Big Nate (2022) s01e25 Episode Script

1
- [groans]
- Hey, guys.
It's been an eventful
month at school,
and your buddy Nate's been
right in the middle of it.
[screaming]
narrator: Sometime earlier.
- Inside this crate is a colony
of exceedingly rare
vampire bats.
All: Ooh!
- They are asleep at the moment
and only wake
from their slumber
when they smell turkey bacon.
Now, be careful not to
[smack]
Bats!
Help! [screaming]
- [screams]
- I was once a sad little boy.
[shouts]
[thuds]
[shouts]
But I was "desteened"
for the theater!
So I packed my duffel bag with
[device beeps]
Bats!
Oh, the horror!
[all screaming]
[upbeat rock music]
[screaming continues]
- So yeah, the detentions
have been piling up.
[shouts]
- [growls]
[upbeat music]
- Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught,
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies ♪
Just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- Well, Mrs. Godfrey
and Mr. Galvin
averted major injury,
but Dr. LaGaze wasn't as lucky.
He's in the hospital
in a self-induced coma,
requested for dramatic effect.
- So, like, not
because of the bats?
- Nate, you now set
the school record
for most detentions
in one month.
I have no choice but to put
the teachers on
Nate Watch.
- [gasps]
- And it's time to rethink
your purpose in life, son.
You can contemplate it
during after-school detention
every day this week.
You can start by cleaning
the old encyclopedias
in the library.
[mug shatters]
[thump]
- He's in a meeting, Dee Dee!
- You're canceling
the spring musical?
You can't do that.
- I'm sorry, Dee Dee.
But without a director,
there can be no play.
- But then I'll do it.
No rule against kids
directing the play, is there?
- Well, I suppose not.
But I can't pay you.
- Never fear.
Saving the spring musical
is payment enough!
- Great. You're hired.
Now get out of here, you two.
- Yes!
I get to step in as a director!
And it's gonna be great,
especially with you
by my side as producer.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Producer?
Since when did I become
part of this thing?
- [chuckles]
When you put our
former director in a coma.
- Uh-uh-uh. Correction,
he put himself in a coma.
- Whatever. The point is,
I need a make-
impossible-stuff-happen type
to help me, you know,
make impossible stuff happen.
And that means you!
- Nate, get your
butt to detention!
[slamming]
[rock music riff]
- [coughs] [groans]
[sneezes] Hmm?
Whoa, an old PS 38 yearbook.
I wonder if there's, like,
a treasure map in here.
Whoa!
No wonder all my teachers
are so miserable.
They had dreams once,
aspirations
[gasps] And hair!
[bell dings]
Oh, you hear that idea bell?
I've got a plan cooking,
and it's gonna taste
Dee Dee-licious.
[click]
- Cast the teachers in the play?
- With all the teachers
focusing on the play,
they'll finally get off my back,
and Nate Watch will be
out of business for good!
Just look, Dee Dee.
Look at Mr. Galvin here dressed
as this cute little
broccoli floret.
- [sighs] You mean as Peter Pan?
- Yes! See?
They've got experience.
- Look, I'm here to help
you get out of detention,
but I'm really not sold
on the plan.
- Dee Dee, my sweet,
sweet darling friend,
have I ever let you down?
- Nate.
[chomping]
Nate!
[barking]
Nate!
[bike bell rings]
- OK, yeah. I meant, like,
I don't know, recently.
And it can't be worse than
what you've got
going on here, can it?
Both: [off-key]
1774, Xoclania, castle ♪
It's cold ♪
- Ah, come on, Deed.
These are the kinds of stories
that make headlines.
- Pathetic group
of teachers shine
in musical written by
genius kid theater director.
- Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
[chime]
OK, move along. Hit the bricks.
You didn't get the part.
Try again next year.
- Oh, man.
- I'm sad.
- Do, re, mi, fa,
so, la, ti, ti, toe, tah ♪
- Oh, God, this is terrible!
- [chuckles]
It's just first-day jitters
is all.
[teachers singing off-key]
- You say jitters.
I say lack of talent.
- Tee-dah ♪
[smack]
- Do, la, la, la, la, la ♪
Shling, shling,
shling, shling ♪
Shling, shling, shling,
shling, shling ♪
- With your experience,
we can change them
into the actors
they were meant to be,
even if they are
a bunch of old farts.
- Ooh!
[coughs]
[pop]
[rattling]
- If this doesn't work,
two words for you, pal
Nate Watch.
- Huh?
- Welcome, one and all!
Earlier today,
you were merely teachers.
But today, you are actors!
[applause]
"O Garlic, My Garlic"
is not just an ensemble musical
about vampire romance
from the POV of the garlic.
It is a celebration of life!
[upbeat music]
OK, you've now
formed our castle.
Now be the castle.
- [whimpers]
I can't stay in this position.
I've got an itch!
[shouts] Ahh!
- Don't scratch again!
Without its support beams,
our Xoclanian castle
will come crumbling down.
- It itches. It itches!
[shouting]
[all grunting, groaning]
[moans]
- OK, let's try something else.
Flap your wings!
Flap your wings!
- Log, log. We're logs.
[crunch, scream]
- Then was I as a tree.
- Surprise trust fall!
- [shouts] [clattering]
- Cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger.
[applause]
- Thank you, Coach John.
OK, Miss Godfrey, you're up!
I want you to think about
your favorite animal.
Now act like that animal.
- Oh, OK.
Hello, owner.
It is me, your cat.
We speak different languages.
[meow]
Therefore, I must
communicate with you
by pooping in your shoes
and clawing the furniture.
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow!
[groans]
- People, our lead vampire
is desperately in love
with Miss Demetria,
a Xoclanian garlic clove,
and our audience has to feeeel
that forbidden romance.
Observe.
[flute playing]
Hoo, ha, hoo, ha.
Bats, bats, bats!
[applause]
One has to get into the mind
of a bat to become the bat.
I call it Dee Dee battactics.
- Hoo, ha,
bats, bats, bats ♪
- Now, who's up next?
Both: Hoo, ha, hoo, ha,
bats, bats, bats ♪
- Yes, yes! Louder!
Release your inhibitions!
- [howling]
[all howling]
- Now you're getting it!
Kind of.
That's a wrap, gang.
Great work this week.
Roles will be posted Monday
morning before first bell.
- For a second there,
I really thought I had sonar.
- Ah, we may be able
to make this work.
- Phew.
That means getting
out of Nate Watch
Music to my ears.
[school bell ringing]
- Oh.
- Oh.
[murmuring]
- I am a role of bat.
Booyah, as children
say and then do
- Principal coming
through, folks. Ahh!
Got to see what part I got.
[chuckles]
The dastardly sous chef?
But I'm the principal!
Shouldn't I be the lead?
- Up top, Wesley!
I'm the jealous housemaid.
We're colleagues!
Hey, yo!
- Don't patronize me, Ken.
I don't need your pity.
[sobs] I don't need anything.
Don't look at me!
- Fontaine, you got the lead!
- Uh, I did?
So I'll be Jorin,
the pasty yet handsome vampire
who dreams of love and has
a knack for home renovations?
- We got a bunch
of scenes together,
Fontainey, for I will be
Miss Demetria,
once a brave Byzantine duchess,
now cursed as a clove of garlic.
- Uh-oh, Clara.
You and Jorin have
to kissy on stagey.
- Ooh!
All: [chuckling]
[making kissing sounds]
- I don't know about kissing.
Uh
[electricity crackles]
- [gasps]
both: [shy chuckling]
- Galvin is the lead?
That should be my part!
That fossilized scarecrow
would probably break a hip
on his first kickball change.
[shoes tapping]
- Check it outskies!
We got Amy to be
our music director.
She's from New York.
[chattering]
- I went to New York once.
I bought some cheese.
- Amy, want to take us
through some vocal warm-ups,
Broadway style?
- Oh, yeah.
We didn't move to this
little town for nothing.
We actually moved
here for my mom's job.
- Let's get ready to musical!
Hit it!
[King Kobra's
"Iron Eagle [Never Say Die]"]
♪
- I can do anything
when I choose ♪
- [groans]
- Got everything,
but I got nothing to lose ♪
Go anywhere
from haven to hell ♪
I might find the devil ♪
You can never tell ♪
There's a thousand hills
and valleys ♪
A million dams and streams ♪
An ocean of eternity ♪
Between my hopes
and dreams ♪
- Never say die ♪
- Much to do and little time,
people.
The show is this weekend!
Oh, where's Galvin, Godfrey,
and Mr. Rosa?
- Um, uh
[stammers]
- Nate, aren't you
supposed to be my producer?
- Hey, I am. But
- [mockingly]
But, but, but, but.
There are no buts
in the "thea-terr".
- [groans] I'll go find them.
- Miss Holloway, I can step
up to the plate as the lead,
if you'd like
An understudy, if you will.
[chuckles] You know
[door slams open]
- Sorry I'm late,
but I've been neglecting them,
poor babies.
Every time I miss kitty cuddle
time because of rehearsal,
they urinate on my curtains and
leave hairballs in my cereal.
It's a cry for help.
- Wha
- Oh, uh, so, so sorry.
My wife's got a cold.
Kiddos had to come
with me tonight.
- Oh. No problems here.
- I promise you, Dee Dee,
they'll behave themselves.
[chomp]
[screams]
- We've got Godfrey and Rosa,
but where's our lead Galvin?
- I've checked everywhere.
It's like he just vanished.
Narrator: Earlier that day.
- For I am a lonely
garlic clove.
How will thee ever love me,
Jorin Von Tooth?
- Oh, my savory bulb
of beauty, I will
I will [makes kissing sounds]
[shouts]
- Does this mean class
is canceled?
- [groans] What are we
gonna do without a lead?
- [clears throat]
- [groans] Fine!
Nichols, be Jorin Von Tooth.
- Yes! Eat it, Gavin!
- Places, everyone!
[upbeat music playing]
- Welcome to my castle ♪
It's a castle and a ♪
[babies farting, crying]
- It's OK, my babies.
Sorry.
I think they've got
full diapers.
Keep the music going, Amy.
I got this.
[dramatic music]
♪
- Welcome to our castle ♪
It's a castle and ♪
[sniffs]
Is somebody cooking pizza?
It's a little distracting.
- That's not pizza, amigo.
Mrs. Godfrey asked me
to douse her in garlic.
- [groans]
- It's called method acting,
John.
[singing operatically]
For I ♪
Am a smelly piece of gar ♪
I'm sorry.
Aren't I supposed to
be with Fontaine here?
- [stammers]
Wait, I'm here!
- Diaper!
[flies buzzing]
[squelches]
- Ahh!
- [gasps]
- Oh!
[crack]
- [gasps]
[splattering, fart noises]
No!
[groans]
The set is ruined!
- I wouldn't say ruined.
Baby poop hardly smells.
Think of it like a fresh
bag of liquid potato chips.
- Speaking of babies,
where did those feisty
little critters go?
- Oh, them?
They should be right
[beeping]
Kids!
[RUMBLING]
[crashing]
- [shouts]
They're gonna eat me!
[cats meowing]
[shouts]
[babies giggling]
[panting]
- Whoa. Relax, Francis.
They're just babies.
They can't hurt you.
- Not the babies, Nate!
[all whimpering]
[bats squeaking]
all: Bats!
[screaming]
- Somebody help!
- Save yourselves!
Abandon the kids!
Every actor for himself!
[beeping]
- Please, God!
They're allergic!
- [screams]
[babies babbling]
[dramatic music]
- Are they allergic
to the cats or the bats?
- Both.
[cat yowls]
- [shouts] Right in the tuchus.
- [shouts] Put me down!
I'm too old to fly!
- It's scraping at my pupils!
[screams]
[cat yowls]
- Jermaine DuPurr, bad kitty!
Bad kitty!
[thudding]
[crashing]
[screaming]
- [screams]
You're ruining my musical!
I quit!
The musical is canceled!
[somber music]
- [stammers] Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, Dee Dee!
You can't leave. We need you.
- I just wanted
to direct the best
middle school musical ever.
Instead it's just
babies this, cats that,
and don't get me started on
Galvin's inability to kiss.
- Dee Dee, what about
the understudies?
What about the play?
- Sorry, Principal Nichols.
But without a director,
there can be no play.
- This is all your fault,
Fontaine!
[somber music]
- [sighs]
I just wanted
to avoid Nate Watch,
not destroy Dee Dee's play.
[baby crying]
Hey, what are you all
doing here?
- We have rehearsal, obviously.
Dee Dee taught us that
the show must go on.
- Yeah, well, she's gone.
I wish she could see how good
of a director she really is.
Just look at what she did
with you guys.
I mean, sure, you're old, dead
inside,
with any spark of life
dominated by regret,
bitterness,
and fear-based decision making.
- This better be
going somewhere.
- Point is, she helped you
all get your spark back.
She always kept the show going.
And if I could, I would.
But it's just
I'm no director.
- Of course you're not, Nate.
You're our producer,
and producers produce.
♪
[splat]
- What did you Nate!
You got tomato sauce
all over my house.
- My bad! That's on me.
Yeah, a tomato was all I had.
- If you're here to talk me
into coming back,
it's not going to work.
- See, Dee Dee?
It's that stubbornness
that we need.
Your passion to be the best
makes you a strong director.
I mean, can't you see that?
No one can replace your talent
or your pizzazz.
You convinced a group
of geriatric teachers
that they could act.
I mean, that's no small feat.
They're all back
at school right now
rehearsing because
you've inspired them
to be more than they were
To be garlic, to be bats,
to be Jorin Von Tooth!
So come on, Dee Dee.
The show must go on!
[dramatic music]
[sighs]
[clank]
Huh?
♪
- I'm back, baby.
[orchestra tuning]
- Three minutes to curtain,
people!
- [panting] Uh, Deed?
We got a tiny problem.
[tense music]
- Ahh! Hello, children.
- What's wrong, Mr. Galvin?
- Stage fright, that's what.
- OK, OK.
Let's just all
take a breath here.
We can
And you're back in the coffin.
Oh, this can't be happening!
- But it always happens,
Dee Dee.
- Dr. LaGaze, is that you?
What happened to your
self-induced coma?
- I uninduced it, child.
A great actor must
always be able to turn
on a dime at any moment.
- Well, you've got
impeccable timing.
My lead actor
is speaking in tongues
and sucking his own toes.
- Mm, mm, mm.
Mama, mama, mama.
- [chuckles]
Seems that Dee Dee battactics
only took you so far.
- How do you know about that?
- Oh, word spread like
wildfire around the coma ward
that a gifted young director
was molding a cast of amateurs
into the musical of the century.
I will now whisper
to you a secret,
one I wish I could have
whispered to the younger me
so that the older me could
have known what it was
that the younger me would
have learned
from the future
time-traveling me.
[sentimental music]
[whispering]
♪
- Did you come to tell me
I've been recast
by a child potato?
- I'm a cashew, actually.
And no, I'm not recasting you.
I still think you're gonna
knock 'em dead tonight.
- You do?
Then why are you in costume?
- Why?
Because this is theater,
Mr. Galvin, not life or death.
And the show must go on.
[drumroll]
- Oh.
[crickets chirping]
- Put your crickets away,
Timothy.
- Oh, sorry.
- Come on.
Come on.
[suspenseful music]
- This is weird.
- Hmm?
- Oh, do something, Wesley.
Fontaine is your friend.
You're in the spotlight
every day.
He'll be on a soft food diet
by this time next year anyway.
[person coughs]
[light bangs on]
- Jorin, I demand
you open the doors!
We all want to be let
inside Castle Von Tooth.
- [clears throat] Hit it.
[dramatic music playing]
Why, hello there.
I'm Jorin, Jorin Von Tooth.
And I've been expecting you.
Welcome to my castle ♪
It's a castle and a house ♪
And a house, and a castle ♪
Von Tooth, Von Tooth,
he has one tooth ♪
Vampire, vampire, vampire ♪
You must be my distant
cousins from Brocloxia ♪
I'm sure you're all
quite tired ♪
But rest assured,
you'll be taken care of here ♪
all: Castle Von Tooth,
Castle Von Tooth ♪
Come for the mysteries ♪
Stay for the disheries ♪
Castle Von Tooth,
Castle Von Tooth ♪
1774, Xoclania, Castle ♪
It's cold ♪
When will we be
serving dinner? ♪
- I am a maid ♪
Let me take your things ♪
Join us for a meal, please ♪
- Hope you like blood soup ♪
I am serving blood soup,
blood soup ♪
- I am Jorin,
a lonely vampire ♪
And oh, how lonely
I'll be forever ♪
all:
He'll be lonely forever ♪
And ever, and ever ♪
- Stop telling me
what I already know ♪
all: Hoo, ha, bats,
bats, bats ♪
Hoo, ha, bats, bats, bats ♪
Hoo, ha, bats, bats, bats ♪
Use the bats
to break the spell ♪
Use the bats
to break the spell ♪
- [shouts] They're
sucking my veins dry!
I have fallen in love
with a garlic clove ♪
- For I am a potent
clove of garlic ♪
Do not roast me ♪
Do not toast me ♪
I was alive,
but can't be again ♪
- How will I tell her
that I'm allergic? ♪
So if we kiss, I will die ♪
- [snaps] [slurps]
[dramatic music]
♪
all: Castle Von Tooth,
Castle Von Tooth ♪
Come for the mysteries ♪
Stay for the disheries ♪
Castle Von Tooth,
Castle Von Tooth ♪
Castle Von Tooth ♪
[cheers and applause]
[dramatic music playing]
♪
[camera shutter clicks]
[upbeat rock music]
♪