Friends s01e24 Episode Script

Oh, here's little Ben falling asleep.
A little bit later.
Is he gonna sleep? Is he gonna sleep? Is he gonna? Yep, out like a light! This sure trumps the "Has he pooped?" series.
Ross, we love him, okay? But right now he's just a little fat guy.
How excited can we get? -What you got? -400 pictures of Ben on a rug.
-Oh, my God! -Let me see! The One Where Rachel Finds Out Here's little Ben nodding off.
Look at Aunt Monica's little boy! -Look, he's got Ross haircut.
-Let me see.
Oh, God! Is he just the sweetest thing? You must just wanna kiss him all over.
That would be nice.
-Pardon? -Nothing.
Just a little extra air in my mouth.
Chan, can you help me out? I'll pay you back.
Right.
Including the waffles last week, you now owe me 1 7 jillion dollars.
-Really, I'll pay you back this time.
-Where's this money coming from? I'm helping out at the NYU Med School with research.
What kind of research? Just, you know, science.
Science.
Yeah, I think I've heard of that.
It's a fertility study.
Joey, please tell me you're only donating your time.
Actually, a little more than that.
Thank you, God.
This will bring us so much joy.
Come on, it's not that big a deal.
I just go down there every other day and make my contribution to the project.
But at the end of two weeks, I get $700! You're gonna be making money hand over fist.
That's funny.
Very funny.
This is great.
I actually know somebody who loves what they do.
But what do you do to unwind after a tough day at work? Okay, we got the coleslaw and buns.
The ground-up flesh of formerly cute cows and turkeys.
I just love barbecuing with you.
Men are here! We make fire.
Cook meat.
Put out fire by peeing, no get invited back.
Cute.
-Melanie called.
She'll be late.
-Okay.
How are things going? Is she becoming your "special someone"? I don't know.
She's pretty great.
What does she think of your little science project? You think I'd tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup? Man's got a point.
The tough thing is, she really wants to have sex.
Crazy bitch.
I got a week left to go.
According to the rules I can't conduct personal experiments, if you know what I mean.
Joey, we always know what you mean.
How long did you think this barbecue would last? -I'm going to China.
-Jeez, you say one thing, and.
-China? -For the museum.
Someone found a bone.
They don't want us to have it.
I'm going to try to persuade them.
It's a whole big bone thing.
Anyway, I'll be gone for a week.
If you want to reach me, you can't.
So here's my itinerary.
-Here's a picture of me.
-Oh, let me see.
Could you show it to Ben every now and then so he doesn't forget me? "Hi, Ben.
I'm your father.
" "I am The Head!" This barbecue's gonna be very fun.
I wanted to wish Rachel a happy birthday before I left.
-She's out having drinks with Carl.
-Hey, who's Carl? That guy she met at the coffeehouse.
-There's this guy she met at -The coffeehouse? Right.
So you do know who he is.
I'll go say goodbye to the guys.
Hey, you know what? Tell them that bone story.
-I have to go to China.
-The country? No, this big pile of dishes in my mom's breakfront.
Do you know who Carl is? Let's see.
Alvin, Simon, Theodore.
No.
Rachel's having drinks with him tonight.
How can she, when she's never shown interest in you? -Forget about her.
-He's right.
Please move on.
Go to China.
Eat Chinese food.
Of course, there they just call it "food.
" Yeah, I guess.
I don't know.
All right, just give her this for me, okay? We're looking out for you.
We want you to be happy.
I may only have a couple beers in me, but I love you.
I'm still on my first.
I just think you're nice.
That's when we started this fruit basket business.
We call ourselves "The Three Basketeers.
" Like "The Three Musketeers," only with fruit.
-How do you want your burgers? -Presents first! We're doing presents first.
Hey, hold on there, tiger.
How are you holding up? Well, not so good.
She thinks tonight we're gonna complete the transaction, if you know what And you do.
Have you ever thought about being there for her? What do you mean? You know, just be there for her.
Not following you.
Think about it.
Okay.
I'm guessing this is from.
-Thank you, Melanie.
-This one right here is from me.
Okay.
It's light.
It rattles.
It's Travel Scrabble! Thank you.
This one's from Joey.
It feels like a book, I think it's a book.
And it's a book! It's Dr.
Seuss! That book got me through some tough times.
There's a little child inside this man.
The doctors say if they remove it, he'll die.
-Who's this from? -From Ross.
Oh, my God! He remembered! -Remembered what? -lt was months ago.
We walked by this antique store.
I saw this pin.
I told him it was like one my grandma had when I was little.
I can't believe he remembered! Well, sure, but can you play it on a plane? It's so pretty! This must've cost him a fortune.
I can't believe it.
Remember when he fell in love with Carol and bought her that expensive crystal duck? What did you just say? Crystal duck.
No, no, no.
The "love" part? -Oh, my God! -Oh, no, no, no.
That's good.
Just keep rubbing your head.
That'll turn back time.
This is unbelievable.
I mean, this is unbelievable! I know.
This is really, really huge.
No, it's not.
It's small.
It's tiny.
It's petite.
It's wee.
I don't think any of our lives will ever be the same ever again.
Is there a mute button on this woman? I think this is so great.
I mean, you and Ross! -Did you have any idea? -No, none! My first night in the city, he mentioned asking me out but nothing ever happened.
What else did he say? Does he wanna go out? Given that he's in love with you he wouldn't mind getting a cup of coffee.
Ross? All this time? I've gotta talk to him.
-He's in China! -The country.
Is his flight gone? Yes! He's watching a woman do this: He's gone! His flight doesn't leave for 45 minutes.
-What about time difference? -From here to the airport? -You'll never make it! -I've gotta try.
What'll you say to him? -I don't know.
-Then you shouldn't go.
Right.
If you're gonna break his heart, that can wait.
But if it's good, tell him now.
-Maybe I'll know when I see him.
-All right, does this help? No.
Look, all I know is, I cannot wait a week.
This is just too big.
I've just gotta talk to him.
Okay, I'll see you later.
Rachel, I love you! Deal with me first! All right.
-Ross! Excuse me, pardon me.
-Your boarding pass? I need to talk to my friend.
Sorry, you're not allowed here without a pass.
He's right there, in the blue jacket! Can l? I'm sorry.
Federal regulations! Then could you please just give him a message for me? -This is very important.
-All right.
What's the message? I don't know.
Excuse me, sir! Excuse me, sir? I have a message for you.
Rachel loved the present.
She'll see you when you get back.
What? Toby, I don't know what she's talking about.
There's no Rachel.
Don't give me that deep freeze.
Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey! I think I blacked out there for a minute.
It was nothing.
Well, now we gotta find something fun for you.
You know what? Forget about me.
Let's give you another turn.
-Me, again? -Sure.
Why not? Boy, somebody's gonna get a big fruit basket tomorrow! I gotta tell you, you are nothing like I thought you'd be.
How do you mean? I had you pegged as a guy who's always, "Me, me, me!" But you, you're a giver.
You're the most generous man I ever met.
I mean, you're practically a woman.
-You're just saying that.
-No.
A woman! -So? -I missed him.
-I'm so sorry.
-That's too bad.
Yeah, right.
No, I feel bad for her.
I do.
I can think of somebody other than myself.
All right, I'm going to bed.
-Happy birthday.
Hang in there.
-Thanks.
Yes! Pizza coupons.
Okay.
You guys want help cleaning up this mess? That'd be great.
So, Rach, you wanna save this wrapping paper? Are you gonna go for it with Ross or should I throw it out? I don't know.
I don't know.
Thought about it all the way there and I thought about it all the way back.
You know, it's Ross! You know what I mean? It's Ross.
-Sure! -Sure.
I don't know.
This is just my initial gut feeling but I'm thinking it'd be really great.
Oh, my God, me too! We'd be like friends-in-law! The best part is you already know all about him.
You start on the 1 5th date.
But it would be like starting on the 1 5th date.
Another good point.
I mean, on the 1 5th date, you're already in a very "relationship-y" place.
You're committed.
What happens if it doesn't work out? -Why isn't it working out? -Sometimes it doesn't.
Is he not cute enough? Does he not make enough money? -No, I'm just -Maybe there's someone else.
-ls there someone else? -No, there is no one else.
Then why are you dumping my brother? Hey, big Spender! She's still asleep.
-So how'd it go? -You know how you think you're great? The fact you'd even ask shows how little you know me.
Last night I couldn't do the thing that usually makes me great.
So I had to do all this other stuff.
And the response I got! Man, oh, man! It was like a ticker-tape parade! I know.
My room's very, very close to the parade route.
It was amazing, and not just for her.
For me too! It's like, all of a sudden I'm blind but all my other senses are heightened.
It's like I was able to appreciate it on another level.
-I didn't know you had another level.
-I know.
Neither did l! Is something going on with O.
J.
? Hey, great skirt.
Birthday present? -From who? -You.
I exchanged the blouse you got me.
Well, it's the thought.
Doesn't Ross'flight get in in a couple hours? At gate 27B? Yeah.
Monica, you know, I've been thinking about it.
I've decided this Ross thing is not a good idea.
Why? I feel like I wouldn't just be going out with him.
I'd be going out with all of you.
There'd be pressure No pressure, no pressure! Nothing has happened, and you're already so I'm not "so.
" Okay, I was a teensy bit weird at first but I'll be good.
I promise.
-Who is it? -It's me, Carl.
-Come on up.
-Behind my brother's back? Is the kind of crazy thing you won't be hearing from me.
-Seven hundred bucks! -All right, you did it! Do we have any fruit? Man, hell of a two weeks.
You know what? I feel I learned something.
You'll stick with this "all for her" thing? What are you, crazy? When a blind man gets his sight back, does he walk around like this? If I see one more picture of Ed Begley Jr in that stupid electric car, I'm gonna shoot myself! I'm not against environmental issues, per se it's just that guy! I can't believe you'd rather go out with him than me.
Excuse me, I'm trying to have a date here.
Fine.
Just stop thinking about me.
Can't do it, can you? I'm thinking about you.
So what? I don't get it.
What do you see in this guy? Happens to be a very nice guy.
I mean, come on, buddy! Get a real car! Rachel, come on.
Give us a chance.
Ross, it's too hard.
Why, because it'll get weird for everyone else? This is about us.
I've been in love with you since the ninth grade.
You're like my best friend.
If we broke up, and I lost you What makes you think that? Have you been involved where you haven't broken up? No.
But it only has to happen once.
You and I both know we are perfect for each other.
Right? So the only question is: Are you attracted to me? I don't know.
I mean, I've never looked at you that way before.
Well, start looking.
-Wow.
-Exactly! And I'm gonna be the guy caught behind this hammerhead in traffic! Right! You're right.
You know what? I'm supposed to pick up a friend at the airport.
I am so sorry! If you wanna finish your drinks, please do.
-I'm sorry, I gotta go.
I'm sorry.
-But.
-Where are you going? -To get Ross.
-My God, this is so exciting! -I know.
If you want the rest of my date, I'm not gonna finish it.
-Rachel, he's not a sandwich.
-No, he's a banker with opera tickets.
Hello! -Where you going? -Airport.
You can't tell him.
There's so much I haven't done.
I haven't watched Baywatch with Yasmine Bleeth! Chandler, relax.
This is a good going to the airport.
Oh, well then fly, good woman, fly like the wind.
-I'm flying! -Tell him I'm the one who blew it! Yes, another successful case for the love doctor.
Excuse me! Pardon me.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Toby, for God's sake, will you let it go? There's no Rachel! Hey! I got that.
-Thanks, sweetie.
-No problem.
I can't wait for you to meet my friends.
You don't think they'll judge me? -No, they will.
I just.
-Can't wait! Come on, they're gonna love you.