How to Rock (2012) s01e26 Episode Script

I'm exhausted from working all day.
One of my pointy ears is starting to droop.
I want to get out of here.
I mean, how long can one kid sit on Santa's lap? And I want a flying shark and superhuman strength! And a dog that poops golden eggs and a tree house on a boat.
I want to get home too.
This year I am finally old enough to use the blowtorch on the yams.
You guys have blow-torched yams? That rules.
We blow-torch everything.
It doesn't always work out too well.
I want to get home to turn on my light display.
I've got eight reindeer with light sabers, fighting an army of Elves with tomahawks.
Wa-zah! Awesome.
Hey, fellas, a little help.
And long, blond flowing hair And a fine selection of salamis and Okay, Andy, time to go.
I've only gotten through page nine.
Santa has to get home to Mrs.
Claus.
Ugh! Elf down! Santa will help us.
Santa, where are you going? Santa out.
Not cool, Santa.
Not cool.
Wow, you're really good at wrapping.
It's because I was a Falcon Scout as a kid.
I got a badge for gift wrapping and another badge for knowing a pretty girl when I see one.
Did you wrap my dog? No.
I may have.
Merry Christmas.
Hey, Zander.
How's the gift wrapping going? Well, I've wrapped more dogs than gifts.
Why did you take this job? Well Thanks for wrapping our presents, Zander.
That's why.
Of course.
Well, I'm done here, so let's go meet Stevie at Danny Mangos.
First, I have to go to the jewelry counter.
I finally saved up enough money to buy myself the new Elise Brauner necklace.
You're buying yourself a Christmas present? Uh, yeah.
Merry Christmas to me.
Oh.
Where's the new limited edition Elise Brauner necklace? I have the matching earrings, ring, bracelet And anklet.
Now all I need is the necklace.
Sorry, we just sold the last one.
- What? - Oh, to her.
Oh, hi, Kacey.
Look at this beautiful necklace I just bought.
What are you doing with my necklace? I'm sorry, don't you mean my necklace? I knew you had all the other accessories, so I figured I'd buy this one.
That doesn't bother you, does it? No.
Hi, Molly.
I found that top you wanted in green, olive, moss, taupe, ecru, sienna, cinnamon, okra, and brick.
Where's the sea foam? They only have the sea foam in a v-neck.
Hello! I want my necklace.
Kacey, come on, the Mall's closing in 15 minutes.
Let's go.
Grace, bring everything to the dressing room.
Ta-ta, loser.
Ta-ta, loser.
- All right, let's go.
- Oh! Whoa, whoa, where you are going? To get my necklace back.
Okay, I know I'm Jewish, but where's your Christmas spirit? Hanging around her scrawny, unevenly-tanned neck.
- Okay, okay, let's let's go.
- Wha my necklace.
My necklace! Hey, guys.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas? More like crummy Christmas.
- What's up with Scrooge? - Molly bought a necklace she wanted.
It's not just a necklace.
It's the necklace.
Aw, sorry Kacey.
If it makes you feel better, you guys can make smoothies while I finish up.
You never let us make smoothies.
Last time I tried, you jammed a grape up my nose.
Well, lucky for you guys, Christmas brings out the nice in me.
I trust her.
I am gonna text Molly right now.
And tell her that this time she has gone too far.
Ah! No cell phone service? I hate this Mall.
Come on, where's your Christmas spirit? Gentlemen, behold.
The most amazing smoothie ingredient of all time The leftover burrito.
You just took it to a whole nether level.
There are no words to describe how disgusting that is.
Though "disgusting" does a pretty good job.
- Everybody ready to go? - Ah, finally.
The only thing that can save this night, is the smell of my gramama baking her special Christmas cookies.
Ooh, they must be really good.
They're terrible, but if you dunk 'em in hot chocolate long enough You can choke 'em down.
Okay, on three.
- One - Two Wait, don't turn them all on at the same Three! Great.
All right, well, looks like we can forget about the smoothies.
Let's go.
Oh, this isn't good.
What isn't good? The surge knocked out the power in the electric gate.
We're locked in.
- Locked in, as in - We are not getting out.
No! Only you can be you.
Only I can be me.
You always want to be what you're not.
Can't you be happy with what you've got? You're perfect the way you are.
With your insecurities, flaws, and scars.
Your life's too short to worry.
Don't you know it's true.
Only you can be you.
Only I can be me.
Only you can be you.
Only I can be me.
Only you can be you.
Only I can be me.
Only you can be you.
Only I can be me.
I can be me.
- Hey, help us, please! - Hello! Guys.
Guys! - What? - This is no time to panic.
You have a plan? Yes I'm gonna enjoy my burrito smoothie Then I'm gonna panic.
No.
No, this can't be happening! I have to get home so I can play tackle charades with my brothers.
Tackle charades? Yeah, it's charades, only violent.
Crazy.
Can we just knock this gate down? - It's made of steel.
- No! Ha, step aside, ladies.
I got this.
Ya! Ah! Oh! Yep, made of steel.
Okay, your turn.
What? I can't be running into metal gates.
I got to protect all of this.
- Jingle bells, jingle bells.
- Security guard, hey! Oh, what fun it is to No! He's actually not a bad singer.
We're doomed.
All right, people, I'm gonna take the lead here.
Don't forget, I was a Falcon Scout.
I've been trained for just this situation.
You've been trained to escape out of a smoothie shop? Trust your boy.
You want us to climb into the ceiling? Yep.
This will lead us out of here.
All right, guys, I'll give you a boost.
- Um, there could be mice, so - Yeah, I've got this back thing.
- Yeah, you know - Step aside, wimps.
We're getting out of here.
- Boost me.
- Whoa.
That burrito smoothie's talking back to me.
Based on my GPS-level sense of direction, I know we're about to reach the Mall entrance.
So we can get home for Christmas? And my grandma's lousy cookies? And my Jedi reindeer Elf war.
- What's that smell? - I can't breathe.
That's the one downside to the burrito smoothie.
- Ah! - It's in my face! What are you doing? - Your mother must be proud.
- Oh, it's festering in my mouth! His butt was in my face! Come on, guys.
- Ah! - Oh! Guys? Is everyone okay? Yeah, yeah.
Good thing we landed on the bed.
Where's Kevin? Ah! Thud! I would've liked a bed.
Ah, too many burritos.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! This isn't the Mall entrance.
We're in a department store.
Yeah, well, if it wasn't for Kevin, we'd be home by now.
Well, didn't the Falcon Scouts tell you to never let the farter go first? Hey, I have a very sensitive tummy.
We'll never be able to get back in that vent.
We're stuck here.
Uh, first, Molly buys my necklace! And now, thanks to smoothies and farts We're gonna miss Christmas.
This day can't get any worse.
How could you not remind me the Mall was closing? But I did remind you.
That's no excuse.
I think Christmas just got worse.
You.
You.
Me! You should realize that the necklace is not working for you.
I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear you over the sound of how amazing I look.
That doesn't even make sense.
Why don't you just go Here they go again.
It's bad enough that we're stuck here.
We don't need their negativity ruining Christmas.
We need joy, people.
You really do love Christmas.
I do.
You got a problem with that? You wouldn't hurt an Elf, would ya? You may have that necklace now.
But Kacey Simon does not give up that easily.
Well, neither does Molly Garfunkel.
Normally, I'm a peaceful person.
But right now, I want to take that necklace and jam it down their throats.
Interesting.
Guys, I think I have an idea to put an end to all the fighting.
- You do? - Just follow my lead.
Hey! I don't know why you two are fighting over that necklace.
I saw another one just like it in the dressing room.
- That necklace is mine! - No, I need two of them! - Where is it? - Where is it? There is no necklace! What? And we're not letting you two out until you stop fighting and appreciate the meaning of Christmas.
Shalom.
Look what you did! Are you happy now? That depends.
Are you mad? - Yes.
- Then I'm happy.
Now I'm happy.
Now I'm happy.
Now I'm happy! Now I'm happy! Now I'm happy! Now I'm happy! Now I'm happy! Oh, that's a good look for you.
What? Ewe! It's stuck on my earring! What are you laughing at, pinata head? Don't you even.
Don't even what, bring up your tenth birthday? Stop! You with that pinata on your head is still one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Yeah, real funny.
You whacked me with that stick, like, 20 times.
Because I was trying to get the candy out of your pinata head.
Pinata head.
Careful who you call pinata head Panty head.
Ah! You know what? No! Ah! Ha! Okay, as a highly decorated Falcon Scout, I think our next move is to Oh, who am I kidding? I'm used to eating Chinese food at Christmas.
I am totally lost here.
Oh, I would literally kill for an egg roll right now! - Oh, my! - Not literally.
Unless you needed me to.
Oh, that's so sweet.
- Would you kill for me? - No.
This is an opportunity.
We have an entire department store at our disposal.
I say we throw ourselves an awesome Christmas party.
I heart parties! I heart them too! Oh, brother.
Okay, we need food, we need presents, we need decorations.
- Let's do this.
- It's gonna be so much fun! - That too happy? - Yeah.
Yo, Zander, I need some advice.
What's up? How can I get Grace to like me? Well, I don't know how to get Grace to like you, but I do know how to get her to kiss you.
Good enough.
Mistletoe.
Brilliant! If we're both standing under this at the same time, Grace has to kiss me.
It's, like, a Christmas law.
What were we even fighting for again? I'm so tired.
I don't even remember.
Oh, yeah, you have my necklace.
Oh, right, right, right.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Now give it! Never! Okay, fine! Ah! Avocado face mask? This will be perfect for Kevin! I'm so good at this.
You really are.
Huh, that's weird.
A sprig of mistletoe.
Ah! Oh, pretty scarves! Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened here? I put the lights on the tree.
White lights? That's just wrong.
Multicolored lights are way cooler.
- Since when? - Since the invention of color.
- White Christmas, Zander.
- White Christmas? You have to be classy, okay? - Guys, guys.
- What? You have to try my creation.
What is it? Sausage, cheese, jam, and a pickle.
The cheesy jam-saus-ickle.
It sounds disgusting.
Taste it.
It tastes disgusting.
Clearly, your palate is unrefined.
- Oh.
- Ugh.
Ah, who put the white lights on the tree? Thank you.
Unplug them.
Touch my lights, and I'll go grinch on your butt.
Why is there a star at the top of the tree? There should be a one-eyed snowman head.
Okay, that's crazy.
Not white lights crazy.
Says the guy with the reindeer Elf war on his roof.
Let us out! Let us out! You don't even have all the accessories to go with that necklace.
What, are you upset because I finally got something first? What are you talking about? Come on, from the moment you formed The Perfs, you made it an official rule that no one could do, wear, buy, or perform anything unless you'd done it first.
That doesn't sound like me.
Oh, really? When I was five, I lost my first tooth, and you made me glue it back in because you hadn't lost any of your teeth yet.
Well, that's because you had a big gap in your teeth, and it made you look crazy.
Well, as Queen Perf, I don't have to be second best anymore.
Now I get to have things first.
Like the necklace.
Yeah, like the necklace.
Wow.
I guess I never really thought about it that way.
Maybe I wasn't always the easiest person to get along with.
Well, I guess I'm guilty of that too.
Since you left The Perfs, I haven't been very kind to you.
We're both pretty ridiculous then, huh? I mean, it hasn't been all that bad.
We did have a lot of fun together.
Like, pinata head? I guess it was a little funny.
A little? Okay, I would've whacked my head too.
You know what? We don't need to be locked in here anymore.
Between the two of us, we should be able to bust out.
Remember that kickboxing class we took? I remember how hot our instructor was.
Oh, yeah, he was smokin' hot.
But he also taught us something.
Ninja.
Ah, yeah! That felt good! Let's go show these idiots how nice we are! Yes! Hey, we don't need blinky lights.
Okay, if you get to have your lights, I get to have my lights, and I want them blinky.
- I want bubble lights too.
- You have got to be kidding me.
Hey, guys.
We're not fighting anymore.
Whatever.
Who hung the stockings wrong? What do you mean, wrong? Hello, they are hung with the toe pointing the wrong way.
Santa is right-handed.
What do you want him to do, reach in here and break his wrist? Oh, great, now you're gonna break Santa's wrist? Guys, come on! Where's your Christmas spirit? All this fighting is so uncivilized.
You know what's uncivilized? Multicolored and blinky lights.
Oh, you know what? Why don't we just put all the lights on, huh? Oh, yeah, here we go.
Merry Christmas.
The more the merrier.
Ho.
Ho.
Ho.
- Come on! - Mommy! Who was just calling for their mom? Definitely not me.
We're gonna freeze to death! - We're indoors.
- Oh.
Whatever.
Merry lousy Christmas, everyone.
Don't give up on Christmas, Stevie.
We may not be where we want to be.
And we may all have different ways of celebrating the holidays.
But At least we're all together.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Fa-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
'Tis the season to be jolly.
Fa-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
Don we now our gay apparel.
Fa-la-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la.
Troll the ancient yuletide carol.
Fa-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Yo, check out my Elf shoes.
Fa-la-la-la la-la-la.
See the blazing yule before us.
Fa-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
Strike the harp and join the chorus.
Fa-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
Follow me in merry measure.
Fa-la-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la.
While I tell of yuletide treasure.
Fa-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Oh, oh-oh, oh.
Ho, ho, ho.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Fa-la-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
Deck the halls.
Here we go! Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
I got to say, I do look pretty good in green and red.
'Tis the season to be jolly.
Fa-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
Don we now our gay apparel.
Fa-la-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la.
Troll the ancient yuletide carol.
- Fa-la-la-la-la.
- Yeah.
Kacey, I want you to have this.
I shouldn't have bought it just because you wanted it.
Wow, Molly, that's really nice of you.
But I can't take this.
You were right about how awful I was to you.
Thank you, though.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
It's nice having a Christmas truce.
Yeah, it is.
Merry Christmas, Molly.
Merry Christmas, Kacey.
Fa-la-la-la-la.
La-la-la-la.
Woo! Our love for one another turned the lights back on! I turned the lights back on.
What are you kids doing here? Cheesy jam-saus-ickle? Now, all your parents are on their way.
But until they get here, everyone needs to stay put.
And those cheesy things you gave me were nasty.
Oh, what fun it is to ride.
In a one horse open sleigh.
Hey! You know, Grace, there's a Christmas myth that if you kiss the person on your right on Christmas Eve, you get everything you want for Christmas.
Really? Would a Falcon Scout lie? Okay.
Smooch! You know, guys, it's been a pretty good Christmas.
Actually, Nelson, I think you're supposed to kiss the person on your left.
Sweet! Best Christmas ever.
You guys are awesome.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Oh, oh-oh, oh.
Ho, ho, ho.