Darkwing Duck (1991) s01e26 Episode Script

# Daring duck of mystery # Champion of right # Swoops out of the shadows # Darkwing owns the night # Somewhere some villain schemes # But his number's up Three.
two.
one # Darkwing Duck # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck Let's get dangerous.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck! # Cloud of smoke and he appears # A master of surprise # Who's that cunning mind behind # That shadowy disguise? # Nobody knows for sure # Bad guys are out of luck.
'cause here comes - # Darkwing Duck - # Look out! # When there's trouble you call DW # Darkwing Duck # Let's get dangerous # Darkwing Duck # Better watch out.
you bad boys # Darkwing Duck! So I haven't dated ya for a few weeks.
OK, ten months.
Hey, I am the chief agent of F.
O.
W.
L.
- Fiendish Organization for World Larceny.
Ya gotta be patient, babe.
Things come up.
Chief Agent Steelbeak.
Whoa! High Command.
Always a pleasure to Skip the pleasantries.
F.
O.
W.
L.
needs money.
Yeah, well, you know, things are tough all over.
That is why you must pull off several bank heists in a hurry.
What? But I don't do bank heists.
I'm a master criminal.
Then there may have to be certain salary cutbacks.
Oh, oh, bank heists.
Oh, sure, bank heists? I do 'em all the time.
No problem.
Ha-ha-ha.
Sheesh.
Talk about bad moods.
Me, rob banks? Ha! It's an insult.
Hey, I'll just say no.
I mean, what can High Command do to me, huh? Well, they did feed your predecessor through six trash compactors.
OK, all right already.
You talked me into it.
But I'll need someone with a smaller mind.
Hey, Agent Ammonia Pine.
Ha-ha ha-ha.
Long time, Ammonia.
You busy? What now? I'm cleaning.
Uh, listen, babe.
It just so happens I got this ug-a-ly stain over here that I just can't get out.
(knock on door) (door opens) Where's that stain? You say it's ugly? Let me at it.
Ammonia, these are for you.
For me? Hmm, a bit dusty.
Ammonia, babe, hey, hey, hey, cool the cleanser, all right? Let's talk about you and me and some very dirty banks.
You know, I've always admired you.
You have? (Gosalyn) You have to think of our future, Honk.
Check this out.
T-shirts, posters, action figures - they're all bought by the Perfect Guy Fan Club.
All that money for a made-up character.
We've got the real one! We can make a killing with a Darkwing Duck Fan Club.
I thought you were cleaning up this fire trap.
Hi, Dad.
I was just thinking Darkwing Duck needs a fan club.
A fan club? This is just a rough prototype, of course.
The point is, we'll rake in the bucks.
Gee, uh, you got my good side, too.
Mm, I don't know, Gosalyn.
I'm a mysterious hero, the terror that flaps in the night.
I count on surprise.
Look, you are the best, Pop.
Isn't it time people recognized it? Hmm.
Well, you certainly do have a point there.
Well, I'll think about it.
Hey, it's the Flash Quack with a secret message from J.
Gander Hooter.
See? Just what I mean.
People pay good money for neat stuff like this.
"Last night, several banks knocked over, burglarized in complete silence.
" Hmm.
Sounds like a job for Darkwing Duck! Great.
What are we waiting for? "We're" not going anywhere, young lady.
You're going to stay right here and clean up this mess.
But I OK, you go on ahead.
Come on, Honk, we've got corporate strategic planning to do.
Looks empty to me.
But how could a huge building like this get knocked over and emptied without waking the whole city? Gather round, fans, and watch the living legend at work.
What?! Already? I said I'd think about it.
Come on, your public awaits.
Ohh OK, I'll-I'll wing it.
Notice if you will, youngsters, this large bank is laying on its side.
This guy's a regular Sherlock Holmes.
What can be deduced is that it would take an army of villains to move this.
Yikes! Come back! (blows whistle) Yikes! For my next trick He's no superhero.
That's for sure.
Hey, give him time, guys.
Darkwing Duck's just warming up.
What? A soapy bank robbery? This can only be the work of one disinfected villain, my nemesis Ammonia Pine, agent of F.
O.
W.
L.
This concludes today's demonstration.
Sign up now for Darkwing's next incredible performance.
Tickets are going fast.
Ammonia, babe, I gotta tell you the way you handle suds, well, it is a thing of beauty.
Well, here we are, another bank to clean up and clean out.
Ha-ha-ha.
You've got a way with words, Ammonia.
That is the sign of a quick mind.
Make that a clean mind, hon.
Let 'er rip, Steely.
You got it, Lemon Fresh.
Oh-ho! Suds, do your stuff.
Perfect landing.
Hit the sump pump, hon.
Oh, man, just look at all this currency.
We're a team, Ammonia, like, uh, like soap and water.
That's a good one! Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Ammonia Pine is seldom this ambitious.
Unless she works with a partner.
Ooh! Gos, why don't you watch wh Gosalyn, does the term "secret agent" mean anything to you? Accent on the "secret.
" Relax.
We've got it covered.
- Oh, wow! - Look Come on, DW, let's see some action.
Oh, shucks, ha-ha.
I don't usually do fan demonstrations, but under the circumstances Yay! All right! (tall rooster) Cool! (all) Ooh.
Ahh.
Launchpad will assist me in the next phase of the demonstra-ti-on.
Now, try to imagine that Launchpad here is a witless, brainless thug.
I know it's a stretch.
Hi-yaha! (gasps) What a show! Hi-ye-waii-hey! (blows landing/grunting) Sorry, friend, no note-taking in here, but you'll find all the notes you need in the authorized Darkwing Duck Crime-fighting Diary.
only 12.
95.
All right! Homemade capes? Ew.
Behold, the Darkwing Duck official cape is much more aerodynamic and it's wrinkle-resistant.
Only 15.
50.
Neato! You know, this fan club stuff really helps my image.
Good job, Gos.
You know, Gosalyn, babe, I been thinkin'.
There are markets we haven't touched - direct mail, radio spots What about cereal boxes? Note to myself - a Darkwing decoder in every box.
(phone rings) - It's for you.
- (man) 30 seconds.
DW.
Oh, enough talk.
I'm on.
(man over PA) Ladies and gentlemen.
it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you at this time the hardest-working duck in crime-fighting.
the star of the show.
put your hands together for Darkwing Duck.
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the rhinestones on the jumpsuit of justice.
I am Darkwing Duck! - Are you ready? - (all) Yes! Then let's get dangerous.
Waah! (shudders) Ooh! Yay! Cool! (crowd member whistles) Wayne Newton, eat your heart out.
And I just finished this great book.
Yeah, a study comparing powdered and liquid bleach.
What a page-turner.
Oh, ya got to read it.
Just a few more bags.
Just a few more bags.
- (kids shouting) - Hey, what's all the racket? Beats me, hon.
Looks like Megavolt's having a block party.
- (engine rumbling in distance) - (crowd cheering) Finally, someone I can waste.
(cheers and applause) And now Darkwing Duck will dazzlingly demonstrate his lightning-quick reflexes.
Watch as I Hey! (burbles.
coughs) - That last bit isn't in the script.
- No wonder.
Look, it's Ammonia Pine and Steelbeak.
Waah! Waah! Whoo! Wow! Why can't you ever find soap this good in a public restroom? Uh Watch closely, fans, as DW puts away the bad guys I hope.
(DW) Whoa-oa! (DW and Launchpad) Whoa-oa-oa! (crash) OK, let's get all ducks in line, here.
You know, finishin' you two off is real entertainment.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Too bad I can only do it once.
Looks like you're upside down and up against it, Stain Brain.
Well, things aren't always what they seem, Mop Top.
My gas should render this trash washed up, LP.
Stand back, Steely.
I'm goin' down swingin'! Puh-lease.
Can't you accept defeat gracefully? Lucky punch.
Launchpad, what are you doing? Crashing just comes naturally to me.
Come on, let's finish 'em off.
- No, no! You'll get in the way.
- Get him, Darkwing.
Come on, LP, let's fertilize this overgrown bubble-blower.
(all) Darkwing! Come on! They love me.
Let's clean house, eh, Steely? My one chance to blow off steam, and she hogs the action.
Yeah, yeah, let's just finish him off.
(snorts) Fertilizer.
Dirt.
Filth! Naah! I must clean.
I don't believe this.
Hey, watch it.
Oh! Hey! Time to slip and slide, Sludge Face.
Oh, no! - No soap! - All right, peel out, Ammonia.
But there's still fertilizer on the ground.
So we'll come back later.
Just go! Oh, wow.
DW sure showed those villains, didn't he, Gosalyn? Yeah, sure did.
(man on TV) When you join the Darkwing Duck Fan Club Dad, I've been thinking.
Maybe we should dissolve the Darkwing Fan Club.
Very funny.
It would give you a chance to concentrate on what you do best - fight crime.
Gosalyn, dear, this fan club is a big help.
Besides, it's an overdue tribute to my crime-fighting ability.
But, Dad, you were so caught up signing autographs and stuff that you could have been killed today.
Risk is Darkwing Duck's middle name.
I'm talking about getting your tail feathers kicked! Fine.
I'll run the fan club.
Tomorrow you can stay home and concentrate on what you should do best - clean your room! Next time I get a bright idea, I'll keep my big mouth shut.
Now comes the action part of the program, where you'll learn firsthand how to capture crooks Darkwing Duck-style.
- Getting this down for the fan letter? - Yes, sir.
(Launchpad) Look DW, Steelbeak.
OK, everybody, keep quiet and watch a master at work.
Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Darkwing! Darkwing! - Darkwing Duck! - Shh.
Psst! Guys, you gotta be more quiet.
You know, those kids deserve a Darkwing Duck big entrance.
Excuse me, LP.
I'll handle this alone.
I am the terror that flaps in the night.
I am the stain that can't be rubbed out.
Gee, what a surprise.
I guess you got me.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
And all this time I thought you were Darkwing Do-Nothin'.
Nice work, DW.
(all) Yeah, Darkwing.
Haven't lost my touch.
By the way, DW, whatever happened to Ammonia P Good work, honey.
You lulled 'em to sleep, Baby Beak.
Reel 'em in, Steely! (all) Hey! Hey! All right, listen up, Darkwing Dolt.
Even you got enough brains to see that you better stay away from Ammonia and me.
Or else your kids are gonna get it, get it? Whoa-oa whoa! You know, my little love sponge, F.
O.
W.
L.
will be able to afford a fleet of these vehicles with all the loot we're stealin'.
Steely, I've been waiting for the right moment to ask you.
I Well, I'll just say it.
Will you marry me? Yeah, right.
I'm just so moved.
Let's just wait till our crime wave is over, all right? Then we can have some quiet time to talk.
- (snickers) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
- (beeping) Mess monitor red alert.
There's a filthy mess around here.
Let's go! Oh, man, not again.
(tires screech) A-ha! Some slovenly jerk has left chewing gum on this bench.
Shh.
(sighs) Filth obliterated! I should have dissolved the fan club.
The kids are gone and it's all my fault.
Boy, you must feel really rotten.
Why, thank you for being so understanding.
I say we break into that tub o' suds and take him out.
Well, OK, DW, but Honker and the kids will probably get walloped if we do that.
Oh.
We're going after them, LP.
Darkwing Duck does not know the meaning of the word "defeat.
" I know who's getting a dictionary for his birthday.
Gos, Steelbeak and Ammonia Pine soaped your dad and Launchpad then kidnapped the fan club kids.
I got away when Ammonia's mess monitor went off.
Honk, we've gotta save them! What's a mess monitor? Ammonia's got radar that goes off when it monitors a filthy mess nearby.
Hey.
If there's a mess to be made, I'm the one to make it.
I'll just make a cake like I did for Pop's birthday.
Let's see 'em suck up this! Gosalyn, you're trashing your own house.
Trashing my house to save those kids, Honk.
You know any other way to get them to come here? Come on.
Let's hit your dad's room.
I bet you never knew the history of the garbage disposal was so fascinatin'.
Hm? Oh, yeah.
Captivatin'.
Greetings.
Agent Steelbeak.
Hello, High Command.
Did you get the last deposit? Excellent work.
Thanks to you.
F.
O.
W.
L.
is back to a full schedule of criminal activity.
No problemo.
We'll just knock over this last bank and ba-boom, I'll be on my Agent Pine has reported on how much you two enjoy working as a team.
She has? We're considering putting you two on assignment together.
Indefinitely.
High Command out.
(stammering) Congratulations, hon.
W-w-where you goin'? Uh, noplace, Ammonia, and neither are you.
I am the terror that fl Why you For a nickel I'd rip you Why, I oughta Ow! Well, take you that! Oh, it's not enough to jeopardize my position with F.
O.
W.
L.
- She has to hog all the fun too.
- (beeping) My mess monitor.
(gasps) This is the big one! I always knew you were a big chicken, Steelbeak.
Hey.
For the first time, I actually like this soap.
Hang on, DW.
(Ammonia) The filthy mess is in that house, right there! All right, let's give these soap suds a run for their money.
Good work, LP.
Let's get dangerous.
We're wasting time, Ammonia.
This place is clean enough already.
Clean enough? Ha-ha! Leave the cleaning to me, Steely.
Way to go, Honk! Pouring Wacky Glue all over the foundation was a smooth move.
(all yell) My bed! (DW) Give up yet, chrome-lips? Not you again.
Foul punch.
I demand a rematch.
See what you've done? We could have left in plenty of time.
But no, not you.
You had to indulge a moronic obsession with cleaning! Does that mean you don't want to marry me? Marry you? I don't want to live on the same continent as you.
Hey, hey, hey.
Get this, Ammonia.
I kinda like dirt! (laughing) (screams) Stop it! Muck, mud, dirt, filth - give it to me.
Give it to me, baby.
I've gotta have it all.
Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt.
I love dirt.
(laughing) Hey, man, who do we see about a full refund? That's it, trash bag.
Nobody dumps me.
I'm reporting you to High Command.
I hate to interrupt your little domestic quarrel, but You win this round, Dirtwing.
As for me I wash my hands of this whole affair.
Ha! Wash! Ha-ha-ha.
Washing, cleaning, soaping, doing Ha-ha! See what a messy room can do, Dad? Well.
(sighs) I've always said that crime-fighting's a dirty job, kiddo.
# Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck # Darkwing Duck