Rhoda (1974) s01e25 Episode Script

- MY NAME IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX, NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER LIKING THAT LIKED ME BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD, AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- OH, HI, RHODA.
- HI, ALICE.
OH.
JOE'S INSIDE, RIGHT? - NO, HE'S STILL OUT WORKING, BUT HE CALLED TO SAY HE'LL BE HERE PRETTY SOON.
- IT FIGURES.
WHEN I HAD THE ABSOLUTE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE AND I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HIM, HE'S NOT HERE.
- YEAH, BUT, RHODA, AT LEAST HE CALLED.
HE CALLED, HE CALLED.
I MEAN, MY EDDIE LEFT ME 3 1/2 YEARS AGO AND HE STILL HASN'T CALLED.
- ALICE, STOP.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR EX-HUSBAND AGAIN? - AH, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT, RHODA.
I CAN TAKE IT.
BECAUSE I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT SOME DAY EDDIE'S COMING BACK.
HE'LL GO THROUGH MY DOOR, GO TO HIS DRESSER, PUT ON HIS NYU SWEATSHIRT, TAKE ME IN HIS ARMS, AND SAY-- - WHERE YOU BEEN? I THOUGHT YOU WERE RIGHT BEHIND ME.
- RHODA, THERE ARE THREE RULES I LIVE BY.
I GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY, I HONOR MY PARENTS, AND I DON'T TAKE ANY CRAPOLA ABOUT MY EDDIE.
- OH.
I'M SORRY.
FORGIVE ME, FORGIVE ME, ALICE.
I JUST HAD SUCH A ROUGH DAY YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
THE FIRST THING THIS MORNING ON THE SUBWAY, 9:00, RIGHT? THIS OLD GUY, 80 YEARS OLD, WEARING A BUTTON SAYING, "KISS ME, I'M HOT" STARTS FOLLOWING ME FROM CAR TO CAR.
RIGHT? SINGING "MOON RIVER.
" - OHH.
OH, I LOVE THAT SONG.
- HEY, BABE, SORRY I'M LATE.
- OH, THERE HE IS.
JOE, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
- TODAY WAS THE BEST DAY WE EVER HAD IN THE JOB.
FOR SOME REASON EVERYTHING SEEMED TO FALL JUST THE RIGHT WAY.
- YEAH, DOWN.
- HI, JUSTIN.
THAT'S GOOD, YOU GUYS.
GOOD.
LISTEN, I GOT TO TELL YOU-- - ANYWAY, WE FINISHED TWO DAYS EARLY AND WE REALLY MADE A LO OF MONEY AND I FEEL TERRIFIC.
SO HOW WAS YOUR DAY? - COULDN'T BE BETTER.
JOYOUS, TERRIFIC, EXTREMELY FANTASTIC.
- AND IT'S GOING TO GE BETTER, BECAUSE, RHODA, STARTING TOMORROW YOU AND I ARE GOING TO TAKE A THREE-DAY VACATION.
- OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC, JOE! - WHERE DO YOU WANNA GO? - OH, SKIING IN VERMONT, HUH? - NOBODY'S GOING TO VERMONT.
THERE'S NO SNOW.
- GOOD, I'LL BE THE CUTEST ONE THERE.
- YOU KNOW MY IDEA OF A GREAT VACATION? JUST CHECK INTO THE BES HOTEL IN TOWN FOR A WEEKEND.
THEN JUST SETTLE IN, ORDER UP THE ROOM SERVICE, BREAKFAST IN BED, LOLLING AROUND, SIPPING CHAMPAGNE, WATCHING THE CITY LIGHTS BLINK.
- JUSTIN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE SO ROMANTIC.
DENISE WILL LOVE THAT.
- OH, DENISE CAN'T GO.
SHE'S GOT TO STAY HOME AND WATCH THE KIDS.
- SO, RHO, WHERE YA GONNA GO FOR YOUR BIG WEEKEND? - WE ARE MOTORING UP THE COAST.
- YEAH? - YEAH.
JOE'S OUT RENTING A CAR RIGHT NOW, BREN.
WE'RE GOING TO CAPE COD.
- OH, HOW WONDERFUL! - YEAH.
- YOU KNOW, THIS IS GOING TO BE A PRETTY BIG WEEKEND FOR ME, TOO.
- OH, YEAH? WHAT'S GOING ON? - WELL, THIS IS THE FIRST WEEKEND IN MY LIFE THAT I'M GONNA HAVE TWO CONSECUTIVE DATES, WITH TWO CONSECUTIVE GUYS.
DO YOU THINK I'M BECOMING PROMISCUOUS? - BRENDA, I CAN'T TELL YA HOW I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS.
- OH, ME, TOO! TONIGHT I'M GONNA GO SEE "THE TOWERING INFERNO.
" - YEAH? - AND THEN, TOMORROW NIGHT I'M GONNA GO SEE "THE TOWERING INFERNO.
" - TWICE? TWO NIGHTS THE SAME MOVIE? - WELL, THEY BOTH WANTED TO SEE IT.
THEY'RE FIRST DATES.
WHAT AM I GONNA SAY? THAT I'VE SEEN IT? WHICH I HAVE.
- OH, NO.
- YEAH.
- BRENDA.
- YES.
- BY SATURDAY MORNING I'M GONNA BE THE WORLD'S GREATEST EXPER ON MAJOR DISASTERS, AND I MAY NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MOVIE.
- STOP IT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- RHODA! YOU IN THERE? - YEAH, MA, COME ON IN.
- HELLO, DARLINGS.
- HI.
- HI, MA.
HOW'D YOU GET BY CARLTON? - NOT BY RHODA, OVER.
- MA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - WELL, I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, SO I THOUGHT I'D JUST COME AND VISIT RHODA ON THE NIGHT BEFORE SHE AND HER HUSBAND TAKE OFF FOR THEIR FIRST TRIP SINCE THE HONEYMOON.
- MA, WHY ARE YOU CARRYING YOUR KNITTING BAG? MA, COME ON, WHAT'S IN THE BAG? - NO, NO.
BEFORE WE GET INTO THIS NOW I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I THINK THIS IS A TERRIFIC THING YOU'RE DOING.
I THINK IT'S REALLY SWELL YOU'RE TAKING THIS TRIP.
SO I BROUGHT YOU AND JOE A LITTLE SOMETHING TO, UH, HELP REKINDLE.
- REKINDLE? WE'RE KINDLING JUST FINE, MA.
A FLANNEL NIGHTGOWN? MA, WHAT FOR? - DRIVES MEN CRAZY.
- UH, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? - IT'S MINE.
IT DRIVES YOUR FATHER WILD.
I ONLY WEAR IT ONCE A WEEK.
I MEAN, HOW MUCH CAN YOU TAKE OF A CRAZED ACCOUNTANT? - HIYA, JOE.
- YOU BETTER NOT DRIVE HIM WILD TOO EARLY.
- HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER? - I GOT SOME BAD NEWS ABOUT OUR TRIP.
- NO, NO, NO.
THERE IS NO BAD NEWS.
THERE IS NO BAD NEWS.
WE HAVE PROBLEMS, WE SOLVE THEM, WE CARRY ON.
NOW, WHAT IS THIS LITTLE PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE? - WELL, I FORGOT THAT IT'S MY WEEKEND TO HAVE DONNIE.
WE CAN'T GO AWAY.
- OH, MY GOD.
- LISTEN, YOU DON' HAVE TO STAY HOME.
DONNIE CAN STAY WITH ME.
HE'S DONE IT BEFORE.
- OH, GOOD, BRENDA, THAT'S GOOD.
- OH, NO.
MAYBE NOT SO GOOD.
I'VE GOT TWO DATES I'VE GOTTA GET READY FOR THIS WEEKEND.
I THINK DONNIE'S TOO YOUNG TO SEE A WOMAN IN PANIC.
- WELL, I GUESS WE CAN'T GO AWAY.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERYBODY IS IGNORING AN OBVIOUS SOLUTION.
I MEAN, THERE IS A MOTHER HERE.
SOMEONE WHO WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A LITTLE GUEST, MAKE HIS DINNER, FIX HIS ROOM.
OH, HE'LL HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME.
MAYBE I CAN EVEN REN A LITTLE DOG.
- MA, NO, NO.
THANK YOU.
- WHY NO? - I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO IT.
- NO, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO INTO IT.
GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY DONNIE CAN'T STAY WITH ME.
- WELL, MA--UM-- - NO, NO, TELL ME ONE GOOD REASON.
- UM - MA, LISTEN, MY DATE'S GONNA BE HERE PRETTY SOON.
I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO COME DOWN AND MEET HIM.
- YEAH, WELL, I'D LOVE THAT, BUT I THINK WE BETTER STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT FIRST.
TELL ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY-- - MA, YOU KNOW, KIND OF LOOK HIM OVER.
I MEAN, HE'S ONLY GONNA BE HERE FOR A FEW MINUTES.
- YEAH.
WELL, LET'S GE THIS STRAIGHT FIRST.
- OK, MA.
OK, I MEAN, HE'S NOTHING SPECIAL.
NO, HE'S JUST A REGULAR, HANDSOME GUY WITH A BRILLIANT FUTURE.
COULD BE BIG.
- I TELL YOU WHAT, WHEN YOU TWO GET THIS FIGURED OU IN YOUR MINDS, GIVE ME A BUZZ, I'LL BE DOWN IN HER APARTMENT.
WHERE DID YOU MEET THIS ONE? NEVER MIND, I'LL ASK HIM WHEN I SEE HIM MYSELF.
- DID YOU SEE WHAT MY LITTLE SISTER JUST DID FOR US? THE GIRL THREW HERSELF ON A LIVE GRENADE.
- WELL, I GUESS I'VE GOTTA DO WHA I'VE BEEN AVOIDING.
I'VE GOTTA CALL MARIAN AND ASK HER TO SWITCH WEEKENDS WITH ME.
- JOE, DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE THE ROOM? - NO.
- OH, GOOD.
- HELLO, MARIAN? HOW ARE YA? OH, NOTHING, I WAS JUS GONNA ASK YOU TO SWITCH WEEKENDS WITH ME.
OH, YOU WILL? IF I DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU? RHODA, DO YOU TAKE SHORTHAND? - RHODA, RHODA, WILL YOU HURRY UP? COME ON.
- OK, JOE, I'M HURRYING.
- CARLTON? - HELLO, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- CARLTON, THIS IS JOE GERARD, WE'RE GONNA BE DOWN IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES AND I HOPE YOU'RE WATCHING THAT CAR THAT I RENTED.
- I AM WATCHING THE CAR, AND SO ARE THREE OTHER GUYS.
THEY'RE ESPECIALLY WATCHING YOUR HUBCAPS.
- CARLTON, WILL YOU GO OU AND GET THEM AWAY FROM THERE? - SORRY, THE STREET IS OU OF MY JURISDICTION.
- CARLTON! COME ON! - HOLD IT.
YOU'RE IN LUCK.
THEY'RE GONNA STRIP MY CAR INSTEAD.
EXCUSE ME.
- OK, JOE.
I'M ALL PACKED.
I'LL BE READY IN JUST ONE MINUTE.
- GOOD, I WANNA CHECK THE LOCKS ON THE DOORS AND THE WINDOWS.
- GOOD.
AS SOON AS I FILL THE THERMOS, I'LL BE READY TO GO.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- OH, I'LL GET IT.
- SURPRISE! - MARY! - YES.
- OH, MARY! WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR? - THE WEEKEND.
- OH! - OH! OH, MARY! - OH, THE WEEKEND.
THE WHOLE WEEKEND? - THE WHOLE WEEKEND.
- OH, MARY! JOE! JOE, LISTEN, MARY'S HERE FOR THE WEEKEND! - I HEARD.
I HEARD.
- COME IN, COME IN.
OH, BOY, HOW-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN NEW YORK? - WELL-- - WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL? - WELL, I'LL TELL YOU.
I GOT IN TOWN A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO FOR THIS BROADCASTING CONVENTION, SEE, AND I WASN'T REALLY SURE I WAS GONNA HAVE THE TIME TO SEE YOU.
BUT, ANYWAY, I GOT THROUGH WITH ALL MY BROADCASTING STUFF AND SO HERE I AM! - OH, MARY, IT'S SO SENSATIONAL.
I CAN'T TELL YOU.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE REALLY HERE.
- ME NEITHER.
- ME EITHER.
- I MEAN, I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE, YOU KNOW.
BUT I THOUGHT, "WOULDN' IT BE FUN JUST TO POP IN ON RHODA AND JOE JUST TO SEE THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES?" AND LOOK AT THE LOOKS ON YOUR FACES.
I MEAN, RHODA, LOOK AT THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE! JOE, LOOK AT YOU! AHH.
- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, MARY.
- OH, AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS APARTMENT! RHODA, IT'S FANTASTIC! - OH, YEAH, IT'S A FAR CRY FROM THE PINK AND PURPLE PASSION PIT IN MINNEAPOLIS, RIGHT? - YES.
OH, BUT, RHODA, IT'S STILL YOU.
- UNFORTUNATELY.
- OH, STOP.
- SO, MARY, THE WHOLE WEEKEND, HUH? - YEAH, UH-HUH.
BOY, YOU GUYS ARE REALLY GONNA BE SICK OF ME, HUH? - NO, NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA BE SICK OF YOU.
- HEY, LISTEN, I JUS REALIZED SOMETHING.
I MEAN, I TOOK AN AWFUL CHANCE JUST BARGING IN.
YOU WEREN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING TONIGHT, WERE YOU? - NO, NO, NOTHING.
NOTHING.
- ALL RIGHT.
- I HAVE SAVED MONEY FOR THIS TRIP.
NOW, TONIGHT IS ON ME, YOU JUST PICK THE RESTAURANT.
JOE, WHAT'S THE BES PLACE YOU CAN THINK OF? - THE LOBSTER BARREL.
- TERRIFIC.
SEAFOOD! WHERE IS IT? - CAPE COD.
I'LL GO AND PUT THE CAR AWAY.
- JOE, NOW LISTEN-- - JUST FORGET IT, RHODA! JUST FORGET IT! - HEY, RHODA, DID I COME AT A BAD TIME? - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - WELL, JOE SEEMED A LITTLE UPSET.
- OH, THAT? OH, HE'S NOT MAD.
OH, MA-- OH, BOY, I GOTTA EXPLAIN IT.
IT'S JOE OFFBEA SENSE OF HUMOR, MARE.
HE'S DOING A BIT, LIKE THA YOU ARRIVED AT THE WORS POSSIBLE MOMENT.
YOU GET IT? I MEAN, HE'S PRETENDING LIKE WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT.
YEAH, YEAH.
AND THE PROBLEM IS, HE'S SO GOOD AT IT, EVERYBODY TAKES HIM SERIOUSLY.
EXCEPT FOR ME, I KNOW HE'S KIDDING.
AND I CAN'T GET MAD AT HIM BECAUSE IT'S SO HYSTERICALLY FUNNY.
- YEAH, IT IS! - YEAH.
- HYSTERICALLY FUNNY.
- SO, SO, COME ON, TELL ME EVERYTHING.
HOW'S LOU AND MURRAY AND TED AND PHYLLIS? - OH, FINE, FINE, FINE, AND YOU KNOW HER.
- OH, MARE, YOU LOOK SO FABULOUS.
- YOU, TOO.
- I AM SO-- - I CAN'T BE-- LISTEN, THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO ASK.
I'M GLAD JOE'S OUT OF THE ROOM.
- WHAT? - I CANNOT HELP NOTICING THAT YOU HAVE GOTTEN YOURSELF A NEW BODY, MARY.
SINCE MY WEDDING, YOU HAVE GONE FROM THIN TO VOLUPTUOUS.
WHAT DID YOU DO? - WELL, I GAINED 12 POUNDS.
- HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GAIN IT IN ONLY EROGENOUS ZONES? - OH, WILL YOU-- - IT'S TRUE.
- I DID NOT! I DID NOT! - IT'S TRUE.
- RHO! RHO, YOU STILL HERE? - OH, BRENDA? - YEAH.
- COME ON IN.
- I JUST WANTED TO SAY GOOD-- - BRENDA, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
MARY'S COME FOR THE WEEKEND.
WE'RE THRILLED ABOUT IT.
JUST SAY HELLO.
- HELLO, MARY.
- BRENDA.
- HI.
- GEE, YOU LOOK GREAT! HEY, YOU LOST SOME WEIGHT, DIDN'T YOU? - YEAH, 12 POUNDS.
- NO KIDDING! I GAINED 12.
- OH, BOY, FUNNY HOW MUCH BETTER THEY LOOK ON YOU THAN THEY DID ON ME.
SO, UH, MARY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN TOWN? - WELL, I GOT IN TOWN FOR A CONVENTION.
BUT NOW I'M FREE FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND.
- OH, HOW TERRIFIC FOR RHODA AND JOE! ARE YOU GONNA BE STAYING HERE WITH THEM? - OH, NO, I'M AT A HOTEL.
- WELL, THAT'S STUPID, MARE, COME AND STAY WITH US.
- NO, NO, I DON'T WAN TO BE IN YOUR WAY.
- THEN BE IN MY WAY.
SURE, IT'LL BE FUN.
LOOK WHAT FOUR YEARS OF BEING AROUND YOU DID FOR RHODA.
- OH.
- ALL RIGHT, MY DEAR, IF YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT.
OK, I'LL GO TO THE HOTEL AND GET MY STUFF.
- MARY, YOU SEE THIS? I'M LIVING UPSTAIRS FROM YOU AGAIN, KID.
- AH, YEAH.
- I JUST GOT A $25 PARKING TICKET! THAT'S ALL! - HE KILLS ME! THAT'S IT.
- THAT'S HIS SENSE OF HUMOR.
- YOU KNOW, IF WE WOULD'VE LEFT 10 MINUTES EARLIER, WE WOULD HAVE MISSED MARY AND BEEN ON OUR WAY TO CAPE COD RIGHT NOW.
- AND IF YOU HADN'T OVERSLEPT, WE COULD HAVE LEF AN HOUR EARLIER.
- HEY, DON'T PICK ON ME! IF YOU WOULD'VE TOLD MARY, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN ON OUR WAY NOW, RHODA.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MARY? - JOE, I COULDN'T TELL MARY THA SHE RUINED OUR WEEKEND PLANS.
DO YOU KNOW HOW SHE'D REACT IF SHE KNEW THAT? - OH, RHODA, COME ON! - JOE, I'M SERIOUS.
SHE'D BE EATEN UP BY GUILT.
SHE'D GO OFF THE DEEP END.
YEAH.
START DROWNING HER SORROWS IN MILK AND FIG NEWTONS.
[INDISTINCT.]
START SAYING THINGS LIKE, "GET OUT OF MY WAY!" AND "OH, YEAH!" - OH, RHODA.
- AND IT WOULDN' END THERE, JOE.
I MEAN, A COUPLE OF MONTHS WOULD GO BY AND MARY WOULD BE A DERELICT.
SURE, SHE'D BE DRINKING BEER AND PLAYING DARTS WITH THE BOYS.
CALLING "LOU, LOU," WEARING SWEATERS WITH FUZZ BALLS.
DO YOU WANT THAT ON YOUR CONSCIENCE, JOSEPH GERARD? BECAUSE I DON'T.
NO, SIR.
- WHAT I DO WANT IS FOR YOU TO TELL MARY THAT WE HAVE PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND.
- I CAN'T.
- IF YOU CAN'T TELL HER, THEN I WILL.
- NO, NO, NOBODY'S GONNA TELL HER ANYTHING.
NOW, COME ON, JOE, WE'RE TOUGHER, WE CAN TAKE IT.
- RHODA, I WANNA GO AWAY THIS WEEKEND WITH MY WIFE! - OH, DON'T START USING "MY WIFE" LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW I WANNA SCREAM WHEN YOU USE "WIFE" LIKE THAT.
- USE "WIFE" LIKE WHAT? WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE? - YOU KNOW WHA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THA POSSESSION THING, "MY WIFE.
" - WAIT A MINUTE, ARE YOU TELLING ME WHAT WORDS I CAN USE? - I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING THAT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL.
- BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE TO TELL ME WHAT WORDS TO USE, PARTICULARLY MY WIFE! [NO AUDIO.]
- HEY, YOU LOOK TERRIFIC! WHAT TIME DID YOU SAY YOUR DATE WAS PICKING YOU UP? - 7:30.
- WELL, AREN'T YOU A LITTLE EARLY? DID YOU KNOW THAT IT'S ONLY 6:30? - OH, I DID IT AGAIN! I PEAKED TOO EARLY.
[BUZZER.]
- YES, CARLTON? - YES, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
YOUR MOTHER'S ON HER WAY UP.
- OH, THANKS.
- SAY, I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD TALK TO THE HO NUMBER UP THERE? - UH, MARY, I BELIEVE IT'S FOR YOU.
- YEAH.
JUST - HELLO? - HI.
YOU WANNA GO OUT SOMETIME? - WHAT? - WELL, YOU'RE NEW IN TOWN, YOU'RE LOOKING FOR FUN.
HOW ABOUT IT? WILL YOU MEET ME AT 7:30? - NO, I WILL NOT MEET YOU AT 7:30.
- WHEN THEN? - NEVER.
- SEE YOU THEN.
- MARY, DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO HIM.
HE'S WEIRD.
- I'LL SAY.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I CAME IN, HE THREW HIS COAT DOWN FOR ME TO WALK OVER.
- OH, WAS HE IN IT AT THE TIME? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
- MARY! - MRS.
MORGENSTERN! - IT IS WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU! - GOOD TO SEE YOU! - AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD ABOUT NOT COMMUNICATING OR WRITING TO ME SINCE THE WEDDING.
- OH, MRS.
MORGENSTERN.
I KNOW.
IT'S JUST THAT I GOT, YOU KNOW, REALLY BUSY, AND I JUST--I HAVEN'T-- I'M JUST WELL, I JUST FEEL TERRIBLE.
- AH, THAT'S NICE.
BRENDA, I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO MARY ALONE.
- MA, DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THA YOU JUST WALKED INTO MY HOUSE AND ORDERED ME OUT WITHOU EVEN A "PLEASE, EXCUSE ME"? - BRENDA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SHOWING OFF IN FRONT OF MARY? - MA, I'M RIGHT.
AREN'T I RIGHT? - SHE DOES HAVE A POINT, MRS.
MORGENSTERN.
- YOU PUT ON A FEW POUNDS, HAVEN'T YOU, MARY? BRENDA, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY IF WE'VE INCONVENIENCED YOU BY BEING HERE.
PERHAPS WE COULD GO INTO THE ELEVATOR AND STOP BETWEEN FLOORS AND TALK.
- CONGRATULATIONS, MA.
YOU JUST MADE ME FEEL LIKE AN INTRUDER IN MY OWN HOUSE.
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY, BRENDA.
THIS IS YOUR HOME AND I'M JUST A GUEST.
- GEE, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU! - AH, YES, IT IS.
- COME ON.
SIT DOWN.
- OK.
TELL ME, MARY, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING? - OH, PRETTY GOOD.
- YEAH? - I'M A PRODUCER NOW.
OF COURSE, I'M DOING PRETTY MUCH THE SAME STUFF I DID WHEN I WAS JUST THE ASSOCIATE PRODUCER, YOU KNOW, BUT, STILL--I MEAN, I REALLY LOVE IT.
YOU KNOW, I DO.
I LOVE THE SOUND OF IT-- MARY RICHARDS, PRODUCER.
- YOU'RE WRECKING RHODA'S MARRIAGE.
WHY DO WE HAVE THIS TROUBLE COMMUNICATING? I SAID YOU'RE WRECKING RHODA'S MARRIAGE.
- HOW AM I DOING THIS? - WELL, I CAN'T TELL YOU BECAUSE EVERYBODY HAS MADE ME PROMISE I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU.
- BUT I AM WRECKING RHODA'S MARRIAGE? - MM-HMM.
- IN A WAY THAT YOU CAN'T TELL ME ABOUT.
- YOU GOT IT, MARY.
SO CUT IT OUT.
- CUT WHAT OUT? - I AM NO SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU.
- WELL, THEN I CAN'T HELP YOU, CAN I? - WELL, THEN, WE'RE AT A STANDSTILL BECAUSE I--I NEVER BREAK MY WORD AND I PROMISED THEM THA I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU.
- "YOU SPOILED RHODA AND JOE'S VA--" - AH, IT'S OUT OF INK.
- I SPOILED RHODA AND JOE'S VA - KAY.
- VAYKAY.
- RIGHT.
- VAYKAY.
- TION.
- TION.
VACATION.
VACATION.
I SPOILED RHODA AND JOE'S VACATION! I DID? - IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP A SECRET THESE DAYS.
- OHH! - BRENDA, HOW COULD YOU LEAVE MARY DOWN THERE ALONE WITH MA? YOU KNOW SHE'S GONNA TELL HER.
- RHODA, WHAT COULD I DO? MA FORCED ME OU OF MY OWN APARTMENT.
I ONLY HOPE HER TALK DOESN'T TAKE TOO LONG BECAUSE MY DATE'S DUE SOON.
- SO HE'LL WAI FOR YOU, KID.
- I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S A BLIND DATE.
HE'S NEVER SEEN ME.
AND IF I'M NOT THERE, HE'S GOING TO WALK IN AND HE'S GOING TO SEE MARY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THEM WHEN THEY GET EXCITED.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- RHODA! - HI, MARE.
- RHODA, THERE IS SOMETHING TERRIBLE GOING ON HERE.
- MY DATE MUST BE HERE.
- DAMN IT, RHODA! I THOUGHT YOU AND I WERE BEST FRIENDS! - WE ARE, MARE! - THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU AND JOE WERE GOING AWAY ON A VA-KAY-TION? - WHAT? - VACATION.
- OH, COME ON, RHODA, WHY DON'T YOU EXPLAIN IT TO MARY? - I MEAN, RHODA, COME ON, WHEN YOU'RE CLOSE TO SOMEBODY, THEN YOU CAN TELL THEM ANYTHING.
- I DON'T KNOW WHA TO SAY TO YOU, KID.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
- YOU BET SHE'S RIGHT.
AND NOT JUST RIGHT, THIS IS THE CHAMPIONSHIP OF RIGH WE'RE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT HERE.
- I GUESS I HAVE TO LEARN WHEN YOU'RE CLOSE TO SOMEBODY, YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST.
WHAT AM I SAYING? I KNOW THAT.
THE TRUTH IS I DIDN' TELL THE TRUTH.
I WAS TRYING TO BE KIND AND CONSIDERATE AND NICE, INSTEAD OF SAYING WHA I REALLY WANTED TO DO THIS WEEKEND.
MARY, I'M SORRY.
I WAS WRONG.
AND I MUST CORREC IT RIGHT NOW.
JOE, I WANT TO SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH MARY.
- WHAT? - YEAH.
- RHODA? NO, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO WITH JOE.
UH - JOE, LISTEN, I KNOW THIS ISN' TERRIFIC FOR YOU TO HEAR, BUT I SEE YOU ALL THE TIME AND I NEVER GET TO SEE MARE.
I'M SORRY I DIDN' TELL YOU BEFORE.
I WAS AFRAID.
I MEAN, BUT WE CAN HAVE A WEEKEND TOGETHER ANY TIME AND WHO KNOWS WHEN I'LL SEE MARY AGAIN.
- OK, OK, RHODA, I'M GOING DOWNSTAIRS AND I'M GOING TO CATCH THE FIRST PLANE - BACK TO MINNEAPOLIS.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT! - JOE, I AM SO SORRY.
- NO, NO, NO, DON'T BE SORRY! JOE, YOU UNDERSTAND THIS! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? - WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE TOLD ME THIS THIS MORNING? - YOU WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD? - NO, I WOULD HAVE BEEN MAD AS HELL, BUT I WOULD'VE BEEN OVER IT BY NOW.
I'M GOING OUT FOR A WHILE.
- JOE, ARE YOU OK? - I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A WHILE.
- OH, RHODA, I FEEL JUST TERRIBLE! - IT'S OK, IT'S OK! - NO, IT'S NOT.
- SURE IT IS.
- COMING IN HERE UNANNOUNCED.
- IT'S FINE.
IT'S NO PROBLEM! - RUINING YOUR PLANS FOR A VACATION.
- NO, YOU DIDN'T RUIN A THING.
- NOT ONLY THAT, BUT CAUSING A FIGHT - YOU DIDN'T CAUSE A FIGHT.
- BETWEEN YOU AND JOE.
YES, I DID.
- WHAT YOU DON' UNDERSTAND, MARY, IS THIS IS GOOD FOR A MARRIAGE.
- IT IS? - I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
- HEY, YOU KNOW, THIS IS GONNA BE A FUN WEEKEND AFTER ALL.
DONNIE AND I HAVEN'T BEEN FISHING IN OVER A YEAR.
- AH, JOE, SAY HELLO TO DONNIE FOR ME, WILL YA? AND, LISTEN, YOU, I'LL MISS YOU.
I WILL.
- OH, AND MARY, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- OH, THANKS, JOE.
IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
- AND, LISTEN, COME BACK REAL SOON, AND I MEAN THAT.
ONLY, MARY, NEXT TIME-- - UH, CALL FIRST.
- CALL FIRST.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- WHO IS IT? - THIS IS CARLTON AT YOUR DOOR.
- OH, OOH! I ASKED CARLTON, YOU KNOW, TO COME UP AND HELP YOU DOWN TO THE CAR WITH YOUR STUFF.
- OH, THANKS, BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE ABLE TO MANAGE BY MYSELF.
- OH, OK.
NEVER MIND, CARLTON, HE'LL DO IT HIMSELF.
- YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE EVER SEEN YOUR APARTMENT.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN? - IS THERE A TIP IN IT FOR ME? - NO!