it! (Screams) Look at that! It's a miracle! I'm healed! (Screams) Okay, now I'm really hurt.
I'm suing this court.
Good luck with that.
Case dismissed.
- Oh, yes.
- Bless you, lady justice.
You may be blind, but you see truth.
To quote my world-famous dandruff commercial, "freedom is just a" Get her out of here! On it.
Look who I found.
Okay, jacket me.
Frank, glad you're back.
Let's begin.
Initiation into our ranks is a solemn affair.
Louie Preston, step forward.
(Gibberish) All: Boo crew rules! Here's your jacket.
My name is on the Boo Crew jacket.
Keep it together, man.
Frank, step forward.
Listen, guys, before you begin, I have something to tell (Gibberish) All: Boo crew rules! (All gasp) Uh-oh.
That ghost jacket went right through you.
You're a Not ghost! Yeah.
Is there something about that in the bylaws? 'Cause (All hiss) Louie! You brought a human into this club? I, uh The thing is We're gonna need your jacket back.
Wait.
Louie didn't know.
I tricked him into thinking I was a ghost just like I tricked you guys.
This is all my fault, not his.
It's true.
I trust too much.
Okay.
Louie stays.
But, Frank, you better get out of here! Go on! Get out of here! You're not worthy! Hey! Easy, Billy.
A minute ago, you thought Frank was awesome.
Just because he's a little different A little? He's human.
So he's not perfect.
Who here is? Reggie, you're afraid of the dark.
And stinky Pete, you smell Really, really bad.
(Overlapping agreement) And Billy - What? - Uh, you're all good.
Preston, the most important part about being in Boo Crew is standing by your friends.
That's what I'm doing.
Frank's my bud.
A human boy In Boo Crew? Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.
Frank, you're back in.
Are you serious? Yes! This is so awesome! (All gasp) He's a girl! All: Eww! Um, let's not forget Louie's wise words about acceptance.
Uh, mmm, I am dumbfounded and horrified by this shocking revelation.
As to you, madame, I say good day - Louie - I say good day! Fine.
I'll go.
Boo! (All scream) Pssh! Too easy.
(Laughter) She scared me.
"I pretended to eat my broccoli, but fed it to the dogs!" (Fake sobs) "Once, I found a quarter on the ground "and I didn't look for the owner.
I'm a monster!" (Laughs) Barbarella.
(Laughter) Keep it up, guys.
I'd like to see you stand up to that horrible judge smiley.
Ugh! That woman was an ogre.
- Hello.
- Oh! Ah! I have a coupon for a free muffin.
I'm guessing that's to go.