Total Drama Island (2007) s01e23 Episode Script

1
CHRIS: LAST TIME ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
IN A SPECIAL EPISODE,
WE VISITED THE KICKED-OFF CAMPERS
AT THEIR RESORT OF REJECTS--
PLAYA DE LOSERS.
WE LEARNED THAT BRIDGETTE AND GEOFF
ARE STILL GOING STRONG.
KATIE AND SADIE STILL SHARE A BRAIN,
AND COURTNEY IS STILL CARRYING A GRUDGE AGAINST HAROLD
FOR FIXING THE BALLOTS AGAINST HER.
IN A SHOCKING TWIST,
WE LET THE LOSERS VOTE OFF
ONE OF THE FINAL FIVE CAMPERS,
AND IN AN EVEN MORE SHOCKING TWIST,
IT WAS LESHAWNA WHO FOUND HERSELF
IN LOSERVILLE, POPULATION 18.
WHO WILL BE VOTED OFF THIS WEEK
IN THE MOST DRAMATIC CAMPFIRE CEREMONY YET?
FIND OUT TONIGHT ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
CHORUS: DEAR MOM AND DAD, I'M DOING FINE ♪
YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
YOU ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE TO THE SUN ♪
WELL PACK YOUR BAGS 'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
EVERYTHING TO PROVE NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
'CAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
NANA NA'NA NAANA NANA NANA NA NANA NANA NA NA ♪
I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING I WANT TO BE FAMOUS)
WELCOME BACK TO TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
THIS WEEK WE PREPARED A BIZARRE EPISODE FULL OF SURPRISES.
FOR INSTANCE, TAKE THIS WEATHER.
RAIN IS NOT AN EASY THING TO CONTROL, LET ME TELL YOU,
BUT WE FIGURED THE FOUR REMAINING CAMPERS
WERE GETTING OFF WAY TO EASY,
SO WE PULLED SOME STRINGS AND VOILA!
AH!
LISTEN UP, CAMPERS.
ONE OF THE MOST GRUELING CHALLENGES
OF ANY SUMMER CAMP EXPERIENCE IS THE DREADED RAIN DAY,
WHERE ALL ACTIVITIES WITH EVEN THE REMOTEST POSSIBILITY
OF FUN ARE CANCELED IN FAVOR OF THE CRAFT TENT.
THE FORECAST FOR TOMORROW, RAIN, RAIN, AND MORE RAIN,
FOLLOWED BY RAIN.
SEE YOU ALL IN THE CRAFT TENT TOMORROW
AT 0700 HOURS.
FROWNING LIKE A BIG SUCK
WON'T BRING LESHAWNA BACK, YOU KNOW.
IT'LL JUST GIVE YOU PREMATURE WRINKLES.
OOPS, TOO LATE.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY
AND VOTE YOURSELF OFF?
IT'S SO NICE TO SEE YOU TWO GETTING ALONG
GIVES ME THE WARM FUZZIES.
IN YOUR DREAMS, PERV.
MAN, THIS SUCKS.
EVEN OWEN COULDN'T PUT A SHINY, HAPPY SPIN
ON THIS WEATHER.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHERE IS OWEN?
WHOO-HOO!
FINAL FOUR, BABY!
YEAH!
YOU KNOW, I REALLY LIKE THE OTHER THREE.
THEY'RE SOLID COMPETITORS.
WE ALL HAVE A REAL TRUST THING GOING,
WHICH IS WHY IT'S A GOOD THING NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT THE JUNK FOOD
I'M STASHING. (CHUCKLES)
OKAY, THEY'LL PROBABLY BE MAD,
BUT NOT AS STEAMED AS CHEF
WHEN HE FINDS OUT I WAS RAIDING HIS PANTRY.
OH, DARN IT.
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS CONFESSIONAL
THAT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO CONFESS STUFF!
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(PINGING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
HEY, CHEF, YOU SEEN THE CAMPERS?
NO.
AND I PEELED A WHOLE BAG OF ROTTEN SPUDS.
HMM, I CAN'T FIND THEM EITHER.
COME TO THINK OF IT,
I CAN'T EVEN FIND THEIR CABINS.
(SNORES)
(YAWNS)
AHH!
WHAT THE--
WHERE DID ALL THIS WATER COME FROM?
HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE LEECHES?
AHH!
YOU KNOW, THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS,
IT'S ALMOST FUNNY.
ALL: SHARK!
QUICK, WE NEED SOMETHING BIG AND CHEWY TO SHOVE IN HIS MOUTH.
OWEN!
SO I SNUCK IN
AND ATE THE ENTIRE SOCCER TEAM'S BAKE SALE.
I MEAN, THE WHOLE SALE.
BUT I GOT CAUGHT ON ACCOUNT OF THE ICING IN MY HAIR.
MY MOM MADE ME PAY FOR IT OUT OF MY ALLOWANCE,
BUT, THOSE SOCCER MOMS MAKE A MEAN BROWNIE.
I'M HUNGRY.
AAH!
I'M ALL ALONE,
ADRIFT AT SEA.
WITHOUT BREAKFAST.
OKAY, IS ANYONE ELSE A LITTLE CREAKED BY THIS DESERTED ISLAND?
P-L-EASE,
ANY MORON CAN SEE THAT THIS IS ONE
OF CHRIS'S CHEESY PRODUCTION SETS WITH FAKE PROPS.
(GRUNT) OW!
YO, DRAMA QUEENS,
WE'VE OBVIOUSLY JUST DRIFTED DOWNSTREAM.
THE PRODUCERS WILL SEND A SEARCH PARTY.
JUST TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, MY SETS ARE NOT CHEESY.
I LOST THREE INTERNS MOVING THOSE ROCKS INTO PLACE.
AND ABOUT THAT SEARCH PARTY, NUH-UH.
THOSE CAMPERS ARE ON THEIR OWN.
SO I GUESS THAT MEANS CRAFT DAY IS CANCELED.
ANYWAY, I'M STARVED.
LET'S EAT.
YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO EAT THIS SLOP?
YEAH, RIGHT.
I MEAN AT THE BREAKFAST BUFFET BACK AT OUR CAMP.
COOL. (CHUCKLES)
OOH.
AHH!
WELL, WELL, WELL, STUCK ON AN ISLAND
WITH TWO HOT GIRLS.
TOO BAD THEY'RE BOTH COMPLETELY ANNOYING.
SO I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, THEY LEFT ME HERE TO DIE.
MENTAL NOTE,
NEVER SIGN UP FOR A REALITY SHOW EVER AGAIN.
AH, LET'S JUST CHILL UNTIL THE RESCUE TEAM ARRIVES.
WHAT IF THERE ISN'T A RESCUE TEAM?
WHAT IF THE PRODUCERS THINK WE'RE DEAD?
I SAY WE BUILD A RAFT AND TRY TO SAIL BACK TO CAMP.
GOOD CALL. LET'S GET MORE LOST.
WE NEED TO BUILD A RAFT.
WE NEED TO STAY PUT.
-BUILD A RAFT. -STAY PUT.
DUH, WE'RE NOT LOST.
THIS IS JUST CHRIS'S LAME ATTEMP
AT CHALLENGING OUR SHIPWRECK SURVIVAL SKILLS.
I'M ONTO YOU, CHRIS!
OOH, I'M SO SCARED.
I'M GOING FOR A WALK. THINGS WERE GETTING
REALLY TENSE.
YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT WE WERE SOAKED,
COVERED IN BUG BITES, AND STARVING.
BUT I KEPT MY WITS ABOUT ME AS ALWAYS.
IT'S A GOOD THING AT LEAST ONE OF US
CAN REMAIN CALM AND COLLECTED IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY.
NOT BAD.
BEATS SLEEPING ON THE BEACH.
OKAY, GOING TO MY HAPPY PLACE.
I'M IN A DOUGHNUT SHOP.
THERE'S AN ALL YOU CAN EAT FOR A DOLLAR SALE ON,
UNLIMITED CHOCOLATE MILK.
AHH! GO AWAY!
IS THAT
SAND!
SWEET MAMA IN A SIDECAR GOING 90!
I'M BACK AT CAMP!
WHOO-HOO!
WHOO-HOO!
YEAH!
(SCREAMS)
THIS DAY IS REALLY SUCKING.
THE T-REX SKULL WAS MY IDEA.
DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE?
THAT WAS WORTH EVERY INTERN.
NICE VIEW.
HEY, YOU TWO,
IF YOU'RE DONE YELLING AT EACH OTHER,
I FOUND US A PLACE TO REST.
(GASP) AHH!
OW!
(THUNDER CRASHES)
SO STILL THINK WE'RE DOWNSTREAM FROM CAMP?
OKAY, I'VE BEEN WRONG BEFORE.
OWEN: HELP!
I'M ALL ALONE!
I'M GONNA DIE!
HEY, ARE THOSE COCONUTS?
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME
WHY THERE ARE PALM TREES AND COCONUTS UP HERE?
WE'RE UP IN NORTHERN ONTARIO.
THEY WERE LEFTOVER PROPS FROM THE BIGASSIC PARK MOVIE SHOOT.
WHAT? WE'RE ON A BUDGET.
OWEN: (BURPS)
IT'S BEEN A GRUELING NINE MINUTES OF ISOLATION,
WHERE A HUMAN MIND IS RIPE FOR CRACKING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT, MR. COCONUT?
OH, YOU DO.
IT'S JUST YOU AND ME, BUDDY.
WE'LL HUNT, FORAGE, AND SURVIVE TOGETHER.
BUT FIRST, I NEED TO PEE.
OWEN: CAN YOU LOOK THE OTHER WAY, PLEASE?
HEATHER: WAIT A SEC.
THIS IS JUST LIKE WHEN THEY SENT US
TO BONY ISLAND.
DON'T YOU SEE?
IT'S SO OBVIOUSLY ANOTHER SURVIVAL CHALLENGE.
YOU CAN'T SCARE ME, CHRIS.
WHAT'S OBVIOUS IS THAT WE'RE STRANDED
ON A DESERTED ISLAND
AND WE'LL DIE UNLESS WE BUILD A RAFT.
IF WE'RE STRANDED,
THEN THE PRODUCERS WILL OBVIOUSLY RESCUE US.
WHAT IF THE PRODUCERS DON'T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK?
THEY'RE NOT EXACTLY THE SHARPEST TOOLS IN THE SHED,
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED.
I AM GONNA LET THAT LITTLE COMMENT PASS.
HMM.
I WAS SO BETTER OFF WITHOUT THOSE LUNATICS HOLDING ME BACK.
GOOD LUCK LOST IN THE WILD WITHOUT SHELTER.
OKAY, SO MAYBE SPLITTING UP WAS A BAD IDEA.
I KNOW I SHOULD MAKE MORE OF AN EFFOR
TO HAVE AN ALLIANCE WITH SOMEONE
AT THIS POINT IN THE GAME, BUT THEY'RE BOTH INSANE.
I MEAN, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU TRUST?
FINE.
THEN LET'S MAKE A NEW RULE.
EVERY CAMPER FOR THEMSELVES.
BOTH: FINE!
OWEN: ELEVEN MINUTES OF ISOLATION
AND MR. COCONUT AND I HAVE DECIDED
TO LIVE IN THE OUTHOUSE WHERE IT'S SAFE.
(GASPS)
HEADHUNTERS!
OH, MAN, I DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHERE THAT THING WENT.
NOTE TO SELF,
NEXT TIME, MAKE MORE THAN ONE ARROW.
WHOO-HOO-HOO! YEAH!
DIE! DIE! DIE!
ONE FRUIT SALAD, COMING UP.
AND UBER OMELET ON THE SIDE.
YEAH, ROCKING.
(BIRD SCREECHING)
HEY, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT CHOCOLATE?
OH, NOWHERE.
JUST OWEN'S SECRET STASH OF JUNK FOOD.
THAT GENIUS.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT HIS MATTRESS LOOKED LUMPY.
YOU GOT TO SHARE THAT WITH US, MAN.
-WE'RE STARVING. -OH, NO.
I BELIEVE THE TERM WAS, "EVERY CAMPER FOR THEMSELVES."
AND SINCE WE'RE ALONE ON THE ISLAND--
(LOUD GROWLING)
OR NOT.
DON'T WORRY, MR. COCONUT.
YOUR SOFT, FLAKY MARROW IS SAFE WITH ME.
(LOUD GROWLING)
BRUNCH IS SERVED.
AH, BRUNCH.
SUCH A CIVILIZED MEAL, DON'T YOU THINK?
WE'VE ALREADY DIGESTED YOUR BREAKY,
BUT YOU'RE NOT QUITE READY FOR LUNCH.
OOH-HOO-HOO! HOLLANDAISE!
YOU'VE OUTDONE YOURSELF, CHEF.
(GROWLING)
IT'S JUST CHRIS FREAKING US OUT.
(RUMBLING)
WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, I'M OUT OF HERE.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
WHO CARES? AT LEAST IT'S NOT HERE WITH YOU.
I'LL TRADE YOU MY EGG IN EXCHANGE FOR A RIDE.
RIDING WITH HIM WAS THE LAST THING I WANTED TO DO.
BUT I WAS STARVING.
(RUMBLING)
DEAL.
(GASPS) WHAT?
HEY! HEY, YOU CAN'T JUST FORM AN ALLIANCE AND LEAVE ME.
BYE, HEATHER. GOOD LUCK.
DON'T GO! DON'T GO!
IF YOU COME BACK,
I'LL LET YOU HAVE OWEN'SBARS!
OKAY, I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE TERRIFIED IN MY WHOLE LIFE.
THEY LEFT ME THERE ALONE ON THAT ISLAND TO DIE.
I HAD TO DRAW ON RESERVES OF INNER STRENGTH
I NEVER KNEW I HAD.
IF YOU'RE WATCHING, LINDSAY,
I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
YOU'RE AN AWESOME FRIEND, AND--AND BETH,
DITTO FOR YOU.
MISS YOU, GUYS.
BFF FOREVER.
COME ON, MR. COCONUT,
MUST FIND FOOD.
AH, FUN IN THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
TOO BAD THE INTERNS ARE MISSING IT.
WE SHOULD SEND THEM A VIDEO OF THIS.
GOOD TIMES.
YOU PADDLE LIKE A GIRL.
OH, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE ACCOMMODATIONS,
THERE'S THE DOOR.
JUST GIVE ME THE OAR.
NO, IT'S MY RAFT. I ROW.
OH, WELL, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG,
BUT I THINK YOU JUST RODE US IN A BIG CIRCLE
'CAUSE THERE'S THE SHORE AGAIN.
UH, LOOKS LIKE OUR DESERTED ISLAND ISN'T SO DESERTED.
WHICH WILL COST YOU ONE OMELET?
(SCREECHING)
UH, YOU CAN HAVE YOUR EGG BACK.
NO, NO, PLEASE. I INSIST.
AHH!
WHOA!
(GRUNTING)
AHH! HELP!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
AHH!
GET AWAY FROM ME!
HELP!
(GRUNTING)
OH, UM, MALLOMARS.
OWEN? IS THAT YOU?
YOU COMPLETELY FREAKED ME OUT.
AND WHAT IS WITH THAT BIG BEARD?
OW!
HEATHER, IS IT REALLY YOU? YOU'RE NOT A MIRAGE?
OW! DO YOU MIND?
GWEN AND DUNCAN: AHH!
WHOA!
UHH!
OWEN?
OH, MY BRETHREN.
AT LAST WE'RE TOGETHER.
I SHALL NEVER LET GO.
(HISSING)
OH, LET ME REPHRASE THAT.
RUN!
(HISSING)
WHAT'S WITH THE FAKE BEARD?
OW!
SO, CHEF, HOW DO YOU THINK OUR CAMPERS ARE DOING
ON THEIR DESERTED ISLAND?
ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM BY NOW,
MAULED BY BEARS, FELL OFF THE CLIFF,
STARVED TO DEATH.
HMM, MAYBE I SHOULD GO CHECK THE MONITORS
AND SEE WHAT KIND OF FOOTAGE WE GOT.
CHRIS, MAN, YOU ARE ONE DEDICATED HOST.
YOU'RE AN INSPIRATION.
THANKS, DUDE.
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
(LAUGH)
OWEN: OKAY, I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE
SOMETHING THAT IS CARAMELY.
MALLOMARS?
(LAUGHS) OH, RIGHT AGAIN.
OKAY, IT'S YOUR TURN, MR. COCONUT.
HE KNOWS IT'S JUST A FRUIT, RIGHT?
THAT'S IT! I AM DONE WITH THIS GAME.
I CAN'T BOND WITH YOU GUYS ANYMORE
BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL CRAZY.
YOU SAY THAT LIKE YOU'RE NOT.
I AM THE ONLY ONE LEFT ON THIS SHOW
-WITH A SHRED OF SANITY. -HA!
AND THIS COMING FROM THE GIRL
WHO CHANGES FRIENDS MORE OFTEN THAN I CHANGE SOCKS.
WHICH IS SO NOT OFTEN ENOUGH BY THE WAY.
AT LEAST I'VE GOT MY GAME ON.
GAME ON?
HELLO.
NONE OF US ARE IN THE COMPETITION
BECAUSE THE PRODUCERS THINK WE'RE DEAD
WHICH MEANS WE'RE GONNA DIE ON THIS FREAKING ISLAND?
WE ARE?
AHH!
HEAVENLY HASH, WE'RE GONNA DIE,
AND I'VE NEVER EVEN HAD A DATE OR HELD HANDS
OR FULFILLED ANY OF MY OWEN GETS JIGGY FANTASIES.
-LIKE THE ONE- -DUH!
MAKE HIM STOP!
THANKS.
AND THAT'S WHEN I THOUGHT, THIS IS HOW I'M GONNA DIE.
MY BRAIN WAS ACTUALLY GONNA EXPLODE FROM FRUSTRATION.
GUYS, YOU KNOW WHAT WE HAVE TO DO?
RUN FOR OUR LIVES AND LEAVE YOU AND MR. COCONUT BEHIND?
NO, WE NEED TO CONFESS OUR SINS.
UH, NOT.
OH, NO, SERIOUSLY.
I CONFESSED ALL MY SINS. IT FELT GREAT.
DON'T YOU WANT TO CLEAR YOUR CONSCIENCE BEFORE YOU DIE?
WHOA!
SO THAT'S WHAT YOU WENT TO JUVIE HALL FOR?
YEAH, BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT AS BAD AS WHAT HEATHER DID.
I ADMIT, IT WAS A LITTLE UNORTHODOX,
BUT IT DOESN'T COME CLOSE TO WHAT GWEN DID,
IF THAT'S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME.
(SIGHS)
THERE,
DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?
EW! EW! SPIDER IN THE BED!
SPIDER IN THE BED!
HEY, LOOK,
WE GOT NEIGHBORS.
THE RESCUE TEAM?
OR A TRICK, COURTESY OF CHRIS.
I KNOW HOW WE CAN FIND OUT.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
WE PRETEND WE'RE THE HEADHUNTERS
AND SCARE THE BEJABBERS
OUT OF WHOEVER'S MESSING WITH OUR HEADS.
THERE'S ONLY ONE PROBLEM, A 50 FOOT PYTHON
WITH AN ATTITUDE.
OH, THAT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT HOURS AGO?
WHAT, AND MISS OUT ON ALL OUR BONDING?
COME ON!
LET'S GO OOGA BOOGIE!
THIS IS IT, BRETHREN.
WE MIGHT NOT COME BACK ALIVE,
SO LET'S GET OUR OOGIE-BOOGIE GROOVE ON.
YEAH, OWEN.
I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THIS.
OOGA BOOGA! OOGA, OOGA, OOGA.
OOGA BOOGA, OOGA, OOGA!
ALL: AH!
HEY, GUYS. IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU SHOWED UP.
MR. COCONUT, IT'S A MIRAGE!
THEY'RE JUST FIGMENTS OF MY IMAGINATION.
WELL, WHY IS HE TALKING TO A COCONUT?
OWEN, IT'S NOT A MIRAGE.
IT'S OUR PRODUCTION CREW'S SECRET LOCATION.
(GASPS)
OR WAS A SECRET, UNTIL NOW.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE T-REX SKULL?
AND THE PREHISTORIC GOOSE?
OH, THOSE ARE JUST LEFT OVER FROM A DINOSAUR MOVIE THAT WAS--
YOU MEAN WHILE WE WERE SHIPWRECKED,
YOU WERE HERE, BASKING IN THE LAP OF LUXURY
A MERE 100 FEET AWAY?
YES, HEATHER, THAT WOULD BE ACCURATE.
SORRY, I'D INVITE YOU IN, BUT THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR SIX.
SEE YOU AT THE CAMPFIRE TONIGHT.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
WELL, IT'S BEEN A GRUELING DAY, CAMPERS.
FRANKLY, CHEF AND I ARE WORN OUT.
I HOPE YOU'VE LEARNED TWO VALUABLE LESSONS.
FIRST, ALWAYS MAKE SURE
YOUR CABINS ARE SECURELY FASTENED TO THE GROUND,
AND SECOND, THE EVERY CAMPER FOR THEMSELVES IDEA SUCKS.
FOUR HEADS ARE ALWAYS BETTER THAN ONE.
(CLEARS THROAT)
I THINK YOU MEAN FIVE.
WHICH BRINGS US TO YET ANOTHER DRAMATIC MARSHMALLOW CEREMONY.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, YOU HAVE FOUR MARSHMALLOWS.
THAT'S ONE FOR EACH OF US.
EXCELLENT, OBSERVATION, DUDE.
HEATHER, DUNCAN,
GWEN,
OWEN.
OH, NO.
-YOU DON'T MEAN! -YEP.
IT'S TIME FOR MR. COCONUT TO WALK THE DOCK OF SHAME.
BUT WHY?
YEAH, GET IT TOGETHER, DUDE.
YOU'RE STARTING TO CREEP ME OUT.
MR. COCONUT!
NO!
BY THE WAY, WHAT WE CONFESSED BACK THERE
STAYS BACK THERE.
OH, YEAH.
NO ARGUMENT.
DON'T WORRY, MR. COCONUT.