Lost In Space (1965) s01e24 Episode Script
His Majesty Smith
[ Man Narrating .]
Last week, as you recall, Will had joined Dr.
Smith and the Robot in a search for wild truffles little dreaming that they would find something far different something that would plunge them into an incredible adventure with creatures from another mysterious world.
Dr.
Smith, look.
[ Will .]
A crown.
I see it's a crown.
I have eyes in my head.
The question is, what is a crown doing here? Will, what have I told you - about handling other people's property? - But, Dr.
Smith-- But me no buts, my boy.
We will respect the rights of others.
No doubt the owner will shortly appear to claim his property.
I wonder where it came from and who left it? That is none of our business.
Oh my, those rubies are as large as hens' eggs.
[ Will .]
Ah-ah-ah, Dr.
Smith.
I was only checking to make certain that it was secure.
If it fell over, some of that lovely workmanship might be damaged.
Come along, Will.
Let's get on about our truffles.
- [ Gasps .]
Bless me.
I forgot my truffle tool.
- I'll get it.
Never mind, I'll do it.
Why don't you go on ahead with the Robot? And if you find any truffles, call out loud.
- Yes, sir.
- Uh, quite loud.
Okay.
Ahh.
A world ransom in jewels.
Now what to do with it.
Well [ Thunder, Electrical Static .]
[ Grunting .]
- [ Thunder .]
- [ Dr.
Smith Yelling .]
- [ Yelling Continues .]
- [ Thunder .]
- [ Electrical Static .]
- Help! - Help! Somebody take this off! - Come on! [ Yelling .]
Help! Save me! Ohh! Oh.
Oh.
Oh, what a horrible feeling.
That thing just wouldn't let go of me.
A thousand and one pins and needles penetrated every inch of my body.
Now, you be careful with that thing, my boy.
It bites! Well, if wouldn't have happened if you hadn't touched it.
Remember what you said about property rights.
When you grow up, my boy I hope you will also grow in tolerance for the weaknesses of others.
I just couldn't help myself.
Now, put it down.
Put it down! There is no danger in this object for the boy.
Quiet, you disreputable dunce! Why didn't you help me in my hour of need? Hey, look, Dr.
Smith, it fits.
Take it off, my boy.
Take it off! ## [ Fanfare .]
- ## [ Ends .]
- Look.
Human beings? Here? I am Nexus of Andronica.
My companions and I have crossed seeking a being worthy to wear that crown.
At last we have found him.
All hail our majesty.
My name's Will Robinson, Mr.
Nexus.
But I'm not a king.
I'm only from the planet Earth.
Allow me to present myself.
I am Dr.
Zachary Smith.
Are you related to this boy? [ Dr.
Smith .]
I am his dear friend, his counselor and his guide.
Now, tell me, sir, what are your proposals with reference to the boy? We intend to crown him King of Andronica.
How perfectly splendid! Will, did you hear that? You are to become a king.
Why did you come here looking for a king, Mr.
Nexus? It is a tradition that a king of Andronica must always come from off-planet stock to prevent weak rulers.
- Well, thanks, Mr.
Nexus, but I guess not.
- Will, what are you saying? Well, look, if I became their king, I'd have to leave my family and I couldn't do that.
Of course you could.
Take them with you.
- No? - It is impossible.
I see.
Will - would you excuse us, please? - Yeah.
Sure, Dr.
Smith.
And take him with you.
Let's go.
- A fine little lad.
I know he'll make an excellent king.
- But he has refused.
I have a great deal of influence over his young mind.
I know I can convince him to see reason.
Of course, it will have to be made worth my while.
Perhaps a regency until the boy comes of age.
That would place a great deal of power in your hands, Dr.
Smith.
You would be virtually ruler of Andronica and its subject planets.
Suppose the boy continues to refuse? Then we must select another candidate one of sublime intelligence, extraordinary valor, judicial wisdom and royal bearing.
That does narrow the field somewhat.
Now, tell me.
If I were to find such a person among our little group would there be a finder's fee? You would be amply rewarded.
Oh, by the way, I should mention that I am Irish on my maternal grandmother's side.
- Is that important? - Only inasmuch as all the Irish are descended from kings.
The royal blood already flows through my veins.
[ Chuckles .]
So to speak.
Until later, sir.
Master, the first contact has been highly successful.
The ruse seems certain to work.
Good.
Good.
Will! Will! Will, wait for me.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, dear.
What did you tell them, Dr.
Smith? I told him that under no circumstances would you even consider accepting the throne.
I told him that we were all believers in the democratic principle and that the divine right of kings had no place among us.
In short, I told him to, uh, to forget it.
Golly.
That was grand of you.
I mean, I wouldn't want to be a king anyway.
There's no fun in it.
Of course there isn't.
In the meantime I don't believe that we should mention anything about this matter to the others.
It would only cause needless alarm.
Let it remain our little secret.
I don't know, Dr.
Smith.
Dad and Don ought to know that there are aliens on this planet.
Well, of course they should, but all in due time.
Just leave it me, my boy.
- Well-- - Promise.
All right.
But please, Dr.
Smith, don't start your tricks again.
- You always get in trouble.
- Indeed.
Good evening, Dr.
Smith.
We were not expecting you so soon.
I thought I would bring you the report tonight.
[ Dr.
Smith .]
I knew you would be most eager to get it.
Perhaps you also hoped to see the interior of our ship? Good heavens! Do you think I'm a spy? Well, perhaps I was a bit curious.
I believe you terrestrials have a saying that "Curiosity killed the cat.
" Oh, sir, I certainly meant no harm.
And there are no grounds for violent action.
I was only working in your best interests.
- May I see what you have? - Oh, yes, indeed.
A complete dossier on every male member of the Jupiter 2 expedition.
Now, this, uh, report on Professor John Robinson.
A man of simple virtues, wholehearted loyalties.
I am devoted to him, but-- Yes? But? Does one rule a kingdom by simple virtues? You suggest that a little more guile is needed in the professor's makeup? - Exactly.
- And now, about Major West.
A lovely fellow.
I'm devoted to him too.
He's the typical bluff, blunt good soldier, forever foremost in fray.
But again, somewhat lacking in cunning.
You place a great premium on cunning, Dr.
Smith.
That seems to dispose of all the men in your party.
- All? - Excepting yourself, of course.
Me? Oh, I wouldn't dream of taking on such a burden.
A simple man like me.
But you said yourself you were descended from kings.
Remotely, dear friend.
Only remotely.
But I'm sure you have those peculiar virtues required of kings.
A compendium of virtues, if I say so myself.
We, uh, might do worse in selecting a king.
Surely you couldn't be considering modest, unassuming me? Ah, but we could.
In fact, the more I consider it, the more I think you were made for the job, Dr.
Smith.
How uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
- Do you mean it? - I do.
Oh, the pain of it.
The royal pain of it all.
I accept! - There will, of course, be a proper coronation.
- Naturally.
And I shall be able to receive my friends in regal splendor? - If you wish.
- I do, indeed.
I can't wait to see their eyes bulge when-- Look here, there are no catches to this, are there? I assure you you will be crowned King of Andronica before we leave this planet.
And now, may I call you my liege lord and king? Oh, you may.
You may, indeed.
Your Majesty.
King Zachary I.
Oh, my.
It's true, Dad.
There was a crown there and they were looking for a king.
Are you sure you didn't dream it? - Smith's not in his cabin.
- Oh.
And you say Smith agreed to be the king? Well, now what kind of a mess has he got himself into? Danger! Danger! Alien artifact approaching! Don, break out the lasers.
- [ Maureen .]
It's a man.
- [ Will .]
That's the one Dr.
Smith was talking to.
- But where's Dr.
Smith? - Well, let's find out.
- Professor John Robinson? - I'm Professor Robinson.
You and your entire company are commanded under peril of royal displeasure to present yourselves for judgment tomorrow at the final audience of His Majesty Zachary I before he leaves this place to assume his royal duties as King of Andronica.
You may tell your, uh, your royal master that we'll be there.
Now why'd you tell him a thing like that? Because we will be there.
- Your audience is approaching, Your Majesty.
- Let them wait.
A grape, dear.
[ Grunting .]
Nexus, your king has a very delicate back.
[ Grunts .]
The pain.
The pain.
A grape, dear.
His most exalted majesty, defender of rights sword and buckler of liberties most sublime and willing sacrifice - Zachary I, King of Andronica.
- Hi, Dr.
Smith.
In the future, you will address us as Your Majesty.
Come here, boy.
My little friend, my good companion in the days of my adversity I have chosen you from among the rest to accompany me on my road to glory.
I don't understand, Your Majesty.
I shall take you with me.
You shall be named heir apparent to my throne.
- Now, what do you think of that? - I'd rather stay with the rest.
Oh, let's not be hasty, my boy.
I suppose I could find something for them to do.
Major West might make an excellent court jester.
- That'll be the day.
- What did you say? Come on, Smith, get off of that chair.
You're making a fool of yourself.
Guard, fetch us yon varlet's head.
Unwise [ Whispering .]
- What? What? - [ Whispering .]
I see.
Our adviser tells us that it is best at this time to avoid an incident.
Therefore, we shall graciously spare your life and your head.
But do not tempt our anger further.
Well, Dad's right, Dr.
Smith.
Why don't you come home with us? I'll take you fishing.
Dear little friend, do I detect a trace of moisture in your eyes? I do believe you will miss me.
And I shall miss you.
But destiny calls King Zachary.
I must away.
- Dr.
Smith-- - Enough.
The audience is ended.
- Well, can't we do something? - No, son.
I'm afraid that Dr.
Smith has made his decision.
Well, I hope he'll be happier in his new life, wherever that is.
Let's go.
[ Yawns .]
Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
Oh.
Guard.
Careful with the crown.
Oh, Nexus we are wearied by our royal exertions.
- Nexus, fetch refreshments.
- Yes, Your Majesty.
[ Whirring .]
Come, come, Nexus.
Our royal throats are dry.
Don't stop fanning.
Do you hear me? Get on with it.
Is something wrong? Nexus? Nexus, speak! It is your king who commands it.
Speak! Or I shall have you severely punished.
Nexus? Uh Nexus? What, uh, what is-- what is going on here? Nexus? What in the world-- - Won't somebody speak? - [ Male Voice .]
Your Majesty.
Oh, thank heavens.
Not everybody is in this ridiculous position.
Now what has happened to these-- [ Yells .]
Oh.
Oh, no! No! - No-- - How is Your Majesty feeling? Go away! So, you do not like the looks of your devoted subjects, huh? Subjects? I am Andronican.
You are King of Andronica.
But the others, if you'll excuse the term-- the human Andronicans-- Nexus and the others? - They are non-personalities.
- Non-personalities? - I make them.
- You make them? You mean, they're not real people? They are androids.
Artificial beings.
I make them to look like you, so you agree to become king.
Then I am really the king? Oh, yes, you are king for festival of sacrifice.
- Festival? Sacrifice? - Big festival.
Everybody come, drink glooog, make sleemoth.
Drink glooog? Make sleemoth? - Very happy.
- Very happy? Then make sacrifice.
Oh.
One of your quaint religious rites, no doubt.
Purely symbolic in nature? No, no.
Sacrifice king so everybody be happy, well prosperous in year to come.
Sacrifice the king? - Skin him.
Stuff him.
Very good stuffing.
- [ Yells .]
Last many years.
Ten thousand years from now, you look same.
Stand in hall of immortal kings.
Very great honor.
- [ Yells .]
Let me out of here! - Too late.
Too bad.
You agreed to become king.
Agreement recorded in Hall of Contracts of Council of Planets.
All very legal.
Everything nice.
[ Whimpers .]
What do we do now? We wait for ship to come to get us.
We will see what your friends are doing.
Well, I guess that's the last we'll see of Dr.
Smith.
What a callous dismissal of one who has shared the dangers and vicissitudes of their daily life.
Well, I can't help feeling worried about him.
Oh, dear and gracious lady.
Well, wherever he's going, you can bet Smith will land on his feet.
Correction.
Dr.
Smith will not depart.
- What do you mean by that? - Acting under prime directive I made certain alien communications to his mother ship will not function.
Oh, bless you, my dear, dear friend.
[ John .]
What do you mean by that? Data pertaining to aliens incomplete.
Prime directive requires saving humans from danger against their life, even if against their wishes.
Recommend further study of alien psychology in correlation to primitive rites of sacrificial kings.
Listen to him, you fools! Listen to him! He's got more sense than the lot of you! You see, they're suspicious of you.
Highly suspicious.
They'll never let you go while you're holding me like this.
Never.
What are you doing? Your people want Smith.
I give them Smith! Uh.
Oh, no.
Please.
Please! [ Electronic Whirring .]
- Maybe I can open them up with one of these.
- No.
I'm gonna give them a chance to settle this peacefully.
Ahoy, the ship! This is John Robinson! Unless you surrender Dr.
Smith in five minutes, we'll blow you open! [ John .]
You have five minutes! [ Electrical Whirring Stops .]
Good heavens.
This is impossible.
Good heavens.
This is impossible.
Pretty good, huh? Friends want Smith.
They get Smith.
You'll never get away with this.
Anyone can see this is an imposter.
Whom are you calling an imposter, you mirror image of myself? He even talks like me.
Exact copy.
Your friends are waiting for you.
You know what to do.
Of course.
Perhaps you like to see, hmm? - What's going on in there? - Dad, look! It's Dr.
Smith.
- Smith, are you all right? - Well, of course I'm all right, dear fellow.
- There's really no cause for alarm.
None at all.
- They'll never buy that.
I was worried about you, Dr.
Smith.
Dear little friend, of course you were, but quite unnecessarily.
Little fool! Can't you see he's a fraud? - Why did they let you go? - It was my own decision.
I decided that ruling a kingdom as vast as Andronica was far beyond my poor capabilities.
- Smith! - Yes? - Where are you going? - To the spaceship.
The spaceship's over there.
Why, so it is.
How silly of me.
Come along, my boy.
Ruling Andronica is far beyond his poor capabilities.
That's the first hint of modesty I've heard from Dr.
Zachary Smith.
Come back here, you idiots! Come back! Can't you see it's a trick? Come back! Oh.
Oh, dear.
[ Sighs .]
Judy? Penny? Yes? - Oh.
- Now, which one of you girls did this? - I-I didn't.
- Neither did I.
Good morning! Good morning, good morning, good morning.
- Wow.
- Oh, why, Dr.
Smith.
What are you doing up so early? Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
I've been up for hours.
Oh, good heavens.
Half the day is gone, and nothing's been done.
I do hope you ladies don't mind that I undertook to prepare the breakfast? Oh, did you do all this? Now, come along, my dears, do sit down.
Madam.
- All right.
- Do sit down.
- It's lovely.
- Yes.
Ah, good morning, Professor Robinson and Major West.
- I trust you both slept well.
- Hey.
- Well, what's going on here? - Dr.
Smith prepared breakfast.
Oh, please.
Please, dear lady, let us not be formal.
Why don't you just call me Zach? - Zach? - Zach.
Okay.
If that's the way you want it, Zach.
Thank you, dear, dear, Major.
Do sit down and have your breakfast.
Oh, dear.
There is so much to be done today.
Professor Robinson, I have an idea about developing that new field of atomic ore.
Perhaps I should run on ahead and start the preliminary work.
I don't believe what I'm hearing.
- I always thought "work" was a bad word with you, Dr.
Smith? - Oh, good heavens no, child.
Work is the foundation of good character.
The harder the work, the better the character.
Good morning, dear boy.
Why don't you just sit down and let Daddy Zach bring your breakfast? Daddy Zach? Yes.
Daddy Zach.
I feel like a second father to you.
Oh, dear, I'm afraid the cooking has been quite hasty this morning.
All I can offer you is an omelette aux fine herbs.
But tomorrow, I promise you Eggs Benedict.
- Oh.
- Well, hey, Daddy Zach.
Thank you.
- [ Chattering .]
- Hey, wait.
Will somebody please tell me what's going on here? It does not compute.
Nothing computes anymore.
- What do you mean, my dear fellow? - You have changed.
Yes, I have, and for the best.
- Don't you agree? - I will have to reexamine my tapes before I can answer that.
What a marvelous boon our mechanical friend has been to us all.
Oh.
We have so much to be thankful for.
So very much.
What did they do to you in that alien ship, Dr.
Smith? Please.
Daddy Zach.
It gives me a glorious feeling of togetherness.
Well, you still haven't answered my question-- Daddy Zach-- what did they do to you in there? Really nothing, my dear boy.
Merely awakened me to the potentials of the world in which I live to my own capacity for doing good to the wonder of scattering a little sunshine as I travel through life.
Well, you sure have changed.
My memory banks do not identify you as Dr.
Zachary Smith.
- Do I look like Dr.
Smith? - [ Robot .]
You stand like Dr.
Smith.
Do I talk like Dr.
Smith? The tonal quality is identical.
Then I must be Dr.
Smith.
That does not necessarily compute.
Never mind, my dear friend.
It will come to you.
# I'm a-workin' on the railroad ## Soon, we be on Andronica.
Andronica? Oh, surely, sir, we can make some other arrangement? - This is all a mistake, you know-- - No mistake.
You are king.
But if you will recall, sir, the crown selected my little friend Will to be your king.
Perhaps I could still persuade the little nipper to change his mind.
I have considerable influence over him, you know.
No want boy.
Want you.
But I'm not fit to be a king, even a sacrificial king.
I come from a very humble background.
All of my ancestors were peasants, and very poor peasants at that.
And as for noble virtues, well, I'm a bit of a rogue, you know.
We know.
We know all the time.
- All the time? - We set out bait for you.
For me? But the crown rejected me when I first put it on.
Make you want it more.
Make you lie, betray your friends to become king.
You past test for kind of king we want.
Here, have glooog.
Thank you very much.
Is good for you.
Make stuffing work better.
But why me? Why take a rascal like me when you have available a noble mind like Professor Robinson or great physical courage like Major West or incipient genius like Will? You are useless creature.
They are useful creatures.
Is wasteful to sacrifice useful creatures as king.
You mean, you select your kings because they're useless? Sure.
Nobody miss them.
Nobody care.
But you must give me an opportunity to turn over a new leaf.
I'll prove myself.
I shall be a new Smith.
Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.
Already is such a Smith.
You watch.
[ Dr.
Smith .]
Oh, what a bitter blow.
- But that is not the real me.
- Oh, yes.
I make that good man from essence of bad one.
He is you but without your faults.
He will be useful creature.
Uhh.
[ Gasps, Yells .]
[ Yells .]
- Are you nearly finished with that, dear? - Uh-huh.
[ Dr.
Smith .]
Help! Help! Save me! Help! Save me! Ladies.
Ladies, I'm in the most perilous condition! You must help me! I am literally running to save my skin.
Time is of the essence! - What's wrong, Uncle Zach? - Don't call me Zach! Girls, go on.
Take Dr.
Smith inside.
No, no.
I must flee.
There is no safety for me here.
No, do as I say.
Now look, you're gonna be all right.
- You're gonna be safe with us.
- Come on.
- [ Yells .]
- # All the livelong day # # I've been workin' on the railroad # - # Just to pass the time away # - Good heavens.
Now we have two Dr.
Smiths.
# Can't you hear the whistle blowing # # Rise up so early in the morn # # Can't you hear the captain shouting # # Dinah, blow your horn ## What in the world are we gonna do with two of you? What in the world are we gonna do with two of you? I should like to point out, Professor Robinson that this person is a mere interloper.
Well, that's fine, Zach, but, uh-- Dr.
Smith, if you please.
All right, how do we get rid of him? - Do you have any suggestions, Dr.
Smith? - Call me Zach.
Zach, indeed.
That I should live to hear my distinguished name bandied about in this fashion.
Oh, come, come, Zach, we both know what the name stands for at least until now.
What do you mean, sir? I mean, that you are shiftless, unreliable, cowardly two-faced and a liar.
- Shall I go on? - I shall not remain to hear myself insulted.
[ Sighs .]
Well, you certainly told him, didn't you? I certainly did, and about time too.
[ John .]
Yes, but that doesn't solve the problem.
Frankly, I don't think there's room in this group for two Dr.
Smiths.
I couldn't agree more.
You'll have to get rid of him.
Well, you certainly don't want him around, do you? [ John .]
He is our friend.
And he was here first.
[ Zach Smith .]
But it really doesn't matter, Professor Robinson.
Not at all.
You see, I was created from the essence of the original Smith with a few of his worst characteristics omitted.
But I am just as much Zachary Smith as he is.
Just as human, just as real.
Now, which one are you going to keep? With all his faults, Zach, Dr.
Zachary Smith is our friend.
We don't want to lose him.
## [ Humming "I've Been Working On The Railroad" .]
## [ Humming Continues .]
# All the livelong day ## Now what do you think you're doing? Rebuilding the water system to provide warm bathwater for the ladies.
You're trying to worm your way into their affections.
You're hoping that when the chips are down, they will choose you over me.
But the choice must be theirs - wouldn't you say? - Certainly not.
I have already won a place in their hearts.
Aren't you forgetting something, Zach? The alien from Andronica.
He hasn't given up on you yet, you know.
We will fight him off to the last man.
I'm afraid not.
He has weapons that make anything we have look like toys.
I'm sorry, Zach.
But you won't be around much longer.
My dear sir, you don't mean that you'll simply stand by - and let that grisly creature take me? - But what can I do about it? We are very similar.
You could take my place.
- But why should I? - Because I'm human! - So am I.
- But I'm the original Zachary Smith the one with all the virtues, petty faults, weaknesses and small evils, such as cowardice while you are without fault.
Oh, my dear sir, surely you realize that sacrifice is more in your line than mine.
Think it over.
- Where are Will and Don? - Oh, they're out patrolling the area.
Oh.
Are you expecting trouble? Oh, it's a safe bet that the alien will return for his property.
- His property? - Yeah.
Dr.
Smith.
- [ Maureen .]
Which Dr.
Smith is that? - [ John .]
Need you ask? He hasn't stopped working for a minute.
Where's our Dr.
Smith? The real one? The last time I saw him, he was in his cabin under the bed hiding.
[ Scoffs .]
John, how will we know when the androids are coming? Well, I have the Robot out on patrol.
He'll give us ample warning when they make their move.
Do you think we'll be able to stop them? Well, I don't know if our lasers will work against androids.
I don't even know if that force field will keep them out.
Danger! Danger! Red alert! Red alert! Uhh-- Smith, you better knock it off.
I'm expecting an attack.
But I have nothing to fear.
The alien doesn't want me.
But still, I don't feel justified in taking up arms against him who in effect was my creator.
Therefore, I shall continue to work.
All right.
Have it your way.
- John? - Yeah, what's up? We just saw the Robot.
All his power's been knocked out.
Oh.
We better get on that force field.
Will, you get inside.
Yes, sir.
Better get inside, Daddy Zach.
My dear boy, I have already informed your father of my intention to remain neutral.
Yeah, but you might get hurt if you stayed out here.
But I have nothing to fear, little friend.
The purity of my intentions is both my sword and buckler.
- Where's my alter ego? - You mean the other Dr.
Smith? Well, the last thing I heard he was hiding under his bed.
Poor fellow.
I'm afraid moral and physical courage are simply not included in his makeup.
Now, you'd better run along.
I have work to finish, and you'll be much safer inside.
But before you go, would you mind getting me my wrench over there by the rock somewhere? - Yes, sir.
- Thank you.
Dad! Don! Dad! Don! They're out there! - What, the androids? - Yeah, I saw one of them.
All right, get back in the ship.
- Is it ready? - Ready as it'll ever be.
[ Electrical Hum .]
Smith, get inside! My thoughts and prayers go with you.
[ Thunder .]
[ Alien's Voice .]
Terrestrials, listen to me.
Surrender the real Smith and we will not harm you.
If you do not surrender him, you will be destroyed.
Our powers are greater than yours.
We have already incapacitated your Robot.
If you doubt our strength, watch this demonstration.
[ Thunder .]
Even your force fields cannot stop us.
Even your force field cannot stop us.
- Maybe I can stop him with this.
- No! Stop! Stop! It's no use, my friends.
The end is inevitable.
They will overwhelm your defenses and drag me off.
Well, do you have any other suggestions then, Dr.
Smith? - I will go out and surrender to them.
- No! We won't let you.
Dear little nipper, my mind is made up.
And I shall give my life gladly to save those I have grown to love.
But whether on the scaffold high or in the battle's van the fittest place a man can die is where he dies for man.
How beautiful.
Do you have any idea what they'll do to you? Perhaps I can make an arrangement with them.
And if not, at least I shall be a king for a little while.
I might even learn to drink glooog and make sleemoth.
- I'm sorry, Smith, you can't do this-- - Stay back, Professor Robinson.
I shall not hesitate to shoot if it means saving the lives of the others.
And now, farewell, dear friends.
Fetch me my royal crown and raiment.
If you must take me, I shall go as your king.
[ Thunder .]
- They're gone.
They took him.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
Certainly not.
There.
Oh.
Enough of this masquerade.
Oh, my back.
I'm afraid I shall have to retire to restore my vital forces.
- Daddy Zach-- - Daddy Zach, indeed.
I never want to hear that revolting name ever again in my presence.
[ Laughs .]
Now that's the real Dr.
Smith.
- You are Smith.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Of course I am.
Did you think for one moment that I would go off to an uncertain fate in an alien world? You mean, Daddy Zach took your place, and you took Daddy Zach's place? Yes.
And, oh, the strain of it.
He was a noble fellow.
However, I found it very easy to convince him to see reason.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I must retire.
- Good night, sweet prince.
- [ Laughing .]
If it's any comfort to you, Major both I and my alter ego are quite certain that nothing dreadful will happen to him.
You see, the Andronicans have a horror of waste.
And as soon as they realize that he's really a very useful sort they will alter their plans and release him.
Daddy Zach? Baah! [ Laughing .]
- [ Chattering .]
- [ Don .]
How about that, huh? [ Penny .]
Yeah.
That's something.
- Son, what's the matter? - Oh, I don't know.
I'm glad to have the real Dr.
Smith back.
But I was just thinking about Daddy Zach.
He was really nice.
I sort of wish that-- No.
I guess there wouldn't be enough room on one planet for two Dr.
Smiths.
- [ Chuckles .]
I guess not.
- No.
- Come on, let's go.
- Come on, dear.
Now, what have we here? "Portable thruster employed in rocket-belt flight by Professor John Robinson, circa 1997.
" Hardly the kind of thing I'd deposit in a time capsule for future voyagers to discover.
The Egyptians buried lots of things in their time capsules, Dr.
Smith.
That's why we know so much about them.
Did the Egyptians have time capsules too? Sure.
They called them "pyramids.
" Penny, see if you can find something a little more interesting in that carton.
I think we'd better get back, Dr.
Smith.
It's getting late.
Never fear, Smith is here.
You're perfectly safe.
Hey, look what I found.
Mom's space gauntlets.
- She wore these the day we left Earth.
- How exciting.
Look again.
- I think this is something of yours, Dr.
Smith.
- Ah? Ah, this is more like it.
"Meditations of a Galactic Castaway: "Being an account of the courage, fortitude and personal sacrifice of Dr.
Zachary Smith.
" I shall undoubtedly be named to the Space Voyager's Hall of Fame - when posterity learns of my brilliance, my courage, my-- - [ Eerie Howling .]
Uh, uh, what was that? Sounded like a wolf to me.
There can't be any wolves out here.
Oh, yes, there can.
Look.
All I see are the two moons, and we've seen them before.
But never so bursting with fullness.
- Is that bad? - [ Dr.
Smith .]
Bad, my dear child? It portends the very worst of evil happenings the night the witches dance and the misbegotten creatures of doom walk the earth.
- When the dark and dismal voices-- - [ Howling .]
There it is again.
It can only be a werewolf.
A werewolf? On this planet? Why should this planet be an exception? We'd better go! Wait.
Maybe the Robot can tell us what it really is.
Identify animal noises, Robot.
Animal noises produced by predator Canis lupus.
Volume and pitch indicate predator to be in condition of extreme ferocity.
- Canis lupus? - Yes, canis lupus.
Werewolves! We must hurry! Hurry! Help me up, my dear.
Ohh! Warning! Warning! Canis lupus in area! Warning! - We should never have stayed out this late.
- And whose fault is that? This is no time for idle recriminations.
- This way.
Come.
- Will.
- [ Growling .]
- [ Screams .]
[ Growling .]
Last week, as you recall, Will had joined Dr.
Smith and the Robot in a search for wild truffles little dreaming that they would find something far different something that would plunge them into an incredible adventure with creatures from another mysterious world.
Dr.
Smith, look.
[ Will .]
A crown.
I see it's a crown.
I have eyes in my head.
The question is, what is a crown doing here? Will, what have I told you - about handling other people's property? - But, Dr.
Smith-- But me no buts, my boy.
We will respect the rights of others.
No doubt the owner will shortly appear to claim his property.
I wonder where it came from and who left it? That is none of our business.
Oh my, those rubies are as large as hens' eggs.
[ Will .]
Ah-ah-ah, Dr.
Smith.
I was only checking to make certain that it was secure.
If it fell over, some of that lovely workmanship might be damaged.
Come along, Will.
Let's get on about our truffles.
- [ Gasps .]
Bless me.
I forgot my truffle tool.
- I'll get it.
Never mind, I'll do it.
Why don't you go on ahead with the Robot? And if you find any truffles, call out loud.
- Yes, sir.
- Uh, quite loud.
Okay.
Ahh.
A world ransom in jewels.
Now what to do with it.
Well [ Thunder, Electrical Static .]
[ Grunting .]
- [ Thunder .]
- [ Dr.
Smith Yelling .]
- [ Yelling Continues .]
- [ Thunder .]
- [ Electrical Static .]
- Help! - Help! Somebody take this off! - Come on! [ Yelling .]
Help! Save me! Ohh! Oh.
Oh.
Oh, what a horrible feeling.
That thing just wouldn't let go of me.
A thousand and one pins and needles penetrated every inch of my body.
Now, you be careful with that thing, my boy.
It bites! Well, if wouldn't have happened if you hadn't touched it.
Remember what you said about property rights.
When you grow up, my boy I hope you will also grow in tolerance for the weaknesses of others.
I just couldn't help myself.
Now, put it down.
Put it down! There is no danger in this object for the boy.
Quiet, you disreputable dunce! Why didn't you help me in my hour of need? Hey, look, Dr.
Smith, it fits.
Take it off, my boy.
Take it off! ## [ Fanfare .]
- ## [ Ends .]
- Look.
Human beings? Here? I am Nexus of Andronica.
My companions and I have crossed seeking a being worthy to wear that crown.
At last we have found him.
All hail our majesty.
My name's Will Robinson, Mr.
Nexus.
But I'm not a king.
I'm only from the planet Earth.
Allow me to present myself.
I am Dr.
Zachary Smith.
Are you related to this boy? [ Dr.
Smith .]
I am his dear friend, his counselor and his guide.
Now, tell me, sir, what are your proposals with reference to the boy? We intend to crown him King of Andronica.
How perfectly splendid! Will, did you hear that? You are to become a king.
Why did you come here looking for a king, Mr.
Nexus? It is a tradition that a king of Andronica must always come from off-planet stock to prevent weak rulers.
- Well, thanks, Mr.
Nexus, but I guess not.
- Will, what are you saying? Well, look, if I became their king, I'd have to leave my family and I couldn't do that.
Of course you could.
Take them with you.
- No? - It is impossible.
I see.
Will - would you excuse us, please? - Yeah.
Sure, Dr.
Smith.
And take him with you.
Let's go.
- A fine little lad.
I know he'll make an excellent king.
- But he has refused.
I have a great deal of influence over his young mind.
I know I can convince him to see reason.
Of course, it will have to be made worth my while.
Perhaps a regency until the boy comes of age.
That would place a great deal of power in your hands, Dr.
Smith.
You would be virtually ruler of Andronica and its subject planets.
Suppose the boy continues to refuse? Then we must select another candidate one of sublime intelligence, extraordinary valor, judicial wisdom and royal bearing.
That does narrow the field somewhat.
Now, tell me.
If I were to find such a person among our little group would there be a finder's fee? You would be amply rewarded.
Oh, by the way, I should mention that I am Irish on my maternal grandmother's side.
- Is that important? - Only inasmuch as all the Irish are descended from kings.
The royal blood already flows through my veins.
[ Chuckles .]
So to speak.
Until later, sir.
Master, the first contact has been highly successful.
The ruse seems certain to work.
Good.
Good.
Will! Will! Will, wait for me.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, dear.
What did you tell them, Dr.
Smith? I told him that under no circumstances would you even consider accepting the throne.
I told him that we were all believers in the democratic principle and that the divine right of kings had no place among us.
In short, I told him to, uh, to forget it.
Golly.
That was grand of you.
I mean, I wouldn't want to be a king anyway.
There's no fun in it.
Of course there isn't.
In the meantime I don't believe that we should mention anything about this matter to the others.
It would only cause needless alarm.
Let it remain our little secret.
I don't know, Dr.
Smith.
Dad and Don ought to know that there are aliens on this planet.
Well, of course they should, but all in due time.
Just leave it me, my boy.
- Well-- - Promise.
All right.
But please, Dr.
Smith, don't start your tricks again.
- You always get in trouble.
- Indeed.
Good evening, Dr.
Smith.
We were not expecting you so soon.
I thought I would bring you the report tonight.
[ Dr.
Smith .]
I knew you would be most eager to get it.
Perhaps you also hoped to see the interior of our ship? Good heavens! Do you think I'm a spy? Well, perhaps I was a bit curious.
I believe you terrestrials have a saying that "Curiosity killed the cat.
" Oh, sir, I certainly meant no harm.
And there are no grounds for violent action.
I was only working in your best interests.
- May I see what you have? - Oh, yes, indeed.
A complete dossier on every male member of the Jupiter 2 expedition.
Now, this, uh, report on Professor John Robinson.
A man of simple virtues, wholehearted loyalties.
I am devoted to him, but-- Yes? But? Does one rule a kingdom by simple virtues? You suggest that a little more guile is needed in the professor's makeup? - Exactly.
- And now, about Major West.
A lovely fellow.
I'm devoted to him too.
He's the typical bluff, blunt good soldier, forever foremost in fray.
But again, somewhat lacking in cunning.
You place a great premium on cunning, Dr.
Smith.
That seems to dispose of all the men in your party.
- All? - Excepting yourself, of course.
Me? Oh, I wouldn't dream of taking on such a burden.
A simple man like me.
But you said yourself you were descended from kings.
Remotely, dear friend.
Only remotely.
But I'm sure you have those peculiar virtues required of kings.
A compendium of virtues, if I say so myself.
We, uh, might do worse in selecting a king.
Surely you couldn't be considering modest, unassuming me? Ah, but we could.
In fact, the more I consider it, the more I think you were made for the job, Dr.
Smith.
How uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
- Do you mean it? - I do.
Oh, the pain of it.
The royal pain of it all.
I accept! - There will, of course, be a proper coronation.
- Naturally.
And I shall be able to receive my friends in regal splendor? - If you wish.
- I do, indeed.
I can't wait to see their eyes bulge when-- Look here, there are no catches to this, are there? I assure you you will be crowned King of Andronica before we leave this planet.
And now, may I call you my liege lord and king? Oh, you may.
You may, indeed.
Your Majesty.
King Zachary I.
Oh, my.
It's true, Dad.
There was a crown there and they were looking for a king.
Are you sure you didn't dream it? - Smith's not in his cabin.
- Oh.
And you say Smith agreed to be the king? Well, now what kind of a mess has he got himself into? Danger! Danger! Alien artifact approaching! Don, break out the lasers.
- [ Maureen .]
It's a man.
- [ Will .]
That's the one Dr.
Smith was talking to.
- But where's Dr.
Smith? - Well, let's find out.
- Professor John Robinson? - I'm Professor Robinson.
You and your entire company are commanded under peril of royal displeasure to present yourselves for judgment tomorrow at the final audience of His Majesty Zachary I before he leaves this place to assume his royal duties as King of Andronica.
You may tell your, uh, your royal master that we'll be there.
Now why'd you tell him a thing like that? Because we will be there.
- Your audience is approaching, Your Majesty.
- Let them wait.
A grape, dear.
[ Grunting .]
Nexus, your king has a very delicate back.
[ Grunts .]
The pain.
The pain.
A grape, dear.
His most exalted majesty, defender of rights sword and buckler of liberties most sublime and willing sacrifice - Zachary I, King of Andronica.
- Hi, Dr.
Smith.
In the future, you will address us as Your Majesty.
Come here, boy.
My little friend, my good companion in the days of my adversity I have chosen you from among the rest to accompany me on my road to glory.
I don't understand, Your Majesty.
I shall take you with me.
You shall be named heir apparent to my throne.
- Now, what do you think of that? - I'd rather stay with the rest.
Oh, let's not be hasty, my boy.
I suppose I could find something for them to do.
Major West might make an excellent court jester.
- That'll be the day.
- What did you say? Come on, Smith, get off of that chair.
You're making a fool of yourself.
Guard, fetch us yon varlet's head.
Unwise [ Whispering .]
- What? What? - [ Whispering .]
I see.
Our adviser tells us that it is best at this time to avoid an incident.
Therefore, we shall graciously spare your life and your head.
But do not tempt our anger further.
Well, Dad's right, Dr.
Smith.
Why don't you come home with us? I'll take you fishing.
Dear little friend, do I detect a trace of moisture in your eyes? I do believe you will miss me.
And I shall miss you.
But destiny calls King Zachary.
I must away.
- Dr.
Smith-- - Enough.
The audience is ended.
- Well, can't we do something? - No, son.
I'm afraid that Dr.
Smith has made his decision.
Well, I hope he'll be happier in his new life, wherever that is.
Let's go.
[ Yawns .]
Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.
Oh.
Guard.
Careful with the crown.
Oh, Nexus we are wearied by our royal exertions.
- Nexus, fetch refreshments.
- Yes, Your Majesty.
[ Whirring .]
Come, come, Nexus.
Our royal throats are dry.
Don't stop fanning.
Do you hear me? Get on with it.
Is something wrong? Nexus? Nexus, speak! It is your king who commands it.
Speak! Or I shall have you severely punished.
Nexus? Uh Nexus? What, uh, what is-- what is going on here? Nexus? What in the world-- - Won't somebody speak? - [ Male Voice .]
Your Majesty.
Oh, thank heavens.
Not everybody is in this ridiculous position.
Now what has happened to these-- [ Yells .]
Oh.
Oh, no! No! - No-- - How is Your Majesty feeling? Go away! So, you do not like the looks of your devoted subjects, huh? Subjects? I am Andronican.
You are King of Andronica.
But the others, if you'll excuse the term-- the human Andronicans-- Nexus and the others? - They are non-personalities.
- Non-personalities? - I make them.
- You make them? You mean, they're not real people? They are androids.
Artificial beings.
I make them to look like you, so you agree to become king.
Then I am really the king? Oh, yes, you are king for festival of sacrifice.
- Festival? Sacrifice? - Big festival.
Everybody come, drink glooog, make sleemoth.
Drink glooog? Make sleemoth? - Very happy.
- Very happy? Then make sacrifice.
Oh.
One of your quaint religious rites, no doubt.
Purely symbolic in nature? No, no.
Sacrifice king so everybody be happy, well prosperous in year to come.
Sacrifice the king? - Skin him.
Stuff him.
Very good stuffing.
- [ Yells .]
Last many years.
Ten thousand years from now, you look same.
Stand in hall of immortal kings.
Very great honor.
- [ Yells .]
Let me out of here! - Too late.
Too bad.
You agreed to become king.
Agreement recorded in Hall of Contracts of Council of Planets.
All very legal.
Everything nice.
[ Whimpers .]
What do we do now? We wait for ship to come to get us.
We will see what your friends are doing.
Well, I guess that's the last we'll see of Dr.
Smith.
What a callous dismissal of one who has shared the dangers and vicissitudes of their daily life.
Well, I can't help feeling worried about him.
Oh, dear and gracious lady.
Well, wherever he's going, you can bet Smith will land on his feet.
Correction.
Dr.
Smith will not depart.
- What do you mean by that? - Acting under prime directive I made certain alien communications to his mother ship will not function.
Oh, bless you, my dear, dear friend.
[ John .]
What do you mean by that? Data pertaining to aliens incomplete.
Prime directive requires saving humans from danger against their life, even if against their wishes.
Recommend further study of alien psychology in correlation to primitive rites of sacrificial kings.
Listen to him, you fools! Listen to him! He's got more sense than the lot of you! You see, they're suspicious of you.
Highly suspicious.
They'll never let you go while you're holding me like this.
Never.
What are you doing? Your people want Smith.
I give them Smith! Uh.
Oh, no.
Please.
Please! [ Electronic Whirring .]
- Maybe I can open them up with one of these.
- No.
I'm gonna give them a chance to settle this peacefully.
Ahoy, the ship! This is John Robinson! Unless you surrender Dr.
Smith in five minutes, we'll blow you open! [ John .]
You have five minutes! [ Electrical Whirring Stops .]
Good heavens.
This is impossible.
Good heavens.
This is impossible.
Pretty good, huh? Friends want Smith.
They get Smith.
You'll never get away with this.
Anyone can see this is an imposter.
Whom are you calling an imposter, you mirror image of myself? He even talks like me.
Exact copy.
Your friends are waiting for you.
You know what to do.
Of course.
Perhaps you like to see, hmm? - What's going on in there? - Dad, look! It's Dr.
Smith.
- Smith, are you all right? - Well, of course I'm all right, dear fellow.
- There's really no cause for alarm.
None at all.
- They'll never buy that.
I was worried about you, Dr.
Smith.
Dear little friend, of course you were, but quite unnecessarily.
Little fool! Can't you see he's a fraud? - Why did they let you go? - It was my own decision.
I decided that ruling a kingdom as vast as Andronica was far beyond my poor capabilities.
- Smith! - Yes? - Where are you going? - To the spaceship.
The spaceship's over there.
Why, so it is.
How silly of me.
Come along, my boy.
Ruling Andronica is far beyond his poor capabilities.
That's the first hint of modesty I've heard from Dr.
Zachary Smith.
Come back here, you idiots! Come back! Can't you see it's a trick? Come back! Oh.
Oh, dear.
[ Sighs .]
Judy? Penny? Yes? - Oh.
- Now, which one of you girls did this? - I-I didn't.
- Neither did I.
Good morning! Good morning, good morning, good morning.
- Wow.
- Oh, why, Dr.
Smith.
What are you doing up so early? Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.
I've been up for hours.
Oh, good heavens.
Half the day is gone, and nothing's been done.
I do hope you ladies don't mind that I undertook to prepare the breakfast? Oh, did you do all this? Now, come along, my dears, do sit down.
Madam.
- All right.
- Do sit down.
- It's lovely.
- Yes.
Ah, good morning, Professor Robinson and Major West.
- I trust you both slept well.
- Hey.
- Well, what's going on here? - Dr.
Smith prepared breakfast.
Oh, please.
Please, dear lady, let us not be formal.
Why don't you just call me Zach? - Zach? - Zach.
Okay.
If that's the way you want it, Zach.
Thank you, dear, dear, Major.
Do sit down and have your breakfast.
Oh, dear.
There is so much to be done today.
Professor Robinson, I have an idea about developing that new field of atomic ore.
Perhaps I should run on ahead and start the preliminary work.
I don't believe what I'm hearing.
- I always thought "work" was a bad word with you, Dr.
Smith? - Oh, good heavens no, child.
Work is the foundation of good character.
The harder the work, the better the character.
Good morning, dear boy.
Why don't you just sit down and let Daddy Zach bring your breakfast? Daddy Zach? Yes.
Daddy Zach.
I feel like a second father to you.
Oh, dear, I'm afraid the cooking has been quite hasty this morning.
All I can offer you is an omelette aux fine herbs.
But tomorrow, I promise you Eggs Benedict.
- Oh.
- Well, hey, Daddy Zach.
Thank you.
- [ Chattering .]
- Hey, wait.
Will somebody please tell me what's going on here? It does not compute.
Nothing computes anymore.
- What do you mean, my dear fellow? - You have changed.
Yes, I have, and for the best.
- Don't you agree? - I will have to reexamine my tapes before I can answer that.
What a marvelous boon our mechanical friend has been to us all.
Oh.
We have so much to be thankful for.
So very much.
What did they do to you in that alien ship, Dr.
Smith? Please.
Daddy Zach.
It gives me a glorious feeling of togetherness.
Well, you still haven't answered my question-- Daddy Zach-- what did they do to you in there? Really nothing, my dear boy.
Merely awakened me to the potentials of the world in which I live to my own capacity for doing good to the wonder of scattering a little sunshine as I travel through life.
Well, you sure have changed.
My memory banks do not identify you as Dr.
Zachary Smith.
- Do I look like Dr.
Smith? - [ Robot .]
You stand like Dr.
Smith.
Do I talk like Dr.
Smith? The tonal quality is identical.
Then I must be Dr.
Smith.
That does not necessarily compute.
Never mind, my dear friend.
It will come to you.
# I'm a-workin' on the railroad ## Soon, we be on Andronica.
Andronica? Oh, surely, sir, we can make some other arrangement? - This is all a mistake, you know-- - No mistake.
You are king.
But if you will recall, sir, the crown selected my little friend Will to be your king.
Perhaps I could still persuade the little nipper to change his mind.
I have considerable influence over him, you know.
No want boy.
Want you.
But I'm not fit to be a king, even a sacrificial king.
I come from a very humble background.
All of my ancestors were peasants, and very poor peasants at that.
And as for noble virtues, well, I'm a bit of a rogue, you know.
We know.
We know all the time.
- All the time? - We set out bait for you.
For me? But the crown rejected me when I first put it on.
Make you want it more.
Make you lie, betray your friends to become king.
You past test for kind of king we want.
Here, have glooog.
Thank you very much.
Is good for you.
Make stuffing work better.
But why me? Why take a rascal like me when you have available a noble mind like Professor Robinson or great physical courage like Major West or incipient genius like Will? You are useless creature.
They are useful creatures.
Is wasteful to sacrifice useful creatures as king.
You mean, you select your kings because they're useless? Sure.
Nobody miss them.
Nobody care.
But you must give me an opportunity to turn over a new leaf.
I'll prove myself.
I shall be a new Smith.
Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.
Already is such a Smith.
You watch.
[ Dr.
Smith .]
Oh, what a bitter blow.
- But that is not the real me.
- Oh, yes.
I make that good man from essence of bad one.
He is you but without your faults.
He will be useful creature.
Uhh.
[ Gasps, Yells .]
[ Yells .]
- Are you nearly finished with that, dear? - Uh-huh.
[ Dr.
Smith .]
Help! Help! Save me! Help! Save me! Ladies.
Ladies, I'm in the most perilous condition! You must help me! I am literally running to save my skin.
Time is of the essence! - What's wrong, Uncle Zach? - Don't call me Zach! Girls, go on.
Take Dr.
Smith inside.
No, no.
I must flee.
There is no safety for me here.
No, do as I say.
Now look, you're gonna be all right.
- You're gonna be safe with us.
- Come on.
- [ Yells .]
- # All the livelong day # # I've been workin' on the railroad # - # Just to pass the time away # - Good heavens.
Now we have two Dr.
Smiths.
# Can't you hear the whistle blowing # # Rise up so early in the morn # # Can't you hear the captain shouting # # Dinah, blow your horn ## What in the world are we gonna do with two of you? What in the world are we gonna do with two of you? I should like to point out, Professor Robinson that this person is a mere interloper.
Well, that's fine, Zach, but, uh-- Dr.
Smith, if you please.
All right, how do we get rid of him? - Do you have any suggestions, Dr.
Smith? - Call me Zach.
Zach, indeed.
That I should live to hear my distinguished name bandied about in this fashion.
Oh, come, come, Zach, we both know what the name stands for at least until now.
What do you mean, sir? I mean, that you are shiftless, unreliable, cowardly two-faced and a liar.
- Shall I go on? - I shall not remain to hear myself insulted.
[ Sighs .]
Well, you certainly told him, didn't you? I certainly did, and about time too.
[ John .]
Yes, but that doesn't solve the problem.
Frankly, I don't think there's room in this group for two Dr.
Smiths.
I couldn't agree more.
You'll have to get rid of him.
Well, you certainly don't want him around, do you? [ John .]
He is our friend.
And he was here first.
[ Zach Smith .]
But it really doesn't matter, Professor Robinson.
Not at all.
You see, I was created from the essence of the original Smith with a few of his worst characteristics omitted.
But I am just as much Zachary Smith as he is.
Just as human, just as real.
Now, which one are you going to keep? With all his faults, Zach, Dr.
Zachary Smith is our friend.
We don't want to lose him.
## [ Humming "I've Been Working On The Railroad" .]
## [ Humming Continues .]
# All the livelong day ## Now what do you think you're doing? Rebuilding the water system to provide warm bathwater for the ladies.
You're trying to worm your way into their affections.
You're hoping that when the chips are down, they will choose you over me.
But the choice must be theirs - wouldn't you say? - Certainly not.
I have already won a place in their hearts.
Aren't you forgetting something, Zach? The alien from Andronica.
He hasn't given up on you yet, you know.
We will fight him off to the last man.
I'm afraid not.
He has weapons that make anything we have look like toys.
I'm sorry, Zach.
But you won't be around much longer.
My dear sir, you don't mean that you'll simply stand by - and let that grisly creature take me? - But what can I do about it? We are very similar.
You could take my place.
- But why should I? - Because I'm human! - So am I.
- But I'm the original Zachary Smith the one with all the virtues, petty faults, weaknesses and small evils, such as cowardice while you are without fault.
Oh, my dear sir, surely you realize that sacrifice is more in your line than mine.
Think it over.
- Where are Will and Don? - Oh, they're out patrolling the area.
Oh.
Are you expecting trouble? Oh, it's a safe bet that the alien will return for his property.
- His property? - Yeah.
Dr.
Smith.
- [ Maureen .]
Which Dr.
Smith is that? - [ John .]
Need you ask? He hasn't stopped working for a minute.
Where's our Dr.
Smith? The real one? The last time I saw him, he was in his cabin under the bed hiding.
[ Scoffs .]
John, how will we know when the androids are coming? Well, I have the Robot out on patrol.
He'll give us ample warning when they make their move.
Do you think we'll be able to stop them? Well, I don't know if our lasers will work against androids.
I don't even know if that force field will keep them out.
Danger! Danger! Red alert! Red alert! Uhh-- Smith, you better knock it off.
I'm expecting an attack.
But I have nothing to fear.
The alien doesn't want me.
But still, I don't feel justified in taking up arms against him who in effect was my creator.
Therefore, I shall continue to work.
All right.
Have it your way.
- John? - Yeah, what's up? We just saw the Robot.
All his power's been knocked out.
Oh.
We better get on that force field.
Will, you get inside.
Yes, sir.
Better get inside, Daddy Zach.
My dear boy, I have already informed your father of my intention to remain neutral.
Yeah, but you might get hurt if you stayed out here.
But I have nothing to fear, little friend.
The purity of my intentions is both my sword and buckler.
- Where's my alter ego? - You mean the other Dr.
Smith? Well, the last thing I heard he was hiding under his bed.
Poor fellow.
I'm afraid moral and physical courage are simply not included in his makeup.
Now, you'd better run along.
I have work to finish, and you'll be much safer inside.
But before you go, would you mind getting me my wrench over there by the rock somewhere? - Yes, sir.
- Thank you.
Dad! Don! Dad! Don! They're out there! - What, the androids? - Yeah, I saw one of them.
All right, get back in the ship.
- Is it ready? - Ready as it'll ever be.
[ Electrical Hum .]
Smith, get inside! My thoughts and prayers go with you.
[ Thunder .]
[ Alien's Voice .]
Terrestrials, listen to me.
Surrender the real Smith and we will not harm you.
If you do not surrender him, you will be destroyed.
Our powers are greater than yours.
We have already incapacitated your Robot.
If you doubt our strength, watch this demonstration.
[ Thunder .]
Even your force fields cannot stop us.
Even your force field cannot stop us.
- Maybe I can stop him with this.
- No! Stop! Stop! It's no use, my friends.
The end is inevitable.
They will overwhelm your defenses and drag me off.
Well, do you have any other suggestions then, Dr.
Smith? - I will go out and surrender to them.
- No! We won't let you.
Dear little nipper, my mind is made up.
And I shall give my life gladly to save those I have grown to love.
But whether on the scaffold high or in the battle's van the fittest place a man can die is where he dies for man.
How beautiful.
Do you have any idea what they'll do to you? Perhaps I can make an arrangement with them.
And if not, at least I shall be a king for a little while.
I might even learn to drink glooog and make sleemoth.
- I'm sorry, Smith, you can't do this-- - Stay back, Professor Robinson.
I shall not hesitate to shoot if it means saving the lives of the others.
And now, farewell, dear friends.
Fetch me my royal crown and raiment.
If you must take me, I shall go as your king.
[ Thunder .]
- They're gone.
They took him.
- [ Dr.
Smith .]
Certainly not.
There.
Oh.
Enough of this masquerade.
Oh, my back.
I'm afraid I shall have to retire to restore my vital forces.
- Daddy Zach-- - Daddy Zach, indeed.
I never want to hear that revolting name ever again in my presence.
[ Laughs .]
Now that's the real Dr.
Smith.
- You are Smith.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Of course I am.
Did you think for one moment that I would go off to an uncertain fate in an alien world? You mean, Daddy Zach took your place, and you took Daddy Zach's place? Yes.
And, oh, the strain of it.
He was a noble fellow.
However, I found it very easy to convince him to see reason.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I must retire.
- Good night, sweet prince.
- [ Laughing .]
If it's any comfort to you, Major both I and my alter ego are quite certain that nothing dreadful will happen to him.
You see, the Andronicans have a horror of waste.
And as soon as they realize that he's really a very useful sort they will alter their plans and release him.
Daddy Zach? Baah! [ Laughing .]
- [ Chattering .]
- [ Don .]
How about that, huh? [ Penny .]
Yeah.
That's something.
- Son, what's the matter? - Oh, I don't know.
I'm glad to have the real Dr.
Smith back.
But I was just thinking about Daddy Zach.
He was really nice.
I sort of wish that-- No.
I guess there wouldn't be enough room on one planet for two Dr.
Smiths.
- [ Chuckles .]
I guess not.
- No.
- Come on, let's go.
- Come on, dear.
Now, what have we here? "Portable thruster employed in rocket-belt flight by Professor John Robinson, circa 1997.
" Hardly the kind of thing I'd deposit in a time capsule for future voyagers to discover.
The Egyptians buried lots of things in their time capsules, Dr.
Smith.
That's why we know so much about them.
Did the Egyptians have time capsules too? Sure.
They called them "pyramids.
" Penny, see if you can find something a little more interesting in that carton.
I think we'd better get back, Dr.
Smith.
It's getting late.
Never fear, Smith is here.
You're perfectly safe.
Hey, look what I found.
Mom's space gauntlets.
- She wore these the day we left Earth.
- How exciting.
Look again.
- I think this is something of yours, Dr.
Smith.
- Ah? Ah, this is more like it.
"Meditations of a Galactic Castaway: "Being an account of the courage, fortitude and personal sacrifice of Dr.
Zachary Smith.
" I shall undoubtedly be named to the Space Voyager's Hall of Fame - when posterity learns of my brilliance, my courage, my-- - [ Eerie Howling .]
Uh, uh, what was that? Sounded like a wolf to me.
There can't be any wolves out here.
Oh, yes, there can.
Look.
All I see are the two moons, and we've seen them before.
But never so bursting with fullness.
- Is that bad? - [ Dr.
Smith .]
Bad, my dear child? It portends the very worst of evil happenings the night the witches dance and the misbegotten creatures of doom walk the earth.
- When the dark and dismal voices-- - [ Howling .]
There it is again.
It can only be a werewolf.
A werewolf? On this planet? Why should this planet be an exception? We'd better go! Wait.
Maybe the Robot can tell us what it really is.
Identify animal noises, Robot.
Animal noises produced by predator Canis lupus.
Volume and pitch indicate predator to be in condition of extreme ferocity.
- Canis lupus? - Yes, canis lupus.
Werewolves! We must hurry! Hurry! Help me up, my dear.
Ohh! Warning! Warning! Canis lupus in area! Warning! - We should never have stayed out this late.
- And whose fault is that? This is no time for idle recriminations.
- This way.
Come.
- Will.
- [ Growling .]
- [ Screams .]
[ Growling .]