The Wild Wild West (1965) s01e25 Episode Script

So, your husband went to the ranch with this man, Wolfe, and never came back.
He said if I didn't hear from him, I should come to you.
He said you were old friends.
Enrique is a good man.
We've worked together before.
What business did he have with this man, Wolfe? He was just made commander of the Mexican military post in Mexicali.
It had something to do with that, I'm sure.
Thorald Wolfe ex-Army major top-notch ordnance man cashiered out of the Army for taking bribes.
He's interested in Mexican forces on the border.
Well, he's gone.
He's long gone.
That's an interesting gun he had, huh? Very.
Fires explosive bullets.
Can't buy a gun like that at your friendly neighborhood pawnbroker.
Whoever came up with a gun like that isn't friendly.
Oh, boy the cleaning woman is going to hate us for this.
What happened? Nothing to be concerned about.
Oh, just a visitor.
We get them dropping by all the time.
Mrs.
Leon, do you know what dealings your husband had with this man, Wolfe? He once said something about betrayal a lot of money.
Enrique would never betray his country! Yet he went to meet Wolfe.
Where? Wolfe has a ranch near Jacumba.
I'm afraid, señor! Even now, my Enrique could be dead.
As we remember your husband, señora, he'd take a lot of killing.
Can you use a gun? I know how.
That bullet was meant for you.
I'm going to send you back to Mexicali with Artemus.
You stay out of sight.
If you have to use it.
No I want to help my husband.
I understand how you feel.
If you really want to help your husband, you'll do exactly as I tell you to.
From now on, it's man's work.
Sometimes a woman can do a man's work better than a man.
Maybe, but not this time.
Señora Leon? Explosive bullets.
Take an awfully good ordnance man to design a gun like that.
I've got an idea.
If Wolfe is interested in Enrique, who's only a captain, what would he do if he had a Mexican officer of higher rank to deal with? I've always wanted to be a general.
Be modest; be a colonel.
How do you like that? I'm not in the Army ten seconds and I'm busted already.
What about you? First we hear that Wolfe's hiring men that don't mind using a gun.
What about those men that were broken out of the Army stockade last week? You think he's behind that thing, too? Those are the kind of men he's been hiring.
Washington sent us here to find out about them.
I think Washington would be interested in knowing that he's making deals with Mexican officers, too.
Then you do think he's behind those prisoner outbreaks.
There's a good chance that prison camp raid was organized by a military man.
Carried out like a cavalry raid.
It all ties up with Wolfe renegade soldier, ex-career Army man, freebooter.
Mr.
West! Say, that was some shooting! Actually, I was aiming at your ears.
I don't know how I missed.
Here.
They did a fine job.
Dick, remind me to get a different photographer.
I don't have bags under my eyes.
Only $500 reward? I'm worth more than that.
Mr.
West, are you sure you don't need any help? I'm available.
Take it easy.
Your turn will come.
Robert Crandell.
Robbery, murder, escaped from federal territorial prison, Yuma.
They posted? Yeah, all over California, Arizona, New Mexico and Nevada.
I think I posted most of them myself.
I could use a new thumb.
Or a smaller hammer.
Hey, what about Mr.
Gordon? Artemus can take care of himself.
Yeah, but if he gets caught in Mexico, masquerading as a Mexican officer, won't he get in real trouble? Hmm.
He gets fat on trouble.
You worried? Well, we were taught in training to be very careful about international incidences.
Oh, don't worry about it, Dick.
With any luck, I should be in with Wolfe by tomorrow morning.
Wolfe is hiring men.
He's not too particular about their moral character.
Do you know why he's hiring them? That's what I intend to find out.
Gee, Mr.
West, I sure wish I could go along with you.
My next assignment, there may be pretty girls involved.
If there are, Richard, I'll take you with me.
Now you take care of yourself.
And, Richard, watch that thumb.
What's the matter with you? You want to get run over? What do you want? I asked you a question! Where's Wolfe? Are you crazy, riding in here big as life? Now I'm going to ask you a question.
I asked you, "Where's Wolfe?" What do you want Wolfe for? Heard he was hiring.
Hiring who? What do I look like, stupid? A ribbon clerk? You look like a man hunting trouble.
I heard there was work here- big work and big money.
You don't look like big money to me.
I'll find Wolfe myself.
Why, you, I'll knock you Hold it! I'm going to kill him.
Ah, shut up! Robert Crandell I don't care who he is! He can't push me around.
Yeah, well, I think he did pretty well.
Worth $500 dead.
He must be worth a lot more alive.
Crandell Yeah, that's my name.
You sent for me? Well, I don't know.
Who are you? Do you always rub people the wrong way, Crandell? I'm Wolfe.
Yeah, I wanted to see you.
You don't look like a foolish man.
What did you want to see me about? I heard you were hiring.
And I am, but, uh I like to know who the people are that I'm hiring.
Were you in the Army? Union Army.
Did you like it? Are you crazy? Most of us here are Army men, and we like the Army way.
I've got my own way.
Well, I'm sure you have, but the question is can you be valuable to me? Try me.
Very well.
Sergeant Bender.
Shoot him! Very good.
What if I wasn't so very good? Sergeant Bender would have shot you.
What do you think, Sergeant? He's good.
He's real smooth.
Now, if he can use that gun Oh, he can use the gun, all right.
I know all about Mr.
Crandell's record.
He's a bushwhacker, a backstabber, and a very fast gun for sale, aren't you, Mr.
Crandell? A man has to make a living.
And if I hire you, you'll make a very good living on my terms, you understand.
You're doing the talking.
Well, we run things on a military basis, Mr.
Crandell.
Very strict military discipline.
And if anybody breaks the rules, they are dealt with most severely.
All right, you've got your own way of doing things.
All I want to know is what's in it for me.
Power, Crandell.
Power.
Glory.
Wealth.
A portion of destiny.
A whole new world.
A great and important project.
And I need men with daring.
I need men who aren't afraid of great visions.
Are you that kind of a man, Mr.
Crandell? I'm a good gun.
If there's money in it, then I'm interested.
Fair enough.
We'll give you a chance.
Sergeant Mr.
Crandell is to have the freedom of the post on a probationary basis, of course.
Yes, sir.
Just a minute.
What is this big deal I'm being cut in on? You'll know with the other new men within an hour.
At that time, I will tell you all I wish you to know.
Carry on, Sergeant.
What about my gun? Pick it up at charger quarter's office.
Look around, get acquainted.
Play your cards right, and you'll get along.
Step out of line and you're in big trouble.
Just like the Army, huh? Just like this Army.
Those the new repeating models? Right off the assembly line.
Señor Wolfe.
Permit me, eh? Colonel Hernando del Valle Santiago y Sandoval.
It's a pleasure to meet such a practical man, Colonel.
But, uh, your little proposition appealed to the romanticist in me as well as to the economist, no? When your, uh, representative came to see me, I said to myself, "There is a man after my own heart.
" Then you understand everything.
Perfectly and I am delighted.
Shall we, uh, go inside? Of course.
Hey, Crandell.
Hold it.
You know, it's time for your briefing.
What if I don't like what I hear? Then I'm afraid you got big trouble.
Come on.
Sit down.
Sit down, gentlemen.
This is Colonel Sandoval, Inspector General of the northern border of the Army of Mexico.
Colonel Sandoval has promised us complete cooperation.
In what? I'm getting to that, Crandell.
Now, when you new men joined me, you said you had plenty of guts.
Well, you're going to need every ounce.
You men are going to assist me in the military conquest and occupation of Baja California.
Rich.
Untouched.
Undeveloped.
Populated by friendly Indians undefended.
It's all there for the taking, gentlemen, if anybody has the guts to take it.
And we have that! And what's the Mexican Army going to do? Just stand by while we walk in and take over? I think I am best qualified to answer that, Señor Wolfe.
Oh, thank you, Colonel.
Please do.
Yes, my friend, the Mexican government is indeed going to stand by and do nothing.
In the interior of Mexico, the Yaqui Indians are in revolt.
Revolucion has broken out in Chiapas, Sonora, Michohuacan.
It will be months before the central government can move against us.
By that time, we will be secure behind our fortifications.
Baja will be ours! And after that who knows what can be accomplished by brave and ruthless men.
Thank you, Colonel.
You catch on quickly.
Sergeant, will you take over, please? Thank you, sir.
Gentlemen, there are 200 men standing by in Ensenada, waiting to take over the port.
One word from Mr.
Wolfe, and the port's ours.
That word will come very soon.
Here's where we attack.
We cross the border at Mexicali, Tecate, Tijuana with only scattered forces to oppose us.
Most of whom, thanks to me, will be on maneuvers at the crucial hour.
What happens then? You've got the imagination of a clam.
A nation of men like us? Who take what we want when we want it? We write our own ticket.
We make our own rules.
The fighting probably won't be as hard on you as the celebrating after you've taken it.
And while all this is going on, President Grant will be playing Tiddlywinks with the American Army, right? You're one of the smart ones, aren't you? I keep trying.
Well, Grant won't do anything.
Mexico doesn't like gringos meddling in their affairs.
We attack.
The American Army might as well be playing Tiddlywinks as try to stop us.
We take Baja California! With the aid of, uh, Colonel Sandoval, of course.
Of course.
Now, you men will get your individual assignments from Sergeant Bender.
Colonel, uh, would you join me outside, please? I have a few things I'd like to show you.
It's a big project.
You think we can get away with it? Can't miss.
Get outside.
Of my own design, Colonel.
Ah Are you a, uh, weapons expert? I was the best ordnance man the Union Army ever had, only they didn't know it.
But they'll know it soon.
Simple, isn't it? Makes an artillery man out of an infantryman.
I would be very much interested to see it work.
Oh? Crandell! Yes? Here, see how good a shot you really are.
Cute.
It's far from cute.
There's a weather vane over there.
See if you can hit it.
In which eye? Just hit it.
Fantastico.
It's a pretty good piece.
I could have used this in the old days.
You'll be using one like this very soon.
That was quite a good shot.
I could have hit it with a brick.
Hey, if all your men can shoot as good as this one, eh What is your name, señor? Crandell.
Bob Crandell.
Hmm.
If I had an army of men such as this, if I had only 200, I could take Baja California by myself.
Yes, Colonel, but I have the men.
And my cooperation, no? Which will make it that much easier for me.
Of course.
Oh, one more thing, Señor Wolfe.
You know, sooner or later, my government's armies will move against you.
It will take time, but they cannot just stand by.
Of course not.
I'll be expecting them with, uh, some surprises.
Oh, you better watch this, too, Crandell.
You've been asking a lot of questions.
Maybe the Turtle will answer them for you.
Gatling gun four-pound field piece quarter-inch armor plate.
Rifle bullets will bounce right off it.
Now I send a dozen of these to deploy along the Colorado River.
What does your army do when it runs up against them? They will probably run a lot, señor.
Your own invention, Mr.
Wolfe? All mine.
Built by the finest armorers in Europe who came to join up with me.
You see, my vision attracts all kinds of men.
I prefer money.
Visions aren't spendable.
This is where the money is.
You're a clod, Crandell.
A fast gun who can't think past his next drink.
I can see the vision, señor.
First, Baja California, then Mexico, then all of Central America, huh? All the old empire of the Conquistadores.
Ah, yes but the Conquistadors were not armed as we will be.
Yes.
Think I'm crazy, eh, Crandell? You may get lucky.
It won't be luck.
Go on about your business.
A little military discipline will do you some good.
Ah! It inspires me, Señor Wolfe.
A weapon like this, and a rifle like that.
Why stop at Baja California? Why not all Mexico, immediately, eh? A child must learn to crawl before he can walk, Colonel.
True.
But the day will come.
Marvelous! Oh, you must give me Sinaloa, eh? I know a hacienda there.
It would make a perfect palace for the Governor.
And the most beautiful women in the world come from Sinaloa.
You must visit me.
You will be my guest, eh? Why, of course, Governor.
You can count on it.
Good, good.
Hey, Bender, what do I do now? Join that work party over there.
Lend a hand loading them crates.
I didn't sign up to be a laborer.
You signed up to take orders.
Now do what I told you.
Who's that? Name's Crandell.
Escaped from the Yuma Territorial a week ago.
Crandell? Doesn't ring a bell, but he sure looks familiar.
Probably ran across him someplace, maybe in the Army.
No, not that long ago.
Somewhere.
Well, come on, we got more important things to worry about.
Now, listen.
You send ten men across at Achour, armed with an X-2 rifle and grenades.
Right, we take the outpost, then That's it.
What's it? That guy's wife.
That's where I've seen that other guy before- they were in that railroad car together.
Come on! You, Crandell! Kill that man! He's a spy! Hold it! Hold it! What's this all about, Sergeant? Crandell, sir- he's a spy.
Are you sure? Holfield saw him the other night when he tried to silence that Leon woman.
No doubt about it? Positive identification, sir.
Well, that was quite a mistake, Mr.
Whatever- your-name-is.
Win a few, lose a few.
A spy in your own headquarters? That is very sloppy work, Señor Wolfe.
Oh, that'll be easily remedied.
Why? What are you going to do with him? What does one do with a spy? Shoot him, of course.
Of course.
Looks like your days as a filibusterer are at an end, Señor.
I don't like the hours anyhow.
Lock him up! I got caught with my plans on, that's all.
It's ridiculous- the whole crackpot idea.
No, it isn't.
He can do it.
Take over Baja California? Who's going to stop him? I have 20 men in my post in Mexicali, seven more at Tecate, That's not the kind of forces you can rely on to stop an invasion.
What about the rest of the Mexican Army? Wolfe is right.
The Army is fighting the Yaquis.
Could be months before we could get a force organized to move against Baja California.
Well, we're not going to stop him from in here.
How do they feed you? They open the door, then slide it in at the bottom.
They ever take you out for exercise, questioning? Never.
I've been in here since Wolfe found out I was against him.
He doesn't need me anymore.
He's got a colonel now.
We've got a colonel.
That's Artemus.
Gordon? Wolfe believes him? You know Art; he's got winning ways.
You got a visitor, Leon.
Don't try anything stupid, Crandell.
Ah, Captain Leon.
What do you want, traitor? The caged rat would do well not to snarl at the tiger, eh? I want your signature, Captain Leon, for the sake of the record.
You will never get it.
I don't need it, of course.
My own signature would suffice.
But I think it would look better for the record if the order sending the border posts out on maneuvers came from their regular commander.
You will carry out your treachery without my help.
I simply want in all ways to keep the confidence of my troops.
Forget it, Colonel.
Most uncooperative.
What do you intend to do with young captain? He'll be shot.
They both will.
When? Tomorrow morning.
Sad.
Such young men.
But it's always the young ones who are the most foolish, no? I couldn't say.
A little explosive Artemus developed.
But just getting out won't solve anything.
It'll be a start.
But what then? Can you operate a Gatling gun? Of course.
Then maybe we can give them a run for their money.
But you need a fuse for that.
Now all we need is the proper moment.
Tomorrow, then? Precisely at dawn, if that gives you time enough.
I certainly hope so, eh? Then Ensenada will be ours by 8:00.
The border posts, if you do what you say you can, by 10:00.
I promise you action, my friend.
Lots of it, eh? Adios.
You trust him? I don't trust any man I can buy that easily, but I'm sure he'll give the right orders.
What then, after we take over? I think we'll be able to dispense with his services permanently.
A little libation, Sergeant, in honor the occasion? Glad to, Mr.
Wolfe.
I've, uh I've been wondering, Mr.
Wolfe Wondering what? The reason.
The real reason you're doing this.
A wolf is born to hunt.
You put a wolf in a cage he can't hunt.
He dies.
I'm a soldier, Sergeant, just like you.
And, of course, it's a good way of getting back at the government for what they did to you.
Oh, no, no, no, you're wrong.
I don't hold that against them.
I was clumsy.
I took a bribe and I got caught.
I would have court-martialed myself if I had been them.
Oh, but they were fools- kicking you out of the Army- a man with your talents.
A man of my talents cannot be held by protocol and regulations.
I have to make my own rules, Sergeant, and I will.
I'll have my own nation run according to my own rules.
You know what that means? I have some idea.
You're thinking of the thousands of good men throughout the world who are on the run.
An army of them looking for a place to hide.
Well, I'll give it to them as long as they follow my rules.
Criminals revolutionaries, desperate men.
Oh, what an army they'll make.
Of course, there'll be a discipline problem.
The French Foreign Legion doesn't have any trouble.
They whip the toughest of men into line, and I can do the same.
My legions 10,000 desperate men.
First we take Baja California.
Then we have all of Latin America at our feet.
Makes a soldier's mouth water, doesn't it, Sergeant? Oh, I'll drink to that.
How'd you ever get mixed up in this? I'm not proud of it.
Why? Well, in my army these, uh, border posts are the end of the world.
When you are assigned to one of them, ha, you know you just stay there and decay.
Mexico City forgets all about you.
And you're an ambitious man, right? Anything wrong with ambition? No not unless that ambition gets you into trouble.
And it got me into trouble, all right.
Wolfe contacted me.
He didn't come right out and tell me what he had in mind.
Hinted around.
He said he was looking for a man who would cooperate if the price was right.
Was the price right? Governorship of Baja California.
And I was bitter.
Sure, I'd spend the rest of my career a forgotten captain commanding a forgotten post.
I decided to talk to him.
That doesn't explain how you ended up in jail.
I should have seen it coming.
Wolfe told me everything, and I just couldn't do it.
I had my moment of weakness, but it went away.
I, uh turned him down.
Why didn't you go along with him? I couldn't.
My country may have forgotten me, but I haven't forgotten my country.
I would've been surprised if you had.
Well, that's that.
How do you set it off? We don't have a match between us.
A little help from the sun, we should start off with a bang.
Got a piece of paper? Nothing.
They took everything.
There's nothing in the cell that will burn, either.
Mad money.
That looks like a a $100 bill? Can you change it? Well, I always did want money to burn.
When do we do it? Whenever it's right.
Whenever they're busy doing something else.
You seem uneasy, Sergeant.
Oh, I always get a few butterflies the day before we jump off.
Oh.
Well, I have a little job for you.
Maybe it'll calm your nerves.
Certainly, Mr.
Wolfe.
The prisoners- Captain Leon and Crandell- can't very well leave them behind when we jump off, now, can we? No, sir.
I want you to form a firing squad.
Take them out and shoot them.
Now, sir? Right now! Yes, sir.
Higgin, Foster, you two men get your rifles and follow me.
If ever I saw a firing squad What's up, Sarge? Just a little light extermination before dinner.
Snap to.
We're going to be having visitors.
We've come to have a party.
Everybody gather 'round.
Oh, we've got good wine, fine brandy Well, are there no red-blooded men here? Doesn't anybody want a drink? There we are! That's my wife! Keep quiet.
But she could get hurt.
That's my friend with her.
He won't let anything happen to her.
We wanted a break- this is it.
Hey, Sarge, we can't shoot those prisoners on a parched gullet.
How about letting us get some of that? Uh-uh, Mr.
Wolfe said that we have Sure, sure, but he didn't know about the dames and the liquor.
Just stand by a minute.
Stand by? They're going to drink it all up.
Come on.
Sergeant, what is all this? They just showed up, sir.
Shall I throw them out? No, no, let them stay.
Our men go into action tomorrow.
Letting them have some fun right now might not be bad psychology.
Besides, uh I might join them myself a little later.
Yes, but what about the prisoners, sir? They'll keep, Sergeant.
Enjoy yourself.
Yes, sir.
The finest vintages in all California.
And when these are gone, there's more from my cantina just across the valley, gentleman.
These are just a sample.
There you are.
Everybody dance! Dance and drink and laugh! Ah, who knows what may happen tomorrow? Brandy! I have the finest brandy here.
Who wants it, eh? I'll take it.
Ah! Get back against that wall.
When it blows, move fast.
Get going! Get him! Get those men! Hurry! Get them out of the Turtle! Get that Gatling gun going.
Aim for the gun ports! Sergeant, get the X-2.
For every hole I have to put into the Turtle, I'll put a dozen into their mangy hides.
We've been hit.
It's no good.
He stopped us.
This thing'll protect us from regular bullets, but not from those.
Keep firing.
I got to get Wolfe.
I can't get a shot at him.
One of these hit all that dynamite, the whole place would blow up.
Look out! Wait a minute! Whoa! Captain Leon, you can come out now.
It looks like we've won ourselves a war.
Now you can lead your army, Mr.
Wolfe, to the Federal prison.
To the lovely lady that showed up at the right time with all the right equipment.
Well, thank you very much.
Not you.
The other lovely lady.
Oh.
Although I must admit, you were convincing.
I'll take that as a compliment to my many talents.
Otherwise, I'd have to belt you in the mouth.
Corida, you should not have done it.
You could have been hurt.
I had to do something.
I was worried about you.
Even after we said we were going after him? I'm disappointed in you.
Is that all the faith you have in us? But I told her absolutely she should stay out of it.
A woman's place is to obey her husband.
And aren't you glad I didn't? Well, if you're going to be practical about it Of course, much of the credit goes to the grand old lady of the Secret Service- Artemus Gordon.
You're never going to let me live that down, are you? No, I have no intention of it.
Okay, go ahead, laugh, laugh, but who was it that went out with three beautiful women? Me.
And didn't we have a good time Say, I just thought of something.
I wonder what those two other girls are doing tonight.
Now you're thinking, Artemus.
I know exactly what they're doing tonight.
What? They're staying home with their husbands.
Any more suggestions, Artemus? Yes.
Soup's getting cold.