Batman (1966) s01e24 Episode Script

Batman In last night's Bat adventure we saw Gotham City dignitaries gather.
An unveiling.
A ghastly travesty.
The Riddler at large again.
Pandemonium.
A riddle for a clue.
A call for help.
To the rescue.
Riddle solved.
On to the library.
A ring of wax.
A rare old book stolen.
A strange discovery.
It's a clue! Batman grabbed the gauntlet.
Was it a trap? Watch out, Batman! Too late.
Helpless.
A fatal dip! And in just one bubbling minute.
.
But wait the most terrifying is yet to come.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na Batman Holy paraffin, Batman! This is going to be a close one.
Too close.
Oh, this is my dream come true.
With you two out of the way there is nothing that stands between me and the lost treasure of the Inca's.
And it's worth millions.
Millions.
Do you hear me, Batman? Remember, Riddler, you can't buy friends with money.
With money who needs friends? Riddler, honey, these fumes are terrible.
Can't we go below? I want to watch this to its glorious finale.
Can't we watch it just as well from your candle-scope? Well, alright.
The fumes are getting to me too.
Huh! Keep smiling, you two.
Remember, I'd like nice expressions on your faces when we deliver you to the wax museum.
Bye.
Let's go.
They're going, Batman.
They're going.
Good.
Now, to find a way out of this predicament.
- Wait a minute.
What's that? - Where? That barrel over there 'with a chemical formula written on it.
' 'I can't see all the formula' but unless I miss my guess that's the solution for treating candle wax.
It's highly explosive when it's exposed to heat.
I can't see how that's gonna do us much good.
Matches, down scope.
The candle scope is working beautifully.
Oh, let me see, let me see.
Alright.
Just for a second.
Oh, it does seem a shame.
Moth.
.
if you expect to get anywhere in this arch criminal game you can't be soft.
You must learn to control your emotions.
Uh-oh! We're getting awfully close to that wax.
Those fumes are getting pretty strong.
Don't give up, Robin.
Remember, where there's a will there's a way.
If only we could ignite that barrel of chemical solution down there I feel certain it would blow us free.
I don't know whether it'll work, but I think it's worth a try.
I can't see what you're doing.
There's a shaft of sunlight coming through the roof.
If I can just twist around a little and reflect it in my highly polished belt buckle with a little bit of luck maybe I can direct it at the barrel.
What are they doing up there? Something nearly blinded me.
Let me take a look, boss.
'I don't see nothin' wrong, boss.
' Somethin' is awfully bright up there.
Hmm.
I think I've got the right angle now.
Hold perfectly still.
There.
I'm right on the mark.
Prepare yourself for the shock.
What are they doing up there? Was that an explosion? Could the explosion have blown them to bits? Be still.
.
my throbbing heart.
My fondest dreams come true.
Batman and Robin dead.
Dead! Dead! My cup runneth over.
Up scope.
Can we forget about them now and go find that lost treasure? Oh, let me savor this moment.
So divine.
Seeing Batman and Robin dead is more important than any treasure.
More important than all those Incan baubles, bangles and beads? Not to me, it ain't! Impatience thy name is woman.
First, I must call Commissioner Gordon and tell him the good news about his beloved caped crusaders and then confound him with a little riddle.
Oh, why take time for that? Crime is no fun without riddles.
I'll have you know that's the main reason I took up this crime game.
All of you in the truck.
Ain't you taking the Batmobile, boss? Would be too conspicuous where we're going.
I'll be with you in a minute.
Go on.
Commissioner Gordon here.
This is the Riddler.
I have some news for you about the late dynamic duo.
Late? I'm sorry to be the one to break this unfortunate news to you, commissioner.
Batman and Robin dead? I can't believe it.
'If you had anything to do with this, Riddle' I'll track you down to the ends of the earth.
And that's a solemn promise.
While you're at it, commissioner ponder this riddle.
What has four legs, runs day and night but never gets anywhere? Now, see here, you cheap scoundrel-- By the time you figure it out it'll be too late.
Are you alright, Robin? Gosh! We were almost goners.
Those guys mean business.
It's a miracle we were blown free by that explosion.
Let's just be thankful that my calculations were correct.
I don't know how you do it.
There's no time for that now.
Good! They didn't take the Batmobile.
I think we better call Commissioner Gordon.
- Commissioner Gordon? - Who is this? - Why, this is Batman.
- 'Batman!' Your caped crusader.
Is something wrong? The Riddler said you were dead.
Wishful thinking on his part.
We're alive and raring to go.
Well, I must say this is good news but back to business.
What do you make of this clue the Riddler left? 'What has four legs, runs day and night' but never gets anywhere? That's the riddle.
Word for word.
We'll get on it right away, commissioner.
What has four legs, runs day and night but never gets anywhere? This isn't going to be easy, Robin.
- A river runs day and night.
- Yes, but it gets somewhere.
It runs to the ocean.
But a fountain.
It could be a fountain.
I think you're on the right track, Robin.
But that four legs business, that stumps me.
An animal has four legs.
Wait a minute.
Maybe the fountain has an animal in it.
The famous lion fountains in front of the Gotham City Museum? Gosh, Batman, I think you're wrong.
The lion fountains aren't running at all.
The water shortage remember? That's what that cheating devil wants us to think, Robin.
I'm sure I'm right.
And that's where the Riddler must be going and we must go without delay.
Hold tight.
How could a sarcophagus be so hard to find? Gee, boss, I don't even know what an esophagus looks like.
You numbskull, you're no help to me here.
You and Matches go upstairs.
Keep a lookout.
Sure, boss.
Oh, Riddler, honey.
.
this place gives me a nice case of the jitters.
What are all those nasty-looking things? Ooh.
A few little fun things from the middle ages.
.
my little Moth.
That tub there.
That sweet little thing was called the maiden's bath.
And this.
.
the exquisite iron mask.
And this the beloved stocks.
Oh.
And that wheel over there.
.
that beautiful ingenious wheel of death.
And last but not least the rack.
Oh, those were the good old days.
I'm sorry I asked.
Is it possible this has some connection with the lost treasure of the Inca's? Aunt Harriet was reading about it this morning.
It's in all the newspapers.
They can't exhibit it until they build an airtight display case.
If it's exposed to air, it will crumble to dust.
It's beginning to make sense.
The lost treasure of the Inca's must be hidden inside that sarcophagus.
I'd stake my life on it.
So that's what he learned from that old book.
- I hope we're not too late.
- So do I, Robin.
The Riddler and his gang may be destroying one of the world's greatest archeological treasures and for a mere million dollars worth of jewels.
It's locked.
They must be closed today.
How do we get in? Batman, look, that window.
It's open, but it's too small.
I'd never make it.
But I could.
I could, Batman.
- It's dangerous.
- Let me do it.
I promise I'll come right down and open the door for you.
- Please, Batman.
- Be careful, Robin.
Don't try to capture the Riddler and the gang by yourself.
Come immediately downstairs and open the door for me.
I'll handle it.
Do you understand? - Roger.
- Take your Bat-communicator.
And keep in touch.
Stand clear.
Grab it.
'Keep in touch with me on your throat communicator.
' Golly, Batman, I hope we're not too late.
I join you in that hope.
I shudder to think how it might effect our foreign relations if anything happened to this exhibit.
How do you mean, Batman? Can you imagine the reaction of our good neighbors to the south should we allow their national treasure to be destroyed? Gosh! I see what you mean.
Take care, Robin.
- You! I thought you were dead.
- I'll show you how dead I am.
Ow! Hey, Matches, give me a hand.
I.
.
Ow! Now, you're making me mad, kid.
Robin? Robin! Do you hear me? Is something wrong, Robin? Robin! Come in, Robin.
- Hey, boss, look what we found.
- Huh? - But you're dead.
- No thanks to you that I'm not.
And Batmanhe lives too? No, you fiend, you've destroyed the finest man that ever lived.
And I'll get you for it.
You pernicious pipsqueak.
You're in no position to threaten anyone.
Put him on the rack.
If he doesn't fit, stretch him to size! But don't hurt him.
Robin, if you can hear me I'm coming in after you.
Commissioner, I'm at the Gotham City Museum.
Robin's inside and I'm going in after him.
You'd better send some men over.
Right.
You may think you have the upper hand now, but wait.
Hey, boss, I think I found it.
What? The sarcophagus? - Yeah, it's over here.
- The sarcophagus! Just think, think.
In a few short moments the vast treasure of the Incans shall be mine, mine! Ours, honey, ours.
Who said you can't take it with you? Lucky for me the Incan emperor's dead.
At least their jewels.
Ooh, the sarcophagus! Oh, it's too bad Batman's dead.
If only he could see me now.
Ahh! Again it's Batman! It can't be.
I saw you dead with my own eyes.
You lied to me, Boy Wonder.
A little white lie is excusable when dealing with the likes of you you black-hearted scoundrel.
Well, don't just stand there.
Get him, men! This is gonna hurt me more than it does you.
Get him, Matches! Get him! I don't know about you, Riddler, honey but I'm gettin' out of here.
Ooh! Alright, Riddler.
Now, it's your turn.
No, no.
No.
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
- 'Batman.
' 'Batman.
' Holy smoke! The candle is still burning under the wax.
Put it out before it eats through.
Good thinking, Robin.
Just in time.
Watch out, Batman! Oh! Ah! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with knives? Can we talk this over, Batman? Ah! Ooh! Let me give you one last word of advice.
Give up your evil ways.
When you've paid your debt to society and pay it you will start life anew as a respected citizen.
I'll give you anything, anything you want.
Just name it, Batman.
Name it.
Ahh! Ooh! Oh! Aww! Batman, that smarts.
Ooh.
Robin, are you alright? I'm just a little sore, Batman, that's all.
Well, one of Aunt Harriet's good, nourishing meals will set everything right again.
I sure worked up an appetite, I'll tell you that.
You're all under arrest.
Now, no monkey business.
We got you covered.
There's no need for guns, Chief O'Hara.
There's no more fight left in them When Commissioner Gordon told me to go to the museum naturally, I thought he meant the wax museum.
O-otherwise, we would've been here sooner.
Anyone can make that mistake, Chief O'Hara.
There's no harm done, chief.
The Riddler and his accomplices are ready to be delivered into your capable hands.
Oh, Batman, honey, Moth's learned her lesson.
Really she has.
Crime doesn't pay.
Unfortunately, you learned your lesson too late, Moth.
A moth that plays around candles is bound to be burned.
Oh.
Oh! Oh, Batman.
You may have won the battle.
.
but the war isn't over yet.
This is certainly a very educational way to spend an afternoon.
Yes, and it's going to come in so handy at school.
I think I'll do my end-of-term report on it.
Very good.
Most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incans.
Very few appreciate that they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn.
Now, whenever I eat mashed potatoes I, for one, will think of the Incans.
Mercy alive! Have you ever seen such beautiful jewels? They must've cost a king's ransom.
It says here that they found the jewels in a secret panel in the sarcophagus.
They were hidden to guard against grave robbers who were very prevalent in olden days.
Well, thank goodness we don't have anything like that to worry about today.
Well, I think we should be leaving now.
Oh, Bruce, I want just one more peak at this old Incan emperor.
Will you look at that? Isn't he preserved nicely for all those thousands of years.
It's remarkable.
The old boy nearly didn't make it.
Next week, Batman jousts with the Joker again.
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