8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter s01e26 Episode Script

I'd appreciate it if you guys could stay off the phone for awhile.
There are gonna be a lot of women calling me.
- Calling you what? Geek? - Perv? - Freak? - Loser? Not anymore.
I got a part in the Spring play.
You're looking at Lord Fancourt Babberly.
Is that Charley's Aunt? Yeah, I read that in high school.
Yeah, everybody reads that in high school.
Did you read it, Rory? I glanced at it.
The point is, the drama club has five girls for every guy.
I'm gonna be in with the ladies.
- You sure are.
- What? Well, it's about a guy who has to impersonate his elderly Spanish aunt.
- So? - And you play that guy.
So? So, you spend most of the play in a dress.
I knew that.
- Rory.
In a play.
In a dress.
- We are so there.
No! Dad, Mr.
Doyle's not gonna go away.
Shh! If he hears you, the last six minutes have been for naught! Dad, you wanna get that? OK.
- Hey, neighbor.
- Fred.
What's up? Well, it's pancake breakfast time.
And don't worry, this year, we'll remember to cook the sausages.
How you doing, girls? Fred, you're still a Pioneer Ranger? But your boy's been in college for two years.
Well, you never leave the Pioneers, Paul.
As a matter of fact, the day that Donny made Trail Chief, I'm not ashamed to say, I cried like a baby.
You know, you and Rory ought to give it a shot.
Dad, take a look at this! People! He's in a play.
Yeah, well, I'm a Pioneer Ranger, Paul, not a judge.
- Hey, there's the queen of the castle.
- I said he's in a play.
I meant your better half.
Oh, how ya doing? Hi, Fred.
Mary Ellen and I have been talking about what a good time we had the time we took you two to dinner.
Oh, yeah, yeah, we did, too.
In fact, we owe you on that one.
What's it been, like, six months? Coming on to two years.
That was a great dinner though, wasn't it? You know what? Give me give me ten of those tickets.
You had the Porterhouse and the shrimp right, Pauly? - You know what, I'll take 20.
- There you go.
That's very, very generous of you two.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
See ya later, girls.
- And, uh good luck with the play.
- Yeah.
I'm quitting that play.
Rory, you made a commitment.
We don't go back on our commitments.
You couldn't be more embarrassing than Fred Doyle.
Come on, Cate, the guy says "How's your doody?" Not "Hello.
" But "How's your doody?" What about Beth and Alison Doyle? I mean, they have a lemonade stand.
- Oh, now that's cute.
- Mom, they're in high school.
It's more like a lame-onade stand.
Last week they had a cookie stand.
Yeah, it's more like a lame-a-cookie stand.
Yeah, and awhile ago they had a mud pie stand.
Yeah, it's more like a m No, I got nothing.
Paul, can you believe how mean your daughters are being about the Doyles? - "Lame-a-cookie" stand.
- Paul! Mom, you are worse than all of us.
At least we don't duck down in between cars when we see Mrs.
Doyle coming.
I dropped my keys! - Right, Mom.
- Right, babe.
OK.
All right.
OK.
I may have been a little less than generous in the past.
But I feel guilty hearing you kids do it.
So it stops right now.
I am inviting the Doyles for dinner.
Maybe we'll all learn to be a little more accepting.
- What? No! - End of discussion.
Right, Paul? They swing dance, Cate.
As a family.
We are doing it, and that's final.
As a family? All right, that's enough.
Now, that's them.
- Remember, best behavior.
- Come on, let's go.
Well, at least Dorky Donny Doyle's away at college.
Bridget, stop saying that.
He is not dorky.
Now, the Doyles are real, regular people just like us.
- # Hello - # Hello - # Hello - # Hello # How's your doody? - We have been rehearsing that all day.
- Well, that's time well spent.
- Hi.
- Put that right in the kitchen.
Hi.
Hi, girls, how are ya, just follow Hi, Rory.
Wanna play house? No.
I can be the Mommy, and you can be the Daddy.
Oh, Mary Maureen, maybe Rory would like to be the Mommy.
He's in a play.
Oh, Beth, Alison, those are lovely bracelets.
Aren't they, girls? Huh? Oh, yeah.
What are they made of? Hair.
Can we have some of yours, Kerry? - Yeah.
Redheads are hard to get.
- Mom? You know, you really didn't have to do all this, Mary Ellen.
Oh, pish-tosh.
It's just a lattice of prosciutto and asparagus on toasted focaccia.
I know how hard it is for you working gals to find time to do real cooking.
Oh, well, I like to think I still know my way around a kitchen.
Pish-tosh.
- The ham's heated.
- Oh.
I would've done more, but I've been so darn busy planning Moira's wedding.
Moira's getting married? I thought she was in the Peace Corps.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We had to beg her to come home for her wedding.
Oh, Cate, I'm sorry we didn't invite you guys, it's, it's just family.
Don't give it another thought.
- You know - Really.
I'm serious.
Don't.
You're gonna love this, Bridget.
Our son is stopping by a little bit later.
- Dorky? Donny, Donny's stopping by? - Yes, sir.
Donny came from Annapolis to help us with the wedding plans, bless his heart.
He has to skedaddle right back tonight though.
Yeah, but he wanted to swing by to say hi to his little Bridgie.
Um, Mom, you know, I'm not feeling very well.
Maybe it's those eggs you cooked.
I think I should go lie down.
Oh, I think you'll be alright.
Why don't you just stay down here.
Oh, well, don't make her suffer on our account.
Don't eat the ham.
I'll get it.
It must be Donny.
Don't tell him he missed our "hello" bit.
It'll break his heart.
Hi.
- Donny? - Hi, Kerry.
It's been awhile.
Hey, everybody.
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetheart.
I just wanted to say hi before I headed back to the academy.
- Where's Bridget? - Oh, sweetheart, you just missed her.
She wasn't feeling well.
Bad eggs.
Working gal.
Mom wants you to come down.
Donny's here.
And he's gonna leave in a second.
Ugh! Does he still have that ugly, braces, geeky, scrawny thing going on? Yes.
Yes, he does.
Then I'm still sick.
We're heading down to the garden show tomorrow.
Gonna take a look at the weed whackers.
See, this one here - has a three-inch spool.
- She's a beaut.
Yeah, sure is.
This baby over here is gas powered with a five-inch spool.
It's pretty tempting.
Then get that one.
Here, get down here.
Look who's feeling better.
Well, there's a brave little girl.
You know, you could be a real good Pioneer Ranger, if we allowed girls in, which we don't, and never will.
Fred, I think it's getting kind of late, it's time for us to - We had a lovely play charades! Hey, is this side shorter? Oh, now, come on, it wasn't that bad.
Oh, pish-tosh.
OK, it was.
But look, we did a good thing and we never have to do it again.
Thank God.
Fred.
Mary Ellen.
You're back.
Why? Well, we had such a great time tonight, and we prayed over this walking across the street.
We got an answer.
We'd like Team Hennessy to be part of little Moira's wedding.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You, you want us to participate in your daughter's wedding? - I thought you said it was just family.
- That's how we think of you now.
Yeah, you know, since Paul's a writer, he can scribble out something for Moira's wedding.
Just try to keep it clean there, will ya, buddy.
Oh, and Cate.
We'd love it if you'd sing.
Oh, I'm not really a singer.
Now, now, I hear you when you're gardening.
And let me tell you, If your flowers were as pretty as your voice, I'd worry about my blue ribbons.
But they're not.
Also, since Moira's friends are all in third world countries, God bless 'em, we'd like, Kerry and Bridget to be the bridesmaids.
- No.
- But we barely know Moira.
Yeah, this is her special day.
She doesn't want me up there.
I mean, people should be looking at her.
Bridesmaids.
Mrs.
Doyle? Do you have a ring bearer? - Oh, no.
- We do now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um When exactly is the wedding? - Twenty-eighth.
- The twenty-eighth.
Ooh Sorry, we already have a prior commitment.
It's Grandma's birthday.
I have to be there.
'Cause she thinks I'm Grandpa.
And we always honor our commitments.
That's a fine example to set for the children.
We understand, Catey.
Fred Doyle.
- You did it again.
- What? The 28th is our anniversary.
The wedding is the 21 st, you silly-billy.
It is.
It sure is.
- Hello? Anybody home? - Oh.
So you'll be able to make it after all.
Well, I can't see why not.
Can you, Cate? Think.
Hard.
"So let's raise our glass to the happy couple as they embark upon this truly remarkable voyage.
To Moira and her groom " Cate, this is not a name.
How can I pronounce it? It's in Morse code? Well, I think the accent's on the second - Is it really? I'll write that.
- Mom.
Mother, we cannot wear these dresses.
- Mint Julep, anybody? - Dad! I'm sorry, it's just that # Camptown ladies sing that song Doo-dah, doo-dah - I hate you.
- I hear that.
# Doo-dah, Doo-dah It's just so much fun to see my children in dresses.
Careful what you wish for.
It was so fun rehearsing with you, Rory.
Why, Katie Sharpe, you make me blush.
Don't forget the flyers.
- 'Bye, Mr.
and Mrs.
Hennessy.
- 'Bye, Katie.
You guys look ridiculous.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Take off that dress and slip into something more comfortable like boxing gloves.
Come on.
- Oh, Bridget, it's Donny Doyle.
- Oh, I owe you.
Bridget, that is rude.
What have we been talking about? Oh, Mary Ellen isn't with him, is she? - Nope.
It's just Donny.
- That's rude.
- Hey, Kerry.
- Hey, Donny.
- Bridget just stepped out.
- I guess I keep missing her.
I know.
It's funny, isn't it? It's really, really funny.
- I just came up for the bachelor party.
- Oh, how was it? Pretty wild? Know that movie Bachelor Party? - Yeah.
- We watched it.
Well, I gotta get back to school tonight.
Tell Bridget I'll see her at the wedding, and to save a dance for me.
OK.
I will.
'Bye.
Come on, you have to at least say hello.
No, it's too late.
He just left.
Oh, darn it.
You know, Bridge, Donny is actually very cute.
Yeah, right, Mom.
And he's got a great personality, right? Good parenting.
Duh! Yeah, Mom.
Duh! OK, guys, I think I have a handle on my wedding speech.
And it's good.
I've got two minutes on those old shorts Fred uses when he washes his car.
It's hilarious.
I'll just give you a taste.
"Moses called, and he wants his shorts back.
" Never mind.
Never mind.
Hey, guys, look at this.
This says that Rory's play is opening next Saturday.
That's the same day as the wedding.
Rory gets out of the wedding? That little weasel.
What, what Bridget means to say is we don't wanna miss his opening.
Yeah, because he's our little brother and we love him and stuff.
Wait a minute, Cate.
Don't you get it? This is it.
This is the Holy Grail, what we've been waiting for, manna from heaven.
This is our prior commitment.
Hallelujah! OK, Paul, but you're just gonna have to be brutally honest with them.
- Me? I'm not telling 'em.
- Let me tell 'em! The reason I called you over here well, you know, we're honored that you want us to be in your wedding.
- Oh, we're the ones who are honored.
- Abso-tively.
Posi-lutely.
- Do it now, Dad.
- Rory.
Yes, siree.
We're always saying you're the greatest people on the block.
Well, I don't know if we're the greatest.
Ah, come on, Paul, every time you see me when you're getting out of your car, you're never too busy to shoot me that wave before you race over to the house.
And I so admire Cate.
A working gal and a devoted housewife.
Even with, well, her condition.
Excuse me? Cate, I see you in the grocery store parking lot always dropping your keys.
And sometimes it takes you forever to right yourself.
The The courage.
And your children, your children are the greatest.
Like the time Bridget carried Mary Maureen all the way back home after she fell off her first tricycle.
Well, it was the least I could do.
I mean, I did push her.
All of this makes what I have to say all the more difficult.
You know, you're not gonna believe this, but you're the first family on the block that's ever invited us into your home.
- No.
- No.
Yes, it's true.
- That night was pretty special for us.
- Yeah.
You know Each and every one of you has shown us what it's like to be a good neighbor.
Ah, heck, a good person.
- We, we love you guys.
- Oh, Fred.
Oh, boy.
What, is somebody peeling an onion in here? Paul, what were you gonna say there, buddy? Oh, well, I was just gonna say Moses called, he wants his shorts back.
Seriously, I would like to thank Fred and Mary Ellen as well as the groom's parents Sha Ko Oh, man.
Uh Thank you both.
And I'd like to say it means so much to Team Hennessy for being a part of today's wonderful, beautiful ceremony.
Thank you very much.
- Paul, that's a lovely speech.
- Well, thanks.
How did you think of all those wonderful things to say about Moira? I just thought about what I'd say if one of our girls got married.
Oh, Paul look.
There's Rory and Mary Maureen.
This is so fun.
I'm supposed to be at a cast party right now.
- I'm in a play.
- You're a star? Star? Yeah, I'm a star.
We're doing two more performances.
You can come if you want.
OK.
You know, honey, we did this for all the wrong reasons, - but it's turning out pretty nice.
- Yeah.
- Hey, look at the girls.
- Ohh They're making friends with people they used to make fun of.
Moses lost his shorts.
- So did we.
- Let's not get crazy.
Um Ladies and germs.
Um As if today weren't special enough, back by popular demand, Cate Hennessy.
- Oh, that's your cue.
- Thank you.
- Hide me.
- What happened? What's wrong? Kerry says Donny is here looking for me.
He wasn't even supposed to be here.
He was supposed to be at Navy college all day.
Dad, I cannot be seen with Dorky Donny Doyle.
God! Please don't see me! Please don't see me! Please don't Excuse me, Miss Hennessy, but may Dorky Donny Doyle have this dance? # At last # My love has come along # My lonely days Would you just excuse me for one second? OK.
Ow! Shall we, Donny? # At Last # Skies above are blue - Huh.
- Yeah, Fred, I see 'em.
Yeah, it looks like we could be more than just good friends.
Who knows? - One day we could be family.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
# I found a dream # That I could speak to # A dream that I # Could call my own Well, I really can't believe I would ever say this, but I actually had fun with the Doyles tonight.
I'll get it.
- Hello, ladies.
- Hey, Rory.
Listen Oh, my God.
Girls, Wait! Just give me two minutes and I'll throw on my dress.