Get Smart (1965) s01e26 Episode Script

( playing classical music ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I LOST MY CUFFLINK.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE'S ONE SURE WAY TO FIND A CUFFLINK.
- HOW? - YOU TAKE THE OTHER CUFFLINK AND YOU DROP IT, AND IT'LL LAND IN THE SAME PLACE.
WELL, DID IT LAND IN THE SAME PLACE? IT MUST HAVE.
NOW BOTH CUFFLINKS ARE LOST.
WILL YOU STOP CRAWLING AROUND? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ACTING DIGNIFIED.
YOU'LL GIVE AWAY OUR COVER IDENTITY, 86.
LIKE YOU JUST DID BY CALLING ME 86.
I'M GREGORY WILCOX, MUSIC CRITIC FOR THE "CONCERT MUSIC" MAGAZINE.
YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME GIVING AWAY OUR COVER IDENTITY, CHIEF.
YOU JUST DID BY CALLING ME CHIEF.
- I'M FRANKLIN GILES, YOUR EDITOR.
- YES, SIR.
WELL, AN EDITOR CAN BE CALLED CHIEF.
IF YOU'RE KEEPING TIME WITH THE MUSIC, YOU'RE WAY OUT OF TEMPO.
I AM NOT KEEPING TIME.
I'M NERVOUS.
AS SOON AS HE FINISHES THE CONCERT, OUR AGENT IS GOING TO GIVE US THE NAME OF THE TOP KAOS RINGLEADER, THE NEW MR.
BIG.
IS RUDOLPH HUBERT A REGULAR CONTROL AGENT WHO BECAME A CONCERT VIOLINIST, OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND? NO, HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A CONTROL AGENT.
BUT HIS TALENT AS A VIOLINIST HAS GIVEN HIM A PERFECT COVER, AND IT GIVES HIM ACCESS TO PLACES WHERE OUR OTHER AGENTS COULDN'T GET IN.
GEE, THAT'S THE GLAMOROUS END OF THE BUSINESS, CHIEF.
TOO BAD I FLUNKED OUT OF SPY MUSIC SCHOOL.
( audience applauding ) BRAVO! BRAVO! I THINK HE'S GIVING US A SIGNAL.
CHECK HIM WITH YOUR GLASSES.
- WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE? - OH, I MISPLACED MY GLASSES, CHIEF.
HE'S TOUCHING HIS BOW TO HIS LEFT SHOULDER.
THAT'S AN EMERGENCY SIGNAL.
HE'S IN DANGER.
LET'S GO.
- OH! - WHAT'S THE MATTER? - I FOUND MY CUFFLINKS.
- WHERE? THEY'RE IN MY SHOE.
I TOLD YOU THEY'D BOTH LAND IN THE SAME PLACE, CHIEF.
Man: TONIGHT I THINK MY PIANO PLAYING WAS MASTERFUL FOR THE FIRST TIME.
IN FACT, I WAS TELLING-- AH, RUDOLPH.
YES, I WAS TELLING RUDOLPH I THINK NOW HE'S READY FOR THE GREAT PROKOFIEV CONCERTO.
HE'S DEAD.
YES, AND THEY TRIED TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SUICIDE.
MAX, HUBERT WAS TOO GOOD AN AGENT NOT TO LEAVE THE NAME OF MR.
BIG SOMEWHERE.
- LOOK FOR IT.
- RIGHT, CHIEF.
NOW WHERE WOULD AN AGENT WHO'S A VIOLINIST LEAVE A CLUE? - CHIEF! - WHAT? I'VE GOT IT.
IN HIS VIOLIN.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
LOOK IN THERE AND SEE IF YOU CAN FIND A NAME.
RIGHT, CHIEF.
- CHIEF! - WHAT? - I FOUND IT.
- WHAT IS IT? THE NAME OF KAOS' NEW MR.
BIG IS STRADIVARIUS.
( theme music playing ) MR.
WILCOX AND MR.
GILES, - YOU DISCOVERED THE BODY.
- THAT'S RIGHT, INSPECTOR.
NOW, MR.
BADEFF, YOU, MISS DARVEY AND MR.
WOLENSKA WERE THE LAST PEOPLE TO SEE RUDOLPH HUBERT ALIVE.
IT WAS IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE CONCERT.
MISS DARVEY AND I WERE CONGRATULATING WOLENSKA ON THE BRILLIANCE OF HIS PIANO PLAYING THIS EVENING.
IS THIS TRUE, MR.
WOLENSKA? YES, YES, I WAS MAGNIFICENT TONIGHT.
NO, NO, I MEAN ABOUT SEEING HUBERT ALIVE.
HE PASSED US ON THE WAY TO HIS DRESSING ROOM.
DO ANY OF YOU KNOW WHY RUDOLPH HUBERT MIGHT HAVE TAKEN HIS OWN LIFE? I KNOW WHY.
BECAUSE OF ME.
I REFUSED TO PLAY ANY OF THE SYMPHONIES HE COMPOSED.
TIME AND TIME AGAIN HE ASKED ME TO PLAY THEM AND ALWAYS I REFUSED.
BUT WHY WOULDN'T YOU PLAY THEM, MR.
WOLENSKA? BECAUSE THEY WERE TERRIBLE.
I SHOULD HAVE PLAYED THEM ANYWAY.
DON'T TOUCH MY HANDS! THEY BELONG TO THE WORLD.
IF YOU MUST TOUCH ME, DON'T EVER TOUCH ME BELOW THE ELBOW.
INSPECTOR, AS YOU KNOW, I'M THE OWNER OF BADEFF HALL.
I HAVE A PRIVATE SUITE UPSTAIRS.
COULDN'T WE CONTINUE UP THERE? I'M AFRAID THAT WOLENSKA IS UPSET BEING IN HUBERT'S DRESSING ROOM.
THANK YOU.
MAX, I'M CONVINCED THAT HUBERT LEFT A CLUE AS TO THE NAME OF KAOS' NEW MR.
BIG.
NOW LET'S CHECK WITH AGENT 44.
HE'S BEEN ON CONSTANT SURVEILLANCE EVER SINCE HUBERT GOT TO TOWN.
WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
AGENT 44 WASN'T SUPPOSED TO CONTACT HUBERT.
WELL, HE MIGHT HAVE SEEN SOMETHING.
LET'S GO.
- HELLO, 44.
- HELLO, CHIEF.
- HELLO, SMART.
- 44.
HUBERT WAS KILLED.
YES, I HEARD SOME PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT IT.
HAVE YOU SEEN ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS AROUND HERE? FROM HERE, EVERYTHING LOOKS SUSPICIOUS.
LEFT A LEAD FOR US, - THE NAME OF THE NEW MR.
BIG.
- 44: HE DIDN'T LEAVE IT WITH ME.
HEY, CHIEF, I'M GETTING TIRED OF THESE ASSIGNMENTS.
THE BLOOD'S BEEN RUSHING TO MY HEAD ALL DAY.
I HAD AN AWFUL TIME DIGESTING MY DINNER.
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU? JUST ONE THING.
COULD YOU PICK UP THE LOOSE CHANGE FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE CASE? KEEPS FALLING OUT OF MY POCKETS.
WELL, THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE, CHIEF.
- ( screams ) - SHH! REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT BEING QUIET.
IF YOU HAVE TO SCREAM, WHISPER IT.
I WAS SURE HUBERT LEFT A CLUE SOMEWHERE IN THIS PIANO.
HE WAS STANDING RIGHT NEAR IT WHEN HE SIGNALED US.
CHIEF, HUBERT WAS ONE OF OUR BEST AGENTS.
I'M SURE HE LEFT A CLUE TO THE IDENTITY OF MR.
BIG SOMEWHERE IN A VERY DEVIOUS PLACE.
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, MAX.
I'LL PHONE PARKER AND HAVE HIM GO DOWN TO THE LAB AND SET UP A SPECIAL SEARCH OPERATION FOR TOMORROW.
THEN I'LL FILL YOU IN ON A PLAN I HAVE.
- RIGHT HERE? - YES, RIGHT HERE.
LET ME HAVE YOUR SHOE PHONE, MAX.
THANK YOU.
MAY I HAVE THE KEY, PLEASE, MAX? SORRY ABOUT THAT, CHIEF, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN USING MY SHOE FOR PERSONAL CALLS.
HELLO, PARKER, I'M SORRY TO DISTURB YOU AT A TIME LIKE THIS, BUT THIS IS A BLUE ALERT EMERGENCY.
I WANT YOU TO GO OVER TO THE LAB AND SET UP A SPECIAL SEARCH OPERATION FOR BADEFF CONCERT HALL FOR AGENT 86.
NOW HE'LL NEED AN ASSISTANT ON THIS ONE, SO FIND OUT WHICH OF OUR AGENTS HAS A GOOD ENOUGH KNOWLEDGE OF MUSIC SO THEY WON'T BE UNDER SUSPICION HERE.
ALL RIGHT, GO OVER THERE RIGHT AWAY.
- HERE'S YOUR SHOE PHONE, MAX.
- OH, THANK YOU, CHIEF.
NOW HERE IS MY PLAN.
AND I'M GLAD WE'RE NOT IN MY OFFICE, OR YOU WOULD INSIST ON OUR USING THE CONE OF SILENCE.
I'VE ALREADY TAKEN MEASURES FOR THAT, CHIEF.
I'VE BROUGHT ALONG THE PORTABLE CONE OF SILENCE.
IT WAS IN MY CAR.
MAX, WE DON'T NEED THAT.
BESIDES, IT DOESN'T WORK.
LOOK, CHIEF, ACCORDING TO THE HANDBOOK, YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE SOME SECURITY MEASURES IF YOU'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT A PLAN AWAY FROM CONTROL HEADQUARTERS.
ALL RIGHT, MAX.
I WANT YOU TO TALK TO BADEFF, NICOLA DARVEY AND WOLENSKA.
THEY WERE THE LAST PEOPLE TO SEE HUBERT ALIVE.
AND ONE OF THEM MAY HAVE KILLED HIM.
NOW I WANT YOU TO FIND OUT HOW LONG THEY KNEW HUBERT.
NOW WITH YOUR COVER AS MUSIC CRITIC YOU CAN TELL THEM THAT YOU'RE DOING A HUMAN INTEREST STORY ON HIM.
- IS THAT IT, CHIEF? - THAT'S IT.
WELL, WE DIDN'T NEED THE CONE OF SILENCE FOR THAT.
I TOLD YOU WE DIDN'T.
NOW LET'S GET THIS THING OFF.
- I CAN'T GET THE LOCK OPEN.
- NEITHER CAN I.
CHIEF, I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WALK OUT OF HERE WITH THE CONE OF SILENCE ON.
MAX, WE CAN'T GO BACK TO CONTROL LIKE THIS.
WE LOOK RIDICULOUS.
WELL, MAYBE IF WE JUST ACT CASUAL, NOBODY WILL NOTICE.
- I GOT MINE OFF, CHIEF.
- GOOD, NOW HELP ME.
- ( door closes ) - SHH.
- ( footsteps approaching ) - LISTEN.
CHIEF, I THINK SOMEONE IS SNEAKING AROUND THE DRESSING ROOM AREA.
THAT MAY BE THE KILLER TRYING TO FIND OUT IF HUBERT LEFT A CLUE AS TO HIS IDENTITY.
CHECK IT OUT.
RIGHT, CHIEF, THEN I'LL COME BACK AND GET YOU OUT OF THE CONE OF SILENCE.
MISS DARVEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HUBERT'S DRESSING ROOM? OH, I MUST HAVE MADE A MISTAKE.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY DRESSING ROOM, BUT MINE'S NEXT DOOR.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? OH, WELL, I'M JUST TRYING TO GATHER A LITTLE BACKGROUND MATERIAL FOR THE ARTICLE THAT I'M WRITING ON HUBERT.
PERHAPS YOU COULD HELP ME.
I'M AFRAID THAT I BARELY KNEW HIM, MR.
WILCOX.
AND NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'D LIKE TO CHANGE MY CLOTHES AND GO HOME.
IT'S BEEN RATHER AN EXHAUSTING NIGHT.
YES, I GUESS THAT WORKING IN THE CONCERT FIELD THROWS YOUR PERSONAL LIFE INTO A COMPLETE STATE OF CHAOS.
I THINK WE CAN CONSIDER HER OUR PRIME SUSPECT, CHIEF.
STOP IT, MAX.
THE ECHO IN HERE IS GIVING ME A TERRIBLE HEADACHE.
HMM, MAYBE I'D BETTER GET A SLEDGEHAMMER.
- ( door closes ) - SHH.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, CHIEF? - ( footsteps approaching ) - ANOTHER VISITOR TO THE DRESSING ROOMS.
I'LL CHECK IT OUT.
YOU STAY UNDERCOVER.
MR.
BADEFF, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I OWN THE HALL.
I WAS GOING THROUGH HUBERT'S EFFECTS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE ARTICLE I'M WRITING ON HUBERT, AND I COULDN'T SLEEP.
SLEEP? WHY, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HAD TIME TO GO HOME AND GO TO BED.
OH, WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY WHY I COULDN'T SLEEP.
INCIDENTALLY, MR.
BADEFF, AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE, I WONDER IF YOU'D HELP ME WITH MY ARTICLE ON HUBERT.
I DON'T BELIEVE I COULD HELP YOU.
I BARELY KNEW HIM.
I MERELY ENGAGED HIM FOR THIS CONCERT.
IT'S A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY TO HAPPEN HERE.
YOU KNOW, I BUILT THIS THEATER MYSELF, PIECE BY PIECE.
- YOU BUILT THIS PLACE PIECE BY PIECE? - YES.
YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE AN OLD HAMMER LYING AROUND, WOULD YOU? NO.
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
AND I SHALL BE CLOSING THE THEATER IN FIVE MINUTES.
I WILL ASSUME YOU'VE LEFT.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
BADEFF CLAIMS HE DIDN'T KNOW HUBERT EITHER, BUT HE'S ACTING VERY STRANGELY.
I THINK HE'S OUR PRIME SUSPECT, CHIEF.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID NICOLA WAS OUR PRIME SUSPECT.
I DID, BUT ISN'T IT BETTER TO HAVE A CHOICE? - DID YOU FIND A HAMMER? - NO, CHIEF.
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO USE YOUR GUN.
RIGHT, CHIEF.
NO, MAX, THE OTHER END! OH, RIGHT, CHIEF.
- ( screams ) - SHH! ( footsteps approaching ) DO YOU HEAR THAT? BACK TO THE DRESSING ROOM.
AND TELL ME, WOLENSKA, WHY DID YOU COME BACK FOR HUBERT'S SHEET MUSIC AT THIS LATE HOUR? I SHALL PERFORM IT TOMORROW NIGHT IN HIS HONOR.
IT WILL BE MY TRIBUTE TO MY FELLOW ARTISTS AND PERHAPS EASE A BIT OF THE SORROW IN MY HEART.
DON'T TOUCH MY HANDS! SORRY ABOUT THAT.
IS THIS THE MUSIC? YES, BUT THE SYMPHONY HAS NO TITLE.
HUBERT DID NOT FINISH IT.
WELL, WHY DON'T WE JUST CALL IT "HUBERT'S UNFINISHED SYMPHONY"? A SPARK OF GENIUS, MR.
WILCOX! I SHALL REHEARSE IT EVERY SINGLE MOMENT FROM NOW UNTIL MY MAGNIFICENT PERFORMANCE TOMORROW NIGHT.
COME ON, CHIEF, LET'S GET BACK TO CONTROL.
I WANT TO CHECK ON WOLENSKA.
I THINK HE'S OUR PRIME SUSPECT.
WHAT ABOUT NICOLA AND BADEFF? OH, YES, WELL, IN THE SCIENCE OF CRIMINOLOGY, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO NARROW DOWN A CHOICE LIKE THIS.
- WHAT'S THAT? - EENIE MEENIE MINEY-- - MAX! - COME ON, CHIEF.
- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- LET ME GET THIS THING OFF.
- I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING OUT OF HERE, MAX.
- DON'T WORRY, I'LL LEAD YOU.
THERE'S A STAIR TO THE ORCHESTRA PIT RIGHT OVER HERE.
- ARE YOU SURE? - POSITIVE, CHIEF.
I DON'T KNOW.
SOMEHOW I THINK THE HAMMER MIGHT HAVE BEEN EASIER.
WHAT'S UP, CHIEF? I GOT HERE AS SOON AS I COULD.
WE NEED SOMEONE WITH A GOOD MUSICAL BACKGROUND TO WORK WITH MAX AT BADEFF HALL.
FILL ME IN.
WELL, I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT OPERA.
I STUDIED SINGING.
AND I CAN PLAY THE VIOLIN AND THE HARP.
THAT'S IT, THE VIOLIN.
YOU'LL GO ALONG WITH MAX AS HIS VIOLIN PROTEGE.
BETTER TAKE ALONG THIS HELIO-COAT, SMART.
IT MAY COME IN HANDY.
I THINK WE COULD USE AN EMERGENCY WEAPON, MAX.
WELL, WE HAVE ONE RIGHT HERE, 99.
THIS VIOLIN SHOOTS LIKE A GUN.
SORRY ABOUT THAT, BELLAMY.
I DIDN'T KNOW THE VIOLIN WAS LOADED.
( plays chords, hits sour note ) CARRIE, MY DEAR, IT IS TRUE.
YOU'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN YOUR LIFE.
I DON'T THINK SO, NO.
( continues playing ) ( hits sour note ) BRAVO, MAGNIFICENT! YOU LIKE THAT, MR.
WILCOX? ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU'RE A MUSIC LOVER? WELL, OF COURSE I AM.
DO YOU KNOW THAT I ONCE LISTENED TO THREE STRAIGHT WEEKS OF BEETHOVEN? WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT? THREE WEEKS OF BEETHOVEN.
I FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE.
WOULD YOU BELIEVE TWO WEEKS OF BACH? I DON'T THINK SO.
HOW ABOUT AN HOUR OF "LOONEY TUNES"? ( hits sour note ) THIS IS RIDICULOUS! HUBERT WAS A GOOD MAN BUT A TERRIBLE COMPOSER.
WHOEVER HEARD OF SUCH NOTES? B-FLAT, A, D-FLAT, E, F-SHARP, F-NATURAL.
( harrumphs ) DID YOU HEAR THAT, NICOLA? B-FLAT, A, D-FLAT, E, F-SHARP, F-NATURAL? - "BADEFF.
" - YES, THAT'S MY NAME.
EVIDENTLY, HUBERT DID LEAVE SOME EVIDENCE OF MY IDENTITY.
YOU KNOW, IF I COULD FIGURE IT OUT, SOMEONE ELSE VERY WELL MIGHT.
WOLENSKA'S PLAYING IT TONIGHT.
NO, HE ISN'T.
HAVE BORIS FIX THE PIANO SO THAT WE GET RID OF WOLENSKA AND "HUBERT'S UNFINISHED SYMPHONY" AT THE SAME TIME.
ENOUGH, WOLENSKA.
THAT'S ENOUGH REHEARSING.
REMEMBER, IN JUST A FEW HOURS YOU HAVE A CONCERT.
YOU SHOULD REST.
- GOOD LUCK, MR.
WOLENSKA.
- DON'T TOUCH MY HANDS! - HELLO, 44.
- HELLO, 66.
WELL, I'M UPSIDE DOWN.
YOU NEED HELP? HAVEN'T BEEN ON MY FEET SINCE YESTERDAY.
OH, SURE, EVERYTHING'S IMPORTANT.
EVERYTHING'S IMPORTANT BUT ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I ALWAYS GET THESE ASSIGNMENTS.
I'M ALWAYS IN A WASHING MACHINE OR A FROZEN FOOD LOCKER OR A MAILBOX.
MAX, I THINK I'VE GOT A LEAD.
FORGET 44.
OH, SURE, FORGET 44.
EVERYBODY FORGETS 44.
FORGET HIM.
FORGET 44, FORGET HIM.
- WHAT IS IT, 99? - WELL, BADEFF DIDN'T WANT US TO GET A LOOK AT "HUBERT'S UNFINISHED SYMPHONY.
" WAS THAT MUSIC THE LAST THING THAT HUBERT WROTE - BEFORE HE WAS KILLED? - WELL, I GUESS SO.
IT WAS DISCOVERED RIGHT BESIDE THE BODY WHEN WE FOUND HIM.
WELL, THE LAST SIX NOTES WERE VERY ODD, MAX.
MAYBE HE LEFT THE NAME OF MR.
BIG IN THE SYMPHONY.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE NOTES? OF COURSE I REMEMBER THE NOTES.
AFTER ALL, I STUDIED A LITTLE PIANO MYSELF.
NOW LET'S SEE ( sighs ) B-FLAT, A, D-FLAT, E, F-SHARP AND F-NATURAL.
PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER-- THEY SPELL "BADEFF.
" BADEFF! WELL, THEN BADEFF IS THE KILLER.
THEN BADEFF IS MR.
BIG.
WELL, LET'S JUST GO RIGHT UPSTAIRS, 99, AND GIVE MR.
BADEFF A NICE BIG SURPRISE.
WELL, YOU CERTAINLY RUINED A NICE SURPRISE.
MAX, YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON THOSE ROPES FOR TWO HOURS.
ANY LUCK? NOTHING, 99.
I CAN'T GET LOOSE.
RELEASE THEM, BORIS.
WELL, I SEE YOU'VE FINALLY COME TO YOUR SENSES, BADEFF.
- YOU'RE GOING TO SURRENDER, EH? - HARDLY, MR.
SMART.
WE'RE MERELY GETTING READY TO KILL YOU.
THE FLOOR OF THIS STOREROOM IS REALLY AN ELECTRONIC BOOBY TRAP.
ONE STEP ANYWHERE WILL INITIATE AN ELECTRONIC IMPULSE WHICH WILL CAUSE SEVERAL LARGE HEAVY OBJECTS TO CRASH DOWN.
AND WHEN YOUR BODIES ARE FOUND, YOU WILL APPEAR TO HAVE DIED BY ACCIDENT.
YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS, BADEFF.
SOMEONE'S GONNA FIGURE OUT YOUR NAME THE MINUTE WOLENSKA PLAYS "HUBERT'S UNFINISHED SYMPHONY.
" - HE'LL NEVER GET TO PLAY IT.
- ( crowd applauding ) WOLENSKA'S JUST COME ONSTAGE TO START THE CONCERT.
OH, GOOD, WE CAN HEAR IT DOWN HERE, 99.
YOU'LL ONLY HEAR THE FIRST SELECTION THAT LASTS EXACTLY THREE MINUTES.
THEN AFTER HIS BOW, ACCORDING TO THE PROGRAM THAT I'VE ARRANGED, WOLENSKA WILL SIT DOWN TO PLAY "HUBERT'S UNFINISHED SYMPHONY.
" HOWEVER, WHEN HIS FINGERS STRIKE THE FIRST CHORD, IT WILL SET OFF A BOMB IN THE PIANO, WHICH WILL EXPLODE, DESTROYING HIM AND THE EVIDENCE.
( piano playing ) THIS SWITCH WILL ACTIVATE THE ELECTRONIC FLOOR.
MAX, THAT CONCERTO LASTS EXACTLY THREE MINUTES.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? - I'M GOING TO TEST THIS FLOOR, 99.
- I HAVE A THOUGHT.
WHAT'S YOUR THOUGHT? CALL THE CHIEF ON YOUR SHOE-PHONE.
DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER THOUGHT?THAT WAS MY SHOE-PHONE.
TIME'S RUNNING OUT, MAX.
THERE MUST BE A WAY, 99.
WAIT A MINUTE.
IF WE CAN'T GO ACROSS THE FLOOR, - GO OVER IT.
- IF WE CAN'T GO ACROSS THE FLOOR, GO OF COURSE.
MY HELIO-COAT.
OKAY, 99.
YOU CAN COME ACROSS THE FLOOR NOW.
AND BRING A SHARP PIN.
( piano playing ) - BORIS.
- MAX, USE THE VIOLIN GUN.
ALL RIGHT, HOLD IT.
ONE STROKE OF MY BOW, AND THIS VIOLIN WILL PLAY ITS SONG OF DEATH.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT THIS IS KILLING ME.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, BORIS.
I'M USED TO DEALING WITH GORILLAS LIKE YOU.
LISTEN, BORIS, I HOPE I WASN'T OUT OF LINE WITH THAT CRACK ABOUT THE GORILLA.
HOLD IT! MAX, STOP WOLENSKA.
WHEN HE HITS THE FIRST CHORD, THE BOMB WILL EXPLODE! ( audience applauding ) - STOP! - DON'T TOUCH MY HANDS! ( audience clamoring ) OH, THANK YOU, MR.
SMART.
THANK YOU.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
DON'T TOUCH MY HANDS! ( playing ) WELL, WE GOT THEM.
ALL OF THEM.
BADEFF AND NICOLA ARE ON THEIR WAY TO JAIL.
AT LAST WE'VE BROKEN THE CULTURAL ARM OF KAOS.
THIS IS GOING TO BE A REAL BLOW TO EVIL MUSIC LOVERS EVERYWHERE.
IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG, MAX? HUH? OH, NO, CHIEF.
IT'S JUST THAT, WELL, THIS HAS BEEN A PARTICULARLY TOUGH CASE AND MY NERVES ARE A LITTLE ON EDGE.
BESIDES, I'M HURT.
- WHAT IS IT, MAX? - WELL THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE PLAYED IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE, YOU KNOW? THAT WAS VERY BRAVE OF YOU, MAX.
IT WAS MY DEBUT.
I'VE NEVER HEARD "CHOPSTICKS" PLAYED WITH SUCH IMAGINATION.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T THEY ASK FOR AN ENCORE? LISTEN, MAX, SOME OF US ARE BORN TO DO ONE THING.
SOME AREN'T.
YOU HAVE YOUR TALENTS.
OTHERS HAVE OTHER TALENTS.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, CHIEF.
I MAY NEVER GET TO PLAY WITH THE PHILHARMONIC, - BUT ON THE OTHER HAND - YES.
IS LEONARD BERNSTEIN LICENSED TO KILL? ( theme music playing )