The Looney Tunes Show s01e23 Episode Script
The Float
- Am I good? Is it clear? - I can't tell.
- I'm clear.
[Horns honking.]
- Not clear.
- Oh! What's that idiot doing in my blind spot? - Everyone's in your blind spot.
This car is nothing but blind spots.
- It's not a car.
It's a parade float.
Now am I clear? - I don't know.
All I see is a giant foot.
- It's not a giant foot.
It's a giant flipper.
That's it.
I'm going for it.
[Tires screech.]
[Horn honks.]
[Screaming.]
Great.
Now we have to go to the car wash.
- Oh, no.
I'm getting out here.
- What are you, crazy? You're on the side of a freeway! It's dangerous! - Not as dangerous as riding in that thing.
- Suit yourself.
[Creaking and squishing.]
Am I clear? I'm going for it! - [Tires screech.]
- [Horns honk.]
Season 1 Episode 23 "The Float" November 22, 2011 on Cartoon Network - Look! There goes our car.
Is that a parade float? - It's not a parade float.
It's my parade float.
- Papier-mâché, yes.
- What will happen when it gets wet? It's gonna to get wet? [Buzzing.]
Turn off the water! Turn off the water! Turn off the water! [Whirring.]
[Screaming.]
Stop! Turn off the water! Turn off the water! [Buzzes.]
[Grunts.]
Aah! Eek! Ooh! [Grunting.]
[Whirring.]
[Grunting.]
[Grunting.]
[Grunting.]
[Air gusting.]
[Whimpers.]
[Door open.]
My eye! My eye! Oh, my eye! - Daffy? Don't move! I'm getting the first aid kit! - Oh, no! [Sobbing.]
Let me see your eye! - It's all that's left.
My beautiful parade float is gone! We--we never even got to be in a parade! - You going to be OK? [Door shuts.]
He'll be ok.
Probably just needs a little time.
[Crying.]
[Crying continues.]
[Crying continues.]
[Crying continues.]
[Crying continues.]
[Sobbing.]
Maybe that's enough time.
[Crying.]
Daffy? - [Gasps.]
- Bugs! I knew it! I knew you'd come through for me.
I knew if I stayed in here long enough and sobbed loud enough, you'd make me another parade float.
It wasn't easy.
There were days when I wanted to give up, When I wanted to come out of my room, maybe take a shower.
But I persevered.
I stayed in my room, And I sobbed even louder, because I knew that you needed that time and that motivation, and I was right.
Thank you, brother.
So, where is it? Where's my new beautiful parade float? - I didn't make you a parade float.
- I'm fine.
I'm disappointed, but I'm fine.
- Why can't you just drive a normal car? - Normal cars are for normal people.
I'm not normal! - I'll give you that.
- You're my best friend.
You know me better than anyone.
You see what a horrible person I am.
That's why I have to drive a parade float to distract the rest of the world from seeing it! - You're going to need something better than a parade float.
- Better than a parade float? Better than a parade float I'll take it.
Not since my parade float have I felt that a vehicle so expressed my essence.
How much? - 375,000.
- Dollars? - Yes.
- American dollars? - I'm not giving you $375,000 for a yacht.
- But you're my best friend.
That's what best friends do.
- No, they don't.
[Distant dog barks.]
- Fair enough.
Will you give me $375,000, which I will donate to the charity of my choice? - Daffy, no one's going to give you $375,000.
- [Stammering.]
Of course I'll give you $375,000.
- I knew I could count on you, Porky.
- You poor thing.
I didn't even know you were sick.
But when's the operation? - Tonight, so let's wrap this up.
- Can I ask why you didn't go to Bugs for the money? - Because you're my best friend.
I know that I can ask you for anything, Just as you know that you can ask me for anything.
- Could you turn on that lamp for me? I can't see the combination.
Do it yourself.
[Clicks and clanks.]
- Here you go.
[Sniffs.]
- This is only $350,000.
- But it's all I have.
- Porky, you are making this very hard for me.
Do you think I like having to come to my best friend for money? Can you imagine what this is like for me, How awkward this is? What's that in the back of the safe? A gold watch? - But that was my great-grandfather's.
- "Randall Pig".
It's engraved?! That's going to kill its resale value.
I'm going to need more than this.
Give me your debit card.
- But that's the money I live on.
- Porky, I can't sit here and argue with you.
The surgery's, like, in 10 minutes.
- You're right.
Take the debit card.
- "Take the debit card" what? - Take the debit card, please? - Fine.
As a favor to you, I'll take the debit card.
What is this, wool? All right.
I guess I'll take the coat, too.
Maybe I can get a couple of bits for this.
- [Door opens and shuts.]
- Feel better! Wait a second.
Now, how am I going to live? [Seagulls crying.]
- Whoo-hoo! I'm free! I've never felt so alive! The high seas, the wind in my hair, the salt on my skin! I am a sailor! I am sailing! What an unbelievable rush! Whoo-hoo! [Shivering.]
- Porky? What are you doing? - Eating garbage.
- Is that something you've always done, or is that a new thing? - Are you going to finish that? - I tried calling you, but your phone's been disconnected.
Why is it so dark in here, and cold? - I couldn't pay my bills.
- Why not? - I gave all my money to Daffy.
- Why would you give all your money to Daffy?! - For his kidney transplant.
Do you know how he's doing? Let's go find out.
- Ahh.
I should have bought a yacht with Porky's money years ago.
Nice boat.
- She's a real beauty, isn't she? The Queen of the Ocean.
That's why I named her that.
A fitting name for the successor to my parade float.
Which by way was also named "Queen of the Ocean.
" - How's the kidney? - Kidney? [Laughs.]
Oh, I just told Porky that so he'd give me the money for the yacht.
[Screaming.]
[Both grunting.]
Mmm.
Good shrimp.
- You like antiques, I like free markets.
- You like cheese, but I like chocolates.
- I know one way we can solve this.
- It's called fondue, it has both - I like ficus, you like ferns - We put them in matching urns - And the silly thing we learned - Is now they're friends - Those plants are friends - You like red, and I like blue.
You like me, and I like you.
There's nothing else to do but be best friends We're best friends, We're best friends, we're best friends Our friendship will never end If we were divers, we'd get the bends We're such deep friends Sometimes, we disagree We must monitor our chi and realign our energy We are best friends [Vocalizing.]
- Dance break! - Splendid! After you! - Oh, no, I insist, you're a much better dancer.
- Oh, you flatter me.
- Not at all.
- OK, dance break's over.
- Never mind.
- You like toning up your lats.
- I like wearing my new spats - It don't get no better than that - When you're best friends, you're best friends - You like gray and I like beige - Luckily for us, there's graige - Which is a lovely combina-tion Of gray and beige You like designer boots - I like velvet warm-up suits - In that way, we're in cahoots - We're best friends, we're best friends.
- You like red, and I like blue You like me, and I like you.
There's nothing else to do but be best friends Be best friends [Vocalizing.]
We are best friends.
[Grunting.]
Yeow! Ooh [Grunts.]
- Wait! That's a Tiffany lamp.
- [Stammering.]
But you bought with my money! [Grunts.]
- Aah! - How could you lie to me?! - I'm sorry.
I thought if I told you what the money was for, you wouldn't give it to me.
- I wouldn't have! - You just proved my point.
How am I the bad guy here? [Both grunting.]
- OK.
I've had enough.
Well, maybe just one more.
[Grunting continues.]
All right.
Break it up.
- [Grunting.]
- [Panting.]
- Here's what we're going to do.
Daffy, you're going to sell this thing and give Porky his money back.
- Are you crazy? I already lost my parade float! I'm not about to lose my yacht.
[Sighs.]
- Well, you're about to lose a friend.
- Yeah, but those are easy to get when you have a yacht.
- Uh, guys? - Where's the dock? But that's impossible.
I tied a shank knot to this cleat, Tied a sheepshead knot here, A double rolling hitch here, A simple yet elegant bow here.
And a square knot here.
- Uh-huh.
And what kind of knot did you tie to the dock? [Vocalizing.]
[Sucks in breath.]
- [Cries.]
What are we going to do?! We're stranded in the middle of the ocean! [Sobs.]
I always knew I'd die this way! - All right.
Let's not panic.
We'll just put up the sail and sail back.
[Squawking.]
Where's the sail? - I didn't get one.
- What?! - I didn't have enough money.
I was forced to choose between a sail and this jacuzzi.
So if anyone's to blame, it's Porky.
- I gave you everything I had.
I'm completely broke! - The fact that you're not more financially successful is not my fault.
- [Grunts.]
- What? Is it me? It's him, right? - We'll just radio the coast guard for help.
- Nope.
No radio.
- What?! - There wasn't enough money, Not after I got the second jacuzzi.
[Motor whirring.]
I have an idea.
Let's all take a long, hot soak in the jacuzzi.
It will relax us.
Which will allow us to think of a way out of our predicament.
I'll take the master jacuzzi.
You two take that one.
Ha.
Ah! Ooh! [Grunting.]
Ahh.
Ahh.
[Metal clinks.]
I think I have our answer.
Porky should swim back and get help.
Off you go, Porky.
- Hey, what are you doing? Stop! What do you think you're doing? - No one's swimming anywhere.
We're sailing back.
- Where'd you get a sail? - It's your bedsheets.
- What?! Those are 1,500 thread count Egyptian cotton! Do you know how much these sheets cost? More than lifejackets! That's why there are no lifejackets on board! Well, that, and they make you look stupid.
Aah! [Grunts.]
- He's unconscious! What should we do? - Psst.
Porky.
Untie me.
- I can't.
I'm under direct orders not to.
You know, Porky, being out here in the middle of the ocean has really made me reevaluate some things.
I see now that it's not money or things that matter.
It's friends, best friends.
And you, Porky Pig, you are my best friend.
- Do you really mean it? - Have you ever known me to lie? - Yes.
You lied about needing a kidney transplant.
- That's in the past.
Now, please, untie me So I can give my best friend a great big hug.
You won't regret this.
- Huh? - Now, go swim and get help.
Aah! - Porky! - Well, I guess it's just me now.
All alone on a yacht, stranded in the middle of the ocean with no lifejackets and no idea how to sail.
Bugs! Porky! Wait for me! [Gasps.]
These are coming with me.
Mmm.
It's like being caressed by an angel.
I regret nothing! Except not buying those lifejackets! [Gasps.]
It was a dream.
It was all a dream.
That explains why I was such a horrible person and did all those horrible things.
- Ehh Not a dream.
You are a horrible person, and you did do those horrible things.
- Then what happened? - We were picked up by a passing ship.
You nearly drowned in your stupid bedsheets.
- What about "The Queen of the Ocean"? Did she survive? - Yeah.
It was towed back to shore.
- [Gasps.]
Oh, thank goodness! It is things that matter! This proves it! - We sold it and got Porky's money back.
Ohh! [Cries.]
- I have good news and bad news.
The good news is there's no complications from the near drowning.
The bad news is we ran some tests, And it looks like you're going to need A kidney transplant.
- Huh.
Ironic.
How much does one of those cost? - I don't know.
About $375,000.
But I'm sure you have insurance.
[Sucks in breath.]
Well, I may not have insurance, But at least I have a best friend.
Right, Bugs and/or Porky? - I see you've decided to rebuild your parade float.
- Well, I couldn't ask my best friend to do it.
Not after you paid for my kidney transplant.
- Don't mention it.
Shame they couldn't also throw in a brain transplant.
- I won't forget this! It was a tremendous act of generosity, and I shall forever be in your debt.
- [Stammering.]
Uh, Daffy.
Can I take a break? I'm still not feeling - Oh, here we go.
How many times are you going to throw it in my face That you gave me your kidney? You still have the other one! - I got to get a new best friend.
[WB shield open.]
Psst.
Hey.
You wanna buy a watch?
- I'm clear.
[Horns honking.]
- Not clear.
- Oh! What's that idiot doing in my blind spot? - Everyone's in your blind spot.
This car is nothing but blind spots.
- It's not a car.
It's a parade float.
Now am I clear? - I don't know.
All I see is a giant foot.
- It's not a giant foot.
It's a giant flipper.
That's it.
I'm going for it.
[Tires screech.]
[Horn honks.]
[Screaming.]
Great.
Now we have to go to the car wash.
- Oh, no.
I'm getting out here.
- What are you, crazy? You're on the side of a freeway! It's dangerous! - Not as dangerous as riding in that thing.
- Suit yourself.
[Creaking and squishing.]
Am I clear? I'm going for it! - [Tires screech.]
- [Horns honk.]
Season 1 Episode 23 "The Float" November 22, 2011 on Cartoon Network - Look! There goes our car.
Is that a parade float? - It's not a parade float.
It's my parade float.
- Papier-mâché, yes.
- What will happen when it gets wet? It's gonna to get wet? [Buzzing.]
Turn off the water! Turn off the water! Turn off the water! [Whirring.]
[Screaming.]
Stop! Turn off the water! Turn off the water! [Buzzes.]
[Grunts.]
Aah! Eek! Ooh! [Grunting.]
[Whirring.]
[Grunting.]
[Grunting.]
[Grunting.]
[Air gusting.]
[Whimpers.]
[Door open.]
My eye! My eye! Oh, my eye! - Daffy? Don't move! I'm getting the first aid kit! - Oh, no! [Sobbing.]
Let me see your eye! - It's all that's left.
My beautiful parade float is gone! We--we never even got to be in a parade! - You going to be OK? [Door shuts.]
He'll be ok.
Probably just needs a little time.
[Crying.]
[Crying continues.]
[Crying continues.]
[Crying continues.]
[Crying continues.]
[Sobbing.]
Maybe that's enough time.
[Crying.]
Daffy? - [Gasps.]
- Bugs! I knew it! I knew you'd come through for me.
I knew if I stayed in here long enough and sobbed loud enough, you'd make me another parade float.
It wasn't easy.
There were days when I wanted to give up, When I wanted to come out of my room, maybe take a shower.
But I persevered.
I stayed in my room, And I sobbed even louder, because I knew that you needed that time and that motivation, and I was right.
Thank you, brother.
So, where is it? Where's my new beautiful parade float? - I didn't make you a parade float.
- I'm fine.
I'm disappointed, but I'm fine.
- Why can't you just drive a normal car? - Normal cars are for normal people.
I'm not normal! - I'll give you that.
- You're my best friend.
You know me better than anyone.
You see what a horrible person I am.
That's why I have to drive a parade float to distract the rest of the world from seeing it! - You're going to need something better than a parade float.
- Better than a parade float? Better than a parade float I'll take it.
Not since my parade float have I felt that a vehicle so expressed my essence.
How much? - 375,000.
- Dollars? - Yes.
- American dollars? - I'm not giving you $375,000 for a yacht.
- But you're my best friend.
That's what best friends do.
- No, they don't.
[Distant dog barks.]
- Fair enough.
Will you give me $375,000, which I will donate to the charity of my choice? - Daffy, no one's going to give you $375,000.
- [Stammering.]
Of course I'll give you $375,000.
- I knew I could count on you, Porky.
- You poor thing.
I didn't even know you were sick.
But when's the operation? - Tonight, so let's wrap this up.
- Can I ask why you didn't go to Bugs for the money? - Because you're my best friend.
I know that I can ask you for anything, Just as you know that you can ask me for anything.
- Could you turn on that lamp for me? I can't see the combination.
Do it yourself.
[Clicks and clanks.]
- Here you go.
[Sniffs.]
- This is only $350,000.
- But it's all I have.
- Porky, you are making this very hard for me.
Do you think I like having to come to my best friend for money? Can you imagine what this is like for me, How awkward this is? What's that in the back of the safe? A gold watch? - But that was my great-grandfather's.
- "Randall Pig".
It's engraved?! That's going to kill its resale value.
I'm going to need more than this.
Give me your debit card.
- But that's the money I live on.
- Porky, I can't sit here and argue with you.
The surgery's, like, in 10 minutes.
- You're right.
Take the debit card.
- "Take the debit card" what? - Take the debit card, please? - Fine.
As a favor to you, I'll take the debit card.
What is this, wool? All right.
I guess I'll take the coat, too.
Maybe I can get a couple of bits for this.
- [Door opens and shuts.]
- Feel better! Wait a second.
Now, how am I going to live? [Seagulls crying.]
- Whoo-hoo! I'm free! I've never felt so alive! The high seas, the wind in my hair, the salt on my skin! I am a sailor! I am sailing! What an unbelievable rush! Whoo-hoo! [Shivering.]
- Porky? What are you doing? - Eating garbage.
- Is that something you've always done, or is that a new thing? - Are you going to finish that? - I tried calling you, but your phone's been disconnected.
Why is it so dark in here, and cold? - I couldn't pay my bills.
- Why not? - I gave all my money to Daffy.
- Why would you give all your money to Daffy?! - For his kidney transplant.
Do you know how he's doing? Let's go find out.
- Ahh.
I should have bought a yacht with Porky's money years ago.
Nice boat.
- She's a real beauty, isn't she? The Queen of the Ocean.
That's why I named her that.
A fitting name for the successor to my parade float.
Which by way was also named "Queen of the Ocean.
" - How's the kidney? - Kidney? [Laughs.]
Oh, I just told Porky that so he'd give me the money for the yacht.
[Screaming.]
[Both grunting.]
Mmm.
Good shrimp.
- You like antiques, I like free markets.
- You like cheese, but I like chocolates.
- I know one way we can solve this.
- It's called fondue, it has both - I like ficus, you like ferns - We put them in matching urns - And the silly thing we learned - Is now they're friends - Those plants are friends - You like red, and I like blue.
You like me, and I like you.
There's nothing else to do but be best friends We're best friends, We're best friends, we're best friends Our friendship will never end If we were divers, we'd get the bends We're such deep friends Sometimes, we disagree We must monitor our chi and realign our energy We are best friends [Vocalizing.]
- Dance break! - Splendid! After you! - Oh, no, I insist, you're a much better dancer.
- Oh, you flatter me.
- Not at all.
- OK, dance break's over.
- Never mind.
- You like toning up your lats.
- I like wearing my new spats - It don't get no better than that - When you're best friends, you're best friends - You like gray and I like beige - Luckily for us, there's graige - Which is a lovely combina-tion Of gray and beige You like designer boots - I like velvet warm-up suits - In that way, we're in cahoots - We're best friends, we're best friends.
- You like red, and I like blue You like me, and I like you.
There's nothing else to do but be best friends Be best friends [Vocalizing.]
We are best friends.
[Grunting.]
Yeow! Ooh [Grunts.]
- Wait! That's a Tiffany lamp.
- [Stammering.]
But you bought with my money! [Grunts.]
- Aah! - How could you lie to me?! - I'm sorry.
I thought if I told you what the money was for, you wouldn't give it to me.
- I wouldn't have! - You just proved my point.
How am I the bad guy here? [Both grunting.]
- OK.
I've had enough.
Well, maybe just one more.
[Grunting continues.]
All right.
Break it up.
- [Grunting.]
- [Panting.]
- Here's what we're going to do.
Daffy, you're going to sell this thing and give Porky his money back.
- Are you crazy? I already lost my parade float! I'm not about to lose my yacht.
[Sighs.]
- Well, you're about to lose a friend.
- Yeah, but those are easy to get when you have a yacht.
- Uh, guys? - Where's the dock? But that's impossible.
I tied a shank knot to this cleat, Tied a sheepshead knot here, A double rolling hitch here, A simple yet elegant bow here.
And a square knot here.
- Uh-huh.
And what kind of knot did you tie to the dock? [Vocalizing.]
[Sucks in breath.]
- [Cries.]
What are we going to do?! We're stranded in the middle of the ocean! [Sobs.]
I always knew I'd die this way! - All right.
Let's not panic.
We'll just put up the sail and sail back.
[Squawking.]
Where's the sail? - I didn't get one.
- What?! - I didn't have enough money.
I was forced to choose between a sail and this jacuzzi.
So if anyone's to blame, it's Porky.
- I gave you everything I had.
I'm completely broke! - The fact that you're not more financially successful is not my fault.
- [Grunts.]
- What? Is it me? It's him, right? - We'll just radio the coast guard for help.
- Nope.
No radio.
- What?! - There wasn't enough money, Not after I got the second jacuzzi.
[Motor whirring.]
I have an idea.
Let's all take a long, hot soak in the jacuzzi.
It will relax us.
Which will allow us to think of a way out of our predicament.
I'll take the master jacuzzi.
You two take that one.
Ha.
Ah! Ooh! [Grunting.]
Ahh.
Ahh.
[Metal clinks.]
I think I have our answer.
Porky should swim back and get help.
Off you go, Porky.
- Hey, what are you doing? Stop! What do you think you're doing? - No one's swimming anywhere.
We're sailing back.
- Where'd you get a sail? - It's your bedsheets.
- What?! Those are 1,500 thread count Egyptian cotton! Do you know how much these sheets cost? More than lifejackets! That's why there are no lifejackets on board! Well, that, and they make you look stupid.
Aah! [Grunts.]
- He's unconscious! What should we do? - Psst.
Porky.
Untie me.
- I can't.
I'm under direct orders not to.
You know, Porky, being out here in the middle of the ocean has really made me reevaluate some things.
I see now that it's not money or things that matter.
It's friends, best friends.
And you, Porky Pig, you are my best friend.
- Do you really mean it? - Have you ever known me to lie? - Yes.
You lied about needing a kidney transplant.
- That's in the past.
Now, please, untie me So I can give my best friend a great big hug.
You won't regret this.
- Huh? - Now, go swim and get help.
Aah! - Porky! - Well, I guess it's just me now.
All alone on a yacht, stranded in the middle of the ocean with no lifejackets and no idea how to sail.
Bugs! Porky! Wait for me! [Gasps.]
These are coming with me.
Mmm.
It's like being caressed by an angel.
I regret nothing! Except not buying those lifejackets! [Gasps.]
It was a dream.
It was all a dream.
That explains why I was such a horrible person and did all those horrible things.
- Ehh Not a dream.
You are a horrible person, and you did do those horrible things.
- Then what happened? - We were picked up by a passing ship.
You nearly drowned in your stupid bedsheets.
- What about "The Queen of the Ocean"? Did she survive? - Yeah.
It was towed back to shore.
- [Gasps.]
Oh, thank goodness! It is things that matter! This proves it! - We sold it and got Porky's money back.
Ohh! [Cries.]
- I have good news and bad news.
The good news is there's no complications from the near drowning.
The bad news is we ran some tests, And it looks like you're going to need A kidney transplant.
- Huh.
Ironic.
How much does one of those cost? - I don't know.
About $375,000.
But I'm sure you have insurance.
[Sucks in breath.]
Well, I may not have insurance, But at least I have a best friend.
Right, Bugs and/or Porky? - I see you've decided to rebuild your parade float.
- Well, I couldn't ask my best friend to do it.
Not after you paid for my kidney transplant.
- Don't mention it.
Shame they couldn't also throw in a brain transplant.
- I won't forget this! It was a tremendous act of generosity, and I shall forever be in your debt.
- [Stammering.]
Uh, Daffy.
Can I take a break? I'm still not feeling - Oh, here we go.
How many times are you going to throw it in my face That you gave me your kidney? You still have the other one! - I got to get a new best friend.
[WB shield open.]
Psst.
Hey.
You wanna buy a watch?