Get Smart (1965) s01e25 Episode Script
The Amazing Harry Hoo
( plates shatter ) - ( gunshot ) - ( woman screams) ( clicks ) ( theme music playing ) BUT, CHIEF, I'M TELLING YOU 99 HAD NO RIGHT TO SHOOT AT ME.
SHE COULD HAVE HIT ME.
DRAWING YOUR GUN ON THAT KAOS AGENT.
- BUT, CHIEF-- - IT WAS YOUR JOB TO FOLLOW THAT MAN NOT TO APPREHEND HIM.
IT'S A GOOD THING I HAD 99 AND 56 THERE TO BACK YOU UP.
- I'M SORRY I HAD TO DO IT, MAX.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT, 9-- BACKING ME UP TOO? YES, MAX, AND 56 IS STILL FOLLOWING THAT KAOS AGENT.
THAT AGENT IS OUR ONLY LEAD TO THEIR NUMBER-ONE MAN, THE MAN IN CHARGE OF KAOS'S DATA SMUGGLING OPERATION.
YOUR MAN WAS NUMBER THREE.
HE WOULD LEAD US TO NUMBER TWO.
AND NUMBER TWO WOULD LEAD US TO NUMBER ONE.
HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN FOLLOWING THOSE AGENTS? SINCE NUMBER 118.
MY GOSH, CHIEF, THAT SEEMS LIKE AN AWFUL WASTE OF TIME TO ME.
WHY DIDN'T WE JUST START OFF WITH NUMBER ONE? MAX, THIS CHAIN IS PART OF A MASSIVE SMUGGLING OPERATION TO GET THE FORMULA OF THE TK-800 OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
- THE TK-800? - RIGHT.
THE TK-800-- CHIEF, IF THEY EVER GET THE TK-800 OUT OF THE COUNTRY - WE'RE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
- UH-HUH.
- THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT BOTHERS ME.
- WHAT? WHAT IS THE TK-800? IT'S THE FORMULA FOR THE TRANQUILIZER BOMB.
WE THINK NUMBER THREE IS CARRYING THE FORMULA TO A HIGHER-UP.
- WHAT ABOUT THE MAP, CHIEF? - WHAT MAP? THIS CHART REPRESENTS THE MOVEMENTS OF ALL THE KAOS AGENTS FROM 118 TO NUMBER THREE.
WE THOUGHT IF WE COULD FIGURE OUT A PATTERN TO THEIR MOVEMENTS WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DEDUCE WHERE THEIR HEADQUARTERS IS.
- ( phone ringing ) - THAT MAY BE 56 REPORTING IN.
HELLO? OH YES, 56, WHERE ARE YOU? OH, I SEE.
HAS HE MADE CONTACT? WELL, HANG ON TO HIM.
I'M SENDING 86 AND 99 TO TAKE OVER.
HE FOLLOWED NUMBER THREE TO THE AIRPORT.
YOU TWO WILL PICK HIM UP THERE.
MAX, ARE YOU LISTENING? HUH? OH, YES, CHIEF.
I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
YOU SEE, THE POSITION OF ALL THESE KAOS AGENTS CAN BE EXPLAINED.
- ALL EXCEPT ONE.
- WHICH ONE IS THAT? NOW WHAT'S THIS GUY DOING UP HERE IN MANITOBA? HE WAS HOLDING THE MAP UP.
( woman speaking over P.
A.
) - 56? - YES, 86.
- WHERE'S OUR SUBJECT? - HE MADE CONTACT WITH ANOTHER MAN WEARING A LOUD SPORTS SHIRT.
THEY WENT INTO THE MEN'S LOUNGE ABOUT A MINUTE AGO.
ALL RIGHT, 56.
WHEN THEY COME OUT, YOU STAY WITH THE NUMBER-THREE MAN.
FOLLOW THE NEW ONE.
MAX, HERE THEY COME.
WAIT A MINUTE, 99.
- THERE'S SOMETHING STRANGE ABOUT THAT MAN.
- WHAT? HE'S NOT WEARING A LOUD SPORTS SHIRT.
THE NUMBER-THREE MAN WAS WEARING THE LOUD SPORTS SHIRT.
FOR SOME REASON OR OTHER THEY EXCHANGED SHIRTS.
- COME ON - RIGHT.
THERE YOU ARE, SIR.
YOUR FLIGHT FOR SAN FRANCISCO IS LEAVING AT GATE NINE.
I THINK YOU CAN JUST MAKE IT.
YES, SIR? - TWO TICKETS TO SAN FRANCISCO PLEASE.
- MM-HMM.
- FIRST CLASS OR TOURIST? - TOURIST.
- DINNER FLIGHT OR SNACK FLIGHT? - DINNER.
- SINGLE PLAN OR FAMILY PLAN? - SINGLE.
WILL THAT BE CASH OR ADVANCED BILLING? - CASH, AND PLEASE HURRY.
- Last call for flight 72 to San Francisco.
- ROUND TRIP OR ONE WAY? - ROUND TRIP.
AND WHEN WILL YOU BE RETURNING? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? IT MAY NOT MATTER TO YOU BUT IT CERTAINLY MATTERS TO US.
LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT ANY TIME IT'S CONVENIENT FOR THE AIRLINE? GOOD, I'LL LEAVE THAT OPEN.
MAX, WE'RE GONNA MISS THAT PLANE.
THAT'LL BE $609.
42.
OH, BY THE WAY, THE MOVIE THAT YOU'LL BE SEEING IS "BRUNCH IN ACAPULCO.
" - "BRUNCH IN ACAPULCO"? - YES, STARRING GEORGE BRENNAN, JOAN BENNETT WITH EDWARD G.
ROBINSON AND LYNN BARI IN SUPPORTING ROLES.
OH, AND JOAN BLONDELL AND CAB CALLOWAY MAKE CAMEO APPEARANCES.
- DOES THAT TAKE PLACE IN MEXICO? - YES, IT DOES.
- I SAW IT, 99.
- MAX, THE PLANE.
PLEASE, 99, I'M TELLING YOU I SAW THE PICTURE AND IT WAS A BOMB.
EVEN JOAN BLONDELL COULDN'T SAVE IT.
WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT? ON THE FLIGHT TO SEATTLE CONNECTING TO SAN FRANCISCO WE HAVE A REAL WINNER-- "THE RETURN OF THE CISCO KID.
" "THE RETURN OF THE CISCO KID"! NOW THAT WAS A GREAT ONE, 99.
TELL ME, DOES GILBERT ROLAND PLAY THE CISCO KID? - MAX! - LET ME SEE.
NO NO NO, HE DOESN'T.
RAUL HERNANDEZ PLAYS THE CISCO KID.
UH-OH, I'M SORRY.
( chuckles ) RAUL HERNANDEZ IS YOUR PILOT.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING WITH CARY GRANT IN IT? - LET ME SEE.
- MAX, COME ON! VERY GOOD.
IT APPEARS, BOBO, THAT OUR OLD ADVER-- OUR OLD ADVERSARY MAXWELL SMART HAS FALLEN INTO OUR TRAP.
HE DOES NOT REALIZE THAT HE IS WALKING INTO GREAT DANGER.
IT IS TRUE, MASTER.
I NEVER FLY IF I CAN AVOID IT.
NO, YOU MISUNDERSTAND ME, BOBO.
MR.
SMART FOLLOWS NUMBER TWO, LING HOW, HOPING TO BE LED TO ME.
BUT WHAT HE DOES NOT KNOW IS THAT DEATH AWAITS HIM AT THE END OF HIS ODYSSEY.
NOW HERE ARE YOUR ORDERS.
IT IS VERY SIMPLE.
GO TO THE TREMONT HOTEL.
WHEN LING HOW ARRIVES, KILL HIM.
GET THE SHIRT AND LEAVE THIS HALF LAUNDRY TICKET ON HIS BODY.
NOW DO YOU HAVE THAT, BOBO? YES, MASTER.
JUST GIVE ME THE LAST PART AGAIN.
- WHICH PART? - THE PART AFTER "IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
" OH, BOBO.
( door creaks ) INTERESTING.
HE WAS KILLED AND THEN PUT INTO THE CLOSET.
MOMENT, PLEASE.
SUPPOSE MURDERED MAN WAS KILLED WHILE HANGING UP COAT.
- WHO'S THAT? - THAT'S HOO.
- WHO'S WHO? - HE'S HOO.
OH, HE'S WHO.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OH, MR.
SMART, THIS IS THE FAMOUS HAWAIIAN DETECTIVE, NOW SERVING WITH THE SAN FRANCISCO POLICE FORCE, INSPECTOR HARRY HOO.
OH, HE'S HOO.
HI, HOO.
IT CERTAINLY IS NICE TO MEET YOU, INSPECTOR HOO.
I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR WORK.
YOU ARE TOO KIND, MR.
SMART.
HUMBLE MASTER DETECTIVE IS HONORED TO HELP YOU IN UNUSUAL CASE.
UH, WHAT BOTHERS ME ABOUT THIS CASE, INSPECTOR HOO, IS THE MOTIVE FOR THE MURDER.
OH, CORRECTION, PLEASE.
THIS IS NOT CASE OF MURDER, MR.
SMART.
THIS CASE OF ROBBERY.
ROBBERY? THAT'S AMAZING.
BUT HOW CAN YOU SAY IT'S ROBBERY, MR.
HOO? I MEAN, THE MAN WAS FOUND DEAD WITH $100 IN HIS WALLET.
HUMBLE BEG PARDON, MR.
SMART.
SUPPOSE VICTIM'S WALLET ORIGINALLY CONTAIN $101.
BY GEORGE, YOU'RE RIGHT.
OF COURSE, THEN THEY TOOK THE DOLLAR AND LEFT THE $100 TO THROW US OFF THE TRACK.
YOU ARE APT PUPIL, MR.
SMART.
YES, OF COURSE.
THEN THEY MURDERED HIM SO WE WOULDN'T FIND OUT ABOUT THE ROBBERY.
IT IS WISELY WRITTEN, MR.
SMART, "DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES.
" MR.
SMART, YOU ARE MAN OF SOME PERCEPTION.
WHAT DO YOU NOTICE ABOUT MAN ON FLOOR? HE'S NOT BREATHING.
WHICH PRESENT TWO POSSIBILITY, MR.
SMART.
ONE: MAN HAS GONE TO VISIT HONORABLE ANCESTOR.
OR? MAN VERY GOOD AT HOLDING BREATH.
DO YOU NOT NOTICE ANYTHING ELSE UNUSUAL, MR.
SMART? NO, I DON'T THINK SO, MR.
HOO.
YOUR EYES SEE, MR.
SMART, BUT THEY DO NOT OBSERVE.
I DON'T THINK I FOLLOW YOU, MR.
HOO.
OBSERVE CLOSELY, MR.
SMART.
MURDERED MAN DRESSED IN BUSINESS SUIT.
GRAY JACKET AND PANTS, BLACK SOCKS AND SHOES, STRIPED NECKTIE, SILVER TIE CLASP.
HMM, LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.
THEN WHY, I ASK YOU, MR.
SMART, WHY IS HE NOT WEARING SHIRT? BY GOLLY, YOU DON'T MISS A TRICK, DO YOU? YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULDN'T HAVE NOTICED THAT LITTLE DETAIL.
THAT IS WHY IT IS WISELY WRITTEN, MR.
SMART, "BIRD IN HAND GATHER NO MOSS.
" AH SO.
IS IT A CLUE, HOO? IT IS EVIDENCE LEFT BY MURDERER, MR.
SMART, - IT'S A BUTTON.
- WHICH PRESENT TWO POSSIBILITY.
ONE: VICTIM TORE BUTTON FROM MURDERER JACKET DURING STRUGGLE.
OR? IT IS BUTTON FROM MY JACKET SLEEVE.
RIGHT.
TELL ME, MR.
HOO, DO ALL HAWAIIAN DETECTIVES WEAR WHITE SUITS? NO, I BEGAN TO WEAR WHITE SUIT IN HAWAII WHEN I WAS EMPLOYEE OF ICE CREAM FIRM.
WELL, THEY'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE.
( chuckles ) YOU SHOULD SEE MY CLEANING BILLS.
TELL ME, MR.
SMART, HOW YOU THINK MURDER WAS COMMITTED.
TWO POSSIBILITIES.
ONE: HE WAS KILLED BY A .
22-CALIBER PISTOL AT LONG RANGE BY A SHORT MAN WHO WAS A STRANGER TO HIM.
OR? HE WAS KILLED AT CLOSE RANGE BY A KNIFE USED BY A WOMAN HE KNEW WHO WAS OVER SIX FEET TALL.
AMAZING.
AH SO.
YOU FOUND SOMETHING, MR.
HOO? PERHAPS, MR.
SMART.
NOTICE PLEASE, ASHTRAY CONTAIN TWO CIGARETTES.
I SEE.
THEN THAT MEANS THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE HERE IN THE ROOM WITH THE VICTIM WHEN HE WAS KILLED.
PERHAPS EVEN THE MURDERER.
MOMENT PLEASE.
MOMENT PLEASE? ONCE AGAIN WORTHY CONTROL AGENT LEAP TO OBVIOUS CONCLUSION.
IF VICTIM WERE NON-SMOKER COULD HAVE BEEN TWO SMOKERS IN ROOM WITH HIM.
WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
PERHAPS TWO SMOKERS AND ONE NON-SMOKER.
MOMENT PLEASE.
MOMENT PLEASE? PERHAPS THERE WERE TWO SMOKERS AND TWO NON-SMOKERS.
PERHAPS TWO SMOKERS AND FOUR NON-SMOKERS.
THEN WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, MR.
HOO, IS THAT THERE COULD HAVE BEEN AS MANY 50 PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM WITH THE VICTIM WHEN HE WAS KILLED.
PROVIDING ONLY TWO OF THEM WERE SMOKERS.
EXACTLY.
BOY, IT MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY CROWDED IN HERE.
- MAX.
- OH, 99.
I TALKED TO ALL OF THE OTHER OCCUPANTS ON THE FLOOR AND THEY HEARD NO STRANGE NOISES, JUST THE USUAL RUNNING AND SHOOTING AND SCREAMING.
OH.
OH, 99, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MR.
HOO, THE FAMOUS HAWAIIAN DETECTIVE.
- HELLO.
- CHARMED.
HAVEN'T WE MET BEFORE IN HAWAII? DO YOU LIKE ICE CREAM? - NO.
- THEN I DON'T THINK WE'VE MET.
CHECK IN WITH CONTROL - AND TELL THEM WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING HERE.
- RIGHT, MAX.
WE'RE GONNA REMOVE THE BODY, SIR.
UH, MOMENT PLEASE.
MUCH CAN BE LEARNED FROM MAN BY WHAT HE CARRY ON PERSON.
PLEASE TO EXAMINE POCKETS, MR.
SMART.
WALLET HANDKERCHIEF COMB KEYS TO MY APARTMENT.
ONE MOMENT, MR.
SMART.
VICTIM HAD KEY TO YOUR APARTMENT IN HIS POCKET? OH.
YOU WANT ME TO SEARCH HIS POCKETS.
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING IN HIS POCKET BUT THIS HALF OF A LAUNDRY TICKET.
AH SO.
LAUNDRY TICKET TELL US SOMETHING.
PRESENT TWO POSSIBILITIES.
ONE: EITHER VICTIM WAS TRYING TO LOCATE MAN WITH OTHER HALF OF LAUNDRY TICKET, - OR-- - MOMENT PLEASE.
YOU MIND IF I TRY OTHER HALF OF POSSIBILITIES? PLEASE TO DO SO.
OR VICTIM ONLY TOOK HALF HIS LAUNDRY TO THE CLEANERS.
AMAZING.
HAS WEAPON BEEN CLEARED FOR PRINTS? THERE WERE NO PRINTS, SIR.
THE MURDERER MUST HAVE WORN GLOVES.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU MAY TAKE BODY NOW.
MR.
SMART, IT WOULD BE MOST INSTRUCTIVE IF WE RECONSTRUCT CRIME.
WILL YOU ASSIST ME, PLEASE? I'D BE MOST HAPPY TO, MR.
HOO.
JUDGING FROM ANGLE OF WOUND VICTIM WAS STANDING QUITE CLOSE TO ASSAILANT.
- LIKE SO.
- LIKE THIS.
I SUSPECT MURDERER WAS HOLDING KNIFE UP HIS SLEEVE.
LIKE THIS.
WHEN MURDERER WAS READY TO STRIKE - HE MERELY SLID OUT KNIFE - LIKE THIS.
- PULLED VICTIM CLOSE TO HIM WITH FREE ARM - LIKE THIS.
SEIZED THE KNIFE AND PLUNGED IT HOME.
LIKE THIS! SORRY ABOUT THAT.
AMAZING.
MAX, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE? ALL CHINESE LAUNDRIES LOOK ALIKE TO ME.
PLEASE, 99, THE ADDRESS WAS RIGHT ON THE BACK OF THE LAUNDRY TICKET WE FOUND ON THE BODY.
I'M NO HARRY HOO, BUT GIVE ME SOME CREDIT FOR SOME INTELLIGENCE.
WHERE IS HARRY HOO? I THINK HE GOT A LITTLE IRRITATED WHEN I TORE HIS COAT.
I GUESS HE WENT HOME TO CHANGE.
HMM, THAT'S FUNNY, 99.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT SHIRTS IN A CHINESE LAUNDRY? WELL, THESE LAUNDRY MARKS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A COMPLICATED SERIES OF NUMBERS ON A MAN'S SHIRT.
- YOU DON'T SUPPOSE - WHAT, MAX? SO, IT'S OUR OLD FRIEND THE CRAW.
NOT THE CRAW.
THE CLAW! - BOBO, TAKE THEIR WEAPONS.
- ONE MOVE AND I FIRE.
MR.
SMART, WHAT USE WOULD YOUR FLASHLIGHT BE AGAINST THIS? AT LEAST I CAN SEE WHO'S KILLING ME.
IT'S IN HER PURSE.
The Claw: THANK YOU, MR.
SMART.
WELL, HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS, 99? THE CRAW, ONE OF THE GREAT MASTER CRIMINALS OF ALL TIME WORKING IN A CHINESE LAUNDRY.
NO, MR.
SMART.
OPERATING A CHAIN OF CHINESE LAUNDRIES ACROSS THE NATION WHERE KAOS AGENTS RECEIVE AND PASS ON STOLEN INFORMATION.
A COMPLETE SPY NETWORK.
THE SPY NETWORK IS JUST A FRONT.
THE REAL MONEY IS IN THE LAUNDRY.
THE LESS HE KNOWS THE BETTER.
OF COURSE, MAX.
THE FORMULA FOR THE TRANQUILIZER BOMB IS IN THE LAUNDRY MARK.
EXACTLY.
WHERE NO IMMIGRATION OFFICER WOULD EVER LOOK.
THIS WAY, MR.
SMART.
THIS LAUNDRY IS THE END OF OUR PIPELINE.
AND NOW, MR.
SMART, YOU WILL TELL ME WHICH OF MY MEN IS KNOWN TO YOUR ORGANIZATION.
LIKE THE CARELESS LING HOW, HE MUST BE ELIMINATED.
YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME, CRAW.
YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYTHING OUT OF ME.
I THINK OUR MOST FITTING MEANS OF PERSUASION IS CLOSE AT HAND.
BOBO, THE PRESSING MACHINE.
SHOW HIM HOW IT WORKS, BOBO.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? NO STARCH, PLEASE.
BOBO, YOU MAY NOW PRESS MR.
SMART'S HEAD.
Hoo: MOMENT PLEASE.
OH, IT IS YOU, HOO.
WE MEET AGAIN, MR.
CRAW.
CLAW, NOT CRAW! CLAW! WELL, I SEE YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER.
HAVE FOLLOWED TRAIL OF THIS MAN FOR MANY YEARS.
HAVE COMPLETE FILE ON HIM LACKING IN ONLY ONE ITEM.
WHAT ITEM IS THAT? COMPLETE SET OF FINGERPRINTS.
HOW DID YOU KNOW WE WERE HERE? CALLED YOUR HOTEL AND GOT NO ANSWER.
HOW DID YOU KNOW TO LOOK FOR US HERE IN THE CHINESE LAUNDRY? WAS NOT LOOKING FOR YOU.
ALWAYS BRING MY SHIRTS HERE.
AMAZING.
SO YOU SEE, MR.
HOO, THAT'S HOW THEY DID IT.
FIVE DIFFERENT KAOS AGENTS EACH CARRYING A SHIRT FROM A KAOS LAUNDRY NEAR THE PENTAGON.
AND EACH SHIRT CONTAINING A PART OF THE FORMULA.
IN THAT WAY NONE OF THE KAOS AGENT COULD GO INTO BUSINESS FOR HIMSELF.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, 99, - I'D LIKE TO TELL THIS IN MY OWN WAY.
- RIGHT, MAX.
YOU SEE, MR.
HOO, IN THAT WAY NONE OF THE KAOS AGENTS COULD GO INTO BUSINESS FOR HIMSELF.
ANYWAY, THE TERMINAL WAS ALWAYS HERE AT THE CRAW'S LAUNDRY.
FROM HERE THE DATA WOULD GO OVERSEAS.
BUT TELL ME, MR.
HOO, HOW DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS MORE THAN JUST A SIMPLE MURDER? AH, IT IS TRULY WRITTEN, "EYES OF MIND NEVER SLEEP.
" YOUR HONORABLE SERVANT OBSERVE TWO THINGS THAT WERE MOST SUGGESTIVE.
TWO POSSIBILITIES, EH? WHAT WERE THEY, MR.
HOO? FIRST, PORCELAIN CAT WAS MISSING FROM USUAL SPOT ON MANTELPIECE.
SECOND, GARDENER HAD TRIMMED MAGNOLIAS.
OF COURSE.
THE PORCELAIN CAT.
IT'S ALL SO SIMPLE.
WHAT PORCELAIN CAT? SO SORRY, THAT WAS ANOTHER CASE.
IN THAT ONE GARDENER DID IT.
DON'T SUPPOSE THERE WAS GARDENER IN THIS CASE? NO.
WELL, ANYWAY, MR.
HOO, YOU CAME JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME.
THE CRAW WAS ABOUT TO SUBJECT ME TO THIS.
AH YES, CHINESE STEAM-PRESS TORTURE.
FIENDISH BUT EFFECTIVE.
AH! ALLOW ME TO OFFER OLD ORIENTAL SAYING-- ( speaks foreign language ) UH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? SORRY ABOUT THAT.
( theme music playing )
SHE COULD HAVE HIT ME.
DRAWING YOUR GUN ON THAT KAOS AGENT.
- BUT, CHIEF-- - IT WAS YOUR JOB TO FOLLOW THAT MAN NOT TO APPREHEND HIM.
IT'S A GOOD THING I HAD 99 AND 56 THERE TO BACK YOU UP.
- I'M SORRY I HAD TO DO IT, MAX.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT, 9-- BACKING ME UP TOO? YES, MAX, AND 56 IS STILL FOLLOWING THAT KAOS AGENT.
THAT AGENT IS OUR ONLY LEAD TO THEIR NUMBER-ONE MAN, THE MAN IN CHARGE OF KAOS'S DATA SMUGGLING OPERATION.
YOUR MAN WAS NUMBER THREE.
HE WOULD LEAD US TO NUMBER TWO.
AND NUMBER TWO WOULD LEAD US TO NUMBER ONE.
HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN FOLLOWING THOSE AGENTS? SINCE NUMBER 118.
MY GOSH, CHIEF, THAT SEEMS LIKE AN AWFUL WASTE OF TIME TO ME.
WHY DIDN'T WE JUST START OFF WITH NUMBER ONE? MAX, THIS CHAIN IS PART OF A MASSIVE SMUGGLING OPERATION TO GET THE FORMULA OF THE TK-800 OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
- THE TK-800? - RIGHT.
THE TK-800-- CHIEF, IF THEY EVER GET THE TK-800 OUT OF THE COUNTRY - WE'RE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
- UH-HUH.
- THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT BOTHERS ME.
- WHAT? WHAT IS THE TK-800? IT'S THE FORMULA FOR THE TRANQUILIZER BOMB.
WE THINK NUMBER THREE IS CARRYING THE FORMULA TO A HIGHER-UP.
- WHAT ABOUT THE MAP, CHIEF? - WHAT MAP? THIS CHART REPRESENTS THE MOVEMENTS OF ALL THE KAOS AGENTS FROM 118 TO NUMBER THREE.
WE THOUGHT IF WE COULD FIGURE OUT A PATTERN TO THEIR MOVEMENTS WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DEDUCE WHERE THEIR HEADQUARTERS IS.
- ( phone ringing ) - THAT MAY BE 56 REPORTING IN.
HELLO? OH YES, 56, WHERE ARE YOU? OH, I SEE.
HAS HE MADE CONTACT? WELL, HANG ON TO HIM.
I'M SENDING 86 AND 99 TO TAKE OVER.
HE FOLLOWED NUMBER THREE TO THE AIRPORT.
YOU TWO WILL PICK HIM UP THERE.
MAX, ARE YOU LISTENING? HUH? OH, YES, CHIEF.
I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
YOU SEE, THE POSITION OF ALL THESE KAOS AGENTS CAN BE EXPLAINED.
- ALL EXCEPT ONE.
- WHICH ONE IS THAT? NOW WHAT'S THIS GUY DOING UP HERE IN MANITOBA? HE WAS HOLDING THE MAP UP.
( woman speaking over P.
A.
) - 56? - YES, 86.
- WHERE'S OUR SUBJECT? - HE MADE CONTACT WITH ANOTHER MAN WEARING A LOUD SPORTS SHIRT.
THEY WENT INTO THE MEN'S LOUNGE ABOUT A MINUTE AGO.
ALL RIGHT, 56.
WHEN THEY COME OUT, YOU STAY WITH THE NUMBER-THREE MAN.
FOLLOW THE NEW ONE.
MAX, HERE THEY COME.
WAIT A MINUTE, 99.
- THERE'S SOMETHING STRANGE ABOUT THAT MAN.
- WHAT? HE'S NOT WEARING A LOUD SPORTS SHIRT.
THE NUMBER-THREE MAN WAS WEARING THE LOUD SPORTS SHIRT.
FOR SOME REASON OR OTHER THEY EXCHANGED SHIRTS.
- COME ON - RIGHT.
THERE YOU ARE, SIR.
YOUR FLIGHT FOR SAN FRANCISCO IS LEAVING AT GATE NINE.
I THINK YOU CAN JUST MAKE IT.
YES, SIR? - TWO TICKETS TO SAN FRANCISCO PLEASE.
- MM-HMM.
- FIRST CLASS OR TOURIST? - TOURIST.
- DINNER FLIGHT OR SNACK FLIGHT? - DINNER.
- SINGLE PLAN OR FAMILY PLAN? - SINGLE.
WILL THAT BE CASH OR ADVANCED BILLING? - CASH, AND PLEASE HURRY.
- Last call for flight 72 to San Francisco.
- ROUND TRIP OR ONE WAY? - ROUND TRIP.
AND WHEN WILL YOU BE RETURNING? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? IT MAY NOT MATTER TO YOU BUT IT CERTAINLY MATTERS TO US.
LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT ANY TIME IT'S CONVENIENT FOR THE AIRLINE? GOOD, I'LL LEAVE THAT OPEN.
MAX, WE'RE GONNA MISS THAT PLANE.
THAT'LL BE $609.
42.
OH, BY THE WAY, THE MOVIE THAT YOU'LL BE SEEING IS "BRUNCH IN ACAPULCO.
" - "BRUNCH IN ACAPULCO"? - YES, STARRING GEORGE BRENNAN, JOAN BENNETT WITH EDWARD G.
ROBINSON AND LYNN BARI IN SUPPORTING ROLES.
OH, AND JOAN BLONDELL AND CAB CALLOWAY MAKE CAMEO APPEARANCES.
- DOES THAT TAKE PLACE IN MEXICO? - YES, IT DOES.
- I SAW IT, 99.
- MAX, THE PLANE.
PLEASE, 99, I'M TELLING YOU I SAW THE PICTURE AND IT WAS A BOMB.
EVEN JOAN BLONDELL COULDN'T SAVE IT.
WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT? ON THE FLIGHT TO SEATTLE CONNECTING TO SAN FRANCISCO WE HAVE A REAL WINNER-- "THE RETURN OF THE CISCO KID.
" "THE RETURN OF THE CISCO KID"! NOW THAT WAS A GREAT ONE, 99.
TELL ME, DOES GILBERT ROLAND PLAY THE CISCO KID? - MAX! - LET ME SEE.
NO NO NO, HE DOESN'T.
RAUL HERNANDEZ PLAYS THE CISCO KID.
UH-OH, I'M SORRY.
( chuckles ) RAUL HERNANDEZ IS YOUR PILOT.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING WITH CARY GRANT IN IT? - LET ME SEE.
- MAX, COME ON! VERY GOOD.
IT APPEARS, BOBO, THAT OUR OLD ADVER-- OUR OLD ADVERSARY MAXWELL SMART HAS FALLEN INTO OUR TRAP.
HE DOES NOT REALIZE THAT HE IS WALKING INTO GREAT DANGER.
IT IS TRUE, MASTER.
I NEVER FLY IF I CAN AVOID IT.
NO, YOU MISUNDERSTAND ME, BOBO.
MR.
SMART FOLLOWS NUMBER TWO, LING HOW, HOPING TO BE LED TO ME.
BUT WHAT HE DOES NOT KNOW IS THAT DEATH AWAITS HIM AT THE END OF HIS ODYSSEY.
NOW HERE ARE YOUR ORDERS.
IT IS VERY SIMPLE.
GO TO THE TREMONT HOTEL.
WHEN LING HOW ARRIVES, KILL HIM.
GET THE SHIRT AND LEAVE THIS HALF LAUNDRY TICKET ON HIS BODY.
NOW DO YOU HAVE THAT, BOBO? YES, MASTER.
JUST GIVE ME THE LAST PART AGAIN.
- WHICH PART? - THE PART AFTER "IT'S VERY SIMPLE.
" OH, BOBO.
( door creaks ) INTERESTING.
HE WAS KILLED AND THEN PUT INTO THE CLOSET.
MOMENT, PLEASE.
SUPPOSE MURDERED MAN WAS KILLED WHILE HANGING UP COAT.
- WHO'S THAT? - THAT'S HOO.
- WHO'S WHO? - HE'S HOO.
OH, HE'S WHO.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? OH, MR.
SMART, THIS IS THE FAMOUS HAWAIIAN DETECTIVE, NOW SERVING WITH THE SAN FRANCISCO POLICE FORCE, INSPECTOR HARRY HOO.
OH, HE'S HOO.
HI, HOO.
IT CERTAINLY IS NICE TO MEET YOU, INSPECTOR HOO.
I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOUR WORK.
YOU ARE TOO KIND, MR.
SMART.
HUMBLE MASTER DETECTIVE IS HONORED TO HELP YOU IN UNUSUAL CASE.
UH, WHAT BOTHERS ME ABOUT THIS CASE, INSPECTOR HOO, IS THE MOTIVE FOR THE MURDER.
OH, CORRECTION, PLEASE.
THIS IS NOT CASE OF MURDER, MR.
SMART.
THIS CASE OF ROBBERY.
ROBBERY? THAT'S AMAZING.
BUT HOW CAN YOU SAY IT'S ROBBERY, MR.
HOO? I MEAN, THE MAN WAS FOUND DEAD WITH $100 IN HIS WALLET.
HUMBLE BEG PARDON, MR.
SMART.
SUPPOSE VICTIM'S WALLET ORIGINALLY CONTAIN $101.
BY GEORGE, YOU'RE RIGHT.
OF COURSE, THEN THEY TOOK THE DOLLAR AND LEFT THE $100 TO THROW US OFF THE TRACK.
YOU ARE APT PUPIL, MR.
SMART.
YES, OF COURSE.
THEN THEY MURDERED HIM SO WE WOULDN'T FIND OUT ABOUT THE ROBBERY.
IT IS WISELY WRITTEN, MR.
SMART, "DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES.
" MR.
SMART, YOU ARE MAN OF SOME PERCEPTION.
WHAT DO YOU NOTICE ABOUT MAN ON FLOOR? HE'S NOT BREATHING.
WHICH PRESENT TWO POSSIBILITY, MR.
SMART.
ONE: MAN HAS GONE TO VISIT HONORABLE ANCESTOR.
OR? MAN VERY GOOD AT HOLDING BREATH.
DO YOU NOT NOTICE ANYTHING ELSE UNUSUAL, MR.
SMART? NO, I DON'T THINK SO, MR.
HOO.
YOUR EYES SEE, MR.
SMART, BUT THEY DO NOT OBSERVE.
I DON'T THINK I FOLLOW YOU, MR.
HOO.
OBSERVE CLOSELY, MR.
SMART.
MURDERED MAN DRESSED IN BUSINESS SUIT.
GRAY JACKET AND PANTS, BLACK SOCKS AND SHOES, STRIPED NECKTIE, SILVER TIE CLASP.
HMM, LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.
THEN WHY, I ASK YOU, MR.
SMART, WHY IS HE NOT WEARING SHIRT? BY GOLLY, YOU DON'T MISS A TRICK, DO YOU? YOU KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULDN'T HAVE NOTICED THAT LITTLE DETAIL.
THAT IS WHY IT IS WISELY WRITTEN, MR.
SMART, "BIRD IN HAND GATHER NO MOSS.
" AH SO.
IS IT A CLUE, HOO? IT IS EVIDENCE LEFT BY MURDERER, MR.
SMART, - IT'S A BUTTON.
- WHICH PRESENT TWO POSSIBILITY.
ONE: VICTIM TORE BUTTON FROM MURDERER JACKET DURING STRUGGLE.
OR? IT IS BUTTON FROM MY JACKET SLEEVE.
RIGHT.
TELL ME, MR.
HOO, DO ALL HAWAIIAN DETECTIVES WEAR WHITE SUITS? NO, I BEGAN TO WEAR WHITE SUIT IN HAWAII WHEN I WAS EMPLOYEE OF ICE CREAM FIRM.
WELL, THEY'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE.
( chuckles ) YOU SHOULD SEE MY CLEANING BILLS.
TELL ME, MR.
SMART, HOW YOU THINK MURDER WAS COMMITTED.
TWO POSSIBILITIES.
ONE: HE WAS KILLED BY A .
22-CALIBER PISTOL AT LONG RANGE BY A SHORT MAN WHO WAS A STRANGER TO HIM.
OR? HE WAS KILLED AT CLOSE RANGE BY A KNIFE USED BY A WOMAN HE KNEW WHO WAS OVER SIX FEET TALL.
AMAZING.
AH SO.
YOU FOUND SOMETHING, MR.
HOO? PERHAPS, MR.
SMART.
NOTICE PLEASE, ASHTRAY CONTAIN TWO CIGARETTES.
I SEE.
THEN THAT MEANS THAT THERE WAS SOMEONE HERE IN THE ROOM WITH THE VICTIM WHEN HE WAS KILLED.
PERHAPS EVEN THE MURDERER.
MOMENT PLEASE.
MOMENT PLEASE? ONCE AGAIN WORTHY CONTROL AGENT LEAP TO OBVIOUS CONCLUSION.
IF VICTIM WERE NON-SMOKER COULD HAVE BEEN TWO SMOKERS IN ROOM WITH HIM.
WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
PERHAPS TWO SMOKERS AND ONE NON-SMOKER.
MOMENT PLEASE.
MOMENT PLEASE? PERHAPS THERE WERE TWO SMOKERS AND TWO NON-SMOKERS.
PERHAPS TWO SMOKERS AND FOUR NON-SMOKERS.
THEN WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, MR.
HOO, IS THAT THERE COULD HAVE BEEN AS MANY 50 PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM WITH THE VICTIM WHEN HE WAS KILLED.
PROVIDING ONLY TWO OF THEM WERE SMOKERS.
EXACTLY.
BOY, IT MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY CROWDED IN HERE.
- MAX.
- OH, 99.
I TALKED TO ALL OF THE OTHER OCCUPANTS ON THE FLOOR AND THEY HEARD NO STRANGE NOISES, JUST THE USUAL RUNNING AND SHOOTING AND SCREAMING.
OH.
OH, 99, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MR.
HOO, THE FAMOUS HAWAIIAN DETECTIVE.
- HELLO.
- CHARMED.
HAVEN'T WE MET BEFORE IN HAWAII? DO YOU LIKE ICE CREAM? - NO.
- THEN I DON'T THINK WE'VE MET.
CHECK IN WITH CONTROL - AND TELL THEM WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING HERE.
- RIGHT, MAX.
WE'RE GONNA REMOVE THE BODY, SIR.
UH, MOMENT PLEASE.
MUCH CAN BE LEARNED FROM MAN BY WHAT HE CARRY ON PERSON.
PLEASE TO EXAMINE POCKETS, MR.
SMART.
WALLET HANDKERCHIEF COMB KEYS TO MY APARTMENT.
ONE MOMENT, MR.
SMART.
VICTIM HAD KEY TO YOUR APARTMENT IN HIS POCKET? OH.
YOU WANT ME TO SEARCH HIS POCKETS.
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING IN HIS POCKET BUT THIS HALF OF A LAUNDRY TICKET.
AH SO.
LAUNDRY TICKET TELL US SOMETHING.
PRESENT TWO POSSIBILITIES.
ONE: EITHER VICTIM WAS TRYING TO LOCATE MAN WITH OTHER HALF OF LAUNDRY TICKET, - OR-- - MOMENT PLEASE.
YOU MIND IF I TRY OTHER HALF OF POSSIBILITIES? PLEASE TO DO SO.
OR VICTIM ONLY TOOK HALF HIS LAUNDRY TO THE CLEANERS.
AMAZING.
HAS WEAPON BEEN CLEARED FOR PRINTS? THERE WERE NO PRINTS, SIR.
THE MURDERER MUST HAVE WORN GLOVES.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU MAY TAKE BODY NOW.
MR.
SMART, IT WOULD BE MOST INSTRUCTIVE IF WE RECONSTRUCT CRIME.
WILL YOU ASSIST ME, PLEASE? I'D BE MOST HAPPY TO, MR.
HOO.
JUDGING FROM ANGLE OF WOUND VICTIM WAS STANDING QUITE CLOSE TO ASSAILANT.
- LIKE SO.
- LIKE THIS.
I SUSPECT MURDERER WAS HOLDING KNIFE UP HIS SLEEVE.
LIKE THIS.
WHEN MURDERER WAS READY TO STRIKE - HE MERELY SLID OUT KNIFE - LIKE THIS.
- PULLED VICTIM CLOSE TO HIM WITH FREE ARM - LIKE THIS.
SEIZED THE KNIFE AND PLUNGED IT HOME.
LIKE THIS! SORRY ABOUT THAT.
AMAZING.
MAX, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE RIGHT ONE? ALL CHINESE LAUNDRIES LOOK ALIKE TO ME.
PLEASE, 99, THE ADDRESS WAS RIGHT ON THE BACK OF THE LAUNDRY TICKET WE FOUND ON THE BODY.
I'M NO HARRY HOO, BUT GIVE ME SOME CREDIT FOR SOME INTELLIGENCE.
WHERE IS HARRY HOO? I THINK HE GOT A LITTLE IRRITATED WHEN I TORE HIS COAT.
I GUESS HE WENT HOME TO CHANGE.
HMM, THAT'S FUNNY, 99.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT SHIRTS IN A CHINESE LAUNDRY? WELL, THESE LAUNDRY MARKS.
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A COMPLICATED SERIES OF NUMBERS ON A MAN'S SHIRT.
- YOU DON'T SUPPOSE - WHAT, MAX? SO, IT'S OUR OLD FRIEND THE CRAW.
NOT THE CRAW.
THE CLAW! - BOBO, TAKE THEIR WEAPONS.
- ONE MOVE AND I FIRE.
MR.
SMART, WHAT USE WOULD YOUR FLASHLIGHT BE AGAINST THIS? AT LEAST I CAN SEE WHO'S KILLING ME.
IT'S IN HER PURSE.
The Claw: THANK YOU, MR.
SMART.
WELL, HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS, 99? THE CRAW, ONE OF THE GREAT MASTER CRIMINALS OF ALL TIME WORKING IN A CHINESE LAUNDRY.
NO, MR.
SMART.
OPERATING A CHAIN OF CHINESE LAUNDRIES ACROSS THE NATION WHERE KAOS AGENTS RECEIVE AND PASS ON STOLEN INFORMATION.
A COMPLETE SPY NETWORK.
THE SPY NETWORK IS JUST A FRONT.
THE REAL MONEY IS IN THE LAUNDRY.
THE LESS HE KNOWS THE BETTER.
OF COURSE, MAX.
THE FORMULA FOR THE TRANQUILIZER BOMB IS IN THE LAUNDRY MARK.
EXACTLY.
WHERE NO IMMIGRATION OFFICER WOULD EVER LOOK.
THIS WAY, MR.
SMART.
THIS LAUNDRY IS THE END OF OUR PIPELINE.
AND NOW, MR.
SMART, YOU WILL TELL ME WHICH OF MY MEN IS KNOWN TO YOUR ORGANIZATION.
LIKE THE CARELESS LING HOW, HE MUST BE ELIMINATED.
YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME, CRAW.
YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYTHING OUT OF ME.
I THINK OUR MOST FITTING MEANS OF PERSUASION IS CLOSE AT HAND.
BOBO, THE PRESSING MACHINE.
SHOW HIM HOW IT WORKS, BOBO.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? NO STARCH, PLEASE.
BOBO, YOU MAY NOW PRESS MR.
SMART'S HEAD.
Hoo: MOMENT PLEASE.
OH, IT IS YOU, HOO.
WE MEET AGAIN, MR.
CRAW.
CLAW, NOT CRAW! CLAW! WELL, I SEE YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER.
HAVE FOLLOWED TRAIL OF THIS MAN FOR MANY YEARS.
HAVE COMPLETE FILE ON HIM LACKING IN ONLY ONE ITEM.
WHAT ITEM IS THAT? COMPLETE SET OF FINGERPRINTS.
HOW DID YOU KNOW WE WERE HERE? CALLED YOUR HOTEL AND GOT NO ANSWER.
HOW DID YOU KNOW TO LOOK FOR US HERE IN THE CHINESE LAUNDRY? WAS NOT LOOKING FOR YOU.
ALWAYS BRING MY SHIRTS HERE.
AMAZING.
SO YOU SEE, MR.
HOO, THAT'S HOW THEY DID IT.
FIVE DIFFERENT KAOS AGENTS EACH CARRYING A SHIRT FROM A KAOS LAUNDRY NEAR THE PENTAGON.
AND EACH SHIRT CONTAINING A PART OF THE FORMULA.
IN THAT WAY NONE OF THE KAOS AGENT COULD GO INTO BUSINESS FOR HIMSELF.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, 99, - I'D LIKE TO TELL THIS IN MY OWN WAY.
- RIGHT, MAX.
YOU SEE, MR.
HOO, IN THAT WAY NONE OF THE KAOS AGENTS COULD GO INTO BUSINESS FOR HIMSELF.
ANYWAY, THE TERMINAL WAS ALWAYS HERE AT THE CRAW'S LAUNDRY.
FROM HERE THE DATA WOULD GO OVERSEAS.
BUT TELL ME, MR.
HOO, HOW DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS MORE THAN JUST A SIMPLE MURDER? AH, IT IS TRULY WRITTEN, "EYES OF MIND NEVER SLEEP.
" YOUR HONORABLE SERVANT OBSERVE TWO THINGS THAT WERE MOST SUGGESTIVE.
TWO POSSIBILITIES, EH? WHAT WERE THEY, MR.
HOO? FIRST, PORCELAIN CAT WAS MISSING FROM USUAL SPOT ON MANTELPIECE.
SECOND, GARDENER HAD TRIMMED MAGNOLIAS.
OF COURSE.
THE PORCELAIN CAT.
IT'S ALL SO SIMPLE.
WHAT PORCELAIN CAT? SO SORRY, THAT WAS ANOTHER CASE.
IN THAT ONE GARDENER DID IT.
DON'T SUPPOSE THERE WAS GARDENER IN THIS CASE? NO.
WELL, ANYWAY, MR.
HOO, YOU CAME JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME.
THE CRAW WAS ABOUT TO SUBJECT ME TO THIS.
AH YES, CHINESE STEAM-PRESS TORTURE.
FIENDISH BUT EFFECTIVE.
AH! ALLOW ME TO OFFER OLD ORIENTAL SAYING-- ( speaks foreign language ) UH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? SORRY ABOUT THAT.
( theme music playing )