Kung Fu Panda: The Paws of Destiny (2018) s01e24 Episode Script
House of Flying Pandas
Shi Long's Guards were closing in fast.
And there were too many to take on myself.
I'm no use to Xiao captured so I had no other choice but to escape.
And Xiao refused to leave? That just doesn't make sense.
She believes Shi Long has the power - Huh? - to destroy the entire kingdom.
We have to save Xiao! We're no use to Xiao captured, either.
There's an underground water system down this way.
If we follow it, I bet it'll lead us outside.
No way! Nu-uh! Not happening! I am not following you anymore! My fearless gang and I are out! - We are? - We are? What? Don't you want to help save the Empress? Save China? Maybe even the world? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I believe I have done more than my fair share of saving.
I have risked fluff and feather getting you all out of some pretty sticky situations.
But did I even get a thank you note? No! You are the one who got us into those sticky situations! Cart died because of you! He had his whole life ahead of him.
See? Under appreciated! Well, no longer! I do not need that kind of negativity in my life.
From now on, I only look out for numero uno! And these two, I guess.
Aw, gee, thanks, boss.
Sayonara Ingrates! Should we try to stop them? No.
Wait.
Don't go.
Didn't work.
This is the last place to check.
Run! Have I told you how proud I am of you? Oh, Daddy.
Stop, please.
I don't deserve it.
I don't deserve any of it.
I'm not ready to be Empress.
Dear daughter, you are stronger than you realize.
But what if, now hear me out What if you stay Emperor for a little while longer? Just until I've had more training.
Two, maybe three hundred more years? Or better yet, Shi Long would make No, dear.
China needs a ruler that is not cruel and unyielding.
But one who is kind and receptive.
That is you.
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
It's time to wake up now.
Wait, what? Fan Tong? Huh? First, my dead father visits me, then my, my dead best friend? Who next, cruel world? My mother? My childhood imaginary friend, Weird Eric? Oh, weird Eric.
Oh, you were taken too soon! The guards are gaining on us! Outta my friggin' way.
Jade Tusk, I just want to say Will you get going? Hiyah! Come on.
Get ready to fetch some fist, doggies.
Fan Tong, let's go! Ha, ha.
So long, emotional support dorks.
- Bye! - Good luck! Mama! There's a light at the end of the tunnel! Nice optimism, Nu Hai.
Oh, an actual light.
That can't be good.
How you doin', Po? Huh? Oh, not again.
Again.
Oh, it's that turtle guy! You have a lot of explaining to do, Mister! No way! The Master Oogway? I get to meet the Master Oogway? That so makes up for being dead.
Yeah, who needs life when there's a musty old turtle to hang out with.
If this is the Spirit Realm, where's my husband? He owes me money.
Master Oogway? Sorry, I don't mean to overstep, but have you always had a monkey tail? Not judging, just asking.
Huh? Ha, ha, you got me! What are you doing in the Spirit Realm? Yeah, well, funny story We're not actually in the Spirit Realm.
This is just a regular beach! Better question.
What have you guys been doing to get yourselves on the bad side of the government? We were framed! For most of that stuff.
Okay, your turn.
Yeah, what are you doing here? Seriously.
Yeah! All right, all right.
Enough with the third degree.
Full disclosure.
Aw, come on! It's no coinkydink we keep bumping into each other.
Now, I know some of you are familiar with the White Bone Demon Ugh, not this again.
What does a mythical evil spirit have to do with this? "Mythical"? She's no more mythical than I am.
And she and I have a bit of a history.
Sun Wukong versus the White Bone Demon.
Round one.
Fight! She made the mistake of trying to steal my soul.
I defeated her with my epic fighting skills.
And also the help of my magical crown.
And plunged her demon spirit deep into the earth's core.
Sun Wukong wins! Wait a minute, you're saying the White Bone Demon story Rooster told us was real? Of course it was real! Now quit interrupting! Round two! Years later, I stumbled upon the mythical Red Jade Mine.
But before I could even touch one tiny nugget, all the jade was stolen, along with my crown.
The gods blamed me for taking the jade.
I had to find worthy warriors to help me get it back.
Yada yada yada, and here we are.
But, the White Bone Demon can't be working alone.
She doesn't have a body, so she can't exactly steal, see? Now, who could it be? Hmm? Who could it be? It's gotta be Shi Long! Geesh! Finally! Excuse me? I heard pandas were slow but Why didn't you stop her? The White Bone Demon has my crown! It's the whole reason I was strong enough to defeat her in the first place! Well, you could have given us a little heads up! Would you have helped me if I had? - Yeah! - I guess.
No! Well, too late now.
So what do we know? We know Shi Long has a large Terra Cotta Army.
Which is being powered by Red Jade.
Power an army? Red Jade can't do that on its own.
It's a powerful conductor, but it needs a source to conduct.
Oh, what about the Wellspring? The legendary Wellspring? The source of all light and life in the Universe? I'd say that'd do it.
Then it's a good thing the Wellspring is safe and sound in Panda Village What? You didn't tell him? Uh, Son.
The Wellspring.
It, uh, was stolen.
- Right out from under our panda noses! - What? Seriously? You had one job! If the lizard lady has the chi infused Red Jade that's enough to power an army and create a pathway from the Realm of the Dead straight into the Physical Realm! So, we have to stop Shi Long before she can even start.
As long as the White Bone Demon stays out of our realm we should be fine.
My instincts are never wrong.
Just a few more small steps.
You said that an hour ago! So then there will be even fewer small steps, now won't there? No, no.
Hey, Nu Hai? It's no use, Master Po.
I'm out of good ideas.
Maybe it was just a fluke that those other plans worked out anyway.
Maybe I'm not cut out for this.
Maybe You know who you remind me of? You? No, Tigress.
I do? Yeah.
She would stress out coming up with plans, too.
But they always worked.
Eventually, she learned to stop stressing.
Me, I'm more of a act before I think kinda guy.
A fly-by-the-seat-of-my- burlap-pants type.
A pantser, if you will.
That's why Tigress and I made such a good team.
Just like you and me.
Wow, Master Po, that means a lot.
I mean, Tigress is my idol.
Oh.
Um.
Ouch.
Okay, well, good feedback.
Ooh, I got an idea! Yeah, I'm sure Tigress would be proud.
If she were here.
Which she isn't.
I am, though.
But she's the one who taught you Kung Fu Oh, wait, that was me.
Good morning, Xiao.
We must begin the preparations.
It's quite the big day, you know.
Don't worry, all the usual pomp and circumstance will proceed with only a few minor adjustments.
There is one very important thing, though.
Right before your furry little tail can grace the royal throne, you must address your people and tell them you are unfit to rule.
Good girl.
Now, I've taken the liberty of preparing a speech for you to memorize.
Just a little something to let the people know I'll be taking over.
You are gonna look so cute when you abdicate.
Okay, everybody, listen up! I'm pretty wired on fermented coconut juice, so bear with me if I talk too fast.
I stayed up all night preparing these classic cons for our mission.
I'd say we're looking at a Hero, a Humiliation, two Sichuan Twelves, two Blue Flowers and not to mention the biggest Pekingese Surprise ever.
Hmm.
Well, Jade Tusk clearly knows what each of these plans entails.
And, of course, clearly I do too, no question.
But just for the sake of these noobs, just to be safe, I mean, why don't you walk us I mean, them through it? Jing and I will sneak into the Empress's Ceremonial Procession on its way to the enthronement and convince Xiao not to abdicate.
No, no, no.
All wrong.
You must glide, glide! When Xiao gets to the Palace a disguised Bao and Fan Tong will already be in the crowd.
We hear you sell disguises.
Yeah, and not just to the ugly people.
Once Xiao is officially Empress, Master Po will find a way to create a diversion.
Darkness.
Who am I? Well, she's definitely a diversion.
Mr.
Ping, Li, and Grandma will sneak Xiao out of the palace.
We need some intel.
And we also need your cart.
Meanwhile, Jade Tusk and her Monks will destroy the Terra Cotta Warriors.
Then we'll all meet back up at the Plum Blossom Temple and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
It's perfect! Psst, Nu Hai, look.
The fan dancers weren't supposed to be armed! You're right.
Well, we tried planning.
Now let's try pantsing.
Follow my lead.
Huh? Excuse me, pardon me, sorry.
Xiao, it's Nu Hai.
Xiao? Huh? Oh, boy! Aw, man, we gotta get closer! Excuse me, pardon me! Sorry.
Why are you donning masks of known and wanted criminals? We're the entertainment for the Empress.
Yeah, we're here to show how dumb the Four Constellations are.
I'm Nu Hai.
I'm totally jealous of my hot brother Bao and his 'it' factor.
Yeah! And I'm Jing! I'm in an existential bad mood all the time because of an emotional darkness stemming from a bad childhood nap! It's funny 'cause it's true.
You can go.
There's the Empress! No, there's the Empress! If she's up there, that means Nu Hai and Jing couldn't get to her.
Huh? When did you get so brave? Fan Tong! You're alive! I mean, sure Fan Tong's alive and all, but more importantly, Bao is alive and ready to Are you crying? No.
Emotions? Ah, this is all you, FT.
I'm so glad to see you.
But you have to leave, it's not safe.
We know you're going to give up the throne to Shi Long.
What? How did you You don't understand.
There are bigger things to worry about.
No, you don't understand.
An Empress is supposed to protect her people.
And giving Shi Long the throne is the only way to do that.
But, Xiao Not now, Bao! I'm not trying to get between you guys this time, I swear.
Guards coming this way.
We gotta move now.
Don't do it, Xiao.
Don't abdicate! It's time, Empress.
I'm sorry.
Just your regular caterer doing cater-y things.
It worked! I knew we could do it! You spoke too soon, nitwit.
I realize that now, and I deeply regret how soon I spoke.
Huh? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Empress, over here! Empress! Where's Master Po with that diversion? I don't know, we just gotta trust he'll come through.
We did it.
We beat 'em! I knew we could do it! Seriously? Again? Oh, boy.
Thank you so much for being here to celebrate this most auspicious day.
It means the world to me.
As many of you know, the royal advisor Shi Long has been more than just an advisor.
She's been my best friend.
And my sister.
While I use my time to write emotional song lyrics and pursue a degree in art history, I can only hope she will rule China with the same love and care she's shown me all these years.
Effective immediately, I abdicate What's that? How y'all doing tonight? Not what I expected, but it works.
Stop! We can't let this go on.
Shi Long was gonna make the Empress give up her throne for some nefarious purpose I'm not all that sure about exactly.
But I'm pretty sure there's an evil army that's being powered by chi.
So that's definitely not good.
Master Po is right! What did she say? These are quite harsh accusations, Master Po, especially coming from the likes of you.
You're right.
But, wait, what do you mean, "the likes of you?" You and your students have been ravaging this country.
All that power has gone to your heads.
Citizens! Before you stand the real enemies.
They have been using their powers to create the drought and then hijacking the dirigibles of provisions we've been sending across China.
It's true, I have been raising an army.
To protect all of you from them.
Guards, release the protectors! Take these traitors into custody.
And there were too many to take on myself.
I'm no use to Xiao captured so I had no other choice but to escape.
And Xiao refused to leave? That just doesn't make sense.
She believes Shi Long has the power - Huh? - to destroy the entire kingdom.
We have to save Xiao! We're no use to Xiao captured, either.
There's an underground water system down this way.
If we follow it, I bet it'll lead us outside.
No way! Nu-uh! Not happening! I am not following you anymore! My fearless gang and I are out! - We are? - We are? What? Don't you want to help save the Empress? Save China? Maybe even the world? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I believe I have done more than my fair share of saving.
I have risked fluff and feather getting you all out of some pretty sticky situations.
But did I even get a thank you note? No! You are the one who got us into those sticky situations! Cart died because of you! He had his whole life ahead of him.
See? Under appreciated! Well, no longer! I do not need that kind of negativity in my life.
From now on, I only look out for numero uno! And these two, I guess.
Aw, gee, thanks, boss.
Sayonara Ingrates! Should we try to stop them? No.
Wait.
Don't go.
Didn't work.
This is the last place to check.
Run! Have I told you how proud I am of you? Oh, Daddy.
Stop, please.
I don't deserve it.
I don't deserve any of it.
I'm not ready to be Empress.
Dear daughter, you are stronger than you realize.
But what if, now hear me out What if you stay Emperor for a little while longer? Just until I've had more training.
Two, maybe three hundred more years? Or better yet, Shi Long would make No, dear.
China needs a ruler that is not cruel and unyielding.
But one who is kind and receptive.
That is you.
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
It's time to wake up now.
Wait, what? Fan Tong? Huh? First, my dead father visits me, then my, my dead best friend? Who next, cruel world? My mother? My childhood imaginary friend, Weird Eric? Oh, weird Eric.
Oh, you were taken too soon! The guards are gaining on us! Outta my friggin' way.
Jade Tusk, I just want to say Will you get going? Hiyah! Come on.
Get ready to fetch some fist, doggies.
Fan Tong, let's go! Ha, ha.
So long, emotional support dorks.
- Bye! - Good luck! Mama! There's a light at the end of the tunnel! Nice optimism, Nu Hai.
Oh, an actual light.
That can't be good.
How you doin', Po? Huh? Oh, not again.
Again.
Oh, it's that turtle guy! You have a lot of explaining to do, Mister! No way! The Master Oogway? I get to meet the Master Oogway? That so makes up for being dead.
Yeah, who needs life when there's a musty old turtle to hang out with.
If this is the Spirit Realm, where's my husband? He owes me money.
Master Oogway? Sorry, I don't mean to overstep, but have you always had a monkey tail? Not judging, just asking.
Huh? Ha, ha, you got me! What are you doing in the Spirit Realm? Yeah, well, funny story We're not actually in the Spirit Realm.
This is just a regular beach! Better question.
What have you guys been doing to get yourselves on the bad side of the government? We were framed! For most of that stuff.
Okay, your turn.
Yeah, what are you doing here? Seriously.
Yeah! All right, all right.
Enough with the third degree.
Full disclosure.
Aw, come on! It's no coinkydink we keep bumping into each other.
Now, I know some of you are familiar with the White Bone Demon Ugh, not this again.
What does a mythical evil spirit have to do with this? "Mythical"? She's no more mythical than I am.
And she and I have a bit of a history.
Sun Wukong versus the White Bone Demon.
Round one.
Fight! She made the mistake of trying to steal my soul.
I defeated her with my epic fighting skills.
And also the help of my magical crown.
And plunged her demon spirit deep into the earth's core.
Sun Wukong wins! Wait a minute, you're saying the White Bone Demon story Rooster told us was real? Of course it was real! Now quit interrupting! Round two! Years later, I stumbled upon the mythical Red Jade Mine.
But before I could even touch one tiny nugget, all the jade was stolen, along with my crown.
The gods blamed me for taking the jade.
I had to find worthy warriors to help me get it back.
Yada yada yada, and here we are.
But, the White Bone Demon can't be working alone.
She doesn't have a body, so she can't exactly steal, see? Now, who could it be? Hmm? Who could it be? It's gotta be Shi Long! Geesh! Finally! Excuse me? I heard pandas were slow but Why didn't you stop her? The White Bone Demon has my crown! It's the whole reason I was strong enough to defeat her in the first place! Well, you could have given us a little heads up! Would you have helped me if I had? - Yeah! - I guess.
No! Well, too late now.
So what do we know? We know Shi Long has a large Terra Cotta Army.
Which is being powered by Red Jade.
Power an army? Red Jade can't do that on its own.
It's a powerful conductor, but it needs a source to conduct.
Oh, what about the Wellspring? The legendary Wellspring? The source of all light and life in the Universe? I'd say that'd do it.
Then it's a good thing the Wellspring is safe and sound in Panda Village What? You didn't tell him? Uh, Son.
The Wellspring.
It, uh, was stolen.
- Right out from under our panda noses! - What? Seriously? You had one job! If the lizard lady has the chi infused Red Jade that's enough to power an army and create a pathway from the Realm of the Dead straight into the Physical Realm! So, we have to stop Shi Long before she can even start.
As long as the White Bone Demon stays out of our realm we should be fine.
My instincts are never wrong.
Just a few more small steps.
You said that an hour ago! So then there will be even fewer small steps, now won't there? No, no.
Hey, Nu Hai? It's no use, Master Po.
I'm out of good ideas.
Maybe it was just a fluke that those other plans worked out anyway.
Maybe I'm not cut out for this.
Maybe You know who you remind me of? You? No, Tigress.
I do? Yeah.
She would stress out coming up with plans, too.
But they always worked.
Eventually, she learned to stop stressing.
Me, I'm more of a act before I think kinda guy.
A fly-by-the-seat-of-my- burlap-pants type.
A pantser, if you will.
That's why Tigress and I made such a good team.
Just like you and me.
Wow, Master Po, that means a lot.
I mean, Tigress is my idol.
Oh.
Um.
Ouch.
Okay, well, good feedback.
Ooh, I got an idea! Yeah, I'm sure Tigress would be proud.
If she were here.
Which she isn't.
I am, though.
But she's the one who taught you Kung Fu Oh, wait, that was me.
Good morning, Xiao.
We must begin the preparations.
It's quite the big day, you know.
Don't worry, all the usual pomp and circumstance will proceed with only a few minor adjustments.
There is one very important thing, though.
Right before your furry little tail can grace the royal throne, you must address your people and tell them you are unfit to rule.
Good girl.
Now, I've taken the liberty of preparing a speech for you to memorize.
Just a little something to let the people know I'll be taking over.
You are gonna look so cute when you abdicate.
Okay, everybody, listen up! I'm pretty wired on fermented coconut juice, so bear with me if I talk too fast.
I stayed up all night preparing these classic cons for our mission.
I'd say we're looking at a Hero, a Humiliation, two Sichuan Twelves, two Blue Flowers and not to mention the biggest Pekingese Surprise ever.
Hmm.
Well, Jade Tusk clearly knows what each of these plans entails.
And, of course, clearly I do too, no question.
But just for the sake of these noobs, just to be safe, I mean, why don't you walk us I mean, them through it? Jing and I will sneak into the Empress's Ceremonial Procession on its way to the enthronement and convince Xiao not to abdicate.
No, no, no.
All wrong.
You must glide, glide! When Xiao gets to the Palace a disguised Bao and Fan Tong will already be in the crowd.
We hear you sell disguises.
Yeah, and not just to the ugly people.
Once Xiao is officially Empress, Master Po will find a way to create a diversion.
Darkness.
Who am I? Well, she's definitely a diversion.
Mr.
Ping, Li, and Grandma will sneak Xiao out of the palace.
We need some intel.
And we also need your cart.
Meanwhile, Jade Tusk and her Monks will destroy the Terra Cotta Warriors.
Then we'll all meet back up at the Plum Blossom Temple and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
It's perfect! Psst, Nu Hai, look.
The fan dancers weren't supposed to be armed! You're right.
Well, we tried planning.
Now let's try pantsing.
Follow my lead.
Huh? Excuse me, pardon me, sorry.
Xiao, it's Nu Hai.
Xiao? Huh? Oh, boy! Aw, man, we gotta get closer! Excuse me, pardon me! Sorry.
Why are you donning masks of known and wanted criminals? We're the entertainment for the Empress.
Yeah, we're here to show how dumb the Four Constellations are.
I'm Nu Hai.
I'm totally jealous of my hot brother Bao and his 'it' factor.
Yeah! And I'm Jing! I'm in an existential bad mood all the time because of an emotional darkness stemming from a bad childhood nap! It's funny 'cause it's true.
You can go.
There's the Empress! No, there's the Empress! If she's up there, that means Nu Hai and Jing couldn't get to her.
Huh? When did you get so brave? Fan Tong! You're alive! I mean, sure Fan Tong's alive and all, but more importantly, Bao is alive and ready to Are you crying? No.
Emotions? Ah, this is all you, FT.
I'm so glad to see you.
But you have to leave, it's not safe.
We know you're going to give up the throne to Shi Long.
What? How did you You don't understand.
There are bigger things to worry about.
No, you don't understand.
An Empress is supposed to protect her people.
And giving Shi Long the throne is the only way to do that.
But, Xiao Not now, Bao! I'm not trying to get between you guys this time, I swear.
Guards coming this way.
We gotta move now.
Don't do it, Xiao.
Don't abdicate! It's time, Empress.
I'm sorry.
Just your regular caterer doing cater-y things.
It worked! I knew we could do it! You spoke too soon, nitwit.
I realize that now, and I deeply regret how soon I spoke.
Huh? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Empress, over here! Empress! Where's Master Po with that diversion? I don't know, we just gotta trust he'll come through.
We did it.
We beat 'em! I knew we could do it! Seriously? Again? Oh, boy.
Thank you so much for being here to celebrate this most auspicious day.
It means the world to me.
As many of you know, the royal advisor Shi Long has been more than just an advisor.
She's been my best friend.
And my sister.
While I use my time to write emotional song lyrics and pursue a degree in art history, I can only hope she will rule China with the same love and care she's shown me all these years.
Effective immediately, I abdicate What's that? How y'all doing tonight? Not what I expected, but it works.
Stop! We can't let this go on.
Shi Long was gonna make the Empress give up her throne for some nefarious purpose I'm not all that sure about exactly.
But I'm pretty sure there's an evil army that's being powered by chi.
So that's definitely not good.
Master Po is right! What did she say? These are quite harsh accusations, Master Po, especially coming from the likes of you.
You're right.
But, wait, what do you mean, "the likes of you?" You and your students have been ravaging this country.
All that power has gone to your heads.
Citizens! Before you stand the real enemies.
They have been using their powers to create the drought and then hijacking the dirigibles of provisions we've been sending across China.
It's true, I have been raising an army.
To protect all of you from them.
Guards, release the protectors! Take these traitors into custody.