Sabrina The Teenage Witch s01e24 Episode Script
Troll Bride
- Salem? - Huh? Glee Club.
Oh, man, don't do that to me.
Sorry, but I need a favour.
- See, I haven't had a date in weeks.
- No.
Come on, you've done it before.
- Well, I'm not doing it again.
- I'll make it worth your while.
Okay, but it's gonna cost you.
Here's your cat, ma'am.
I can't believe he did that.
Bad kitty.
Cats aren't the brightest animals.
You are so right.
- Are you okay? - No.
I'm fine.
Now, how can I ever thank you? Oh, look.
A freshly baked, homemade seven layer cake.
Would you like some? Was it made by a single gal? Yes, sirree.
Then I'll just put my ladder away and be right back.
Good work, Salem.
Show me the tuna.
[SINGING.]
You gotta show me the tuna Say "I love the black cat" - I love the black cat.
- I can't hear you.
- I love the black cat! - I love the black cat.
When I go out, I like to go Dutch.
Genetics will be on the final.
Everything we studied this semester will be on the final.
Including what mitosis is.
It's not fair.
We only get three days to learn a whole semester's worth of biology.
I guess we were supposed to be learning it all along.
I wish I could read my notes.
Can you decipher this? Mitosis is Nope.
I'm doomed.
Look, you can borrow my notes.
We'll get through finals together.
Well, if it isn't the cutest couple in the sophomore class.
Jeez, Libby, you're running out of insults.
No.
I'm on the yearbook committee, and I just thought you'd like to know you've been voted Cutest Couple.
I'd like to thank the Academy.
You're being very brave about this, Sabrina, considering the curse.
What curse? Every couple who ever won the award broke up by the first day of finals.
- That's ridiculous.
- And sad.
Well, you don't think there's a curse, do you? No, we're solid as a rock.
Curses belong in fairy tales along with giant beanstalks and witches.
Zelda, will you do me a favour and choke on this bread? - What? - I can't think of any other way to see my fireman again.
You choke.
He Heimlichs.
We go dancing.
Hilda, it's wrong to distract a fireman from his public duty.
Hey, I pay taxes.
Oh, thank goodness you're home.
- Choke on this.
- Gladly.
Stop that.
Is everything okay? It depends on whether curses are real or not.
See, Harvey and I got voted the Cutest Couple.
- No, oh, no.
- What? Oh, nothing.
She's just excited for you.
Don't you worry about this curse.
- You're gonna be fine.
- Really? Absolutely.
Cool.
Then all I have to worry about is finals.
What are you saying? You know curses count double for witches.
There's nothing Sabrina can do about it and knowing just makes it worse.
Curses.
SALEM: Hurry up, Sabrina.
You're gonna miss the bus.
Oh, Salem, have you seen my biology notes? Nope, sports section's lining my box this week.
But I need them.
Chill, little witch.
Just use a finding spell in your magic book.
Ah.
Here we go.
"Finder of lost things, help me find my enter lost item here.
" Oh.
Finder of lost things, help me find My biology notes - I'm here.
- Who are you? Roland, Finder of Lost Things.
Local 134.
Nice to meet you.
If you just sign this contract, I'll be happy to get right to work.
It's really long.
That's just to cover us in the event I get trapped under something heavy.
There.
Okay, stand back please.
[ROLAND CLEARS THROAT.]
Ah-ha.
I found your notes and 50 cents.
Thanks.
Here you go.
Get yourself something nice.
I'm not looking for a gratuity.
Just my standard fee.
- What's that? - Anything in this room.
It says so right in that contract.
Anything? Well, I have quite a selection.
How about this lovely paperweight? I don't need a paperweight.
How's this bed? Kind of lumpy.
Oh, I love this clock radio.
Could your hurry up? I'm late for class.
You know, you're kind of cute when you pout.
Could you just decide? Okay, I know what I want.
- You.
- Me? I want your hand in marriage.
I'm only 16.
I know you're kind of old, but that's okay.
I don't have time.
There's a troll in my room.
I'll tell you later.
Did she say troll? Intestinal peristaltic action moves food through the body, making digestion both a mechanical and chemical process.
- Yes, Jenny.
- Did we even study that? For a week.
Who's that? Oh, no.
May I help you? I'm here to see Sabrina.
Personal matter.
POOL: She's in the middle of class.
I'll wait.
Mind if I have a seat? Oh, he's an actor.
You can catch him at the Renaissance Faire.
Can we get back to learning? How long is the large intestine? - Oh, oh, call me.
Call me.
- Yes? The large intestine is over two miles long.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
- It's 5 feet max.
- What do you know? He's the teacher.
I'm telling you, human beings do not have four stomachs.
Let's open you up and find out.
Leave me alone.
That's all for today.
I'm not finished yet.
Who is that guy? Oh, it's a really funny story.
I'll tell you about it later.
I gotta go.
So do you want a big wedding or just the family? We're not getting married.
- Hey, Harvey, come sit with us.
- Who's that? - My boyfriend.
- Boyfriend? - Hi, guys.
- Harvey, this is Roland.
- Nice to meet you.
- Get lost, farm boy.
Farm boy? I've never been on a farm in my life.
Well, I find that hard to believe, farm boy.
My name's Harvey.
Harvey, the farm boy.
Why don't you back off? Why don't you make me? It's go time, goober.
I'm not gonna fight you.
Oh, chicken.
[CLUCKING.]
Make you think of the farm, farm boy? - That's it.
- Stop.
Roland, quit it and get off the table.
Sabrina, what's going on? It's a funny story.
I'll tell you about it later.
SABRINA: Come on.
Come on.
I think you could have taken him.
That was surreal.
I have no idea what just happened.
Oh, it's the curse.
I'm afraid you and Sabrina are going down.
Why do we have to be so cute? And get in there and no more fights, do you understand? Okay, okay.
Henpecked already.
And I love it.
Oh, I'm exhausted.
Mind if I make myself comfortable? So she did say "troll.
" - What's he doing here? - I'll tell you in the kitchen.
SABRINA: Go.
Go.
Go.
So, what do I do now? We'd better call a lawyer.
This contract looks authentic.
Do you know any troll specialists? We'll look one up in the Purple Pages.
Stuart Clarkson here.
You have a legal emergency? A troll has asked for my hand in marriage.
- Did you sign a contract? - Yes.
- Did you read the contract? - No.
- Have a nice wedding.
- Wait.
You can't go.
You have to help us.
But you're asking me to break a legitimate contract.
Isn't that what lawyers do? Right! Where's the paperwork? Hopeless.
Hopeless.
- I am not getting married.
- According to this you are.
- Oh, no.
- What? Sorry, misread a word.
It's "dearth," not "death.
" Oh, man, I am sweating up a storm.
Do you mind if I take off my jacket and pants? - Your pants? - Yes.
Don't worry.
I'm wearing a four-piece suit.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- Hey.
- Harvey.
You left in kind of a hurry.
Can I come in and talk? No.
Why don't we just step outside? Oh, this is nice, the great outdoors.
So, what did you wanna talk about? Who's that guy who tried to beat me up at school today? Roland.
That's a funny story.
I'll tell you later.
It is later.
Well, he's a friend of my aunts.
- That's the funny story? - I don't tell it very well.
Why do I feel you're keeping something from me? I can't really talk about it.
It's too weird.
Sabrina, I'm your boyfriend.
Do you want us to keep secrets from each other? - No.
- So can you tell me who Roland is? - No.
- Okay, I'm out of here.
Harvey.
Roland.
Roland.
Glee Club.
- Roland, can I talk to you? - Of course.
Communication is the foundation of any marriage.
I'm not marrying you.
Sorry, I didn't hear you.
I'm not marrying you.
Look, I'm very flattered that you chose me over a clock radio.
- But this is not my idea of romance.
- And farm boy is? Yes.
Harvey and I happen to be an award-winning couple.
- And even though we're fighting now-- - You are? We'll work it out because Harvey and I were meant to be together.
So my love goes unrequited? I guess there's no reason for me to carry on this charade.
You still deserve your fee for finding my notes.
- Want that clock radio? - No.
Can I say something? I've found a lot of things in my life, but I guess I'm still looking for love.
Goodbye.
- What did you do to him? - Nothing, I just-- - Look, he left his hat.
- You'd better take it to him.
It completes his outfit.
- I'll be right back.
- See you.
Hello? Roland? What do you want? You forgot your hat.
Who cares? Look, I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you planned.
Well, I gotta go study.
- It's stuck.
- No, it's locked.
- And you're trapped in here forever.
- You tricked me? Sabrina, I'm a finder, not a loser.
[LAUGHING.]
- Oh, no.
So when should we have the wedding? - Never.
- I think June would be better.
- You can't keep me here.
- Oh, yes I can.
Faster.
Faster.
Please, I am dealing with some incredibly big words.
Guys, Sabrina went to return Roland's hat an hour ago and she hasn't come back yet.
Oh, no.
That old troll trick.
And it's perfectly legal.
It took me two days, but I found that needle in a haystack.
Don't you ever talk about anything but work? [KNOCKS ON DOOR.]
That must be the wedding coordinator.
My aunts.
You've come to rescue me? Actually, no, but we're working on getting you out.
Good luck.
It's an ironclad contract.
Yes, but we have a lawyer with great legs.
And in the meantime, we brought Sabrina her schoolbooks.
Woo-hoo.
I'm engaged to a troll and I get to study for finals.
Okay, visiting hours are over.
Once we're family, you're welcome in my house anytime.
But for now, vamoose.
Don't worry.
We'll get you out.
Before Friday or I'll fail biology.
Forget homework.
You're my princess now.
I can dress myself.
Hopeless.
Hopeless.
- Oh, ho.
Buried clause.
- Is that good? "The party of the first part may be rescued by a prince she desires.
" - This may be the way out.
- That's great.
Do we know any princes? I'll set up some interviews.
Under special skills, it says wall climbing? - Oh, that's old.
- What about dragon slaying? I haven't done it in years.
Look, I know I've let myself go, but I think I can handle a troll.
Do I smell pie? Look, I know 12 different ways of killing you both without leaving my chair.
So when do I start? Isis, you are our most qualified applicant, but we still can't use you.
- It's because I'm a woman, isn't it? - Well, yes.
This makes me so-- No, I'm gonna save this anger for my support group.
Do you want some juice? Okay, we're looking for a prince to save our niece from a troll.
It could involve some swordplay, and there is no guarantee that you'll come back alive.
[TEARFULLY.]
I don't wanna die.
Don't cry.
Do you want your mom? Shall we get the queen? Hi, is Sabrina home? - Oh, no, I'm sorry.
- Me too.
Well, when you see her, could you tell her that I've thought about it and I'm willing to accept whatever weird situation she's in.
That's all.
See you.
Harvey, would you come in for a moment? Sure.
[ZELDA CHUCKLES.]
I couldn't help but notice your jacket.
Who is the "Termite King?" My dad.
That's his company.
Which would make you the Termite Prince.
And that's why I'm leaving the area when I go to college.
Will you excuse me? There's hope.
The Termite Prince will stand up in a court of troll.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
The only problem is, Harvey's mortal.
Do we have the fixings for a memory loss potion? Do we? I see you two in a gazebo, draped in wisteria.
I'm loving it.
With garlands in her hair and yours.
Divine.
I have an idea.
Why don't you two get married? I see the bride has a case of cold feet.
Poor Sabrina.
Maybe I shouldn't put you through all the stress of this.
- You mean--? - Yes.
Let's move the wedding up to tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Somebody help me.
Help.
Mmm.
Cinnamon-y.
What we're about to tell you is strange.
So I hope you can accept it.
I'm drinking from a chalice in front of a guy with no pants.
I'm trying.
So, what's the truth? Sabrina's a witch and she's being held captive by a troll in his castle and only a prince who she loves can save her.
That's all? So the quest starts with me going through the linen closet? Yes.
Wait, your clothes are all wrong.
I don't have to dress like this forever, do I? No, just until you vanquish the troll.
I couldn't vanquish the troll in pants? Sabrina.
- Sabrina.
- Harvey? Sabrina.
- Harvey.
- How's it going? - What are you doing here? - I'm supposed to vanquish the troll.
Come on up.
I can't.
The door is locked.
There must be a way.
We have to think fairy tale.
I've got it.
[GRUNTING.]
Harvey, climb up my hair.
You're okay with that? Yeah.
Just don't split any ends.
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
? HARVEY [GRUNTING.]
: I'm almost there.
Hurry up.
I made it.
My prince has come.
You look great with long hair.
It's a lot of upkeep.
Let me look at you.
So I guess this means you know how weird my life is.
Your aunts told me.
I figured as much when I saw you in tights.
They're kind of bunching on me.
ROLAND: Sweetheart, look what the Billy Goats sent us.
Quick.
Hide.
I've gotta get rid of this hair.
It's a blender.
What's he doing here? Oh, right, you're good at finding things.
Where's my sword? Where's my sword? Ah-ha.
I found it.
Sabrina, what do I do? Draw your sword.
- Now what do I do? - Use it.
Take that.
Take it back.
Watch out.
Time-out.
Time-out.
Time in.
- Where'd he go? - To your left.
Over here, farm boy.
I hate that name.
Don't worry, Harvey.
Here comes the air support.
Honey, that almost hit me.
ROLAND: What are you doing? Hey, I'm duelling down here.
[LAUGHING.]
You've taken your last breath.
My aim is true.
Bull's-eye.
And to think I complained about lugging that around all year.
Harvey.
Harvey.
What happened? Sabrina, did you do this to me? Sorry, Roland, but consider yourself vanquished.
You're a very complicated woman.
And more trouble than you're worth.
The marriage is off.
And if anyone asks, I dumped you.
- We did it.
- Let's frolic.
- Wait.
What day is it? - Thursday.
We've got our biology test tomorrow.
We've got to study.
Move it.
Sabrina, you're back.
Harvey saved me, and now he knows everything.
Yep.
Sabrina's a witch.
You're a witch.
Your sister's a witch.
It all makes sense.
But only for 15 more seconds.
Then the knowledge will be erased from his memory forever.
But I like it like this.
We have no secrets from each other.
Then for the next five seconds, you have a perfect relationship.
That doesn't give me much time, but I always knew there was something magical about you, Sabrina.
And now-- [MAGICAL DING.]
What was I saying? You were telling me what mitosis is.
Right.
What is it? And initial here.
I found this pen, you know? Sabrina is now free and clear to marry whoever she wants.
In return, you are entitled to her clock radio.
I didn't really want it.
I just took it to hurt her.
It's the first day of finals.
What are you doing holding hands? - We survived the curse.
- How? It's a funny story.
I'll tell you about it later.
You have 50 minutes.
Don't start until everyone has a test.
Sabrina, good luck.
You too.
And don't forget, mitosis is-- - You may begin.
- The process of cell division.
Sabrina, we have a surprise.
Since you did so well on your finals, we think you deserve a reward.
I've been thinking that too.
So where are we going? Tony Roma's? No.
- What's going on? - It's an around-the-world tour available only to witches who ace biology.
- And their relatives.
- First stop: Spain.
Olé.
They left me behind.
Be strong.
Don't cry.
[SOBBING.]
I can't believe we almost forgot you.
What? Had you left? Yes.
Now we have to catch up with the others.
Olé.
Oh, man, don't do that to me.
Sorry, but I need a favour.
- See, I haven't had a date in weeks.
- No.
Come on, you've done it before.
- Well, I'm not doing it again.
- I'll make it worth your while.
Okay, but it's gonna cost you.
Here's your cat, ma'am.
I can't believe he did that.
Bad kitty.
Cats aren't the brightest animals.
You are so right.
- Are you okay? - No.
I'm fine.
Now, how can I ever thank you? Oh, look.
A freshly baked, homemade seven layer cake.
Would you like some? Was it made by a single gal? Yes, sirree.
Then I'll just put my ladder away and be right back.
Good work, Salem.
Show me the tuna.
[SINGING.]
You gotta show me the tuna Say "I love the black cat" - I love the black cat.
- I can't hear you.
- I love the black cat! - I love the black cat.
When I go out, I like to go Dutch.
Genetics will be on the final.
Everything we studied this semester will be on the final.
Including what mitosis is.
It's not fair.
We only get three days to learn a whole semester's worth of biology.
I guess we were supposed to be learning it all along.
I wish I could read my notes.
Can you decipher this? Mitosis is Nope.
I'm doomed.
Look, you can borrow my notes.
We'll get through finals together.
Well, if it isn't the cutest couple in the sophomore class.
Jeez, Libby, you're running out of insults.
No.
I'm on the yearbook committee, and I just thought you'd like to know you've been voted Cutest Couple.
I'd like to thank the Academy.
You're being very brave about this, Sabrina, considering the curse.
What curse? Every couple who ever won the award broke up by the first day of finals.
- That's ridiculous.
- And sad.
Well, you don't think there's a curse, do you? No, we're solid as a rock.
Curses belong in fairy tales along with giant beanstalks and witches.
Zelda, will you do me a favour and choke on this bread? - What? - I can't think of any other way to see my fireman again.
You choke.
He Heimlichs.
We go dancing.
Hilda, it's wrong to distract a fireman from his public duty.
Hey, I pay taxes.
Oh, thank goodness you're home.
- Choke on this.
- Gladly.
Stop that.
Is everything okay? It depends on whether curses are real or not.
See, Harvey and I got voted the Cutest Couple.
- No, oh, no.
- What? Oh, nothing.
She's just excited for you.
Don't you worry about this curse.
- You're gonna be fine.
- Really? Absolutely.
Cool.
Then all I have to worry about is finals.
What are you saying? You know curses count double for witches.
There's nothing Sabrina can do about it and knowing just makes it worse.
Curses.
SALEM: Hurry up, Sabrina.
You're gonna miss the bus.
Oh, Salem, have you seen my biology notes? Nope, sports section's lining my box this week.
But I need them.
Chill, little witch.
Just use a finding spell in your magic book.
Ah.
Here we go.
"Finder of lost things, help me find my enter lost item here.
" Oh.
Finder of lost things, help me find My biology notes - I'm here.
- Who are you? Roland, Finder of Lost Things.
Local 134.
Nice to meet you.
If you just sign this contract, I'll be happy to get right to work.
It's really long.
That's just to cover us in the event I get trapped under something heavy.
There.
Okay, stand back please.
[ROLAND CLEARS THROAT.]
Ah-ha.
I found your notes and 50 cents.
Thanks.
Here you go.
Get yourself something nice.
I'm not looking for a gratuity.
Just my standard fee.
- What's that? - Anything in this room.
It says so right in that contract.
Anything? Well, I have quite a selection.
How about this lovely paperweight? I don't need a paperweight.
How's this bed? Kind of lumpy.
Oh, I love this clock radio.
Could your hurry up? I'm late for class.
You know, you're kind of cute when you pout.
Could you just decide? Okay, I know what I want.
- You.
- Me? I want your hand in marriage.
I'm only 16.
I know you're kind of old, but that's okay.
I don't have time.
There's a troll in my room.
I'll tell you later.
Did she say troll? Intestinal peristaltic action moves food through the body, making digestion both a mechanical and chemical process.
- Yes, Jenny.
- Did we even study that? For a week.
Who's that? Oh, no.
May I help you? I'm here to see Sabrina.
Personal matter.
POOL: She's in the middle of class.
I'll wait.
Mind if I have a seat? Oh, he's an actor.
You can catch him at the Renaissance Faire.
Can we get back to learning? How long is the large intestine? - Oh, oh, call me.
Call me.
- Yes? The large intestine is over two miles long.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
- It's 5 feet max.
- What do you know? He's the teacher.
I'm telling you, human beings do not have four stomachs.
Let's open you up and find out.
Leave me alone.
That's all for today.
I'm not finished yet.
Who is that guy? Oh, it's a really funny story.
I'll tell you about it later.
I gotta go.
So do you want a big wedding or just the family? We're not getting married.
- Hey, Harvey, come sit with us.
- Who's that? - My boyfriend.
- Boyfriend? - Hi, guys.
- Harvey, this is Roland.
- Nice to meet you.
- Get lost, farm boy.
Farm boy? I've never been on a farm in my life.
Well, I find that hard to believe, farm boy.
My name's Harvey.
Harvey, the farm boy.
Why don't you back off? Why don't you make me? It's go time, goober.
I'm not gonna fight you.
Oh, chicken.
[CLUCKING.]
Make you think of the farm, farm boy? - That's it.
- Stop.
Roland, quit it and get off the table.
Sabrina, what's going on? It's a funny story.
I'll tell you about it later.
SABRINA: Come on.
Come on.
I think you could have taken him.
That was surreal.
I have no idea what just happened.
Oh, it's the curse.
I'm afraid you and Sabrina are going down.
Why do we have to be so cute? And get in there and no more fights, do you understand? Okay, okay.
Henpecked already.
And I love it.
Oh, I'm exhausted.
Mind if I make myself comfortable? So she did say "troll.
" - What's he doing here? - I'll tell you in the kitchen.
SABRINA: Go.
Go.
Go.
So, what do I do now? We'd better call a lawyer.
This contract looks authentic.
Do you know any troll specialists? We'll look one up in the Purple Pages.
Stuart Clarkson here.
You have a legal emergency? A troll has asked for my hand in marriage.
- Did you sign a contract? - Yes.
- Did you read the contract? - No.
- Have a nice wedding.
- Wait.
You can't go.
You have to help us.
But you're asking me to break a legitimate contract.
Isn't that what lawyers do? Right! Where's the paperwork? Hopeless.
Hopeless.
- I am not getting married.
- According to this you are.
- Oh, no.
- What? Sorry, misread a word.
It's "dearth," not "death.
" Oh, man, I am sweating up a storm.
Do you mind if I take off my jacket and pants? - Your pants? - Yes.
Don't worry.
I'm wearing a four-piece suit.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- Hey.
- Harvey.
You left in kind of a hurry.
Can I come in and talk? No.
Why don't we just step outside? Oh, this is nice, the great outdoors.
So, what did you wanna talk about? Who's that guy who tried to beat me up at school today? Roland.
That's a funny story.
I'll tell you later.
It is later.
Well, he's a friend of my aunts.
- That's the funny story? - I don't tell it very well.
Why do I feel you're keeping something from me? I can't really talk about it.
It's too weird.
Sabrina, I'm your boyfriend.
Do you want us to keep secrets from each other? - No.
- So can you tell me who Roland is? - No.
- Okay, I'm out of here.
Harvey.
Roland.
Roland.
Glee Club.
- Roland, can I talk to you? - Of course.
Communication is the foundation of any marriage.
I'm not marrying you.
Sorry, I didn't hear you.
I'm not marrying you.
Look, I'm very flattered that you chose me over a clock radio.
- But this is not my idea of romance.
- And farm boy is? Yes.
Harvey and I happen to be an award-winning couple.
- And even though we're fighting now-- - You are? We'll work it out because Harvey and I were meant to be together.
So my love goes unrequited? I guess there's no reason for me to carry on this charade.
You still deserve your fee for finding my notes.
- Want that clock radio? - No.
Can I say something? I've found a lot of things in my life, but I guess I'm still looking for love.
Goodbye.
- What did you do to him? - Nothing, I just-- - Look, he left his hat.
- You'd better take it to him.
It completes his outfit.
- I'll be right back.
- See you.
Hello? Roland? What do you want? You forgot your hat.
Who cares? Look, I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you planned.
Well, I gotta go study.
- It's stuck.
- No, it's locked.
- And you're trapped in here forever.
- You tricked me? Sabrina, I'm a finder, not a loser.
[LAUGHING.]
- Oh, no.
So when should we have the wedding? - Never.
- I think June would be better.
- You can't keep me here.
- Oh, yes I can.
Faster.
Faster.
Please, I am dealing with some incredibly big words.
Guys, Sabrina went to return Roland's hat an hour ago and she hasn't come back yet.
Oh, no.
That old troll trick.
And it's perfectly legal.
It took me two days, but I found that needle in a haystack.
Don't you ever talk about anything but work? [KNOCKS ON DOOR.]
That must be the wedding coordinator.
My aunts.
You've come to rescue me? Actually, no, but we're working on getting you out.
Good luck.
It's an ironclad contract.
Yes, but we have a lawyer with great legs.
And in the meantime, we brought Sabrina her schoolbooks.
Woo-hoo.
I'm engaged to a troll and I get to study for finals.
Okay, visiting hours are over.
Once we're family, you're welcome in my house anytime.
But for now, vamoose.
Don't worry.
We'll get you out.
Before Friday or I'll fail biology.
Forget homework.
You're my princess now.
I can dress myself.
Hopeless.
Hopeless.
- Oh, ho.
Buried clause.
- Is that good? "The party of the first part may be rescued by a prince she desires.
" - This may be the way out.
- That's great.
Do we know any princes? I'll set up some interviews.
Under special skills, it says wall climbing? - Oh, that's old.
- What about dragon slaying? I haven't done it in years.
Look, I know I've let myself go, but I think I can handle a troll.
Do I smell pie? Look, I know 12 different ways of killing you both without leaving my chair.
So when do I start? Isis, you are our most qualified applicant, but we still can't use you.
- It's because I'm a woman, isn't it? - Well, yes.
This makes me so-- No, I'm gonna save this anger for my support group.
Do you want some juice? Okay, we're looking for a prince to save our niece from a troll.
It could involve some swordplay, and there is no guarantee that you'll come back alive.
[TEARFULLY.]
I don't wanna die.
Don't cry.
Do you want your mom? Shall we get the queen? Hi, is Sabrina home? - Oh, no, I'm sorry.
- Me too.
Well, when you see her, could you tell her that I've thought about it and I'm willing to accept whatever weird situation she's in.
That's all.
See you.
Harvey, would you come in for a moment? Sure.
[ZELDA CHUCKLES.]
I couldn't help but notice your jacket.
Who is the "Termite King?" My dad.
That's his company.
Which would make you the Termite Prince.
And that's why I'm leaving the area when I go to college.
Will you excuse me? There's hope.
The Termite Prince will stand up in a court of troll.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
The only problem is, Harvey's mortal.
Do we have the fixings for a memory loss potion? Do we? I see you two in a gazebo, draped in wisteria.
I'm loving it.
With garlands in her hair and yours.
Divine.
I have an idea.
Why don't you two get married? I see the bride has a case of cold feet.
Poor Sabrina.
Maybe I shouldn't put you through all the stress of this.
- You mean--? - Yes.
Let's move the wedding up to tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Somebody help me.
Help.
Mmm.
Cinnamon-y.
What we're about to tell you is strange.
So I hope you can accept it.
I'm drinking from a chalice in front of a guy with no pants.
I'm trying.
So, what's the truth? Sabrina's a witch and she's being held captive by a troll in his castle and only a prince who she loves can save her.
That's all? So the quest starts with me going through the linen closet? Yes.
Wait, your clothes are all wrong.
I don't have to dress like this forever, do I? No, just until you vanquish the troll.
I couldn't vanquish the troll in pants? Sabrina.
- Sabrina.
- Harvey? Sabrina.
- Harvey.
- How's it going? - What are you doing here? - I'm supposed to vanquish the troll.
Come on up.
I can't.
The door is locked.
There must be a way.
We have to think fairy tale.
I've got it.
[GRUNTING.]
Harvey, climb up my hair.
You're okay with that? Yeah.
Just don't split any ends.
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
? HARVEY [GRUNTING.]
: I'm almost there.
Hurry up.
I made it.
My prince has come.
You look great with long hair.
It's a lot of upkeep.
Let me look at you.
So I guess this means you know how weird my life is.
Your aunts told me.
I figured as much when I saw you in tights.
They're kind of bunching on me.
ROLAND: Sweetheart, look what the Billy Goats sent us.
Quick.
Hide.
I've gotta get rid of this hair.
It's a blender.
What's he doing here? Oh, right, you're good at finding things.
Where's my sword? Where's my sword? Ah-ha.
I found it.
Sabrina, what do I do? Draw your sword.
- Now what do I do? - Use it.
Take that.
Take it back.
Watch out.
Time-out.
Time-out.
Time in.
- Where'd he go? - To your left.
Over here, farm boy.
I hate that name.
Don't worry, Harvey.
Here comes the air support.
Honey, that almost hit me.
ROLAND: What are you doing? Hey, I'm duelling down here.
[LAUGHING.]
You've taken your last breath.
My aim is true.
Bull's-eye.
And to think I complained about lugging that around all year.
Harvey.
Harvey.
What happened? Sabrina, did you do this to me? Sorry, Roland, but consider yourself vanquished.
You're a very complicated woman.
And more trouble than you're worth.
The marriage is off.
And if anyone asks, I dumped you.
- We did it.
- Let's frolic.
- Wait.
What day is it? - Thursday.
We've got our biology test tomorrow.
We've got to study.
Move it.
Sabrina, you're back.
Harvey saved me, and now he knows everything.
Yep.
Sabrina's a witch.
You're a witch.
Your sister's a witch.
It all makes sense.
But only for 15 more seconds.
Then the knowledge will be erased from his memory forever.
But I like it like this.
We have no secrets from each other.
Then for the next five seconds, you have a perfect relationship.
That doesn't give me much time, but I always knew there was something magical about you, Sabrina.
And now-- [MAGICAL DING.]
What was I saying? You were telling me what mitosis is.
Right.
What is it? And initial here.
I found this pen, you know? Sabrina is now free and clear to marry whoever she wants.
In return, you are entitled to her clock radio.
I didn't really want it.
I just took it to hurt her.
It's the first day of finals.
What are you doing holding hands? - We survived the curse.
- How? It's a funny story.
I'll tell you about it later.
You have 50 minutes.
Don't start until everyone has a test.
Sabrina, good luck.
You too.
And don't forget, mitosis is-- - You may begin.
- The process of cell division.
Sabrina, we have a surprise.
Since you did so well on your finals, we think you deserve a reward.
I've been thinking that too.
So where are we going? Tony Roma's? No.
- What's going on? - It's an around-the-world tour available only to witches who ace biology.
- And their relatives.
- First stop: Spain.
Olé.
They left me behind.
Be strong.
Don't cry.
[SOBBING.]
I can't believe we almost forgot you.
What? Had you left? Yes.
Now we have to catch up with the others.
Olé.