Bewitched (1964) s01e25 Episode Script

- Darrin - I can't stop now, honey, I'm late.
- But, sweetheart - Martins is due at 9:00.
After that I got the Phillips meeting.
- But, Darrin - Friday's always a frantic day.
It isn't Friday.
It's Saturday.
You can sleep as late as you like.
Oh, boy.
Must've set it by mistake.
Oh, good morning.
Good morning.
- And it's such a lovely one, isn't it? - Lovely.
My, aren't I fortunate to have such a handsome man for a next-door neighbour.
See anything interesting? Interesting? Oh, I don't know if "interesting" is the right word.
I'd certainly call her attractive.
Wouldn't you? You might even say that she was beautiful.
I mean, for that type of girl.
I mean, she can't help being stunning, can she? I mean, in that outfit.
With that long hair down her back.
I was talking about the newspaper.
I'll get it, sweetheart.
Hello.
Oh, good morning, Marty.
Ten-thirty at the club, can I make it? - You can make it.
- I can make it if I hang up right now.
You don't mind? We'll only play 18.
Besides, two of the foursome, Hyler and McNeal could mean new business for the agency.
Never need explain to an adoring golf widow.
Besides, I've got closets to clean and that new neighbour to spy on.
Can't let Gladys Kravitz have all the fun.
Gladys, will you stay away from that window.
All right, so she's a Beautiful girl.
Wow, as the saying goes.
But why isn't her husband helping her? Where is he? She doesn't look like our kind of people.
She looks like my kind of people.
Thanks, pal.
Kind of knocked the wind out of me.
Oh, aren't you nice.
Thanks ever so much, Mr Good Samaritan.
Stephens, Darrin.
Welcome to Morning Glory Circle.
- I'll give you a hand.
- Thanks.
Okay, there we go.
Alrighty.
Gee, look at all them trophies and medals and stuff.
She's a real winner.
"First prize for the most beautiful lips in Sheboygan presented to" Well, I'm terribly sorry I was so clumsy, Mrs? Unfortunately, it's still Miss.
Miss Pleasure O'Riley.
Naturally, my real name, Priscilla, is so much more dignified.
But it all started when I was a baby.
I'd try to say Priscilla, but it would come out Pleasure.
Well, how do you like that? So natch, Mummy and Daddy hung it on to me as a nickname.
And it sort of stuck, you know.
For some crazy reason photographers and all these beauty-contest people seemed to prefer to call me Pleasure.
Men especially.
Why fight it? So now I use it as my pen name, you know.
Great for publicity, natch.
Natch.
Well, you know something, Mr.
Stephens? My manager has insured every single part of me.
Isn't that wild? Excuse me.
Darrin, darling, you have exactly Assuming you're willing to tee off in your bathrobe.
Oh, boy.
Sam, I'd like you to meet our new neighbour, Pleasure O'Riley.
Pleasure O'Riley? All the women react the same way, but I don't mind.
Hi there, Mrs.
Stephens.
Be careful of my legs.
Your husband has been a living doll, a pillar of strength.
I'll bet he has.
Eagle Scout, you know.
You should see him sometimes helping little old ladies across the street.
Here's my new love seat.
No one to share it with me.
Miss O'Riley, I would think a beauty queen like you would have dozens of hopelessly smitten suitors flinging themselves at your feet and your throne.
Well, naturally, I've been engaged a few times.
I guess about 16.
And none of them was Mr.
Right? That may seem like a lot, but six of the engagements were to the same fellow.
Thor Swenson.
Not Thor "Thunderbolt" Swenson of the Pennsylvania Manglers, lady? - The great offensive fullback? - The very offensive fullback.
Now, you remember what you faithfully promised.
Not to tell absolutely no one your new address here.
- Not even Thor Swenson? - Particularly Thor Swenson.
Don't you think you're being a little bit hard on that poor boy after being engaged to him six times? You wouldn't say that, Mrs.
Stephens if this insanely jealous, rotten, awful, terrible-tempered person just very recently threatened to kill you.
He did? If he ever catches me alone with another man again: So naturally, all my boyfriends are scared to death.
He belted poor Roger and Curtis before they even opened their mouths.
Oh, boy, oh, boy, Mrs.
Stephens, are you ever lucky to have such a sweet-tempered dream of a man for a hubby like Darrin.
Hold on to him.
I intend to.
Hey, how about that.
My favourite flowers.
My favourite vintage, Liebfraumilch '53, the best year.
- You expecting someone special? - Yes, you.
What's this all about? It's all about the fact that I suddenly remembered I love you very much and that this is the best year too.
Now, you tend to your business.
Open the Liebfraumilch and light the candles.
Hey, my favourite.
Turkey soup with extra-wide noodles.
How about that? You advertising men.
You have such a way with a fresh phrase.
You're right, this is the best year.
You want this vintage love of mine or your hot turkey soup? That is a tough choice to make.
What was that? Sounded like a sonic boom.
Must be Pleasure O'Riley.
She's been dropping things like that all day.
It sounds to me like she's accident-prone.
It sounded to me like she could've fallen off of something.
Well, I wouldn't worry unduly, Darrin in view of the fact that all her parts are heavily insured.
She stands to make a fortune if she's broken anything.
Now, what kind of a crack is that, Sam? That doesn't sound like you at all.
It doesn't? How about that? She could be lying there unconscious.
How could you tell? But if it's going to worry you all through dinner you'd better run next door and check, hadn't you? Abner.
Abner, come here quick.
Maybe he just wants to borrow a cup of sugar or a slice of cheesecake.
Miss O'Riley.
Miss O'Riley.
Miss O'Riley? Miss O'Riley.
Oh, hi, Darrin.
Don't try to talk, just lie there.
What's the name of your doctor? Paul Pinkus.
Do you need a doctor? Just relax.
Don't move.
I think you're all right.
Just knocked the wind out of you, that's all.
- I don't want you to move.
- You don't? Well, in case you broke anything.
- Only my lips, darn it.
- Your lips? They rolled somewhere here under the couch when I fell off the ladder.
My statuette from Sheboygan.
- Well, how do you feel now? - Fine.
- How do you feel? - Fine.
Oh, hi there, Mrs.
Stephens.
She fell off the ladder.
When I got here, I thought she was unconscious.
Actually, I never lost consciousness, Mrs.
Stephens.
But it was awfully sweet of your husband.
He's such a thoughtful man.
I think it happened accidentally when she was looking for her bust.
The one of her lips.
Well, look here.
All in one piece.
- How about that? - Gee, how lucky can a girl get? I mean, to have such wonderful, wonderful neighbours like you two next door to me to call on in case of an emergency.
Thanks ever so, Darrin.
And you too, Mrs.
Stephens.
Boy, is that a relief.
For a minute, she looked completely unconscious.
So did you.
Come on, you could never be jealous of a girl like Pleasure O'Riley, could you? I suppose.
If I tried.
Now, how would you like to wrap the most beautiful lips in advertising around some of those extra-wide noodles? Mr.
Stephens.
Hey, Mr.
Stephens.
Darrin, are you awake? Darrin.
Mr.
Stephens.
Mr.
Stephens.
Hey, Mr.
Stephens.
Darrin.
Are you awake? Darrin.
Hey, Mr.
Stephens.
Samantha, what's going on? The cheesecake queen wants to know if you can come out and play with her.
Pleasure? I mean, Miss O'Riley? Why? - Darrin.
- Ask her.
She's paging you, not me.
Mr.
Stephens.
Hey, Mr.
Stephens.
Are you awake? Should I get out your silk pyjamas, sir? This looks like it's going to be a formal affair.
Good evening, Miss O'Riley.
Did you lock yourself out or something? Oh, Darrin, thank goodness.
I hope I'm not disturbing you but I'm so frightened.
Of what? The moving man told me the terrible news.
Thor Swenson made him tell him where I live.
Thor "Thunderbolt" Swenson, the Manglers' offensive fullback? - Who else? - Maybe one of the other 10 boys you've been engaged to.
- Oh, no, Mrs.
Stephens.
Thunderbolt's the only one who cared enough to wanna come back and murder me.
Why would anyone want to murder you? Because I won't go back to him.
I'll never go back to that big, insanely jealous brute because I hate him.
Darrin, I don't know what to do now.
I'm so frightened.
In that case, you better call the police.
I was going to, but my new telephone won't be installed until tomorrow.
I'm so scared.
We'll call from here.
I'll be right down.
We'll both be right down.
Abner.
Abner, come here.
Gladys, what can be so fascinating? Take it easy.
Everything's going to be all right.
You can't trust anybody anymore.
I should've moved myself but all those things were so heavy.
I know.
Your gold cups alone weigh a ton.
- You think he'll come looking for you? - I'm sure of it.
The moving man said he didn't give him the exact address.
But if I know Thunderbolt, he'll find me.
He always does.
Now, you just calm down.
Go home and lock your doors and windows while I call the police.
I'll see that she's locked in.
You better tell the law to hurry.
Hello? I'm calling to prevent a murder.
I'm at 1123 Morning Glory Circle.
All right, all right, mister.
I've got the address.
- What's the name? - Name? Oh, Pleasure O'Riley.
Pleasure O'Riley? Well, actually, that's a professional model's name.
The real name is Miss Priscilla O'Riley.
- Your name? - No, my name is Darrin Stephens.
I'm her next-door neighbour.
She's the one in trouble.
Why isn't she making this call herself? Because she just moved in today, she hasn't got a phone yet.
Could you send an officer over to investigate? What? What's the trouble? Look, Mr.
O'Riley, if you've been drinking Stephens.
As I told you at the beginning of this conversation this is an emergency.
Miss O'Riley could be in danger.
An ex-boyfriend has been making threats.
He's on his way over now.
Will you please send somebody? We'll check it out as soon as we can.
What's his name? Thunderbolt Swenson.
Thunderbolt Swenson? I'll send somebody over right away.
If you see him before we get there would you ask him for an autograph for my kids? He's here.
He's here.
That's the new car he got when he signed his new five-year contract.
Where are those policemen? Oh, please don't let him in.
Here.
Hide all my trophies and take down that picture of me so Thunderbolt won't know I'm here.
Mrs.
Stephens, what shall we do? You shall get down off that ladder, and you will go in here and you shall be real quiet until I get rid of him.
But how? By magic or something? Yes? Sorry, lady.
I guess I got the wrong house.
It appears you did.
Good night.
Wait, he said it was the first house on the right.
Does a beautiful girl live next door? - You might say that.
- The most beautiful girl in the world? I wouldn't go that far.
- Have you seen a man over there? - Yes, indeed.
A very good-Iooking one.
I'll kill him.
Okay, lady Excuse me, grandma.
Grandma? Who do you think you're talking to? Maybe I'm mixed up, but doesn't Pleasure O'Riley live here? - Who wants to know? - They said the first house on the right as you turn into the street, that's next door.
Did it occur to you it might be on the left if you were coming from the opposite direction? Yeah.
I didn't think about that.
Next time, get your directions straight before you wake people up at night.
- I'm sorry.
- You ought to be, you big bully.
Grandma? - Samantha.
- I'm here, darling.
- Oh, my.
- Is this your idea of a joke? Sorry, darling, but you do look sweet.
Another Whistler's Mother.
Never mind that.
Do something now! Oh, all right, all right.
Don't get cranky.
Samantha, what am I gonna do with you? I'm sorry, darling.
But I did it for your own good.
Besides, you make an adorable grandma.
Abner, Abner.
What could that noise be at this time of night? There's only one way to find out.
- What is it? - I've only got one question for you.
- Do you have Pleasure in this house? - Not too often, but occasionally.
Gladys Kravitz, "passion's plaything.
" How about that? Morning Glory Circle will never be the same.
- Hi, Darrin.
- Hi.
Oh, hi, Mrs.
Stephens.
Gee, I hope I'm not disturbing you.
No, not at all.
We were beginning to wonder where you were.
In that awful police court, although the judge couldn't have been sweeter.
- I must admit, I cried a little.
- Well, that must've helped.
- So did that outfit.
- Oh, do you like it? I'm so glad, Mrs.
Stephens.
Oh, and, Darrin, hurray, hurray, our worries with Thunderbolt are all over.
My lawyer just got a court order.
So now he's gotta stay away from me.
But don't you still have And, Darrin, my insurance company's gonna pay for poor Mr.
Kravitz's new bridgework.
And, Darrin, you wanna hear something wild? So many newspaper photographers took pictures of me when I was on the stand that guess what.
I give up.
The mayor called me personally to offer me a contract to be Miss Urban Renewal.
Which reminds me, I've gotta get measured for my new civic-centre bikini.
Boy, I can't tell you two how much I appreciate last night.
Darrin, how can I ever repay you? You don't owe him a thing.
- Who's that? - Thunderbolt.
Who else? - Then he's back? - He's driving me to the mayor's office.
He goes everywhere with me.
Would you believe something.
He's so unreasonable he doesn't even trust our mayor.
- I know our mayor.
There's nothing unreasonable about that.
Boy, you sure look a lot like your grandma.
I don't think so.
- You ready, Pleasure? - Ready.
Well, goodbye, everybody.
And thanks ever so, Darrin.
You too, Mrs.
Stephens.