The Mary Tyler Moore Show (1970) s01e24 Episode Script

How will you make it on your own This world is awfully big And, girl this time you're all alone But it's time you started living It's time you let someone else do some giving Love is all around No need to waste it You can have the town Why don't you take it You might just make it After all You might just make it after all Hi, guys.
Hey, Gordy.
How are things in the world of sports? How would I know? I'm the weatherman.
Oh.
Yes.
Why do I keep thinking you're a sportscaster? - Anyway, Barry thinks you're doing a great job, though.
- Barry? Our new station manager.
The one we call Mr.
Phelps.
Keep up the good work.
Our audience sure loves that great sports stuff.
Uh, weather stuff.
[Clearing Throat.]
Mary, what's that you have all over your dress? - Yellow feathers.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
Why do you have yellow feathers all over your dress? Because I was trying to console Big Chicken.
Well, I find it hard to sympathize with a grown man that puts on a chicken suit every day and shows cartoons to three-year-olds.
Murray, you ought to try.
Uncle Potato got a higher rating than Big Chicken, and Mr.
Phelps fired him.
Gee, I'm sorry to hear that.
He's really a nice guy.
- Who are you sorry about? - Big Chicken.
Mr.
Phelps just fired him.
Too bad.
He was a great chicken.
Oh, Lou? Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou.
What is it, Ted? Just my whole life, my whole career, my life.
Can't it wait? Lou, they just fired Big Chicken.
Since when have you ever been concerned about another human being? This time I'm concerned.
Big Chicken had a higher rating than I do.
Quit worrying.
Big Chicken had a higher rating than all of us, but I'm not worried.
Why should you? They always blame the star.
Besides, I don't think Barry likes me.
Ted, he hasn't been here long enough not to like you.
He's only been here a couple weeks.
It takes three weeks not to like you.
I know.
But he hasn't thanked me for my gift yet.
You're still doing that, huh? Buying gifts for the new station managers.
I'll never forget what you got the last one ten bucks.
Well, he was a hard person to shop for.
What did you get Phelps that he didn't thank you for? An autographed copy of Winston Churchill's memoirs.
You know, he was the prime minister of England.
- Yeah, I heard a rumor.
- Well, it's true.
Where did you ever find a copy with Churchill's autograph? No, no.
Not Churchill's.
Mine.
"To Barry from Ted.
" Should have put my last name on it.
Now he'll think it's Ted Martin of Sales.
What am I gonna do? He's gonna fire me.
I just know it.
Ted! Calm down! Phelps doesn't own this station.
Wild Jack Monroe owns this station.
I've seen a dozen Phelps in that job since I've been here.
I feel likeJ.
Edgar Hoover watching presidents of the United States come and go.
Now, if you're through, I've got a TV show to put on.
- Thanks, Lou.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Rings.]
- Newsroom.
Just a moment, please.
Ted, telephone.
- Find out who it is.
- It's Mr.
Phelps.
Hello, Mr.
Phelps, sir.
What? Now? Oh, no.
I'm not busy.
I'll be I'll be right there.
Yes, I'll tell them.
Barry Mr.
Phelps wants to see us all immediately.
- I'll get Mr.
Grant.
- All except Lou.
Let's go, gang.
- Where is everybody? - Uh, they went to the bank.
- Where are you going? - Uh, to the bank.
Say hello to everybody for me.
I'm sorry I haven't gotten to know everybody yet.
I've only been on the job for two weeks.
Only a couple of weeks, but you've done a heck of a job.
Right, gang? I imagine you all know why we're here.
Uh, no, I don't.
Our sales manager can sum it up for us.
Ev? - I can't sell the news.
- Ev can't sell the news.
Why not? Mary? Uh, why can't Ev sell the news? Uh, I don't know.
Ev is one of the top men in his field.
- That's why I listen hard when he says - I can't sell the news.
Barry, I've been giving the problem serious thought, and I can only say that my fan mail is up 28 percent.
In other words, I feel the source of the situation may be behind the cameras.
Gordy, we haven't heard from you yet.
Oh, by the way, I must say you're doing crackerjack work handling sports.
I'm the weatherman.
Of course.
You're the weatherman, yeah.
Mary, someone is letting us down.
Mr.
Grant is very happy with the way everyone's been doing their jobs.
So if there's a problem, shouldn't Mr.
Grant be here - Oh.
- Precisely.
How would you judge Lou Grant's work? - I don't judge his work.
He judges mine.
- Heavy.
- Quite frankly, Mr.
Phelps - Please, don't get upset, Mary.
The matter has already been decided.
- Decided? - Yes.
You can go.
Thank you.
Uh, I'm sorry I took so long.
There was a long line at the bank.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Here it comes now.
A more miserable lot I've never seen.
Hey, everybody, come on.
Let's all have a meeting.
Now, there's been lots of rumors going around about people being fired.
I want to tell you all now that not one of you is gonna be fired.
Hey, that was a pep talk.
What's with you? - I, uh, have to go back to the bank.
- How do you like that? I give you job security, and right away you start taking advantage of me.
I was only kidding.
[Ted On TV.]
So, be with us at 11:00 tonight, when our whole WJ M news team will be back.
Gordy Howard with the latest in spor weather.
And yours truly, Ted Baxter.
See you then.
Pretty good show tonight.
Good film, good pace.
Only thing it didn't have was commercials.
Maybe that's why it had good pace.
Right.
Right.
- Good show tonight, Ted.
- [Mumbles.]
Hey, listen.
I've got some ideas for some new features for this show to give it a little pizzazz, huh? Okay, we'll talk about it tomorrow.
If they're gonna fire a guy, why don't they just tell him instead of doing it like this? I'll tell you one thing.
It's not gonna be Mr.
Phelps who tells him.
He'd enjoy it too much.
- Good night, Mary.
- Good night.
Mary, I can't take it anymore.
I know what you're thinking, and I can't take it.
I'm not thinking about you, Ted.
All right.
I did blame Lou for our low ratings.
Maybe I am the main reason he's being fired, but that doesn't mean I don't love him.
It was either him or me.
Can't you understand that? Oh-ho-ho.
Put him down for a physical.
Mr.
Grant, I'd like to talk to you.
What's up? Well, it's a little awkward, but when I was at the bank today I wasn't at the bank.
I was in Mr.
Phelps's office.
- Yeah? - He sent for me.
You don't work for him.
If he's dissatisfied with your work, let him tell me about it.
Mr.
Grant, it's not my work that he's dissatisfied with.
Ohh.
- Then that's what's been bugging you? - Uh, yeah.
- Aren't Aren't you - No, not by a long shot.
- I figured I'd get the ax.
- You did? Uh-huh.
I was worried for a while there that it wasn't gonna be me.
It's probably the best thing that ever happened to me.
- No, you're just saying that to make me feel better.
- Now, look.
When you're in TV, changing jobs is a way of life.
Ten years in one job is too long.
I've been turning down offer after offer for years because I was too lazy to move.
All I have to do is just pick up the phone.
Can I get somebody for you then? Would you mind waiting till they fire me, please? Would you? Okay.
Okay.
Get me Sid Winnick.
Sid Winnick.
Yes, sir.
Is Mr.
Winnick in? Lou Grant's calling.
Thank you.
Mr.
Winnick's on two, Mr.
Grant.
Sid.
About that job you've been pitching at me for eight and a half months is it, now? Well, I'm suddenly available.
Hmm? I'm 45.
What's that got to do with anything? Youth movement? Oh, that's beautiful.
You're 63 years old, and you're having a youth movement.
I'm all in favor of your movement, Sid.
Why don't you fire yourself! Uh, if I'd known I was gonna bomb, I would have shut the door.
- I'm sorry.
- A few months ago, they had to have me, but now That's just one.
You said you had lots of offers.
I did.
They were all from Sid.
All right, look.
Mr.
Phelps isn't the last word around here.
It's Wild Jack Monroe that owns this place.
What about him? I never should have left that old newspaper.
But it was those mergers that was driving me nuts.
I got tired of telling people I worked for the Times-Globe- Herald-.
Journal-Chronicle.
I still should have stayed there.
You know how I got this job? I went into a saloon, got drunk, fell down and met Wild Jack Monroe under a table.
- Where was that? In Hollywood? - No, right here.
Whoever heard of a cowboy from Minnesota? The guy made 300 grade-B Westerns, owns half the world and lives on a ranch right outside Minneapolis.
I think he raises snow.
- Why don't you go see him? - Because I've got nothing to see him about.
That's why.
I'm not exactly a has-been.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Associate producer.
What do you think you're doing? I thought you'd like to talk.
Mary.
You're very nice.
But what I really would like is to be alone.
Okay? Okay.
Forty-five years old.
If I was in politics, they'd call me "the kid.
" [Door Buzzer Buzzing.]
- Hi.
Did you get in touch with Gordy? - Yeah, he's on his way.
- Did you get Ted? - I think so.
I called three or four times.
Every time I mentioned we were planning a strike, he hung up.
Well, the strike is out.
- What? - My union won't let me.
They'll only let me strike for what they want.
My union shop steward can't understand why I want to strike to save the job of someone in management.
Okay, what about a very strong protest? Well, that's one idea.
We'll discuss it when the others get here.
- Like an hors d'oeuvre? - You weren't supposed to serve anything.
- It wasn't any trouble.
- This is supposed to be a strike meeting.
I hate to tell you this, but when the Teamsters have a strike meeting, they only serve cold hors d'oeuvres.
[Door Buzzer Buzzing.]
- Hi, Gordy.
- Hi, Mary.
- I think Ted'll be here in a minute.
- What do you mean, you think? When I was parking my car, I saw him circling the block.
He's probably afraid he's being followed.
Yeah.
You know, Ted doesn't exactly take it too lightly when he thinks someone's gonna speak out against management.
By the way, I can't strike.
- What, you're union too? - Mm-mm.
My wife.
She just told me we're gonna have another baby.
- Oh, Gordy, congratulations.
That's marvelous.
- Thank you.
What are you hoping for, a boy or a girl? We got a girl, so I hope it's a boy.
Hors d'oeuvres, babies This isn't a protest meeting, it's a party.
Thank heavens.
I thought we were having a protest meeting.
Look who dropped in.
Did you get tired of driving around the block? You saw me coming, huh? I wonder if anyone else did.
- Ted! - I mean someone from the other side.
Your other side, not mine.
I'm not taking part in this.
Will you please come in and relax? No one saw you come in.
But we need you.
I never thought I'd say this, but you're the strongest weapon we've got.
Well, we just lost.
I know.
You think I'm afraid to join in with you, don't you? - You bet.
- Well, I'm here, aren't I? And I made a decision to come here and listen to your arguments.
And if they're strong enough, I'll stand with you a hundred percent.
Okay.
All right.
Lou Grant is the best news director our station ever had, and he is about to be fired by a man who knows absolutely nothing about news.
- Right.
- Plus the fact that every one of us in this room owes him so much, we couldn't ever repay him.
Add to that the fact that when some of us thought our jobs were in jeopardy, it was Lou Grant who was the first to put his job on the line for us.
- That's the truth.
- Right on.
I'm afraid you're gonna have to do better than that.
The only way we're gonna get him on our side is to convince him there's more money in this.
I just don't like this strike business.
- We aren't gonna strike, Ted.
- We're not? No.
We're just thinking about presenting Phelps with some kind of petition.
What good is a petition with three names on it? - But we're four.
- No, you're three.
- I vote we throw him out.
- Now, wait a minute, Murray.
Maybe Ted has some ideas on this.
Ted, if you were about to lose your job - I'm not about to lose my job.
- I know, I know, I know.
But if you were, what would you do? You mean, if Phelps were about to fire me? Hmm.
I'd see the man who owns the station Wild Jack Monroe.
You know, that's not a bad idea.
Maybe Lou should go see him.
- No, Mr.
Grant would never beg.
- That's exactly what I mean.
How can you help a man who refuses to beg? What if all of us went to see him? Are you kidding? With a name like that, he must really be a weirdo.
Murray, all cowboys have names like that.
Uh-uh.
He was just Jack Monroe in the movies.
He got the "wild" just for being himself.
Look, Mary.
I think a girl should go see him.
- Why? - Because the guys don't wanna.
All right.
Okay.
I will go see Wild Jack Monroe.
- Terrific.
- I'm glad that's cleared up.
- Gordy, how weird is he? - He is weird.
Yahoo! Wahoo! Hot dang, I got one there.
Hey, and another one bit the dust.
- Mr.
Monroe, uh, Mr.
Monroe, - Heigh-ho, Fred! I came to see you about Lou Grant.
- Lou Grant? - He said that you personally hired him.
To be the news director at WJ M.
Oh, yeah.
My station here in town.
Mr.
Phelps is gonna fire him.
Oh, Slim Phelps, my new station manager.
- He's gonna fire him, huh? - Yes, sir.
Is he one of them radicals? Mr.
Grant? No.
I'm always kidding him about being too conservative.
Young lady, there ain't no such a-thing as being too conservative.
You know, I said I was kidding.
You know, that's one thing: You can't be too careful these days.
What with them longhaired hippies a-running around with them wild clothes on, why, I can't Oh, I'm okay.
I'm a cowboy.
I think I need a shot of who-hit-John.
So So they're firing him, huh? How old is this here, uh, Grant feller? He's 45.
Amazing.
Forty-five.
You know, it was on my 45th birthday that the studio called me in and told me I was through.
That's when I found out.
You know that building they fired me in? - I owned it! - You didn't know that? No.
You see, I had this here accountant feller.
And unbeknownst to me, he'd been investing my money for me.
You name it, I owned it lock, stock and barrel, thanks to good old Slim Schwartz.
That would be your accountant.
Yeah.
And I thought I was washed up.
And you weren't, and neither is Lou Grant.
That's why I came to see you.
I make it a point not to butt in to the way my businesses is handled, but let me just kind of twist it around in my mind a while.
- I'll be a-getting back to you, Miss - Richards.
- I'll be a-seeing you, Slim.
- Okay.
Yee-hoo! Ah-hoo! Wahoo! - Mr.
Grant? - Finally got it.
Want to know something? Those pink slips you get? They really are pink.
Red that's what pink slips should be.
Or black.
You fire a ballerina with a pink slip, not a newsman.
- But Mr.
Grant - Don't talk.
You start talking, pretty soon you'll be trying to organize a farewell party with punch and cupcakes.
And everybody will chip in and buy me a shaving kit for a going-away present.
There'll be a secretary there who'll come over to me and do this [Whimpering.]
- Not for me.
- Mr.
Grant, what I'm trying to tell you is you might not have to leave.
I went to see Wild Jack Monroe.
I do not remember asking you for any help.
Here's the last order I can give you, Mary Lay off.
- I don't want to lay off.
- Lay off.
Lou? I just wanted to give you this little token of my - It's a shaving kit.
- Thanks.
[Whimpering.]
Oh, yeah.
I'm getting out of here.
Which one's Lou Grant? - I'm Lou Grant.
What about it? - I want to talk to you in private.
- Okay.
Let's go in my office.
- No! When Wild Jack Monroe talks private, he don't go, they go.
Hey, you, Slim.
You're doing a great job with that sports news.
Keep it up.
- But I don't do - I said keep it up.
Don't worry.
We'll get a hundred Indians and come back.
Not you, little lady.
Didn't you and me have a hoop-de-do one time or other? You could call it that.
I lost four teeth myself.
Hot dang! That was the best dang fight I ever had.
Hey.
The little lady tells me you're getting fired.
Little lady's got a big mouth.
Watch that, boy.
That's a woman.
Yeah, but it's a woman with a big mouth.
See, what Mr.
Grant means is Hey, I do not need an interpreter.
And I don't need any favors from you.
I don't want this job.
- I'll work someplace else.
- I got a TV station in Boise, Idaho.
- Keep talking.
- You got the job.
- Hey.
- "Hey" what? - I got a shaving kit and a job in Boise, Idaho.
- Yahoo! [Whooping.]
I sure outfoxed you that time.
I already got me a TV news director in Boise, Idaho.
So I'll have to transfer you to in there.
[Laughing.]
Hey! Come on out to the ranch house sometime; we'll open up a keg of nails.
Welcome back.
I suppose you feel like Mary Poppins or something.
Well, no, actually.
I'm a little disappointed.
I thought I was next in line for your job.
What kind of a going-away card is this? "To Lou from Ted.
Forgive me, but I'm weak.
" - Well, uh, that could mean a million things.
- Could mean he's weak.
How do you go about giving back a shaving kit? I don't know.
I've never had one as a gift.
I never have either.
I think I'll keep this one.
[Squawking.]
Sometimes I don't know whether I'm working or hallucinating.
Yeah, Big Chicken's back.
It turns out that Big Chicken is Wild Jack Monroe's favorite show.
[Mews.]