Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s01e25 Episode Script
The Grass Ain't Always Greener
What's up, doog? What's up? The mets and the Dodgers? It's a towering foul ball off strawberry's bat.
It's headed into the seats behind the mets' dugout.
That's a lucky fan camped under it.
It's a good-looking Italian guy.
He misses it, but he doesn't care.
He's just happy to have such great seats provided by his friend doogie howser.
I'm sorry, doog.
I wasn't sure you'd score the tickets.
I scheduled another engagement.
What's more important than a gooden fast ball or a hershiser slider? The delpino libido.
Janine again? We're going on a picnic in ocean park.
You're always out with Janine.
Since you and Wanda broke up, you're a carefree, single guy, but I have certain domestic responsibilities.
My delicate little lambcake and i have an understanding.
I break her plans, she breaks my fingers.
Vinnie, you're a wimp.
Yes, but I'm a wimp with a fresh hickey.
Good morning, son.
Ah-choo.
Bless you.
Your father was up all night.
He's got the flu.
You better get back to bed.
I intend to, but I've scheduled some insurance physicals, and I've got to get somebody to fill in.
I have primo seats for the mets/dodger game.
I understand.
I'll get somebody.
I hate to ask people to give up a Saturday.
Call Pete feeney.
He's a big basketball fan.
That's a good idea.
He'd love to meet the laker girls.
The laker girls? The laker girls? Dad, medicine is my life.
Vinnie, what happened? I think it's a sprain.
I definitely need some medical attention.
I'll take you to E.
R.
Doogie's my own personal physician.
He's very possessive of my extremities.
Where is the good doctor at the moment? He's giving some insurance physicals in room 3.
Thanks.
You're an angel of mercy, nurse spaulding.
"Taryn Rogers, 21.
" Dr.
Douglas howser, 16.
I've read about you.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Ah, the French revolution.
The fall of the bourbon dynasty.
For the jacobins, it was the best of times.
For Louis xvi, it was the worst of times.
How does a history buff become a laker girl? I'm taking time off from ucla to work full-time, and for fun, I dance at laker games.
That's great.
Have a seat.
You need to open your top two buttons.
Ucla.
I lecture there sometimes.
What's your major? Philosophy.
Ah Schopenhauer.
Kierkegaard.
Nietzsche.
Karl Marx.
Groucho Marx.
Say the secret word and collect $50.
This'll be a little cold.
So What's the prognosis? Very healthy.
The first wealth is health.
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
No.
I think it was Ralph kramden.
The honeymooners, my favorite show.
One of these days Zoom to the moon.
He always ended with "baby, you're the greatest.
" Reflex time.
Excellent reflexes.
I'd love to go out with you.
Go out? Sure.
Great.
It's Saturday.
How about tonight? Tonight? Sure.
Excellent reflexes, doctor.
Don't worry.
It's only a sprained ankle.
Poor little guy.
He felt so bad about canceling our picnic.
He said, "lambcake, don't come.
I don't want you to get upset.
" Isn't that sweet? Maybe I'll wait out here.
Why? You know, doogie's going to be with him.
It's not like you're enemies.
You're just not dating.
Look, doogie will love seeing you.
He hasn't even gone out since you two split.
A little Italian birdie told me.
Really? Brad Hollister asked me out.
What did you say? I didn't.
I can't wait to comfort my poor little goomba.
Hi, who's next? A sprained ankle? You lying little snake.
It got better.
I told you he was a genius.
Shouldn't we do something? You've done enough.
I didn't have anything to do with that.
You don't have to explain to me.
You're a free man.
The same goes for you.
That's what we decided when we stopped dating.
I understand that real well.
Does that mean you're seeing someone? Yeah, I am.
Brad Hollister.
Oh, Bradley.
He's a good kid.
And you? I've had a date.
Nothing special.
Who? Oh, just some girl.
Bye, Douglas.
See you tonight.
You're looking great this evening.
Thank you.
Claude, i would like you to meet dr.
Douglas howser.
Doctor? Douglas is a resident at eastman hospital.
He's the youngest doctor in the country.
Leave it to you.
It's a pleasure, doctor.
Let me take you to your table.
Thank you.
This way.
Taryn, doctor.
Claude, Dr.
howser's starving.
This will get you started.
The herb of the evening is basil.
- O.
K.
- Enjoy.
Thanks.
Well, dig in.
You're kidding, right? No, it's good.
Just try it.
Mmm.
Well, have some more.
No.
No, thanks.
Basil really sticks to your ribs.
Hello.
Hello.
- Hello.
- Hi, babe.
Everyone, I'd like you to meet Dr.
Douglas howser.
Douglas, this is almost everybody.
This is your boy genius.
You're right, he is adorable.
Oh, god.
Well, when I was 16, i was Well, 16.
You can tell that he's a genius, too.
Oh, it's no big deal.
Really.
Douglas.
He's so modest.
After dinner, we're headed to velocity.
After hour clubs.
Oh, sure.
Velocity.
Uh, they're tough at the door.
We can sneak him in.
I can't.
I've got late rounds at the hospital.
Hospital rounds I'd say that takes precedent over clubbing.
Well, maybe some other time.
Bye.
Ciao.
Later.
Ciao.
Ciao.
Bye-bye.
Enjoy.
So.
Ready to eat? Yeah.
I'm starving.
Uh, waiter Uh, another bush please.
Come here.
Nice car.
I like it.
So does my dad.
It's his.
You know, you really handle yourself well.
You're a kid, but you're not.
It must be difficult.
Sometimes.
I'd ask you in, but you have to get to the hospital, right? Yeah.
ICould be a little late.
Look Friday night I'd like to cook you dinner.
Would you like that? At my place? Just the two of us Alone? Perfect.
You don't think you're entering the cheerleader's love shack without some valuable words of advice.
I don't need advice.
I need cooler underwear.
Wear what my uncle sal wears on dates.
A raincoat, period.
Why am I obsessing about underwear? Maybe she doesnt even want to have sex.
What did she say to you again? Word for word.
She wanted to cook me dinner.
My grandmother says that.
What else? At her place.
Ditto grandma.
And? Just the two of us alone.
Granny never said that.
Your first time out, a laker girl.
Howser, you're a god.
If I'm wrong, I'll make a fool of myself.
What if she just wants to talk? She's fluent in three languages.
Big deal.
All she's got to be fluent in is the universal language of badda-boom.
That was terrific.
Well, thanks.
It's called poulet marengo.
Yeah, Napoleon's chef created it for him after his victory at the battle of marengo.
How do you know so much? I can't help it.
I remember everything I read.
No big deal.
With people of only moderate ability, modesty is mere honesty, but with those who possess great talent, it is hypocrisy.
Arthur schopenhauer.
Yeah.
He's great.
I'm a kierkegaard groupie myself.
Life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forwards.
Then Let's move forward.
Now I have the worst crink in my neck.
I believe it.
You do all that flipping and bouncing.
Here.
Oh.
Oh, a crink.
Yeah, that's a cervical strain at "c" four and five.
That that's a definite crink.
Feels good.
Yes, it does.
Here.
Right here.
Pressure applied directly to the trapezius and levator scapulae muscles is also therapeutic.
So sometimes you have to surround the crink.
Can I have this dance, Dr.
howser? This is so much fun.
Yeah.
Better than a loud, crowded, smoke-filled club.
The splenius capitis muscle.
Mmm, the lobule auriculare.
You are so cute.
Oh! Good thing the bed was here to break our fall.
Would you like to spend the night? Here? Yes.
W i i have a curfew.
What time? Mmm, I think that's plenty of time.
And tomorrow morning, we could have brunch at the beach with Alex and Katie.
You'll love them.
They're married, and she's expecting.
And I want you to meet my friend Ricardo.
He's opening an art gallery tomorrow on Melrose.
You have a tuxedo? O.
K.
, we'll rent one.
O.
K.
, but While we're dressed up, we'll have a late dinner at la trace.
You'll love their Sushi.
Great, but But what? Married couples Tuxedos Raw fish? What are you saying? I spend all my time at the hospital acting like an adult.
When I'm off, i like being a kid.
O.
K.
, great.
What do you like to do? Shoot some hoops.
Catch a scary afternoon double feature.
Go for burgers with Vinnie and his girlfriend.
What just happened? I think we're different.
More different than I thought.
Is that so bad? No, it's it's What happens after After that's over with? Is something else going on here? No.
No.
Taryn no.
I like you.
I like you a lot.
I just don't think we can be boyfriend and girlfriend.
No.
I guess not.
I hope we can still stay friends.
Well, you know Sometimes being friends is enough to want to make love.
Your bowling ball's in the same place as your mind.
I thouht this sport as in your heritage.
That's bocce, not bowling.
Come on, you two, lose with dignity.
My turn.
She's up! Take cover! Excuse me, sweetie cakes.
Three hours.
Not bad.
What's going on? Pins, pizza, and a fat guy with his name on his shirt.
How's it going with you? How are Wanda and Bradley getting along? That Bradley's got some really sleazy moves.
Frankly, I'm impressed.
Enough about them.
How'd you do tonight? Come on, drop! You can do it! Thanks.
Is that a yes, a no? What is that? O.
K.
, my turn.
Hi.
Hi.
You look nice.
So do you.
For someone with a 120 average, you sure are getting a lot of personal instruction.
I wouldn't be surprised if you learned a few things yourself tonight.
Yeah, I did.
I don't want to hear about it.
Uh, I do.
Uh, I'll just be over there bowling.
What I learned was I can't get you out of my mind.
Wanda, nothing happened.
Wanda.
You're up.
I got to go.
Wanda, you You want to Do something Tomorrow night? Maybe go to a movie or something? A date? Uh-huh.
I told Brad I'd go to the movies with him tomorrow.
Well, then, um I'll call you Sometime.
O.
K.
Sure.
Sometime.
Hi.
Can't get to the phone right now.
Leave a message, and I'll get back to you.
Hi.
It's me.
I guess you're still out with Brad.
I just called to say that I don't know exactly what I called to say.
Oh, who am I kidding? Yes, I do.
I I miss you And I really wish we were together.
I miss you, Wanda And I, uh I love you.
Hello.
Hi.
It's headed into the seats behind the mets' dugout.
That's a lucky fan camped under it.
It's a good-looking Italian guy.
He misses it, but he doesn't care.
He's just happy to have such great seats provided by his friend doogie howser.
I'm sorry, doog.
I wasn't sure you'd score the tickets.
I scheduled another engagement.
What's more important than a gooden fast ball or a hershiser slider? The delpino libido.
Janine again? We're going on a picnic in ocean park.
You're always out with Janine.
Since you and Wanda broke up, you're a carefree, single guy, but I have certain domestic responsibilities.
My delicate little lambcake and i have an understanding.
I break her plans, she breaks my fingers.
Vinnie, you're a wimp.
Yes, but I'm a wimp with a fresh hickey.
Good morning, son.
Ah-choo.
Bless you.
Your father was up all night.
He's got the flu.
You better get back to bed.
I intend to, but I've scheduled some insurance physicals, and I've got to get somebody to fill in.
I have primo seats for the mets/dodger game.
I understand.
I'll get somebody.
I hate to ask people to give up a Saturday.
Call Pete feeney.
He's a big basketball fan.
That's a good idea.
He'd love to meet the laker girls.
The laker girls? The laker girls? Dad, medicine is my life.
Vinnie, what happened? I think it's a sprain.
I definitely need some medical attention.
I'll take you to E.
R.
Doogie's my own personal physician.
He's very possessive of my extremities.
Where is the good doctor at the moment? He's giving some insurance physicals in room 3.
Thanks.
You're an angel of mercy, nurse spaulding.
"Taryn Rogers, 21.
" Dr.
Douglas howser, 16.
I've read about you.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Ah, the French revolution.
The fall of the bourbon dynasty.
For the jacobins, it was the best of times.
For Louis xvi, it was the worst of times.
How does a history buff become a laker girl? I'm taking time off from ucla to work full-time, and for fun, I dance at laker games.
That's great.
Have a seat.
You need to open your top two buttons.
Ucla.
I lecture there sometimes.
What's your major? Philosophy.
Ah Schopenhauer.
Kierkegaard.
Nietzsche.
Karl Marx.
Groucho Marx.
Say the secret word and collect $50.
This'll be a little cold.
So What's the prognosis? Very healthy.
The first wealth is health.
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
No.
I think it was Ralph kramden.
The honeymooners, my favorite show.
One of these days Zoom to the moon.
He always ended with "baby, you're the greatest.
" Reflex time.
Excellent reflexes.
I'd love to go out with you.
Go out? Sure.
Great.
It's Saturday.
How about tonight? Tonight? Sure.
Excellent reflexes, doctor.
Don't worry.
It's only a sprained ankle.
Poor little guy.
He felt so bad about canceling our picnic.
He said, "lambcake, don't come.
I don't want you to get upset.
" Isn't that sweet? Maybe I'll wait out here.
Why? You know, doogie's going to be with him.
It's not like you're enemies.
You're just not dating.
Look, doogie will love seeing you.
He hasn't even gone out since you two split.
A little Italian birdie told me.
Really? Brad Hollister asked me out.
What did you say? I didn't.
I can't wait to comfort my poor little goomba.
Hi, who's next? A sprained ankle? You lying little snake.
It got better.
I told you he was a genius.
Shouldn't we do something? You've done enough.
I didn't have anything to do with that.
You don't have to explain to me.
You're a free man.
The same goes for you.
That's what we decided when we stopped dating.
I understand that real well.
Does that mean you're seeing someone? Yeah, I am.
Brad Hollister.
Oh, Bradley.
He's a good kid.
And you? I've had a date.
Nothing special.
Who? Oh, just some girl.
Bye, Douglas.
See you tonight.
You're looking great this evening.
Thank you.
Claude, i would like you to meet dr.
Douglas howser.
Doctor? Douglas is a resident at eastman hospital.
He's the youngest doctor in the country.
Leave it to you.
It's a pleasure, doctor.
Let me take you to your table.
Thank you.
This way.
Taryn, doctor.
Claude, Dr.
howser's starving.
This will get you started.
The herb of the evening is basil.
- O.
K.
- Enjoy.
Thanks.
Well, dig in.
You're kidding, right? No, it's good.
Just try it.
Mmm.
Well, have some more.
No.
No, thanks.
Basil really sticks to your ribs.
Hello.
Hello.
- Hello.
- Hi, babe.
Everyone, I'd like you to meet Dr.
Douglas howser.
Douglas, this is almost everybody.
This is your boy genius.
You're right, he is adorable.
Oh, god.
Well, when I was 16, i was Well, 16.
You can tell that he's a genius, too.
Oh, it's no big deal.
Really.
Douglas.
He's so modest.
After dinner, we're headed to velocity.
After hour clubs.
Oh, sure.
Velocity.
Uh, they're tough at the door.
We can sneak him in.
I can't.
I've got late rounds at the hospital.
Hospital rounds I'd say that takes precedent over clubbing.
Well, maybe some other time.
Bye.
Ciao.
Later.
Ciao.
Ciao.
Bye-bye.
Enjoy.
So.
Ready to eat? Yeah.
I'm starving.
Uh, waiter Uh, another bush please.
Come here.
Nice car.
I like it.
So does my dad.
It's his.
You know, you really handle yourself well.
You're a kid, but you're not.
It must be difficult.
Sometimes.
I'd ask you in, but you have to get to the hospital, right? Yeah.
ICould be a little late.
Look Friday night I'd like to cook you dinner.
Would you like that? At my place? Just the two of us Alone? Perfect.
You don't think you're entering the cheerleader's love shack without some valuable words of advice.
I don't need advice.
I need cooler underwear.
Wear what my uncle sal wears on dates.
A raincoat, period.
Why am I obsessing about underwear? Maybe she doesnt even want to have sex.
What did she say to you again? Word for word.
She wanted to cook me dinner.
My grandmother says that.
What else? At her place.
Ditto grandma.
And? Just the two of us alone.
Granny never said that.
Your first time out, a laker girl.
Howser, you're a god.
If I'm wrong, I'll make a fool of myself.
What if she just wants to talk? She's fluent in three languages.
Big deal.
All she's got to be fluent in is the universal language of badda-boom.
That was terrific.
Well, thanks.
It's called poulet marengo.
Yeah, Napoleon's chef created it for him after his victory at the battle of marengo.
How do you know so much? I can't help it.
I remember everything I read.
No big deal.
With people of only moderate ability, modesty is mere honesty, but with those who possess great talent, it is hypocrisy.
Arthur schopenhauer.
Yeah.
He's great.
I'm a kierkegaard groupie myself.
Life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forwards.
Then Let's move forward.
Now I have the worst crink in my neck.
I believe it.
You do all that flipping and bouncing.
Here.
Oh.
Oh, a crink.
Yeah, that's a cervical strain at "c" four and five.
That that's a definite crink.
Feels good.
Yes, it does.
Here.
Right here.
Pressure applied directly to the trapezius and levator scapulae muscles is also therapeutic.
So sometimes you have to surround the crink.
Can I have this dance, Dr.
howser? This is so much fun.
Yeah.
Better than a loud, crowded, smoke-filled club.
The splenius capitis muscle.
Mmm, the lobule auriculare.
You are so cute.
Oh! Good thing the bed was here to break our fall.
Would you like to spend the night? Here? Yes.
W i i have a curfew.
What time? Mmm, I think that's plenty of time.
And tomorrow morning, we could have brunch at the beach with Alex and Katie.
You'll love them.
They're married, and she's expecting.
And I want you to meet my friend Ricardo.
He's opening an art gallery tomorrow on Melrose.
You have a tuxedo? O.
K.
, we'll rent one.
O.
K.
, but While we're dressed up, we'll have a late dinner at la trace.
You'll love their Sushi.
Great, but But what? Married couples Tuxedos Raw fish? What are you saying? I spend all my time at the hospital acting like an adult.
When I'm off, i like being a kid.
O.
K.
, great.
What do you like to do? Shoot some hoops.
Catch a scary afternoon double feature.
Go for burgers with Vinnie and his girlfriend.
What just happened? I think we're different.
More different than I thought.
Is that so bad? No, it's it's What happens after After that's over with? Is something else going on here? No.
No.
Taryn no.
I like you.
I like you a lot.
I just don't think we can be boyfriend and girlfriend.
No.
I guess not.
I hope we can still stay friends.
Well, you know Sometimes being friends is enough to want to make love.
Your bowling ball's in the same place as your mind.
I thouht this sport as in your heritage.
That's bocce, not bowling.
Come on, you two, lose with dignity.
My turn.
She's up! Take cover! Excuse me, sweetie cakes.
Three hours.
Not bad.
What's going on? Pins, pizza, and a fat guy with his name on his shirt.
How's it going with you? How are Wanda and Bradley getting along? That Bradley's got some really sleazy moves.
Frankly, I'm impressed.
Enough about them.
How'd you do tonight? Come on, drop! You can do it! Thanks.
Is that a yes, a no? What is that? O.
K.
, my turn.
Hi.
Hi.
You look nice.
So do you.
For someone with a 120 average, you sure are getting a lot of personal instruction.
I wouldn't be surprised if you learned a few things yourself tonight.
Yeah, I did.
I don't want to hear about it.
Uh, I do.
Uh, I'll just be over there bowling.
What I learned was I can't get you out of my mind.
Wanda, nothing happened.
Wanda.
You're up.
I got to go.
Wanda, you You want to Do something Tomorrow night? Maybe go to a movie or something? A date? Uh-huh.
I told Brad I'd go to the movies with him tomorrow.
Well, then, um I'll call you Sometime.
O.
K.
Sure.
Sometime.
Hi.
Can't get to the phone right now.
Leave a message, and I'll get back to you.
Hi.
It's me.
I guess you're still out with Brad.
I just called to say that I don't know exactly what I called to say.
Oh, who am I kidding? Yes, I do.
I I miss you And I really wish we were together.
I miss you, Wanda And I, uh I love you.
Hello.
Hi.