Batman s01e25 Episode Script
The Cape and Cowl Conspiracy
"Where tracks and golf balls roll and wind.
Round colored banners of all kind.
Here, new instructions you will find.
" You've come to the right place, Mr.
McWhirter.
You won't be able to find me.
Just follow the sound of my voice.
Who the devil are you? Well, for a diplomatic courier, you're not very diplomatic, are you? If you're my contact, what's the countersign? Patience, patience.
All your questions will be answered, if you'll simply follow the running lights.
Okay, I'm here.
Now what? Now then, about that collection of bearer bonds you're supposed to transport if you'll just tell me where I can find them you might get out of here alive.
All right! All right, I'll tell you! Good call.
Now, hurry up.
I hate it when people talk with their mouth full.
All we know is this: Last night, the International Relief Consortium was supposed to receive a delivery from a courier.
This guy.
Name's McWhirter.
He's lucky to be alive.
He was supposed to pick up and deliver a donation a diplomatic pouch containing $ 750,000 in bearer bonds earmarked for humanitarian aid To starving refugees in Eastern Europe.
Yeah, I know.
Only McWhirter never showed up.
Somebody else got to the bonds before he did.
And now they're missing.
The same somebody who lured him into that quicksand trap you mentioned? You know who that sounds like, don't you? Wormwood.
The Interrogator.
The guy who specializes in using deathtraps to pry information out of his victims? Terrific.
Look up "slippery" in the dictionary, and you get Josiah Wormwood.
Well, I guess if anyone can pin something on him and make it stick, you can.
Maybe.
Right now, though, we're not even sure he's in town.
But I think I know which one of Wormwood's associates might be able to give me that information.
Oh, yeah, I remember this clown.
Nothing but a two-bit con man.
But a continental type, a real smoothie the kind who'll do anything for a free meal.
Calls himself "The Baron.
" Ladies and gentlemen, our guest speaker this evening Baron Waclaw Jozek.
Madam President, honored guests this is a rare pleasure for me.
Unaccustomed as I am to being sought after Whoa! Oh, no! Oh, no.
No! How dare you manhandle me.
I want information from you.
By the way, I hope you're not afraid of heights.
That's all you have on your friend, Wormwood? I've told you all I know.
What more do you want? Let me down.
Just one more thing, Baron.
I suggest that for your health you take a vacation, somewhere far away from Gotham City.
Come in.
This had better be important, Waclaw.
It is, to me.
I want the Batman's cape and cowl.
And I want you to get them for me.
Humble the legendary Batman? I must admit, it is an intriguing challenge.
But I'm afraid I can't contain my curiosity.
I must know, what do you want them for? I will be glad to tell you that, dear Wormwood if you'll tell me how you got those bearer bonds away from the International Relief Consortium.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Have it your way.
In that case, I will say only that you will be very well paid to do as I request without further questions.
All right, I'll get you the Batman's cape and cowl.
That won't be difficult.
He is only human, after all.
Got a new toy, I see.
I figure it might come in handy.
- It might get you in trouble with the mayor.
- Let me worry about the mayor.
Here, have a look at this.
"Where iron horses go to rot and children toot their horns a lot.
A damsel's pleas shall come to naught.
" Do you know what it means? Don't you? Looking for someone, Batman? Sorry, you won't find me in there.
However, you will find a trap! Now then, you have approximately one minute to save that young woman.
But I'll remove her from jeopardy if you simply surrender your cape and cowl.
You can push it through the opening at the base of the engine door.
Thirty seconds left, Batman.
Fifteen seconds.
Help! Please, help! One second left.
A hologram? Do you have the items? No.
The first apparatus The trap at the old railway exhibit? Yes.
He beat it.
So there will have to be others? Only one.
And this time, I shall put the man himself in jeopardy.
I have a facility at De Larues Wax Museum that will serve our purposes nicely.
Just see that you succeed.
Oh, I will.
And once you have what you want, you must tell me why Well! "Where Washington and young Babe Ruth stand side by side with John Wilkes Booth Batman will find a plan uncouth.
" Well, what do you think this one means? Those famous figures standing around together? - De Larues Wax Museum, what else? - Oh, of course.
Over here, Batman.
That's it.
Come right in.
Now, if I might call your attention to the panel sliding open along the ceiling.
It's uncovering a 20,000-watt halogen bulb.
I don't actually know how hot 20,000 watts make a room but I do know that it melts wax.
And eventually, it will melt you.
Of course, you can save yourself simply by giving me your cape and cowl.
After all, it looks like your weapons are covered with wax.
No hurry.
I'll wait.
Oh, very inventive.
Do you suppose it will work? Congratulations.
But don't breathe too deeply, Batman.
It seems that when you shattered the lamp you triggered the release of a toxic nerve gas from a tank in the ceiling.
Now, your cape and cowl, please.
All right.
All right.
Turn off the gas.
You win.
Nothing like a breath of fresh air, eh, Batman? And now, your cape and cowl, please.
Satisfied? Actually, no.
I wonder if you would put those down neatly over here, by the light.
A second mask? Not as confident as we'd seem then, are we? Well, keep your silly identity.
These are all I require.
Stop stalling, Jozek.
I've got the goods.
Have you got my certified check? I have indeed.
But first, let us drink to our success.
On one condition.
Will you tell me why you wanted Batman's cape and cowl, finally? But you know my condition.
You must tell me your secret.
Then I will tell you mine.
What did you do with those bonds? And who commissioned their theft? If you really want to know, an agent of the Quirian Emirates will get the bonds from a locker at Pan-Europa Airways tomorrow when I meet him there to give him this key.
Now, what will you do with the cape and cowl? I am going to wear them.
You're not Jozek? You were playing Playing me for a fool.
From the day you first walked in here.
It was you I was dealing with all along.
Give me the key.
If you really want to know, an agent of the Quirian Emirates The bugs in the room picked up the whole story on tape.
- at Pan-Europa Airways tomorrow.
- Thank you, commissioner.
- Thank you.
And thank Jozek for the use of the hall, if he ever returns from Europe.
When we collared the Quirian agent at the airport, he sang like a bird.
And he fingered you as the guy who was gonna sell him the bonds.
Oh, I almost forgot.
This came for you.
"Confinement will speed your reform.
But long, cold nights will be the norm.
So here's a thing to keep you warm.
" Well.
Round colored banners of all kind.
Here, new instructions you will find.
" You've come to the right place, Mr.
McWhirter.
You won't be able to find me.
Just follow the sound of my voice.
Who the devil are you? Well, for a diplomatic courier, you're not very diplomatic, are you? If you're my contact, what's the countersign? Patience, patience.
All your questions will be answered, if you'll simply follow the running lights.
Okay, I'm here.
Now what? Now then, about that collection of bearer bonds you're supposed to transport if you'll just tell me where I can find them you might get out of here alive.
All right! All right, I'll tell you! Good call.
Now, hurry up.
I hate it when people talk with their mouth full.
All we know is this: Last night, the International Relief Consortium was supposed to receive a delivery from a courier.
This guy.
Name's McWhirter.
He's lucky to be alive.
He was supposed to pick up and deliver a donation a diplomatic pouch containing $ 750,000 in bearer bonds earmarked for humanitarian aid To starving refugees in Eastern Europe.
Yeah, I know.
Only McWhirter never showed up.
Somebody else got to the bonds before he did.
And now they're missing.
The same somebody who lured him into that quicksand trap you mentioned? You know who that sounds like, don't you? Wormwood.
The Interrogator.
The guy who specializes in using deathtraps to pry information out of his victims? Terrific.
Look up "slippery" in the dictionary, and you get Josiah Wormwood.
Well, I guess if anyone can pin something on him and make it stick, you can.
Maybe.
Right now, though, we're not even sure he's in town.
But I think I know which one of Wormwood's associates might be able to give me that information.
Oh, yeah, I remember this clown.
Nothing but a two-bit con man.
But a continental type, a real smoothie the kind who'll do anything for a free meal.
Calls himself "The Baron.
" Ladies and gentlemen, our guest speaker this evening Baron Waclaw Jozek.
Madam President, honored guests this is a rare pleasure for me.
Unaccustomed as I am to being sought after Whoa! Oh, no! Oh, no.
No! How dare you manhandle me.
I want information from you.
By the way, I hope you're not afraid of heights.
That's all you have on your friend, Wormwood? I've told you all I know.
What more do you want? Let me down.
Just one more thing, Baron.
I suggest that for your health you take a vacation, somewhere far away from Gotham City.
Come in.
This had better be important, Waclaw.
It is, to me.
I want the Batman's cape and cowl.
And I want you to get them for me.
Humble the legendary Batman? I must admit, it is an intriguing challenge.
But I'm afraid I can't contain my curiosity.
I must know, what do you want them for? I will be glad to tell you that, dear Wormwood if you'll tell me how you got those bearer bonds away from the International Relief Consortium.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Have it your way.
In that case, I will say only that you will be very well paid to do as I request without further questions.
All right, I'll get you the Batman's cape and cowl.
That won't be difficult.
He is only human, after all.
Got a new toy, I see.
I figure it might come in handy.
- It might get you in trouble with the mayor.
- Let me worry about the mayor.
Here, have a look at this.
"Where iron horses go to rot and children toot their horns a lot.
A damsel's pleas shall come to naught.
" Do you know what it means? Don't you? Looking for someone, Batman? Sorry, you won't find me in there.
However, you will find a trap! Now then, you have approximately one minute to save that young woman.
But I'll remove her from jeopardy if you simply surrender your cape and cowl.
You can push it through the opening at the base of the engine door.
Thirty seconds left, Batman.
Fifteen seconds.
Help! Please, help! One second left.
A hologram? Do you have the items? No.
The first apparatus The trap at the old railway exhibit? Yes.
He beat it.
So there will have to be others? Only one.
And this time, I shall put the man himself in jeopardy.
I have a facility at De Larues Wax Museum that will serve our purposes nicely.
Just see that you succeed.
Oh, I will.
And once you have what you want, you must tell me why Well! "Where Washington and young Babe Ruth stand side by side with John Wilkes Booth Batman will find a plan uncouth.
" Well, what do you think this one means? Those famous figures standing around together? - De Larues Wax Museum, what else? - Oh, of course.
Over here, Batman.
That's it.
Come right in.
Now, if I might call your attention to the panel sliding open along the ceiling.
It's uncovering a 20,000-watt halogen bulb.
I don't actually know how hot 20,000 watts make a room but I do know that it melts wax.
And eventually, it will melt you.
Of course, you can save yourself simply by giving me your cape and cowl.
After all, it looks like your weapons are covered with wax.
No hurry.
I'll wait.
Oh, very inventive.
Do you suppose it will work? Congratulations.
But don't breathe too deeply, Batman.
It seems that when you shattered the lamp you triggered the release of a toxic nerve gas from a tank in the ceiling.
Now, your cape and cowl, please.
All right.
All right.
Turn off the gas.
You win.
Nothing like a breath of fresh air, eh, Batman? And now, your cape and cowl, please.
Satisfied? Actually, no.
I wonder if you would put those down neatly over here, by the light.
A second mask? Not as confident as we'd seem then, are we? Well, keep your silly identity.
These are all I require.
Stop stalling, Jozek.
I've got the goods.
Have you got my certified check? I have indeed.
But first, let us drink to our success.
On one condition.
Will you tell me why you wanted Batman's cape and cowl, finally? But you know my condition.
You must tell me your secret.
Then I will tell you mine.
What did you do with those bonds? And who commissioned their theft? If you really want to know, an agent of the Quirian Emirates will get the bonds from a locker at Pan-Europa Airways tomorrow when I meet him there to give him this key.
Now, what will you do with the cape and cowl? I am going to wear them.
You're not Jozek? You were playing Playing me for a fool.
From the day you first walked in here.
It was you I was dealing with all along.
Give me the key.
If you really want to know, an agent of the Quirian Emirates The bugs in the room picked up the whole story on tape.
- at Pan-Europa Airways tomorrow.
- Thank you, commissioner.
- Thank you.
And thank Jozek for the use of the hall, if he ever returns from Europe.
When we collared the Quirian agent at the airport, he sang like a bird.
And he fingered you as the guy who was gonna sell him the bonds.
Oh, I almost forgot.
This came for you.
"Confinement will speed your reform.
But long, cold nights will be the norm.
So here's a thing to keep you warm.
" Well.