Clarence US (2014) s01e24 Episode Script
Pilot Expansion
1 [remote clicks.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Children shout.]
Sumo: It was at Rough Raiders Chicken.
That's where it happened.
Jeff: First of all, it's Rough Riders, and, no, that's - not where it happened.
- Nuh-uh! It's Raiders because you raid the box for chicken! - Jeff: That doesn't make any sense.
- Ah, what do you know, you old bat? Clarence: Fellas, there's no need to argue.
I remember exactly where we met.
I remember it like it was just 78 1/2 years ago.
Sumo: Ah, where are they going with my fish?! Clarence: Anyway, 78 1/2 years ago [school bell rings.]
Well, class.
I'm sure you've noticed we have a new student with us today.
Clarence, would you like to get up and say something about yourself? Actually, could I do something else a little bit? Uh, yeah, absolutely, Clarence.
This one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you.
So, if you want to know about me or be my friend or something, then just come over to my house tonight for a sleepover at my house.
We can eat a lot of pizza poppers.
We can watch "the Golden girls" on my big TV, and then at midnight, we get to bust open my mystery piã'ata.
So you're probably not gonna want to miss it.
Oh, wow! Clarence, custom invitations.
That is very considerate.
- You get one, too, Mrs.
Bonestein.
- O-kay.
Uh, thank you, Clarence.
This is very thoughtful of you.
You're welcome.
So if you want to come over, just go to my house right after school, or you could come around dinnertime, or even just walk home with me.
It's up to you.
Hey, Clarence.
Do you play hacky sack? Yeah, probably.
Boooo! [Laughter.]
[Laughs.]
What do you mean no one's coming over? I thought you were having a sleepover.
Did you hand out all your invitations? Yeah, but they didn't like them.
Ooh, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Ahh! [Sighs.]
Well, who's gonna eat all these pizza poppers? - Me.
- Well, I'm going to a tupperware party at Denise's house tonight, and I'm not gonna be back till late.
If anyone does come over, make sure you clean up after yourselves, all right? [Sniffs.]
- Okay.
- Hey, if no one shows up, I'll help you eat all these when I get back.
How's that sound? And, hey, we'll get to bust open your mystery piã'ata, huh? [Gasps.]
- Mystery.
- Yow.
[Laughs.]
Chad's in my room if you need anything.
Bye, sweetie! Love you! [Door closes.]
Bye! [Telephone rings.]
- Hello? - Hi, Clarence.
This is Jeff from Lincoln Elementary School.
I'm calling to RSVP for your sleepover extravaganza.
Absolutely! Come on over whenever you want, buddy! - I got a lot of pizza poppers! - All right.
Sounds good.
I'll be there around 5:00.
Okay, bye! Love you! - Come on in, Jeff! - Ooh! What, you've never seen a secret entrance before? Hold on.
I got to unlock the door.
[Trilling.]
[Running footsteps.]
Welcome to party paradise! Let me show you around.
We could play in my tree fort or crawl around in my secret tunnel or break all this wood with a hammer or play whack-a-gopher wait till this guy lays an egg or get blowed around by this thing or break all this wood with a hammer or eat all these pizza poppers really fast.
- What do you want to do first? - Uh, n-none of it? Oh.
What do you want to do? This great lake is known for having the most water.
What is lake superior? - Oh, what is a river superior? - Brian.
What is lake superior? [Ding!.]
- Correct.
- Yes! One more for me.
Where do you even learn these things? [Doorbell rings.]
[gasps.]
I'll get it.
Hello.
Are you here for the sleepover? - Cut my hair? - [Chuckling.]
All right.
[Clippers whirring.]
[both laughing.]
- Both: Who-o-a! - Ugh! [Both laughing.]
- Correct.
- Yes! How come that kid doesn't want to play with us? - Oh, Jeff doesn't like to have fun.
- Well, let's show him how.
[Punk rock music plays.]
[Punk rock music continues.]
- Both: [grunting.]
- Yeah.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Get up.
Come on.
Dance with us.
- Get up! - Come on.
- No, no.
- Oh, come on.
Don't touch my hands! Your hands are filthy! They're full of dirt.
[Pop!.]
[Rattles.]
[hisses.]
Ahh.
[Music stops.]
Hey, who killed the jams? I love that song.
[Imitating music.]
[Gulping.]
Don't stop rockin' on my account.
This Italian treat is made by frying the skin of a pig in its own fat.
- What is ciccioli? - Brian.
- What is ciccioli? - Correct.
Pbht! - I guess rock 'n' roll isn't for everyone.
- Let's try a - different, uh - A different approach.
[gasps.]
Master level sudoku puzzle book?! [Squeals.]
- Aah! - Hey, buddy.
We're making prank calls.
You want to join us? Okay.
This one's for you.
- Ready? Go.
- Oh, um Is your refrigerator running? [Both laugh.]
Here's police department.
What's your emergency? - You called the cops?! - Uh-oh.
Hi.
Sorry.
This is kind of embarrassing, but me and my friends were just doing some, uh, pranks - Don't say that, don't say that! - Don't, don't, don't, - don't, don't, don't, don't! - Ugh! Uh, no, no.
Everything's fine.
There was a burglar, but, um we broke his legs.
- I'll send an ambulance.
- Oh, no.
You don't need to send an ambulance because - because, uh - Because he caught on fire, ran away he's gone.
Don't send anybody.
Do you think that worked? [Clock chiming.]
[gasps.]
Mystery piã'ata time! Jeff: Piã'ata? Oh, not for me.
Thank you.
Clarence: What?! Why not? Sumo: What are you talking about?! Piã'atas are awesome! Jeff: I suppose it's because I've never tried it.
Clarence: Well, Jeff, my friend, today's the day you become a man.
A piã±ata man.
[Chuckles.]
Yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piã'ata under the blindfold, eyes won't peep do it right, tie it tight, don't cheat now spin around, head pinned to the ground by the bat that's the action making a sound like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa get dizzy stand back, lift bat, get busy with a little flick of the wrist, give it a swish don't miss try to hit it into little bits and pieces to release the sweetest candy or otherwise, some other surprise it can be anything the piã'ata master fancies a risky mystery, but take the chance, please hit the piã'ata hit the piã'ata sa-sawing batta hit the piã'ata yeah, yeah, you gotta - # hit the piã'ata - hit the thing harder # - # hit the piã'ata - made out of paper # break the shape of a donkey you won't be seeing it later 'cause once you attack it make the bat smack it maybe you'll smash it into smithereens so streams of sweet treats careen to the carpet the tricky task is to swing a stick in the darkness but try your hardest and tense your back until you strike the target and make it crack hit the piã'ata hit the piã'ata sa-sawing batta hit the piã'ata yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piã'ata - # hit the thing harder - hit the piã'ata # hit the piã'ata hit the piã'ata sa-sawing batta hit the piã'ata yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piã'ata - # hit the thing harder - hit the piã'ata # [rope creaks.]
Sumo: [chuckling.]
[Chuckles.]
You guys are gonna crack up when you see what's inside this thing.
All right, Jeff.
You're dizzy enough.
[Quivering.]
Oh, oh, oh.
[Laughter.]
Hi-yah! [Light buzzing.]
[Thinking.]
Wait a minute.
What's that sound? Could it be? Do you want some honey in your tea, Sumo? You're gonna be very surprised by my mystery piã'ata.
Hold on.
I got to change out of my bee suit.
[Laughs.]
[Gasps.]
Nooooooo! - Hi-yah! - Nooooooo! And the mystery is [buzzing.]
bees! [Jeff and Sumo screaming.]
[screaming continues.]
Aw, man! That does look like fun.
[Siren wails.]
[tires screech.]
- Nobody move! - Oh.
We got a call about a robbery, fiery homicide.
Uh, I don't know.
[Kids screaming.]
[Whimpers.]
[bees buzzing.]
Hey, don't come on stay over! - Mmm.
- I'm sorry I got you guys stung.
I just really wanted you guys to have fun.
- I had fun.
- Oh, yeah.
- This is the best sleepover ever.
- Oh, cool.
Ow.
And that's how we became best friends [mechanized whirring.]
and decided to spend the rest of our lives together.
- Sumo: I don't remember any of that.
- Jeff: Yeah, me neither.
Clarence: It was a long time ago, duh.
[Mechanized whirring.]
Your memory banks are probably just fuzzy.
- Uh, fuzzy.
Mm.
- Clarence: I'm gonna go for a jog.
[Mechanized whirring.]
["The Jetsons" music playing.]
[Spaceship whirs.]
[Plop!.]
["The Jetsons" music continues.]
[plop! plop!.]
Jeff, get me off this crazy thing!
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Children shout.]
Sumo: It was at Rough Raiders Chicken.
That's where it happened.
Jeff: First of all, it's Rough Riders, and, no, that's - not where it happened.
- Nuh-uh! It's Raiders because you raid the box for chicken! - Jeff: That doesn't make any sense.
- Ah, what do you know, you old bat? Clarence: Fellas, there's no need to argue.
I remember exactly where we met.
I remember it like it was just 78 1/2 years ago.
Sumo: Ah, where are they going with my fish?! Clarence: Anyway, 78 1/2 years ago [school bell rings.]
Well, class.
I'm sure you've noticed we have a new student with us today.
Clarence, would you like to get up and say something about yourself? Actually, could I do something else a little bit? Uh, yeah, absolutely, Clarence.
This one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you, and this one's for you.
So, if you want to know about me or be my friend or something, then just come over to my house tonight for a sleepover at my house.
We can eat a lot of pizza poppers.
We can watch "the Golden girls" on my big TV, and then at midnight, we get to bust open my mystery piã'ata.
So you're probably not gonna want to miss it.
Oh, wow! Clarence, custom invitations.
That is very considerate.
- You get one, too, Mrs.
Bonestein.
- O-kay.
Uh, thank you, Clarence.
This is very thoughtful of you.
You're welcome.
So if you want to come over, just go to my house right after school, or you could come around dinnertime, or even just walk home with me.
It's up to you.
Hey, Clarence.
Do you play hacky sack? Yeah, probably.
Boooo! [Laughter.]
[Laughs.]
What do you mean no one's coming over? I thought you were having a sleepover.
Did you hand out all your invitations? Yeah, but they didn't like them.
Ooh, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Ahh! [Sighs.]
Well, who's gonna eat all these pizza poppers? - Me.
- Well, I'm going to a tupperware party at Denise's house tonight, and I'm not gonna be back till late.
If anyone does come over, make sure you clean up after yourselves, all right? [Sniffs.]
- Okay.
- Hey, if no one shows up, I'll help you eat all these when I get back.
How's that sound? And, hey, we'll get to bust open your mystery piã'ata, huh? [Gasps.]
- Mystery.
- Yow.
[Laughs.]
Chad's in my room if you need anything.
Bye, sweetie! Love you! [Door closes.]
Bye! [Telephone rings.]
- Hello? - Hi, Clarence.
This is Jeff from Lincoln Elementary School.
I'm calling to RSVP for your sleepover extravaganza.
Absolutely! Come on over whenever you want, buddy! - I got a lot of pizza poppers! - All right.
Sounds good.
I'll be there around 5:00.
Okay, bye! Love you! - Come on in, Jeff! - Ooh! What, you've never seen a secret entrance before? Hold on.
I got to unlock the door.
[Trilling.]
[Running footsteps.]
Welcome to party paradise! Let me show you around.
We could play in my tree fort or crawl around in my secret tunnel or break all this wood with a hammer or play whack-a-gopher wait till this guy lays an egg or get blowed around by this thing or break all this wood with a hammer or eat all these pizza poppers really fast.
- What do you want to do first? - Uh, n-none of it? Oh.
What do you want to do? This great lake is known for having the most water.
What is lake superior? - Oh, what is a river superior? - Brian.
What is lake superior? [Ding!.]
- Correct.
- Yes! One more for me.
Where do you even learn these things? [Doorbell rings.]
[gasps.]
I'll get it.
Hello.
Are you here for the sleepover? - Cut my hair? - [Chuckling.]
All right.
[Clippers whirring.]
[both laughing.]
- Both: Who-o-a! - Ugh! [Both laughing.]
- Correct.
- Yes! How come that kid doesn't want to play with us? - Oh, Jeff doesn't like to have fun.
- Well, let's show him how.
[Punk rock music plays.]
[Punk rock music continues.]
- Both: [grunting.]
- Yeah.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Get up.
Come on.
Dance with us.
- Get up! - Come on.
- No, no.
- Oh, come on.
Don't touch my hands! Your hands are filthy! They're full of dirt.
[Pop!.]
[Rattles.]
[hisses.]
Ahh.
[Music stops.]
Hey, who killed the jams? I love that song.
[Imitating music.]
[Gulping.]
Don't stop rockin' on my account.
This Italian treat is made by frying the skin of a pig in its own fat.
- What is ciccioli? - Brian.
- What is ciccioli? - Correct.
Pbht! - I guess rock 'n' roll isn't for everyone.
- Let's try a - different, uh - A different approach.
[gasps.]
Master level sudoku puzzle book?! [Squeals.]
- Aah! - Hey, buddy.
We're making prank calls.
You want to join us? Okay.
This one's for you.
- Ready? Go.
- Oh, um Is your refrigerator running? [Both laugh.]
Here's police department.
What's your emergency? - You called the cops?! - Uh-oh.
Hi.
Sorry.
This is kind of embarrassing, but me and my friends were just doing some, uh, pranks - Don't say that, don't say that! - Don't, don't, don't, - don't, don't, don't, don't! - Ugh! Uh, no, no.
Everything's fine.
There was a burglar, but, um we broke his legs.
- I'll send an ambulance.
- Oh, no.
You don't need to send an ambulance because - because, uh - Because he caught on fire, ran away he's gone.
Don't send anybody.
Do you think that worked? [Clock chiming.]
[gasps.]
Mystery piã'ata time! Jeff: Piã'ata? Oh, not for me.
Thank you.
Clarence: What?! Why not? Sumo: What are you talking about?! Piã'atas are awesome! Jeff: I suppose it's because I've never tried it.
Clarence: Well, Jeff, my friend, today's the day you become a man.
A piã±ata man.
[Chuckles.]
Yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piã'ata under the blindfold, eyes won't peep do it right, tie it tight, don't cheat now spin around, head pinned to the ground by the bat that's the action making a sound like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa get dizzy stand back, lift bat, get busy with a little flick of the wrist, give it a swish don't miss try to hit it into little bits and pieces to release the sweetest candy or otherwise, some other surprise it can be anything the piã'ata master fancies a risky mystery, but take the chance, please hit the piã'ata hit the piã'ata sa-sawing batta hit the piã'ata yeah, yeah, you gotta - # hit the piã'ata - hit the thing harder # - # hit the piã'ata - made out of paper # break the shape of a donkey you won't be seeing it later 'cause once you attack it make the bat smack it maybe you'll smash it into smithereens so streams of sweet treats careen to the carpet the tricky task is to swing a stick in the darkness but try your hardest and tense your back until you strike the target and make it crack hit the piã'ata hit the piã'ata sa-sawing batta hit the piã'ata yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piã'ata - # hit the thing harder - hit the piã'ata # hit the piã'ata hit the piã'ata sa-sawing batta hit the piã'ata yeah, yeah, you gotta hit the piã'ata - # hit the thing harder - hit the piã'ata # [rope creaks.]
Sumo: [chuckling.]
[Chuckles.]
You guys are gonna crack up when you see what's inside this thing.
All right, Jeff.
You're dizzy enough.
[Quivering.]
Oh, oh, oh.
[Laughter.]
Hi-yah! [Light buzzing.]
[Thinking.]
Wait a minute.
What's that sound? Could it be? Do you want some honey in your tea, Sumo? You're gonna be very surprised by my mystery piã'ata.
Hold on.
I got to change out of my bee suit.
[Laughs.]
[Gasps.]
Nooooooo! - Hi-yah! - Nooooooo! And the mystery is [buzzing.]
bees! [Jeff and Sumo screaming.]
[screaming continues.]
Aw, man! That does look like fun.
[Siren wails.]
[tires screech.]
- Nobody move! - Oh.
We got a call about a robbery, fiery homicide.
Uh, I don't know.
[Kids screaming.]
[Whimpers.]
[bees buzzing.]
Hey, don't come on stay over! - Mmm.
- I'm sorry I got you guys stung.
I just really wanted you guys to have fun.
- I had fun.
- Oh, yeah.
- This is the best sleepover ever.
- Oh, cool.
Ow.
And that's how we became best friends [mechanized whirring.]
and decided to spend the rest of our lives together.
- Sumo: I don't remember any of that.
- Jeff: Yeah, me neither.
Clarence: It was a long time ago, duh.
[Mechanized whirring.]
Your memory banks are probably just fuzzy.
- Uh, fuzzy.
Mm.
- Clarence: I'm gonna go for a jog.
[Mechanized whirring.]
["The Jetsons" music playing.]
[Spaceship whirs.]
[Plop!.]
["The Jetsons" music continues.]
[plop! plop!.]
Jeff, get me off this crazy thing!